3:34 – Seth takes us back before we go forward. People magazine 15 years ago this week. The title of the article is “Look Who Bagged Brad.” From the article: “The down-home heartthrob who has it all wants nothing more than to hang out with his sweet Seven co-star, Gwyneth Paltrow. Ah, what even a young superstar won’t do for love. In the year since People bestowed the Sexiest Man title on a kicking and screaming Pitt – hey, after his breathtakingly bare-chested turn as Tristan Ludlow in Legends, what choice did we have? – much has changed in the life of the 32-year-old actor: he boasts a new buzz-cut, much to the chagrin of millions of fans who swooned over his long, bleach-blonde locks; a new tax bracket – his asking price is now a reported $8 million; and most importantly, a new romance with a 22-year-old actress he began dating last winter while filming Seven – a huge hit this fall with Brad Pitt as a know-it-all cop tracking a serial killer. Ms. Paltrow is his devoted wife and Morgan Freeman is his seasoned partner. Their teamwork was delightfully evident a few weeks back when Pitt took Paltrow to Springfield, Mo., to spend Christmas with his family. Evidently, the pantry in the large gated home that belongs to Pitt’s parents, Bill – former trucking company executive – and Jane – a high school counselor – was insufficiently stocked. At Smitty’s Market, the young couple picked up $40 worth of groceries. Pitt was instantly recognized despite his wool scarf and lock, dark coat. After signing a few autographs he stepped outside for a smoke, but in her high-top tennis shoes and stocking cap, Paltrow – who remained inside to pay the bill – passed virtually unnoticed. ‘That was Brad Pitt!,’ the checkout girl breathlessly declared. ‘Who?,’ asked Paltrow, in mock bewilderment. …” Jah thinks that if Pitt could go back, he would have just stayed with Paltrow.
16:43 – Seth reads us something from People magazine 10 years ago, January 2001: “They seem to be two stars sharing one orbit. Ov Nov. 8, 2000, at the L.A. premiere of Jim Carrey’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Renee Zellweger deferentially ducked out of the couple’s limousine to allow her beau to make a big entrance. ‘It’s his night,’ she said, before rejoining him to cuddle for the cameras. Seven days later the pair were sparkling side-by-side again at the film’s London premiere, where they even outshone the queen. But in the following weeks, Carrey, 38, and Zellweger, 31, somehow fell out of romantic alignment. On Nov. 30, he turned up at the film’s Tokyo premiere alone before jetting off on a vacation. Representatives for both actors have confirmed that their year-long romance is over, surprising even their closest friends. ‘I thought that they were the perfect couple,’ says Carrey pal, Laugh Factory comedy club owner Jamie Mesada. As for how his friend is faring? ‘Jim’s all right. I mean, he’s hurt, but who comes out of a relationship and doesn’t get hurt?’ Carrey, who split from Alyssa Womer, mother of his daughter Jane, 13, in 1993 and from actress Lauren Holly in 1997, was clearly smitten with his co-star when they met on the 1998 set of Me, Myself and Irene, director Bobby Farrelly said. ‘Just what went wrong is unclear. They just wanted different things,’ said a rep for Zellweger, who has just finished filming Bridget Jones’ Diary, which is due out this spring. Grinch director Ron Howard, who has talked with Carrey since the split, says that dual strains of work and fame are hard on relationships. In this case the media tension just heightened the pressure.
6:10 – Seth pulls out a People magazine from this week in February 20 years ago. “Birds and bees are not the only ones doing it. So are Julia and Kiefer, Winona and Johnny, Bruce and Demi, Tom and Nicole, and Harry and Nicolette. Cupid is working overtime in Hollywood these days, slinging arrows at just about everybody and almost always hitting his mark. Veteran Hollywood publicist Warren Cohen says, ‘It’s no longer chic to be living an unmarried free life.’ USA Today celebrity columnist Jeannie Williams says, ‘These are uncertain times with AIDS, the economy and the war. A lot of today’s couples come from a divorced generation, so they want to create a stable life.’ Late last winter, Kiefer Sutherland gave his sweetie Julia Roberts a diamond ring. She has said he bestowed it on her ‘without questions and without response.’ Then, for her 23rd birthday in October, he presented her with a tattoo on her left shoulderblade. It’s a red heart inside of a black Chinese symbol that she has said means ‘strength of heart.’ Beyond that, Roberts, 23, keeps her sensuous lips sealed tight when it comes to discussing her 24-year-old Flatliners co-star – with whom she began co-habitating late last spring. ‘We’re together all the time. We work together, we’re in love with each other. That’s a life; you can’t ask for more.’”
2:14 – From Rolling Stone magazine this week in 1976, Seth talks about the top 5 singles on the charts: 1) Wings – “Silly Love Songs;” 2) Diana Ross – “Love Hangover;” 3) Elvin Bishop “Fooled Around and Fell in Love;” 4) The Silvers – “Boogie Fever;” and 5) Silver Convention – “Get Up and Boogie.”
30:45 – Seth reads a clipping from Newsweek magazine of May of 2009 about Oprah Winfrey: On one of “The Secret” shows, Oprah gave an example of the scientific power of the concept. She said that once while she was hosting an episode about a man who could blow really big soap bubbles, she was thinking to herself, “Gee, that looks fun. I’d like to blow some bubbles.” When she returned to her office after the show, there on her desk was a silver Tiffany bubble blower. “So I called my assistant and I said, ‘Did you just run out and get me some bubbles, because I came back to my office and there’s bubbles on my desk?’ The assistant said, ‘No the bubbles were always there. I bought you the bubbles for your birthday and you didn’t notice until today.’” There’s many lessons that one might draw from this anecdote. One is that if you give Oprah a thoughtful gift, she may not bother to notice it or thank you for it. The lesson Oprah took away from this story, is because the way she sees it, her assistant hadn’t really given her the gift at all – she gave it to herself using the power of “The Secret.” “I called in the bubbles.”
22:45 – Seth takes us back 25 years ago this week, where Madonna’s “Live To Tell” was the No. 1 single in the country.
8:39 – On Friday, May 2, 1997, a 36-year-old Eddie Murphy was living in Los Angeles. He was being paid $17.5 million to star in Dr. Doolittle, the follow-up film to his smash hit, The Nutty Professor. His wife, Nicole, and their three children were in Sacramento visiting her mother. “I’m in this big house by myself, wide awake, so it was like, Let me go get something to read.” A Hollywood newsstand vendor claims he sold Murphy 2 magazines in the early morning hours. According to police reports, Murphy was driving his wife Nicole’s Toyota Land Cruiser west on Santa Monica Boulevard at Formosa in Hollywood. Undercover vice cops had been watching a known tranny prostitute, 20-year-old Samoan-board Ken Atisone Seiuli, who is known on the streets by the name Shalomar. They watched the SUV pull over to the side of the road and they watched Shalomar get inside. Robert Harms of the West Hollywood Sheriff’s Department’s Special Problems Unit said later, “To ask what anyone was doing on that corner of Santa Monica and Formosa at 4:45 a.m. is like asking a cinnamon cruller what it’s doing at Dunkin’ Donuts.” According to Shalomar, “Eddie Murphy put two $100 bills on my leg. He asked me if I did this for a living. I said yes. Eddie said, ‘Do you like to wear lingerie?’ I said yes. He said, ‘Can I see you in lingerie?’ I said, ‘Whenever I have the time.’ He then said, ‘I’ll make the time.’ Then he asked me, ‘What type of sex do you like?’ I told him I was into everything.” After approximately 2 miles, the cops decide to pull over the vehicle. Sailui, who had violated her probation for failing to take a mandatory HIV test, was arrested at the scene and ended up serving 90 days in federal prison. Murphy was spoken to for approximately 30 minutes by the cops and was allowed to leave. Less than a year later, on the morning of April 22, 1998, Shalomar went to the roof of her Hollywood apartment building to smoke a cigarette. At 5:15 a.m., someone in the building heard a scream. At 6:30 a.m., a neighbor walking his dog on the sidewalk found Shalomar lying face-down on the sidewalk in a black bra and black thong – dead at the age of 21. … Seth comes to the conclusion that Eddie Murphy killed Shalomar.
31:18 – Seth talks about “Baby Jessica” McClure (Episode 001, 49:45), who fell into a well in Midland, Texas in October of 1987 at the age of 18 months. Between Oct. 14-16, rescuers worked for 58 hours to rescue her from the 8-inch-wide well. On March 26, 2011, she turned 25 years old. She was to receive a trust fund of donations from well-wishers from back in the day worth up to $800,000, but her father revealed it was a little lower than it was supposed to be.
2:52 – Seth takes us back to People magazine, 5 years ago this week. The cover story is called “So In Love.” It’s about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James being one of Hollywood’s happiest couples. … The same issue has a story about Avril Levigne and the Sum-41 singer getting married in California (they separated in 2009 and she is now dating Brody Jenner).
36:49 – Seth goes into the vault and lists the top 10 singles from 1986 – the #1 song in the country was Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” … #2 is Peter Cetera’s “Glory of Love” … #3 is Belinda Carlisle’s “Mad About You” … #5 is Jermaine Stewart’s “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” … #6 is Bananarama’s “Venus” … #7 is Lionel Richie’s “Dancing on the Ceiling” … #8 was Timex Social Club’s “Rumors” … #9 is Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” … #10 is Wham!’s “The Edge of Heaven.” Jah declares this the worst round of this game of all time.
39:34 – Seth reads from People magazine this week 5 years ago. Lance Bass was on the cover with the heading “I Feel Like Myself. I’m Not Hiding Anything.”
9:28 – Seth reads an issue of Cosmopolitan from October of 1993. There’s a woman in there named Irma Kurtz and she had The Agony Column. A woman wrote in talking about her husband and the enjoyment he gets from porno mags and videos. Her feelings were hurt and she asked why men in general were interested in this entertainment yet uninterested in meeting the needs of the real women in their lives. Irma goes into detail talking about how he could be a porn addict and how videos are becoming more accessible outside of the home. Seth wonders if Irma had some foresight into the birth of the internet.
12:02 – It was an absolutely gorgeous spring day in NYC in 1993 when TV superstar Jerry Seinfeld took a leisurely stroll through picturesque Central Park. It was there he spotted a young lass he later described as “the most wonderful girl in the world.” As a single 39-year-old bachelor he thought nothing of chatting her up. He made her laugh and asked her for her telephone number. The fair maiden obliged, taken aback by her meeting with such a famous celebrity. This woman’s name was Shoshanna Lonstein, who at the time was attending the Nightingale Bamford School for Girls on the Upper East Side because she was a 17-year-old high school student. They dated for four years and broke up in 1997. She is now 36 and married NYC investment analyst Joshua Gruss, the heir to his financier Martin Gruss’ $500 million fortune. … Nina Danielle Sklar was a 27-year-old who had just married Eric Nederlander (heir to the Nederlander Theatre Organization) in the summer of 1998). After returning from a 3-week Italian honeymoon with him, she was at a Reebok Sports Club on the Upper West Side where she ran into a 44-year-old Seinfeld. That fall after 4 months of marriage, she filed for divorce from Nederlander and they were married on Christmas Day the following year.
12:08 – Seth dips into People magazine from October 2006. There’s a picture of a couple with the heading “Break Up? No way. In Chicago and London, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn set the record straight – they’re still a couple.”
50:45 – Sports Illustrated from March of 1984 – Steve Young is a Mormon and is somehow a descendent of Brigham Young. He was a star at BYU. When he was 23 he signed a contract with the LA Express of the USFL – a startup in 1984 to go against the NFL. The deal was he signed a 43-year, $40 million contract. So he got $5.9 million up front but the Express bought an annuity with an insurance company and it would gain interest and money and pay him out over time. He ended up taking the deal and then after his second season he paid to get out of the league and join the NFL, where he went on to be a successful Super Bowl-winning quarterback. The annuity started paying $200,000 in 1990 and stayed the same each year of the 90s. From 2000 to 2027, he will be paid $34 million in that time. In the final year, he will earn $3 million. He’s 50 years old now and will collect money until he’s 66.
19:07 – Seth takes us back to November 2006 to tell us about “Reese & Ryan: End of the Line” After 7 years of marriage, they called it quits. It was also time for “Brittany and Kevin: It’s Over”
18:30 – The cover of People magazine this week 5 years ago, while UYD was closing out the first year of its show: “A Wedding to Remember.” … “Sparing absolutely no expense, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes treat their families and famous friends to a spectacular affair in Italy.”
32:18 – People magazine six years ago this week. The cover story was Jennifer Aniston facing her future. She was turning 37 on Feb. 11, when UYD was being born. The title of the article was “Weathering news of Brad’s pending fatherhood, she’s focused on building a life beyond the fast lane and finding happiness with a man who makes her smile.”
]]>7:35 – Seth goes off on how crappy the Super Bowl was.
11:45 – Seth on people who run up 89 flights of stairs in 2 minutes and swim in icy rivers: It’s life affirming! “Is it stupid or life affirming, because I’m sleeping in a warm bed.”
17:37 – Seth and Jah rip on old people trying to say hip things.
27:11 – Seth goes off on New York for having shitty shit launched, like knitting groups, hug groups and speed friends: “I don’t need friends, I don’t want friends, because I live in Hollywood! Do you take a cab to get a friend? How’s your cab ride New York? Um, Uptown please. How ’bout out of town, now!”
1:00:18 – Jonathan hammers Britney Spears and her live concert that he saw: “I get it, you’re not a little girl anymore. … If Madonna had gotten into a bus crash and was mentally retarded, this is what she would’ve been doing in the 80s. … Just to see these fruits do this sex dance sequence, it’s astonishing. It’s uncomfortable to watch them.”
14:35 – Jah hammers the new FX show “Black/White”: “It should be a multi-racial show called What’s It Like to be a Burn Victim? because that’s what you look like, assholes, when you do shitty shit like this.”
36:00 – Jah rips Alan Alda for his new autobiography, “Never Have Your Dog Stuffed.” Jah: “Wasn’t that the name of Buddy Hackett’s autobiography, you schmaltzy dickweed?”
55:19 – Jonathan goes off on Kanye West after Seth reads a Kanye quote about Gold Digger being one of the biggest songs of our lifetime and for saying that the word “gay” is the opposite of the words “hip hop” to Sway on MTV
13:10 – Seth laces into Brits for wearing wigs in the courtroom: “When are you going to stop wearing wigs Brits? And stop playing soccer, because it’s called football.”
21:26 – Jah goes off on Axe Body Spray for naming things after natural disasters.
34:00 – After Seth lists dozens of upset stomach medicines, S & J reem America: “Hey America, stop eating shitty shit!”
46:47 – J&S rip on M Knight Shamalyan. Jah: “The Navajo people should be ashamed to have you as their representative.”
51:53 – Seth goes off on the deaf woman who went to the Bon Jovi concert.
27:49 – Jah’s reaction to Miss Deaf Texas being struck by a train: “How do you not feel a fucking train coming dude?!!!” Seth: “Feel it, feel it, feel the train coming!”
57:44 – Jah and Seth make fun of a dude on Cops who gets busted in St. Louis: “Have you ever heard the phrase love is blind? Well you should try fear.”
24:20 – Jonathan goes off on Art Mann, who will be at the Adult Con 10, then hammers Mark Cuban for founding HDNet.
53:56 – Jah mocks Dr. Phil and tells him to stop poisoning the minds of Americans.
27:18 – Jah hammers Fergie for talking about female curvatures: “That’s gross dude, no, I won’t suck your lady lumps Fergie!”
38:56 – Jah blasts Florida school for telling kids they’ll know what it was like to be a European Jew in the 1930s because they can’t drink from the water fountain.
53:16 – Seth and Jah reem NY Sports Club for their “Action Hero Workout.”
41:39 – Jah and Seth go off on creepy killers and rapists for keeping shitty diaries.
57:15 – Seth and Jonathan jump to conclusions about the bogusly accused Duke lacrosse players. Jah: “First of all you play lacrosse. Huge problem.”
19:24 – Jah slams two kids at UVA who proclaim April 20 National High Five Day.
21:13 – Seth rips the nerds who celebrated April 5, 2006 at 1:23 a.m. because it was 01.02.03.04.05.06: “It’s numbers man, it’s numerology. Think about it. It’ll never happen in our lifetime, dude. 010203040506!”
14:23 – Jah going off on gay people who are trying to expose their adopted children to the gay lifestyle: “Yeah, but the gay lifestyle is all about dudes fucking dudes, a lot.”
37:37 – Jah blasts David Blaine for his latest stunt.
38:59 – Criss Angel, the Mindfreak gets equal lashing.
48:18 – Seth: “It’s very easy to get [Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby Moses] to sleep – you don’t gotta give him a babytini, you gotta put on that shitty fuckin’ music the husband makes. Good night!”
55:46 – Seth: “…And why do paralyzed people always try to walk? …. I’m paralyzed but I’m gonna walk! I’m gonna beat this. No you ain’t dude. Just smoke pot and watch movies. You can’t walk!” Seth also rams deaf people for going to concerts and “feeling the vibes” and blind people for going to movies.
59:34 – Seth goes off on Webster’s for allowing “jimmy hat” into the dictionary.
11:37 – Seth rails Taco Bell for their “Fourthmeal” campaign. Jah: “All a guy needs to be happy is shelter, clothes, and four square meals a day. Isn’t that the old adage?”
19:23 – Jah and Seth rip Charlie Sheen for smoking crack and boning down on prostitutes, then leaving a message on his wife’s answering machine where he calls her a “nigger.”
50:05 – Seth going off on people griping about price of gas and stamps.
53:20 – Seth rips into Burning Man fruits, namely the one at work who asks him if he’s going: “I don’t know, are you dude? You’re like 58. Are you going to Burning Man?!”
32:08 – Jah hammers David Blaine for his “Drowned Alive” stunt where he will try to break the record of holding his breath for 8 minutes, 58 seconds.
39:19 – Seth rips the rep from GM who, in 1986, predicted whack things about the future.
4:52 – Seth makes fun of Ray Romano’s whack stand-up.
10:34 – Jah hates Dulé Hill from The West Wing.
55:46 – Jah and Seth hammer Inside the Actors Studio for having Tim Allen as a guest.
4:40 – Jah slams Anderson Cooper for being on the cover of Vanity Fair while tearing up.
15:26 – Seth slams the Nebraska judge who has mercy on a peed for only being 5-foot-1.
23:17 – Jah talking about going to Starbucks and encountering trainees who call it EXpresso: “I don’t want an estra shot of expresso; I would like an extra shot of espresso.”
31:45 – Seth goes off on Al Gore and his new doc, An Inconvenient Truth.
13:29 – Some jerkoff creates his own disorder and gives it the acronym IED – not an improvised explosive device, but intermittent explosive disorder (the scientific term for road rage) Seth: “You couldn’t have named it like Complete Douchebag Syndrome? Yeah I’ve got CDS. Since when is being a douchebag a disorder?!”
24:17 and 28:42 – Seth going off on Omni Magazine’s whack predictions.
25:06 and 28:58 – Seth going off on sci-fi fruits, robot guy from Dateline and all futuristic science nerds … “… You’ll be lucky if the robots treat you as a pet. The luckiest humans at least will be in a zoo for the robots. Shut up! Shut up with your X-men and your Bumbalore and your shit!! Let me tell you about the world – it’s exactly as you fucking see it!!! There’s no robots or spaceships or aliens or other fucking planets!! There’s this planet and you’re gonna die here and nothing else is gonna happen!! ('Hey man, Battlestar Gallactica’s the best show on TV!’ Is it? The Sopranos is, you dumbass!!” (- 31:14)
18:21 – Seth slams Britney Spears.
38:34 – Jah rams people for coming up with disorders that already mean something else. “Don’t call something sad S.A.D.!”
48:51 – Seth going off on jugglers: “Unless you literally juggle your own balls, I don’t want to see you juggling.”
51:26 – Seth blasts Rappin’ Granny: “Hey bitch, you ever heard of Gucci Mane? He killed your grandson and he’s in jail in Decatur, Georgia.”
11:30 – J & S going off on David Beckham.
14:38 – Seth blasts New York for cabbing, walking and taking the subway.
34:15 – Jonathan reading all the names of hunting shows and growing increasingly more pissed off until he starts dropping crazy F-bombs: “… fuckfaces hunting, redneck asshole, die in a pool of your own fucking cum asshole step outside shoot ‘em with a gun arrow bullet fuckface white fuck america fuck fat fuck fuck fuck rape your kids your kids are retarded they have Down’s syndrome because you’re all inbred fuck fuck kill ’em fuck. … on America’s hunting network.”
37:39 – Jah: “Where’s Hunting With Ted Shitfuck?!!”
52:31 – Jonathan on the guy at the bank with a Myspace mesh hat: “… How’s your ebay socks you fucking shithead?! How’s your myspace hat you shitwad!?”
44:54 – Seth on super fruits working at the American Girl store: “ ‘Hey, how can we help you?’ You can help me by showing me the exit. I’m going to have a full panic attack.”
57:52 – Jonathan and Seth going off on Clerks fans on Myspace. Seth: “Will you stop wearing denim shorts and hockey jerseys, you douchebag?”
13:09 – Seth goes off on Shark Week: “Dog you ready for Shark Week? No, I’m totally not ready to watch shitty shows about sharks.”
15:36 – Seth hammers Mr. T for having his own reality show: “Fuck you Mr. T, sir.”
43:40 – Seth going off on dudes who use the term MILF.
57:17 – J & S go off on guy refuting the pay by touch: "I prefer my plastic; we’re all going to have a bar code on our neck in like 10 years.”
14:21 and 16:53 – Seth goes off on Neil Young and hippies: “No one’s getting impeached! Stop talking! … The 60s were like 50 years ago. Stop talking about the fucking 60s. You know why we didn’t lose any listeners? Because no one listening is 80 talking about the 60s. Woodstock man, smoke grass and peace and love. Peace and love sucks dude, you hippies. Put on Birkenstocks and get dirty. Get organic farming. Just do it for the people, empower people. Stop empowering people!”
2:48 – Jah starts to go off on UYD listeners, but holds back and encourages people to get a friend to subscribe to the show.
21:11 – Seth: “Florida – stop pissing on your mail!!” … “Hey Florida – stop pissing on your burns!” (22:55)
25:20 – Seth and Jonathan go off on Gene Simmons for stealing TV show ideas and flashing his long tongue to everyone.
28:01 – Seth goes off on Dakota Fanning for being a voting member of the MPAA: “Bitch you are 10 years old! … Call me old-fashioned but I like my Academy voters to bleed once a month.”
34:47 – Jah and Seth reem Mel Gibson for his ethnic slurs.
19:12 – Seth and Jah hammer Bruce “Bruno” Willis for having a personal scrapbooker and referring to himself as “Bruno” when he blows harp.
20:34 – Seth makes fun of Farmers Market in Santa Monica for having valet parking for bicycles on Sundays.
13:29 and 17:33 – Seth goes off on GLAAD for being angry about not enough LGBTs on TV.
15:06 – Jah rips on myFox for ripping off the Myspace logo.
53:32 – Jah blasts Jesus freaks.
55:33 – Seth to old people mistaking gas pedal for brake: “STOP IT!!!! Stop doing that! It’s so stupid to do that! I don’t grab my ass when I piss, I don’t wipe my dick when I shit, stop mistaking these huge distinct pedals for shit!”
1:00:36 – Seth and Jah rail on their imaginary skinterns.
21:36 – Seth hammers Flat Daddy.
32:52 – Seth blasts everybody that didn’t have the internet.
51:46 – Seth goes off on creepy sects and Warren Jeffs.
26:55 – Seth goes off on kids eating rocks w/ Spongebob stickers instead of fruit.
46:12 – Seth going off on people who use the terms “jimmy hats,” “playing for the other team” and “MILFs.”
47:59 – Jonathan going off on Myspace dorks who use gifs of Jon Heder dancing in last sequence of Napoleon Dynamite, etc. Seth: “Oh you like The Simpsons? Me too! You read Catcher In The Rye? I read Catcher In The Rye! Hey everyone on Myspace, stop it. Let’s all get off Myspace, collectively, undeniably and totally.” (50:16)
22:30 – Seth and Jah hammer Deal or No Deal.
40:00 – Seth blasts guy at the LA Zoo with cell phone trying to take picture of jaguar’s nuts: “Why are you wearing a tank top and denim shorts right now dude. Hey, this is by Hoby tank top and my Asics Tigers. Sit still nuts. …”
45:14 – Seth and Jah rip on Red Bar Radio for just plain sucking.
1:00:17 – Seth blasts Starbucks for raising prices again.
0:26 – Diet Pepsi Jazz rips off Jonathan and Seth’s scat jazz tune from Episode 028 at 41:48.
6:39 – Jonathan going off on people talking about YouTube like it’s a new revolution – magazine stand at Laurel and Ventura.
10:15 – Jonathan going off on stupid woman at cash register .
34:41 – Seth and Jonathan going off on stupid bumper sticker people (Seth: “I don’t play by the rules man. I’m countercultural! What are you dude? You hippie fruits. Take those Crocs off before I kill you with a 103-inch Panasonic television. Bam!”).
42:08 – Seth rips himself for saying Law & Order: SUV.
42:44 – Seth going off on stupid people in movie theaters, etc.
7:47 – Seth going off on guy with buttplug and clamping metal things on his balls: “You’re supposed to get a malted with two straws and then after a month you maybe make out in the park. Dude, CALM DOWN!” … Dudes sending balls: “Brad Pitt could be sending his balls and that would be gross! You’re NOT Brad Pitt and you’re sending your balls. Where’s your brain at?! These guys are so fucked up! Hey man, I’m 400 fucking pounds and balding. This is my combover but these are my crazy nuts. And they got clamps on them. And I got a buttplug in. And there’s watermelon all over my body!” (9:16)
7:13 – Seth goes off on people who still do layaway at stores: “I have 15 credit cards. You can’t get one?”
9:12 – Seth goes off on Jerry Seinfeld’s whack comedy … What’s up with *69? (10:29) “What’s up with *69?? Really? Hey guy – stop talking. … A 10-year-old looked at an 11-year-old and mouthed, Star 69?” (11:47)
16:03 – Jonathan going off on guys talking about the Jerky Boys: “Am I dead? Because last time I checked it’s 2006, we’re sitting in a Mexican restaurant and you just talked about Goodfellas, Howard Stern and the Jerky Boys!”
21:31 – Seth going off on people who dress up in Star Wars and Matrix costumes for Halloween: “Hey, what’s up? Hey Neo. Where’s Morpheus? … If I saw a motherfucker in a trenchcoat, I would throttle him. Unless you’re Trenchcoat Mafia, unless you’re going to go Dylan and Eric on me, you best not show up wearing trenchcoats.” (22:49) Seth: “That’s my call to arms for all UYD listeners. Feel free to beat the shit out of anyone that has a super whack costume. Don’t let it slide.” (24:24)
21:04 – Jah going off on people who can just buy five tigers: “That should be really fucking hard to do!”
22:01 – Seth reacts to people who believe the look-alikes who are impersonating Paris Hilton and Robin Williams (20-20 tries to show what it’s like to be privileged in America): “I sent you a letter in the late ’70s about Morkin’ Mindy. Did you ever receive that? Bitch, you are fucking banana cakes!”
3:39 and 6:42 – Seth and Jonathan go off on David Blaine’s gyroscope trick. Jah: “Are you a magician? Are you going to show me a card and then put it in a deck and pull it out later on? Are you going to pull something out of my ear?”
5:19 – Jonathan goes off on the “Mindfreak” Criss Angel and Paris Hilton.
43:38 – Jah goes off on people buying PS3s for their snotnose twerp kids to look like the best parents, even though there’s no games for it yet: “Dude, they’re gonna be 300 bucks in like three weeks. Could you tell your fucking retard kid to just chill out for a second, have a fucking Fuelosophy, sit the fuck down, wait for New Year’s and I’ll get you one in mid-January in 07. … Stop fucking stabbing people so your stupid fucking kid can just tell his other friends who can’t have one that he has one! There’s no games for it dude!!! There’s nothing on the fucking system yet!!!”
13:48 – Both rip on Michael Richards for being a crazy racist.
15:14 – Seth making fun of Ray Romano’s stand-up.
33:06 – Minneapolis, MN – 9 Muslims drop down for evening prayers and people freak out; Seth rips on them: “What man? Why you discriminating against us? Hey Muslims, cut the shit man! Hey you whites are discriminatory! Are we, Muslims? Pray in the bathroom quietly! You’re being racist and judgmental! Am I being judgmental dog? What are you praying to man? There’s a football game on! Stop it!”
39:01 – Seth going off on Neal Patrick Harris.
56:45 – Jah laces into the internet for letting every 19-year-old dickhead with iMovie make shitty animation movies that he has to filter through before he finds anything worth a shit.
58:28 – Seth: “Hey Jack Black, do you look like more of an asshole in your Holiday movie poster or in your Pick of Destiny movie poster? You ain’t that good to look at… stay out of movies with Jude Law.”
9:40 – Seth: “Hey Britain’s top music mag Q, are you OK?!”
24:01 – Both rail on The Blackeyed Peas.
3:42 – If Jah sees another segment on dudes going to fish markets and learning how to catch fish, he’s going to snap.
1:57 – Seth rips Jack Kevorkian for his crazy paintings: “No I’m doing it for these people. Um, your paintings are crazy!”
38:54 – Seth rips the country for having people on meth jamming candy canes in butts.
56:41 – Jah gets pissed at the people who are bundled in up in preposterous winter outfits, and he wants to “mow these motherfuckers down.”
35:05 – Seth hammers Akon for his whack lyrics: “ Get in my Lamborghini Gilardo / Let’s go back to my house and kick it like Tai-bo. Really?!”
39:28 – Jah starts to hammer on CVS for the low-rent operation they’re running and the crack baby outpatients working there.
10:48 – Seth going off on America for liking Ray Romano, Nickelback, etc. “I’m totally down with Meshach Taylor from Designing Women, I think he’s pretty hot. Hey people watching the People’s Choice Awards – stop listening to Nickelback and stop watching fucking Everybody Loves Raymond reruns! And why House?! Yo, I like House. You mean Hugh Laurie? No, House. I like Jack Bauer.”
28:52 – Seth going off on Bindi Irwin: “Your dad was a lunatic. You’re lucky to be alive. I’ve seen videotape of you in a crocodile’s mouth, bitch. I saw some tape of your father throwing you around like a monkey. My dad was special. No he wasn’t. You’re lucky he’s dead or you’d be dead, because that dude was fuckin’ crazy.”
7:22 – Seth reems extravagant text message/AIM lingo, like LQ2M (Laughing quietly to myself), FOAG (Fuck off and Google), KMIA (Kiss my Italian ass), YKYARW (You know you’re a redneck when…), NE14KFC? (Seth: “Really?!”), NE14MCD? (Anyone for Mickey D’s), AWGTHTGTTA (Are we going to have to go through this again?), and BOBFOC. Seth: “Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch? What the fuck does this mean?!”
38:45 – Seth and Jonathan rip the blind people.
44:16 – S & J hammer Carson Daly, who’s celebrating his 5 years on the air.
27:38 and 42:40 – Jonathan going off on comments made on Little Man movie podcast website.
37:34 and 47:15 – Seth reems Jeff Foxworthy and Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
44:43 – Seth rips on Jaden Smith for his performance at the Oscars.
27:37 – Seth mocking a predator that wanted to be beaten up by the kid: “That sounds like the worst afternoon ever! I want you to pin me and give me a feeling of complete claustrophobia where I cannot get up, and then when there’s nothing else I can do I want you to punch me repeatedly and then piss and shit on me. It sounds like a shitty day! He wants that!”
45:49 – Jonathan going off on The Pussycat Dolls.
41:52 – Jah goes off on the Whole Foods employee: “Fif-teen minutes! It’s an express lane, you crazy fucking bitch!! … They’re not used to you having $1,800 in your account you fucking asshole? I dropped $1,800 from my GTI and didn’t turn around to pick it up. I stuck it in the paper-only bin. I made it rain in their recycling bin, bitch!! You don’t have any money, that’s why you’re trying to get 40% off your PowerBars bitch!!”
26:34 – Jah is down for you being whatever you are, but don’t be the cheesiest dickweed and do it and then tell him he’s calling you out on being whack.
29:51 – Jonathan goes off on people who are paranoid about having ATM cards and “marks of the beast,” then says what the real indications of the end of the world is: 12-year-old chicks on YouTube humping their dressers: “All they do is videotape their fucking asses humping a fucking dresser. That doesn’t concern you?!”
53:12 – Jonathan blasting fat mom and her kid at the convenience store.
43:11 – Seth rips on Larry King for his whack interviews and movie reviews.
30:27 – Seth & Jonathan go off on Nic Cage.
31:37 – Jonathan hammers Adam Brody for making out with girl half his age in In the Land of Women.
11:45 – Seth hammers CVS dudes who ruined his photos: “It’s a photograph! Isn’t by nature it important that you’ve decided to duplicate life. It’s just two months of me driving around my city and just snapping life – done. … I’ll just get those back. I’ll get the man assless from behind with a Jesus sign – I’ll get that back, don’t worry.” Jah agrees that it all ends with CVS.
14:35 – Seth goes off on people who use bathrooms at the supermarket and check their blood pressure at the supermarket.
34:47 and 37:30 – Seth: “Everybody just get in the missionary position and quit being fucking sick! … Can’t we just go to church like normal people?”
39:10 – Seth is furious at Bernard McGuirk for the statement he said on Nov. 2, 2005, when he said about Antonin Scalia: “…that meatball-sucking wop. First Scalia, now Aleto. What’s President Bush doing? Interpreting the constitution or making concrete?”
52:03 – Jonathan lashes back at people who accuse him of smoking herb on the show.
51:33 – Seth rips Charlie Sheen for wearing weird shirts in Two and a Half Men.
12:48 – Jah and Seth hammer JeffBridges.com and the monsterweb.
16:17 – Seth rips the guard on the Sony lot for saying "When you get to the Spiderman, hang a left.” Seth: “Hey dude, there are 7,000 pictures of Spiderman on this lot. He’s on the ground, he’s in the trees, he’s hologrammed on walls.”
19:33 – S & J go off on guy who sat next to Jonathan clipping toenails at Dodger game.
50:01 – Seth hammers Dr. Kevorkian for his crazy paintings: “It’s art. Is it?!! I like flowers and moons! I like wildflowers and ocean scenes. Call me crazy, but why does that dog have his cock in that dude’s armpit, and why is that armpit in a bomb, and why is that bomb in a church?” Then Seth rips on John Wayne Gacy.
58:24 – Jah hammers porn actress Barbie Cummings for randomly blowing some gross black dude wearing dirty Dickies and a JC Penney shirt in an ’87 Mustang in a parking lot.
19:24 – Seth going off on Jon Lovitz’s lifetime residency to the Laugh Factory: “You got him? How’d you nab him? He’s so busy and all with his characters that he does… from his specials.”
22:10 – Jah asks if Kevin Nealon would please stop doing his bit on being a porn reviewer because it’s wicked played out.
4:27 – Seth: “Hey Pinkberry, have a longer line at a street fair.”
26:54 – S & J rip on Criss Angel and Criss Angel lovers.
30:10 – Jah reads and rips an interview from Bruce “Bruno” Willis.
53:16 – More hammering on Bruno. Jah: “Bruno, do they know that when you say you used to smoke weed you used to eat mountains of cocaine in your butt?”
58:34 – Still more railing on Bruno.
43:44 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Gary Milby and his daughter Ariel. Seth: “Hey Gary Milby, your daughter’s Ariel Milby and that sucks.” Jah: “That’s a shitty name!”
51:31 – Seth blasts Paul McCartney.
53:38 – Jonathan and Seth use strong verbage to describe Avril Lavigne music: “It’s like an abortion inside your mind … It’s a back alley, late term, 1950s coat hanger abortion.”
57:02 – More rippage on Carson Daly and teens who attend his show.
23:26 – Seth hammers Seroquel.
36:15 – More pounding on Bruno Willis.
33:11 – Jonathan blasts Nickelback and its followers.
52:57 – Seth ramrods Robin Williams and his black guy character.
56:09 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Paul McCartney, and then Ringo Starr for his shitty solo works.
1:00:23 – Seth rips Danny Devito for not even making it to home plate when he threw out the first pitch at the Phillies game.
33:38 – Seth and Jonathan slam the Eric Bana/Drew Barrymore film Lucky You.
51:59 – Jonathan goes on an eight-minute tirade about YouTube and how it sends him to a dark place where he is an “alien,” then hammers other podcasts: “Yeah, I do a podcast. Do you? It sucks. Fuck off, you fuck. Stop fucking poisoning my water, you shitbirds!”
21:54 – Jonathan blasts other podcasts, then gives a top 10 list of “How You Know If You’re a Podcasting Faggot.”
59:07 – Jah goes back to the “other podcasts” topic: “It’s poisonous shit. It’s so not conducive for anything. … It’s just fucking more bullshit garbage and it shouldn’t be tolerated.”
18:24 – Jah hammers Deion Sanders for comparing dogfighting to ultimate fighting.
49:55 – Seth & Jonathan rip on Corey Feldman.
23:26 – Jah and Seth blast Cuba Gooding Jr. for his decline as an actor.
24:44 – Seth revisits the stupidity of kids.
42:39 – Seth on the people who want to beat up pussy. “I treat that shit like it’s the original Declaration of Independence, like the Gutenberg Bible. These motherfuckers take a chainsaw to it, they’re watching fucking Hostel, they don’t think twice about it. Anybody wanna get nasty? I’m gonna beat that pussy up! Hey dog, maybe that’s why you’re on Craigs List trying to get laid, because you’re beating pussies up left and right. Why don’t you try taking one and giving her a malted with two straws, waiting an hour before you’re punching it!”
58:08 – Seth on Craig’s List weirdos: Daddy looking for his daughter … “Hey dude! Go to church and meet somebody and raise a family. Don’t fuck your ‘daughter’ online. … I gotta be nasty with it! That’s what they like! Watch a little porn dog? Why don’t you quit watching porn and rent Finding Fucking Nemo and go to church like a normal person! We need more Pixar and less bukkake!”
8:02 – White dudes scare the shit out of Seth because they’re loner, fucking lunatics.
32:35 – Seth goes off on hippies for making homemade saline for people to put in their eyes on contact lenses.
19:35 – Seth’s reaction to Owen attempting suicide: “If I saw my fucking lady rolling around with Dax Shepard, I’d fucking kill myself too. It’s like Jennifer Aniston leaving Vince Vaughn for Dane Cook. Give me a rope because this is disgusting.”
49:21 – Seth rips his mom for only giving him 50 cents per tooth when he lost one.
55:27 – Seth and Jonathan hammer Kenny Chesney.
26:23 – Seth watching GMA, gets pissed that they’re reporting on old news that he has already covered on UYD: "They’re called freegans.” … “It’s called popcorn lung.” Seth: “Hey GMA you done fell off.”
34:37 and 44:44 – Jonathan reems Whoopi Goldberg for defending Vick on first day of The View: “It’s in their culture down there? It’s like saying incest is part of their culture!”
43:18 – Jah tells people they can stop intentionally making fun of 50 Cent’s name like they’re so out of it. Quit calling him half dollar and 25 Cent, please. Thanks.
50:26 – Seth goes off on Parade magazine for predicting that John Travolta would win as Best Actor for his portrayal of Edna Turnblad in Hairspray: “What the fuck are you talking about?!!! Well, I’d probably have to go with Johnny Travolta in Hairspray. You get it!”
51:36 – Seth rips dudes who point at another dude and go, “Ahhh, this guy!”
2:18 – Just a week after Jah told people to stop spoofing 50 Cent’s name, Al Michaels does exactly that on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
4:33 – Seth and Jah reem Daniel Radcliffe, a.k.a. Harry Potter, for being wicked small. Seth, who is 5-8, doesn’t believe Radcliffe is 5-8.
6:36 – Seth blasts Kenny Chesney on GMA in the rain with a tank top: “Dude, why are your teeny tiny Lees so tight?!!”
12:20 – Jah rips Jeff Foxworthy for his new beef jerky product. Seth says his impression of a Southern accent is saying the phrase, then starts to change the last word by going herda-herda-herda-hee.
35:07 – Seth goes off on the incredible amount of court shows on syndicated TV: Judge Maria Lopez, Judge Joe Brown, Judge David Young, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex, Judge Hatchett, Judge Judy, Jury Duty with Bruce Cutler, Divorce Court, People’s Court, Christina’s Court. “What the fuck man?!! That’s a lot of court shows!!”
39:17 – Seth pleads for America to stop eating: “You can’t eat a cheesy beefy fuck and then polish it off with a dippin’ strips with marinara and then finish that off with your fuckin’ crazy Oreo beard! That’s a crazy meal!!”
14:28 – Jah and Seth rip on Jeremy Piven for his crazy quote about demons and shadows.
15:05 – Seth rips on Sean Penn for comparing the character from Into the Wild with himself because he “grew up surfing.” Seth: “Dude, this kid starved to death in a bus in the Alaskan wildness!!”
49:01 – Seth lashes back at UYD listener Crow: “Aren’t you dead? I thought they were blanks.” Jah: “That’s The Crow. This is Crow.” Seth: “Oh. My bad.”
16:30 – National Federation of the Blind filed lawsuit against Target because it’s inaccessible to the blind. Seth: “Do you know why it’s inaccessible to the blind? Because they’re blind, and so shit like that’s inaccessible. You’d think there’s a shitload of shit that’s inaccessible.”
28:57 – Seth brings up the school shooting incidents this week and they show the Cleveland kid being influenced by Marilyn Manson: “Are they still blaming this dude for shit? This guy hasn’t had a song in like 15 years. What are they talking about?! Could I kill someone and they’d say I listen to Elvis and his swiveling hips sent me into a sexual frenzy?! … Marilyn who? … I vaguely remember listening to him in the ’90s. … What’s the cutoff for that?!”
32:00 – Seth hammers the news for reporting on a murder story where they kept saying the kids were having a “pizza party.” Seth: “First of all if you were having a pizza party you should be killed.”
2:12 – Jonathan slams Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters for continually writing songs that talk about overcoming obstacles and persevering, while having everything going perfect for them in real life.
33:24 – Jonathan stops Seth when he says that Drew Carey seems like a nice guy. Jah: “He’s never struck me once as a nice guy. He’s struck me as nothing but a prick who hangs out at the Playboy Mansion all the time and is like a snide, fat fuck shitty fucking comedian who’s sickly rich and fucks playmates and is gross.” Seth: “But he was like a Marine or something, wasn’t he?” Jah: “I don’t give a fuck, he’s an asshole!” Seth: “But isn’t he a people person? He’s from Cleveland.” Jah: “Just because he looks like shitheads in middle America doesn’t make him a people person. Drew Carey’s a dick! Fuck Foo Fighters! Fuck Drew Carey!”
57:01 – Seth rips Shawn Edwards, WDAF TV – Kansas City, for his horrendous movie reviews.
9:04 – Seth rips West Virginia for smoking while pregnant and having bad teeth.
33:43 – Seth goes off on the “in-between meal” that he saw advertised.
35:03 – Seth rips Philadelphia for being the least attractive, stylish and friendly people according to Travel & Leisure: “Hey MotownPhilly, you back again? Because you’re ugly, you dress shitty and you’re super cruel.”
47:01 – If Seth hears one more thing about New York pizza vs. Chicago pizza he’ll go bananas: “I got an idea – no one eats pizza anymore! The last time I had pizza was at a sleepover at somebody’s birthday party in the seventh grade.”
48:46 – Seth goes off on Arkansas for their typographical error in a law that allows anyone under the age of 18 to get married with parental consent: “Hey Arkansas, you’re a crazy fucking state with married babies! Stop it!”
51:11 and 54:53 – Seth going off on Rudy Giuliani rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series: “Why don’t you go jerk off 9-11 with your priest buddy? (Choking noise) Gobble on the 11. (Choking noise) Dual gobbling 11s while you stick a 9 up one of your wife’s butts, like, 9-11! (Choking noise)
58:36 – Seth tells people to stop wearing costumes because Halloween is for the kids.
5:40 – Jah sees two women at a Whole Foods, one with a George Washington wig and the other physically jacked up … then sees 54-year-old woman in a Lexus with cat ears and little dots: “Oh, are you a cat? At the point you even decide to dress up, what compels you to go as a cat? Your cat costume sucks.”
18:57 – Seth’s reaction to morgue security guard in Teaneck, N.J., catching a lab worker boning down with a 92-year-old female corpse: “Of all the things in the world that give you a boner, how does a dead 92-year-old corpse give you a boner? What is the makeup of that? Where is the synapses and the brain function and the things and the stuff? What is that?”
33:51 – Seth hammers colleges and students for the ridiculous courses they offer: “Go to school you fuckin’ hippies! What happened to doctors? There’s literally not a person in med school right now! There is not going to be a doctor in this country in 20 years, but there will be very well-versed Deadhead Red Sox fans.”
22:56 – Jah and Seth blast Seinfeld for his “Bee Movie.” Seth: “I saw it 10 years ago and it was called Ants, dick.”
25:18 – J & S hammer OJ for his most recent quote: “As always, I rely on the jury system.”
32:59 – Jah rips on carnies, then admits he had a friend who was a carny.
57:22 – Jah rips Anthony Kiedis and the RHCP for ripping off a Tom Petty song and getting sued for that, then suing a show for being called “Californication.”
20:29 – Seth and Jonathan ravage Ben Affleck for his barbed-wire tat and his crazy-looking face.
16:54 – Seth: “Stop making Mac commercials!”
24:06 – Jah goes off on people who have Easy buttons sitting on their desks.
26:22 – Jah blown away by the crazy college studies.
45:12 – Seth on pilots experiencing spatial disorientation: “Hey asshole, do me a wicked huge solid – get your ass off the fucking wing of the plane, put your ass back in your body and fucking land this shit at LAX because I’m losing my mind right now.”
59:03 – Jah goes off on the match.com for weedheads: “Could you make weed smoking sound less awesome? Because it sounds creepy and fucking terrible the way everyone’s talking about it!”
5:04 – Jah and Seth rip David Blaine again for his new stunt – staying awake for 12 straight days.
9:40 – Seth’s reaction to former CHiPs star Erik Estrada wanting to go to his grave in a police uniform and badge: “Sir, you were on a television show about 25 years ago. You’re not a police officer, sir. I’m going to pull you over and write you a ticket for being a crazy fucking lunatic.”
14:00 – Seth and Jah rip on Andy Rooney for his crazy diatribes.
19:00 – Seth hammers Snoop Dogg for his show Fatherhood and for his whack rap that goes along with it: “Don’t you have a soccer game to pick your family up in in a Dodge Caravan? I got some iron that will straighten yo’ ass out!”
52:15 – Seth and Jah slam the dude in Cheboygan who tries to bone down with his biological daughter: “Hey dude, you are the craziest of all time of Uhh Yeah Dude. You win.”
37:43 – Jah reems Joe Simpson and accuses him of at least fingering daughters Jessica and Ashley.
32:03 – Jah is pissed that every time he walks in a Starbucks he’s directly behind somebody who’s never been in one before. “So, what’s the deal here? What do you mean what’s the deal? The deal is I’ve got somebody waiting in the car for me, you fucking idiot!”
16:38 – Seth hammers Pizza Hut for coming up with a “new” pizza even though it’s the same thing as a normal pizza.
21:40 – Seth and J-dog hammer Criss Angel for his whack interview on Larry King Live. Jah: “For the first 10 minutes I was watching it I thought they were interviewing the guy from Fallout Boy or Panic at the Disco.” … Seth: “Criss Angel, I can only see one of your eyes.” Jah: “And it sucks. Your one eye is bumming me out. … No, he can’t catch bullets and cut himself in half. He’s actually what we used to call a magician, and those things that you’re talking about that he can dodge and survive and endure – those are called tricks, where through sleight of hand and technology, he makes it look as though he’s tearing himself apart and catching bullets in teeth and setting his eyeballs on fire. But he’s not actually doing it, because if you were to actually do that, he would be all fucked up and dead. You fucking asshole. Am I watching CNN, because this is a news channel.”
58:33 – Seth goes off on Christopher Lloyd and John Lithgow. He guarantees he will egg either one of them if he ever sees them in public.
1:04:50 – Seth goes off on weird rapists on internet.
10:15 – Seth blasts Mike Gravel for talking about dope and drinking and partying.
21:32 – Seth rips America for its system of voting: “I’ve got a new system: I’ll pick the president: Barack Obama.”
12:05 – We get to see Seth’s first rant on video, blasting a Craig’s List Missed Connections poster – “Do you have any idea, dude, how fucking weird that is? You got a haircut, you talked to the girl that cut your hair. You managed to secure a real-life date. You’re so crazy that you got home and you can’t wait until Saturday. You’re now typing cryptic messages, maybe she’s reading this. Is this weird? It’s fuckin’ wicked weird, dude. It’s W weird. You can’t wait homey?! You can’t wait dog!!?”
6:32 – Seth rips Andy Rooney. “Dude what are you fucking talking about? … He can’t— … What—… At what point does somebody just pull the plug? And not on his appearances. Literally, like when does someone just boot him down a stairwell at the CBS studios in New York. Like walk up, turn the surveillance camera off and just boot that fucking dude down the stairs. Women in the Congo being systematically raped across the country!!! Elastic bands are really holding it together for me. Are you talking about umbrellas dude??! Fuck man! Fuck Rambo!!!”
16:44 – Seth and Jah go off on baby names: “Cristal?!!!! In the future, when I’m president, everyone has to name their girls Jen and their boys Jack.”
6:02 – Jonathan and Seth hammer the new Wayans movie Meet the Spartans and their website.
16:53 – Jonathan and Seth blast former Dolphins player Mercury Morris for his crazy analogies about the Patriots’ undefeated season.
21:21 – Seth hammers Mitt Romney for referencing the Baja Men.
