View Tweet of the Week
27:52 – Musician/entertainer John Mayer tweets at 10:25 a.m. on Aug. 24th: “I’m standing in front of a wall calendar rubbing the Monday 24 square with my middle finger in tight circles. That’s how into today I am.”
16:50 – Some recent posts from Dane Cook’s Twitter account: “Just got my hair cut. When finished, she asked me, ‘Do you want any product in your hair?’ I said ‘Sure, how about dairy?’” … “The future is wide open. What a slut.” … “I’m about to sleep the shit out of my bed.” … “I’m about to lose my shit like a shit collector with amnesia.” … “I hollowed out the pages of a Bible today and hit a smaller Bible inside of it.” … “I feel bad for oscillating fans that are locked in the non-oscillating position.” … “I adopted a beautiful 2-year-old Chinese highway today. I’m a proud motorist. Look for pics in People, Us Weekly and Ashphalt magazine.”
50:43 – Jeremy Piven has a Twitter account, and lets us know about his omnipresence through brief messages: “We love you brother. RIP. DJ AM.” … “Take your cues from the universe. It rules us all.” … “Tennis with Common and Baron Davis.” … “Thanks for the love regarding The Goods. Response has been amazing.” … “Just finished the Malibu Triathlon and it was really humbling. Took third.” … “We must try not to remember the hurt from the past conflicts and project them onto other people. I’m just saying.”
15:56 – Russell Brand tweets this week, complete with J-dawg imitating his voice: “Nude on my balcony. Katy Perry is moving into the hotel room opposite me. Cherry chapstick delivery!” … “I’m going to do yoga now. I’ll be so goddamn flexible I’ll be able to diddle meself.” … “I’m in Thailand. Is it OK to snog the statues?” … “I’m in Gay Paris. I swear, as an Englishman, that by the time I leave tomorrow, it will be known as ‘Hetero Paris’ or at least ‘Bi Paris.”
10:03 – Fred Durst is part of the Twitter movement, as is Jonathan’s father. Durst currently has 1.3 million people following him on Twitter: “I have to be forever true to my heart no matter what.” … “I had the best evening hanging out with Tom Arnold. He’s one of the most brillians humans I’ve ever met.” … “Now that I’m single I’m noticing how many scandalous women are all out on the prowl out here in Hollyweird. It’s scary, all these cougars and desperados.”
58:03 – Jessica Simpson has 1.3 million followers on Twitter: “People have been contacting my family and friends saying that Daisy has been found. It’s untrue. People are so cruel. Please respect her memory. … I will never understand why people attack for a laugh. Own your beauty and don’t listen to the judgment. … Every day I am challenged to be the best version of myself. Can I do it? Yes. God’s plan for my life is bigger than me. So is yours. Believe. … Touring has made me understand my place on stage, with my voice and a full heart … Going to sleep in peace, praying for the lovers and haters. I live my life for purpose. God and his angels are wrapping me up. Brave and safe. Love.”
8:19 – Roger Avary, a screenwriter who co-wrote Pulp Fiction with Quentin Tarantino, went out to dinner in Ojai, Calif., with a couple from Italy celebrating their honeymoon last year b/c a mutual friend of theirs was a huge Pulp Fiction fan. After dinner, Avery was drunk, crashed the car, killed the man, badly injured himself and his wife. He could’ve gotten up to 8 years in prison and ended up getting 1 year in the county jail, which got knocked down to a work furlough program. He lived in military-style barracks at the Camarillo Airport but was allowed to go into his production office. However there were restrictions as far as internet use, etc. A Los Angeles Times technology blogger found a bunch of Tweets originating from the name @avary talking about movie projects and inmates that shouldn’t have been on Twitter, and it was him. Officials put him back in general population, so he writes, “Avary’s all rolled up to a higher security facility for exercising his First Amendment rights. The truth, he’s discovered, is just too dangerous.”
56:46 – Jim Carrey, with 108,108 followers, tweets the following: “Hi guys, s’me, Jim, fureal. Inside scoop – sometimes I brush my teeth so intensely that I’ve been known to punch myself in the mouth.” … “Headed over to Burbank to face Conan O’Brien. Some say he’s half-human, half-rooster. I say let’s cock-a-doodle-do this.” … “We look at the world from a human perspective, but what if we’re not the point? What if it was all about the aardvark?” … “Does the suffering in our lives come from believing our thoughts about things and not the actual things?” … “What if you don’t stop at the edge of your skin? What if you had no exterior?” … “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream. Greatest song ever written?” … “Jenny and I are developing a new no-fat/calorie salad dressing. The secret ingredient? Antimatter.” … “Only a rogue wave of love can alter our circumstances.” … “Are we human or are we dancers? – The Killers” … “I just found a set of gag teeth on my shelf. Gonna wash ‘em out and put ‘em in my mouth. It’s Hollywood, brotha!”