41:54 – Seth blasts Ringo Starr and his new album Liverpool 8, then sings a little of it
1:01:13 – Seth circles back and hammers the 9-iron parking attendant guy who was being a dick to Jah: “Do you know how it works in the real world? The other person hands you back the money that they owe you and then you both go about your fucking business. You don’t pocket the $2 and then walk away – that’s fucked up! That motherfucker! You’re going to hit me with a golf club? You owe me $2 asshole! Give me $2 and then you can do whatever the fuck you want!!”
1:01:59 – Seth hammers Second Life people and Craig’s List posters: “Delete your internet. Kill your computer.”
31:26 – Seth rips into some woman who wrote 18 paragraphs on Rants & Raves on Craig’s List. “Hey, stop telling me about your shit.”
0:29 – Seth references Ricky Gervais’ voicemail message that was played at the beginning of Episode 102, then hammers UYD listeners for not even acknowledging the message.
10:26 – Seth goes off again on the Ricky Gervais thing.
26:37 – Seth keeps hammering on listeners for completely ignoring Ricky Gervais.
38:19 – Seth tries to figure out why he gets so pissed at old white people talking (like Larry King, Andy Rooney, Rappin’ Granny, etc.): “I know it affects everyone negatively. Why does it so potently get me though?” Jah: “I don’t know. It’s awesome though.” … Seth then rips Larry King for saying "Check out our latest podecast" when Bill Maher is on his show (38:59).
29:03 – Seth hammers on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: “I wish Rambo would just get behind his AK and just mow that fucking guy down.”
30:37 – Seth rips the new ad for Skoal with two dudes out in the woods by a stream, reading WELCOME TO THE BROTHERHOOD.
46:37 – Seth rips the crazily dressed dudes he spotted at a Jamba Juice: “Dude, if we were in Sacramento right now in 1994 and we were at a fucking rave, you would look like a douchebag. You’re in a Jamba Juice in March of 2008 at fucking HollyWest. Are you fucking serious?!?!?”
51:34 – Seth going off on cops sucking up to O.J. and polticians sucking up to Roger Clemens: “Are you people OK?!?!”
51:59 – Jah says Seth overreacted about the Ricky Gervais thing in Episode 103 b/c they were overloaded with voicemails, e-mails and texts from listeners posing theories about why no one replied and apologizing for not getting on it
55:48 – Jah and Seth rip on SI Swimsuit model Melissa Haro for her quotes in the latest swimsuit issue: “I have a secret crush on… Toby Keith. He’s a bad boy. He’s got a voice that can make a girl melt, and he’s just all-around sexy.”
58:06 – Jonathan goes off on the Grammys for being a whack variety show and Herbie Hancock winning Album of the Year, then hammers his dog Kanye.
30:51 – Seth blasts Larry the Cable Guy for doing nothing else except standing on stage and yelling “Git ‘Er Dun!”
1:01:56 – Seth reems “Ask a Ninja,” the podcast with the dude dressed up like a ninja who answers questions: “How ’bout Ask a Pirate? What other things could you come up with that could be less likely for me to ask you a question? For real?”
5:08 and 31:53 – Seth and Jah blast Harrison Ford for wearing a crazy earring during the Oscars. Daniel Day-Lewis gets a pass because he’s Irish.
17:08 – Seth rips the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company with its 28 restaurants based on Forrest Gump.
22:29 – Jah rips on the post-Oscar interviewer who interviews everyone at the Governor’s Ball (George Pennacchio) and the awkwardness he creates.
1:00:23 – Seth hammers the couple that won the $270 million from Georgia with their herda-hadda-herda country ramblings.
16:59 – Seth rips on dudes who pronounce “Porsche” all properly.
19:17 – Jah and Seth blast creepo dudes who don’t throw any game with girls and just stare at girls. Seth: “All fuckin week I’m in that Whole Foods, and it’s packed with good-looking girls, and every time I’m in line, I hear some dude, like What are those, organic walnuts? Yeah! Why are you looking in my fucking bag and commenting on my shit, dog?! I’m not looking in your bag and commenting on your fuckin’ shit! Hey, are those tofutti cuties? You’re a cutie. Why don’t we share a tofutti cutie? Get out of my face, rapist!!” (20:25)
27:17 – Seth rips Marc Zuckerberg for wearing a fleece Patagonia, Abercrombie cargo shorts and Croc Tivas: “You’re worth $1.5 billion, you should be wrapping yourself in babies.”
28:18 – Seth going off on all the backpacks he sees daily.
31:24 – Jah goes off on promos on Myspace for match.com – faux videos for “see who’s on!”
12:04 – Seth rips Jenna Jameson for showing her horrible naked body to everyone.
18:47 – Seth slams Billy Crystal and the Yankees for signing the 60-year-old to a 1-day contract to play in spring training, wear No. 60 (his age) and strike out swinging, plus Robin Williams was in the crowd cheering him on.
31:28 – Seth hammers old people for talking about how they notice the price differences between now and yesteryear.
54:05 – Seth and Jonathan hammer the Brad and Angelino package (Episode 091).
42:09 – Seth hammers the dudes getting headshots taken outdoors in their horrible poses.
27:15 – Seth slams Andy Rooney for his incoherent ramblings on national TV: “I would rather watch 6-year-olds reviewing X-rated movies than this fucking guy.”
2:24 – Jah and Seth rip on Jonathan’s brother Benjamin, who just turned 21, for not listening to UYD. Seth: “Yeah I heard that last half of 80, it was pretty good. …”
27:04 – Jah rips Starbucks for their panini makers: “That’s not a good way to combat McDonald’s putting baristas in their restaurants… fucking idiots.”
59:59 – Seth makes fun of the dude he sees at the store buying the complete first season of Becker on DVD: “Dude what are you buying right now?!”
20:34 – Jah rips on Hillary Clinton for continuing her bid to run for president.
28:15 – Seth goes off on Jonathan for having the word “dream” in his coffee order. “How did it go from joe to dream?!”
42:24 – Seth rips on fools who get on YouTube and post ridiculous comments: “Everybody stop everything. Just fucking stop.” Jonathan says what can you do but watch The Hills.
44:50 – Seth re-references the story about going to the zoo on his birthday (Episode 033), Sept. 20, and getting a panic attack from the way people interacted with animals.
21:33 – New Kids on the Block, May 16, Today Show. Seth: “Oh, all five of you? Danny too? Oh cool. No big whoop.”
46:05 – Seth rips Hillary Clinton for her whack hairstyle: “She looks like Pacino.”
47:33 – A revisitation of dudes’ whack fashion. Seth goes off on 3 college dudes standing in the background of Obama’s speech the other night, all wearing crazy Abercrombie & Fitch shirts. Jah says the biggest issue right now is that men’s jeans are at an all-time low, and the t-shirt thing is starting to take ahold now. Seth can’t figure out why Jah always looks like a million bucks and everyone else is a jackass. Jah is getting a panic attack from the younger kids who are just now getting into the fashions that he used to sport back in the early 90s. Seth proposes that they simply start wearing tuxedos all the time.
28:15 – Seth rips on people who do triathlons and go swimming in the ocean, then get killed by sharks.
10:37 – Seth says that if there’s a breathlyzer at his prom, he’s going to go apeshit.
48:42 – After reading from Craig’s List Seth can’t help it: “We are all going to die!”
28:20 – Seth goes off once again on David Blaine for not being a real magician. Jonathan thinks he’s just a new version of Evil Knievel. In September in Central Park, Blaine will try to go 11.57 days without sleep to set a new world record.
30:35 – Seth goes off on the people he saw on video going through surveillance at airports and stealing iPhones, laptops, and everything else.
39:41 – Jah and Seth hammer people who get their teeth whitened at the mall, which Jah has watched. He says it looks like a nightclub because of the glowing blue lights.
44:56 – Seth rips Nicole Kidman for looking wicked fucked up at the Country Music Awards. Jonathan thinks it’s a weird deal with her, and he’s never found her particularly sexy. Her face doesn’t really move anymore, but Jah fell in love with her in the movie Birthday Girl.
46:14 – Jah and Seth go off on Criss Angel again for his whack fashion.
49:03 – Seth hammers people wanting to put a man on the moon again, as well as conspiracy theorists who believe in Zeitgeist and Building 7.
7:45 – Seth and Jah rip on the Adam Sandler Zohan movie posters that have Sandler’s cock and balls and white sandals up in their grill.
34:13 – Jonathan and Seth hammer Sharon Stone for her whack quote about the Chinese and the Tibetans, and about how she thinks the Dali lama is her friend.
10:29 – Seth rips on Usher for having whack cologne.
27:18 – Jonathan rips on the dude whose shitty life is so shitty that the chunk of his day commuting is worth a gallon of gas: “What’s up Mad Max? Your life sucks, dude!”
30:04 – Seth and Jah hammer the Daddy Dolls, which is the new version of flat daddy. Seth: “Hey kid, where’s flat daddy?” He was replaced by daddy doll. Why not just replace him with real dad?!” … “Why are they always in camo!? Everything’s in camo!”
41:09 – Seth has been seeing young women in the L.A. area wearing tunics, but blasts the dudes who have been wearing them. “Unless you’re Prince or Jason Lewis you can’t pull off a tunic!”
55:48 – Seth rips on Coldplay for dressing like futuristic homeless people.
6:17 – Seth rips on the hyper miler dudes who ask about MPGs.
29:51 – Seth tells people to stop saying “All timers” when they’re talking about Alzheimer’s disease. “She has diaretes? What does she have? Diaretes? That sounds terrible.” Jah can’t stop laughing at Seth’s made up word.
31:37 – Seth is pissed that people are still doing air guitar.
0:47 – Seth rips on Jacko for wheeling around in a wheelchair with a crazy Rasta wig in Las Vegas with his messed up kids walking behind him.
28:13 – Seth rips on the HBO show Cathouse and the main slut in it, Air Force Amy.
51:08 – Seth hammers Will Ferrell and his new shitty movie, Step Brothers. Seth claims he would rather watch his own NASCAR commercial 81 times in a row than watch Talladega Nights again.
9:51 – Seth hammers Kevin Costner for being back in the spotlight in 2008.
8:48 – Seth and Jah hammer Shark Week.
10:44 – Seth rips The Two Coreys, specifically how Corey Feldman’s wife is in the latest Playboy. Seth also hammers the name of the Feldmans’ child, “Zen Feldman.” Seth then blasts Feldman for being in PETA and wearing leather jackets.
16:15 – Seth absolutely demolishes Criss Angel for his new season premiere, how he wears Affliction hoodies and has a full beard and iced out hands that force him to drop playing cards. One of the guys in the crowd: “That’s a mindf---” (bleep).
5:26 – Following Shia Lebouef’s car accident, Seth hammers all the news stations who incorrectly pronounce the young actor’s name.
33:00 – Seth is so sick of bicycles because they’re everywhere and they’re so ridiculously slow.
15:02 – Seth rips on Jonathan for rolling into Boston Market and eating macaroni and cheese and numerous other kinds of cheese on numerous other occasions, even though he claims to be vegan.
56:33 – Seth goes off on Dan Aykroyd for buying a house in the Pacific Palisades for $15 million despite not being in a movie for 25 years.
11:12 – Jah hammers PETA for focusing their time on stupid efforts.
15:08 – Seth goes off on the new X Files movie and the fact that it’s coming out 10 years after the show was on.
16:18 – Seth rips on a horrible upcoming movie coming out the day before Seth’s birthday, My Best Friend’s Girl, starring Kate Hudson, Dane Cook and Jason Biggs: “Did I come up with this cast?” Jah thinks Jason Biggs died of AIDS at the young age of 37.
25:50 – Jah blasts China for lying and trying to trick the world about everything.
27:43 – Jah has watched so much Olympic boxing, and says the matches are the worst.
17:25 – Jah hammers male fashion, insinuating that it can’t get much worse than it is.
24:31 – Jah rips on WebMD for being poisonous because it will always tell you things are much worse than they really are.
27:27 – Seth makes fun of Jah for saying his decision to do drugs again was long and drawn out: “Really? You stumbled into an antique store, some dude was like, ‘You wanna drink absinthe?’ You’re like, ‘Fuck man, I can’t get that. Yeah!’” Jah: “That is not true. Come on.”
29:38 – Seth hammers the upcoming movie with De Niro and Pacino, Righteous Kill, that the thrust of it is “2 heavyweights at the top of their game.” Jah says UYD hopes they don’t get sponsored by that movie next week because they’ll change their tune mighty quick.
1:46 – Seth goes off on Nicolas Cage’s hair in his new movie, Bangkok Dangerous, which he saw at a red light the other day. Jah says the only things he’s seen getting as black as Cage’s hair are cars and guns.
10:05 – Jah is pissed at Starbucks because, in their attempt to be more eco-friendly in using a different kind of plastic cup and lid, is using the new model lids with the old cups and the employees have to tell people it will fall off when you grab it by the top.
12:43 – Seth and Jah rip on David Blaine for his new “magic” trick, suspending himself upside down on a high wire in Central Park for 3 days and nights, culminating with a live 2-hour primetime special on ABC, Wednesday, Sept. 24.
23:41 – Seth hammers Al Gore for his ridiculously boring documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, which Seth fell asleep 8 minutes into. Seth preferred March of the Penguins and Jah is an Ice Age man himself. Seth then rips on Space Chimps and Jah bites into Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
2:17 – Seth hammers the new 90210, which he calls a personal attack on him, Jason Priestly and Coy Perry. Although he did like the scene where Nat asks about Brenda’s brother, who turns out to be Brandon.
4:21 – Seth rips on 40- and 50-year-old dudes who really get into Batman, Spiderman and Iron Man. “I don’t get it man?”
22:10 – Seth hammers Domino’s for putting sandwiches on their menu. He also blasts Jonathan for eating Domino’s this week. Jah claims his veganism is not doing well since he quit smoking, and Seth’s tough love attempt on the show a couple weeks ago sent Jah even further down in the dumps.
7:57 – Seth is pissed that everyone he knows or speaks to is making references to Taco Bell. Jah thinks maybe it’s because of the strained financial times and people are eating budget food.
22:42 – Seth rips on Lil’ Wayne for bowing down to Kid Rock. Lil’ Wayne was on Seth’s list of people who could never go wrong, but now he’s on the bottom of his list.
43:52 – Seth hammers Lance Armstrong for coming out of retirement because no one gives a fuck that he rode a bike, stopped riding the bike and is now going to ride the bike again. He also lumps Michael Phelps into the mix.
51:14 – Seth rips the new Domino’s commercial that has the talking piece of rigatoni speaking ebonics with the child actor. He thinks it’s the new rappin’ granny revival, in a strange era where Lil’ Wayne is worshiping Kid Rock.
4:11 – Seth hammers The Dark Knight for being re-released because no one hasn’t seen it. Jah follows this with his rendition of Christian Bale’s Batman voice.
17:25 – Jah references the fact that a couple weeks back (Episode 131, 4:48) he said Cheech & Chong were having their heyday in the late 50s and there was much listener feedback blasting him for this, then goes off on the listeners for not understanding the comedy there. He also says to stop sending him lists of factoids about Sarah Palin.
18:55 – Seth goes off on the 44,000 people who went out and bought LL Cool J’s new record during the first week it came out.
1:03:19 – Jah doesn’t want to see any more Obama stickers that have the “O” of Obama being a peace sign. He doesn’t want any more superimposing of whatever ideals we affiliate ourselves with as individuals and automatically lump them onto him because he’s the only option to do that with. He doesn’t want to see any more homemade Obama stickers either.
1:45 – Seth hammers his new DVR from Time Warner Cable that doesn’t compare to his previous favorite, TiVo.
4:34 – Seth rips Krispy Kreme and TiVo for not making any money and posting profit losses every year.
30:10 – Seth hammers blind people for protesting everything.
39:32 – Seth goes off on John McCain and said everytime he sees him moving his robot arms he wants to chop them off.
52:29 – Seth goes off on whack beer commercials about “drinkability” or “cold silver bullet trains” and gets pissed that people actually attention to them and switch brands because of them.
55:10 – Seth says he deals on a daily basis with 50-some people who shouldn’t be allowed to go to a Cuckaroo let alone vote for the president, and goes off on idiots who shouldn’t be allowed that right.
7:36 – Seth is flabbergasted that he was watching Jim Norton’s Down & Dirty Comedy on HBO and saw a comedian he was quasi-familiar with: Andrew Dice Clay. Dice was holding an unlit cigarette and saying things like What’s with this Verizon guy? Can you hear me now? … This guy comes up to me with Blackberry. The only thing I like black is underneath me is a big fat ass, the only thing I want to ‘berry’ is my face in it! Whoa!
9:39 – Jah and Seth rip on The Love Guru, and Seth blasts Jah for getting all excited about it when he saw the trailer for it.
32:37 – Seth rips on Blues Traveler appearing on Lettermen this week.
33:32 – Seth rips the new Metallica song he keeps hearing on the radio.
36:37 – Seth hammers morons who do studies and call energy drinks gateway products: “A gateway to what? Waking up and getting something fucking done?”
38:44 – Seth rips Body of Lies for making less money in its opening weekend than Beverly Hills Chihuahua in its second week out. He says things haven’t improved for Leonardo DiCaprio too much since Seth saw The Beach and the Korean usher at the theater said “They no like Leo.” (Episode 126, 24:27)
58:09 – Seth revisits why Philly is such a mean-spirited city (Episode 088, 35:03) because of the Parking Wars show, and how they threw snowballs at Santa, booed Sarah Palin when she dropped the puck at a Flyers game, etc.
3:28 – Seth rips on Frank TV, and Jah points out the fact that Frank Caliendo couldn’t stop doing his voices during the wrap-up of Letterman.
28:45 – Seth and Jah rip on the title of the new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace although Seth admits he’s never seen a Bond film and doesn’t understand it. Jah explains that he’s a secret agent who gets mad-laid. He also says that his catchphrases are “I’ll Be Back” and “Fugeddaboudit.”
33:45 – Seth hammers Snoop Dogg for remixing “I Walk The Line” on the Johnny Cash remix album.
34:13 – Seth rips Lil’ Wayne for his blog on ESPN: The Magazine, in which he talks shit about the Cowboys, which Seth doesn’t appreciate.
35:51 – Seth blasts people who still dress up in zombie-like costumes and perform the “Thriller” routine.
15:40 – Seth hammers all the grown adults who were dressed up as The Joker for Halloween. He saw about 80 dudes in their 30s and older dressed like this, and says they should’ve been in Thousand Oaks with their friends or co-workers trick-or-treating with their kids.
17:42 – Jonathan and Seth slam Buck Burnette for the “death threat” he implied about Obama on his Facebook page.
12:56 – Seth rips 24 for being back on TV. Jah saw a magazine with his face on the cover but it didn’t say Kiefer Sutherland. It just said Jack Bauer.
13:36 – Seth blasts Jason Alexander for doing a guest spot on Criminal Minds, playing a serial killer. He’s wearing a long gray wig and whispering a lot: “Hey Jason Alexander, you’re a wicked shitty actor.”
28:07 – Jonathan and Seth rip on people who have a grip of Obama stickers on their cars, and wonder how they’ll look in six years. They still regularly see people with John Kerry stickers on their cars. Jah: “I’m a slob, but that kind of stuff, I wouldn’t be caught fucking dead.” Jah also rips on the one he sees: DON’T BLAME ME. I VOTED FOR GORE. Jah says either people either need to take off the bumper sticker right now or show him the twins. Seth says they have to give him either ass, cash or grass.
10:19 – Seth rips on UYD friend of the show, Dimitri, for having his brand-new flat screen super-dope TV on ambiently, yet having Zohan playing on it.
10:39 – Seth slams Step Brothers, especially for the 30-second trailer for the DVD featuring nothing but a montage of people being struck with shit.
14:14 – Seth yet again rips on Paul McCartney, who will be releasing a wicked shitty album in 2009. He also makes fun of Ringo Starr for setting a deadline for fan mail – after the date he will not sign any more autographs, etc. Seth then recalls the last time he blasted McCartney (Episode 069, 51:31) when he heard the “let’s all dance tonight” song in Starbucks.
46:45 – Seth slams Barbara Walters for interviewing Tom Cruise as one of the Ten Most Fascinating People of 2008 – since Cruise hasn’t done anything all year.
18:19 – Seth rips on the two finalists on The Pickup Artist giving the worst cold opens ever. Simien, the winner, would say “Tell me what movie this line’s from – ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner?’” And then Matt: “Hey ladies, so crazy – me and my friends just pulled off a caper – the likes that have not been seen since the end of Ocean’s 11.”
11:15 – Seth rips Hunky Santa for being so hunky, and Jonathan wants him to be less light-in-the-loafers gay and shaved. Seth wants traditional Santa Claus.
19:48 – Seth slams late night talk show hosts and how their interviewing technique and questions are so horrible. Seth legitimately wants the listeners’ opinion on what they’re seeing on late night.
22:00 – Seth makes fun of Burger Kings’ “Whopper Virgin” commercials, where they have a Transylvanian, an Icelandic tribe member, a Thai, etc. eat both a Big Mac and a Whopper and choose which one tastes better. Seth also makes fun of the “Whopper Freakout” commercials.
38:35 – Seth rips Ludacris and T-Pain for the line in their new song “One More Drink”: If I take one more drink, I’m gonna end up fuckin’ you.
59:02 – Seth is pissed because the celebs he’s been seeing at Whole Foods are so low-rent that they aren’t even worth his time. He’s sick of seeing Robbie Laughlin, the style guy from The Daily 10 being crazy loud at the gelato stand, so out of respect Seth gives him a “Robbie!”
24:14 – Seth rips everybody for going in droves to see Four Christmases. “You don’t have to go see it because it has the word of the season it’s in!”
45:03 – Seth blasts Michael Phelps for wanting his own video game: “Your video game sucks worse than what you do in real time.” He then rips on anyone who swims.
28:54 – Jonathan and Seth hammer Robin Williams, who got 6 segments on The Tonight Show on Dec. 22. He managed to get out of his seat a lot and did his black guy character while impersonating Barack Obama.
39:35 – Seth demands that everyone on talk shows stop talking about their kids – because nobody cares about them.
41:32 – Seth cuts off Jah’s story when he mentions a 92-year-old woman and infuriates himself thinking about old people with their pedal error killing 9 viable 35-year-olds.
58:31 – Seth goes off on people who are still going to Bon Jovi concerts, considering “Slippery When Wet” came out 22 years ago when Seth first started drinking. 2.2 million fans attended their concerts in 2008.
26:35 – Seth goes off on Art Bell and all his conspiracy theory freaks who have whack predictions for 2009.
57:57 – Jah reads the official SI press release about people who can opt out of receiving the annual swimsuit issue, and rips on “fags” who would choose to decline the issue. Seth can’t comprehend who wouldn’t want that issue.
25:15 – Jah hammers all girls, namely the ones listening to UYD, who keep dating the biggest tools on the face of the planet.
46:06 – Jah and Seth hammer the People’s Choice Awards for giving Adam Sandler the “Favorite Funny Male Star” award and giving 27 Dresses the “Favorite Movie Comedy.” They can’t think of the name of the actress who stars in it – Katherine Heigl. Favorite Game Show – Deal Or No Deal. Favorite Rock Song – “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock. Favorite New TV Show – Gary Unmarried (Seth’s show).
27:38 – Seth reads the full synopsis of the movie Seven Pounds, after which he and Jah both laugh and hammer the film for ever being made.
37:01 – Jah demands that no one invite him over to their inauguration party. He’s already been invited to 5 parties thus far. “Guess what guys, we’re done with that now. We’re finished for a long time. Let him go and disappear and do some shit. We don’t need to throw another party.”
5:55 – Seth rips The Dark Knight and Heath Ledger’s performance, which he thinks was overrated.
18:11 – Seth hammers Joaquin Phoenix for his new rapper steeze: “We don’t give a fuck what you do.”
20:29 – Seth blasts the concept of another Pink Panther movie.
21:29 – Seth blasts the Miss America contestants for getting overly excited, and blasts Kate Winslett for acting like she’s never won an award in her life: “Why are you acting so crazy? It’s not like Publisher’s Clearing House is rolling up to your house. There’s only 4 other people who could beat you!” Jah disagrees and thinks they have the right to get that crazy excited.
30:55 – Seth rips on the new movie starring Seth Rogen called Observe and Report, in which he plays a mall security guard named Ronnie Barnhardt. Jah thinks the slogan for the movie should be “Different Mall. Different Cop. Same hijinx,” so no one confuses it with Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Seth then rips Paul Blart and people who went to go see it, earning it $67 million in the first few weeks.
37:51 – Jah rips on TV people in the world who have jobs of interviewing other people and are doing a really bad job at it. Basically the only good ones are Charlie Rose, Stephen Colbert, Oprah and sometimes Letterman. Seth: “Carson Daly.” Jah: “A-ma-zing.”
48:12 – Seth and Jah hammer Kanye West. Seth can barely say the words Kanye West without getting mad at himself. If he has to talk about that he tries to just point. He carries a picture of Kanye around with him so in case he comes up in conversation he can just point to the small portrait of him.
40:16 – Seth blasts people at stores who won’t accept his $100 bills because they can’t break them.
54:44 – Seth threatens to kill grandma and grandpa if they try to use some of the hip lingo that Seth found in that AARP booklet.
14:45 – Jah and Seth blast the upcoming Transformers sequel
15:20 – Seth saw The Cure on a late-night talk show singing music, and doesn’t think they looked too good.
19:37 – Seth and Jah hammer Coldplay for trying to wear Sergeant Pepper Beatles rigouts
26:02 – Jah goes off on the whole incident behind Michael Phelps smoking weed: “There’s no way Kellogg’s is not cutting you out of your fucking endorsement, no matter what you say! Why are you getting on camera and just sucking massive fucking dick? And not just going, like, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done it in a place where there was some douchebag who was going to take a picture of me with a fucking iPhone. I’m 22. I smoke weed. We all smoke weed. What’s up world?! … Just be a fucking man and stand up for yourself!”
34:12 – Seth goes off on a “stupid bitch” who drafted a letter and mailed it into Parade magazine to try to settle a bet between her and her husband
48:37 – Seth hammers people who are reading books and trying to be uplifted by them: “If you can read a book and it can change your life, you’re totally fucked. You’re more fucked than you were in the first place when you sat down to read the book!” Jah: “Unless it’s The Secret, because that shit works.” (Episode 052, 0:17). Jah isn’t sure if he’s on board, because he’s had certain records that have changed his life. Seth agrees and says “cut the fuck” because that’s cool.
1:01:04 – Jah hammers PETA because it’ll be another year before they reach out to vegetarian podcasters like them and they’ll just end up having to turn them down
1:08:30 – Seth: “Hey, Jason. Fuck off Jason.”
1:20 – Jah and Seth go off on Albright College in Reading, Pa. for having WHITE and COLORED drinking fountains. Seth: “And first of all, what are you doing at a fountain? Get an Aquafina you fucking idiot. Why don’t you take the receiver on the payphone, take your shirt off and rub it on your chest?”
6:13 – Jah: “Hey, um, everybody – stop playing World of Warcraft.”
16:50 – Seth and Jah rip Terrence Howard for defending Chris Brown and hammer Chris Brown for being an asshole and beating Rihanna
45:27 – Seth rips Kanye West and his wack haircut at the Grammys, which Jah was kind of down with. Seth thinks it’s because of the high-tops Jah was wearing at their meeting last week, which had faux fur bent over the top of the high-tops.
4:01 – Seth rips on Nic Cage for continuing to make crazy movies, including the upcoming Knowing.
3:17 – Jah rips on Dr. Phil and his dumpty accent
13:36 – Jah and Seth hammer TiVo Suggestions – really bad show tips from TiVo. Seth: “Just because I watch a lot of baseball, don’t give me cricket.”
17:14 – Seth: “Hey country – stop!”
41:41 – Jah and Seth slam Joaquin Phoenix for visiting and singing in Folsom Prison
43:36 – Jah rips Jack Osborne for his new TV show, Adrenaline Junky
51:19 – Seth blasts Joe Rogan for the Fear Factor: Psycho episode
54:53 – Seth hammers Donovan McNabb for doing commercials with his mother
13:50 – Jah blasts Craig Ferguson and can’t believe he thought it was going to work out.
26:40 – Jah pisses on people who say people who talk like assholes are “controversial,” as opposed to just “stupid.”
1:49 – Seth rips on U2 for their new tour “No Line On The Horizon,” which was originally titled “Kiss The Future.”
25:00 – Seth hammers Jamie Foxx for his new video for his song “Blame It,” which features appearances by Ron Howard, Jake Gyllenhaal, Samuel L. Jackson and Forest Whitaker, who all appear “in da club” in the video.
16:19 – Seth goes off on Peter Arnell, an ad guy who designed the Pepsi logo which was nothing more than a rip-off of Obama’s logo. In his 27-page memo to Pepsi that was leaked to other people in the ad world, he cited a bunch of mumbo-jumbo as his reasoning for designing it. He also designed the new Tropicana label, which everyone hates.
33:21 – Seth hammers Seth Rogen for constantly talking about his weight loss
45:30 – Seth and Jah go off on China for not being able to make a sweatshirt
4:08 – Seth blasts Eminem for acting like people miss him in his new music video
5:59 – Baja Fresh done fell off. Jah doesn’t know if it’s tough economic times but they suck now.
11:15 – Seth hammers Canada for awarding Nickelback their fourth consecutive Canadian Grammy for Artist of the Year: “Canadians are fucked up people I think. … All they do is play hockey and listen to Nickelback!”
39:49 – Seth rips on Matthew McConaughey for saying Dee-wight Yoakum and telling a horrible story during the CMAs
56:00 – Jah rips into Criss Angel for his video with Lil’ Wayne
1:00 – Jah and Seth slam the new BK commercial for the 99-cent Spongebob Squarepants kids meal featuring Sir Mix-A-Lot saying “I Like Square Butts”
3:18 – Seth tells us of some lame t-shirts he’s been seeing lately: I’M A HYBRID. I RUN ON BEER AND PIZZA. And another from a guy on 60 Minutes: WB: IF YOU SEE DA POLICE, WARNA BROTHA. Jah likes the WB one that says WORLD BANK underneath it
9:15 – Seth hammers the shitty Johnny Rocket’s on Melrose and how they serve $6 PB&J sandwiches
10:31 – Seth and Jah rip on Clarence Thomas for being so old school that he believes a dishwasher is a miracle
19:13 – Seth hammers Christopher Lloyd for not knowing what Lost is: “I don’t give a fuck if he lives on fucking Zorbitron! … L-O-S-T? Yeah, that’s how you spell Lost! Fuck! F-U-C-K!”
21:28 – Seth rips into Jamie Foxx for saying he has private aspects of his life.
23:41 – Seth blasts Prince for being “The Artist Formerly Known as Good.”
28:33 – Seth hammers the Wrigley Science Institute for their wack studies
42:57 – Seth rips on Sean Fanning, the Napster inventor, still rocking his baseball hats, for trying to create a Facebook for gamers.
11:50 – Seth rips on the cast of Hair, a bunch of dirty hippies who think 2009 is 1969, and how they performed at such gusto on Letterman and one girl ran up and handed Letterman a flower.
39:38 – Seth blasts Ashton Kutcher
49:58 – Jah and Seth are flabbergasted about Sugar Ray getting back together
52:34 – Seth hammers the new Jared jewelry commercials
55:30 – Jah: “Hey PETA, you can’t have it both ways, you contrarian motherfuckers!”
33:51 – Seth rips on Mel Gibson, whom he saw in a picture driving a 1989 Toyota Cressida
44:09 – Seth hammers Robin Williams for his wack routine on Letterman last night, where he did six minutes on Michael Phelps. Seth was expecting him to do his black guy routine and was surprised he didn’t do it, but then he saw him the next day on Access Hollywood mixing in the black guy routine while talking about Vulcans.
55:08 – Seth goes off on Ben Harper and David Arquette for their wack clothing line
1:01:32 – Seth is creeped out by the members of the Black-Eyed Peas, especially the little guy, Apple
2:16 – Seth slams Ben Stiller’s crazy shag hair, where he’s sort of let it go and it shoots out every which way.
11:00 – Jah rips Jessica Simpson for doing a fluff piece photo op for Vanity Fair addressing her weight issue which included the question on the cover “Does This Look Fat To You?” yet doing the photo spread with nothing but button-up pant suits.
1:13 – Jah makes fun of Pier One Imports for being such a low-rent store yet managing to remain in business.
6:30 – Seth slams Larry King for getting thrown out of his son’s Little League game and not saving that energy for conducting good interviews.
21:20 – Seth hammers Marilyn Manson for releasing a new record and having the most played-out game in history and yet somehow dating Evan Rachel Wood.
42:01 – Seth rips Eric Clapton for not thinking he’s made his best album yet.
49:13 – Jah goes off on Scott Roeder, who killed the abortion doctor, George Tiller, while he was in church.
3:09 – Seth rips on Bruce Willis for looking like Stellan Skarsgård in his new movie, Surrogates, a robot thriller set in a futuristic world where real life has become an actual world of The Sims.
7:04 – Jah and Seth hammer Ben Lyons for sucking as a “movie expert.”
15:02 – Seth rips on Bruce Springsteen, who performed four hours of terrible music at Bonnaroo and kept calling it “The Bonnaroo” and saying how hot it was outside and still singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
16:43 – Seth hammers Weird Al for still doing music
34:47 – Seth decimates Andy Rooney.
44:23 and 45:55 – Seth rips on Jonathan for breaking his vegetarianism so casually. Jah is surprised that Seth is legitimately mad at him.
12:49 – Seth hammers Transformers 2, specifically for having characters named Mudflap and Skids being voiced by Robin Williams and having Devastator with two enormous wrecking balls for balls. Seth went to the Cineramadome at 9 a.m. to see it.
14:34 – Seth rips Jennifer Love Hewitt for writing a horrible book about relationship advice.
15:58 – Jah slams Ryan Cabrera, who looks like an extra from Mystic Pizza. Jah wants to rip his face off. He saw a picture of Ryan on a listener’s Facebook page.
16:43 – Seth makes fun of Iggy Pop for still trying to be relevant in his appearances on Letterman and Fallon, even though Jah kind of likes him. Jah thinks he can’t be any worse than John Lydon.
35:35 – Seth: “Stop fucking your food! Stop stuffing dicks in my mouth and balls in my face. All I want is to eat a vegetarian club sandwich!”
51:21 – Jah and Seth question the release of 2012 with John Cusack, which sounds too closely like another number film of his, 1408.
55:13 – Seth asks Brad Pitt to stop pumping his fist so much, and to stop being emasculated by his crazy banana boat wife and his 14 children. He also hammers Spike TV for giving Mickey Rourke their “Man of the Year” award during the Guys’ Choice Awards.
27:25 – Seth disgustedly calls Jon Bon Jovi a “fucking jackass” for cloaking his attempt for quick cash as a tribute to the people of Iran.
36:21 – Seth and Jonathan rail on Marilyn Manson.
46:48 – Seth and Jonathan double team Patrick Dempsey.
25:53 – Seth and Jah rip on straight guys like Kevin Smith who claim they’d fuck their male idols “if they went that way.”
8:40 – Seth goes off on Canada for thinking whack music is totally awesome. He thought Toronto was better than New York and L.A. combined. Jah thinks that musically, Canada is the most retarded country out there.
18:52 – Seth rips on the slogan EXERCISE DAILY – WALK WITH THE LORD.
1:40 – Seth rips on Steven Tyler, who was performing in Sturgis, S.D., when he fell off the stage and was airlifted to a hospital. Seth says this is an indication that he needs to hang it up.
10:00 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Ashton Kutcher for saying he has three girls during an interview with Ryan Seacrest and he doesn’t know if he’ll have more – even though they’re Bruce Willis’s children. Jonathan blames Bruce and Demi for this, because they were so lax after their divorce.
21:45 – Jah rips on people who were at Woodstock who act like they know everything about life because of it. Them being there was as insignificant as Jonathan’s mother being there sober and seeing how gross and shitty it was, then getting back in her car and leaving. There were no toilets or anything.
31:31 – Seth rips on Woodstock, blaming the event for causing 40 million Americans to currently be on anti-depressants.
1:38 – Jah wants to know what’s up with shitty hip-hop and pop radio stations playing the worst jams ever
8:18 – Jah says our country’s game right now is so whack. It’s hemorraghing, and we should be focusing everything into our educational system, but instead we’re withholding information from the kids until we’re so far into the mix that they can’t be helped either.
22:54 – Seth rips Paul Reubens for trying to revamp Pee-Wee Herman
32:05 – Seth hammers Cheech Marin for getting married and then yelling to Tommy Chong, who faux smokes a joint. Cheech then is asked what Chong got him for his wedding present, and Cheech says “I smoked it already.” The weed today would kill Cheech and Chong if they tried it. Seth says he’s going to get the best weed in L.A., roll it up, go to Madeo and slip Tommy Chong a J so he dies that night.
36:16 – Seth again blasts Pee-Wee Herman for expecting him to buy a $38 ticket and drive and get a $55 parking ticket so he can sit in a hot cramped theater and watch a 55-year-old pedophile dress up like a little boy and play a character he did in a movie when Seth was 11 years old.
2:59 – Seth rips on Bob Dylan for doing a Christmas album and declares that the people of America will be starving
5:54 – Seth makes fun of the new Jim Breuer Pizza Hut commercials where he yells “Jackpot!!”
1:02:40 – Jah says everyone needs to stop getting jobs getting people to sign petitions outside of Whole Foods. He says they’re pissing him off so much and he is actually down with what they’re trying to get off the ground. Other people are literally screaming at them and flipping them off as they walk by them. Jah has talked to those dudes and they’re getting paid $10 bucks per hour after getting the job off Craig’s List.
9:48 – Jah doesn’t like Rachael Ray; he says it’s like Marie Osmond ate Donny.
23:01 – Jah and Seth again rip on Philadelphia (Episode 088, 35:03), this time for not having any libraries.
47:08 – Jah blasts Jennifer Aniston, telling her to stop being such a fucking Hollywood slut and hanging out with low-rent jackass faux moviestars. He doesn’t want her to cheapen herself and put shitty dicks in her mouth like she’s doing right now.
8:58 – Seth rips on Lou Ferrigno for being on TMZ standing in front of his brand-new 2009 Ford F-150, pulling up his tank top and showing off his jacked 6-pack that saved the day with Jonathan (Episode 151, 32:41). Jah says he was driving said F-150 when he rolled up on Jah after Jah saved the dog. Ferrigno was parked right in front of Gold’s Gym in the handicap spot.
18:44 – The new Bruce Willis movie, Surrogates, comes out tomorrow with Bruno’s crazy body and hair (Episode 170, 3:09).
51:37 – Seth rips on Lou Ferrigno even more
7:10 – Seth rips on Woody Allen for signing Roman Polanski’s petition to get him out of jail. Allen’s endorsement isn’t working too well since he fucked his daughter.
13:23 – Seth rips on The Lamplighter from The Haverhill Gazette for failing to back him for the last 14 years he’s been in Hollywood until just now.
52:06 – Jah kicks Jeremy Piven out of his proverbial car
0:50 – Seth demands to know why Geico is still using the cavemen in their commercials
37:49 – Seth watched KISS perform on Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel in full makeup and full costumes. They were a little bit older. Whenever the camera came around to Gene Simmons, he did the tongue thing. Seth demands that he put his gross tongue back in his mouth and go home (Episode 026, 25:20). Simmons licked his guitar and licked Letterman. Jah and Seth then rip on every member of the band.
8:21 – Seth rips on the Backstreet Boys, who are adult dudes trying to pull off a teen steeze. 13:39 – Jah rips on people for eating red meat. He says that if you are going to eat red meat, try not to spend 99 cents on it. Arby’s looks like labia’s in between two buns with cheese jizz all over it.
3:56 – Seth rips on Cheech Marin for being way to old to sign into a hotel under a wack alias like he did on Oct. 17.
17:56 – Jah rips on the cast of Entourage for wearing Tony Soprano-esque track suits all the time.
30:27 – Seth rips on Jah for constantly fucking on the beach and eating lobster rolls.
37:15 – Seth rips on Mel Gibson for playing a Boston homocide detective in an upcoming movie titled Edge of Darkness. Jah feels slightly depressed because he used to make fun of shitty movies and simultaneously see other movies, but he hasn’t seen a movie since Star Trek.
48:03 – Seth rips on Comedy Central for lacking the comedy aspect which is part of their title. Seth thinks with the exception of the 11-12 hour, they need to just call it “Central.”
52:10 – Jah and Seth blast the GOP.com blog for trying to be hip.
8:58 – Seth goes off on funeral homes that gouge families after they’ve lost a loved one and they have limited options.
15:57 – Seth goes off on the Phoenix airport for letting two idiots steal 1,000 bags from baggage claim
35:29 – Seth slams Lil Wayne for appearing on Weezer’s new album. Jah renames him “Lil Weezer.” Then Seth slams Weezer for the name of their new album, Ratitude. Seth then rips Weezer for releasing a Weezer-branded Snuggie.
54:29 – Seth goes off on people who buy pirated movies – not because it’s a bad thing to do, but because the quality is so shitty that it doesn’t even pass as watching a movie.
6:02 – Old Dogs is coming out on Jonathan’s father’s birthday, Wednesday the 25th of November, and is prime fodder for Seth to rip on. It stars John Travolta, Robin Williams and Seth Greene – as well as some Justin Long and Dax Shepard.
20:13 – Seth makes fun of the 21-year-old version of himself.
54:15 – Jah and Seth hammer the new Twilight movie and the fact that Dakota Fanning is in it. Seth: “We still haven’t seen Twilight. What the fuck are we doing?” Jah: “Well, uh, not being faggots.”
11:13 – Seth blasts Jessica Szohr for acting shocked that the 3D piranhas in her new movie weren’t actually there.
15:05 – Seth and Jah rip on the late night shows for being so obvious about their pre-interviews and fishing the lines to the guests, which they often don’t pick up on.
27:00 – Seth and Jonathan hammer James Lipton for having Bon Jovi on his show.
33:42 – Seth hammers FOX for warning viewers about graphic tones in the show Fringe.
47:22 – Cheech and Chong get another healthy dose of UYD tongue lashing
16:02 – Seth slams James Franco for being a completely shitty actor on General Hospital while playing an eccentric, reclusive artist named Franco. He’s so bad that Seth wonders if he’s doing it on purpose. Jah thinks he definitely is.
7:40 – Grinch Jonathan feels like this is the crappiest Christmas ever. Seth, meanwhile, is excited because he’s ready to put this decade away and move on to 2010.
31:24 – Seth rips on The Who for playing at halftime of the next Super Bowl (Episode 024, 12:37). Jah wouldn’t be as mad about it if John Entwistle were still alive. Seth compares this to Pearl Jam playing the Super Bowl in 2041.
11:48 – Seth gets pissed about people mispronouncing words like “methodon” and “altimers.” (Episode 122, 29:51)
17:51 – Jah rips on Tiger Woods and other superstars who are idiots that are bringing wack game with their cheating on spouses.
1:17 – Seth lights Comedy Central on fire for continually showing the movie Hangin’ With The Homeboys. Jah thinks it’s clear that people have abandoned doing their job.
17:30 – Seth and Jah hammer Ashton Kutcher for being so casual and unsympathetic following Brittany Murphy’s death.
50:55 – Jah blasts U2’s Bono for continuing to put goggles on his face, allowing words to come out of his mouth and looking and sounding like an asshole all the time.
11:50 – Seth rips on Avatar. He went to see it opening night in 3D IMAX in Burbank. He was the first one there.
13:14 – Seth and Jah blast people from cold-weather states who defend them because of the awesome summers that make up for the miserable winters.
25:42 – Seth tells Angelina Jolie to chill the fuck out.
36:51 – Seth and Jah hammer Taco Bell for its new “Drive-Thru Diet” and for inventing the word “Frescolution.”
54:55 – Jah proceeds to reem airlines, because they can’t do anything right during his holiday travels. They charged him $15 for a cheese and cracker plate and didn’t have any of the items available by the time they got to the 10th row. There was a crazy ginged flat-topped bull dyke with an eyebrow ring in front of him, who reclined her chair back all the way against Jah’s knees for the entire flight because it’s broken.
23:03 – Jah said Adam Lambert’s face has been bothering him so much lately. He thought for a time that he was either Taylor Lautner or Pete Wentz.
29:33 – Seth is pissed at Obama because he pinned everything on him and he duped us. Jah thinks Obama double-cloaked it; because he put down the basketball and now he’s golfing and wearing mom jeans while riding a mountain bike with a helmet on.
30:12 – Seth rips on The Rolling Stones by congratulating them on not touring the United States in 2010.
30:37 – Seth hammers Ringo Starr for releasing his 15th solo album, Why Not? (Episode 070, 56:09; Episode 108, 41:54) Seth and Jah can think of a few reasons why not, namely the single he did with Paul McCartney. Seth also blasts the people who commented on YouTube about how amazing the duo sounded.
34:00 – Jah and Seth rip on Starbucks baristas and the way they will segue into trying to get you to buy paninis with your coffee.
44:41 – Seth rips on Michael Cera, who is a 21-year-old dude who looks like a 46-year-old lesbian
49:08 – Seth hammers Spiderman 4, which has lost their May 5, 2011 release date because Sony Pictures decided to halt production due to script problems.
0:42 – Seth rips on James Cameron for winning a Writer’s Guild Award for Best Original Screenplay for Avatar.
6:18 – Seth blasts 1979 for being “fucking morons.”
20:36 – Seth rips on Paranormal Activity and Open Water for being shitty movies that really weren’t that scary.
22:27 – Seth hammers FinallyFast.com
51:44 – Seth rips on SciTis like Tom Cruise and a newly shaven John Travolta.
4:56 – Seth rips on the upcoming movie Valentine’s Day, featuring the largest cast ever.
10:49 – Seth hammers Ray Romano for fucking up Gene Hackman’s acting career.
12:56 – Seth rips on the Dutch for voting D.J. Tiësto as their 40th greatest citizen of all-time, behind #8 Anne Frank and #10 Vincent Van Gogh
46:53 – Jah thinks the “sarc mark” is wack and goes off on it viciously.
49:01 – Jah goes off on Starbucks’ brownies because they taste like shit
31:18 – Seth rips on Mel Gibson for acting all uppity and ornery when being asked about his past racism and drunkenness.
32:17 – Seth hammers John Travolta for wearing a raccoon on his head
32:30 – Seth blasts Bruce Willis for being in a shitty movie with Tracy Morgan
58:01 – Seth goes off on the disgusting guy in his sauna
7:06 – Seth rips on Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise, for making sequels that don’t need to be made any more.
9:33 – Seth rips on Leo DiCaprio’s accent in Shutter Island
8:08 – Seth rips on Iggy Pop for his performance at Carnegie Hall, when he attempted a stage dive and no one caught him.
13:15 – Seth says he’s been on Yelp!, and he’s been to places reviewed on there where he’s never had a problem, but some dick logs on and tries to give it a bad reputation. Seth said he’d sooner throw a brick through a company’s window before writing a measured review about their poor service.
14:47 – Seth rips on Starbucks and people living in the Capitol Hill section of Seattle.
38:24 – Jah directs a calm rant toward Johnny Depp. He tells Depp that he finds him to be an attractive and charismatic man and has thoroughly enjoyed watching him from 21 Jump Street on, but he wants to warn him that the garb he is currently donning is nearing a Steven Tyler-type status that Jah doesn’t think he’s intentionally doing, and he thinks he can rock it a touch back. Jah thinks flat-ironing his hair at his age isn’t necessary.
31:23 – Seth rips on the internet and the fact that he has to endure YouTube videos stopping after 7 seconds every time. This is in stark contrast to Seth gushing over the internet in Episode 101, 25:42.
32:54 – Seth goes off on people who make rock-n-roll devil horns in photos, and tells them to please stop.
36:07 – Seth rips people who have 890 photos on Facebook.
2:11 – Seth rips on Iron Man 2 and the 17 times he had to watch a trailer for it this week. “How about Double Nope?”
59:52 – Seth goes off on the fact that no one listening to this show has an hour left in their days to go to bed and their lives are spinning out of control.
45:28 – Seth gets furious that Ashton Kutcher is considered by TIME magazine to be some kind of a soothsayer. He demands to know who makes that kind of editorial decision. He’s also pissed that Rolling Stone’s #1 reason to be excited about music is The Black-Eyed Peas.
48:27 – Seth is mad at Roger Ebert for writing an article about why he hates 3D and we should too.
53:11 – Seth goes off on Hollywood for all the shitty movies it pukes out.
59:02 – Seth rips on baseball for taking so long. The 9th inning of the Yankees-Red Sox game he watched the other night took 39 minutes.
5:56 – Seth rips on 50 Cent for his latest new look. He’s playing a football player with cancer in a new movie, Things Fall Apart, and went full DeNiro to get ready for the role. He lost 54 pounds, from 214 to 160, about a pound a day, to do it.
5:54 – Jah rips on Arizona for being so crazy fucked-up.
23:23 – Jah is incredulous at the fact that they still make phone books. Seth just opened up the window to the studio to look at two of them sitting in the street.
8:26 – Jah goes off on the stupid scientists who are using mice as cage fighters and talking about “winner effect.”
16:32 – Seth goes off on Edward Norton for wearing full cornrows in his upcoming movie.
17:52 – Seth and Jah rip on Robert Deniro for not making a significant movie since Ronin or Analyze That.
1:07:39 – Jah gets mad thinking about how some people can’t remember your order. He thinks he should be able to expect that because he’s a regular and regulars get preferential treatment.
12:40 – Seth and Jah hammer Criss Angel for biting at the camera and telling his audience not to let him kiss them. They assure Mr. Angel they will not let him.
27:54 – Jah and Seth rip on Hyundai: “In your own words. Real people, real comments. Uncensored.” They put hidden video in the car when people are taking it for a test drive. Some of the comments are a little to good to be true: “Wow the handling on this car is amazing.” “As far as luxury cars would go, this car would rank…” … “It’s comparable to a Jetta but the price is so much different on the sticker!”
55:12 – Jah hammers people that appear on The Bachelor or other dating-type shows and the fact that they get such intense amounts of magazine coverage. He is stupefied by it. He says their faces are the most banal, unattractive and not real faces he’s ever seen. He says it’s astonishing how undetectably undecipherable they are. He doesn’t know who any of them are and their names and faces are interchangeable. Anytime he sees someone he doesn’t recognize he assumes they are on one of these shows. “Every one of them looks like John Stamos with Down’s syndrome!”
26:35 – Seth goes off on Stephen Hawking for not doing shit all day and just warning us to leave Earth.
49:53 – Seth and Jah tell everyone to just keep your racist shit to yourselves and just go bowling – or as J-Dawg says, “Straight BOOOWWWWLIN!!!”
21:15 – Jah goes off on travelers who take insane stuff on planes with them, as well as people who don’t even know how to run their debit card through an automatic checkout aisle at a grocery store.
24:06 – Seth goes off on New Orleans. He wants to be down with it because Jah’s dad is from there, but he thinks it’s just slightly obnoxious. Seth says New Orleans is the Robin Williams of cities.
35:28 – Jah goes off on America for spending more money on Halloween than the year before when no one has no money.
24:43 – Jah goes off on homos who play fantasy sports. He has dear and intimate friends in his life who love this, but at least they have the decency to keep it out of his grill, because they know it’s D&D, Dungeons & Dragons, triple-sided-die gay. It’s sports and nerddom combined into one thing so it’s a trifecta of shit he doesn’t want to be involved with.
1:36 – Seth and Jonathan go off on Eminem. They don’t understand why his tracks sound so bad and why his choruses are so terrible, because he’s kind of an awesome rapper. He could literally call anyone he wanted and tell them he wanted to make a record with them
20:43 – Jah goes off on the Melissa and Joey theme song, which really isn’t a theme song
1:01:51 – Jah doesn’t think it would be an honor just to be nominated for the Podcast Awards. He’s going to be pissed off if UYD doesn’t win.
2:55 – Seth is pissed that he has to listen to people talk about their awesome trips to Hawaii all the time.
6:12 – Jah is pissed off about the turning the clocks back time of year. He says it’s guaranteed depression.
36:16 – Seth rips on Harrison Ford for doing a lot of promos for his new film
34:58 – Seth goes off on Jessica Simpson for trying to act like she’s engaged to someone else (former NFL player Eric Johnson) right when Nick Lachey did the same thing following their divorce.
3:45 – Jah goes off on the one-named man, Bono, for still trying to stay young with space goggles even though he’s wicked old.
22:30 – Seth and Jah whisper to Justin Timberlake that he was less than phenomenal in The Social Network.
28:10 – Seth and Jah hammer Adam Carolla.
6:34 – Seth goes off on the Baltimore Orioles and continues to declare them a racist sports organization. He wishes them zero luck in the AL East. … Jah then says Baltimore is a crappy town as well. He admits there’s good music out of there, but attributes that to good music scenes coming out of shitty areas where there’s nothing else better to do.
8:12 – Seth blasts Ashton Kutcher for being in yet another shitty feature film.
21:32 – Seth rips Robert DeNiro for sucking in the Saturday Night Live format.
1:01:20 – Seth: “Hollywood, you’re killing us.”
31:11 – Seth goes off on Ashton Kutcher for causing his girlfriend to get killed in 2001.
15:50 – Seth reads through all of Adam Sandler’s films over the past 5 years and says “No.” after each one of them.
42:56 – Seth can’t figure out who would blow Johnny Depp now that he’s wearing seven different-colored Gap scarfs with denim chaps and a crazy fedora cap with eyeliner and black-rimmed glasses. He also goes layered with open chest (LWOC).
13:20 – Seth goes off on Jason Alexander for even attempting to make a pilot on CBS. No one wants to see him on television in any other role than his George Costanza role.
57:13 – Seth goes off on people who get pissed off when they go to places that only serve Vegan food, because it doesn’t work the other way around.
11:20 – Seth and Jah go off on the L.A. Times movie critic who watches TV on shitty low-rent technology. Seth: “You’re an asshole, Mister Lloyd.”
1:17:08 – Seth goes off on Steven Tyler for sitting weird in all of his American Idol appearances and talk show interviews. He says he looks like the “bad boy” character in high school movies when the character slouches in a chair in the principal’s office.
34:27 – Seth goes off on the Army for having a social media handbook.
52:05 – Seth goes off on all the shitty music he’s forced to hear. He rims the Grammys for featuring Pearl Jam as one of its category finalists.
54:55 – Seth is pissed at Justin Bieber for his stupid interview in Rolling Stone in which he talks about rape happening for a reason, Canada being the greatest, etc.
58:50 – Seth goes off on New York City for being freezing cold and arresting people for smoking weed.
22:30 – Seth goes off on cops and says women can’t date or marry them. Their sole purpose for living is to write tickets, trim their mustaches, beat their wives and neglect their children – force them into sports they don’t want to play and then yell at them when they don’t succeed.
31:18 – Seth goes off on the BYU Honor Code office.
1:07:31 – Seth wonders if it would be crazy if they toured at other cities besides LA, and Jah says it will happen, so he wants people to stop bitching him out for only having shows in LA.
50:03 – Seth goes off on Kraft Mac & Cheese for their new ad campaign, as well as everyone who eats food out of a box.
36:40 – Seth goes off on all the comedy podcasts available on iTunes. All it takes is two dudes getting together in a living room.
42:07 – Seth goes off on the USPS for changing the price of postcard stamps from 28 cents to 29 cents on Monday.
2:41 – Jonathan goes off on the royal wedding and all the hoopla around it. His mother’s English and she doesn’t even care about it.
1:00:37 – Jonathan says everybody that owns a vegan restaurant is an asshole because they charge through the nose for you to be able to eat it.
1:02:29 – Jah goes off on the Lenny Kravitz Jeep Wrangler commercial.
2:26 – Jah and Seth tease Snoop Dogg for being a soccer mom. He began as a gangster rapper but there’s been a transformation there.
28:42 – Seth and Jah go off on people who talk loudly on cell phones – especially those who give you both sides of the conversation when it’s completely unnecessary to do so.
1:06:13 – Jah goes off on Piers Morgan
23:37 – Jah goes off on the Horrible Bosses posters, which are creepy and crazy – and there are 65 of them. It took him a while to realize that Jamie Foxx is in it.
25:02 – Seth goes off on “little leaguers” who are really 20 and trying to sneak into the U.S. and compete in the Little League World Series.
2:31 – Seth and Jah make fun of Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie for advertising for Knott’s Scary Farm
13:27 – Seth goes off on Chipotle.
52:43 – Seth rips on The Simpsons voice actors who are greedy motherfuckers for complaining about not getting enough money for the easiest job ever.
25:18 – Seth rips on Matthew Perry for getting more out of nothing than anyone else, and then walking right by Seth in Whole Foods and pretending to be on the same plane as him.
9:15 - Seth goes off on pizza being defined as a vegetable and People giving Bradley Cooper "Sexiest Man Alive" over Ryan Gosling.
41:42 - Seth fled underneath his couch and cried because he couldn't figure out how billionaires like Seinfeld and Robin Williams are still making people laugh with their wack comedy.
1:02:30 - Jah goes off on Bradley Cooper being "Sexiest Man Alive"
5:14 – Seth goes off on the “invention” of predicting in which parts of town and what times crimes will take place. He and Seth already invented it by watching Minority Report at the CineramaDome (Episode 051, 36:35; Episode 129, 15:42; and Episode 149, 11:10 and Episode 268, 1:03:14).
8:03 – Jah goes off on people who respond to phishing e-mail scams.
27:27 – Jah is not a fan of the tacky Christmas sweater parties. He doesn’t like the activity of those dorky people going out and getting jazzed about having to buy an ugly sweater.
1:08:40 – Jah goes on record saying that he is boycotting Scott toilet paper – a product that is not fit for murderers in jail let alone everyday citizens. It’s a disgusting product and they should be ashamed of themselves for producing such malarkey.
28:50 – Seth rips on HBO for not renewing Liev Schreiber’s deal with HBO Sports
21:00 – Seth hammers Jerry Seinfeld for making $1 million off one weekend of shows.
28:45 – Seth heard the new single from Bruce Springstreen, “We Take Care of Our Own,” on the internet. It sucks, and Seth tells us how much it sucks.
59:48 – If Seth got his hands on the arsonist, he would throttle him. He doesn’t want to sound too much like Mark Wahlberg though when he threatens this.
31:09 – Seth rips on Ringo Starr, age 71, for releasing his 17th solo album. Jah proceeds to sing one of Ringo’s crappy songs. The new single on the upcoming album is named “Wings.”
]]>42:17 – Parade magazine’s “What If?” section with Marilyn vos Savant prompts some crazy stupid answers: I wrote, “Jerry Seinfeld co-created the television series Seinfeld. But what if he had starred in Desperate Housewives?” Here are your answers. Janet Duckworth of Evansville, Ind.: “He’d have to keep his front door locked.” … Keith Edmundson of Mount Prospect, Ill.: “The characters would probably only talk about sex.” … Mike Bellman of Columbia, Mo.: “Every time he walked into the bedroom he’d be saying, ‘What’s up with that?’”
48:48 – Seth reads some more Parade magazine’s “What Ifs?” from Marilyn vos Savant (Episode 063, 42:17). I wrote, “The Beatles began singing as a pop band in Liverpool, but what if they had started out as singing gondoliers instead?” Here are some of your answers. Conrad Neiman of Sumter, S.C.: “With all of their fans, Venice would have sunk by 1970.” … Marsha Fitzpatrick of Blythesville, Ark.: “An early hit of theirs would have been I Saw Her Floating There.” … Susie Hale of Bedford, Texas: “Beatles? No, they would have called themselves The Waterbugs.” Another one from vos Savant: I wrote, Larry King interviews the famous as well as the notorious, but what if he was a high school guidance counselor instead? Here are some of your answers. Kathy Burnwhite: “Well some of his ex-wives would have been a lot younger.” … Joanie Halpin of Allen, Texas: “You couldn’t tell him your problem without being interrupted.” … Anne Espramer of Marquette, Mich.: “Instead of making suggestions, all he’d say is, ‘So where do you go from here?’” … Last but not least, people send in questions to Parade.com and get answer. Question: “Last year, months in advance, you correctly predicted that Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker would win Oscars. Who are your picks this year?” Answer: “Well, no actress has emerged as a slam-dunk, but we’re ready to predict that John Travolta will win as Best Actor for his portrayal of Edna Turnblad in Hairspray.”
21:17 – More Parade magazine “What Ifs?” from Marilyn vos Savant. I wrote, “Tom Cruise is a moviestar who champions Scientology. But what if he championed girl scouting instead?” Here are some of your answers. Rhonda Wilson of Peabody, Mass.: “He’d proclaim that Thin Mints would cure depression. OK, maybe this time he’d be right.” … Tom Moore of Everett, Wash.: “The next Mission: Impossible would be about surviving a two-week camping trip with a dozen teenage girls.” … Tracy Coogle of Richmond, Va.: “Well, we’d have a much easier time recruiting leaders.” … Jonathan Preston Larroquette of Park La Brea, Calif.: “You wouldn’t have to worry about him fucking them,” and “You wouldn’t have to worry about any inappropriate activities with your scout leader.” … Another topic, entitled “What Would You Say?”: I wrote, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Here’s what you’d say. Paula Davis of Rangely, Colo.: “The grass is always greener where the water bill is higher.” Sharon Tudel of Carlsbad, Calif.: “The grass is always greener when you’re wearing white slacks.” Gary LeBlanc of Moss Point, Miss.: “The grass is always greener on the fertilizer package.” Jonathan Preston Larroquette of Bel-Air, Calif.: “The grass is always greener, but you still have to mow it.”
8:12 – More Parade magazine “What Ifs?” Jonathan questions whether these are current, because every time Seth reads one of them it feels like a throwback to the late ‘70s. Marilyn vos Savant: I wrote, “Rush Limbaugh is a popular radio talk show host. But, what if he were a Supreme Court justice instead?” Here are some of your answers. Phil Lustry of Modesto, Calif.: “The tabloid headlines would read RUSH TO JUSTICE.” … Tranh Truong of Arlington, Texas: “Clarence Thomas would look like a liberal.” … Nancy Dickey of Wildwood, Mo.: “Deciding what’s ‘right’ would take on a whole new meaning.” … Jonathan can’t believe no one poked fun at Limbaugh’s oxycontin habit. He claims he has no idea what a Parade magazine is, but he does know what a Hit Parader is.
48:44 – “What Would You Say?” from Parade magazine’s Marilyn vos Savant: An English proverb says, “Live every day as though it were your last.” Here’s what’d you’d say. Kevin O’Neal of Hoffman Estates, Ill.: “Live every day as though it will be shown on YouTube.” … Jua Smith of Anaheim, Ca.: “Live every day as though you’re having a good hair day.” … Rick Wright of Atlanta, Ga.: “Live every day as though your therapy will actually work.”
15:44 – Seth covers his Parade magazine “What Ifs…” from Marilyn vos Savant: Joseph Conrad wrote, “He who never made a mistake never made anything.” Here’s what you’d say. John Metz of Fort Worth, Texas: “He who never made a mistake should keep that to himself.” … Cindy Lindsay of Marietta, Ga.: “He who never made a mistake never took algebra.” … Julie Dostile of Oneonta, N.Y.: “He who never made a mistake will make an excellent ex-husband.”
37:10 – More Parade magazine “What Would You Say….” from Marilyn vos Savant: Henry Parker wrote, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” Here’s what you’d say. Bill Kelly of Mechanicsburg, Pa.: “The bigger they are, the older the fish story.” … Christine Newhouse of Central Square, N.Y.: “The bigger they are, the more likely they’re fake.” Seth says we’ll be back next time with A French proverb says, “The best things come in small packages.” What would you say? Fill in the blank with one or more words: “The best things _______.”
8:21 – Seth rattles off a few Parade magazine “What Would You Say?” from Marilyn vos Savant: A French proverb says, “The best things come in small packages.” Here’s what you’d say. Sylvia Chapelle of Lakeside, Ohio: “The best things go on sale the day after you buy one.” … Paul Agathin of Washington, Mo.: “The best things come with no assembly required.” … Dallas Heckman of Allentown, Pa.: “The best things now belong to my former spouse.” … Jonathan still claims to have never seen a Parade magazine in the flesh.
12:05 – Seth dips back into Parade magazine, this time with the Q&A section. One from Jeanette Gentry of Anderson, Indiana: “Why hasn’t Danny Glover been awarded an Oscar?”
20:08 – Chris Wariner of Greensboro, N.C., writes into Parade magazine’s Q&A section: “Hey I read that Kid Rock was hospitalized in England. Should I be concerned about his health?”
33:00 – Seth dips back in to some Parade magazine Q&A where people randomly write in questions and Parade answers: Lisa Jensen of Casper, Wyo: “I heard that Mindfreak daredevil Criss Angel died doing a stunt. True?” Answer: “False. The tattooed illusionist emerged from a recent stunt on his A&E series with serious scrapes and bruises, but it is true that his Angel feels like he has died and gone to heaven. He’s dating Holly Madison, one of Hugh Hefner’s stunning former girls next door.” Another question: “Settle this bet between my husband and I – I say that Spencer Tracy was in 30 movies. My husband says he was in 60. Tell us who wins the bet?” Another question: “What’s the story with Paris Hilton? Her behavior seems so unsavory?”
2:56 – Seth dips back into Parade magazine Q&A, and Kaitlynn Hoop of Wyoming, Mich., sent in this question: “Bones star David Boreanaz has a tattoo on his right wrist. What does it mean?” The answer: “Actually, Kaitlynn, Boreanaz has tattoos on both wrists. Like many young actors, he chose Japanese Kanji ideographs. In this case, one says soul, the other says destiny. By the way, other celebrities fond of Japanese Kanji characters include singers Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Janet Jackson and Britney Spears.”
26:10 – Parade magazine letters: Linda Palubicky of Winona, Minn., asks: “Who’s the cute curly-haired singer in those FreeCreditReport.com commercials?” The answer: “Well, judging from all the female reader response, French Canadian actor Eric Violette has already won many fans. The 27-year-old bachelor tells us ‘Being known in America but not Quebec helps me to keep my feet on the ground.’”
43:34 – Parade magazine Q&A submissions: Duane Wilder of Denison, TX, asks: “How is Robin Williams recovering from his recent open-heart surgery?” They went right to Robin Williams, who said “I can’t wait to get back on the road and resume my comedy tour. I’m thinking the next leg could be called ‘Weapons of Self-Destruction and Reconstruction.’ I got some great new material.”
5:17 – Newsweek questions. Adrian Wood of Baton Rouge, La., to Larry King: “Larry, how many pairs of suspenders do you have?” Larry King: “Never counted them. But my guess would be—there are suspenders in New York, in Washington and of course in my home at Los Angeles—150. But they can’t be clip-ons. Every pair of pants I buy—jeans, anything—we sew in the suspender buttons.”
8:53 – Seth gives some Parade magazine Q&A. J.T. from Mesquite, Texas: “Who’s the guy with Sandra Bullock in the ads for The Proposal?” Jah can’t comprehend the amount of time wasted composing that letter and mailing it in when he could have used something called a search engine.
52:19 – Richard Chogyoji of California wrote into PARADE magazine: “Monica Potter was so engaging in Patch Adams but I haven’t seen her in recent films. Why?”
11:40 – Ruth T. of Columbus, Ohio writes into Walter Scott’s Personality Parade in PARADE magazine: “Tyra Banks often dances on her show. Does she know what she’s doing?”
21:25 – PARADE magazine features a question from Gallagher in Madison, Wisc.: “What is child star Jonathan Taylor Thomas up to? Does he still act? Is he gay?” Seth tries to corroborate the rumor that JTT is gay, so he goes to a gay blog and reads a comment that says “People with short left index fingers date women and people with short right index fingers date men.” Seth fears that he is gay because his right one is shorter, while Jah’s are the same size. Jah wonders if he is bi.
10:14 – PARADE magazine features a question from Cynthia Arr of Seattle, Wash.: “I love Jessica Szohr, who plays Gossip Girl’s Vanessa. What’s coming up for her on the show?” Jessica Szohr responds, “I always get into trouble because I say too much. But there is something kind of fun and crazy in the offing.” In response to another question about seeing her on the big screen: “Well, Piranha 3D will be coming out in April 2010. I was in Arizona shooting it. We had to pretend piranhas were attacking us when there were no piranhas actually there.”
19:07 – PARADE magazine answers reader questions: Don Buyington of West Greenwich, R.I., asks “Who’s the announcer for Saturday Night Live? Has it always been the same person?” Seth then gives us a synopsis: Except for one season, 1981-82, it’s been the great Don Pardo (91). He began his career in radio in the 30s and worked his way up to be NBC’s top game show announcer and started with the first season of SNL and has been there the entire run. He lives in Tucscon, Ariz., and flies to New York every weekend to do the show in the studio.
5:41 – PARADE magazine answers the reader question: Jim Davis of Mesa, Ariz.: “Some late night hosts have joked that O.J. Simpson is counseling his fellow prisoners on anger management?” The answer: “He’s not doing counseling specifically,” says Simpson’s promoter and movie producing partner Norman Pardo. “What he’s doing is he meets people who maybe don’t like whites and he tries to get them to like each other. He just wants to be peaceful and he wants everyone to stop fighting.” Seth thinks this is a little crazy since he killed a couple of whites.
27:15 – A question that appeared in Los Angeles magazine in a section called “Ask Chris”: Q: “On Saturdays, the elevators at Cedars Sinai Medical Center stop at every floor? Why?” A: “Because Moses said so. In the book of Exodus, the prophet orders the people of Israel to do no work on the Sabbath, including kindling of fires. Early in the last century, Jewish religious ordered that the opening of an electrical circuit, for example pressing an elevator button, was akin to setting a fire, and forbade it. Hence the Shabat Elevators at Cedars, which are wired to stop at every floor on Saturdays. All patients are given a card that outlines the hospital’s religious practices: an awning over the morgue for Kohen Jews, electric candles, a kosher kitchen and even an in-house imam priest and rabbai.
20:01 – PARADE magazine answers the reader question: Trish Emerson of Houston, Texas: “Paranormal Activity scared the wits out of me. It said it was a true story – is it? The answer, from filmmaker Oren Peli: “Well, after I moved to a new house with my girlfriend, we heard things at night, which started me thinking about the idea of setting up a video camera and letting it run while you’re asleep. How scary would it be to go through the footage and see something happening that shouldn’t be happening?”
33:29 – Although the US mint spends 1.4 cents to make a penny, 42% of PARADE magazine readers say they’re not giving up their pennies. Among the comments: “I can’t imagine how I could count to 10 without first starting at 1.” … “How could I buy anything for $19.99?” Seth thinks pennies are bad luck, but Marcia thinks they’re good luck if you find one facing head’s-up.
1:54 – Seth jumps into some Ask Marilyn by Marilyn vos Savant in PARADE magazine: Rob Farber from Paoli, Pa., asks: “Why is life so hard?” Seth says that if anyone knows Rob Farber, have him call 888-842-2357 to Ask Seth vos Savant.
5:50 – Seth read The Playboy Adviser in his Playboy magazine. DN from Cleveland, Tenn., writes: “My husband is in the National Guard and deploying to Iraq again. I want to buy pocket pussies for his unit as parting gifts. Can you suggest a brand that’s not too expensive because I’ll need 37?” The Playboy Adviser says, “That’s a generous gift, but are you sure the other women saying goodbye are cool with your distributing masturbation sleeves?”
41:38 – Seth reads some Ask Amy from the Los Angeles Times: “Dear Amy, My mother gets her hair done at a very expensive salon and as a surprise offered to pay for me to have my hair done there by her stylist. I went there without my mom and the stylist was very flirty. At the end of my appointment he asked for my number. He’s 24. I’m 17. Mistake No. 1? I love the attention so I wrote my phone number on his tip. When he actually called that night and asked me to meet him at a party in the city, I was totally taken aback and I told him I was busy. He asked me to call him this weekend to set something else up. I’m freaking out because I have absolutely no desire to ever go out with a man seven years older. I can’t tell my mom because he does her hair. I can never go back there. I have no idea how to handle the mess I made. Signed, Flirting Failure.” The response from Amy: “Dear Flirting, We moms really don’t like it when trusted adults hit on our daughters. I realize that many women absolutely love their hair stylist but we love our daughters more. You can assume your mother will deal with him directly. If this guy calls, tell him, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re way too old for me. I only go out with guys my age.’ The ‘way too old for me’ line will give this obnoxious guy something to think about.”
50:09 – Steven Caden of Los Angeles writes into the Los Angeles Times after their report on 3D: “After reading your critical take on 3D, for better or for worse, I wish you could expose Real-D. It can literally ruin a movie. When the writer described Clash of the Titans as ‘gray and colorless,’ that is what I saw at the Bridge when I saw Avatar in Real-D. I have seen Avatar in five different technologies. I’ve done extensive reading about each.”
13:27 – Don D. of Mobile, Ala., writes in a question to PARADE Magazine: “I heard that Nicolas Cage and Richard Gere are brothers. True?”
11:55 – Seth was reading PARADE Magazine’s Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Joel Weckerly of Cypress, Texas, writes in: “One of my favorite actors, John Larroquette, was on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson wearing a t-shirt reading ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’ What did it mean?” PARADE went to John (maybe) for an answer: “Uhh Yeah Dude is a podcast that my son Jonathan co-writes,” says the actor, 62. “The subtitle is ‘A Look at America through the eyes of two American Americans.’ They have segments like ‘Who’s Parenting Harder?’ where they tell horrible stories about what parents do to their children.” Seth thinks a bunch of Bill O’Reilly patriots will dip in to check out these Americans to see what they’re up to, then be mortified to learn they’re talking about bags of dicks. Jonathan says this can’t be a quote from his father because he knows that they don’t write the show, so he wouldn’t say “co-writes.” Jah says he will certainly find out if his dad really responded. … Dan Krause of Thousand Oaks, Calif., then writes: “Is cyclist Lance Armstrong the son of astronaut Neil Armstrong?”
17:07 – In the July issue of Playboy, M.C. from Providence, R.I., writes into the Playboy Adviser with a question: “I watched a movie in which the ‘Double Dutch’ sex act is described. Two men face each other and grab their own erections. Using his free hand, each man grabs the forehand of the other and moves it back and forth to jerk him off. Is that gay?”
17:25 – Walter Scott’s Personality Parade in PARADE Magazine. Tom Adams in San Diego, Calif., writes: “I heard that Will Ferrell went to USC to become a sports reporter. What happened?” The answer: “I love sports, but it was more fun being funny,” says the actor, 43, currently starring opposite Mark Wahlberg in The Other Guys. “I would call dorms pretending to be from the maintenance office and say, ‘There’s been a chemical spill! Stay in your room!’ or I’d stand outside the cafeteria and yell, ‘The health department has just advised, Do not eat the fish!’”
18:52 – Anita Kelly of St. Louis, Mo., has a question for Walter Scott’s Personality Parade in PARADE Magazine: “Is it true that Joey Lawrence wrote the theme for his ABC Family show, Melissa and Joey?” The answer: “Yes, a bunch of people submitted songs, but ‘Stuck With Me’ won,” says Joey Lawrence. “I did a full remix of it that’s going to be on my new record. I had a really successful album. I never did it again but music is what first inspired me before acting.”
8:13 – Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Question from C. Holt in Atlanta, Ga.: “Watching a sad movie the other day, I wondered, ‘Is it difficult for performers to see themselves or their spouses in dangerous or tragic situations on screen?’” Answer from Nicole Kidman: “You know, it can be. When we saw Rabbit Hole together, Keith wept. He was totally in shock. He said, ‘It broke my heart.’ Later he just wanted to talk and talk and talk about it. But I love being able to go to those dark places. I didn’t become an actress just to play the girl next door.”
25:25 – Seth reads from the February 2010 Playboy Advisor. T.C. from San Francisco, Calif., writes: “A number of girlfriends have asked me how I lost my virginity and I’ve never known what to say because it happened during a gangbang. I was drinking with five guys and a girl. We all knew our female friend turned into a horndog when she got drunk and one thing led to another. We had a rotation going for about two hours. We weren’t greedy but she was. Looking back I remember it being a lot of fun. There were no hard feelings or regrets from anyone involved. But what should I tell people?” The answer goes: “Why not tell the truth? You got drunk with a friend with a party. The sex was fun and you’re still friends. Having five guys share the experience is unusual, but not an essential detail in casual conversation.”
6:04 – Parade featured a poll, “Do you lie to your doctor about your lifestyle?” 75% of people said no and 25% said yes.
12:50 – “Dear Liz, I read an article in which you recommended getting rid of cell phone insurance. Why?” Answer: “You shouldn’t use insurance to cover costs that you could easily pay out-of-pocket. And if you can’t afford to replace your phone out-of-pocket, you’re spending too much on your phone. Insurance is best used to protect against catastrophic expenses, not minor costs. When you use insurance to cover incidental expenses, you typically pay too much for the coverage, and that’s particularly true for cell phone insurance, which is ridiculously expensive for the protection you get – plus cell phone coverage is notorious for loopholes and exclusions that make it tough to make a claim if your phone is lost, stolen or destroyed.”
45:28 – Parade magazine poses a question about etiquette. Q: “Someone in my office wears low-cut tops that are inappropriate for work. I don’t know where to look when I talk to her. Advice?” A: “Well you could crank up the A/C. But if you don’t want to force your colleagues to work in a meat locker. The best solution, says Beverly Weinstein, a recruiter and the president of Markham Media, is to have a ‘senior female executive’ take the woman aside and gently talk to her about what works for an office environment. There’s no need for conversation to be accusatory. It should be along the lines of, ‘Listen, it’s natural for people to stare at nice-looking figures, but you don’t want to be distracting.’ To avoid any potential misunderstanding, it’s important that a woman exec give the talk – not a man.”
17:57 – The June issue of Playboy featured more from The Playboy Advisor. M.R. from Toledo, Ohio writes: “I keep having a dream about having sex with my mom. Is this normal?”
19:13 – Seth read Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Lucy Liu, a voice in Kung Fu Panda, was speaking: “Yeah, we get asked a lot about a third Charlie’s movie.
32:17 – K.T. from Indianapolis, Ind., writes into the Playboy Advisor with a question: “Please take this question seriously. Can you have sex with a ghost?” Jonathan answers, “Yes.”
1:05:17 – Los Angeles Times Sunday real estate section question: “I separated from my husband 6 months ago. I rented an apartment a couple months back so I could live in peace, but my husband keeps stalking me, keeps threatening me. The police were called the first time and tried to calm the situation, but when he showed up again a week later I had to obtain a restraining order. The resident manager has told me I need to leave before the end of the month because the owner doesn’t want to upset the other tenants with my domestic problems. I can’t find another place by the end of the month. I’m afraid I’ll end up living on the street. What can I do?” The answer: “The situation you described qualifies you for protection under a new state law. California Code Civil Procedures Section 1161.3. This law prohibits terminating the tendency of a victim of domestic violence if the domestic violence has been documented by a police report within the last 180 days or has resulted in a restraining order. Domestic violence covered by this state statute includes stalking. Because you have both a police report and a restraining order, you should be protected from eviction by this statute. You have the right to request that your landlord change the locks to your unit to ensure your husband cannot get in. If your landlord does not change the locks as requested within 24 hours you may change the locks yourself as long as you do so in a workmanlike manner and give the landlord a copy of the new key. The law does allow the landlord to evict you if you voluntarily allow your husband into your unit or if your husband is a danger to the other units around you.”
2:54 – Los Angeles magazine has a column called “Ask Chris” for those who have a burning question about life in L.A. Question: “What happens to dead animals on the road?” Answer: “The Bureau of Sanitation has a specially-trained crew that not only picks up roadkill but will come to your house and pick up deceased household pets free of charge – no horses or cows. They are then taken to the West Coast Rendering Factory in Vernon, Calif. The County of Los Angeles pays $1 per animal and they are stored in silos until they are processed for fish food.”
35:06 – The LA Times Health section has a column called “Ask a Doctor.” Question: “My father had a second-degree burn over the entire top of his foot caused by spilling coffee. I applied soy sauce followed by soaking in ice water. By the next morning the pain was largely gone but the doctor who saw him predicted that it would turn black. When that had not happened two weeks later he asked what I had done to get such a result.” The Doctor says … “Soy sauce works very well for minor burns, but a severe burn deserves immediate medical attention. We are glad, though, that your father healed so well. Others tell us that cold yellow mustard can help a minor burn after liberal applications of cold water. Nevertheless we repeat, a serious burn like your husband’s calls for immediate medical attention.”
13:09 – The August issue of Wired magazine has a column called “Dear Mr. Know-It-All.” Q: “Dear Mr. Know-It-All, I’m an OB/GYN. When I used a surgically-removed uterus as my profile pic on Facebook, Facebook banned me. Um, it’s an organ – not porn! Is Facebook in the wrong?”
3:32 – From the Los Angeles Times Travel section, there is a segment called “On The Spot with Catharine Hamm.” There was a column called “Enjoy Your New Seat” that basically told the readers an airline can reassign a confirmed seat to allow passengers with children to sit together.
36:25 – Ask Amy in the Chicago Tribune. ‘Confused’ writes in: “My 16-year-old daughter received an invitation to another 16-year-old’s baby shower. I was shocked to say the least. I don’t want to allow my daughter to attend. While I admire the teen’s mother, who’s also single, for supporting her child in her unwed pregnancy, I don’t believe throwing a baby shower for her age and inviting her school-aged underaged friends is any way appropriate. I don’t feel a celebration is in order. Am I just getting too old?” The advice was something along the lines of, “Talk to your teen.”
38:05 – ‘Frightened’ writes in: “Dear Amy, I just learned that the co-worker sitting next to me is on the registered sex offender list for abducting a 13-year-old girl. I’m very uncomfortable working next to him, not to mention that I’ve had to travel to various locations alone with him in a car. No one in the office was ever notified of his record. Is this legal?”
57:42 – “Dear Amy, My husband’s ex-wife continues to telephone, text and e-mail him even after he asked her many times not to. She walked out on the family 10 years ago and until I came into the family she had his ear on ‘kid problems.’ Those kids are now grown, they’re married and have children of their own. He doesn’t feel the need to discuss anything with her, yet she continues to pester him. We’ve been married for a year and a half. I sense the ‘I don’t want him, but I don’t want anyone else to have him either’ thing going on. The children deal with him on their own terms. I think she has told them that I won’t let him communicate with her and I am the reason he can’t be civil to her. Should I speak to her myself? What can my husband do? He’s made it clear he wants nothing to do with her.” Amy replies accusingly toward the writer.
3:50 – People sometimes write into Ask Amy, but Seth doesn’t like that anymore. He wants to Ask Jonathan: “My son and his new girlfriend came to visit and stayed with us for a few days. She’s a nice woman but looks unwell. She never finishes her meals but loves sweets and always hits the bathroom after the meal. Actually she seems to make frequent bathroom trips all day. I think she may be bulemic. Should I mention something about this to my son?” ~ Conflicted. Amy’s answer was once again more accusatory than helpful.
46:25 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah answers a question from Helpful Grandma: “I am fortunate to have 5 wonderful grandchildren. These young people are successful and kind and I love them dearly, however this Facebook thing is causing me distress. Sometimes my grandchildren post pictures that are just plain gross and it pains me when I see photos they’ve posted showing them with tongues hanging out or drinks in hand, wearing inappropriate attire and worst of all, giving the middle finger salute. Yuck! I have commented on their tackiness on their Facebook pages, but it doesn’t seem to change their behavior. In face, one of the girls seems to have blocked her profile from me. I feel this is disrespectful. Should I talk to them directly about their unseemly public behavior. How can I get them to change?”
29:43 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “My son married a gal from another country. When I get together with her family, they don’t speak English. I feel they are speaking about me and I don’t like it. I’m a widow. In the past I’ve sat on my own in the living room with a magazine but this holiday season I’m thinking of even staying home. They’re nice people, but this is America and here we speak English. My grandparents came from another country but they spoke English in the home. Do you have any suggestions on what do do? Sincerely, Lost in Translation”
12:22 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah answers a question from Baffled Boyfriend: “A few months ago while my girlfriend and I were having a particularly tough time, I posted two ads on a website asking if anyone was interested in getting together for drinks. I didn’t receive any real replies nor did I respond to anyone. We worked out our issues and we moved on. Then she found copies of the ads I had posted in my outbox. She was heartbroken and spent a month away from my apartment and didn’t return my calls – basically acted like I didn’t exist. Two months later we continued with our lives, but she continues to bring this up. When I ask her to forgive me, am I asking her too much?” Jah doesn’t think he’s asking too much unless he’s not being entirely clear about the nature of the ads.
10:01 - Ask Amy / Ask Jah. 'Stunned' writes: "Our 11-year-old daughter recently attended her first sleepover, a birthday celebration for her friend Sandi. Before the event, my husband and I met and talked with Sandi's parents, learned about the other residents of the home and conducted a sex offender search online to determine that no sexual predators lived in the area. The kids had a great time. Then our daughter reported that she and Sandi got to sit in the trunk of the parents' car when all 6 girls went out to an entertainment venue. The mom drove the girls in the family SUV - one of the two cars they owned - and because only 4 kids can fit in the seats, Sandi and our daughter sat in the way back area without seatbelts facing the roadway. We've explained how dangerous this was and said if it happens again she should call us and we will happily drive her to her destination. I am seething. I keep picturing my daughter in the back of an SUV, happily waving to other drivers. Any one of them could've easily rear-ended the vehicle and crushed her to death. I'm not sure how to speak to these parents about this without creating a scene. What do you think?" … Jah thinks she's a crazy bitch.
22:34 - T.R. from Omaha, Neb., writes in to the Playboy Adviser: "Please settle a bet - what's the correct way to pronounce C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S? My girlfriend says it should be cli-TOR-us, and I say that's it CLIT-uh-rus.
44:35 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah: “I nanny for two wonderful boys, ages 5 and 8. Their parents have a date night each Friday and allow me to take the boys to college hockey games on these nights. With season tickets, we sit in the same spot every time. So do the people directly around us. Directly behind us, there are a couple of middle-aged men who are very passionate about their hockey team. This passion often involves swear words. I’m worried for the boys, who have gotten in trouble for swearing, but I also understand how people behave at sporting events. Do I have any right to ask the men to watch what they say?” Jah says yes, absolutely.
37:49 – “Dear Amy / Dear Jah-Jah: I have a half-sister. She was offended by something one of my adult children supposedly did to her. She got all bent out of shape and refused to celebrate birthdays and holidays with us anymore – no gifts, no cards. We are not taking this too lightly. I’ve always known she was a little shady. She has, on more than one occasion, helped herself to pens and post-it notes from her workplace. Since she felt that my family and I are no longer good enough to be with her on her Christmas list, I took it upon myself to let her bosses at work know why their office supplies may be dwindling. In turn, she was reprimanded at her job, which cost her a couple of days’ pay and a letter in her personnel file. I also let the IRS know she may not have been reporting all the waitress tips she earned while she worked at a restaurant. Since other family members learned of my tattling, they’ve shunned me. She’s the criminal, not I. So Amy, what do you think? Am I some kind of evil person? To paraphrase Seinfeld’s George Costanza, ‘Was I wrong?’” Jah gets a panic attack from this scenario.
41:05 – “Dear Jah-Jah, I’m a junior in high school. My sister Martha just started college at a nearby university so I see her quite often. Since she started school, she has had a string of boyfriends. Her relationship with our mom isn’t that great, so mom usually relies on me for information on her and her boyfriends. My sister started dating Leon, and she’s in love. The problem is that he is Latino and our mother is racist. I met Leon and he’s a good guy. Our mom hasn’t given him a fair chance and won’t even meet him. My dad stays out of conflcits so I’m stuck in the middle. How can I convince my mom to accept or at least get to know Leon, and how can I convince Martha to talk to my mom again? ~ Upset Sister” Jah wants to know what to do about a Latin man named Leon.
9:14 – “Confused” writes to Ask Amy / Ask Jah-Jah: “My ex recently asked out one of my closest friends. He talks to me daily asking me for advice about her and has frequently said that he values my advice the most. I’m confused about what his intentions are and am confused about our so-called friendship.”
12:42 – More Ask Amy / Ask Jah-Jah: “Three years ago when I started dating my husband, I asked him about kids and he said ‘I could never have kids.’ Then I asked about what would happen if I got pregnant, and he said we would raise the child together. At the time raising kids was not a priority for me so I brushed it aside. The problem is that once we got married five months ago, I realized all of a sudden that having a child is a huge priority for me and I was running out of time. I knew it was wrong but I would ‘accidentally on purpose’ skip days of my birth control, eventually ceasing to take the pills at all. I knew if we had a child my husband would grow to love it. The problem is that after months of this, we never conceived. A few weeks ago I finally decided to broach the topic again with my husband. I discovered that he had a vasectomy a year before we met. He swears that he’s mentioned it before but I know he hasn’t, and I feel sick knowing that he has kept something like this from me. I also feel trapped in my marriage, knowing that it will always be just the two of us. Should I get out now while I can and find a husband who wants a child, or will I outgrow this need?”
27:04 – “Dear Jah, I was divorced a year ago after 19 years of marriage. Like most divorces, it was very difficult. But my family has insisted on continuing a very close relationship with my ex. In fact, my sister and her family are taking a trip with my ex-husband, his new girlfriend and our new daughter. Among other things, I feel it’s far too soon to be taking my daughter on a trip with his new girlfriend. My family knows my feelings and knows this is extremely hurtful to me but they see nothing wrong with it. In fact, my mother said to me, ‘I don’t see the problem, you’re divorced.’ Am I missing something here?” Jah says yes, the family isn’t down with you.
5:47 – This was in the monthly Health section of the Los Angeles Times: “My doctor always washes his hands before an exam, but he never seems to wipe down his stethoscope. This makes me nervous. Should I ask about the stethoscope?” People’s Pharmacy says, “Stethoscopes can carry all sorts of nasty bacteria. We too wonder why doctors are so scrupulous about washing their hands and they seem less concerned about clearning their stethoscopes. We recently learned about a clever new device called ‘Clean Stethoscope’ that could make this process safer. After every exam, the provider slides the bell of the stethoscope into a holder that attaches magnetically to the shirt or white coat. The sponge insert is moistened with a disinfectant to kill germs and is replaced daily.”
7:21 – Ask Jah-Jah: “I work in a field that requires some travel and while traveling with the company owner 20 years my junior, she requires that I share a hotel room with her. She has no sense of personal boundaries. She’ll leave the bathroom door open while using the toilet and yell comments to me that not even my husband does this. She also parades around the room in her thong and tries to discuss her dating and/or sex life with me. I’m usually hiding under the covers at this point, claiming to be tired. When I asked for my own room recently, she said it wasn’t in the budget and she has to be careful with travel costs for the company. She also wants to share room service breakfasts. She’ll order one entrée for us to share and a pot of coffee. I made the in-room coffee and said that gave us a little extra room to work with and I’d like to get my own breakfast, but she said she did not like the in-room coffee. I would rather go out to a less-expensive coffee shop and order what I choose to eat, but I’m locked into her preferences. She once suggested I should stay with her brother when I travel to another city in order to save money. I refused. Oh, did I mention she bought a million-dollar home this year? I’m actively seeking other employment, but for now I’d really appreciate some advice.”
1:55 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah from a reader in Seattle: “My wife and I have a long history as professionals in our local health care community. I have mentored many younger professionals in my field, most of whom are women. Several have become dear friends to us, yet there have been several occasions when I’ve met these friends/colleagues for lunch and we’ve been approached by women who know me but not the person I’m dining with. These women seem to go out of their way to make statements like, ‘Oh hello, where’s your wife today?’ accompanied by a contemptuous ‘gotcha!’ expression. Some even look at me with disdain for my lunch companion. I find this behavior stupid and mean-spirited and I feel acutely for my companions in these situations who are subjected to an undeserved character assassination. My wife tells me that these women are simply projecting their insecurities. What do you think?”
55:27 – Ask Stacy / Ask Jah. Psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, author of How to Be a Grown-Up, offers smart advice to readers with relationship problems in USA Today. This is the first in an occasional series. She believes in consideration, comfort and compromise. “Dear Stacy, Six months ago I started an e-mail flirtation with a former boyfriend. We dated in high school but now he lives in a different town. My husband’s a musician and works a lot. I was lonely. My husband found my computer open and read my chain of e-mails. He was devastated. I felt really bad. The e-mails weren’t sexual, just flirty, and I’ve apologized and ended the contact. I don’t even have the guy’s contact information anymore. My husband just keeps being mad. I keep saying I’m sorry and I wouldn’t have done it if you were home more. I love my husband and I want my marriage. My friends say time will heal it all. Do you agree? Is there anything I can do?”
26:13 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. Traditional writes: “My wife and I are having a conversation about how our children, ages 6 and 4, should address adults. I maintain that our children should call adults by their last name, and my wife contends that they should call adults by the name they want to be called. I think it is confusing to young children and that parents should have the say and not someone else. I’m hoping you can settle this between me and her.”
27:08 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. “This past weekend I attended a large cocktail party with a group of new friends. Some of the other guests were smoking marijuana and doing other illegal drugs. I recognized one of the drug users as an elementary teacher at my daughter’s school. Because this school is large, I doubt the teacher recognized me. My daughter is not in her class. When I asked my friends about what was going on, they informed me that not only was this teacher a heavy drug user, but also the supplier for the group. I would not want this person as my daughter’s teacher. I feel as if I should tell the school to do a random drug test, but with this economy I do not wish to facilitate anyone losing their job. What should I do?”
]]>33:59 – Commercials for KFC during the Kentucky Derby saying “we’re #1 in China!” have been running constantly showing Chinese people going apeshit over the fried goodness.
23:00 – Anything from China, just wash your hands of it – unless it’s soap, because you’ll lose a ring finger. Half the smog in L.A. is from factories in China. Big Bird, Elmo, Dora and Diego are our latest plastic toys covered in lead from China. Tires, toothpaste, pet food, vitamins, fish, ginger, chicken, gum – anything remotely associated with China, just stay the hell away from it.
32:20 – You have to watch out which sort of multi-purpose saline you’re using on your eyes – make sure it’s not from that place we’ve been referencing, also known as Chi-nah.
37:23 – Chinese kid toy Aqua Dots recalled because, when ingested, they have the same chemical reaction as GHB
2:28 – In China, they found hairbands for women in salons – 3 cents for 10 – made with used condoms
44:52 – Nearly 10,000 O’Neill children’s sweatshirts made in China have been recalled because the drawstrings have the tendency to tighten up and strangle the children
29:08 – 155,000 Philips Senseo Coffeemakers, made in China and sold nationwide, have been recalled because they have faulty electrical systems and they cause a calcium buildup from the water and burst open and splash hot coffee in your face.
3:10 – NASA is having to deal with Chinese space junk from space missions launched by the country in 2007. Pieces of debris have been going by Space Shuttle Atlantis.
31:28 – 35,000 Wagner paint sprayers manufactured in China sold for $99 at major chain, home and hardware stores across the country, have been recalled because the On/Off switch can fall off and exposes the internal connections and can cause a very high risk of shock.
47:54 – Consumer Reports has linked a skin rash from leather couches directly back to the manufacturing plant in China. The dyes and preservatives contained in the couches that have been discovered in Ohio are extremely harmful to human skin.
38:04 – The Science Journal Researchers have reported that a mass extinction that happened about 260 million years ago was more than likely caused by volcanic eruptions in what is now called China.
27:47 – 530,000 Starbucks coffee grinders have been recalled. They can turn on by themselves and in turn cut up the owner as they are cleaning them out. These were manufactured in China, of course.
28:33 – 1,500 Wolfgang Puck toaster ovens have been recalled because they can remain on after the toast pops up, which causes the oven to overheat and explode into flames. Where was it made? Doy hickey – the new name of China.
57:42 – Officials from UC-Berkeley say hackers had infiltrated restricted computer databases, putting at risk the social security numbers and health and medical info of up to 160,000 students and alumni. The over 6-month long breach was discovered during a routine maintenance when campus staff discovered taunting messages. The computer hackers were traced to China.
47:56 – Maclaren USA is recalling 1 million strollers that have been sold in the last decade due to a dozen reports of children’s fingers being amputated in the hinges. The strollers were made in China.
10:40 – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has listed six major recalls in January. The first was Starbucks glass water bottles, which can shatter in your mouth – they’re made in China; Zippo candle lighters, sold at Bath & Body Works, start melting and lighting shit on fire for no reason – they’re manufactured in China; Zybex strollers, sold at Target stores across the country, cut off kids fingers – they’re manufactured in China; Radio Shack’s Nighthawk toy helicopters’ propellers spin off and take your eyeball out – they’re manufactured in China; Wal-Mart’s toy horses are covered in lead paint that kids put in their mouth – they’re manufactured in China; and dollar stores across the country are selling little military figures whose pieces snap off and get lodged in your throat – they’re manufactured in China.
15:11 – Jah thinks we should seriously reign back the amount of shit that China is importing into this country that is toxic, poisonous and dangerous.
44:52 – The website for Consumer Product Safety Commission has a page that you can view all the recalls for May 2010. There are press releases for 18 products that were recalled that were made in China. We have coffee makers that blow up, toy darts that choke kids, sweathshirts that catch on fire, bracelets that have toxic charms on them, hair dryers whose plastic shatters, bicycles that have faulty handlebars and water bottles that break in your mouth.
6:22 – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission recently recalled three products in the month of March that were manufactured in the C to the H to the INA. There’s a fitness resistance tube sold at Dick’s Sporting Goods – it has a plastic clip inside that’s on the handle and if it breaks, the plastic fragments shatter off and can go into your eye and lacerate your skin. There’s a slow cooker sold at Burlington Coat Factory, on which the control panel overheats, then melts, then sparks, then starts a fire. Lastly, a coffeemaker sold at Ikea that has an issue where the pressure builds up too quickly and the glass of the coffeepot breaks and shatters into your face.
40:19 – U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission April recalls for products made in China – The Active Leisure 10x10 folding canopy tent from Costco. The tent’s fabric is wicked flammable. … The Williams-Sonoma fondue pot – the handle just breaks off. … Troy the Activity Truck from Toys R Us – it’s bedazzled and bejeweled and has beads that easily detach and choke kids to death.
12:25 – U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has the June recalls for products made in China: Toy Military Copters, sold for $7 at Rite-Aid, have plastic blades on the helicopter that detach during flight and lacerate children’s faces. … There’s also a Contemporary Cutlery Knife Block, a set that’s sold for $300 at Macy’s, Bed Bath & Beyond, Crate and Barrel and online at Amazon. The tips of the knife poke out of the bottom of the block, which means that when you pick it up the tips jut out and slice your fingers off. … A child booster seat that’s sold for $13 at Target has a restraint buckle that seems to open unexpectedly and allow the child to fall on the floor.
1:04:17 – The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has the July recalls for products from China: Task Force 5-ton Electric Log Splitter sold exclusively at Lowe’s – has a hydraulic arm that during use slides under the handle used to move the machine. Users’ hands can be amputated if they are near the handle during operation. … Diving Unlimited International Deep Sea Weight System, sold at diving equipment retailers across the nation – there’s a defect in the lanyard that connects the weights to their harness, which causes the weights to not be released when the diver pulls the handle. … children’s task lamps overheat, causing the adhesive inside the lamp socket to overheat and migrate into the bulb area of the socket. The flammable glue then melts into the electrical components, and those spark up together to cause a fire. … Uvex ski helmets imported to Haverhill, Mass. – the helmets provide insufficient shock absorption and virtually zero resistance to penetration.