15:59 – Jah thinks Twitter should now be called “Tweeter.” Following Brittany Murphy’s death, Ashton Kutcher tweeted, “2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany’s family, her husband and her amazing mother Sharon. CU on the other side, kid.” Jah would have had sympathy for Kutch for trying to adhere to the 140 characters by abbreviating, but what he did was simply poor form.
40:10 – Shanna Moakler and Stephanie Pratt were both at Voyeur, a hot Hollywood nightclub. They were both driving BMW X5 SUVs. The valet brings them both the wrong cars. Moakler gets in her SUV and notices immediately that the entire backseat is filled with gifting suite bags. Meanwhile, the paparazzi have snapped photos of Pratt in her SUV, who is smiling at the paparazzi and not noticing the baby seat in the back seat of her SUV. Moakler goes to her Twitter account and tweets, “Dear Stephanie Pratt … valet gave us the wrong car. How do wanna do this? LMFAO!” She gets a message back from Pratt: “OMG! Worst!! Swap ASAP!”
17:24 – Ke$ha has a Twitter account and 253,000 followers, featuring some awesome tweets: “PS – It’s my mofuckin birthday. I want a baby whale with a lasso and an eyepatch. And peace on earth and shit.” … “Funky. Worst word ever.” … “Neck tattoos. Hmm.” … “After party! My room!” … “I love it when they print ‘vagina.’” … “Dammit, forgot to brush my teeth again. I smell like poo. Bummer.” … “Celery. Eww.”
25:50 – US Weekly says that Jim Carrey tweeted 114 times on April 28. Many of them and almost all tweets since then at some point read #boing
40:24 – Yoko Ono likes to tweet – she has 883,801 followers and is currently in New York City. Jah gives a small piece of backstory, saying she’s touring with her Plastic Ono band with one of Jah’s favorite artists, Cornelius. Her tweets: “This is a piece of sky. Hold on to it. After 10 years, we will get back together and put the sky back into one piece. … All of us can work in any medium, just as we use water in everything we cook. … A blind man asked, ‘What’s an elephant?’ A young boy led the man to an elephant, let him grasp the tail and said, ‘That’s an elephant.’ … Throw a pebble in the water and observe its ripples. … Walk barefoot on the grass and dance in the wind. Do it in your mind. … You are water. I am water. We are all water in different containers. That’s why it’s so easy to meet.”
18:18 – Jamie Kennedy loves to tweet his mind: “Playing Seattle tomorrow and Saturday. Come on out. Gonna be like Kurt Cobain resurrected.” … “I have to say that Knight and Day looks pretty sick. Don’t hate on Tom Cruise.” … “4 million gallons a day, that’s what’s going into the Gulf. Everyone needs to write CNN. They need to run the story 24/7.” … “How long is the average marriage?” … “I don’t know why I was killed in Scream 2. It just happened. I didn’t write the script.”
37:09 – Kevin Nealon has 1,201,948 followers on Twitter. Here are a few of his twats: “I bet Spongebob could help soak up some of that oil spill in the gulf.” … “I heard the slime in the gulf just hired Gloria Allred to defend its fish-killing.” … “Just a thought: How about just dying the oil blue? Problem solved. No more unsightly mess. You’re welcome!” … “Getting to the point now where we should just try to get the water out of the oil.” … “Donating our pool skimmer to the cleanup efforts in the Gulf.” … “BP has successfully placed a containment cap – on Mel Gibson!”
7:36 – Paula Abdul has 1,701,685 followers on Twitter. (Kanye West is currently gaining 80 followers a minute and will surpass everybody.) Here are some Paula Abdul tidbits: “Put words into action.” … “Find a quiet spot and take a few breaths. You deserve it.” … “Refuse to participate in hate.” … “I kindly ask that you please stop sending gossip or nasty sarcastic things that people are saying.” … “Pray for the person who insults you. Pray they receive all the love and kindness you can imagine.” … “Hey guys! It’s a gorgeous Saturday. Hope you enjoy it!” … “Let your haters be your motivators. BTW I love you all. Keep each other inspired.” … “It’s going to be a gorgeous Wednesday!” … “For dancers who signed up on CBS.com to audition for my new dance show, really live your movement. Live your dance moments.” … “Love yourself and your dreams.” Seth says this is a Twitter account that he can get behind.