44:35 – China is a nation that is trying to kill us by taking common household products, children’s toys and life essentials and embedding in them a dangerous lethal components. August recalls from Chinese products include Nextorch flashlight batteries, sold for $2 at law enforcement supply stores. The batteries overheat, rupture and ignite the flashlight on fire. … The LHQM LED exit signs sold for $200 at hardware stores nationwide. They fail to light up or illuminate during a power failure. … The Me2 clip-on chair for kids, sold for $50 at Toys R Us and Target, has a clamp that attaches to the table that becomes worn and causes the chair to detatch from surfaces and also become an ampuational hazard. … a Martha Stewart enamel cast iron casserole dish, sold for $170 at Macy’s, has enamel coating that heats up and cracks off and becomes a burning projectile.
6:10 – An offer has been made to Frank McCourt, current owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, to purchase the Dodgers for $1.2 billion. The offer was made by a group of investors, some of whom include “certain state-owned investment institutions of the People’s Republic of China.”
15:12 – September recalls for the US Consumer Product Safety Commission for products made in China: the Chef Mate Blender, sold for $14 at Target – the plastic pitcher separates from the base and exposes the rotating blade … the Bridgeway Bicycle, sold at Wal-Mart for $100, has a chain that’s so weak that movement causes it to break and knocks the rider off the bike. … The Chloe, Sofie and Audrey Soft Dolls, sold at Pottery Barn Kids for $40, have hair that contain loops large enough to slip around a child’s head and neck and strangle them to death. The headband loosens over time and can also slip over a child’s head.
24:33 – The US Consumer Product Safety Commission October recalls from China: the Ballard Designs Stafford stepstool, sold at Ballard Designs stores in Florida, Georgia and Ohio – sold for $80 and on HSN.com – have plastic tabs on the feet that snap and cause it to become unstable while standing on it … BOB single and double strollers sold at REI for $280 and $660, respectively, have a canopy with an embroidered logo patch that detaches from the fabric and kids can reach it, eat it and gag to death. … Guidecraft Twist-n-Sort Toys – sold for $20 at specialty toy stores nationwide – have small pegs on 3 of the 4 posts that detach from their square base and allows children to eat them and choke on them.
55:05 – In China, they make things, which are then brought here and sold to people and then murder us. November product recalls from China from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission: the Gerber Legendary Blades Winchester Hunting Knife Set – sold for around $120 at sporting goods stores around the U.S. The latching mechanism used to lock in the knife’s interchangeable blades unexpectedly collapses and releases the blade. … the Keds Know-It-All girls shoe, sold for $23 at various department stores, has ornamental stars that adorn the heel of the shoe that loosen and pose a laceration hazard. … The Heath Wireless Command Motion Sensor Wall Switch, sold for $25 at hardware stores across the country, has switches in auto mode that have a leakage current that pass through the electrical socket and thus electrocutes people.
36:01 – Products for 2012 that were recalled from China: The O Grill, portable gas grill, sells for $189 at LL Bean, REI and Dillard’s. The regulator on the grill routinely leaks gas which in turn lights the whole grill on fire. … The Anti-Lock High Chair has a restraint buckle that without prompting unexpectedly opens to send your child straight down. … The Triple 8 Kid’s Bicycle Helmet, which sells for $40 at nationwide bike stores, complies with zero safety standards from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission.
46:29 – Recalls from China: The 5-light floor lamp, sold for $50 at Big Lots, has light bulbs that get so hot they melt the lampshade over the bulb. … Expandable Children’s Lunch Box with freezer gel pac, sold for $10 at Costco, has gel pacs that leak out toxic materials that get into the contents and in your kids. … Super X Safety Flashlight, sold for $15 at BJ’s Wholesale Club, have lights that get so hot they burn you on touch.
]]>0:30 – Jah refers to this as Episode 1/Episode 4
3:42 – Jah talks about Busta Rhymes’ bodyguard being shot by someone in G-Unit during a video shoot
7:13 – We first hear of Jah’s good friend Amir, who is apparently a huge Steelers fan
15:34 – We learn of Seth’s origin from north of Boston – a true Masshole
24:33 – Jonathan talks about his fear of dialing 911: “You get jitters calling it. You’re only supposed to do it, like, if your mom has a knife in her stomach.”
27:51 – We learn of Seth’s vehicle, a Plymouth Sundance
40:48 – We learn of Jah’s brother’s name, Ben
43:14 – Jah used to always order a 24-oz white chocolate dream blended with soy and an add shot with no whip and no fudge swirls at Starbucks
56:45 – We learn that Jah is a dog lover and has rescued dogs
0:01 – First UYD intro song
4:21 – Jonathan says Gonzaga’s Adam Morrison looks exactly like his brother Ben
32:52 – Jonathan rescues dogs
33:24 – The UYD intern, Jennifer, is revealed.
41:23 – Whenever Seth can’t fall asleep, he’ll put on Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise”
42:25 – Jah was looking at buying an ’87 Buick Grand National
48:13 – Seth: “(Something New is) the movie where Sanaa Lathan, that girl from Love & Basketball…” Jah: “OK, she’s dope.”
57:14 – First outro of UYD emerges
0:01 – Distinctive sound quality difference from first two episodes
3:28 - #1 most stolen car in 2005: Honda Civic
17:18 – Googlewhacking: Putting two words into the Google search engine in an attempt to yield a single result
19:59 – Seth can’t fool Jonathan by making up the new Bravo show, “Bravo Company”
27:39 – We learn that Jonathan lives in Sherman Oaks
33:26 – Jah rehashes his drink that he orders at The Coffee Bean: a 24-oz. soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whip and no fudge swirls
1:00:05 – Jonathan is giving up this podcast and smelling for lent
1:10 – Seth wants to know who the girl is on the Live Links commercial
35:04 – Jah admits that he doesn’t always stand to pee
37:27 – Seth hopes the girl from Live Links is named Sarah
51:08 – Seth goes over backmasking
58:34 – Seth still begging for the name of the LiveLinks girl
1:01 – Jah pleads for some e-mails to uhhyeahdude@gmail.com. Says he’s only had one e-mailer so far
1:24 – There were no responses to Seth’s request for the LiveLinks girl, but it’s OK because Willem Dafoe said it’s his favorite podcast
30:31 – New trend called “netbanging” – gangs go on web, create sites, call each other out … East LA home to Clanton gang (www.clantone.net)
49:29 – Seth would rather be deaf than blind; Jonathan is the complete opposite. This sparks an argument between them. Jah could still make music if he’s blind. Jah would also rather lose the sense of smell than touch, but Seth says that is crazy.
58:31 – Who should they dedicate this show to?
0:15 – One of the longest gaps of silence (20 seconds) on UYD
2:53 – UYD is rising up the charts of Podcast Alley. They are just ahead of the podcast Youth Vibes but are still behind Treks & Sci-Fi
39:42 – zillow.com – put in any address/zip, get all history on property, etc.
1:01 – Jah says it’s pretty bleak out there as far as podcasts go. He’s finding a lot of informative things, but he hasn’t found anything that’s truly funny
1:37 – Seth announces that UYD just passed Yeast Radio in the Podcast Alley rankings; Jah made eye contact with that drag queen in the last podcast convention and told him/her that they were coming after him/her. Seth says they won’t get too cocky because they haven’t passed the Buffcast
27:25 – We learn that Seth shares a birthday with Asia Argento – September 20
59:44 – Seth starts his list of weird synonyms for the internet, calling it the “ether-face-net-web.”
5:35 – UYD has passed Anime Pulse on PodcastAlley to get to No. 142, but they’re still behind Crybaby Emo Kids.
11:38 – Fire departments encourage people to change batteries in smoke detectors when they change clocks b/c of convenient reminder – sound advice, just like the advice they received from their fan Dave
20:35 – Seth is the only person Jah knows who has a subscription to Playboy
22:01 – Buck Owens obit (former host of Hee Haw) – wasn’t feeling well and was going to leave Crystal Palace when a couple fans told him they came all the way from Oregon to see him. “If somebody’s gonna come all this way, I’m going to do the show and give it my best shot.” After performing whole show, he drove home and died in his sleep
37:00 – East Coast vs. West Coast terminology rehash: Water fountain vs. bubbler discussion, then into P.E. vs. gym class
39:48 – Bathtub that James Earl Ray stood in to shoot MLK Jr. has been sold on eBay for $7,600 to Golden Palace Casino
8:24 – Jah: You know how you can tell you’re in a bad neighborhood? The billboards stay up forever.
9:20 – Rims discussion: “Deuce-deuces” are 22-inch rims. “Deuce McAllisters” are 26-inch rims because his jersey number is 26
12:17 – UYD has fallen behind Coffee Geek podcast but has surpassed Catholic Rockers – the best in Catholic rock bands
30:06 – Seth still wants to know who’s in the LiveLinks spot
38:33 – Jah reveals his man crush on Paul Newman, talking about him beating Jay Leno: “He’s a RACER!”
54:25 – Jonathan insists he would still rather be blind than deaf b/c then he couldn’t hear Seth’s sweet voice every week
13:11 – UYD just passed the official Lost Podcast, but they are right behind Lostcasts.
19:14 – April 20 is National High Five Day
38:26 – Seth mentions a documentary that will appear on Lifetime called Searching for Angela Shelton, a woman who traveled the country meeting women who knew her name. It turned out that a lot of women with her namesake suffered emotionally and physically. Seth and Jonathan met her at the 2004 Air Guitar Championships (under the name “Cherry Vanilla”) at The Roxy on Sunset Boulevard. This footage is captured in the documentary Air Guitar Nation, which Jah and Seth appear in briefly
43:53 – Do some of these bands really need tribute bands? Barenaked Ladies (The Fully-Clothed Gents), Mike & The Mechanics (The Living Years), Evanescence (Pumpkin), Spinal Tap (Wood, Dark Queen, Spinal Pap), Live (Freaks), Bad Company (The Pack, The Merchants, Gin Blossoms (Allison Road), Godsmack (15 different tribute bands) – Godsmack started out as a tribute band to Alice In Chains
2:52 – Jonathan is wearing some crazy Crocs in Seth’s studio
10:48 – UYD has passed Karatecast on Podcast Alley, but is behind Metro Moment. Seth: “Do you mean homo moment? Croc moment?”
11:41 – Jah doing a segue: “I found a podcast….” Seth: “UYD? I did too. Or did it find me? Thank you Jesus.” Basically the podcast is a forum for teen boys to get sexual advice from a creepy British prick - TBSA.libsyn.com – stands for Teenage Boys Sexual Advice (14:52)
33:25 – During Walter Clyde “Puggy” Pearson obit, Jah interrupts: “What does that mean? The master of aces and kings?”
53:07 – Seth reveals Jah’s wife’s name - Justine
1:01:44 – Jah features the fruity weird guy from the TBSA.libsyn.com (Teenage Boys Sexual Advice) talking for the outro.
16:33 – UYD has fallen behind The Star Wars Chronicles podcast but just took over Manic Mommies
24:26 – Jah interjects that Adam Curry coined the term “podcast”
52:37 – Famous last meals before death penalty. Jonathan declares he does not like this segment, and says the image of Timothy McVeigh eating two pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream could, on the wrong day, actually make Jonathan cry
2:11 – Jah apologizes for last week’s technical difficulties
4:39 – Jah tries and fails at doing a really bad Paul Reiser impersonation
59:42 – Seth still wants to know who the LiveLinks chick is
2:00 – Being a boarding school guy, care packages are clutch for Jonathan
5:45 – Jah: “What’s going on with cocaine? Coke is everywhere!”
1:00:48 – Apparently UYD is helping people carve it out at the gym – America’s #1 gym talk show
2:26 – Seth and Jonathan are eating Doritos Kryptonite and their strength has diminished tremendously in the last half-hour
34:13 – Seth doesn’t like it when people put the incorrect emphasis on the wrong syllable, which Jah admits to doing.
30:18 – Jonathan’s Rick Ross ringtone
33:19 – Seth and Jah have a window set up outside the studio so all the kids in the neighborhood can line up outside
33:27 – A sign of things to come in Episode 100 – Jah: “We don’t vidcast…” Seth: “Yet!”
43:45 – Seth’s grandmother lives in Seminole, Fla., but returns to Massachusetts for the summer. The shows during the summer are a little looser and more funny because Seth is more relaxed with her being away from Florida
51:48 – Huell Howser sent Seth a postcard saying he wanted to name a veggie hot dog at Pink’s after UYD
55:47 – Jah loves his son Jimmy
0:33 – QB for Tennessee – Jim Bob Cooter
27:10 – Seth elaborates on wanting to make out with Brangelina’s baby (“I would drench it in Pedialyte and mack on that baby for like an hour in the balcony at a mommy and me screening. Mommy and me? Mommy and YOU!”)
14:53 – Episode 019 is brought to you by Deet
16:17 – Seth flashes his Brady Bunch knowledge by citing Episode #53, “The Wheeler-Dealer,” and the original air date, Oct. 8, 1971. Jah confirms that Seth is consulting no text to state this fact
34:28 – Jah’s phone has rang 5 times since the show has started
55:25 – Seth ponders: “What’s more impossible? To never have been into a Starbucks or to never have seen Titanic?” Jah: “Categorically, Starbucks.”
1:00:28 – Jonathan announces the implementation of a voicemail for listeners
1:00:40 – Seth spells it out for the first time: H-O-L-L-Y-W-U-Y-D
0:01 – Robotic voice announces the voicemail number – 888-842-2357
9:14 – Jah: “How about a podcast that has no internet access?”
12:19 – Seth introduces us to fluffernutters – marshmallow fluff is egg whites, corn syrup, sugar and vanilla flavoring, put it on Wonder Bread, put peanut butter on other side and you’ve got a fluffernutter
20:15 and 25:12 – Seth ponders: Is it inappropriate to whistle at an attractive woman? Seth prefers whistle, J-dog prefers “SsssMOKIN!” (21:59)
31:55 – Jah gets super violent: “Hit her. Hit her. Hit her. HIT HER!”
43:26 – Seth: “That’s the circle of life. Hakuna Matata? Is that the circle of life?”
46:40 – We learn Jah’s full name: Jonathan Preston Larroquette
5:54 – It’s America’s weekend. Seth: “…we taught that empire a lesson on who’s the boss.” Jonathan: “When we Tony Danza’d the Brits.”
15:13 – Seth’s Plymouth Sundance is a 1993 model
19:22; 42:07 – Seth blows it for J-dog by revealing that he is married
25:52 – More pizzas delivered to homes than any other night in U.S. history – OJ Simpson Bronco chase
46:33 – Seth gives Jah the opportunity to plug his and Amir’s band, Jogger, but Jah refuses to do it
59:23 – Who do you want to call before we disembowel you? “8-8-8 … 8-4-2 … 2-3-5-seeeeeveNN!”
16:37 – Jah eats his first-ever fluffernutter sandwich before the show. Jah enjoyed his first one, then loved his second one with extra fluff
0:00 – Contrary to what will be said on the show in Episode 023, there will be an episode the following week
15:34 – Random song starts playing in the background
29:29 – Jah’s sister is getting married to Sean
29:44 – Jah is sweating so much because it’s burning up in Seth’s apartment
31:37 – Jah is part of a didgeridoo circle. “One of things we like to say is there’s didgeridoos, and there’s didgeridont’s. And I like to consider myself a didgeridoo.”
52:03 – Hip hop community not dancing anymore, so it will eventually get to the point where it’s just “Curl Your Lips! … Digest! … Just blink!”
20:49 – Lean recipe (promethazine w/ codeine, original Sprite, jolly rancher candy)
30:27 – Seth: “Think about it. Nicole Richey is on the Simple Life and she runs that convenience store on The Simpsons. It’s amazing how they have the time!”
37:30 – Jah incorrectly states that Tempe is the capital of Arizona. It is Phoenix.
39:12 – One lucky UYD listener will be entered in a sweepstakes to win $10. Jah changes the payment to $25 at 41:52
44:14 – Seth names the 5 things every person needs that, if they have, they can go anywhere in the world: Core Control Temperature Cooler, defibulator, chapstick, a pack of gum and a tampon
0:50 – George, a newlywed from Queens NY wins the 25th anniversary special
3:17 – Introduction to zabasearch.com
25:38 – Prime phone swallowing material (PSM) This is what’s Jah’s gonna say when he sees a hot lady walking down the street: “She’s a PSM”
36:00 – Prison pruno recipe (take 10 peeled oranges and 1 8-oz bowl of fruit cocktail, squeeze fruit into small plastic bag, put juice with mash. Add 16 ounces of water, place bag in sink, heat for 15 mins with hot water, keep towels around bag for fermentation, stash bag in cell for 48 hours. Take bag out, add 40-60 cubes of white sugar, add 6 tsp. of ketchup, seal bag, put back in sink, heat in running water for 30 mins. Wrap it up, put it away for 72 hours. Reheat for 15 mins every day for three days. Skim off mash at top of bag, pour remaining portion into 2 18-oz cups, drink very quickly)
59:51 – Jonathan announces the implementation of the UYD website – predicts it will be up within 24-48 hours of when the listener is hearing this show
3:55 – www.uhhyeahdude.com is now up and running. Jah: “Your center, your HQ for everything UYD.”
33:21 – Seth begs for phone calls: “Somebody call. Call. Call. Call. Call. Just call.”
13:04 – Jonathan talks about Costco’s lifetime full return policy – Amir bought a $350 tube TV three years ago, walked in this week and they gave him $350 cash
33:59 – Seth talks about his 7-year-old daughter, Vanessa
42:54 – Ten years ago there were 2 million pay phones; now there are 1 million
0:24 – They have finally found and arrested Haley Joel Osment’s killer
20:48 – We hear a police siren in the background of the UYD studio
42:12 – J & S improvise a jingle for Pepsi Jazz that will later be jacked by Pepsi
52:40 – SORIS – scans irises of sex offenders
56:25 – Jonathan on a hunger strike and loses 38 pounds
54:12 – We learn the identity of Seth’s mother, Marsha
19:37 – Jah tells UYD callers that if you’ve covered your bases on the UYD voicemail, don’t call back and wrap up your previous ramblings
4:56 – Biggest party schools in the country (1. Texas, also UCSB, Wisconsin, Ohio State, Evergreen, UMass) High Times biggest weed schools (1. Maryland, also Colorado, Rhode Island, Florida State, Evergreen)
18:43 – Jah lights up on air for the first time (lighter audible at 19:06). He claims that he does not plan to make a habit of this whilst recording. Seth thinks he should continue to do it
41:08 – Seth ponders, what is the dipping sauce for balls?
0:21 – This week’s show brought to you by Playboy: Entertainment for Men
9:06 – Seth uses the same make and model microphone as Bob Barker – bought at an estate sale of the late Rod Roddy
2:03 – Jah requests Abraham Benrubi to play him in the UYD ABC Movie of the Week; Seth want Corin Nemec to play him; Sandra Bullock will play Jennifer the UYD intern
38:44 – Seth has never eaten a fruitcake and Jah hasn’t met anyone who likes them
1:01:05 – Seth: “I get a large coffee with two shots of espresso, it costs $2.90. How much do you think said coffee was in October of ’95.” Jah: “$1.25.” Seth: “FUCK YOU!”
9:11 – We learn that Seth has a degree in Communications from a good school (Emerson) and graduated before the internet
0:01 – Hilarious intro mocking other podcast intros
33:12 – Jah’s handwriting is the equivalent of a failed graffiti artist and a 9-year-old
1:01:14 – Jah feels like Seth had so much flavor this episode but Jah didn’t bring any of his A game
0:43 – Jonathan’s voice is all jacked up: “I’m very under the weather so I apologize for the snot in my timber.”
1:14 and 4:15 – Seth announces there will be no episode the following week because he is going in for testing on his DPR
9:18 – Seth gives us Seinfeld’s routine from the Comedy Central Night of Too Many Stars Autism Benefit
29:06 – Seth apologizes to all gay UYD listeners for using offensive terminology like “fruit,” “faggot,” etc.
41:43 – Jonathan declares that “loud pipes save lives”
51:46 – Massachusetts city bans playing tag – Jonathan thought he was talking about TAG body spray
15:26 – Seth reveals that he does not know what a SIM card is
6:41 – Jah watches a movie called The Cookout and walks away from it feeling fairly confused, utterly unentertained and really curious about how movies like this continue to get made
16:24 – Jonathan and Seth’s favorite day is Black Friday. On this day in 2005 they decided to start UYD. On the way to buy ionizers at The Sharper Image, they were gridlocked in traffic they discussed how they could talk about our life, country and culture – UYD is what they came up with.
25:16 – Jah hears something and wonders if there’s someone else in the apartment
32:14 and 32:22 – Jonathan’s horrible Boston accent
38:34 – Seth and Jonathan play golf every Sunday, Jah also plays every Wednesday
39:35 – Seth had lice once and Jonathan twice as kids
0:01 – Jonathan, Seth and UYD Nation are first to wish Mr. Larroquette a happy birthday
6:55 – This is the unofficial 1-year anniversary for UYD, because Thanksgiving of 2005 was the period of time when they decided to do the show. Seth: “This is UYD at its zenith.”
21:23 – Jah says he used to be able to distinguish the different colors of M&Ms; in 5th and 6th grade. Says he will put it to the test on air at some point
51:24 – Seth first proposes adopting a small black boy as his great-grandson and naming him Jeff
13:38 – Seth places mistletoe above Jonathan in studio
30:58 – Seth requests someone to send him the song “Too Much Time On My Hands” by Styx
39:47 – Jah talks about the urban legend of Las Vegas pumping pure oxygen into casinos to make people stay super awake and hang out and gamble
42:22 – Jah and Seth introduce the new scent of UYD: vanilla, sandalwood and lyme. Seth: “That’s a delicious fragrance; what are you wearing? I’m wearing UYD. What are you listening to? I’m listening to UYD. What are you watching? I’m watching UYD. Why are you fighting? We’re fighting for UYD. But you’re in a parking lot at Pavilions. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. Big whoop. It don’t matter to me. Fallujah, Vine Street, I don’t give a fuck. I fight for freedom … and UYD.”
43:24 – Seth and Jah compare East Coast vs. West Coast terminology: jimmies vs. sprinkles, bubblers vs. water fountains, pigpiles vs. dogpiles, gym vs. P.E., recess vs. nutrition, tonic vs. soda
19:57 – We learn Seth’s brother’s name, Max
37:42 – Seth announces his new name for the internet, the “monsterweb.”
45:23 – Jonathan says Christmas music sends him to the darkest place ever, while Seth says the Charlie Brown Christmas music freaks him out
51:36 – Jah is in the LA Weekly this week, with some of his poetry quoted in it
33:23 – Seth dips back in to his desire to want a great-grandson named Jeff
21:38 – Seth was a latchkey kid – came home from school, key would be left out for him, and he would be left alone to watch Inspector Gadget until his mom came home from work
28:53 – Jonathan Larroquette is Time magazine’s “Man of the Year”
36:16 – Just like Rocky Balboa rescued a dog, Jonathan Larroquette has rescued dogs
41:36 – Seth’s improv’ed “Minds, eyes hearts and cocks” jingle cracks Jah-man up
59:38 – Another Seth shout-out to Jeff, his black great-grandson
0:48 – Jah and Seth are sitting Indian-style on a nice Afghan rug in their Christmas cashmere turtlenecks, looking back and reflecting on the antics of 2006.
36:07 – Jah can’t think of Garth Brooks’ alter-ego until Seth reveals it, Chris Gaines, at the 37:35 mark
36:24 – Jah rocks a Bobby McFerrin ditty, “Blackbird”
44:45 – Seth and Jah try to figure out what kind of a website they could create in ’07 to have a streamlined niche market. Jah suggests fat people grocery shopping. They will name it “Chubbb Grubbb,” or www.chubbbgrubbb.com
47:55 – Jonathan buys Seth an Audix OM2 microphone for Christmas – it’s his second-best Christmas gift ever, next to his Haro BMX: "Hey, how’s your Haro, Seth? Well, it’s pretty awesome, world. Well harooo, Haro.”
0:01 – No intro song can be heard
0:13 – This show is brought to us by McDonald’s Cinnamon Melts
8:07 – Seth announces his affinity for the Dallas Cowboys
31:26 – Jonathan creams over the iPhone
36:01 – Jah ponders what the movie Fuck looks like on the 108-inch Sharp LCD
1:01:23 – First plug for donating to show
1:57 – UYD thanks the three listeners who donated to the show in the first full week of accepting donations to keep the show running ($10 = Community Builder; $25 = Hope Giver; $50 = Dream Catcher; $100 = Miracle Maker)
44:36 – Technical difficulties on UYD
53:59 – Seth wants to know the lyrics from Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55”
2:33 – Jah’s father told him not to put on headphones for the podcast because he’ll fall in love with his own voice
43:08 – Seth repeats the phrase Jah taught him in Episode 036 – “Loud pipes save lives.” Jah: “And clean needles.”
43:41 – Danny Finegood obit – as part of his environmental sculpture at his Cal State-Northridge class, he changed the Hollywood sign to read HOLLYWEED
0:33 – Jah busts out “Drift Away” by Dobie Gray, botches the lyrics and can’t figure out who sings it
18:43 – Jonathan and Seth watch unrated version of The Marine with John Cena – they declare it “awesome.”
39:28 – Jonathan’s dad was supposed to be on board the helicopter that crashed on the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie (killed 2 people), but his car got stolen and he couldn’t be there
26:15 – Jonathan lashes back at voicemail callers who are correcting him, telling him it’s “Give me the beat boys…” Jah says it’s “Give me the Beach Boys” by Desmond Tutu
0:17 – Ask, believe, receive: It’s The Secret.
26:16 – Seth: “That’s the circle of life. Hakuna matata. What does hakuna matata mean?” Jonathan: “The circle of life.”
0:21 – This episode is brought to us by Team UYD
9:50 – Seth explains the following foods: ants on a log, elephant ears, bear claws, egg cream, Hawaiian pizza, swiss roll, and London broil
17:42 – Seth gives up hate for lent. Every New Year’s and every lent he gives it up.
36:46 – Seth realizes that hakuna matata means “no worries.”
50:30 – Jahnathan qualifies as a “bear.” A panda bear is an Asian guy, a cub is a young bear, an otter is a thin bear, Tony Soprano is the king of all bears. Jah originally thought a bear was an LL Bean lumberjack.
55:53 – Seth still wants to know the “I Can’t Drive 55” lyrics
0:19 – Seth finally gets his wish, to hear lyrics from “I Can’t Drive 55” by Sammy Hagar
6:04 – Seth wonders if people still go dutch on the dating scene
10:19 – We learn that Jonathan needs a big King bed because his dogs sleep on the bed with him
0:31 – Jah and Seth are podcasting live from South by Southwest in Austin TX
22:45 – Seth wishes his mother a wonderful trip to Italy, where she will be listening to the show will fellow Romans
43:43 – Jah sleeps in the raw; Seth sleeps in a sweatshirt and a parka as his bottom
44:57 – Jah’s friends Alley Mills and Orson Beane have separate houses in Venice side-by-side, connected by a tunnel
58:44 – Seth has seen “Blood In Blood Out… Bound By Honor” three times in the theaters.
12:35 – Jah’s depth charge ringtone goes off
50:47 – Jonathan needs help with data recovery because in a fury he kicked one of his hard drives when it was plugged in and on, and he’s lost his entire music library with 80 gigabytes of tunes
0:11 – An early start time for UYD – 9:19 p.m.
2:04 – Seth reveals that he has an 8-year-old brother
38:49 – Nicotine Anonymous refers to abstinence from smoking as “smobriety.” Jah: I mean, I was in this parking lot and this woman, she cut me off she took my spot and I got so angry, but then I just said – you know what? I’m not going to let her fuck with my smobriety. … Instead of Hi I’m John, I’m a smoking addict, they’re like, You’re an asshole! (39:39)
40:37 – When Jonathan gets dressed around midday, he says to himself, “Do I look sexy, but not sexual?” Seth says the opposite: “Do I look sexual, but not sexy?”
0:12 – This is their hands-down favorite best week of voicemails ever, and Jah dedicates the show to April and new starts
10:15 – Seth ponders how Jonathan has such beautiful hands
11:47 – UYD hired a demographic group to figure out who listens to UYD. They sat down with a team and they said “We’ve found your demographic. You know who listens to UYD? People that are awesome.” And then they threw a three-ring binder at them and walked out
16:55 – Seth celebrates 5 years of sobriety
21:12 – Jah knows someone, Tim, who got Chlamydia of the eye – only 2 ways you can get it: 1) insect carrying it gives it to you; or 2) rubbing on some Chlamydia-infested snatch
37:45 – Jonathan tries to keep talking with three cigarettes in his mouth. Seth: “That’s awesome information, probably impossible for our listeners to hear, because you’re chewing tobacco on the right side of your mouth and you have a cigarette on the left.” Jah: “Every time I say Johnny Cash I want to smoke, I don’t know why.”
27:21 – Phone rings and Seth thinks it’s the scientologists coming for him. Seth: “Oh my god… well, 61 was a good run. Thank you.”
29:08 – Jonathan says homeless people are disgusting – comment comes back to haunt him in Episode 062
33:32 – Seth goes over Madden Curse
1:00:46 – Jah is wearing pink argyle socks
0:14 – Next week’s show will be done on Thursday and available on Friday
3:19 – Jonathan gets heat for the homeless comment: “Hey man – what’s your problem with homeless people? That’s not funny.”
10:23 – A lot of listeners chime in about knowing “Our God Is An Awesome God” and saying it was the jam
13:25 – Seth can’t stand Jonathan discarding index cards on the floor of the UYD studio and feels compelled to walk over, pick it up and put it in its proper place for archiving purposes. Seth says it’s because he’s not used to the show being recorded on Thursday night
14:10 – Jah talks about the new blood pressure machines being the grossest thing ever. “It just feels like an oddly compromised position to put yourself in in public view.” It’s the same people who lay in massage chairs and get their germs all over them. The only things Jah is down with are the public take-a-nap places you can rent in Japan
30:25 – The first song Jah learned on the guitar was “Heard It Through The Grapevine”
33:23 – Seth can’t believe that Famous Amos and Mrs. Fields fucked
44:46, 54:02 and 59:07 – Seth and Jonathan talk about Xtenz infomercial: “BIGGER!”
51:20 – Sting can do tantric face yoga to where his face cums for an hour straight. Seth: “Why is Sting’s face cumming for so long?”
0:01 – Audio quality is distinctively lessened
28:33 – Jonathan is convinced he’s never seen a black person with Down’s syndrome, then incorrectly states that 1 out of every 10 has it
58:34 – Seth is going to see Lucky You because his plan is to see how many Drew Barrymore rom-coms he can see this year and walk out of
3:19 – Jonathan was duped by Seth last week by the Grateful Dead song “Gentlemen Start Your Engines,” which Jonathan reads the lyrics of
5:55 – Jonathan clarifies his incorrect Down’s syndrome fact – incidence rate in African American and Caucasian children is 1 per 600-700 live births, rather than 1 in 10
33:59 – Commercials for KFC during the Kentucky Derby saying “we’re #1 in China!” going apeshit
53:30 – People on website say Seth looks and sounds like David Spade and Jonathan looks like a young Norm Peterson from Cheers. Jah will concede the Norm comparison but Seth isn’t down with being compared to the Spade-dog: Seth: “David Spade? So I look like a female marionette puppet with a fake wig? Thanks listeners. Appreciate it.”
14:19 – Seth thinks he and Jonathan should be cast on Cavemen playing bi-curious radio DJs who live next door to the cavemen
15:54 – Jah wants his dad to go on Conan and somehow work in a UYD plug
22:34 – Seth takes a swig of his Diet Coke Plus: “That’s vitamins and minerals.”
48:29 – Jonathan ponders, why do people laugh when babies cry?
50:49 – Most popular babies names: girl’s name at lowest level since 1950s? Katrina.
1:00:04 – UYD does an hour-long show. The first show they did that they never uploaded was 3 hours long; the second show was 22 minutes long. They decided to split the difference. Seven of their shows didn’t air.
1:01:01 – Jonathan gets feedback on new show upload time from listener Sonny, lying on the beach watching a fisherman and listening to UYD – loving the new UYD vibe
31:55 – Seth has no question that he has seen every single episode of The Dukes of Hazzard. We first learn of Seth’s notebook decked out with REO Speedwagon, AC/DC and a journal entry about the Dukes of Hazzard
43:54 – Seth goes back to his theory that whistling at women is appropriate, while Jonathan does “SSSMMMOKIN!” (first mentioned in Episode 020, 20:15)
47:01 – Brattleboro, VT – public nudity legal
59:37 – After a day of work, Jonathan would not let anyone go anywhere near his genitals without having a shower first
16:44 – Jonathan sees a bumper sticker that reads: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
5:07 – Jah’s current drink of choice at Starbucks? Iced venti quad soy latte
38:41 – Seth has been in LA for 12 years and is still waiting for an earthquake. He arrived in January of 1995, and the last big one was in January of 1994
42:25 – Seth moonwalks live on UYD. Jah loses it: “You can totally fucking moonwalk! Seth just moonwalked! I’m not kidding you guys, that was a solid moonwalk.” Seth says he will cripwalk next show
47:17 – The Netflix queue is tearing couples apart – going into the queue, logging on and changing the order
1:00:02 – Jah and Seth request all angel investors making over $250,000 a year to simply give it to UYD
1:02:34 – Seth makes one request to potential UYD voicemail callers: no beatboxing. “I had a beatboxing incident as a boy. I was almost killed by a beatboxer. I was raped and left for dead. So the sound of beatboxing takes me back to the rape.” Jah confirms: “I had to witness Seth listening to that beatboxing voicemail and the shuddering, sweating and tearing that occurred…”
0:37 – Jah: “Do you know what material can scratch a diamond?” Seth: “A fine piece of silk.” Jah: “Only a diamond can scratch or scuff another diamond.”
23:18 – Jonathan reads his book report on A Clockwork Orange, titled “You Can’t Blame the Youth.” An excerpt: “The book takes place at a time in the future when the world’s youth has gone mad. It’s much like the gang problem we are running into today. …”
35:48 – Seth and Jonathan both have plus-ones to Lindsey Lohan’s birthday party, and request listeners to submit all the reasons why they should take you to the party. Seth: “Type us a report.” Jah: “And by type a report we mean send us pictures of your tits.”
36:19 – Jonathan ponders: Do guys who take crazy hormones and grow boobs – are they susceptible to breast cancer?
42:11 – Seth’s cell phone rings in the studio
1:01:49 – Seth and Jonathan ponder having a celebrity guest on UYD
5:45 – We learn the name of Jah’s high school, Verde Valley School in Sedona, AZ
10:35 – Lindsey Lohan cancels her birthday party, throwing Jah and Seth off
26:00 – Jonathan holds both microphones and talks into them as Seth goes to bust open a Twinkie. Seth loves it, and says it reminds him of sitting in Havana, Cuba, eating a Twinkie off the tree: “They hate us for our OG Twinkies”
47:21 – Jah and Seth try to figure out the difference between fraternal and identical twins, except they keep saying “paternal” and “maternal” and confuse the hell out of themselves and UYD listeners
48:33 – Seth thinks Jonathan should be the resident UYD Doctor, after the way he tried to explain the types of twins and how he thinks 1 in 10 black people have Down’s Syndrome (Episode 063, 28:33)
51:54 – Jonathan asks if everyone has by this point figured out that the news items Jah reads are simply things Seth has written down for him in advance
9:12 – Jah gives a shout-out to a local listener, April
17:17 – Seth’s first reference to “High Net Worth” on CNBC
21:33 – Jah drops it on Seth: “Do you know you admitted to committing a felony on last week’s show? You opened Jay Leno’s mail.” Seth: “Fuck!”
49:38 – Jah reveals Apple’s official street address: 1 Infinite Loop
25:10 – Seth’s little diversion into singing “Baker Street” puzzles both of them as to who sings it. They later discover that it is Gerry Rafferty at 31:40 and speak/sing lyrics
29:12 – Jah gives a shout-out to Zach and Leanna in Chicago
29:34 and 30:47 – Jah’s depth charge ringtone
30:21 – Jah explains the Cold Stone forearms – they whip it together so hard that they all get jacked up. Jah only gets hand jobs from young girls who work there b/c they’re so strong
31:01 – Jah knows of 2 people who have iPhones with UYD on them and wants a picture of it
1:02:29 – Props to MadCowPirate.com’s positive review on May 5, 2007
0:43 – We don’t need another hero; we don’t need another way home; all we need is life beyond Thunderdome
1:44 – It seems that every state in the union is being represented on the UYD voicemail – Hawaii, Juneau, Alaska. Jah: “We’ve got hoes in different area codes.”
49:50 – Jah saw an article on Hanson in US Weekly and it gave him a full panic attack
1:01:39 – Jah: “If you want to go to the fucking website, you fuckers…” Both start laughing
23:53 – Seth would never go skydiving and would never go bungee jumping. A UYD listener went skydiving for her birthday and Jonathan thought that was awesome – the closest he’s ever come is riding Colossus at Magic Mountain. Seth hates roller coasters too.
50:32 – Jonathan fails miserably at his Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation
1:03:44 – Jonathan teases us by telling us we will have awesome UYD t-shirts
1:05:24 – Jah encourages listeners to go into Apple Stores and subscribe to UYD through iTunes at those stores
51:29 – What’s Tuesday, August 7, 2007? Jah’s 30th birthday
53:24 – J & S continue to refer to “hakuna matata” as “the circle of life.”
1:03:24 – Banging on wall of Seth’s apartment indicates that he’s being too loud (Seth: “I guess when your dog barks for the next 12 hours and I’ve not said anything over the last six months I just… that’s cool, but I guess if I’m talking about the world a little too loud, I’m sorry in the studio.”
1:04:12 – UYD listener in Chicago subscribed to 50% of the computers at the Apple Store in Chicago
33:34 – Jah’s iPhone comes to life
1:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to Cassie and Crow for the dope birthday gift they sent him. It’s a giant rubber ball with Chris Hansen from TCAP drawn on it with a Sharpie, and it was sent through the post office as is.
7:33 – Seth came up with his DJ name: DJ Talent. Jah, jealous of his friend’s DJ name, steals it for himself: DJ R23PO
9:55 – Jah gives a Forum update. One listener asks if Jah’s dad was in Chicago because he thinks he saw him, but Jah dispels this rumor. Another listener responds, saying they had their own celebrity sighting, spotting Seth Romatelli in Fish Without A Bicycle. Another listener says they found him in IMDB as being in Crossroads with Britney Spears: “Please tell me he hit that.” Seth’s only reply: “People are talking. Technology is running amuck.”
14:09 – Seth wonders if the static electricity discharge thing at gas pumps is true or BS. Jah thinks it’s bullshit.
15:17 – UYD listener Mike calls Jah a hippie-crite: “Vegan/smoker, environmentalist/car fanatic. When was the last time you replaced a car trip with a bicycle or just walked there? I can’t wait to hear your self-righteous hatred of AT&T when you get your paper-wasting 20-page bill for your iPhone. By the way I love the show. I found you about Episode 020 and I’ve listened to every one. Every time I ride my bike past Gold’s Gym I remember the story about some first grader that had cocaine and some other kids that had a grenade, because I was listening to the show when they were replacing the Gold’s Gym sign, and now the two are welded together forever in my brain.”
45:20 – Jah reveals that they lost half of a show tonight
56:17 – Seth’s cross-country trip where he recorded the high score on Gallaga on every arcade in the nation. Seth: “What three letters did I punch in?” Jah: “UYD.” Seth: “Actually I did RMA for Roma, but next time.”
0:25 – Jah wishes a happy birthday to UYD listener Joaquin, the drummer for the band Hello Stranger. He is currently in Pittsburgh after just playing there
3:04 – Jonathan gets some Doritos Collisions, which they both sample in the studio
15:11 – Jah: “This must be disgusting hearing me talking with full cock mouth like glug, glug…”
55:37 – Jah notices that as the show has become more popular, people get a little nervous when they call and leave voicemail messages.
58:50 – Jah gets trippy thinking about the fact that Lucas Black and Billy Bob Thornton starred together in Sling Blade along with country star Dwight Yoakum, while Black and Thornton also teamed up in Friday Night Lights along with country star Tim McGraw.
2:07 – Jonathan’s random diversion about the Koosh Ball leaves Seth mindfucked
2:26 – Depth charge ringtone goes off
8:58 – New fried foods at Texas State Fair (fried cookie dough, fried guacamole, deep-fried latte)
59:51 – Seth explains PodcastAlley to listeners like it’s a new revelation
1:02:27 – Seth’s computer is really old; he’ll go to websites and nothing will load
19:08 – University of Pittsburgh reports that 10% of fourth graders have already had their first alcoholic beverage
44:06 – Seth wonders if it’s cool to pour peanuts in your Sunkist like he saw an old college football coach do on TV
1:37 – UYD got a new twist this week on the voicemails – drunk dialing. The wasted dude told Jah he could beat Jonathan’s highly modified 2003 Volkswagen GTI with his 2002 Civic SI. Nobody wanted to step to Seth’s Plymouth Sundance, however
5:32 – UYD listener Zach wants to ask Leanna to Homecoming so he can get some brain
8:10 – Seth keeps working on the UYD theme song – he’s been working on it for 82 episodes
10:54 – Seth and Jah delve back into East Coast/West Coast terminology: pigpile/dogpile; recess/nutrition; bubbler/water fountain; gym/P.E.
0:50 – Jonathan and Seth didn’t hear any of the voicemails because Jonathan forgot to pay the phone bill again
13:06 – This show is being brought to you by Vivaxa – gives you both timing and control
48:30 – Jonathan wishes Seth a happy birthday even though it’s technically no longer his birthday
51:58 – Seth ponders, why does every place he sees say COLDEST BEER IN TOWN?
2:15 – Jah wants to blow the roof off UYD by handing out his personal phone number – 323-481-4422. One stipulation: In order to call him, you must get one friend to subscribe to the show
8:28 – If you call Jah, more than likely he’ll be on the driving range taking lessons from Roger Dunn
9:07 – Seth asks Jah if he’s ever heard of the reggae song “Sweat” by Inner Circle but Jah isn’t familiar with it. Jah stopped listening to Inner Circle when Jacob Miller died. Seth wants to know if the song is advocating rape or any kind of sexual deviancy or abuse
18:47 – Jah apologizes for the smoke detector going off in Episode 083. Seth says Jah went out at 3 a.m. and basically ripped the battery out of the detector
49:49 – Seth still receives Playboy magazine and reads the articles. If you paid Jah $1,000, he couldn’t even get an erection flipping through the magazine, much less successfully beat off. He says he would have better luck beating off to a Harpo magazine (really an O magazine).
53:10 – Jah wants to know if dudes use lube, spit palm or dry palm to jerky jerk
57:38 – The only cities UYD rocks it in are Sedona, Albuquerque, L.A. and Vegas
59:08 – Young man in Topeka, Kan., named Alex, goes to Topeka High and has nothing but good things to say about UYD and UYD nation. Seth says he sounds like he’s a straight-A student
1:00:00 – Jah asks listeners to tell him how to add pictures to the podcast so people aren’t blankly staring at text or nothing when they’re listening to the show
0:33 – Seth bought Radiohead’s new album, and paid two pence
2:52 – Jonathan says he got the best calls and texts as a result of giving out his personal cell phone number. He tried to call the dude back from Egypt but couldn’t get through. He also gives a “big-ups” to Jessica from Virginia who was feeling a little left out
11:14 – Seth asks Jonathan not to spin the microphone like a baton when he’s talking into it
17:35 – We learn that Seth has a Braille Playboy sitting in his studio – Vol. 25, April 1978 issue
27:26 – Jah: “I think this episode is an official disaster.” Seth predicts that when he listens to it tomorrow he will say, “Good work guys.”
27:54 – Jonathan has never eaten anything from a George Foreman Grill, and claims he is not the only one
29:19 – Seth claims that Jonathan said something to him on an episode that he’s never forgotten: “Seth, loud pipes save lives.” (regarding Harley-Davidson motorcycles, Episode 036, 41:43 and Episode 049, 43:08)
31:09 – Jah got a voicemail on his cell phone from Hutch that said “Yo dog, you dead dog. It’s on dog.”
32:16 – 30th anniversary of Atari 2600 is upon us – October of 1977 – the same year Jah had his first boner. Seth was a fan of Pitfall, but Jah had a ColecoVision
33:23 – Vegansexuals: Vegans who prefer to couple with other vegans instead of non-vegans whose bodies are composed of rotting animal flesh and corpses
16:20 – Seth ponders: “Without UYD, how would we collectively live and make sense of this? If we didn’t come together once a week for 60 minutes how the fuck are we going to make sense of this world we live in?”
23:57 – Seth observes that Letterman is becoming mean and Leno is becoming funny
34:17 – Seth tells Jah to give everybody Jogger’s site, but Jah refuses: “They’ll know soon enough. They’re too busy digesting the new Radiohead record. Trying to wrap their minds around that.”
37:54 – Jah claims that a funny highway joke is to drive by someone and pretend like they’re asleep and close one eye, and people freak out.
34:49 – Seth’s “Show me the meal!” comment causes Jah to erupt in laughter
51:39 – Seth reveals that he will be voting for Barack Obama
56:00 – Seth doesn’t like the new Radiohead record and said he got a gay vibe from it
12:25 – Jah declares that the Christmas Creep is on: decorations are up across the street from his dog store, and his friend Courtney has just seen his first Christmas commercial
13:45 – Jah revisits his hatred for holiday music originally mentioned in Episode 042
19:57 – GCILFs: Grandma Corpses I’d Like to Fuck
23:16 – Jah suddenly gets very dizzy and the whole room tilted at 45 degrees and tilted back. Seth has also felt terrible all day. Jah asks if there is a gas leak in the house and Seth says not to say that. Jah dismisses the notion because he thinks he would’ve smelled it by now. This is foreshadowing to Episode 144, 42:13, when Seth reveals there really was gas leaking from his stove that whole day
27:56 – Seth gives a shout-out to his cousin Eric for celebrating his 1-year anniversary with wife Erin. One of the only two weeks where UYD has skipped a podcast was when Seth was the best man in Eric’s wedding last October
33:29 – Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, offers a new course in the History Department called “Red Sox Nation”
37:46 – Seth’s seemingly harmless birth-related question sparks the first fight of UYD; Jah proposes to go adopt a baby (39:18), which Seth finds ridiculous; Jah says there’s too many babies (41:12) but Seth says that’s not the point, then sets Jahnny off by saying he treats kids like a litter of dogs (41:19); Seth argues that the most important thing is making the kid, Jah says raising the kid is the most important thing; Seth says it’s the most epic thing you could ever do (44:56), but Jah says mushrooms at a Jerry band show is the most epic thing; Jah gets pissed at Seth for saying he looks at a human being the same way he looks at a dog (45:53), says he wants to turn the podcast off and never turn it on again; then reiterates his pissedoffedness (48:49)
51:02 – Jah admits he hates God, then plugs Zeitgeistmovie.com
1:02:51 – Seth and Jonathan meet with UYD nationers agent79 and 55inch at the 101 Coffee Shop. Being the gentleman that he was, Jonathan picked up the bill
5:46 – UYD listener Laura called Jah and asked if Seth really saw Mystery, but Jah assured her he wasn’t making that up
12:31 – Seth wakes up by calling someone on the East Coast, telling them when he wants to get up and having them call him. Jah calls 976-WAKE
13:50 – The Setai Hotel in South Beach Florida is the country’s only six-star hotel
55:02 – Jah has to pee so bad he can’t think straight and asks Seth to take the reins
56:38 – Seth ponders – what was the original name of Pearl Jam?
1:38 – Jah says he will change the outgoing UYD voicemail message soon enough but he’s bad at doing it so he’s put it off
4:20 – Jah’s first reference to “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story” posters he’s seen in several Starbucks. Examples: I have a customer who orders a triple tall nonfat extra hot cappuccino every day. We call it an Angela. … I think Abby’s been working on her novel for six years now. … There is this lovely couple who come in every morning and read the newspaper to each other. … And when she came in to meet him, he greeted her with a dozens roses and a mocha.
10:51 – Jah wants to start a campaign for reclaiming the rainbow from the homosexual community. In his life, he has been both a hippie and a raver – two things that years ago, rainbows were an integral part of. Jah: “I am telling all gays right now, respecognize. You get to pick two colors from your rainbow flag. I am completely willing to forfeit a color combination to you.” (Then Jah says, “…like the orange and blue of Florida State.” He meant Florida)
21:21 – Seth answers his question from last episode: the original name of Pearl Jam was Mookie Blaylock.
22:22 – Jah dedicates this show to Laura Darlington for her birthday – friend of the show, original UYD listener
48:37 – Jenkem is brought up again. Jah claims he didn’t realize what the “Winnie” nickname is all about (Winnie the Pooh) and wishes he would have picked up on it
58:33 – Jah pleads for money, but Seth says not to because they’re getting it from Marc Zuckerberg
59:41 – UYD idea started in Jonathan’s laundry room in Thanksgiving of 2005. Seth: “That’s when the deep-seeded plans started to take shape.”
1:01:43 – Young college student, UYD listener, has been going to everyone’s dorm room and subscribing to iTunes on their computers
0:31 – Jah and Seth discuss the screwed-up sound levels that many UYD listeners noticed during Episode 091
1:51 – Seth upgrades his computer to a G4 iBook, a gift from Jonathan
35:54 – Jah reads more from “DMT: The Spirit Molecule”
45:46 – Seth and Jah do their whistle/ssssMOKIN routine
46:16 – We learn of Jah’s pink/turquoise poncho that was made in Guatemala
49:23 – Seth claims that Jah gets grifted often. Jah says that 90% of him knows he’s being grifted, but 10% of him just wants to hear the story that they’re going to concoct – then he brings up the $2,000 he was taken for online (Episode 043)
0:07 – Jah refers to this as “Episode Number Fuck You”
1:23 – Jonathan texts “PICKUP” to 44544 in order to get awesome pickup lines like “Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Give me your number.”
6:58 – More “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story:” There’s a mom and the cutest 2-year-old who come in for chocolate milk. Only she calls it dot-dot milk. … Last Christmas she baked us the most amazing cookies. It’s nice when customers are nice. … Neil is my human VCR. He’s always able to tell me what I missed on TV last night.
11:46 – Seth clarifies last week’s question as to whether Alan Thicke wrote the Growing Pains theme song “As Long As We’ve Got Each Other,” it was written by John Bettis – sang by B.J. Thomas
13:09 – Another reference to the Cold Stone Creamery forearms. Marble Slab has been around five years longer than Cold Stone (1983 vs. 1988), but there are 1,400 Cold Stones vs. 349 Marble Slabs.
52:09 – Seth hasn’t had a physical since 8th grade
55:02 – Jah spots what’s in Seth’s search window of his Google page: GUCCI MANE
1:00:45 – Jah finally sees Borat. Seth: “Did you see Titanic?”
0:34 – Seth warns Jonathan that he is sitting almost directly underneath the mistletoe
1:21 – Jah has not been to the website, checked the e-mail or been to the myspace page in two weeks b/c he is playing a live show – Doug Westin’s Troubadour on Santa Monica, Dec. 15
2:07 - More “Behind every cup of coffee, there’s a barista and a good story:” For weeks I had called a customer by the wrong name. He was too shy to correct me. I was so embarrassed when I found out. … Sometimes, they have an argument about who’s going to pay for the drinks: “I’m gonna get it.” “No, I’m gonna get ’em.”
27:07 – This year will be 11th year that TBS will air “A Christmas Story” marathon from Christmas Eve to Christmas Night – unfortunately, it will be first year that director Bob Clark will not be able to watch it – was killed in April on PCH
53:29 – Seth’s sick, Jah’s sick of life. Jah: “What’s your ailment this week?” Seth: “Fucking life.”
1:00:25 – Seth looks ahead to the Episode 100 extravaganzo and ponders what they will do
1:01:44 – Jah never received a pickup line back after requesting it and getting charged for it during Episode 093
1:02:16 – Jah hears through the grapevine that Tara posted her boobs on the UYD website
1:03:22 – Seth thinks they had a great show despite him not feeling 100%
7:14 – Jah’s depth charge goes off, but it’s not a pertinent UYD factoid
31:40 – Seth’s friend John Buckley can, by not looking at a license plate, look at a driver and their car and tell you whether or not they have out-of-state plates
32:25 – Jah re-references his ability to distinguish the different colors of M&Ms; with his eyes closed
41:54 – Seth finally watches 55inch's clip of Jah on SNL with Jon Lovitz. The musical guest that week was Randy Newman, who Jah impersonates with a gravelly “Picasso” rendition. Seth couldn’t believe how composed Jonathan was on live television
44:06 – Seth looks up Don Vito from Jackass – got arrested doing an autograph session while drunk and fondled two 12-year-old girls, was found guilty and screamed “KILL ME!” in the courtroom. Kobe Bryant’s lawyer was also Don Vito’s. He is now on suicide watch in a Colorado prison.
1:03:50 – Jah notes the drama going on in the UYD website: “I feel like this is not conducive for the UYD community.”
0:54 – Jah and Seth receive several Christmas gifts from UYD listeners: vegan fluff and Peter Pan peanut butter, Season’s Beatings from Jerry Springer’s Ringmasters bandaid dispenser, Florida magnet
5:25 – Seth shows Jah a paper with “MV7” written on it. Turns it upside down to reveal “LAW.”
6:55 – UYD is still taking suggestions for Episode 100. They’ve gotten a lot of suggestions – a few too many, if you ask Jah
9:56 – Jah reads e-mail from UYD listener: “Guys, you’re pronouncing Oregon the wrong way. …”
25:46 – Jah and Seth do the Mark McGwire-Jose Canseco Bash Brothers bump in the studio, and Seth suggests doing it before every show. Seth can’t find who started the fist bump but he thinks it’s Jamaicans
29:32 – More college classes: USC – The Beatles Albums; Indiana University – Star Trek; Bucknell University – Witchcraft. UYD voicemail caller took a class at Northern Iowa University called “Just Sex,” where they were graded on their ability to talk about sex
34:42 – Jah threw an index card in the studio in a place where OCD Seth wasn’t comfortable with
41:37 – Jah plays “Kill Your Television” by Ned’s Atomic Dustbin through his laptop live on the show. Seth says he’s never heard of it: “I was too busy watching TV, not talking shit about it.”
1:00:31 – Jah plays “The Christmas Song” by Mannheim Steamroller in its entirety
0:21 – Jonathan feels like dogshit
8:53 – Jonathan gives a Grateful Dead lyric, but is fearful that he’ll get it wrong and Slim Tim will be all up in his shit: If I had a gun for every ace I’ve drawn / I could arm a town the size of Abilene
16:47 – Jah asks if Seth felt as bad as he does when he did the show a few weeks ago. Seth felt worse during the days following the podcast
55:44 – Jonathan receives the following text from a UYD listener: I JUST SAW JUNO. IT’S GOOD. IT’S LIKE NAPOLEON DYNAMITE IN LOVE.
56:13 – Jah is very upset at all the hostility going on in the UYD forums, says he had no part of people getting banned (Cassie, Crow, harpua, Wally, Lizard King, etc.). Jah said he would sooner shut the forums down than let people be banned
1:00:56 – Despite being sick, Jah gives stirring renditions of “We Don’t Need Another Hero” and “I Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love Tonight”
1:03:49 – Jah and Seth further discuss Episode 100 plans. Seth: “We owe it to ourselves, to the show, to the listeners who have gone out of their way to support us for two years.” Jah says he’ll do the show and then hold it ransom. He’ll get things from different people and send it to them individually
1:06:32 – Seth gives Jonathan a new name, “Fuckman.” Seth gives himself the name “Surfer.”
0:04 – Crazy long period of silence lasts for 26 seconds
3:14 – Seth wants the two of them to begin carrying combs/brushes in their back pockets
13:06 – Jah has a slightly Hobbit big toe with a little Hitler stache on it
14:06 – Seth is thinking that Domino’s will be the next pizza place to launch a new pizza. He’s already picked out the Domino’s he’s going to egg, just north of Oxford St. on 3rd St.
29:05 – UYD listener confirms that the turban-wearing “You’re a very lucky man” grifters exist. He was listening to UYD talking about them as one walked past him. He sees two of them in his neighborhood and saw them eating lunch together one day
31:58 – Phenomenal voice messages – seems like they’ve got the Pacific Northwest on lockdown
41:50 – Rambo trailer plays in background
1:03:24 – Episode 100 discussion. Seth almost walked up to Orlando Bloom in a Whole Foods to try to convince him to be on the show
1:04:28 – UYD has made an achievement – on the first page of iTunes of Featured Podcasts
0:25 – They’re adding a new component. They will now henceforth be referred to as UYHD – the first UYD videocast.
1:48 – Seth cracks open some Pepsi Ice Cucumber – Jonathan is down with it but Seth hates it
13:26 – Jonathan covers his barista stories that he’s read in Starbucks
17:04 – Seth: “I hope you’re losing your mind right now because I’m losing my mind because there’s a camera here.”
23:33 – Jah’s microphone is as Bob Barker as he’s ever gotten. Seth’s traditional microphone pose, standing up all nervous-like. Jah’s pose is just kicking it casual
24:45 – Seth: “What is that enormous thing that used to stand next to my computer?” Jah: “The computer.” Seth: “But what’s that thing?” Jah: “The monitor.”
25:20 – Jah randomly: “Can you see my cock in these, because there’s a hole in these jeans.”
27:46 – Rambo’s full name is Jonathan James Rambo, so Seth is now going to start referring to Jah as either Fuckman or Rambo.
0:49 – Seth hands Jonathan a serrated knife that he says he will bring to Rambo, ask for his ticket and put it to the girl’s neck. Seth: “If I get arrested with that knife at John Rambo will you bail me out?” Jah: “Yes.”
1:32 – UYD listeners send S & J a menu from Pizza Factory – a huge chain in Korea that’s not really pizza.
2:53 – Jonathan makes it lain with some Asian funny money sent by UYD listeners
8:26 – Seth used to not care what he looked like while doing the show and now he has to look good. “What do you think people are going to say, like these dudes look like assholes.” Jah: “They’ll be like, I wanna fuck you guys.”
17:04 – Jonathan tells Seth that ever since he started smoking at age 11, he doesn’t start smoking until the sun goes down. Seth’s response: “Gay.”
17:30 – Thanks to the video capabilities, Jah reveals a horrendous pit stain that is probably due to the nervousness of the vidcast.
18:13 – After watching American Idol, Seth ponders the fact that there are females between ages of 16-25 that legitimately think they can sing. What are they thinking? Jah: “I believe that the way that they decipher the audio world is fucked up. It’s either a hiccup in the brain or they are completely delusional because of the shit they’ve been fed their whole life.”
19:43 – The UYD cameraman drops the camera and gets laughed at by Jonathan
21:26 – Jah calls for an official Seth Romatelli moonwalk, but Seth says he’ll do it in Episode 1000 with Macaulay Caulkin
27:51 – Seth and Jonathan were going to do a 5-hour show but opted to instead do a show that was twisted a touch technologically. Show is also available in audio format. The video is a trial run to see if they want to expand the horizons for what they do. They thank cameraman Matthew for his help.
29:30 – Dude writes a crazy negative review on iTunes for getting banned on the forums and it took their ranking down. Jah: “It’s something I can’t control because I have rogue moderators on my fucking website.”
30:09 – Seth takes us on a virtual tour of the studio. Usually there’s an ash tray next to Jah’s computer. Text, articles and index cards laid out on one of the couches, etc. Two years of their lives wrapped up into this little living room area.
31:38 – Jah is afraid he’ll look crazy and beat red and laughing too much with the video capabilities
0:29 – Jah took the 101 to get to Seth’s house tonight – coincidence? They think not.
1:26 – Show dedicated to Amir’s grandfather Tom, who passed away last week
1:51 – Shout-out to Weck for sending the minute-by-minute episodic recollection of what is Uhh Yeah Dude. Seth: “Tina Turner wrote a song about Weck. It’s called ‘Simply The Best.’”
7:43 – Seth is back to wearing his usual garb since they’re not on camera. Jah apologizes for Episode 100 because he was very nervous and since it was hot in the studio he was sweating profusely from the pit area
10:20 – Since Seth didn’t get advance screening tickets for Rambo, the full report won’t be until 102. The pocket knife, he says, will be unsheathed at certain points. Total deaths in First Blood: 1. Total deaths in First Blood Part II: 69. Total deaths in Rambo III: 132. Total number of people killed in Rambo IV: 236.
12:13 – Seth prefers a Score bar over a Heath, Jah goes with a Heath over a Score
13:40 – Jah claims Heath Ledger’s death is “tragic.”
23:54 – A modern-day phrase for the death erection: angel lust
0:00 – Ricky Gervais’ message on the UYD voicemail is played on the show. He refers to himself as “The Podfather.”
1:15 – Jah and Seth receive some gifts – Seth is wearing a Rambo t-shirt (from Bill) and a Florida pink flamingo visor. Jah is wearing a Clearwater, Florida tank top
17:21 – Jah explains the schoolyard game to Seth where you hold your index finger and thumb in a circle, and if the other person looks at it, he gets socked in the arm. If you can get your finger in the hole without the dude catching you, you get to sock him. If your finger gets caught, you get socked three times
41:01 – Nine weeks after texting “PICKUP” to 44544 (Episode 093), they texted him and said he’d be charged monthly for their service. Seth used the polar bear pickup line
46:17 – Seth declares that Jah’s mother looked beautiful at the SAG Awards
1:05:10 – Girl sends care package to UYD studio, included a letter talking about how she remembers seeing John Larroquette being interviewed on a late night talk show and wearing a Fishbone shirt and talking about how cool his son was
1:06:21 – Seth remembers how mad Jonathan’s dad got when he was talking shit about Paul McCartney. He won’t apologize for ripping on Ringo Starr, but when he was doing it he remembers thinking that his dad was going to kill him
1:08:00 – UYD made it to the front page of Featured Comedy Podcast on iTunes, a big achievement that Jonathan is stoked about
1:08:57 – Jah promises that UYD has a new website coming along with a UYD store
13:16 – Seth is attempted to abandon Obama for McCain because of McCain’s hot daughter Meghan McCain
16:34 – Jah and Seth get a grip of voicemails and e-mails about the “circle-below-the-waist” game mentioned in 102. Jah hears one explanation of it being a male-driven game that teaches young’ins not to look at friends’ crotches
40:59 – Seth wants to know if eventually his son is going to pull him aside and tell him he’s a doofus. Jah thinks it’s already happening – that instead of being irreverent they’re being pervy, creepy assholes. Jah says Episode 001 was them officially acknowledging the fact that they were no longer dope. Seth is flabbergasted by this revelation coming to him 103 episodes too late.
1:00:03 – Jah brings up the old Freedom Rock commercial with the two dudes sitting outside of a 60s VW bus, then does a spot-on impersonation of their voices
4:02 – Jah gives a shout-out to Joe and his dad John, who listen to the show together in Ione, California
20:52 – Jah is a Coke man, but his dad is a Pepsi man – at the end of the day he’s a Barq’s man
34:50 – Seth feels that no one should swim ever. He’s never gone to the beach and never will, and showers with shoes. Jah thinks Aquasocks need to be the new throwback
37:32 – Jah is holding an iced venti quad soy vanilla latte (four shots of espresso instead of three)
39:58 –Seth talks about his love for Papermate Flare Pen: “It’s like a Sharpie on training wheels.” Jah uses it to create his old tag: CENST with 1ER underneath it
54:12 – Seth chose not to remove himself from the mailing list of the 2008 SI Swimsuit Issue. Jah didn’t remember the edition being so jam-packed with girls, and says there’s some cute girls in it
55:16 – Seth says both Project Runway and America’s Top Model are strictly-women shows, but Jah argues that Project Runway is for anyone who respects fashion
1:06:37 – Jah and Seth pull a dope move on the listeners by Seth speaking into our left ear and Jah whispering into our right ear
0:41 – Seth and Jah kick a sweet beatbox vibe
2:27 – Jah gave up Phish for lent
5:31 – Seth is pumped for the Mega Millions getting up to $270 million. Seth says he would donate half of it to charity if he won. He has no idea what he would do with the rest of it. Jah would buy Seth a TV, lease him a Cadillac, then pay someone to let him kill them
30:09 – Seth brings up ohemgeeitsme’s breasts
31:38 – Jah says they could be making money right now if they were stand-ups. Seth says stand-up is a beast that not many people can tame. In his opinion, only two men have ever tamed it – George Carlin and Chris Rock
37:23 – Seth hated the Knight Rider pilot, but liked the UYD voicemail message that said “Who needs a talking car when I have UYD plugged in?” Jah said it would’ve been dope if Vince Vaughn was playing Michael Knight and it was directed by McG
40:25 – Jah hands Seth a photograph of Jah at age 14 with his friend Brandon, wearing a Patagonia mosaic Indian print fleece; Brandon is wearing a Guatemalan hat with a Pearl Jam plaid shirt. It’s from Jah’s boarding school, VVS, in Sedona, Ariz.
0:21 – This is the UYD leap year show – 29 days in February
3:32 – People are telling Seth 2 things: 1) TV is dead and 2) Weed is the new coke
38:40 – A UYD listener (Jah can’t remember his name) is working with an post-Katrina organization down in New Orleans. He called Jah on his road trip down there
54:17 – A sun shower is when the sun is out but rain is coming down. When there’s thunder out, the phrase is that “God is bowling.” When you see the sun break from a sun shower, “The devil is beating his wife.” Seth learned this phrase from the South this week standing next to an African American man
57:03 – Jah appreciates the amount and the enthusiasm he’s gotten from all the female listeners sending him pictures of their vages on his phone, but he’s saying that now it has to stop because there’s too many. Jah says they have to be sent via snail mail to Seth
1:02:12 – Jah explains why the website is designed b/c the webmaster got married and flew coop; the site doesn’t load; they’re trying to get it back up with the new site when agent79 gets his shit together
1:03:18 – Seth brags about UYD’s Podcast Alley #12 ranking out of 3,000 comedy podcasts
1:03:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to the SUNYs that listen to UYD – listener Jared Koscinski’s entire second floor listens to UYD
1:05:01 – Seth wants to know if anyone from his alma mater, Emerson, listens to this show. He’s angry that no one from Emerson has contacted him
3:29 – Seth wonders why UYD is getting so many voicemails from Australia. Jah loved the gang of messages they got. Seth gives shout-outs to Matt and Mira and everybody on the fifth floor of a college dormitory to be named later – they couldn’t make out the name because there was a dope party going on
4:30 – Seth shouts out to the University of Mary Washington swim team, who listen to UYD during practice
6:38 – Jah can bench-press 150; Seth can bench 140
10:23 – Jah is laughing at the bodily fluids flowing from Seth’s body at the moment
19:05 and 21:07 – Seth and Jah revisit their whistle / sssmmMMOOKIN! routine with hot girls
23:43 – Seth has counted cigarette butts for 106 episodes Jah’s smoking average for the show. Jah knows what he averages – 5 cigarettes. Jah is supposed to put on a nico patch and he’s going to put it on Biffin’s Bridge
0:32 – Seth’s new handle is “Hard As Is”
1:29 – Chris’ grandmother calls the show “Oh Dude Yeah”
1:52 – Jah says he’s back on the smokes after quitting for 5 days. Seth doesn’t believe that it’s hard to quit but Jah insists it is
3:34 – Seth’s mother thinks Jah is smoking weed because it sounds like he’s taking the deepest hits; Jah explains this is because he’s using a handheld mike, spitting from the dome
26:18 – Jah explains that John Mayer is a poor man’s Dave Matthews, while Jason Mraz is a poor man’s Beck
38:04 – Jah’s friend Juliette, the lead singer for Hello Stranger, has a walk-in closet that’s a panic room
0:27 – Seth is still going by “Hard As Is”
0:59 – A couple episodes ago UYD talked about how girls can’t leave the house without being assaulted. A female listener lets Seth know about the rejection number, 1-310-495-5412, and when some dude spits his ill game at you the recording tells you the person that gave you this number doesn’t ever want to see or speak to you again
1:45 – Jah gives a thank you to his mom for having him, to Seth for having him here this evening as a guest, and to Slim Tim, who sent a package with a double-disc recording of the Jerry Garcia Band on August 7, 1977 – Jah’s birthday
16:50 – Jah is smoking a bit, but Seth says not to feel bad. He talked to a girl who took Chantix, and after smoking for 13 years she was totally cool in one month. She said that quitting cigarettes is like mourning a friend, and Seth busted up laughing in her face. Jah says it’s more like realizing how fragile sanity is: “You’re only a cunt hair away from boot heeling infant children at every turn.” Seth gave up caffeine for a while but it was never too hard to deal with. Jah said he would not do Chantix, but he might consider the hypnosis
19:59 – Longtime UYD listener Nick and his beautiful wife Heather are 8 weeks pregnant
24:46 – Shout-out to Ben Larroquette on his upcoming birthday, as well as UYD listener Tara’s 21st birthday on Wednesday
26:23 – 311’s “Amber” was Jonathan’s ringtone for when Amir would call
37:05 – Jah proposes that one reason dudes spit shitty game is because they see complete losers walking into a place with beautiful women. Jah asks dudes who listen to the show and own a pair of True Religion jeans to call him on his cell. He also asks dudes who wear Affliction t-shirts to call his cell.
39:55 – Seth asks if it’s illegal to turn left into a gas station and then faux drive by and turn back out into the street. He does it 5 times a week but Jah confirms that it is illegal
53:02 – Jah discusses laugh tracks, they have trickle-out laughters called “Fred & Ethel” where you hear the stragglers. Background noise is called “Walla Wall”
1:00:55 – Seth mentions that UYD keeps creeping up the iTunes page
1:01:24 – Jah notes that his package looks huge right now
4:25 – Seth’s dream of appearing on an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 could technically come true because the CW is planning a spin-off of the show
6:24 – Seth says the dance crew Status Quo was robbed in America’s Next Best Dance Crew because they’re African American because MTV is a racist network. Jah called the Jabberwalkies winning it from Day 1, and is happy
8:32 – Voicemail callers have requested Amir to appear as a studio guest
9:27 – Seth gives a shout-out to Patrick and Adrian in Arlington, TX. Jah thanks Patrick for busting UYD’s balls about not being involved with the Myspace page in so long
54:28 – Seth gets a call from Weck asking him to look on Jah’s dad’s IMDB page at the trivia section: Has a son who was a fan of 90s group Fishbone. Jah: “I loved Fishbone.” He explains that it came out because his dad was on Arsenio wearing a polo shirt with the Fishbone logo on it, saying they listened to the same music even though he’s getting older. Also on the page: Liked playing Super Mario Land on Game Boy between takes on Night Court. … Likes ScharffenBerger’s gourmet chocolate, etc.
1:01:29 – Jah apologizes for uploading Episode 109 on Tuesday, and appreciates people texting him and asking him where it was
1:02:14 – Seth says he’d like to get UYD back up in the top 10 of 3,000 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley, although they’re currently down to No. 22. Podcast Alley was the first thing Jah came across and thought it was the only thing you could go through to get them
0:29 – UYD is doing the show on Saturday because of life man, trials and tribulations. Jah giveth and Jah taketh away
1:44 – UYD wishes a huge Happy 21st Birthday to Brian from Brooklyn, UYD’s top field agent. He’s been to competitive eating events, jam band gatherings, a rave, a Police concert at the Meadowlands, etc.
14:20 – Jonathan lifted and frequently uses a quote he heard from REM’s Michael Stipe: “Every generation thinks they invented oral sex.”
14:47 – Jah thanks the UYD listeners who submitted their own versions of Lolcats with UYD themes on them
30:07 – Seth wonders why he can’t just call Moviefone to get movie times and not hear Tyler Perry’s Madea character talking to him. Jonathan can’t believe that Seth still calls Moviefone to get movie times, which sparks a long discussion about Seth’s technological woes. This reminds Seth of the e-mail from Seth’s favorite listener, Kat, who said “Seth’s above e-mail…” Jah clarifies that it’s not that as much as it is something that he doesn’t do, similarly to their friend Sunny Levine (new album “Love Rhino” available on iTunes), who doesn’t drive or have a driver’s license. Jonathan’s only concern with Seth not doing e-mail is that he feels he needs to stay on it, and he’s concerned that in 4 years if Seth decides he wants to be up in it, it will be like getting dropped off in the middle of Haiti. Seth reiterates that he’s listed in the book. The only people he talks to are Jonathan and his mother. He used to have a cell phone 8 months ago but had a full nervous breakdown and the phone “broke,” Jah just took Seth’s cell number out of his phone 3 weeks ago. Seth questions why people are so constantly texting and calling and Facebooking and Myspaceing (40:28)
46:05 – Seth has been on MSNBC’s Lockup Raw marathon, and describes one of the interviews with a skuzzy inmate in Kentucky: I take a bucket, and have all my people fill it up with shit and piss (Jah goes into a coughing fit at this). Then the dudes smashes a lightbulb up in a towel, pours it into the bucket, then throws it on the prison guards so the glass cuts them
1:00:35 – Jonathan wants to take the new Trojan vibrator then put UYD on it with one of the slogans
1:03:06 – Another dip in to Jah’s old tag, CENST (Episode 104)
1:03:23 – UYD gets some submissions from female listeners about crazy-ass things dudes have said to girls whilst boning down on them, first discussed last week: two girls were going down on each other in front of another dude (all drunk) and dude says “Yeah, do you like mouthing her slime?” and a little while later while fingering the one going down on the other, he says “You love this. Look at how slimy you are.” … another dude was locking eyes with the girl (“I’m doing this” eyes) while eating her out, and called her the next day and said “hey, remember when I was going down on you and staring into your eyes?” However, Jah admits that guys enjoy this when the girls lock eyes with them
21:19 – Seth discusses watching Good Morning America and reviewing the terminology that was used in the film “Valley Girl” 25 years ago and how the lingo has changed: “Tubular” is no longer used; “dweeb” is now “geek;” “rad” is now “that’s chill;” “later” is still “goodbye;” “oh my god” is now “OMG;” “KMIA” is still “KMIA;” “dude” still works; etc. … Jah then spits some So-Cal lingo: “duck” means a girl is the worst; “toy” means like a childish whack style; “whack,” “dope” and “fresh” are all still used to this day. … Jah’s understanding about “duck” was that an actual dude and his girlfriend and someone referred to the girl as a duck, then it became popular through an East Coast rap song
25:35 – Seth is outraged that his hair product, KMS Hairplay Molding Paste, costs $25 a tube. It takes an hour to prep his hair each morning
27:19 – Jah goes over his new drink at Starbucks: an iced venti soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. His old drink was a 24-ounce soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whipped cream and no fudge swirls. Seth: “And balls.”
33:15 – Seth shows Jah his appendix scar
47:20 – Jonathan and Seth talk about their disdain for feet, especially bad feet on women who tend to show them off more than they should.
1:17 – Seth tells listener Tim in England that he and his wife have permission to name their son Seth. Seth tells the listener who wants more pictures of Seth to paint his eyes that that is cool too
6:16 – Jah gives an official shoutout to the working man. He says there has been an inordinate amount of men calling the UYD voicemail who have jobs that they don’t enjoy and don’t take a phenomenal amount of brainpower. Jah thinks it’s fresh that UYD helps pass their time at work more smoothly
8:25 – Seth wishes Amir the best of luck as he will play Coachella this weekend. Jah is resentful because he won’t be joining him
35:48 – Seth wonders if it’s possible to steal somebody’s gas tank. Jah says yes but it would be a lot of work. He asks because the gas prices are killing him. He can’t imagine what it would be like if he still had his Chevy Cheyenne pickup with a double tank
38:25 – Jah hasn’t been hiking for almost a month. When he was doing it regularly he looked like Elizabeth Berkeley; now he looks like Delta Burke.
40:59 – Jah is thinking about getting another tattoo: his birthday across his knuckles, 8-7-77. He says it’s the first one he would get where everyone would see it all the time. He has 3 tattoos, all of large scale that took a long time to design by tattoo artist Jill Jordan.
42:56 – Seth got a call from a listener who informs him that in Episode 031 at the 18:43 mark, Jah lights up a cigarette for the first time on the show and says he won’t make a habit of it, yet he’s smoked every episode since. Jah laughs. Seth acknowledges that he encouraged Jah to keep doing it.
44:05 – Seth asks Jah if he’s going to be with him when he’s celebrating 6 years of sobriety. Jah says no because it’s 4-20 and he has places to be.
45:45 – Seth thinks everyone should do everything they want all the time, then goes on another rant about his sobriety misery.
1:02:35 – Seth says there’s never been more correspondence than there was this week, including Seth’s home phone, the UYD voicemail, Jah’s cell phone, Jah’s e-mail and a GRIP of UYD downloads. Jah says that if he’s not getting back to people it’s because there’s been an enormous amount of calls and texts coming in and he wants them to keep on coming
0:58 – Jonathan finally figured out how to change the voicemail. He didn’t realize that for 100+ episodes, the main voicemail message and the mailbox message were playing back-to-back so the callers had to wait through incredibly long greetings before leaving a message
18:44 – Seth ponders what’s up with Jack Johnson? Jah says that in Hawaii there’s not a bigger star or singer in the world than JJ. Jah says at best he’s utterly boring, while Seth says he’s the worst.
19:49 – Blues Traveler is playing opening night at Hollywood Park, so Seth tries to get Jah to dip back in
23:27 – Seth boldly states that UYD has the funniest, smartest listeners in the world. He thinks it’s crazy how good the stuff is. Dudes called in singing in high falsettos, some listeners sent tearjerking e-mails
31:03 – Jah admits he was breastfed. Seth says that is why he has incredible social skills and a high I.Q.
0:59 – Jah dips back in to crazy things dudes have said to ladies whilst boning down. Jah was hoping he would’ve gotten more of them by now. Male listener calls in and says his girlfriend was going down on him, he looked down at her and said “you look like a monkey,” which didn’t go over so well.
4:02 – Seth wants to be called “Gillette” from now on – not because he loves Penn & Teller, but because he’s “the best a man can get.” Jah thinks the phrase should be reserved for Seth’s lady when he’s spitting mad game
5:47 – Seth reiterates that he is a latch-key kid. Even now, when he hears a set of keys jangling, he freezes up. He still tapes a key to the bottom of his foot
13:15 – Seth ponders if kids still wrap their textbooks in grocery bags, but Jah says no. Jah also says that only poor kids used to use them and not real book covers like Jah had with an awesome Porsche on them
19:12 – Seth just did a full ball shift like a true East Coast Italian. Jah has never seen Seth do that before
30:42 – Seth faces the grim realization that his only hope right now is to get married because he is so completely out of the loop with social networking. Seth thinks old people are still able to do it without being wack, but Jah thinks it’s weird if you’re over the age of 30 and are vehemently pursuing your web presence. He says there’s some kind of creepo factor to it.
0:39 – UYD gets a grip of messages from Atlanta this week
2:07 – Jah asks anyone who might be a UYD listener and work at iTunes to call Jonathan on his cell phone. He has important questions to ask them
8:44 – UYD also got 27 calls from Portland in addition to the 40 from Atlanta. They also got 16 more calls asking how Jonathan and Seth met. Both of them remember the night but are not divulging the details of the occasion yet
9:51 – Seth says Portland is the freshest city in the country, while Baltimore is the new Austin. This leads them to the discussion of what Austin is, and what the cities’ slogans are (Keep Austin Weird, Keep Portland Queer)
10:27 – Jonathan reiterates that clean needles save lives. Seth: “It’s true. And loud pipes save lives.”
34:12 – Continuing the segment of shitty things dudes have said to girls while boning down on them: “Come on, shut up and just hop on it!” … “I wish you had a ’70s bush. Don’t shave for a while.”
2:19 – Seth requests 2 more things he doesn’t want to see any more videos about: 1) Mentos & Diet Coke, and 2) Toddlers being videotaped smoking weed
7:53 – Jonathan’s mom just texted him: GIVE ME THOSE DATES AGAIN? AND WHERE TO? MADRID? BARCELONA? WHAT ABOUT YOUR PASSPORT? Jonathan explains that this is in reference a mini-tour that Jogger will be taking to Spain in mid-June
25:00 – Jonathan advertises his 1989 Dodge panel truck is for sale
33:49 – Seth stands in front of a mirror and looks at himself naked twice a day, as does Jonathan
43:40 – Seth reveals that he does not take elevators, which Jonathan is amazed by. He also hasn’t used a payphone since July of 1999
52:44 – Jah goes through a list of Cougar dating websites
54:58 – UYD moved up to the next row on iTunes, next to 2 other podcasts with gay themes, which Seth says could be confusing for people searching comedy podcasts: “Gay Yeah Dude.”
56:22 – Jah says there are a couple things in the works that he’s excited about bringing to the community of Uhh Yeah Dude – t-shirts in the mix that will happen soon, as well as facets of the show that are going to be expanding.
14:37 – Jonathan got a text this week that said HEY JONATHAN – ARE CROCS REALLY ALL THEY’RE CRACKED UP TO BE? Jonathan simply replied, NO
41:48 – Jah reveals that Amir is going to see the Sex and the City movie because he’s been there since the beginning. Seth, too, has seen every single episode. He defends this because he says it was his only way to figure out what women think about. He says he’s more lost now at the end of it
49:43 – Jah loves Mark Wahlberg because he has a crazy high-pitched lady voice and so does Jonathan, and he gives Jah hope in the world. “When he gets intense, his voice gets all crazy high like mine does.”
1:03:55 – Seth took his glasses off and it freaked out Jonathan because he feels like he hasn’t seen him without his glasses on in 10 years. Seth does something to make Jah crack up but noone knows what it is
0:23 – Jonathan begins the episode by cracking up at Seth about something. He says that Seth was going off before the show about how the country is freaking out about everything over the last month or so
1:59 – Seth gives a head’s up that Episode 122 will not come at its normal week, since Jah will be going to Spain for a Jogger tour
8:47 – Jah wonders if he can bring back the “Schwwwiiing!” expression from Wayne’s World whenever hot girls walk by. Seth says no because he needs to stick with the Smokin! thing because it’s his
29:34 – Jah dips back into awesome things dudes do while boning down with ladies. Jah says that eventually they’ll keep doing it until a dude hears him say one and realizes it’s him, then UYD can link them up together. A few: One dude could blow himself (Jah admits he stopped trying when he was 14) and would cum in his own mouth, balancing on his butt, bent over with legs up, and having to rock back and forth. Girl said there were a lot of noises, and while he was doing it he would look over at her expecting her to be turned on by it. Another guy would simply repeat “Your vagina feels good” over and over again in a monotone voice for the second half of sex through fruition
47:13 – Jonathan does his Christopher Walken impersonation
54:43 – Because UYD has been getting a lot of e-mails and phone calls about things being directly stolen from UYD, Seth is officially announcing that the Christmas Creep has begun as of the first week of June. Jah also confirms that people have been spotting other Andy Rooney and Craig’s List segments popping up elsewhere
58:10 – Jah receives confirmation that 7-layer burritos at Taco Bell are totally vegan by nine people. Then Jah heard something from a listener about how Taco Bell gets their tomatoes. Seth: “If you eat a banana, you’ve killed somebody.”
59:45 – Jonathan and Seth decide that since gay marriage is legal in California, they should join together in Holy matrimony. Seth: “That’s going to be crazy. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, but funny.” Jah: “You get to sort of somehow finally in your heart and mind fuse your two favorite comedians, Kevin James and Jonathan Larroquette, into one super person.”
1:02:20 – Seth thinks Jonathan read something already in the show, but he actually read it in pre-pro. Jah is surprised that Seth mistakes the context
1:04:25 – It becomes clear that Seth is getting worked up about skipping a week for Episode 122 (the week of June 23, when Jah will be overseas). Jah: “We don’t like to miss shows – well, Seth doesn’t like to miss shows. I don’t give a fuck. I would miss every other show, probably.” Seth: “I think we owe it to the people that take the time out of their lives to share with us, we owe them a new show every week of our lives. It’s the one constant we’ve all had.” He also notes that they haven’t missed a show since late ’06 (Episode 037 would have originally been posted on Oct. 30, 2006. The only other skipped week was Oct. 2, 2006, which would have originally been Episode 032)
0:45 – Since the Boston Celtics are playing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, Seth and Jonathan have a wager going – if the Lakers win, Seth has to give Jah a Boston Crème Pie, and if the Celtics win, Jah has to give Seth sushi
9:11 – Seth reminds the listeners that Episode 122 will be put on hold for a week as Jah goes to Spain
11:56 – Jah doesn’t like it when people say “ladies and germs…”
14:05 – Jah was talking to high school senior David from Wisconsin about girl troubles. He wanted to ask a girl out, they sent some texts back and forth. It’s been backburnered for the time being but he expects an update in the next few weeks
52:34 – More crazy things dudes have said whilst boning down. Guy and a girl were in a casual sex relationship, the girl was falling asleep and he asked her to suck him before she went to bed, she said no half asleep, then realizes he has pulled a knife from between his mattress and box spring and is holding it up to her tit. She got up, got dressed and left. Jah thinks the dude had half boner rage and half rape fantasy
59:55 – Jah still can’t wrap his head around the show and how people listen to it and support it. It makes him so happy, along with the texting and calling. He encourages people to write reviews for the show on iTunes. Seth: “In February of ’06, Jonathan drove over here, sat in the same seat he was sitting it, smoked the same type of cigarette (not true – Jah is switching from Parliaments to American Spirits, which take 45 minutes to smoke), and we did Episode 001 of Uhh Yeah Dude. It’s now June of ’08 and we’re doing Episode 120.”
0:54 – Seth reminds everyone that this is the final show before sabattical – a well-deserved one-week break – UYD will be back better than ever the week of June 30
2:05 – This episode is a special dedication to the troops, especially Timothy Pegram in Afghanistan. Seth: “When you find Osama, we’ll get you the UYD shirt in early July, you’ll videotape it, make him say ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’”
8:17 – Seth and Jonathan decide that they can’t get married on Tuesday after all b/c Jah is so straight that they wouldn’t believe it – unlike Seth
13:18 – Seth admits he has never owned a pair of flip flops. He has also never gone on a blind date
20:48 – Laura was the first person to send UYD photos of her and her husband when they were kids – in their soccer uniforms at age 11
26:37 – Jah’s friend Amir got to play guitar on The Tonight Show on June 11, back up for Priscilla Ahn
0:00 – UYD returns after a 2-week hiatus with Jonathan in Europe. Jonathan claims at 1:48 that his trip was awesome
1:31 – Seth eats a toffifee that the Darlingtons brought back from Europe. Jah says he can’t have one b/c he is a vegan, but he has a celebratory one anyway and apologizes.
11:10 – Seth is featured on a myriad of clips on YouTube ripped by 55INCH, chronicling Seth’s commercial spots that Seth calls “thanks for nothing, Hollywood.” “My 10-year acting career has been boiled down to 8 minutes.” Seth appears in the clips as a cowboy, a drunk high school student, a young entrepreneur, a family man, a computer hipster, a snowboarder
26:55 – Seth says Jah’s birthday is going to be off the chain, but Jah says it’s going to be depressing. Amir’s birthday is Sunday
57:41 – Jah dedicates this show to his friend Natasha Schneider who passed away yesterday. She was sick for a while before passing. His heart and thoughts go out to her and her husband
59:44 – Jah says Spain was amazing, but he doesn’t need to go back to Switzerland anytime soon
1:34 – Following the 2-week UYD break, it appears that Uhh Yeah Dude has fallen off the front page of Featured Comedy Podcasts. Seth predicts they will be back.
13:55 – A listener sent Jah an e-mail today and it dawned on him that the person was right: the term “Booty Call” is in dire need of being phased out b/c everyone still uses it and it’s wicked old. Nobody really likes the term. In Urban Dictionary, “booty call” was defined in Dec. 28, 2005. Definition: a late-night summons often made via telephone to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad-hoc basis.
22:32 – Jonathan wears Guerlain Heritage cologne, which is giving away a big man secret. He has others but won’t reveal them. Seth decides he will have to get a cologne for himself.
0:37 – Seth reveals that they are doing this episode with video cameras in the studio and neither of them are holding mics. They’re going wireless.
1:31 – Someone asked Seth if he dressed to the left or to the right, and he didn’t know what it meant. Jah says it means which side you put your dong on
5:46 – A new design for peanut butter has a twist-off on both ends so you can never get to the bottom of it. Jah’s idea was to make a billion dollars with a cylindrical Lucite item, a circle threaded into the top and bottom are a ketchup bottle and a phlange. The idea was borne out of people at restaurants having to empty bottles into a big container. Jah’s idea was to screw it in, and as the oxygen was getting pushed in it was getting pushed out of a carb valve in the end. He had the patent drawn up but was sitting in Swingers one night and watched a girl grab 5 bottles, go up to a vat, pour it in and fill up new bottles. His bubble was burst
7:58 – Jah says that there’s eight dudes in the room that they haven’t acknowledged once
48:14 – Jah hasn’t received a field sobriety test in years. He also once had weed in his car and gave the cop an expired recommendation, but his hair looked so good that the cop gave him a week and said “go home.”
1:00:09 – Jah apologizes for his lack of mobility and enthusiasm because his back is killing him
0:33 – UYD follows up on the cameras in the studio and tells us there will be a few clips up on the Myspace page and on YouTube. They are indeed filming again tonight
26:40 – At this point in the show Jah saw two of the cameramen look at each other and acknowledged that his pits were crazy fuego right now. He asks for a super close-up on the pits. He claims that because he’s a hippie he wears crazy deodorant that doesn’t prevent perspiration, it just perpetuates the sweat
31:43 – UYD got a message from a female busdriver in Pittsburgh, PA, and she doesn’t think she’s the target audience but she loves it just the same
56:23 – Jah has a theory that before the Depression in the 20s, dudes would jerk off a much more classy way, but then in the Depression it became a more angry and fevered “Soup Kitchen Jerk”
1:40 – This week’s show and every week in August, UYD is being sponsored by Entourage and HBO. Season 5 premieres Sunday, Sept. 7 on HBO.
3:56 – The iPod generation doesn’t know any words to any songs because they don’t have LP or CD booklets to read the words in
6:14 – Five short minutes after announcing Entourage as a sponsor, Jah admits to not knowing who Vinny Chase, the main character of the show, is
19:00 – This is Jah’s birthday week. Jah will be 31 years old on August 7
24:40 – Jah wonders how the pits are doing in this episode, but Seth says they’re not as bad as the previous week
28:57 – Seth reiterates that there are several people in the studio – 10 balls to be exact. “Do the math.”
57:43 – Jah doesn’t want to take the tone down, but tells us about UYD listener Kylie, an 18-year-old undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. Two days a week she goes in for 4 hours to get treatment. She had a chemo partner who sat in the room with her, a 65-year-old named Bob. Kylie was listening to the show one day and Bob asked her what she was listening to, and she split the headphones so they could both listen. Kylie wrote Jonathan last night to inform him that Bob passed away the night before. Bob had mentioned how happy he was to start listening to the show, and called it a “Radio Box Show” and was happy to listen to it and laugh while in quite a bit of pain. Jah dedicates the show to them and thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever encountered in his life.
1:02:25 – Seth is in disbelief that the show has already eclipsed an hour
0:32 – Today is Jonathan’s birthday.
0:40 – Entourage and HBO are sponsoring Uhh Yeah Dude this week
1:58 – As of midnight the night before, Jah has not smoked and is not smoking on the show for the first time in a long time. He wants to not smoke for a while, if possible.
2:42 – Jah is stunned by the amount of birthday text messages he got from people who listen to the show
9:09 – Seth recommends getting on back-to-school shopping since it starts in three weeks. Jonathan recommends the same store as always, Miller’s Outpost
16:27 – Jah begins cracking up at Seth’s impression of a dude at a convenience store ordering a Snickers Charge, some Newports, a Playgirl and matches and can’t stop himself until 17:06, saying Seth is “really funny”
41:10 – Jah is laughing so hard that he begs Seth to stop being funny
48:16 – Jah declares this is maybe the best birthday he’s ever had in his life
1:36 – Jah outs Seth and the fact that his outgoing message tells people about the season premiere of Entourage.
2:17 – Seth wondered if they ever decided if “Gillette – the best a man can get” is supposed to be targeted toward a male or female. Jah thought it should have been for a man. Seth wants to say it to a dimepiece in the club
50:14 – Jah thanks listeners for the feedback about microphones, sound quality, videos, and asks for thoughts on Entourage sponsorship and that listeners will post the YouTube videos on their own sites
53:01 – Jonathan and Seth declare they will be interviewed on the Mike O’Meara Show on WJFK in Washington DC on Monday, Aug. 18 at 5:30 p.m. Seth wonders if he’ll be able to talk for 15 minutes and not drop an F-bomb
0:46 – Jah reiterates that the show is being sponsored by Entourage
5:20 – Seth reveals that he’s drinking Diet Sunkist, and that when you drink 1 you drink 100. Jah says it’s one of the most revolting things he could conceive drinking. Seth says all he needs is a wheatgrass shot and a Diet Sunkist to make it through the day
14:01 – Seth asks how you text something to the wrong person, and Jah explains it
22:22 – Seth sees a woman on TV saying she ate a catfood sandwich while she was sleepeating at night
56:51 – Seth says all the college kids do is play beer pong
59:15 – Jah sings some Aaron Neville
9:57 – Jah got a new Blackberry this week
28:13 – Jah thinks that if Seth made something that allowed you to jerk off while watching pornography and playing Guitar Hero, Seth would be the richest man alive
28:43 – Jah heard a rumor that he would love to know is true. A guy he wound up in a recording studio with several years ago told him about listening to a tape of Elvis Presley in a studio with The Colonel (Tom Parker) played by Pat Hingle in Elvis and the Beauty Queen, a movie of the week. In the studio Elvis liked to be on the board and play with the fader, and Elvis would have the Colonel write a check to people. At one point Elvis in the studio said “Somebody take the fader, take the fader!” then fell back on the couch and said “Somebody write somebody a check!”
58:30 – Jonathan provides a little factoid about the Culver Hotel next to the Culver 12: John Wayne owned it, and gained ownership of it through Charlie Chaplin who lost it to him in a poker game. Jah: “Why isn’t life like, awesome like that anymore? Can we make life awesome like that again? The problem is there’s no really cool rich people anymore. They’re all wack.”
1:04:35 – Seth went on to podcastalley.com recently, and read a comment where someone wondered why UYD was only ranked 42nd. Seth thinks 42 is pretty good considering there’s about 50,000 podcasts in the system
1:06:14 – Seth invites everyone to visit the UYD studio and get tickets by calling 888-842-2357
1:04 – Jah is smirking at Seth’s sweatshirt, which is an old school 1977 Dallas Cowboys rigout to celebrate the beginning of the 2008 season
4:48 – Seth ponders who Cheech & Chong are, and Jonathan is forced to explain their history in comedy with marijuana-themed movies. Seth claims he’s never heard of these two guys.
11:32 – It’s getting a little hot in the UYD studio. There was some serious music playing next door and they had to close the window, making it steamy in the sausage fest studio
13:42 – Seth brings in his 1987 eighth grade yearbook from Dustin Hunking Middle School in Haverhill, MA, to prove his claims from Episode 130 (56:39) that he was voted “Cutest” in the superlative awards (He shared it with Todd Treffrey). He was also voted “Biggest Flirt” with Peter Martellucci and “Best Personality” with David Thistlewood and “Most Popular” with Jack Barone and “Most Outgoing.” Unfortunately, he also won “Shortest,” sharing it with Eric Carmier (a.k.a. “Slooch”), which took away from his game a little bit. He also shows his picture with the two collared shirts. Jah says Seth is extremely short in the pictures. He also shows the picture from the Eighth Grade Talent Show, which features Seth and his boys as “The Hunkstie Boys” seeing “Paul Revere.” (Episode 078, 8:14)
17:44 – Seth wonders where Jah escaped to, but Jah is getting a glass of water from the kitchen. Seth’s not cool with Jah using one of his coffee mugs for the water. Seth has one fork, one spoon and 50 mugs in the kitchen.
20:00 – Jah got a new phone and wishes he had his old one back. Seth says Jah was on it all the time. Jah hasn’t gotten used to the new one yet; he still gets a lot of calls and texts on it from UYD listeners
30:25 – Seth has a birthday coming up and is wondering what Jah will get him. Jah thinks he will get linked with something that will change his daily life
36:43 – Jah tells a joke about a kid being abducted by a predator that falls flat in the studio. Kid picks up a welder’s mask lying by the side of the street, man lures him in with candy and sodas. Man asks him if he knows what words like fellatio, anal sex and homosexual mean, then the kid says, “Listen mister I gotta level with you, I’m not a welder.” Seth, after a long pause: “I don’t get it.” Jah has to explain
52:55 – Seth asks for a Saudi sheikh to listen to UYD, drive to 466 N. Hobart Blvd. in a crazy Bentley, throw Seth the keys and say “I direct-deposited $50 million into your account. Have a great year. Uhh Yeah Dude!” and then drive away with oil spilling all over Hobart.
57:20 – Seth and Jonathan talk about how they agreed that they would stop at 262 episodes. They have officially reached their halfway mark with 131.
0:34 – UYD makes the executive decision to throw everybody out of the studio. No cameras, no wireless microphones because Seth says they’ve lost an intimacy in the last 8 weeks
9:05 – Seth’s home phone rings in the middle of the episode and Seth can’t believe he forgot to turn the ringer off. “Is that rude? Where I come from people don’t call after 9:00.”
11:29 – Seth wonders if people actually enjoy eating KFC
1:05:53 – UYD got a voicemail message from a blind listener in Arizona. He was in the mall and a dude tried to jack his wallet, which was attached by a chain. The guy said he was trying to get a look at the chain. When the blind man told security they threw him out, not the would-be burglar.
5:43 – Jah is getting overwhelmed on his Blackberry, it’s an influx of people talking about the show, typing comments into the UYD webpage which go to his Blackberry, UYD’s Gmail goes to his Blackberry and day-to-day life. He wonders if it would benefit him and the listeners to have everything into one form of technology that he can go to
12:28 – Seth ponders why people say the phrase “Where do you stay?” instead of “Where do you live?” Jah says it happens to him because he’s essentially homeless
46:48 – We hear Jah’s marijuana pipe that has fallen to the floor. Jah denies it but it’s true.
1:06:25 – Jah wishes Seth an early happy birthday in advance of his 35th birthday, Sept. 20. As Seth reminisces about the birth, Jah does a background “Happy Birthday” song and wraps up as Seth talks about his first boner.
38:27 – Seth reminds Jah that Mike Seaver’s best friend in Growing Pains was named Boner Stabone, and his father’s name was Sylvester Stabone
41:08 – Seth reads something from Playboy that says “What Kind of Man Reads Playboy?” It describes the reader as a young man to a direct course to success, perhaps a college man studying oceanography or architecture. “Either way, he finds way to relax with a pretty companion, as well as his favorite magazine.” Seth reiterates that as long as Hef walks this earth he will continue to buy his magazine. He also wonders when he will get to go to the Playboy Mansion
21:23 – Jah apologizes because he’s been swamped the past couple weeks with texts, calls and e-mails, and asks people that if it’s a pressing issue to re-send to him. He said he’s not getting any help because his intern is going through personal issues of his own.
31:00 – Seth mentions that UYD has a blind listener who isn’t protesting anything, although he was protesting when they threw him out of a mall in Arizona (Episode 132). Jah feels bad for alienating their one blind listener and all of their deaf listeners. Jah estimates that UYD has 700 deaf listeners
37:29 – Seth hears that there’s a lot of sugar in kid’s cereals, and that a way to combat that is to take a bowl and put half sugar cereal and half sweet cereal. Seth thinks that instead of placating your spoiled brat child with half a bowl of Honey Smacks and half a bowl of Cheerios, stick their head in the bowl of Cheerios and make them eat it. When Seth was a kid his mom wouldn’t let him have a cereal if sugar was listed within the first four ingredients. Jah wasn’t allowed to have those either
39:29 – Jah and Seth can’t believe how hot it is in the studio, especially since it’s October and it’s 95 degrees.