56:18 – Peter Facinelli has 1,550,000 followers on Twitter. He’s a low-rent Skeet Ulrich. “We haven’t trended anything in a while. Let’s trend. Tweet an outrageous little-known fact about yourself. Y? For fun.” … “When I was 12 I got hit by a car. I was fine but the car was totaled.” … “I eat more than 50 eggs. Makes me a little cooler than Cool Hand Luke.” … “I can karate-chop a marble table in half.” … “I’ve walked across the U.S. barefoot twice.” … “I shot the sheriff, but I didn’t shoot the deputy.” … “I like to take long walks off of short piers.” … “I tweet, therefore I am.”
17:47 – Yoko Ono’s tweets are the only ones that Jah has ever enjoyed (Episode 221, 40:24). She has 1 million followers: “Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the east to the west. Now drink a liter of water.” … “Imagine 1,000 suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine 1 hour, then let them gradually melt in the sky. Make one tuna fish sandwich and eat.” … “I woke up in a room in my parents’ summer house. It was in Japan, I was 17.” … “Real blood smells of an ocean. Ketchup smells of commerce.” … “A gush of wind intercepted my train of thought and gave me a rest.” Jah is a crazy fan of hers but not of her music. He’s a crazy fan of Cornelius, who is in her band (Episode 101, 40:35).
59:27 – Seth gives us some Yoko Ono tweets: “Imagine letting a goldfish swim across the sky. Let it swim from the east to the west. Now drink a liter of water.” … “Imagine 1,000 suns in the sky at the same time. Let them shine 1 hour, then let them gradually melt in the sky. Make one tuna fish sandwich and eat.” … “I woke up in a room in my parents’ summer house. It was in Japan, I was 17.” … “Real blood smells of an ocean. Ketchup smells of commerce.” … “Are we the only race which juxtaposes reality and fiction and call it life?” … “A gush of wind intercepted my train of thought and gave me a rest.”
38:14 – The Buffalo Bills were playing the Pittsburgh Steelers in a football game and managed to get a game into overtime. The first play of overtime, the Bills’ QB throws a 50-yard bomb to Stevie Johnson, who is wide open. The ball hits him in the hands and chest and falls to the ground. The announcer thought it was over and an offensive lineman has jumped into the QB’s arms to celebrate prematurely. The Steelers ended up taking over, marching down the field and kicking a field goal to win. That night on Twitter, Stevie Johnson said: “I praise U 24/7, and this how U do me? U expect me to learn from this? How? I’ma never forget this! Ever!”
44:42 – Khloe Kardashian has a Twitter account. Some of her finest tweets: “No one can define who I am but me. I set my own rules. I create my destiny.” … “I hate being told what to do.” … “Look in the mirror, smile and say ‘I am too blessed to be stressed. I am too anointed to be disappointed.’” … “Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen.” … “Morning. I love Sundays.” … “How did I get so lucky? So blessed?” … “I love documenting my life. I am so proud of my sisters.” … “People keep asking me what cra-cra means. Duh, it means crazy. Girl, you so cra-cra!” … “Quick Trim is so fab.” … “Morning tweethearts!”
1:02:25 – Jah reads some tweets from HarvardHoochies (@harvardhoochies) in Boston, Mass. Their bio: “We are BU bitties, hooching and husband hunting at Harvard Final Clubs. We ward off RUHGs (random ugly Harvard girls)…frequently. Some tweets: “Trying to find a guy who’s in a ‘final club.’ There are currently 8 all-male clubs at Harvard. … Must snag a final club man-beast tonight. … Female boners are erect at the Harvard manimals singing on the dance floor. When HH go out we dress to look good – half-nude. … Would like to get sexual with a Harv man down to pay for a plastic surgery shopping spree. Never too late to look 18 again. … A true HH – before he wakes up you totes run to the bathroom and reapply makeup like you simply wake up that beautiful. … Man-beast march! Gentlemen, the more protein powder, the better. Bring on the beefiness, large pecs and and big arm veins. … Thanksgiving with dad. ‘What do you like about school?’ Me: ‘Harvard manimals.’
23:50 – Billy Bush describes himself as “Christian. Proud American. Dad. Dude.” on his Twitter feed: “Hey, one of my tight buds Scott Wolfe is on Twitter now. Follow him. Tell him he needs to launch a skin care cream called Bailey Forever. j/k lmao.” … “Crying my eyes out to Good Will Hunting.” … “The fact that Brad the Bachelor kept Michelle should give every one of these other women all the reason they need to leave.” … “Super Bowl, Black-Eyed Peas – very entertaining. I give it an A+.” … “Ladies, don’t get upset with me, but I don’t like when you wear red lipstick. I don’t like it on any woman. Most dudes agree, too.”