52:18 – Seth says there’s no worse panic attack than seeing dudes perform a capella
56:22 – Seth wonders what it would be like to get the three unaired UYD episodes and listen to them while drinking absinthe.
57:26 – Jah was thinking about what it would be like to buy a pair of Crocs today in a weird color and put them away… how many years would it take to pull them out in front of somebody and dangle them out to where the person goes “I completely forgot about those!”
59:48 – Jah promises to find a way of posting a photo of Seth from when he was a child – his mom sent it to the studio wearing a Cowboys shirt
5:21 – When you’re brushing your teeth and washing your hands, Seth informs us that you’re supposed to sing “Happy Birthday” twice
6:56 – Jah reiterates that they did not know the name of the “Nailin’ Paylin” movie from Larry Flynt. Since Quarantine is coming out, Jah says the porn name should be “Pornin’ Teens”
10:32 – Seth asks about the feature on the cell phone that you can press “Ignore” when someone calls. Jah says they know you do this because it automatically routs to voicemail, and thinks it should be changed so they don’t know that
23:35 – Jah lets everyone know that his Facebook page is real, although he is not at the controls of it. He said there is stuff being set up for it over the next few days but it will ultimately be him in control of it
36:13 – Jah thinks he should start saying “Well howdy there Kemosabe” instead of “Smmmokin!!!”
1:03:20 – UYD friend of the show John in Japan got a tattoo on his birthday that Jah thinks is the best tat ever – a tattoo that says UYD: DEAL WITH IT
3:17 – Jonathan gives his Led Zeppelin rendition of “Gotta Whole Lotta Tweens,” then does his impression of Aaron Neville singing “Whole Lotta Love”
4:52 – Seth hasn’t used a Q-Tip since UYD announced that they’re harmful to your ears (Episode 131, 8:53). He wonders if any other UYD listeners stopped using them as well
11:37 – VH1 did the Top 100 Hip-Hop Songs of All Time. Public Enemy’s “Fight The Power” was No. 1. Seth had a dispute with this because he expected Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock’s “It Takes Two” to be way near the top, but it was rated #37. He was mad that “Tha Crossroads” and “Gold Digger” were ranked higher. #2 was “Rapper’s Delight”, #3 was “Nothin’ But A G Thang”, #4 is “Walk This Way”, #5 is “The Message”, #6 is “Straight Outta Compton”, #7 is “Juicy”, #8 is “Gin and Juice”, #9 is “Push It” and #10 is “The Brakes”
25:32 – Seth is wondering what is going on in the back of Jah’s head. Jah is currently twiddling his hair, so it’s created a thick coating going back to the bookshelf. Jah admits that when he twists it, it goes into a horn shape
47:22 – Seth sees a segmen on CNN about a man named “Dave” at a gas station in Portland, who randomly picked a car and told them he’d pay for their gas. All he asked of them was that they “pay it forward.” Seth claims that he managed to use that phrase in like 12 different variations
49:03 – Jah asks that Facebook users would stop “Superpoking” him, because he doesn’t know what it is. He also doesn’t want to be a part of anyone’s Mafia gang or anything else
53:57 – Jah promises some more UYD stuff in the works, including t-shirts, clips on YouTube, etc.
1:02:10 – Seth wants to call Jah “Double R, Double T,” which eventually gets trimmed down to “R2 T2”
1:02:34 – Seth and Jah dip back into the “Kemosabe, whistle, smmmoookin” cat calls
1:05:18 – Jah takes us out with one more hit from his upcoming Aaron Neville/Robert Plant album with “Stairway to Heaven”
0:06 – Jah starts this episode off similarly to Episode 035, when they made fun of crazy podcast intros. Crazy voice distortions at 0:31, 0:44, 0:51 and 2:21 reinforce this
0:18 – Seth informs us that this episode is being sponsored by HBO and its new show “Summer Heights High”
23:51 – Jah thanks Q and Melissa in Tacoma, Washington. They are newlyweds, and their friend Graham turned them on to the show. They made a set of UYD decals that are available on Café Press – Jah’s mom put one on her car
31:47 – Jah says Seth has caused a Q-tip craze with his news report from Episode 131 and his updated from 137 saying he stopped using them. Seth got a message from someone who said his grandma said “never put anything smaller than an elbow in your ear.”
33:28 – Jah talks about Aaron Neville’s rendition of “Silent Night” and proceeds to give us a taste of that track
40:44 – UYD now has its own YouTube channel, youtube.com/uhhyeahdude. The videos will continue to be transferred from The Service Company to YouTube, including old episodes that were filmed that listeners didn’t know about. Jah requests that people should go to the videos and embed them in your Facebook and Myspace pages and subscribe to the channel. Jah also says next week he will give details about where to go on the internet to place orders for UYD t-shirts
0:08 – Jah starts speaking in crazy Crypt Keeper voice that scares the shit out of Seth
0:33 – Seth reiterates the sponsorship of UYD by HBO’s Summer Heights High. Every time Seth and Jah discuss the show Jah refers to it as Michael Keaton’s 1990 thriller “Pacific Heights.”
2:28 – Jah’s friend Dan went to a Summer Heights High premiere party this last weekend and reported that it was very funny
8:20 – Jonathan is drinking an alcoholic beverage tonight. Seth says he drank about a quarter of a 40-ounce Olde English into, then poured a Bartles & James strawberry daiquiri into the OE, which was his rendition of a “Green Machine” recipe given to him from Sonny Levine.
24:42 – Amir observed that on the Xtenz infomercial (first mentioned in Episode 062, 44:46), they got several Eastern European representatives to get paid to say “It got bigger!”
28:57 – The sound cuts out of UYD for about 4 seconds
40:51 – Jah wants to come up with a name for his drink (OE 800 and B&J strawberry daiquiri). Jah settles on “Old Knob Slob.”
56:50 – While making fun of Sarah Palin’s “Joe the Plumber” analogies, Jah comes up with one: “Schneer the Ventriloquist.” He then comes up with another non-name that’s almost a name at 57:59: “Letern at iTunes.” Seth: “Uhh Yeah Dude. Hey this is Letern.” Jah: “And I’m Schneer.” Seth: “Downright Talking with Schneer and Letern.”
0:52 – This episode is again being sponsored by HBO and its new series “Summer Heights High.” Jah and Seth got to watch three episodes of the eight that they received and thought it was hilarious
3:23 – Seth is wearing an Operation Desert Storm t-shirt that Jonathan declares as top-notch
30:43 – In addition to the early Christmas gift Seth got Jonathan, Season 5 of Girlfriends, Seth got Jah another Jahnika present – the complete series, 33 discs, 86 episodes of The Sopranos – it only costs $400
33:00 – Jonathan again promises that there are UYD t-shirts coming (first mentioned in Episode 075). There will be 2 designs in the initial run, one of them being the seatbelt design and the other being the hairy logo on the website mockup. The t-shirts are Alternative Apparel organics, and can go from XXS to XXL
37:39 – Jah announces the new YouTube page for UYD, youtube.com/uhhyeahdude.
0:26 – This episode is once again being brought to us by HBO’s Summer Heights High, which premiered Sunday, Nov. 9
1:18 – Jonathan introduces us to a new term, brocabulary, from a newly released manifesto about dude talk. Here are some terms: friendjamins - $100 bills lent to bros; brostalgia – nostalgia for something you did with your bros; wintercourse – intercourse that occurs during winter; guybernation – spending alone time, a.k.a. pulling a Henry David Thobro; testosterzone – a place men gather to be with other men; chilliards – billiards while chilling with the bros; fellabrating a birthday or a breakup with the bros; brocrastination – killing time with your bros; prebauchery – the bro party before the party; alcopal – a bro you primarily down cold ones with; broverdose – too much time with one of your dogs; hommitment – a date that keeps you from hanging out with the bros; alcofall – a tumble while drinking. At 8:14, Jah requests more brocabulary on this show
27:54 – Someone keeps leaving Seth voicemails while singing the entire Pearl Jam catalog over the course of five months
47:21 – Jah tells us that “flashing your badge” is when a girl bends over and shows you her back-vag
47:48 – More brocabulary: punxatawney jill – a girl out at the bar who is the first one to wear inappropriate-for-winter attire before the spring is officially here
0:42 – The next Friday we will see is Black Friday. Seth has already made plans to sleep over at Jonathan’s dad’s house the night before. They’ll probably hit up the American Girl store after John makes them flapjacks at 4 a.m. Seth will “hit a Circuit City like nobody’s fuckin’ business.”
1:38 – More brocabulary this week: marriagonce – the arrogance from a newly married man; pourizontal – standing or sitting so someone can pour a can of beer in your mouth; cerebro – the bro who does the thinking for you; ESPNvy – a chick’s jealousy over your love for ESPN Sportscenter; PMScalate – a woman escalating an argument because of her PMS; guynamic – the dynamic between bros; stalkward – awkwardness that arises when trying to avoid a girl who keeps calling you; guyamese twins – two bros who are inseparable; dudanym – a name only your bros call you; felladrama – drama between homies
5:39 – Jah wonders if, as the Christmas Creep has each year gotten further and further pushed back, Black Friday’s importance has been tapered
6:35 – For the first time in a long time, Seth tells us that a place where he’s not being gouged is at the pump. Jah says it feels like high school again
41:53 – Jah updates us on UYD t-shirts. He got a good idea on who needs what in preparation of online ordering
54:58 – Seth has asked for people to stop hitting kids and then he asked for them to stop getting them stoned. Now people are letting kids fight each other. Some sites: Tiny Brawlers, Toddler Fights, etc.
0:24 – Jonathan proclaims that this is “Straight Lampin’ With Schneer & Letern.”
4:00 – Jah got a firsthand report of a concert that went down last night in the San Diego area – New Kids On The Block. At this point Seth doesn’t know anymore what is cool, ironic, futuristic, robotic or stale. He’s just lampin’ all the time and doesn’t know what is going on. He can’t tell the difference between MGMT and NKOTB and Pearl Jam and leggings and plaid shirts, etc.
15:48 – Seth says UYD received a voicemail for J-Dog, where the caller said he was up in Café Dumond thinking about him – a place where Jah used to go on Thanksgiving Day and write works
41:54 – This Thursday will be Thanksgiving, during which Seth and Jah have to get downtown early to serve food to homeless people at the House of Blues – where they will be giving an interview to ZZZlist.com. They’re looking forward to some homemade guacamole made by John Larroquette, and are expecting Ben Larroquette (Jah’s brother) to cook the meal since Jah’s mom will not be there.
1:30 – Seth says that 144 episodes is 6 full days worth of episodes, so he suggests downloading everything, doing a full six-day listen and then resting on Sunday
2:28 – Seth asks Jah if he would like to date an Asian beauty, then reads an ad promoting a service to date Asians. “Call Yan today. Yan’s Asian American Matchmaking”
4:04 – Jah apologizes to UYD Nation for the extreme delay in the UYD t-shirts. He claims there is a long postponement with Alternative Apparel due to an injury to the female he was dealing with. He was pushing to have them available by Christmas, which he doubts will happen
9:04 – More brocabulary: If a bunch of bros are broing out and having an awesome time, there’s no reason one of the bros wouldn’t get a broner.
20:45 – Seth is practicing the Mystery Method on the show and throws a neg out: “Is your hair supposed to look like that?” Jah thinks it’s directed toward him and says “It does it sometimes if I twiddle it.”
57:26 – Jah asks if it feels at all like Christmastime to Seth, because it feels so unlike Christmas to Jonathan right now. Seth is slightly feeling it. Jah thinks it’s weird that Seth will not be spending Christmastime with the Larroquettes b/c Seth’s going home to Boston. Most every other year Seth had been with him, except for 2007 when Seth’s mom came to visit LA
0:12 – It’s 11:11 p.m., so Jah asks Seth to make a wish. Seth says it just came true
19:18 – Brocabulary: broa constrictor – a bro who loves to hug and be really touchy. Jah thinks he might be one, and Amir would put him in that category
34:44 – Seth feels like he’s practically being paid to get gas
15:38 – Jah is having a tough time believing Christmas is less than a week away. He feels it much less than any other year
54:24 – Jonathan and Seth recently gave a couple interviews about UYD: the first is on Ro Hurley’s site zzzlist.com (Click Celebs and they’re on the interview page) done Thanksgiving Day at the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip, and another interview was conducted by East Coaster Patrick for his website, Robot Bites Man (click on photo on homepage and go to RBM x UYD interview)
1:02:53 – Seth says UYD will do one more show in 2008, which will be recorded on the day he leaves for Massachusetts to see his family
1:16 – Seth thinks Jonathan should take Seth to the airport, race home and upload the show and then have it up while Seth is in the sky
16:10 – Seth has told us about the 5 Ls (Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning in Los Angeles), but he needs to tell us about the 7 Ps (Proper Prior Planning Prevents a Piss-Poor Performance)
17:56 – Jah calculates that if they’re doing 50 episodes per year that UYD will get to 300 episodes before the Mayan Calendar will run out
25:23 – Seth is flabbergasted at how quiet Priuses are. He was up at Whole Foods and he saw a Prius inches away from hitting his calves and he didn’t know it was behind him because it was so quiet. Jah says you can buy an exhaust sound to go with them that senses when they’re accelerating
51:19 – Jah wonders how intoxicated someone is at .20 BAC, but Seth says no way – anyone blowing a .08 wouldn’t even feel slightly inebriated. Seth thinks it would take 15 beers to be swerving off the road. Seth knows there’s been some times when he’s driven drunk and knew he shouldn’t have been and was like “Let’s get the hands on here.” Jonathan says it’s such an avoidable thing to do, so don’t do it
53:02 – Seth reiterates that he won’t end his Playboy subscription until Hugh Hefner dies. He heard that Hef’s daughter, Christine, the CEO of Playboy, is stepping down next month, so he wonders if that counts. Jah thinks Christine revived the magazine because she let the models start showing pink. Seth thinks that’s Jah’s steez. Seth is also still waiting for his first playmate born in the 90s, which he thought would happen in ’08 but guesses he’ll have to wait until ‘09
1:02:16 – Jah adores the listeners and is so happy this is still going on. He thanks them for continuing to listen, call, e-mail, Myspace, Facebook and everything else. “You guys have made this year—as wack as it was—so dope.”
1:03:43 – Jah thinks UYD needs to keep saying “2006 for life” because they don’t know how to change it on the voicemail greeting
8:00 – Jah wonders is Seth is going to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop starring Kevin James. Seth promises he will see that and Notorious when they both come out on Jan. 16
32:33 – Jonathan’s never been on a cruise. There’s a part of Jah that’s pseudo-interested in taking one, but his fear is that he’ll be in the middle of the ocean and have a full-fledged panic attack
46:40 – Seth has a full panic attack while watching a segment on 20/20 about extreme moms who mother dolls. The babies are called “reborns.” One of the moms is so crazy that she takes the doll out and says “it’s my baby” and other mother is saying “oh she’s sleeping, she’s so cold.” The other mom: “It’s a doll!” They go to reborn conventions, etc. … They also feature moms breastfeeding their 6-year-old child. Jah says that if the kid is 18 years old and still being breastfed, he will pay to watch that on the internet
56:04 – Seth had some great conversations with listeners this week, and Jah received a large amount of Christmas and New Year’s texts. He doesn’t understand how everyone is so funny
1:05:42 – Seth says MTV’s Bromance with Brody Jenner was such a bad show, although it was funny when they all got in the hot tub for elimination. The gay dude quit because he thought he was going to be on The Hills
1:07:21 – Jah gives us another URL to go to – the web address to end all web addresses – uhhyeahdude.com, which he implies will be up and running (it’s not)
2:33 – Jah wonders how many people are named Binaca in the world after the fresh breath spray. Jah says he used to carry Binaca and Seth ponders if one can still purchase that
9:26 – On 60 Minutes, neuroscientists are laying people in CAT scans and showing them images of hammer, barn, igloo, cocaine, bees, dildos, and watching the peoples’ brains when they see the images. They can then have the person think about the certain image and they can tell what they’re thinking about because that part of the brain lights up.
15:39 – UYD is pitching two shows to networks. One is called “So You Think You’re Alive,” an existential reality/discussion show they’re trying to sell to Nova, and then “So You Think You Can Eat,” a competitive eating reality show for Food Network hosted by Dom DeLouise and Kobayashi
22:37 – Seth thinks they should have their own show called “Herda Hadda Herda” where they go into the Halla and just herda-hadda-herda
28:27 – Jah thinks we should lower the driving age to 11, but Seth thinks we should lower the drinking age to 14 and the driving age to 13
28:42 – From now on, whenever someone asks you your age, you reply with the year you are born, and that is forever your age. Jonathan will tell people “’77,” while Seth will lyingly tell people “’84.” Jah’s newest girlfriend is “’97”
41:12 – Seth: “Hey, you get that report? I need that monthly.” Jah: “It’s not finished.” Seth: “It’s not done yet?” Jah: “Nope.” Seth: “What – what have you been up to? I thought you’ve been working on it all morning?” Jah: “Pissmops!!!” (in the same groaning speak as Bigger!! by Xtenz - Episode 062, 44:46). Seth doesn’t think Pissmops is a real website but Jah looks it up on the computer to prove it
45:17 – Jah apologizes for prematurely ejaculating talk about the website last week because there were a few setbacks but they’re super close and it’s going to be up and running any minute
52:02 – Jah has not legitimately laughed at anything for the past 5 years outside of the UYD studio, Tim and Eric’s and seeing the Ween show (Episode 091, 55:11)
59:07 – Seth’s 5 favorite words are Fuck, Man, Uhh, Yeah, Dude, Like (6)
59:39 – Jah gives us some of his old secret beeper codes he would punch in – 143 or 381 means “I love you,” 411 is needing information, 187 means you’re mad at somebody and 911 means emergency. Booty call was 80085 (“boobs”)
1:00:55 – Jah wonders how many words they’ve used on UYD. Seth recommends using Weckware and Jah says to use the Weckulator
1:01:43 – Seth’s porn name is “Bandit Kimble”
1:07:34 – For those complaining about not being able to access old episodes on iTunes, Jah needs more feedback and a solution is going to Podcast Alley and downloading them directly from there or streaming them live
1:39 – Jah thinks it’s remarkable that it’s been 150 episodes of UYD and thanks everyone for listening. He’s pretty stuffed up and apologizes
19:41 – Jah has received pictures from other people who have found the pregnancy tests at 99 Cents stores and sent them. (Episode 143, 23:50) He also received a photo of Seth’s 2-door electric blue 1993 Plymouth Sundance from another UYD listener named Tavis who lives up the block from Seth
39:00 – Jah reads a factoid titled “Strip Club Etiquette” from a periodical. What a strip club isn’t: “First, a strip club is a place to watch live naked girls disrobe. It is not a place to pick up girls or get laid. Nor is it a great place to masturbate or take a first date. The girls are there to make money, period, so if one can convince you she’ll put out to part you and copious amounts of cash, she will put in an Oscar-worthy performance to do so.” Seth calls Jah a strip club aficianado, but Jah says he’s more of an intermediary.
57:03 – Jah says that with 150 episodes up, it’s safe to see we are ultra-close to having the new UYD home up on the internet. He said Nick and Weck and Josiah and Jeff are vehemently working on different aspects of the show to put it out there on the etherweb
1:01:08 – Jah announces he’s going to put a new Jogger song on for the show outro
1:02:12 – Seth thanks the mothers of UYD for all the work they’ve done on the website, flash animations and skyping, etc.
1:03:33 – Seth admits that Simon Cowell from American Idol makes him laugh sometimes. Jah thinks Seth likes him because he’s a bastard
0:36 – Jah and Seth will be drinking Bacardi 151 all night long in honor of Episode 151. The show started late because they talked about life and love and ladies for four hours. Jah: “Ladies, what is it that you want?” They watched What Women Want but it didn’t help them answer any of these questions
1:06 – Seth and Jah announced the long-awaited return of their website, uhhyeahddude.com. Jah officially thanks a few people who were involved with the launch of the new site: Weck (Weck’s Wiki), Nick aka agent (designing the site), Josiah (UYD animation, etc., and Jeff aka 55inch (making videos, many soon to come
31:44 – Seth has a picture of a young Jonathan wearing a suit and his hair is a little long. Jah recalls they were trying to get him to cut the hair because it was touching the collar. Jah thought he was in Def Leppard in that rigout.
51:43 – Seth wonders if Jah has seen the late-night infomercials for Havasu X. 4 years of amateur video taken at the lake. It’s only $30.
1:00:37 – Jonathan brings up the original rule about calling his cell phone – you have to get a friend to subscribe to UYD before you can call him (Episode 084, 2:15)
1:01:00 – Jan announces that Jogger will be flying to Princeton University on midnight on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14. Daedelus will be playing, and Cyne will be playing as well. He invites everyone to come out to it
2:35 – Seth gives an update on the CNBC “As Seen On TV” Tournament (Supplements, Ep. 151). In the semifinals, Shamwow! beat Girls Gone Wild, Foreman Grill beat Bowflex, and Shamwow! beat Foreman Grill for the championship. Seth looked up Vince from the Shamwow! Commercial, and it turns out he made a movie in 1999 called The Underground Comedy Movie, in which he sued Anna Nicole Smith for backing out of it and he sued the Farrely brothers because he claims There’s Something About Mary stole 20 scenes from him. He’s a former scientologist who’s being sued by them, and he’s an actor who worked at Farmer’s Markets selling stuff. He owns both the Shamwow! and the Slap Chop outright; he went to Germany and asked them to make him stuff.
19:19 – While watching the Miss America pageant on TLC (hosted by Mario Lopez), Seth observes that the women wear very unsexy two-piece swimsuits and flesh-colored heels
25:09 – Jah and Seth talk about the lady who had eight kids at once, and now they’re saying she has 6 other kids in addition to those. This leads into a random discussion about Juno, where Jah has to explain what happens at the end of the movie, and Seth freaks out when Jah tells him that Bateman tried to fuck Juno. Jah: “Spoiler Alert!!!”
39:20 – Jah gets excited talking about watching MMA fighter Fedor on HBO’s most recent 24/7 feature about the fight. Jah is super down with this dude. Jah also says he has never seen another company paste their name everywhere the way that Affliction has done within the MMA world. He said every corner of the ring, every turnstile, every seat, was pasted with Affliction. Even the priest that follows Fedor around is wearing an Affliction tee. Jah thinks the word will be so inundated into the lives of babies born from 2010 on that they will all be allergic to the word “Affliction.”
54:11 – Jah doesn’t get the new celebrity dating phenomenon. He’s at a point now where he’s completely flummoxed, because he doesn’t understand where the people are who are producing this stuff, because he knows there are people who eat it up, but he doesn’t personally know any himself. He wonders what compels a person like Brad Pitt to have such a drastic life change as he did. Seth can’t wait to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because he loves seeing the previews when they show his little body
57:00 – Seth dips back into the John Quiñones-hosted show “What Would You Do?” In this week’s episode, they sent in blind people into a bakery and the guy working behind the counter would be like “Yeah, what’s up Helen Keller? Step right up.” He would then hand them incorrect change with their paper money. They also did people dropping stuff at Open Houses and then interviewing the people who would just swipe stuff
0:23 – Seth tells us that this show marks UYD’s three-year anniversary. The first show was recorded on Feb. 10, 2006.
3:06 – Jah says that above and beyond anything else, he thinks The Secret works: Ask, believe, receive. (Episode 052, 0:17)
14:05 – Jah plugs Jogger’s upcoming show on Valentine’s Day with Daedelus and Cyne at Princeton University
26:49 – Jah’s phone is dead because his dog knocked it out of his hands and into a puddle
43:38 – Seth says that the Super Bowl is still not over because they still need to play one last play. If anyone wants to know about his manifesto he will be creating his own Zeitgeist. “When there’s that many blown calls it takes me longer to sift through all of it.”
49:17 – Seth reads a guide from the AARP that includes new hip lingo and definitions. The heading: VLOG, MASHUP, OMG- CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THE KIDS’ LINGO THESE DAYS? READ OUR SICK GUIDE TO YOUNG FOLKS’ SPEAK AND YOU’LL BE TIGHT, TOTES, OBVI! Some examples: Google – to use a search engine, especially Google; IDK – I don’t know; ROFL – rolling on the floor laughing; TMI – too much information; Baby Mama – the mother of one’s children, usually not a spouse; Boo – boyfriend or girlfriend; Cupcaking – engaging in a public display of affection; Scooby Doos – good shoes; noob – a newcomber; peeps – one’s closest friends; crunk – a hip-hop genre; disco nap – a short nap before a night out clubbing; check my vitals – monitor one’s e-mail, cell phone, voicemail and other electronics; floss – to show off wealth, often in a car; rock – to manifest greatness; talk smack – to speak negatively or belittle someone often in the heat of competition; fo shizzle; obvi; the bomb – the ultimate favorite; ridonculous – beyond ridiculous; sick – extremely cool; tight – fantastic; whack – unjustifiable; and badonkadonk – an attractive derriere
0:57 – Seth wants to know if it’s Friday the 13th yet so he can spook Jah at midnight
3:14 – Seth is stoked to go see the upcoming feature film Fired Up!, about Sean and Nick, the star players on their HS football team, who decide to go to cheerleading camp instead of a double session of football camp. They’re having a great time until one of them falls for the head cheerleader, who happens to have a boyfriend. To win her over they have to prove their intentions and make up new moves before the final cheer-off.
11:30 – Seth hands something to Jah that he ripped out of a book he had, which was inscribed from one of Seth’s dad’s friends to Seth’s dad. He asks Jah to read it. The book is “Baby, That Was Rock And Roll: The Legendary Leiber and Stoller.” The inscription reads: Joey: I can dig it, they can dig it, we can dig it. Can you dig it? 12/24/79 Are you ready for the 80s?
37:06 – Jah asks Seth if he’s familiar with Singular City magazine, a hip L.A. singles magazine which Amir gets delivered to his home for some reason.
1:04:55 – Seth thanks the fine people at Sports Illustrated for their annual swimsuit edition. Jah calls it “a doozy of an ish.”
1:06:40 – In these tough economic times, Seth hopes this free podcast will enable people to have UYD Parties
1:08:24 – Seth: “What’s it like to have the shit scared out of you on Friday the 13th?”
0:34 – Jah informs us that hiccupping is when your diaphragm goes into spasms
2:07 – The only water fountains Jah has even touched in three years are the same 2 at the park where he takes his dogs. He uses them to fill up their water bowls. Sometimes he’ll give Norman some Aquafina at home, however.
3:14 – Jah and Seth just got a knock from the other apartment for being too loud because they started so late because Jah messed up with the computer. The knocking persists at 3:29.
6:30 – Seth wonders if they’re going to Mardi Gras, but they’ve decided to go to Jazz Fest this year and Mardi Gras next year. Seth has never been to one but he hopes one day he could go. Jah has been to Mardi Gras.
18:06 – Jonathan is going to Europe for some experimental therapy (really a 3 ½ week Jogger Tour with The Long Lost), and Seth announces that Episodes 157, 158 and 159 will be brought to listeners in their entirety on time – they are “The Lost Episodes” that were recorded before Episode 001 launched. UYD will be back with a fresh episode in 160. Episode 157 will be 90 minutes long, Episode 158 will be 30 minutes long and Episode 159 will be the normal 60-minute length. Seth and Jah listened to them and think they’re very interesting.
27:02 – Seth is wondering if he is supposed to believe that, according to PepsiCo., Will.I.Am is Bob Dylan? Jah likes Will.I.Am and thinks he’s a super nice guy, but thinks that shows an immense amount of disrespect to allow yourself to be compared to someone like that.
28:53 – Seth wants to know what Andy Milonakis is up to
46:21 – Jah is a fan of 50 water (Vitamin Water), but he has a problem with Crystalline Fructose, which he thinks he has a problem with – it gasses him up
47:48 – Seth says that if we listen to closely to 157, 158 and 159, we might hear a different title for these episodes
56:10 – Seth dips back into The Lost Episodes that will be forthcoming. Seth wants the listeners to take it with a grain of salt because it’s the first three times Jah and Seth turned on microphones and just spit heat.
57:19 – UYD just celebrated their 3-year anniversary, and Jah and Seth thank listeners for sending them anniversary cards and Valentine’s Day cards.
59:00 – Seth points out that the amount of UYD downloads has been really high the last couple of weeks, which is awesome.
0:14 – Jah announces this is a farewell episode. Seth says this is a podcast but it’s also like a dance.
10:31 – Seth dips back in to the issue of Pepsi comparing Will.I.Am to Bob Dylan (Episode 155, 27:02). Upon further review, Seth doesn’t even know who Will.I.Am is.
27:53 – Seth re-explains that Episode 157 will be a 90-minute episode, Episode 158 is a 30-minute episode and Episode 159 is a 60-minute episode — all test-run shows that they recorded back in 2006 prior to Episode 001 — as Jah goes on a 3-week tour in Europe with Jogger and The Long Lost. Jah and Seth hope we’re down with them because they’re interesting.
48:11 – The audio of the show appears to get completely cut off after Jah says “It’s a city!” and then resumes with a different news item.
51:00 – Seth is wondering why young girls are so slutty these days. Jah explains that the same girl that got fingered under the bleachers when they were in high school are now the girls letting dudes film them in a little porn with a camera phone.
56:52 – Seth thinks that if you get the best version of yourself in Heaven, Seth will roll in with his 1977 Chevy Cheyenne listening to UYD episodes on cassette tape while Jah has to dub them down every week.
0:00 – The recording begins with Seth saying he’s going to go to QVC to buy something. This lost episode was originally recorded on Sunday, Jan. 7, 2006.
3:55 – Seth wants Jah to perform the “Fag Test” on him right now, and Seth explains what it is (Episode 061, 49:05): You hold your wrist out, and Scott House takes a pencil and digs it onto your wrist until it punctures the skin, and if you pull your wrist away from his hand before the skin breaks, you’re a fag.
8:54 – Secret Service codes: Hilary Clinton – Evergreen; Mammy Eisenhower – Springtime.
16:33 – Seth explains that 26-inch rims are called Deuce McAllisters because Deuce wears No. 26 for the New Orleans Saints (Episode 009, 9:20).
17:50 – Jah lists off all the forms of medicine for indigestion, hearburn, stomach gas, etc. (Episode 003, 34:00).
21:54 – Jah is down with the name Preston because that’s his middle name
40:53 – Seth wonders what the name of Alan Cumming’s cologne is (Episode 073, 31:04).
57:22 – Jah goes over the Yoplait Yogurt campaign “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09)
1:04:39 – Jah gives the original name of UYD, “The Jesus & John Show.”
1:11:00 – Seth claims they technically haven’t done a show because the inaugural show is coming up. Jah doesn’t think anyone is ever going to hear this, because they just needed to hear their own gay voices to test it out.
1:27:03 – Jah and Seth decide to call it quits since they’re at 90-something minutes at 1:42 a.m. Jah: “I’m gonna stop this and we’re going to listen back to it and no one’s going to ever hear it.”
0:11 – Jah calls this “Jesus and John, Episode 2, 12:41 a.m. on Jan. 21.” This is also Jah’s mother’s birthday
6:19 – Seth wonders if he could look any more awkward the first time he’s ever been on the mic. Jah says they’re both using microphones this week.
32:54 – Seth said they didn’t have much material and they tried their best, but they were both very tired going into this recording. Jah wonders if they just started again, would it be funnier? Jah says it would be smoother, not necessarily funnier, but it would allow them to know where they’re going to go next. After Seth confirms they did 30 minutes, the show ends abruptly.
0:39 – Jah shocks us by telling us this is being recorded on March 24, 2009 – giving us a fresh episode instead of a lost episode as there had been the previous two weeks
4:45 – Questions that came up in the time since Jah has been gone: 1) The pronounciation of Tempe, Ariz.; 2) Is it middle school or junior high; 3) What’s the deal with Catnip?
10:03 – Seth is so glad Jah’s back because he appreciates the perspective on human nature, psyche, etc., that J-Dawg adds to the show’s element.
15:07 – Seth and Jah announce that they have premium quality UYD t-shirts on sale. Seth describes that it feels like your favorite t-shirt. The shirts are Alternative Earth 100% organic cotton. The design is the hair logo, created by artists/friends of the show Kozy and Dan. Jah says the information will be up soon. Jah wore one of the shirts in Europe. He thinks it’s more awkward for J-Dawg to wear it because it’s a little more obvious by the design that it’s him on the shirt. He also doesn’t know if it’s OK to wear a Jogger t-shirt since it’s his own band. J-Dawg’s dad and mom both own shirts and Jah’s mom might be handling some of the phone ordering, so they caution not to be rude as some voicemail callers can tend to be.
35:01 – Seth notes that the day Jonathan left the country, the word “twitter” started being said nonstop for three weeks and wouldn’t stop. Jah said someone texted him “Twitter is Facebook for minimalists,” which he thought was funny. When Seth told his father about that, his father got really mad at him.
50:33 – Seth tells us we might have thought we were getting the third lost episode, but they are fully back.
1:09:45 – Jah says that Daedelus and Jogger have an EP that’s out, and you can buy a t-shirt designed by Kozy and Dan and get the six-song EP for free – the EP is titled Friends of Friends.
20:02 – Jah has been out of the country for a while and he wants to know how Jimmy Fallon’s late night show is doing, which forces Seth to sit down.
28:29 – Jah wonders if the economic situation with this country is actually as bad as he thinks when he gets these random pangs inside of him.
31:48 – Seth wonders what déjà vu is, and Jah explains that it is while experiencing something, your brain misfires and tries to file something that’s supposed to be in your short-term memory into your long-term memory.
1:00:15 – Seth proposes an idea for buying UYD t-shirts: buy a t-shirt for the person who turned you on to UYD
57:55 – Jah apologizes and tells us one last time that the t-shirts are actually up this time. He claims his job is done, he has handed everything over and it is happening
1:02:26 – Seth wants to know what porn sites Jonathan would recommend, Jah says that girls go to Uporn and guys go to Pornhub. Jah says girls like to J.O. to amateur porn because it actually has the ability to arouse them vs. shitty produced porn.
1:04:14 – Seth is upset that he got dragged down into the mud for announcing the t-shirts, even though it was completely J-dawg’s fault
5:38 – Seth wants to know what’s up with English people and their shitty teeth and bad dental hygiene. Jah explains that they have free public healthcare so people don’t pay for orthodontic work
11:11 – Seth isn’t sure how you establish how two 15-year-olds are in a committed relationship. From his past experience, he would look into a beautiful woman’s eyes and they would have one malted with two straws. Seth: “I don’t know what the kids do now.” Jah: “They cum on their face.”
11:40 – Seth wants to know if it’s “yard sale” or “garage sale.” Jah says “garage sale.” Seth thinks it’s “yard sale” because he didn’t grow up with a garage. Jah throws in “rummage sale” for good measure.
46:18 – Radio ads featuring plumber Mike Diamond say “we guarantee our plumber will show up on time and smell good.” Is Seth to believe that if he thumbed through the Yellow Pages and saw a plumber who didn’t demand such par excellence, will they smell like shit?
52:26 – Jah and Seth are thankful for the influx of t-shirt orders and more are soon to be in stock – both white and black. They weren’t anticipating getting swamped with orders. They thanked everyone who donated to the show as well.
1:05:59 – Jah announces that he’s going to Coachella, and he’s going to put a condom and sunblock on before he goes
4:20 – For their next episode, Episode 164, UYD will be doing a free live show on Saturday, May 2, from 11 p.m. to midnight, at Improv Olympic West, 6366 Hollywood Blvd., at the Andy Dick Black Box Theater. You enter on Cosmo. They have a bar in the lobby, where there will be $3 Pabst Blue Ribbons. There’s no parking anywhere near the place, save for valet, so UYD suggests that you carpool
9:35 – Seth suggests that he and Jah should buy a bar and call it “Uhh Yeah Bar.” It would be more low-key with a patio to smoke, a chill bar and an overall great place to just lamp and discuss sociogeopolitical issues.
11:12 – Jah might be getting sick but that might just be because of the information he gets hit with when discussing news. Seth says that it’s perfect for him to get sick now because he’ll bounce back by the end of the week and be ready to go by Saturday night for the live show.
12:13 – Seth wants to know if Hugh Jackman is bona fide queer. Jah thinks it’s an unfair assumption just because he likes showtunes. Seth thinks it’s official because Jackman is 40 years old and the reigning Sexiest Man Alive, yet his wife is 15 years older than him and their kids are adopted.
16:10 – This week’s show is brought to you by R&D Kitchen
16:33 – Seth wants to know why bands are reissuing old albums but they’re not making new ones. He’s referring specifically to Pearl Jam and their re-release of Ten (1991). Jah doesn’t have a problem with it because he loves the record.
38:26 – Jah missed out on Earth Day Wednesday and thought it was always supposed to fall on a weekend.
1:00:45 – It just hit Seth that the end of this show is near and the next time they do this show it won’t be in the friendly confines of Hobart Blvd., it’ll be on Hollywood Blvd., where dreams are made and broken. They will be amongst friends, which will be a wonderful feeling. They did some pre-pro on the Andy Dick Black Box Theater, and it will be an intimate setting. The first 2 or 3 rows will likely need plastic sheets. One way or another, you’re getting wet. You can’t drink in their theater so you’ll have to do so beforehand.
1:06:12 – Jah updates the UYD t-shirts situation, and says there will probably be some on sale at the show next week.
0:17 and 0:31 – The audience laughter in the background reveals that this is indeed a live UYD show
0:24 – Seth didn’t know if Jah could smoke in the theater so he brought him some Camel Snus for him. The tagline – “Your cigarettes might get jealous.”
1:32 – Jah wonders if everyone can hear them OK, because he finds it ridiculous that they’re holding microphones that aren’t amplified to the people in front of them.
3:56 – Seth asks Jah that if he were one of the states that didn’t have Swine Flu, would they feel like they were left out of the mix? Jah wants to know what Swine Flu is, because he doesn’t think he needs to worry about it. He thinks he had it for 24 hours.
8:34 – Jah hasn’t given any thought to what they’re doing for Prom, but after Seth tells him the theme is Hawaiian leis, Jah says he’s in.
17:58 – Seth wants to know if people use Classmates.com. Jah says no way.
18:31 – This show is brought to you by Facebook.
53:47 – After listing off the other podcasts that are featured on iTunes (Adam Carolla, Prairie Home Companion and Onion News Network) along with UYD, Jah and Seth bump it and get a round of applause.
0:53 – Jah comes in with some crazy voice distortion that repeats 6 times with Seth saying “Hallelujah” toward the end. It finally wraps up at 2:10.
2:21 – Seth and Jah thank everyone who turned out for the live show, and Jah says they had a good time and they’re going to do it again.
13:08 – Seth shares a birthday with Ted Neeley (Sept. 20), who was in the original cast of Hair and was also Jesus Christ Superstar
49:43 – Seth wonders if it’s crazy for colleges to allow co-ed dorm rooms
50:23 – Seth thinks “All Star” by Smashmouth should be UYD’s theme song (Episode 070, 44:18).
52:08 – Jah has a panicked reaction to the picture Seth holds up of the woman who had the face transplant, Connie Culp, who was shot in the face in 2004 by her husband, who also shot himself in the face and lived.
59:46 – Seth’s pit type is not Sensitive, Hairy or Sweaty – he’s going to create his own.
1:01:02 – Last week’s live show was shot with 3-camera Hi-def film and they will be getting footage of it out to UYD nation.
1:03:48 – On iTunes, Seth observed that UYD was featured at No. 4, then slid off the featured list and came back on.
0:14 – The episode kicks off with the winning rendition of the Smashmouth/UYD “All Star.” The lyrics are as follows: Somebody once told me that Jah was gonna school me / Seth has too much stuff in his head / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of “UYD” on her forehead / Well the stories start coming and they don’t stop coming / Back to the mics and they hit the ground running / Doesn’t make sense so they both make fun / Your brain gets scared and your head gets dumb / So much to say so many peeds / So make sure you don’t take the back streets / You’ll always laugh if you download / You’ll never get sick of this show / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold / It’s a cool show and it only gets bolder / It’s sitting right now in your iTunes folder / And all the episodes tend to differ / They’ve even had a few that had HD picture / Some stuff’s out, and some stuff’s in / The weather’s getting warm, can you show me the twins? / My world’s gone crazy how about yours / At least with UYD I know I’ll I never get bored / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold / Somebody once asked Jah to spare some change for gas / He had no pants and crack cocaine on his face / Jah said yep, buddy you bet / You’re legit as far as I can tell / And I’ve got more than just a little change / Well the stories start coming and they don’t stop coming / Back to the mics and they hit the ground running / Doesn’t make sense so they both make fun / Your brain gets scared and your head gets dumb / So much to say so many peeds / So make sure you don’t take the back streets / You’ll always laugh if you download / You’ll never get sick of this show / Hey now you’re a Podcast, get your talk on, its great / Hey now, have you heard this, put the show on, get laid / And all that’s crazy is told / Only Seth and Jonathan could be so bold … Jah can’t keep up with the karaoke machine and fades out by the second verse.
4:28 – Jah is wearing Bugle Boy jeans in the studio right now. Jah used to get panic attacks from the Bugle Boy commercials.
37:35 – Seth wants to know what’s up with all the electronic billboards he’s seeing around time. He saw one that had a picture of a baby with grandparents announcing the birth of their first grandchild. Jah thinks it came out right before the economic crisis, and it was supposed to be featuring cool movies but instead it’s more like public access TV.
47:58 – Jah believes that we are in a phase where shit has totally shifted and changed, and we have moved to a new way of how we see and receive information and entertainment – but we’re still in this nether-region where there are people who have had a job for a long time where they’re giving us something we think we need to see and hear – but there’s no need for them anymore. There’s a dead world hovering around us, but it’s effect has been lessened so much that it doesn’t exist and it’s sort of already over.
1:02:49 – Jah thanks listener John for submitting the Smashmouth lyrics.
1:03:48 – Jah says he’s going to have to with a different t-shirt for XXLs because of the large neckhole
0:29 – Jah asks Seth if, when he pulls up to a gas station and during a transaction asks for $20 on No. 2 and puts in his gas, around what numerical price does the pump come to a grinding halt and trickle out the last 50 cents? Seth doesn’t have patience for that and packs it up. Jah thinks it exists exactly for this purpose, so people will just give it up and leave, giving the gas companies more profit.
8:48 – Seth reads some of the comments that accompany a Peoplemagazine.com report about Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper being an item — Brenda Bilger: Why does everyone want to hook Jennifer up? LOL. Jen will be fine, and she’d make a great mom. Maybe she’ll adopt and give some adorable lucky little one a good home. Maybe that’s God’s plan. Who knows? Good luck on whatever life brings you, Jen. I too went through a divorce. I’m 40, I’m single and I’m happy. You’ll be fine. Believe me. … Jenny Oliva Rados: Jen deserves a good man. She’s such a sweet woman. Some day her prince will come. I’m sure of it. … Debra: I think she should go out with Michael Vartan from Alias. I think they’d make a beautiful couple with beautiful kids. He’s down to earth, loves animals and has his own money. Jen should go for him, he’s so much better than Brad. … Anna: No. I think the perfect man for Jen would be John Stamos. They share Greek heritage. He was born August 19, 1963, which makes him a Leo, she was born February 11, 1969, which makes her an Aquarius. Great match for the two of them. … Sarah: She’ll find her knight in shining armor. Trust. Seth explains that these were only a few of 700 comments left on the website.
16:01 – Jah recommends that UYD listeners rent the documentary Chicken Hawk, about a creepy pedophile and NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association).
24:29 – Jah doesn’t think there’s a single thing that he’s learned in this world that he learned from somebody else.
32:12 – Jonathan references their boy Patrick from Robot Bites Man (Episode 146, 54:24), who interviewed UYD several months ago.
39:43 – Seth wonders if it’s time to update the sexual metaphors with bases in baseball. Jah says that it should be kept in the baseball realm, but first base should be oral – minimum fingering. Seth thinks first base should be above the waist.
1:00:48 – Seth asks about the UYD t-shirts, Jah says there’s a crazy debacle with the companies they’re using. He has to wait for another shipment because they’ll sell out too fast if he puts up what he has now. He promises new graphics on new shirts.
3:37 – Seth’s mother is having a yard sale this weekend and Seth wishes her good luck, even though she’s selling everything for $1.
19:15 – Seth gives a summer warning for people to watch out for peeds in and around ice cream trucks. Jah wonders if anyone else has mobile lunch trucks like they do in L.A. (Korean BBQ, Taco, Vegan, etc.)
1:05:56 – Uhh Yeah Dude has been pinballing around the iTunes rankings. They escalated as high as No. 3 and then fell off the top 15; however, they were up to No. 38 this week for total downloads, which is really high — possibly the highest they’ve been.
6:05 – An Incredible Hulk is 2 shots of Hpnotiq and 2 shots of Hennessy. Jah explains that they taste like human sweat but they get you extremely hammered. Jah technically only had a single, which Seth labels a “Bruce Banner.”
33:17 – UYD T-shirts will be on the website next week. There will be both black and white shirts
35:40 – Jah hasn’t logged into Myspace for a very long time. Every once in a while he begrudgingly logs in because he feels bad that he asked people to go there for so long.
36:15 – Jah isn’t smoking on the show anymore but he has congestion nonetheless
46:00 – The name of Seth’s autobiography is Metabolism for Pornography. Chapter 6 is entitled “UYD.”
46:10 – Seth was watching a funeral in Ohio for a clown that passed away. The pallbearers were all clowns, and everyone standing around the casket were clowns, and it was pretty scary for him watching it.
1:05:17 – UYD continues to bounce around the iTunes rankings, which Seth can’t make much sense of.
1:06:38 – The Integratron is a dome-shaped structure constructed out of plywood and fiberglass by George van Tassel. He built the structure in Landers, Calif., as a “rejuvenation machine,” supposedly following instructions provided by visitors from the planet Venus. Van Tassel was a former aircraft mechanic and flight inspector who moved out to California’s Mojave Desert to operate an airport and inn. During his time there he supposedly began meditating under a giant rock which the Native Americans of the area held to be sacred. In August of 1953 van Tassel claimed that he had been contacted both telepathically and later in person by the Nusians, who gave him the technique to rejuvenate human cell tissues. Van Tassel, acting on these instructions, began constructing the Integratron in 1954. Construction costs were paid for by an annual series of successful UFO conventions, the Giant Rock Spacecraft Conventions, which continued on for nearly 25 years. Van Tassel was clearly inspired by early 1950s contactee George Adamske. Construction was supposedly complete in 1959 but van Tassel continued to make minor modifications until his sudden death in 1978. The Integratron, despite being built without nails, survived a magnitude of 7.3 earthquake in 1992. The workings of the Integratron, according to van Tassel, supposedly rely chiefly on two principles. The principle involves the occult sacred geometry of domes, and their ability to concentrate mystical energies within the earth. The Integratron is also said to be constructed atop a powerful energy vortex. According to adherents of this belief, the dome shape naturally concentrates the energy of the vortex for the benefit of users. Also, the building is said to borrow design cues from the Tabernacle of Moses and the King’s Chamber of the Great Pyramid of Giza – both of which were thought by some occultists to have similar energy-focusing properties. The second part of the theory centers around the belief that human beings are truly electrical in nature. It is believed that though each individual has a unique personal wavelength, the multiple wavelengths of energy put out by “focusing and concentrating devices” such as the Integratron will find a resonance with individuals’ basic harmonic frequency and recharge his cellular structure as if he were a battery. After Van Tassel died there was a proposal to turn the Integratron into a disco but these plans were never realized. The new owners now operate it as a tourist attraction, allow scientific studies of the structure and promote the unusual practice of a “sound bath.” During a sound bath groups of people are exposed to harmonic sound frequencies produced by quartz bowls. This is said to have a deep calming effect. The Integratron website claims it is the only all-wood acoustically perfect sound chamber in the U.S.
0:58 – UYD is coming to us on battery power.
4:13 – Seth saw a picture of his good friend Barack Obama on Air Force One with a cell phone in a holster on his belt.
5:24 – Jah tells us that both black and white t-shirts are at the printers as we speak
38:56 – Jah brings up the act of using a loved one’s ashes to make a tattoo in the likeness of the person (Episode 040, 46:44). Jah pledges to get one made of Seth when he dies.
58:01 – In order to get t-shirts, you have to go to uhhyeahdude.com. Jah will possibly force buyers to join the forums in order to order them, because he wants people there in case he wants to contact people.
59:51 – Jah wonders if Seth has ever had sex in a gym, but he says no. He’d do it in a tanning bed though.
0:56 – Seth can’t believe it’s already June 19 and wonders where the year has gone
19:13 – UYD is getting reports back from agents in the field of Jamie Foxx showing up in people’s laundry baskets, garage door openers and the Matrix. He is you and you are he.
25:47 – Jah and Seth went to a guy named Winter’s website, who has documented his visits to 9,094 Starbucks locations internationally (8,430 in North America). Jah was familiar with basically every one Winter had visited in greater Los Angeles.
52:53 – Seth throws out a disclaimer for the 98% of UYD listeners who aren’t vegetarians for going off on Jonathan for giving it up so casually. Seth just equates it to claiming you simply jerked off a dude last week.
57:26 – Jah explains the concept of “sharking” – a fad of people in Japan, where dudes jerk off and right before they ejaculate they run up to a stranger at a bus stop and splooge in their faces.
1:00:46 – Jonathan thinks aliens live among us. He thinks here is there.
1:02:40 – Jah allows Seth to give a t-shirt update. They are being delivered tomorrow and they can start taking orders on them soon. Jah just wants to take pictures of them so he can have them up on the website. He says there’s exclusively girls’ sizes and then on up from there. Jah is super stoked about the product they have, and Seth promises that everyone who wants a T shall have a T.
1:04:48 – Seth wonders if he should try fish (not Phish). Jah thinks maybe, in certain circumstances. Jah thinks he may have to do more research on where the fish is coming from, etc.
32:15 – Jah wonders how long before Pizza Hut changes its name to “Da Hut,” and Seth thinks it will eventually be “Da Butt.” (Episode 032, 45:08)
57:53 – Jah plugs the new t-shirts again. They’re so soft and comfortable and people love them.
1:08:31 – Jah ends the show with a joke: Do you know what Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson have in common? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys.
19:42 – Jonathan references Google ads through Gmail (Episode 157, 11:46).
20:00 – Jonathan references digiscrapping (Episode 008, 29:23; Episode 028, 7:27).
33:24 – Seth saw a commercial for Ore Ida crispy fries, and the motif of the ad was “Stand and Deliver.” One person is holding an extra crispy Ore Ida French fry that is fully erect with ketchup on the tip and ready to be eaten. The other guy is holding his drippy, tiny uncircumcised French fry.
43:39 – Seth and Jah string a bunch of herda-hatta-herdas together.
47:58 – Seth drives a 1993 Plymouth Sundance and he wants nothing more than a Marauder with tinted windows.
1:03:53 – If you go to the website, there’s a new button called “Media,” which is a new offering. There’s an 18-minute long video of things Seth recorded on his home VCR. Jah pledges new t-shirt designs as well.
0:38 – There have been a lot of tech issues this week, with listeners being unable to download the last couple episodes. As of last check, Jah declares that the episodes are downloading fine. He also says that people are getting the new shipment of t-shirts.
8:27 – Seth wants to know what happened to Craig Kilborn. The last time Jah saw him was in Old School, which he accidentally refers to as Knocked Up. Jah thinks he’s an asshole and that’s why he hasn’t gotten any work.
20:59 – Seth says UYD is thinking about doing a live show in Brooklyn, N.Y., in August, but if they’re going to do it they need a head count on how many bodies will be there. Those interested in seeing the live show in Brooklyn need to call the UYD voicemail (888-842-2357) and express interest.
22:12 – Jah and Seth dip back into the UYD tech issues. Amir couldn’t download 172 or 173 and called Jah to complain, yet Seth got a hundred voicemails saying they loved the show. Seth also plugs the 18-minute montage video that he created that was put up under the “Media” tab on the website.
23:47 – UYD busted out on iTunes this week and before Seth knew it, they were getting phone calls telling them they were the 19th-most downloaded comedy podcast.
1:06:34 – UYD t-shirts are so soft. Grown men are wearing them and sending proof of it via photos to Jah.
1:32 – Seth has apparently been watching some Goodfellas because he starts talking like an East Coast Italian.
19:46 – Seth references his childhood friend, Peter Martellucci (Episode 037, 41:31; Episode 106, 33:58; Episode 131, 13:42).
20:34 – Last week Seth requested people to call the voicemail to gauge how many people could come to an East Coast show in August, and they got several calls. Those who haven’t called should continue to call and express their interest.
22:04 – Jah said the UYD tech issues should be all cleared up, now that all the audio hosting is going through uhhyeahdude.com. Jah profusely thanks Tavis and Nick for getting this up and running.
39:59 – Jah wants to get back to brass tacks and asks if jerking off to porn is cheating on a significant other. Seth thinks so. Jah thinks all bets are off if the female is in the room with them and approves of it. Jah is willing to accept it if he entered into a relationship and the girl didn’t want him to look at porn because it’s cheating.
1:01:38 – Seth says that obviously if UYD had the resources it would do shows in Philly, Chicago, D.C., Boston, etc. In the meantime they’re trying their best.
1:02:50 – Computer security expert Tadayoshi Kohno of the University of Washington published a paper in the July issue of Neurosurgical Focus that questions if steps need to be taken for the future possibility of hackers someday being able to take over other people’s brains, because researchers have developed technology that makes it possible to use thoughts to operate computers, wheelchairs, etc., at basic introductory levels. As neural devices become more complicated and as scientific research develops these systems to become more specific, dynamic and ultimately wireless, brain hackers need to be taken more seriously. These neuralcentric devices are innovating at such a rapid rate that hackers could eventually commandeer deep brain stimulators or electrode systems. As with all tech, bugs or malfunctions are always going to be present, and hackers will always be able to distinguish and then misuse or abuse these miniscule little mistakes.
3:02 – If you’re still having technical issues with CFISD, Jah doesn’t know what else to say except they’re getting fewer and farther between
7:31 – Last week Jah asked Seth what kind of soy yogurt he was eating, and Jah wondered if it was Stonyfield Farm. Seth didn’t know at the time but this week reveals that it’s Whole Soy, cherry flavor.
8:08 – Seth wonders if Jah has ever heard of the band The Tragically Hip. Supposedly they’re the biggest band ever from Canada and Seth can’t believe he hasn’t heard of them if that’s true.
23:36 – Seth recalls when UYD tried to register for pickup lines and they signed Jah up for a monthly charge but never sent him one (Episode 093, 1:23, Episode 094, 1:01:44). Jah says the only pickup line that works is just going straight in and introducing yourself. Otherwise you better know something awesome about whatever they’re looking at or doing or buying, which means you need to listen to UYD because they know everything awesome about everything. Then you’re in. Dudes have figured it out who have been listening to UYD for three years.
45:41 – UYD is still figuring things out for an August or September show in New York City.
56:02 – Seth is curious about the user comments that appear under news stories on the internet, and how some commenter tries to make a connection to a person or place mentioned in the local story. He recalls one dude posting that Kurt Wild messed his sandwich up when he was researching the Subway story (Episode 132, 29:01).
1:00:19 – Seth wonders if he’s the only person left in this country that leaves voicemail messages. Jah thinks you can call your cell phone provider and get voicemail removed from your plan, even though it’s hard to do. Jah says people leave horrific messages nowadays, whereas Seth leaves detailed messages. Seth leaves messages for people, and they’ll just hit him back with a call without checking the message to see what he was calling about.
4:39 – Jah brings up a topic that means a lot to a lot of people in his life right now – polyamorous lifestyles. It’s ethical non-monogamy, devotees engaging in intimate relationships with more than one person simultaneously. It is based on knowledge and consent of all parties involved. The movement includes recently published books, local get-togethers, poly podcasts and an online magazine called Loving More. Jah claims that this doesn’t work – you can have deep meaningful relationships while maintaining other ones but at a certain point, it becomes too hard to not turn the creep corner.
39:19 – Seth asks Jah if he’s ever heard of eating Vaseline for a sore throat.
1:09:51 – Jah understands that all Skittles are now gelatin free and don’t have ground-up calves hoofs in them. He can now eat them again as a good vegetarian.
1:10:42 – UYD will have definitive details by next week regarding their New York live show.
1:12 – Seth wishes Jonathan a happy 32nd birthday
24:30 – UYD announces their upcoming live show in New York, at the Public Assembly in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn on Saturday, Oct. 17.
31:57 – Jah is chewing Dentyne Ice, and we can hear the crinkling of the wrapper.
43:01 – DayWannaCumAlot is Jonathan’s Native American name
48:22 – Brinks Home Security is now Broadview, and they have a shitty new commercial on to introduce it, showing a guy sitting in his Chevy Cobalt and then going apeshit, kicking down a door, etc.
54:46 – Jah reads an ad about Southern California’s Premiere 3D/4D Fetal Ultrasound Experience. The slogan is “Here’s Looking at You, Baby.” If you bring the ad in when you get your ultrasound, you get a free tote bag with your ultrasound image on it.
1:04:32 – Seth wonders why people put emphasis on the wrong syllable when they say things: “I was watching the TV,” “I went to eat at Taco Bell,” etc. (Episode 016, 34:13).
1:05:36 – Seth once again plugs the live UYD show at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, N.Y. on Oct. 17.
1:06:06 – Jah promises new t-shirts coming through and some new designs as well.
4:06 – Jah references the Pepsi Jazz ad (Episode 034, 0:26).
5:52 – Jah knows how a sitcom work week works, because he’s a lot kid (Episode 066, 13:41).
10:37 – Jah wonders if Seth has noticed that he’s using a new microphone right now. Seth says it looks great, but he’s not jealous because he loves his own mic so much.
39:00 – Jah says he’s never done a self-portrait photo, then corrects himself and says he has – but not in public. Seth insists Jah has done it in public or at least in an alley.
42:56 – Seth wants to start a new segment called Jonathan’s Tweets
44:39 – Seth is surprised that Obama is still alive, shooting hoops at the White House.
58:33 – Jah plugs their live show on Oct. 17 in Brooklyn’s Public Assembly. If you are traveling, need to see the show and need to guarantee entry into it, do so via the link next to the airplane on the website. While Jah is telling this he wonders how his balls and cock look in their “moose knuckle” form right now.
1:04:00 – Jah says they talked a few weeks ago about the girl who stabbed her boyfriend who was jerking off to porn on the couch, which sparked a debate on the forums about whether or not that’s cheating. Jah says that in a relationship, there may be some merit to having the only porn being viewed done so mutually. Doing it in secret is more shady because it causes mad problems in people’s relationships.
1:22 – Seth says it’s incredibly hot in the studio right now
8:29 – Seth is creeped out by the Avatar trailer, but he figured J-dawg would be down with it.
22:10 – Jah asks Seth how many people he knows who still steal cable. Seth doesn’t know anyone but Jah says it’s still fully do-able. Seth says it’s OK if you do it from Time Warner, which Jah and Seth both declare the “worst company ever.”
22:30 – Jah received notification that AT&T has full service at Burning Man (Episode 012, 53:20, Episode 081, 19:58). Seth says Burning Man has its own post office as well. There are daily flights in and out of San Francisco going to Burning Man.
43:26 – Jah says he is sweating more than he has in this apartment ever. He wonders if it happens every year, Seth confirms this.
44:18 – Seth plugs the live show on Oct. 17 in Brooklyn’s Public Assembly. If you plan on going, please RSVP via the UYD website. Jah says this is because they’re not selling tickets and they’re keeping it gangster. Since there will be free alcohol at the show, it will be a 21-and-over ONLY show. There was nothing they could do about that because it is being sponsored by myopenbar.com. However, Jah says if underage people will be in the area, they will try to accommodate them in any way they can.
58:08 – Phrases typed into some type of a search engine where UhhYeahDude.com became the final destination: LABlowjobStories.blogspot.com … Oh so tough economic times … Holla back for a dope cock … Yo dog, you dead dog … Bruce cocked … Boner rage … Leaky boners … Fat Val Kilmer … Lesbiamis … Herda hatta herda … Cum on a bible … Fucking a warm melon … The white man calls her flute playing wind … Cold Stone forearms … Jesus Christ walks into a bar … Mystic Tan panic attacks … Teens getting fucked in their sleep … Who shouldn’t take ecstacy? … Wife not interested in cock.
1:03:01 – Seth marvels at Episode 181 being a palindrome. He was the Class of 1991 and he remembers learning that during an assembly.
1:05:00 – Seth tells listeners that if they happen to call the UYD voicemail, not to do it while driving with the windows down and yelling numbers with sirens wailing in the background.
0:49 – This episode of Uhh Yeah Dude is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. If you go there you will get 50% off every item in the mix. This is an adult website, a distributor of adult themed products. If you type in UYD in the offer code when you check out, you’ll get several free items. Seth calls it a UYDildo. Jah believes he beat off to a couple Adam and Eve catalogs when he was younger.
4:07 – Seth: “Trying to explain what Burning Man is to someone who has never been to the event is a bit like trying to explain what a particular color looks like to someone who is blind.” (Episode 012, 53:20) … Jah says he was supposed to leave tonight to go out to Burning Man.
12:10 – Times used to be different – if you were in trouble you’d grab a cop or a mailman. You can’t even grab a security guard because they’re convicted felons. Jah thinks you have to grab a Guardian Angel with a red beret and boots.
34:32 – Jah thinks he needs to go back to school in some capacity. There’s so much he’s interested in that he’s not smart enough to do on his own. Seth thinks this would never happen because some girl would look at him during class and 10 minutes later he’d be in her dorm room boning down and talking about vegan sauerkraut.
35:47 – Seth has been doing a lot of thinking. He says basically any boy from age 7 or 8 to about age 17 is going to kill him. He sees kids in Jamba Juice and can tell they don’t like him. Jah says “they love me.” Seth wonders if the reverse is true for females, and Jah says older females are looking to the young girls for fashion tips, but they simultaneously want to eradicate all of them.
38:59 – Seth plugs the live show in Brooklyn, N.Y., in Public Assembly on Saturday, Oct. 17. Jah encourages people to RSVP and look for a response e-mail.
43:39 – UYD again plugs AdamandEve.com. Jah saw some prostate massagers in there that looked pretty aggressive.
1:50 – This episode of UYD is sponsored by AdamandEve.com and there is a banner ad for it on the homepage. Seth wanted to contact Adam and Eve to find something slightly more tasteful so that when their parents logged on the website they wouldn’t see a vag and ass staring them in the face. … If you type in UYD in your checkout code you get 50% off any item. … Jah says that the combo of the banner ad and the UYD slogans refreshing atop it were pretty much awesome.
19:26 – Jah says UYD nation has people pledging as they speak. He’s been getting texts about it. Seth warns people not to do stupid shit.
21:05 – This Sunday, the 20th is Seth’s birthday. Seth wants to know if he’s shaving off 7 years or 5 years. Seth says it’s 7 for him and 5 for Jah, so he’s turning 29 this Sunday.
25:01 – Jah is wearing an Oxford University t-shirt. Sometimes he gets asked if he went there and once he said yes.
27:57 – Jah wants to know what’s up with young girls working in places like Jamba Juice, Cold Stone, etc. with cuts on their arms.
32:02 – UYD plugs their live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, NY.
41:55 – Seth has a question about wedding rings: Is a wedding ring a traditional thing that says “I’m in love with my husband and I’m sharing my life with him,” or is it a “Back off jackoff” indicator in public. Seth then wonders if attractive young women would put on a ring just to keep creepy dudes away from them.
53:25 – Neither Jonathan nor Seth have ever had a manicure or pedicure.
59:38 – Seth says Jonathan would be a wonderful father, but Jah thinks he’d be crazy.
1:08 – Jah does his aggro announcing voice that talks about “raw, nocturnal comocedy.”
1:55 – Jah plugs their September sponsor, AdamandEve.com, and the promo code “UYD” that gives you half off and 3 free DVDs when you place their order. Jah and Seth think the ad banner on their homepage is a little more tasteful now.
5:00 – Yo mane, hol’ up, I got too much lean in my cup (Episode 025, 36:18)
31:16 – Jah don’t know much (Episode 067, 21:32; Episode 073, 36:02; Episode 129, 59:15; Episode 137, 4:04 and 1:06:18; and Episode 138, 34:36).
52:12 – Seth plugs UYD’s live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, N.Y.
55:28 – Seth plugs the “Media” link from the UYD website, which now features a second volume of video compilations recorded by Seth and edited by 55inch.
1:03:11 – Seth says “I’m comin’ for you, Corolla!,” indicating that Uhh Yeah Dude is going to overtake Adam Corolla as #1 Comedy Podcast on iTunes. Seth says that Romatelli is a way better Italian name than Corolla, which is faux Italian.
1:04:55 – Seth wonders when Jah is going to get his UYD tattoo, and Jah isn’t sure about it.
1:11 – Jah does his shock jock voice that Seth has been dreaming about since he was a young boy
2:01 – This episode of Uhh Yeah Dude is being brought to you by AdamandEve.com – safe, secure and intimate
4:31 – Seth talks about his extensive training regime by using some crazy big words
5:38 – Halloween is coming on a Saturday night, which could be right.
30:03 – Jah plugs the live show in Brooklyn on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly
32:28 – Seth says he got some positive feedback on Volume 2 of the 25-minute psychotic montage that has been posted in the “Media” section of the website. Jah says there has been one complaint that Volume 1 is no longer there.
35:41 – Seth’s current issue of Playboy, October 2009, has a study called “The College Sex Survey.” 41% of college students know someone who has hooked up with either a professor or a teacher’s assistant.
50:22 – Jah has 2 cigarettes, a Lucky and another one. He asks Seth which one he should smoke first, and Seth says he should smoke the Lucky cigarette now.
1:01:04 – Seth understands the UYD voicemail greeting says “2006 for life,” which he finds comforting, quaint and soothing to hear that. Some listeners decide to really let Seth know what year it is in their messages. Jonathan says that all the texts he receives are like getting Twittered in the face.
0:33 – Seth says “TGIF” because UYD is uncharacteristically recording the show on a Friday instead of a Thursday
0:41 – Seth asks Jonathan to let the listeners know that it’s “Rocktober” in his shock jock voice.
1:20 – UYD is bringing some serious Cali heat in October to a place called Brooklyn. Seth doesn’t mind if it’s cold out there, he just doesn’t want it to rain on his hair. That’s why he lives in the desert.
2:01 – This episode is being brought to you by AdamandEve.com.
3:23 – In regards to the live show in NYC, Jah says the RSVP list is officially closed.
19:05 – Jah recalls the 1993 movie Six Degrees of Separation with a fresh version of Will Smith
19:41 – Speaking of Will Smith, Jah was thinking about something: What if he was exactly who he is, but he was a big, big black dude? Seth thinks Jah would be the president of something. He thinks he would be rowdier since he would be huge and black. Seth wonders what the equivalent would be for himself, and Jah said it would be if Seth was a woman named Beth.
33:40 – Seth wonders if he mentioned not to fuck Brazilian dudes. Jah says Brazilian girls are also included in that because they all used to be dudes. Seth has heard from 15 different girls who hooked up with Brazilian dudes, end up with a child and the dude is back in Rio three months later. Jah says they bone down like crazy because they’re wicked good at it.
39:02 – Jah says he has an LRAD right here in his pants, his own little sound cannon
1:05:17 – Jah does an impersonation of rewinding through an episode of UYD, and it’s awesome.
1:09:12 – Jah recalls his cyberskin esophagus that he bought and that his maid discovered (Episode 088, 19:26)
0:26 – This is Episode number 1-8-7, the California penal code for murder
6:37 – Seth talks about the new Broadview Security commercial (Episode 179, 48:22). It starts off with people leaving what looks to have been an elegant house party. It’s early evening. The attractive female host thanks everyone for leaving. One handsome younger dude lingers on the porch, and she says, “It was really nice to meet you, A.J.” (Jah thinks it stands for Aaron Jacobson.) Her girlfriends are in the driveway mouthing, “He’s so hot!” and the girl mouths back, “I know!” The woman walks into the house and begins cleaning up, and she hears a noise and it’s A.J. in the doorway. He bashes in the window, she books it in and calls Mike at Broadview Security. Nothing to worry about now!
23:24 – Episode 188 will be Friday, Oct. 17, live in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn N.Y. at a venue called Public Assembly. Seth says it’s very overwhelming and very exciting and he thanks everyone for everything. Seth wants people to get there early and seek them out. Seth is the one who is not Jonathan.
36:29 – Jah can’t figure out why he is stumbling over his words so much. Seth hopes Jah is on point during the live New York show. Seth wonders what will happen if Jah is garbling everything and Seth has a full panny.
55:35 – Seth just handed Jah something to read and he doesn’t know what it is. He finally reads this warning to listeners: “In my experience, car wash employees in their haste sometimes do not reinsert the clips or holes on floormats of cars.” What happens is that, by putting your feet on them it rips the holes and your feet will slide up, or it will jam up the brake or accelerator.
58:36 – Seth talks about the Podcast Awards, recognizing excellence in the podcast field. He asks listeners to go to the UYD website and follow the link to the Podcast Awards, then vote for UYD for Best Comedy Podcast. There is no Dancecast category yet, which is why UYD wants to win – so they can establish that category next year.
0:01 – The live crowd chants “UYD! UYD!” to open the episode
0:38 – Jah is blown away by the warm reception they are getting at Brooklyn’s Public Assembly
1:04 – Jah forewarns the ladies in the room that there are a gang of horned-up dudes in the close-quarters club
1:23 – Seth finally chimes in and Jah is forced to acknowledge him to the crowd
2:16 – Jah says he’s going to have a heart attack and the crowd needs to give him a second to catch his breath. Seth says he wants people to hang around for a while afterward to say hello to people
4:55 – Seth reminds everyone that it’s National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah tells people to get mammograms and that further explanation is necessary.
6:35 – People in the back can’t hear J-dawg and Seth as well, so they apologize and Jah tells Seth to face Jah a little more so they can talk more directly to each other.
12:02 – Seth says he used to come to this place when it was Galapagos back in the ‘80s. He’s seen a lot of things here.
14:47 – There’s a new Broadview commercial on (Episode 179, 48:22; Episode 187, 6:37). There’s a dude in full camo looking through a hole in the fence at a mother and daughter kicking a soccer ball in the backyard. He runs in and kicks in the side door of the house
24:23 – Seth thinks he finally has a reason to cancel his Playboy subscription because Marge Simpson was on the cover. He’s back in, however, because Tara Reid is going to pose in it.
29:16 – Jah gives a shout-out to Seth’s mom and dad, who are in attendance for the live show.
40:52 – Seth got his tickets for the Michael Jackson movie at the CineramaDome. He’s wondering how crazy it will get there.
42:31 – Jah has everyone simultaneously yell the state or town they’re from on the count of 3
2:56 – Seth and Jah thank all the listeners for the fun live show in Brooklyn last week.
27:37 – Seth wants to know if women carry condoms on them. Jah replies, “Not unless they’re whores.” Jah thinks that even dudes shouldn’t carry them with him because it’s too presumptuous. But both men and women should keep condoms at home in their medicine cabinets, etc.
54:44 – Jah’s not sure what he’s going as for Halloween. Seth doesn’t feel comfortable dressing up.
1:01:03 – Jah gives a quick merch plug. They had awesome stuff available for the show in Brooklyn and some of them will be available in the website. Stickers will also be available in those shipments. The posters will be available as well, and they glow in the dark.
1:03:54 – UYD is coming in on 200 episodes, which feels weird to Jah
5:50 – It smells good in the studio. Seth has ginger peach candles in the living room, a Tahitian vanilla candle in his bedroom. For having such a great smelling crib, Jah hands Seth a frienjamin (Episode 141, 1:18).
16:52 – Jah was talking to somebody the other day about Twitter. He hypothesizes that regarding Twats that Twitter (douchebags), you could call what they do “Tweefing.”
54:06 – Before they did the live show in Brooklyn, Seth and Jonathan did an interview with a girl for the Greenpoint Gazette (greenpointgazette.com).
55:06 – Jah says that there will be new t-shirts and posters available soon in the Merch section of the website.
17:16 – Jah reminisces on curbside check-in as if it doesn’t exist anymore. But it does.
28:54 – Seth and Jah want to start an old-timey gas station in the heart of Hollywood. They’ll get out-of-work sitcom actors to work there and shoot it as a reality show.
47:37 – Jah and Seth start to get trippy. Jah talks about how arbitrary the sequence of events in our daily lives is. Seth ponders about dreaming, and how sick and crazy it is that you create the way people look and what they say. He’s been having a lot of specific and vivid dreams that err on the side of mildly uncomfortable. They’re not night terrors (Episode 033, 48:25). Seth thinks that he’s making up the dialogue of the dream in his brain, but Jah doesn’t agree with that part. His dreams don’t feel as if they are his own manifestations. He has no well from which to draw the things he is conjuring. He knows he has a lot of crazy things within him but he thinks these other entities come to him from outside, and commingles in his realm that he’s cognizant of. Jah is sincerely worried about 2012; he thinks it’s for real while Seth thinks it’s Y2K bullshit. Jah explains that, assuming we’re children of God created in his image, we create things in our world the way God created the world we live in. When you look at our forms of communication that we create right now, there are things that are at the peak of our technology, yet others that are completely arcane (telephone) that are still completely useful and valid. He believes there are arcane versions of galactic communication. (At this point Seth nearly bursts out laughing. He’s not there yet, but there are 500 more episodes to go, so maybe he will get there.)
58:37 – Jonathan thinks that entertainment and the way we digest it should be on a sliding scale. You should be able to pay what you want for things, like the new Radiohead record.
1:00:21 – Jah says there’s still a handful of UYD posters available through the Merch store on the UYD website, as well as a handful of tie-dye and prism logo t-shirts. Listeners rocked it this week with the sales.
1:01:35 – Jah got sent pictures of people burning CDs this week that they were going to hand to people.
1:02:32 – Jah circles back to his trippy diatribe about dreams. He talks about all the expressions we have within us, like when he was at the Phish show last weekend and thought about his musical life, etc. It feels like a dark time for the path that people are walking right now, while there seems to be an increase with people having more vivid dreams and communication within the inner parts of themselves. He says if they’re sitting somewhere doing Episode 3059 and realizing time is a crazy mobia strip, they will be a part of themselves back here .
1:04:35 – Seth says that UYD will be coming up on some milestones, 4 years and 200 episodes. Jah says it just comes down to doing your shit and moving on. Seth disagrees, and says that the idea of anyone taking any stock in 2012 is ridiculous. It’s a day in the life for all of us, there’s good things and bad things and we’re on an epic journey just to get through the day. It’s been that way forever and it will be forever, and it’s the best thing. Maybe aliens come and maybe they don’t, but people can just get through today. Seth says “It does what it does,” and Jah says, “Then you put a gun in your mouth.”
26:10 – Jonathan’s father will be performing at the Pantages Theatre in Los Angeles, Calif., in the holiday classic “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” performing the role of Old Max.
27:37 – Seth loves Christmas, and the feeling of the holiday season. It makes him feel very warm and very open, with the endless possibilities of life and love. But those feelings end on the 26th.
41:17 – Seth and Jonathan can’t believe 2010 is right here upon us.
0:48 – Jah says they’ve never said hello to each other in a foreign language before on the show, then proceeds to try doing exactly that.
25:42 – New Kay Jewelers commercial features a couple at a mountain retreat. She jumps into his arms during the thunder and lightning. He says, “I’m right here, and I always will be,” then busts a ring in her face, then, “Don’t let go. Ever.” Jah then finishes it with the ideal ending to that commercial: “Every Kiss Begins with Kay,” and an Aaron Neville rendition.
33:29 – Jonathan belches loudly into the microphone, then immediately apologizes for bringing a complete halt to the show.
36:26 – Although Seth laments how he used to be awesome, Jah gives him a break because sneaking into concerts shirtless is a sad look on a 40-year-old man. Jah then ponders how much longer he can get away with the look he is currently boasting. Seth says three or four more years.
40:28 – Seth says not to hate on the Zunes – UYD always talks about lots of different ways to access the show and don’t mention the Zune Marketplace – which some listeners have complained about.
0:55 – Jah gives us a Christian side hug
11:43 – Jah heard that in France, “LOL” has been incorporated into common chat, where they will actually say it in face-to-face conversation rather than typing it.
52:24 – Seth recalls how Jah told him about the gas station trickling off a few more pennies on everybody and thereby making a billion dollars (Episode 167, 0:29). Jah says he’s had a couple experiences with gas pumps since then. He found one pump that doesn’t do it at a couple newly renovated places. However, he went to another newly renovated Chevron where rather than slow down 4 cents or 10 cents before, it pops up like it was full. Jah went to take it out, turned and there was 7 more cents in there, then it trickled out. It tries to get you to give up.
1:06:21 – It’s just officially past midnight so Jah wants to officially say Happy Thanksgiving to Seth and all UYD listeners.
2:39 – Jah mixes it up by singing a Ben Bridge Jewelers tune instead of Kay
23:55 – UYD is closing in on #200, and they’re not sure what they’re going to do for the extravaganza.
40:37 – Jah sings “We don’t need another language.” (Episode 073, 0:43).
1:00:38 – Jogger is playing two shows over the Christmas holidays – in Chicago on Dec. 30 and in Denver with R2D2 and Daedelus on New Year’s Eve at City Hall.
0:49 – Seth’s iBook G4 is running about 97% right now – a good charge
1:02 – The decade is ending and we don’t really have a name for the coming decade we’re about to enter. Jah thinks it should be the “X’s” or the “Teens” or “Two-thousand X”
20:53 – Jah sings “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” (Episode 073, 0:43; Episode 097, 1:00:56)
25:32 – Seth harkens back to when he got to hear Sean Connery say “Queen Latifah” at the Academy Awards (Episode 099, 17:20). Seth tries to picture the Larroquettes going out to dinner with Ice-T and Coco.
35:53 – Jah wants Facebook to stop sending him notifications about how they’re changing privacy policies because it’s spooking him. He thinks it’s crazy that Google is scanning Twitter accounts to see if a popular user has referenced whatever words you’re searching for. Because of this Jah’s father might dip out of Twitter.
8:23 – If there was going to be a third member of UYD, Seth thinks it would probably be Kobe Teeth.
23:25 – Jah thinks men need to just cut the shit when it comes to thinking that women are stupid in regards to the things that they think they’re stupid about. Jah concurs that they’re stupid about certain things, but not things men think they are. Jah think men were bad back in the 70s too but it was more of a traditional structure that created its own kind of happiness.
28:09 – Jah asks Seth to take him to outer space, and Seth proceeds to play Galaga sound effects.
42:32 – UYD stockings are on sale via the website, as is a tote bag and a caribiner.
1:01:04 – Seth gives a toned-down, drawn-out “Sssssmokin.”
1:01:40 – Jah thinks that it is some couple’s fault for breaking up when they weren’t supposed to that threw the entire celebrity dating fractal so out of whack. Seth thinks it was the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez break-up that did it. Jah calls them “Jaffleck,” and Seth makes fun of this. Seth doesn’t buy the Affleck/Garner relationship and he wants “Bennifer” back.
1:07:35 – Seth received calls from listeners who said Episode 196 cut off at the end. Jah has a fixed version of that which he says he will upload soon.
1:08:12 – Jah apologizes for a small buzzing noise that’s been going on for the last couple episodes, and he says he needs to fix it soon.
36:51 – Seth wishes the Cowboys good luck tonight.
37:10 – Jah hypothesizes that everybody’s a car dealer now. All this nickel-and-dime BS used to be relegated to the used car lot, but now everyone with a nametag is trying to hustle us. And they’re so dumb that they just go along with it blindly and don’t question their own intentions.
53:19 – Jah wonders what’s up with Brad and Angelina. Seth says more than likely he heard Episode 197 and heard them talking about Jackalope and how when they broke up the world ended. It got Pitt thinking to how Angelina is not a soulmate. Seth doesn’t think they were met for each other. He thinks there’s another woman out there that we already know that should be with him. Seth ventures a guess: Zoe Saldana.
58:23 – Jah promises that the UYD Merch Store has some dope shit coming from their boy Bennett Grizzard, who did the Brooklyn flyer, and John Smith, who did the glow-in the-dark posters from the Brooklyn show.
59:40 – Seth wishes everyone a Happy New Year and Merry Christmas as well. It’s essentially 2010. Jah can’t believe he’ll be in Denver for New Year’s.
1:19 – Seth comments on how it’s weird to be recording their show on a Saturday night
1:54 – Jah wishes Seth a Happy New Year
15:56 – Jah has a theory that Tiger Woods is dead, which is why we haven’t seen him in public since his Thanksgiving domestic dispute.
27:06 – Seth asks if Angelina Jolie would leave Brad Pitt for Jah. Jah is flabbergasted at this question.
1:00:07 – Seth says they’re not sure what they’re going to do about Episode 200.
2:29 – Seth marvels that they’ve made it to 200 episodes. They had a dream, and they made that dream a reality.
2:37 – Several listeners told Seth that he needed to live up to his promise that he made in Episode 100 (21:25) that he would do a moonwalk this episode, but he says he has an out since the King of Pop died and this is not a vidcast.
58:46 – Although it’s Episode 200, Seth doesn’t want to get too excited. When they get to Episode 300, that’s when the real party is going to be.
1:02:42 – Seth says that after 200 episodes, there are a lot of people to thank. He and J-Dawg appreciate all the people who have worked so hard for UYD to be able to continue to do it.
0:27 – Jah wishes they were recording this episode with video because Seth gave him a crazy look with his eyes.
8:03 – Jah says Seth needs a high-speed dubbing USB VCR so he could upload all the gobs of videotapes he has stuff recorded on.
15:19 – Seth wants to customize his sex robot to look like Haley Joel Osment from the movie AI
52:18 – Seth wants to know what the fuck is going on. Jah indicates that it all went wrong when Gus Van Sant shot Psycho shot-for-shot starring Vince Vaughn.
20:58 – Seth declares that next month, February, Jonathan will be going on tour with Jogger, except UYD will be having shows each week during the month.
52:07 – Jah gives big ups to the Peace Corps because there are UYD listeners who are in it as we speak.
57:54 – Jah references himself mispronouncing Patrón (Episode 031, 23:14).
59:09 – iTunes prominently featured UYD alongside other amazing podcasts such as New Yorker Fiction, Market Watch from Dow Jones, etc.
1:00:08 – Jah plugs some Merch stuff – new totes are available in black and purple with the prism logo, and new gray hairy logo shirts are available and restocked.
19:39 – Jah hated fax machines, but Seth still likes them. He likes what they do. He thinks they’re still efficient in terms of calling someone about a magazine article, then seconds later they’re looking at the exact same thing once you fax it to them.
58:47 – Seth thinks UYD had more voicemails than they’ve ever gotten this week 1:00:00 – Seth reminds listeners that in February, Jah will go on tour with Amir Yaghmai and their musical outfit, Jogger. Their tour dates are listed on their Myspace page. Although Jah won’t be in town, they will be posting fresh new episodes.
1:01:12 – Seth previously asked people to get some sleep (Episode 202, 1:04:06). He now has another good idea – changing or washing your sheets, which feels so comforting.
1:28 – It’s tax season, so this is the time of year Seth likes to remind listeners to get on it and not sleep on it, then realize it’s April 15. He says to do it legally, because your friend who does it doesn’t really do it.
4:27 – Seth thinks he has asked this before, but he wonders if medical supply stores – which are basically an empty room, a folded-up wheelchair leaned against the wall and a crutch in a sling with an open floorplan – are fraudulent business fronts used for laundering money or peddling drugs.
54:15 – Jah asks Seth to make a wish since it’s 2:22, but Seth blows it by saying he wished for the continued health of every one of UYD’s listeners.
1:00:47 – Seth tells us that Ep. 205 will go up next week, while 206 will be the week after that – it’s another pre-recorded episode. They will be back the following week with 207.
1:01:46 – This week is the four-year anniversary of the first UYD show that went up. Seth wishes UYD a happy birthday.
0:57 – We learn that this episode was recorded by Jah and Seth on Friday, Jan. 29
8:54 – Jah talks about how not fresh people’s played-out shit is. He think this started changing within our period of life growing up. People used to have to be the best in order to keep going.
1:19 – This episode is being recorded on Wednesday, 7:50 p.m. on Dec. 23, 2009. Jah calls it an “Episode to be Named at a Later Date,” and it’s being hosted by “Marcia and Seth.”
51:29 – Seth and Marcia share a sweet moment where they tell each other that they love one another very much.
55:01 – “Imagine” by John Lennon, which is Seth and Marcia’s song (Episode 192, 19:15), closes out this special episode.
1:06 – Jah and Seth bump it. Seth says it’s nice to have Jah back, while Jah says it’s nice to be home.
54:17 – Seth gives mad props to his mother, who laid it down hard with Seth in Episode 206. He was a little apprehensive to mix the UYD formula up, but he had the best time with her. He said people were so nice, sending voicemails and mail. Marcia got to hear a bunch of voicemails and was overwhelmed with the good cheer. Jah hopes everyone was down with it because it was truly the best.
1:26 – Seth asks if midnight is the witching hour (Episode 065, 0:55)
42:59 – Jah provides some commentary on how Toyota done fucked up.
1:04 – This is Episode 210, what’s up with your friend? (Episode 145, 4:17)
16:58 – Seth goes through the lyrics for “Me So Horny” by the 2 Live Crew and compares them with the radio edit.
33:40 Whistle + smoking
46:07 – Seth wants to know what the deal is with Magic Jack and getting unlimited calls for $20 a year.
1:24 – UYD is considering changing the name of the podcast to “Tough Stuff.”
16:50 – Seth lists off famous people who need to stop cloaking that they’re gay and just come out of the closet: Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Zach Quinto, Anderson Cooper, Shepard Smith, Evan Lysacek, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, Tyler Perry and Ryan Seacrest.
53:26 – Seth and Jonathan have a deep discussion about kids being able to see 3D
59:47 – Jah takes a minute to ejaculate all over the new UYD website. He’s been getting a lot of texts from people noticing that awesomeness that Nick created.
1:28 – This is Episode 2-1-3 (in Malibu)
1:50 – Seth wonders if Brad Pitt left Angelina Jolie and fell into the open arms of Sandra Bullock, would it create the best nickname ever? PittBull.
1:02:14 – This episode is crumbelievable (Episode 096, 4:39 and 5:00)
1:03:51 – Jah talks about how some listeners who get the show from an alternative RSS feed are getting broken links from when UYD used a hosting service. So basically, use iTunes.
1:20 – Jah explains that UYD is coming to you on this early recording date (April 9) because Jah will not be able to be there for the normal recording time. Seth wants Jah to divulge why, but Jah doesn’t want to get into it.
37:54 – Jah proposes that they need to make a camera that is connected to your forehead, strapped onto your head from the moment you’re born, and it records everything in your life. Every time you blink, it stores a still picture away so you waon’t miss any of the moments you’ve blinked. You would them have your entire life documented in moving picture and stills, and would share it with anyone you wanted. Jah says data storage is relatively cheap nowadays, and you could record an entire existence of a human lifetime.
44:44 – Jah and Seth reference that they do have at least one blind listener, but Seth wonders if they have any deaf listeners who try to simply feel the vibration.
1:07:24 – A callback to Jonathan’s funk rap from Episode 024, 50:38 as we hear Anthony Kiedis tells us “True men don’t kill coyotes.”
1:16 – Seth wants to know if people are still ghost riding the whip, and Jonathan attests to the fact that in the Bay Area, people are still ghost riding that whip.
24:41 – Jah gives a callback to the Elvis “fader” story from Episode 130, 28:43.
59:48 – Seth describes seeing Hubble in IMAX combined with Leonardo DiCaprio’s narration voice as a vanilla DMT shake with a protein boost. Jah wonders if it’s still playing at the California Science Center, and Seth confirms that it is, along with Kelly Slater’s Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D IMAX, which Seth describes as “riding the tube.” Seth requests someone to illustrate a photo of him on a surfboard riding the tube with awesome board shorts.
1:03:33 - Jah lets out a nice little fart
1:13 – Episode 216 is dedicated to the craft and ever-expanding world of crystal healing.
54:12 – Jah wonders how endangered the general cosmetic feel of newstands are. He wonders if they’ll completely evaporate in our lifetime. Jah thinks they will.
1:40 – Seth realizes we’re getting ever so close to our special “JackÈe Episode,” or Episode 227 (Episode 181, 5:10).
27:59 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the fact that we drive so much.
32:58 – Jah references UYD’s legendary Doritos episode (Episode 079) where everyone starts puking while UYD stuffs their faces
1:05:52 – Jah reveals he is flying in a few hours and wonders if he’ll die on the way to Boston. He then congratulates his brother, Ben, on graduating college and being the first college graduate in his family.
1:23 – Jah apologizes ahead of time for putting Seth at a slight disadvantage technologically by forgetting cables tonight. They’re coming to us from a campfire setting tonight.
32:21 – Seth wonders if UYD can get a TV show with the Jerky Boys. Jah thinks that would be awesome.
41:49 – Jah wonders if he heard this right – that the HIV virus is smaller than the porousness of latex in condoms.
48:21 – Seth reveals that Jah was born on the Sunset Strip. As far as Seth is concerned, Jah is a modern-day Jim Morrison.
1:03:36 – Jah loves some of the amazing texts he gets. He tries to respond to as many as he can. He can’t get to all of them, but some of them are so fresh or on point and he loves how they find him throughout his days and nights in other situations. He reassures everyone that he’s still down with it and appreciates it.
19:55 – Jah wonders if eating hormones in our food grows our kids big from their eating of hormones or from us genetically modifying over a couple generations and them having to bear the brunt of that. Jah is curious because he has been seeing some really big kids lately.
50:47 – Jah ponders if kids could take over the world. Seth thinks they are.
1:00:02 – It seems to Jah that there are plenty of people who agree with things UYD are saying but are completely content to still do it. Jah realizes that we as a species change so much, as do our desires. He says if we pay attention to those things we realize how rapidly changing we are. An incredible amount of peoples’ lives is spent in a place not dealing with the current place where they really are – here on the TV, here on the computer, here on a video game.
1:04:53 – Jah says he occasionally dips into Myspace. The majority of friend requests he gets there now fall into the category of spam.
1:17 – Seth has a variety of beverages for Jah to choose from – Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Mt Dew, Sunkist and Pepsi Max
5:45 – After a long pause, Jah simply says, “Ozzy, man.”
23:20 – Seth observes that Indian tweens dominate spelling, Kenyans dominate running and Finlandians dominate hotboxing. Jah wonders what it is that Americans dominate in. Seth thinks it’s competitive comedy podcasting.
1:03:03 – Jah asks the UYD listeners as an aside if any of them live on Native American reservations.
1:06:21 – Jah announces that the uhhyeahdude.com front page has officially changed. Jah was announcing to start a blog post for himself on there and has been moved out for the time being. He says his presence will increase. He says some super dope shit is coming through the pipes, possibly even mobile device stuff. There is an obituary portion of the front page where people can read about dead celebs. Seth says very soon there will be a Volume IV of Seth’s Corner video mash-ups.
1:49 – When things overwhelm you, you just have to remember to breathe. Jonathan and Seth audibly illustrate this for us.
24:57 – Jah asks if he can talk shit about Pineapple Express or if he can’t because it’s too wack.
33:56 – Jah asks Seth if they’re doing a live show this summer, or if they’re doing any kind of a summer break together
58:23 – Jah asks if there’s something happening on the website. Seth says you can visit Seth’s Corner from the homepage to view video mixtapes of awesome television moments, and Volume 4 is now up.
26:28 – If you really wanted to make a day out of it at, you go to an old folks’ home and get super-easy access, just as Jonathan and Seth did when they visited Gertrude Baines (Episode 112, 0:53). (Jah thinks it would have been funny if the then-oldest person would’ve paid them to murder her.) You then could go room-to-room with an old-school doctor’s medical bag and just swipe prescription pills from every room.
37:33 – Seth is flabbergasted that Grown Ups isn’t out yet. If it doesn’t open with $130 million he thinks it will be a failure. The creepiest thing in the ad for it to Jonathan was when all the acotrs are on their inner tubes wearing shirts. Seth thinks this is a Paul Blart situation for him; he will be at the Grove at 9 a.m. to watch it.
1:00:58 – Jah gets trippy and reads from “Lenticular Matters,” an exclusive text by Cameron Stallones, a.k.a. Sun Araw: “The lenticular object is the means to our end, the means of getting On Patrol. It's the UFO, the lens shape that winks in and out of our plane to broadcast some Cosmic Giggle and, at times, for amped confrontation: close encounters and (in the extreme) rebirth. The UFO phenomenon, like the lenticular phenomenon, is prominently vaginal, and so most of the time you can hear it harmonizing with classic birth trauma. But it's a good hurt, the yonic cruise. The lenticular object appears in traditional Christian iconography as the Mandorla, a representation of the overlap of Divinity and physical reality, so, hey, that's our clue, it's glowing doors and gateways from here on out. We "see" them because, as the shape itself instructs us, these are perceptual zones we're stalking: warped but potent mirrors and refractors of other dimensions. Los Angeles is a pretty lenticular town, when you get right down to it. At least in the sense that it's a doorway. If and when we have a choice about the other side of that door, it can be a true spaceport. The vaginal symbol that's the thrumming machinery governing all of the coming and going from physical reality to total image in this town stands in stark contrast to the sadly impotent (and misconceived) masculine energy that is supposedly in the driver's seat. Not a chance, dudes, are you kidding? Put that away before you hurt yourself. The true other side of the door is outer/inner space, always has been, always will be. An echo in the finite of the infinite act of Creation, as Coleridge would say. The Great Attractor, Blake called it the Divine Imagination. But either way, it's been summoned by too many good-hearted people to stay away long. Its frequencies are powerful, it's just about tuning in to the end of history. Watch it now, on demand, so you become an observer: Paradise Regained. McLuhan "saw" it as the enormous collective body we've been swarming into. Pierre Teilhard "saw" it as the Body of Christ on Earth, to be summoned and resurrected by the Father. Teleology is a tricky business, and as my buddy Phil used to say, we're just hanging the curtains, moving the lights around, testing, testing 1...2...3. The cybernetic network, Mama Matrix, maholo, whatever you call it, it's just a stage. Who and what walks out onto that stage will be the (reflective) surprise. (Hint: It's not a surprise.) Until then, back in the (lenticular) patrol car: antennas up.”
1:42 – Seth and Jonathan do their best Malibu accents
7:40 – Jah asks a question based on a mock video he saw. He wonders if it’s possible that there was a video where people put a ring of cellphones with a popcorn kernel in the middle of it, and they Skyped the cell phones and it popped the kernel in the middle. Seth answers with “Building 7.”
15:34 – Jah declares he has the worst laugh tonight; it’s like a cackle.
34:17 – Jah said that Kim Kardashian’s relationship with Ray-J didn’t work because he’s a dick. Seth says it’s because Ray-J’s sister, Brandi, is a murderer.
47:53 – Jah asks Seth if he’s heard the term “minder” for a nanny. Celebrities have minders for their children – not nannies.
1:39 – Last week Seth said to hang loose, but he might get rowdy tonight. Jah doesn’t know about this because he’s not feeling very rowdy.
12:21 – You could call the UYD voicemail at 888-842-2357, Jah’s phone at 323-481-4422 or Mike Jones at 281-330-8004
53:18 – Seth asks Jah what he’s wearing, it’s a little vintage Christian Dior outfit. He says Jah looks like a 1950s French seaman. Jah says it was a present.
1:12:54 – UYD recommends drinking more water this week. Jah adds that they should avoid the plastic bottles. Seth recommends recycling, but Jah says “fuck recycling. Recylcing is taking certain pieces of garbage and putting them in one place and taking another kind of garbage and putting them in another place.”
1:28 – Seth reveals that Jah’s birthday (Aug. 7) falls on a Saturday next month and asks him if he’s ready to party. Jah says no, he isn’t.
1:54 – Before Seth dives into a news tidbit, Jah takes a second to slow it down and say it’s nice to be there doing the show.
15:39 – Jah recommends that Seth gets a huge chopper trike with double wheels in the back. He remembers seeing one of these driven by Peter Dinklage in a movie he starred in with Gary Oldman where both play little people. For the life of him Jah can’t think of the name of this movie. Seth thinks Gary Oldman is really tiny but J-dawg looks it up to double-check: he’s 5-foot-9. Seth still thinks he has an English bone disease that keeps him smaller and he’s just posing as 5-9.
29:40 – Jah says that women can make men crazy, but says he’s not defending Billy Bob Thornton. He thinks men have the ability to really hurt women emotionally, but he believes they do have the upper hand in how psychologically painful they can be to us.
30:48 – Jah loved Sling Blade and he thinks Billy Bob Thornton wanted to make some real movies. He thought J.T. Walsh was awesome in the movie too. He also loved Lucas Black in the movie and loved seeing him again in Friday Night Lights, where there was a similar Billy Bob/Lucas/country star connection to Sling Blade. (Episode 079, 58:50).
32:20 – Jah says he simply can’t shake the name of the stupid movie with Peter Dinklage and Gary Oldman. While he reads the next segment he wants Seth to look it up online.
34:00 – Seth has finally found it. Tiptoes is a 2003 film starring Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey and Gary Oldman. Kate Beckinsale is a talented painter and independent woman who falls in love with Steven (played by McConaughey) without knowing much about him other than he is the perfect man. But when she finds herself pregnant it forces McConaughey to expose his darkest secret – his family. Steven happens to be the only average-sized person in a family of dwarves, including his twin brother, Rolfe (played by Gary Oldman). Carol and Steven are then forced to come to terms with the fact that the fetus she carries may be born a dwarf. This terrifies McConaughey, as he had to watch his twin brother suffer the difficulties of being a little person and does not want to watch this child suffer that same pain. As Carol decides to carry the child, she and Steven grow farther apart and she begins to rely on Rolfe to teach her about life with people with dwarfism. Peter Dinklage appears as Maurice. Patricia Arquette is Lucy, David Alan Grier is Jerry Robin Jr.
38:52 – Jah wonders why no one has sent them any awesome sturdy pairs of 3D glasses
48:08 – Jah goes online to discover Tim Roth’s alleged height – 5-foot, 7 inches. He reads some comments about it: “This guy always nods his head to the side all the time.” … “He’s not 5-7.” … “He looks tiny, I doubt he’s 5-7.” … “He pretty consistenly looks exactly 5-7 in Lie To Me. In his Tarantino movies he was around taller actors so he may have looked 5-6.” … “He’s a solid 5-7 and as for him being a dick, everyone has their bad days, and he’s also known for being a little cool toward male fans. But from female fans who have met him, I’ve heard he treats them like gold.”
49:40 – Seth and Jah can’t think of the movie that Roth and Tupac Shakur were in together. They know it’s a one-word title. Jah finally looks it up, Gridlock’d.
1:00:14 – Jah thanks all UYD listeners and says it means the world to him that people listen and tell friends about the show.
1:03:02 – After weeks of telling people to breathe, smile, drink water, sleep, etc., Seth and Jah are simply telling people to “Have the best week.”
1:32 – This is 2-2-7, hosted by Jonathan and Jack-ain’t
14:30 – Seth has been getting many voicemails from people talking about Jonathan’s jam of a movie, Up (Episode 226, 44:31). Jah admits there’s something within the pacing of a movie that allows him to draw life lessons from it.
15:40 – Seth asks Jonathan whether he should go through The Wire series or all the Pixar movies. Seth then lists off all the Pixar movies he can think of.
18:02 – Jah was a huge fan of Black Zappa back in the day
1:07:15 – Jonathan asks if this is the first time UYD has ever come to its listeners on location outside of a live show. Seth answers yes. They usually do the show on Thursday, but they were coming up on the wedding in Mendecino and with travel plans Thursday got weird. J-dawg said to pack up the tech and record the show in the woods in a cabin. Jah says it’s significant to mention it since they’ve only done shows in Seth’s apartment, Brooklyn and Los Angeles.