24:06 – Alyssa Milano, in regard to Elizabeth Taylor’s passing: “You are a prism.”
48:13 – A tweet was taken by Kraft Macaroni & Cheese from Sunday night, March 27 at 11:31 p.m., shot a commercial on Monday, March 28 during the day and aired it on Conan that night at 11:43 p.m.
55:01 – Adam Levine tweets. He has 250,000 followers: “What a perfect day. Winning.” … “My phone is being a total asshole.” … “Maybe we should make straight marriage illegal.” … “When you can’t get one of your own songs out of your head does that make you an egomaniac or does that just mean it’s extra catchy?” … “Long division is a pain in the ass.” … “Isn’t it ironic that the song ‘Ironic’ contains no actual examples of irony?” … “I’ve decided I’m not ever going to die. It’s just too morbid.” … “Jesse Ventura’s a bona fide badass. Listen to this guy. I’d vote for him.”
1:03:31 – Somebody sent Jonathan James Cameron’s Twitter account. Although he doesn’t have them laid out in front of them, Jah said his tweets were pretty awesome.
8:56 – Channing Tatum has a Twitter account. He has 576,539 followers. Here are some of his tweets: “Which upcoming Channing Tatum film are you most excited to see? Cast your vote in Tuesday’s Facebook Question of the Day.” .. “Did anyone see the teaser for The Vow on Entertainment Tonight? If you missed it, check your local listings for the replay later tonight.” … “Guess what’s new at Redbox? Fans can now pick up Chan’s film The Eagle all across the country.” … “Step Up is on TBS right now. Who’s watching?” … “We’re kicking off our annual Biggest Fan contest later this week. Are you going to enter?” Jah finds this kind of spam wildly irresponsible.
3:06 – Pete Wentz has 2,332,379 followers on Twitter: “It’s so good to have a new Blink-182 album. I’m playing it on repeat.”
36:32 – Zachary Levi is an actor on a show called Chuck. He has 244,990 followers on Twitter. A sample of his tweets: “For the record, seeing a movie by yourself can be quite enjoyable. I mean, there’s no need for conversation and no one’s Bogarting your popcorn.” … “My last tweet was done on the toilet. I shall call it a twoop. Thankful it wasn’t a tweearhea.” … “Damn you Starbucks merwoman creature and your coy seductive smile. You’re like the Mona Lisa of caffeinated beverages.” … “You know what I hate about traffic? Everything.” … “What idiot told Judge Judy that being condescending to people makes for good television? Because it doesn’t. It just makes you look like a jerk.” … “And now a poem to help you through crap weather: It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is peeing on us.” … “Yelling ‘Ben & Jerry’s’ at a Grateful Dead concert is like yelling ‘Fire!’ in a movie theater.” … “Twitter experiment – everyone play ‘Shout!’ by the Isley Brothers right now and tweet our your finest pics of the moment because that’s what we’re doing!”
43:28 – Hugh Jackman has a Twitter account and has 920,377 people followers plus or minus a few bots. Some tweets: “Day off. Loving San Fran. Loving life.” … “Had dinner last night at French Laundry. OMG.” … “Dripping with sweat. Learning a new number from my one-man show in Toronto. Oh, what a beautiful morning.” … “Just arrived in Cleveland for Monday Night Raw. Definitely realizing a boyhood dream.” … “Spent the last 4 days with the Le Mis gang. Could not be more pumped.”
57:39 – Antidepressant drugs and the use of them has soared nearly 400% since 1988, making it the most frequently used medication among people ages 18-44. A report from the CDC shows that 11% of Americans ages 12 and older have taken antidepressants in the 2005 – 2008 study period. The authors add that though the majority of antidepressants were taken to treat depression, the drugs can also be used to treat anxiety issues and other conditions. Data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys, which included information from 12,637 participants about prescription drug use, antidepressant use, length of use, severity of depressive symptoms and contact with a health professional.
1:00:25 – Deepak Chopra tweets these in one 24-hour period of time: “Growth is the willingness to let reality be new every moment.” … “Everything is the same spirit watching itself through the eyes of different observers.” … “Personal love is a concentrated form of universal love. Universal love is an expanded form of personal love.”
5:13 – John Quiñones, on his Twitter account, writes that “state laws in California don’t allow us to tape with hidden cameras. That’s why we can’t do WWYD? here.”
13:22 – Katherine Heigl likes to appear in crappy movies and send out crappy tweets: “It’s not long now – One For the Money French premiere tonight. You never get used to those giant posters of yourself.”