46:24 – Seth talks about how they got a little jacked-up at the beginning of the show trying to remember the dates and times and names. Jah points out that the last three episodes have been harder and harder for Jah to get the time and date correct. He said it’s not something he thinks about before they start the show.
50:35 – Seth apologizes for all the bad language UYD uses on the show. The use of “retard” has offended some listeners. Jah isn’t conscious of the fact that he’s saying it spitefully. He thinks if the Black-Eyed Peas can have a hit single originally titled “Let’s Get Retarded” then he should be exempt.
2:08 – Jah reveals that he turns 33 years old on August 7.
12:03 – Seth references the discussion from Episode 227 (1:01:07) about counterfeit bills, in which Jah says he recalls a story about nickels that Jean Shepherd (not Bob Shepherd) of A Christmas Story lived off of. Jah then says that $5 bills have the same pink hue as a $50 bill. $5 bills are washable and can be easily reprinted as $50s.
1:09:48 – Jah explains the problem with recycling. He says that garbage must be pre-sifted anyway by waste management companies, so recylable items that are dumped into a regular trash can are sifted out and profited from. He thinks one waste company should be doing all of the job rather than a third-party company getting paid for more work.
3:13 – Seth says if you’re at work, go to uhhyeahdude.com and tell your boss to “go screw.” He thinks that if your boss looked over your shoulder and saw what was going on, he would pull a seat right up.
30:10 – Jah wonders why there is no technology available that allows cars to go places on their own. When he was younger he just assumed that by the time he was 20 it would be happening. He says there’s not a piece of technology out there that doesn’t exist to allow it to happen.
2:38 – Seth wants to know if J-dawg is going to Go The Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. Seth thinks the only real-life couple that he would want to see in a rom-com is Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith in a remake of Love Story.
3:51 – Seth references Go The Distance starring a real-life couple, Justin Short and Drew Barryless (Episode 231, 2:38), and then talks about the upcoming movie Life As We Know It, coming out Oct. 28, starring former couple Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl.
7:04 – Seth didn’t know that Jah and his family performed at the Hollywood Bowl this weekend. By “you” Seth means “you and your brothers – the Neville brothers.”
46:36 – Seth talks about the live show on Saturday, Oct. 2 in Santa Monica at the Broad Stage.
1:00:44 – Jah thanks all the listeners for the flood of amazing birthday wishes they sent him on Aug. 7.
1:02:59 – Jah begins to read: The question “What shall we do about it?” is only asked by those who do not understand the problem. If a problem can be solved at all, to understand it and to know what to do about it are the same thing. On the other hand, doing something about a problem which you do not understand is like trying to clear away darkness by thrusting it aside with your hands. When light is brought, the darkness vanishes at once. This applies particularly to the problem now before us. How are we to heal the split between “I” and “Me?” The brain and the body. Man and nature. And bring all the vicious circles which it produces to an end? How are we to experience life as something other than a honey trap in which we are the struggling flies? How are we to find security and peace of mind in a world whose very nature is insecurity, impermanence and unceasing change? All these questions demand a method and a course of action. At the same time, all of them show that the problem has not been understood. We do not need action, yet we need more light. Light here means awareness – to be aware of life of experience as it is in this moment, without any judgments or ideas about it. In other words, you have to see and feel what you are experiencing as it is, not as it is named. This very simple opening of the eyes brings about the most extraordinary transformation of understanding and living and shows that many of our most baffling problems are pure illusion This may sound like an oversimplification because most people imagine themselves to be fully enough aware of the present already, but we shall see that this is far from true. Because awareness is a view of reality free from ideas and judgments it is clearly impossible to define and write down what it reveals. Anything which can be described is an idea, and I can not make a positive statement about something, the real world, which is not an idea. I shall therefore have to be content with talking about the false impressions which awareness removes rather than the truth which it reveals. The latter can only be symbolized with words which mean little or nothing to those without a direct understanding of the truth in question.
1:06 – J-Dawg kicks off the episode, then passes the mic over to Marcia Romatelli, who is again co-hosting with Seth (Episode 206)
1:33 – Marcia’s theory on wine is that it’s better than pills. She is in Hollywood because she missed her baby boy, plus UYD nation was clamoring for a repeat performance. Marcia thanks everyone who listens to J-dawg and Seth every week and thanks everyone for the shout-outs and gifts that she received after co-hosting the last time.
2:21 – Seth explains that Jah is on a spiritual retreat that is well-deserved.
15:48 – This week’s lesson is to see things through the eye of a child
55:40 – Marcia says it has been her pleasure to help “these two boys” out. She loves doing this and thanks everyone who listens and understands podcasts. She encourages everyone to go to the live show on Oct. 2.
2:04 – Jah says it’s nice to be back. Seth says they are together again on a little phrase he’s coined called “The Road to the Broad.” He announces that the Oct. 2 7:30 p.m. live show in Santa Monica is sold out and there has been an additional performance added at 9:30 p.m.
11:41 – Seth says good luck to all the NFL teams
12:39 – Jah says the depression he slipped into after the last UYD live show was epic. He says his ashram was lovely, however. One day all he ate was a grain of rice.
19:43 – Seth says that J-Dawg needs a catchphrase. He wonders if they could write Jim Carrey a letter and ask if Jah could take “Smmmoookin!” as his own catchphrase after Carrey would inevitably realize how much better Jah’s was.
31:05 – Jah gives us another taste of Aaron Neville and Led Zeppelin, which he calls “Never Say Neville.”
43:22 – Jah’s new catchphrase is “Dat Be Duffy’s Seed.”
48:28 – This country feels more racist to Jah right now than it ever has in his life – not in daily interaction but in what it seems like people running the world are having to deal with.
58:25 – Jah wishes Seth a Happy 9/02/10 Day.
1:04:15 – For Grandparents’ Day, Seth will be hanging out with Jeff, relaxing. They’ll probably go to lunch, Piranha: 3D, take a nap and catch the Cowboys’ game.
1:05:58 – Amber is the color of their energy
2:42 – Seth holds up his first residual check (paper chase) of 2010 from the Screen Actors Guild for Crossroads (Episode 150, 23:37). It covers free television, pay television and cassette disc markets. Principal photo date was 3/12/2011. The check is for $24.61.
15:09 – Seth goes over two different couples who went on dates – one couple in 1986 and one in 1996. Neither couple consummated that date with intercourse; however, for that one night, when they sat across from each other, anything was possible. In 1986, Oprah Winfrey and Roger Ebert went on a date. Ebert was the one who convinced her to sign the syndication deal with King World. Then, Seth learned that Jennifer Aniston and John Stewart went out on a date in 1996 but she brought a few too many of her girlfriends for it to constitute a “date.”
1:04:29 – Jah wonders which episode the live show in Santa Monica will be. Seth counts it out as Episode 238.
4:21 – Seth thanks UYD nation because they sold out the second show at the Broad.
44:03 – UYD will probably be playing their next live show in Austin, Texas.
46:06 – Seth can’t remember the slogan “Keep Austin Weird.” Jah thought it was “Keep Portland Weird.” (Episode 116, 9:51)
1:13:27 – It’s Seth’s birthday on Wednesday
1:47 – Where the F does the time Fing go? It’s October already, and Seth and J-dawg will see you this weekend.
4:59 – Seth dips back into The Town and how he was disturbed by the nun habits and the ghost masks. He was even more disturbed by the opening scene, when they’re wearing Skeletor masks and purple dredlocks.
55:16 – Jonathan and Seth think that bartering is the way everything should be nowadays. Jah thinks that if we’re moving that way, everyone in UYD nation is covered because we have our own community and could be self-sufficient using the talents that each of us possess. Jah recommends that everyone who listens to this show needs to move to Hollywood. Seth says we all have to buy property within a 6-block radius of the studio and just take over as a gang.
1:04:31 – Seth and Jah ponder what kind of vehicle Jim Carrey drives. Jah guesses maybe a played-out Porsche just because it costs $250,000 and he’s the worst. Jah thinks maybe he might be eco and have an electric Tesla.
1:08:57 – This week at the Broad Stage: 2 Live Show featuring Luther Campbell.
2:09 – Seth can’t see Jah as they begin the live show. He’s not nervous at all. This is no big whoop. He claims the Sundance was just detailed and is available for photo ops.
4:45 – Seth holds up another European residuals check from the Screen Actors Guild from Crossroads, which played three times in Switzerland and once in Sweden for a total gross of $12.65. Jah asks if he can read out the last four digits of Seth’s social, and he says yes because he has LifeLock.
16:32 – Seth thanks the audience for being there, because he understood that Yoko Ono was at the Orpheum Theatre tonight and they could’ve been there instead of at the Broad.
37:58 – Jah has to pee. He tried to pee beforehand but it just wouldn’t come out right.
42:50 – J-dawg is hurting. He has to pee so bad.
59:45 – Jah thanks every single person who came out and bought a ticket – everyone who made the “Road to the Broad” what it is. He specifically thanks Weck and Nick, Dimitri and Jordan who helped facilitate this, and Wendell. The DJ this evening, Turquoise Wisdom (aka Zach), is bomb. Jah announces that after the 9:30 p.m. show they will be going to a bar around 11:30 called Renee’s on Wilshire between 5th and 6th Street.
2:14 – Seth disses the 7:30 show and says they saved it all for this 9:30 live show at the Broad. Jah claims he is wearing the same shirt he wore for the first show.
10:32 – Jah has a theory for an invention called the Third Eye, which is to capitalize on the blogged-out world we’re in. From birth you strap a wi-fi cam onto the forehead where the third eye would be, and it tracks everything to document one’s life effortlessly. Everyone would have their own personal TV channel and you’d get to choose whose life you wanted streamed to you.
28:16 – Seth shows the crowd some paperwork from the Screen Actors Guild awarding foreign royalties to Seth for Crossroads, which played three times in Switzerland and once in Sweden for a total gross of $12.65.
42:45 – Seth wonders what people used for a condom in 1909.
54:51 – Seth lets everybody know that the Sundance has been detailed and washed and is available for any photo opportunities.
59:05 – Seth informs the crowd that Yoko Ono is performing at the Orpheum Theatre tonight.
1:02:17 – Jah invites everyone to join them at a bar called Renee’s on Wilshire at about 11 p.m. or 11:30 p.m. He thinks everyone is probably trashed from the 7:30 show if they even made it there because they forgot to say “Seatbelts.”
1:30 – Since UYD doubled up on episodes on Saturday, they’re coming at us from the future now. Some people said that those who only caught the second show were thrown off because they’d have to go back in time and listen to Episode 238 after they’d already heard Episode 239.
5:58 – Seth takes us to the 90s. He was given a gift during the night of the live show, an issue of Details magazine from March of 1992 (Episode 238, 16:04). It’s the spring fashion issue featuring 50 pages of “style.” There is an article entitled “The Program for the Future is Wearable Computers.” … Wearable computers, or “bodytops,” can be created to suit every taste. Right now, at an advanced PC design center in Tokyo, they’re releasing new models. By the late 90s these will become standard-issue. One of them is designed for emergency paramedics who will need both hands free and an unobscured downward vision so they can drive and treat patients. A handheld track ball with video camera and sensors will relay to the goggles that the paramedic is wearing a patient’s injuries and his vital signs. It will also hook into a system that will match them for their stored medical history. … For journalists, writers and businessmen, there’s the lapbody. It will hang from the shoulder like a purse and unfold from the chest. It’s really made for retail sales and stockroom workers. It won’t be long now before PCs become as much a part of your wardrobe as a business suit. Computer stores will look more like boutiques than warehouses and technology will be more fashionable than ever.
The magazine also has an interview with Drew Barrymore, who has just turned 17 years old three weeks prior to this interview. Q: What’s the most insightful thing a stranger has ever told you about yourself? A: Some guy once walked up to be in a club and said he was going to tell me 10 things about me that would all be true. He was right on all 10 but the truest thing he said was that I had a young heart and an old soul. Q: Tell me a recent dream. A: Last night I had a dream about Keanu Reeves, who I’ve known for years. In the dream Keanu and I were just palling around and suddenly I looked at him and he turned into this ugly alien. Then I turned into something equally awful like a hideous tarantula. Q: What do you think that means? A: That I’m searching for someone. Because often the people I involve myself with turn into something other than that – other than what I originally thought that they were. That’s when they turn into something and then I change to and then I don’t like what I’ve become. Nothing against Keanu – he just happened to be starring in my dream. Q: What do you wear when you sleep? A: Nothing. I can’t understand how people sleep in their clothes. It’s too constricting. Q: When did you stop wearing pajamas? A: Around age 13, that’s when I learned the beauty of sleeping in the nude. I think I have my best moments when I’m nude, asleep in my bed. Now that I think about it, I have my most sensual thoughts in bed. Q: I’ve read that you don’t use body doubles. Nudity seems to scare a lot of actors. Why not you? A: I’m not scared of anything. I’ve already been to hell and back.
54:19 – Seth wants to know the guy’s name from Hellraiser, and Jah tells him it’s Pinhead (Episode 059, 44:48).
1:05:37 – Jah says a new t-shirt and poster have debuted in the Merch section of the UYD website.
1:25 – This is a late night for UYD because they’ve been going early when the daylight is so right.
38:50 – WWJWD? What Would James Woods Do? (Episode 240, 1:02:52 and 1:03:51) He would stretch.
1:59 – Jah slows down the audio so it sounds chopped and screwed.
2:14 – Seth is afraid he’s older than Justin Bieber’s father, which brings up a lot of issues and questions for him.
1:09:09 – Seth is puzzled that people still do kooky voicemail greetings on their cell phones that started off “Hello? Hello? I can’t hear you.” Jah wants to go back to all landlines because Seth has a blessed, charmed life.
1:54 – Jonathan gave Seth the actual totem used in Inception and he has just begun spinning it. This way they can actually know if this is really 243 or Two-Forty-Dream.
4:48 – Jah hears a weird sound happening in the rear of the studio. Seth says there’s all kinds of sounds that occur in this “haunted mansion” he lives in.
7:00 – It’s not Autumn until Seth’s mother presses leaves from a New England autumn in wax paper and sends them to Seth.
11:15 – Jah wonders if Seth ever heard the term “quista quivers” being a reference to girls’ boobs. He thought it was an East Coast phenomenon, but Seth is not familiar.
46:57 – Jah pokes fun at Seth’s Russian accent, which sounds more Jamaican than anything. Jah then corrects it with his impeccable Rusky accent.
55:52 – Jah says Groupon is no joke. You can get stuff for like 50% off.
59:26 – If Tony needs anything, Seth is there: “Romo! It’s Roma. Sup? Anything. Holla.”
2:01 – Seth has a Diet Sunkist right now. You know what that means – summertimes. It was still really hot in LA today.
2:13 – Seth shows a pressed maple leaf he received from his mom the day after mentioning it in Episode 243. He loves receiving New England fall foliage in the mail.
2:45 – Jah finds it weird that autumn and fall are the same thing but summer and winter don’t have other names. Jah says it was a bunk summer and it still feels like summer to him even though it’s moving into the holiday season. He’s prepared for full depression to set in by Thanksgiving.
30:10 – Seth mentions that you can go to Seth’s Corner on the website and view two new volumes, 5 and 6, of Seth’s video mash-ups. Also, if you go to the homepage, there’s a homepage banner link for the Podcast Awards (podcastawards.com), where you can vote for Uhh Yeah Dude for Best Comedy Podcast. Just like when Brando sent Sacheen Littlefeather to accept his Academy Award for The Godfather, Seth and Jah’s plan is to send Jeff, Nick and Weck to the ceremony in mandarin-collared, knee-length, Michael-Jordan-style tuxes while wearing Michael Jordan cologne, to accept their award for them.
1:04:59 – Seth’s advice for this week is to crush up an Addy and take it. Even give some to your twin babies in their gums.
25:35 – Jah recommends re-naming the podcast to “Talkin’ Turkey.”
26:50 – Jah thinks it would be cool if UYD had a hoteline where volunteers answered calls for all-purpose requests.
27:17 – Seth says there are new volumes up in Seth’s Corner. He acknowledges that there is some heavy shit featured in Volume 5 and some people were scared.
5:05 – Seth hears from his contacts who saw the James Franco vehicle 127 Hours, and apparently before his arm gets trapped in a crevice, he encounters two young girls and snaps digital photographs of them. At one point he thinks to himself, ‘I think I’m going to jerk off,’ and zooms in on the photo of one of the girls he took a picture of to zoom in on their chest to jerk off.
7:26 – Jah gives Seth another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.” It’s not really the holidays for Seth until J-Dawg sings that jingle.
7:52 – Seth asks when the best time to propose to your girlfriend is. J-Dawg thinks that if you want a summer wedding, you should propose during the summer prior so you have a full year to prepare.
20:00 – Jah thinks Huey Lewis & The News should have just been called “The News.” Seth and Jah then wonder if listeners hated all the 80s music flashbacks from Episode 246.
2:25 – The 3 things that give Seth a full panic attack are shitty radio ads, pundits talking about the royal British family getting married and holiday gift guides where they pick a theme like “Dad” or “Gifts for Mom.” For Jah it’s a SkyMall magazine.
8:14 – Jah references Leonor’s, the veggie restaurant in the Valley. There’s an acting school right next door, and Kevin Sorbo went to the school, so he’s featured front and center.
11:57 – Jah spots something on the floor and thinks it might be a cockroach. He signals Seth over to look at it and Seth has no idea either. Seth hypothesizes that it might be a small cockroach. Seth then proceeds to speak while J-dawg removes it from the studio.
38:32 – The only two things Seth needs are television and food
56:12 – Jah holds up a residual payment statement from the Screen Actors Guild addressed to a Seth Romatelli. The performer’s name is also Seth Romatelli. Crossroads played on free TV but not paid TV or video/DVD. Strangely, the gross amount was for $24.89, yet the check was for $14.85. Seth looks forward to writing his name on the back of that paper and then handing it to the Armenian lady with huge cans at the Bank of America in Larchmont. All 7 girls that work there are Armenian, wear the same sweater and same diamond-encrusted cross that hangs over their enormous cleavage.
2:06 – This is one of UYD’s very last episodes of 2010. 15:11 – Uhh Yeah Dude has been nominated as a Podcast Awards finalist for the People’s Choice category. Seth is thrilled, Jah – not so much.
36:25 – Jah has had some names floating around his brain that have been giving him fits. He follows up on Wafaa Bilal (Episode 248), who happened to go to high school with Nick, who runs the UYD website. (He was the only Iraqi in the entire school during the time we were going to war with Iraq.) Jah’s problem is that he used a song last week by Wiz Khalifa from Pittsburgh, and is trying to keep abreast of the alleged beef between Gucci Mane and Waka Flocka Flame.
1:06:04 – There are new UYD t-shirts on pre-order right now. There’s a UYD prism that’s gray on a heather tee with a black and white logo, there’s a design from the Broad show that will be used as well.
1:14:49 – Seth and Jah haven’t given much thought to Episode 250. Callers are throwing out all kinds of special things they could do, but Jah will be lucky to get there on time to record the show let alone do something fancy.
1:51 – Seth wishes everyone a Happy New Year even though it’s still Dec. 9.
2:06 – Seth thanks people for voting for UYD in the People’s Choice category of the Podcast Awards. Seth isn’t sure what they will win other than the respect of their peers and their pride.
1:04:45 – Speaking of secret, Jah asks Seth if he’s a Mason. He wants to know if there are any Masons that listen to this show.
2:43 – Jah says that he’s assembled a “look back” at the last 250 episodes, including some of the things they’ve said and funnier things they’ve said over the last 250 hours. They’re just going to sit back and roll it and hear it for the first time. Seth said he wants to throw out the index cards and pencils because anything is possible in this retrospective look back.
11:07 – Seth wants to know if there’s ever been a movie called Field Trip
15:18 – Seth saw Owen Wilson on a movie poster the other day and was freaked out thinking about the fact that “The Butterscotch Stallion” tried to kill himself in the summer of 2007.
55:30 – Seth claims that a citizen’s arrest is not a real thing. Jah wants to know if anyone has ever made one who listens to this show.
1:03:43 – Jah sends out a huge thank you to a gang of people who were nice enough to rally and send UYD some donation money. Jah was going to have a list in hand to be able to read off the names, but the list got kind of long and there were more things coming in and he didn’t want to leave anyone out. He broadly thanks people who decided to come together and do something for Jonathan and Seth. He says it’s a crazy awesome Christmas present and congratulatory present to them.
1:05:10 – Seth says he remembers Episode 001 and what Jonathan was wearing that night. Jah thinks he had cargo pants and Crocs on.
1:10:06 – Seth and Jah bump it in recognition of 250 episodes.
2:00 – Seth hopes that they can do a “Countdown to Destiny” episode on New Year’s Eve on Friday night. Seth thinks the New Year’s countdown is an exciting time, while J-Dawg thinks it’s depressing. Jah thinks we’re calling the upcoming year “Two-thousand-and-eleven,” while Seth will just call it “this year.”
15:22 – Seth wonders what the Chinese equivalent of Abiquiu, N.M. is.
49:29 – In the middle of Jah’s diatribe about the United States’ outside expenditures, Seth’s apartment buzzer sounds and he leaves to go retrieve a package. Seth returns with the biggest thing in the world and begins to open it as he discusses show items. The package is filled with packing peanuts, and Jah deciphers that it’s a big piece of art. Seth reads the card, which says “Hello, and Merry Christmas! Enclosed is one piece of artwork for each of you, but not, but is. When brought together, one soul and two pieces made of many little pieces by one person with two hands for two men, but are united as one. Touching so many lives. Fuck it – Seth, you figure it out. Merry Christmas guys. I have been waiting for good reason to do a phrenology piece, and what better reason could there be than UYD? I listen to you guys in my studio, cubicle, school and truly appreciate your dedication to the podcast and to America. Thanks for making me laugh my ass off and keeping me semi-sane in this fucked-up world. – Maria D’Angelo” … As Seth begins to dig deeper into opening up the package (56:36), he sends out a super thank-you to everybody who has ever sent anything into the studio. He has received so many great things over the years and has set up a shrine in the studio to commemorate it. As Seth unveils the package, Jah goes, “Oh my god, okie-doke. All right. This is nuts.” Seth declares (58:38) “We are looking at one of the craziest art pieces ever commissioned.” That was only one-half of it, and then he tears open the second one. Upon opening the second portion of the package (1:00:14), he declares “These are two large-scale collages…” After holding the two pieces up to each other (1:02:39), he realizes they are portraits of the two of them and they can’t exist individually – only with each other. The phrenology piece features J-dawg looking to the east and Seth looking to the west, and it’s the inside of their mind’s eye looking into the time-space continuum.
58:55 – Seth is coming over to the house for Christmas and will be spending the holiday with the Larroquettes. Seth and J-dawg were looking over all the stuff they’ve accrued on the table and wall of the stuff that’s been sent to the studio over the years. Thinking about all the donations that were sent at Episode 250 made Jah feel pretty Christmasy this year.
1:02:00 – Seth congratulates Tell ‘Em Steve Dave for winning the People’s Choice award in the Podcast Awards. He and Jah then apologize for bothering them with all the voting propaganda. Seth says now they can get back to the business at hand – doing the comedy podcast.
1:03:59 – Jah tells the listeners that there was a UYD app in the App Store that became available for sale and it was taken down again. There was a snafu through their hosting service. On that subject, Jah wants to know if anyone who listens to this show develops apps, because he wants to speak to them about doing a UYD app the right way.
1:57 – Jah and Seth say “sayonara” to 2010
24:17 – Seth just went sideways with his hat. It makes Jah think of Sideways with Paul Giamatti.
28:19 – Seth thinks they need to with their middle names, “Preston” and “Joey,” from now on in association with UYD.
30:32 – Seth finds out that bras are crazy expensive. Jah confirms this. Jah says one of the reasons that Victoria’s Secret is so successful is because it isn’t ridiculously expensive despite the quality.
32:26 – Seth wants to know what Mother Nature looks like. He knows what Jesus looks like but he doesn’t have any visual representation of what she looks like. J-dawg thinks she looks a lot like Gilda Radner.
1:04:34 – Jah asks if he’s allowed to leave Facebook. Seth says no; he’s locked in and he’s signed the contract. Jah is approaching the Facebook friend limit of 5,000 friends.
2:01 – Jah and Seth kick off the episode by poorly singing Bon Jovi
36:09 – Seth and Jah both like fruity gum. The only time Jah will eat minty gum is if his breath is rank and he needs that to correct it.
38:57 – Seth wants to know if J-dawg has ever prepared a meal for his lady, like they do in the meals. Jah says not really. He says it’s not romantic and it’s kind of weird. Ultimately he thinks the lady would appreciate a really good meal, period, versus a really crappy one you worked your ass off to make.
2:50 – Seth begins the episode by singing more Bon Jovi. UYD is in talks with Dickie Sambora to gain the rights to the song “It’s My Life.”
41:43 – Volume 7 of crazy videos is up in Seth’s Corner, so feel free to peep that 22-minute vid.
54:06 – After several unsuccessful attempts to flick his lighter and light a cigarette, Jah whispers frustratingly into the mic, “Oh my God, this fuckin’ lighter.”
2:09 – Jah is getting a pimple in the fold of his nose and it hurts like a sonofabitch.
2:16 – Richie Sambora will not let UYD use “It’s My Life” to open the rest of their episodes, so they’re left to their own devices.
31:28 – Jah asks Seth if he knows that they made a Garbage Pail Kids movie and it was live-action. Seth did not know this. Seth goes by “Bad Breath Seth” (Episode 037, 41:31) but Jah doesn’t think there was a Jonathan GPK. Seth discovers at 35:01 that Jah does not have a Garbage Pail Kid.
49:13 – Seth and Jah reference a couple of UYD staples, Enemy Mine (Episode 128, 12:41) and They Live. Jah then asks Seth about Moon, which came out a couple years ago with Sam Rockwell and Kevin Spacey.
2:33 – Seth and Jah were doing a little research about the world of R&B, hip-hop and pop. Jah says not to sleep on Stargate.
5:46 – Jah has noticed that the Facebook logo button with the “f” on it is popping up everywhere, on bus advertisements and at the end of new commercials, etc.
16:26 – Being that it’s UYD’s Valentine’s Day episode, it’s fair to remind listeners that “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
28:34 – This Friday, Feb. 11, Uhh Yeah Dude turns 5 years old. Episode 001 was released on Feb. 11, 2006.
45:34 – Jah reveals that the version of Smashmouth’s “All Star” that was read on the show (Episode 166, 0:14) was penned by listener John – who is the brother of their other friend, Will (electronic brother Baths), who Jogger was on tour with. Seth think Baths should remix that song in his set.
2:30 – Seth and Jah just stalled eight minutes so they could start the show at 4:20 a.m. Seth realized they could’ve just said it was and no one would’ve known, but that proves the authenticity with which they run their show.
2:15 – Seth wonders how he looks. He wonders if Jah would’ve known that Seth had surgery if Seth had never told him. Jah says he might’ve suspected that Seth had sustained some type of an injury because he’s favoring his leg still and it’s padded out more than the other leg.
44:34 – Jah wishes there was a home test for testosterone. He thinks it could be as valid in your daily activities as taking blood pressure.
2:27 – Jah mixes up some psychotic sound effects
2:43 – Seth just applied some lip balm before they started dropping some lip bombs.
3:09 – Seth’s 20-year high school reunion is coming up.
11:23 – The voicemail is back up, after a brief technical hiatus.
22:02 – Jah has more questions for girls. He wants to know how many girls that listen to this show have ever gotten hit on by a cop after getting pulled over. He wants to know if they got out of the ticket and if they gave him their phone number.
45:22 – Jah wants to know why there isn’t a smaller, personal, more affordable lie detector test.
2:42 – This is Episode Number Two-Hundred Sixty Fruit.
2:53 – Seth announces his presence by whistling (Episode 144, 0:25, 1:02 and 1:17)
1:10:23 – Jah can’t bake, so Seth thinks he might get him a cooking/baking class for his birthday as a couples gift with Jah’s lady.
59:57 – Jah begins reading trippy stuff. Many people on Earth are from other star systems, other galaxies, even other universes. These are called star seeds, walk-ins, light workers – human beings with alien DNA, or star-borne mortals. Star seeds have been coming since the beginning of Earth’s history, getting experience in being human – reincarnating over and over again, until they were ready for what’s called an awakening in the age of Aquarius and the ascension in the age of Aquarius that happens in 2012. Jah then reads characteristics of star seeds: compelling eyes, lower-than-normal body temperature, flying dreams, children and animals are attracted to you even though you hate both, hypersensitive to electromagnetic forcefields, and unseen companions as a child.
2:59 – Baby Emerson, an internet sensation, is in the studio with Jonathan and Seth right now.
28:32 – Seth’s phone rings in the background. He has a new phone and doesn’t know how to turn the ringer off anymore.
32:49 – Jah wonders the last time Seth heard “Hollyweird.” Seth thinks maybe it was Fred Durst (Episode 188, 10:03).
35:05 – Seth makes a crazy hand job motion that freaks J-dawg out temporarily.
1:05:42 – The Ghost in Hobart makes its appearance in Seth’s studio. Something moves through the studio that they’ve never seen move before.
4:24 – Jah asks if the house can turn down the lights a little bit so he isn’t blinded every time he looks into the audience.
1:18:20 – To round out the show, Jonathan invites his good friend and Jogger band mate Amir up on stage. The two proceed to play a rousing rendition of “Don’t Know Much” by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville.
2:16 – Jah and Seth are a little tuckered out after going 90 minutes last week. They’re back in Seth’s apartment and back to normal.
3:01 – Jah and Seth received a gift in the form of an album, Bruce Willis’ The Return of Bruno. In the liner notes it says, “This album could not have been made without the help of the following people: My main mazain and co-potato head Robert Craft, the unwavering patience of Motown Records and lastly and most importantly, the big cat upstairs. Once upon a time, after wandering around in a daze for 12 years, in a hot, steamy, stankin’ Thursday night late in June 1986 I walked into a low-down and dirty dive called Club Babylon. It was my kind of place. On stage was a band who within 10 seconds had my little pink R&B toes tappin’. I knew I’d get along with these guys immediately. They all had dirty under their fingernails. I approached the bar, I ordered a Lamey Lo and quicker than a cat may blink its eye, the leader of these rhythm merchants said, “Hey Bruno, wanna sit in?” The rest as they say in this crazy mixed-up patchwork quilt of a town they call Hollywood is history. Your pal, Bruno.”
43:42 – Seth wonders if it would be crazy if he liked Jake Gyllenhaal. He won’t say it yet, he wants to do more research, but he thinks he just needs the right vehicle. Neither Seth nor Jah has ever watched Brokeback Mountain, but they think they might need to do it together.
58:20 – Jah understands that UYD is wanted in other places for possible live shows, and on that note he wants all to know that they are committed to doing that over the next several months.
1:01:54 – Seth warns everyone to hydrate this week.
32:39 – Jah thinks that people who carry iPads down the street in Seattle deserve to have them stolen by junkies.
2:27 – It’s May, and J-dawg has royal wedding fever. 17:03 – After several seconds of a loud, piercing alarm going off in the background, Seth asks listeners if they can hear it as well.
51:14 – Since Seth is one of those guys who will go to a massage chair in a shopping mall, Jonathan wonders if Seth would be willing to accept a possibility of interest in a hand and face washing station that isn’t in a bathroom.
15:26 – Seth wonders if UYD started getting mad money, what should they invest in? Jah says they should invest in Half Brick, the company that put out the Fruit Ninja app.
1:12:15 – Seth admonishes people to just be honest this week.
1:13:36 – Jah gets trippy and begins reading from Deskerati: “The concept of time as a way to measure the duration of events is not only deeply intuitive; it also plays an important role in our mathematical descriptions of physical systems. For instance, we define an object’s speed as its displacement per a given time. But some researchers theorize that this Newtonian idea of time as an absolute quantity that flows on its own, along with the idea that time is the fourth dimension of spacetime, are incorrect. They propose to replace these concepts of time with a view that corresponds more accurately to the physical world: time as a measure of the numerical order of change.” They are suggesting that space-time has no time dimension.
1:44 – Seth wonders if they should do the whole show in hushed dulcitone voices.
25:42 – Jonathan’s cell phone alarm starts to go off in the background.
36:00 – Jah wonders about the percentage of people who go against their natural inclination and choose to be homosexual because it’s taboo. Jah thinks it might be 30% of gay people.
55:01 – Jah asks if he can tell a joke: “What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass.”
55:41 – Jah admits the UYD store is behind on shipping. Everything that has been ordered will be coming to you, just be patient.
56:20 – Jah says UYD would like to come to other cities to do live UYD shows, and queries listeners to inform him of any people they might know who could set them up with venues.
5:59 – Jah and Seth sing a jingle for a Southern California LAP-BAND weight loss surgery center: “Call 1-800-GET-THIN!”
12:42 – Seth shows Jonathan some mailbox money. He received a residual check worth $25.45. The shoot day was April 3, 2005 – shortly before the start of UYD in February 2006. This was no for Crossroads – it was for McBride No. 6 – “Did Anybody Here Murder Marty?” It re-aired on Christmas Day 2010. This means that Jonathan should receive an actual check for it because he and Amir did the music for the movie, and each time something airs he gets about $400.
13:20 – Jonathan is drinking a Fresita premium Chilean sparkling wine, infused with hand-picked strawberries from Patagonia.
1:02:23 – Volume 9 of Seth’s Corner is now up on the UYD website. It starts off with several openings of TV shows, then plunges in after that. Seth watched it last night and declares that it is a good one. It’s funny and it makes you think.
2:12 – Seth is in anti-distress. There’s one reason for it – Diet Dr Pepper, with Thor on his can.
9:13 – Jonathan is drinking another Fresita (Episode 274, 13:20). Jah likes it because it’s sticky and sweet. Seth wonders how many J-dawg could drink in one setting. He says he could drink 8-11 of them.
13:17 – Seth thinks Lil’ Jon should start a pizza chain.
33:06 – Jonathan wonders if they should add a “UYD Advisor” portion to the website where people can submit questions and they can give them answers.
10:17 – Seth goes about 30-50 on his SPF depending on his mood because he likes to be sun-kissed. Jah thinks that’s like wearing a linen suit. If J-dawg’s in Hawaii he’ll put SPF 30 on his nose.
26:24 – Seth thinks Prince might have been right when he said the internet was done. Seth gets on there and can’t find anything anymore.
22:45 – Seth gives a shout-out to his sister city, Pittsburgh.
45:24 – Jah asks Seth if he has an inny or an outie. Seth replies, “Oh don’t be sick” (Episode 081, 28:47). There’s not a person in the world who would think Seth has an outie going on. Seth is repulsed by disgusting outies, like Katie Holmes’.
2:27 – Jah begins the episode by riffing on a song by Hot Chelle Rae called “Tonight Tonight.”
18:12 – Seth reminds us that Archie comics is based on his high schoo, Haverhill High School. Seth wonders if he could be a friend of Kevin in the upcoming gay comic.
19:58 – Seth reveals that there’s a new edition, Volume 10, of Seth’s Clips up on the UYD website.
1:06:31 – Jah tells us that chizzuh, or Charlie, a big UYD supporter and presence on the forums, coaxed Jah into checking out a new social networking feature that launched recently called TurntableFM. They started a UYD room and J-dawg checked it out. It was the only experience doing something with social networking where he felt he was getting something he wouldn’t normally get in another venue. Jah admits it’s a little lame but it’s quasi-awesome.
7:12 – Seth’s formative years were when he came up in recess. Jah wouldn’t call it recess, he would call it “nutrition.” (Episode 041, 43:24)
8:59 – Whenever J-dawg sees Channing Tatum’s name, he always thinks of Biffin’s Bridge. His name makes him think of a choade, which is also known as a taint. So he thinks of the small piece of skin between his scrotum and asshole.
38:45 – The 9/11 anniversary is coming up. Friend of the show Turquoise Wisdom is flying to New York on 9/11. He thinks it should be free.
59:06 – Jah declares that pronunciation is the twin brother of intonation.
3:17 – Jah loves when shows fall on the first of the month – especially Seth’s birthday month
9:04 – The guys received an amazing piece of UYD needlepoint that is awesome.
11:10 – Seth wants to make sure Jah has no gum on him this week. Jah apologizes because many UYD listeners sent in complaints about how loud it sounded in last week’s episode. In Jah’s defense, however, he is trying to quit smoking.
1:13:51 – The mailman comes by Seth’s door with a returned item of some piece of merchandise that Jonathan sent to listener Tonya.
3:52 – Volume 11 of Seth’s Corner is up on the UYD website.
1:02:07 – Jah loves Seth but he asks if he can go home soon.
1:09:22 – Jah brings in an electrocution sound effect in post production to shock people.
39:18 – Jah wonders how many people who listen to UYD are on Megan’s Law. Seth estimates 30%.
1:00:32 – Jah asks Seth if he thinks it’s weird they had a candlelight vigil outside of the Apple Store on the 3rd Street Promenade the other night.
57:15 – Hold off on calling Jah’s cell phone for now. We’re having some financial/technical/Occupy Hobart issues. “It’s very hard to charge a phone when you’re living in a tent,” says Jah.
4:00 – Seth reminds everyone to check the batteries on their smoke alarms. People have been telling Jah to tell Seth that because they know this is the time of year when he brings it up. Seth also reminds people to check their carbon monoxide detectors so people don’t kill each other like Jonathan and Seth did in Episode 089.
13:23 – UYD will be having a live show in Seattle in January 2012 on Friday the 13th at the Neptune Theatre in the University district. It’s an all-ages show and there will be a bar with ID. You can get tickets by using the click-through on the UYD website or by visiting stgpresents.org.
19:32 – Seth says his excitement about the UYD animation was slightly premature. It’s being extended and worked out by Jeff and Roy and will be on the website eventually.
1:11:58 – Jah has a short thing to read from a friend of the show. Any time he sends him something, it piques J-dawg’s interest: “The most important things are other people and significant experiences. Of the latter we have spoken. There are significant people in our lives, or there are people who become significant as soon as we feel the strong necessity to deal with ourselves. They are not necessarily those who we or others suppose to be significant at first sight. We touch one another differently, affect one another in quite different ways. Two people may be useful to one another, or quite useless. Or quite useless in this recurrence. It is not a matter of propinquity, but a position in psychological space. From the standpoint of the re-entry of the light, our relationships to certain people begin to have a new and quite peculiar value – one that cannot ever be given by the notion of passing time. We meet again, thus our relationships always lie ahead of us. This is the chief change of standpoint that is necessary to make for otherwise signficiant elements in our lives will not be understood. If we are blind to significant elements and do not value or understand them, they remain inactive in the light, but if we see them in a special light, they become active. It will give inner attention to them, inner feeling, inner thought in a way impossible when we are gripped by the illusion of passing time. Conscience will begin or consciousness in time. These active points lying in the light are to be thought of as capable as spreading their influences in either direction in the recurrences of light, i.e. backwards and forwards, obliterating useless parts of light by growing into them. By useless parts, I mean accidental circumstances, contacts and phases in the light that have no real significance or only a harmful one. We must form the picture of the light as a growth, transverse to time and capable of growing not merely in one part but in many parts, i.e. we must get rid of the idea that light only grows from the present.”
16:44 - UYD is doing two live shows - Friday, Jan. 13, 2012 at 8 p.m. at the Neptune Theater in Seattle (stgpresents.org) and Thursday, Feb. 2, 2012 at 8 p.m. Largo at the Coronet Theater (largo-la.com).
26:51 - Jah asks if you're supposed to tip your mailman on Christmas. His understanding was you're supposed to tip mailmen, milk men and garbagemen.
1:11:25 – There was an issue with the UYD website this week. It was shut down, and when it went back up, everything was lost. Somehow it got recovered. During the time it was gone forever, Jah found out that the wiki was still backed up and archived and all of Jeff’s show notes were backed up. Jah was blown away by the reminder of the fact that the people who keep it going are crazy. He gets trippy with it being Thanksgiving and gives thanks to all.
4:52 – Jah says Episode 300 should be the introduction of the third entity on the show, which is the zany voice guy.
2:08 – This is an entire new threshold when you leap over the event horizon.
1:02:26 – Jah is maxed out with 5,000 friends on Facebook. He can still receive friend requests but can’t accept them. However, people can subscribe and follow his page without being his friend – there is no limit to how many people can do that.
3:14 – The holidays can be depressing. UYD got a lot of voicemails to this effect.
25:55 – Jah gives us an epic “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
1:00:32 – Jah apologizes for all the website troubles.
1:00:46 – UYD put up a bunch of videos on its YouTube channel (youtube.com/uhhyeahdude), featuring a bunch of cut-up segments from live shows.
2:33 – This episode was originally recorded on Sunday, June 5, 2011, and was hosted by Marcia and Seth Romatelli. This is Marcia’s third episode to co-host.
19:46 – Marcia wants to know when tonic changed to soda. She used to call coke and pepsi “tonic.” Dungarees are now called jeans and pocketbooks are now called purses. Grinders are now called subs.
4:29 – These are your final days to purchase tickets for the UYD show in Seattle (1/13 at the Neptune Theater)
0:57 – A raucous Seattle crowd greets Jah and Seth
1:19:12 – Jah gives in to popular demand and shows the crowd his tattoo.
1:27:06 – Seth pulls out some mailbox money from being a famous actor on Crossroads. He’s got the $8 check to prove that he worked with Britney Spears.
2:42 – Jah and Seth thank everyone who came to join them last week up in Seattle.
1:27 – A Largo crowd greets Jonathan and Seth. Jah and Seth give props to the animations that played before the show, brought to us by 55inch, pu and Landfill Bill.
]]>9:54 – In Connecticut, 14 girls in the last two months have been sexually assaulted by guys they’ve met on Myspace
10:15 – Annual Run to the top of the Empire State Building in NYC – winners were Andrea Mair of Austria and Thomas Dold of Germany – it was Mair’s third women’s race title in a row in record time – completed 2-mile race in 11:23. Dold did it in 10:19.
21:26 – Alan Shalleck found covered in garbage bags in front of mobile home – helped bring Curious George to TV; found dead just before the Curious George movie was released
23:05 – A sampling of the 911 calls Seth hears on Good Morning America, when they reveal that 200 million people call it every year – many of them non-emergencies: Hey, what time is it? … Um, is it winter time or is it summer time? Because the seasons change … Uhh yeah, I need the number for Pizza Hut! I can’t get it from Pizza Hut, I can’t get it from the directory and I can’t get it from 411! I need a pizza! … Um, hello. I’m at Burger King right now, and I’m ordering a Western Bacon Cheeseburger and they’re making it wrong. This is an emergency! I want you to send an officer down here right now!
36:17 – On this date in 1989, in order to gain deregulation, the WWF (now WWE) admitted in a N.J. state court that pro wrestling was an exhibition and not a sport
47:32 – The Army sent a bill to a 25-year-old first lieutenant who was injured in Iraq. The bill was for $632 to pay for his body armor vest that he didn’t return. He didn’t return it because he was shot, it was covered in blood and the medics burned it on the battlefield as a biohazard. They had to hold a fundraiser in his hometown to pay for it
49:45 – Jessica McClure (Baby Jessica) was married in Midland, TX this week
4:03 – Gonzaga dean of students has to tell students to quit chanting “Brokeback Mountain!” at opposing players
25:54 – Lonnie Billiter Jr. of Colerain Township, Ohio, becomes eighth person ever to bowl three perfect games in a row.
37:04 - A San Diego fire truck at the scene of a pre-dawn traffic accident burst into flames when its engine caught on fire
37:54 – Rural firefighters in Monett, Mo., stood by and watched a fire destroy a garage and a vehicle because the property owner had not paid his membership dues. The man was injured in the fire trying to battle it himself with a garden hose and buckets while the firefighters stood by and watched it.
44:45 – The Harlem Globetrotters are going to be at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Ticket prices are up to $130
46:13 – In 2000, Boston University calculated the odds of an average player making a hole-in-one in the game of golf. The odds are 12,000 to 1. The average of 2 players playing in a foursome making a hole-in-one on the same hole are 17 million to 1. This happened recently – two brothers did this while playing.
5:58 – In Washington, D.C., a man who claimed to have a cell phone implanted in his head was convicted of jumping the White House fence in a bid to meet Chelsea Clinton
6:58 – Man got in an argument with his girlfriend and jammed her cell phone down her throat. Woman claims she swallowed it
23:13 – Phillip Swan, president of TVpredictions.com: “Cameron Diaz looks like a mess in high definition. You can see her acne scars. It’s the ultimate reality TV.”
24:23 – Sheriff in Spotsylvania, Va., isn’t allowing his detectives to receive sexual services while investigating suspected prostitution
36:35 – In Italy, sexually abusing a teen is deemed a less serious crime if the girl’s not a virgin. Seth: “I saw The Accused. Leo Rossi.”
53:27 – In France, three photographers that photographed Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed the night of their fatal 1997 crash have each been symbolically fined one euro for their roles in her death.
54:48 – An unlicensed doctor in San Francisco, Stephen Bryan Turner, was injecting patients with a saline solution he claimed was a vaccine for various afflictions
56:23 – The Philadelphia 76ers, in cooperation with local police, are offering fans free tickets to upcoming games if they turn in a handgun
57:09 – Yoplait yogurt breast cancer campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.”
9:47 – There was a car accident that transpired last week in Los Angeles. It occurred on the PCH in Malibu and involved an Enzo Ferrari – which costs between $600,000 and $1 million. The car hit a telephone pole and got cut in half, while the telephone pole flipped over 180 degrees and was hanging by its own wires. The driver, Stephone, claimed he wasn’t the driver of the car, but he was. It turns out he was racing against a Mercedes SLR. Stephone’s story is that he’s a failed video game inventor that made a racing game. Now here he is in real life racing at 162 miles per hour. He came out of it with nothing but a cut lip. Eight days later, we find out that Scotland Yard is investigating a claim that a bank claims to own the Enzo, a Gloc gun cartridge was found at the scene that they’re trying to tie to him, and “Homeland Security officials” arrived at the scene to investigate him. They were found out to work at a transit company in the San Gabriel Valley that is a front for some kind of illegal operation that they haven’t figured out what it is.
41:18 – Kevin Garnett story – threw ball into stands and barely hit a fan; apologizes to man; man pretends to be seriously injured and gets carried out of arena in a stretcher
47:04 – Dr. Louis Gottschalk (not Louis Gossett Jr.), a renowned psychiatrist at UC-Irvine, was duped into squandering $1.3 million of his family’s fortune in a Nigerian internet scam. He traveled to Nigeria and began meeting with people called “The General” and other Nigerians to let them know he was serious about getting the money.
56:43 – Flight attendant on Virgin Atlantic flight screamed at the top of her lungs “We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash!” after the plane experienced some turbulence
7:23 – Forbes’ billionaire ranking list came out. Sergey Brin, co-owner of Google, is worth $12,900,000,000, but Larry Page, the other co-owner, is only worth $12,800,000,000
24:40 – Celebrities’ kids wack names: Nic Cage – Kal-el; Sly Stallone – Sage Moonblood; Rob Morrow – Tu; Jason Lee – Pilot Inspector; Shannon Sossamon – Audio Science; Jonathan Davis of Korn – Pirate; David Duchovny/Téa Leoni – Kyd; Ginuwine – Story; Robert Rodriguez – Rebel, Racer, Rogue and Rocket.
28:25 – Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall’s Brokeback shirts sell for $100,000+; Crash screenplay signed by writer, director, cast sells for $255. Seth: “I could grill up veggie bacon right now, manipulate a face of Jesus and sell it for $300 tomorrow.”
41:36 – Second-grade kid brings live grenade into show-and-tell. Seth: “Would you rather have your kid bring a grenade or cocaine into class.” Jah: “Grenade.”
44:22 – Dairy worker and 8-year-old son die in a 10-foot deep manure pit
47:33 – Border patrol guys nabbed for smuggling illegal immigrants across borders
48:57 – Shannon Kennedy is deaf, yet she went to the Bon Jovi show at the Key Center in Seattle. She had a music interpreter, Joanne Ball, to do sign language so she could get the full effect of Bon Jovi’s songs
54:04 – Kansas church protesting funerals of Iraqi war victims because they are defending a country that accepts homosexuality
5:18 – LA Marathon is coming up, the 21st. Seth will be there. There are 289 people who have run all 20 LA Marathons; they’re called “Legacy Runners” 25,000 runners in all
31:05 – Chicago police come to arrest man after having fight with girlfriend, hurls objects at cops including his own severed penis (Seth: “Junior Mints, a lamp, a potted plant, a Shamrock Shake and a cock. Take that!”)
33:57 – A 15-year-old boy whose followers believe he’s the reincarnation of Buddha has disappeared after 10 solid months of meditation in the jungles of Nepal. He has been sitting cross-legged and motionless with his eyes closed on the roots of a tree with no food or water since May 17, 2005. Jah thinks he got eaten by a Tiger or cut by the Chinese or he got up and went to find a Shamrock Shake
35:33 – Federal authorities seized 250 counterfeit $1 billion bills. The swindlers tried to convince the elderly victims that the notes were recovered from caves in the Phillipines where freedom fighters stashed them in World War II
57:47 – Guy on a COPS episode – explanation why he doesn’t come to the door: “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘love is blind?’ Well you should try fear.”
25:13 – Seth lists off the AVN Award winners
35:12 – Deborah Lafave overview, interview with ex-husband Owen Lafave.
54:27 – Horn Lake, Mississippi cops break into what they think is a meth lab, beat down an 80-year-old couple while sleeping
56:23 – In his upcoming movie Alpha Dog, Justin Timberlake is playing a tough guy, yet is sporting a Chinese tattoo that translates into “ice skating”
52:53 – Babies in bars
54:13 – FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women – Jenny McCarthy is No. 7
54:58 – Matisyahu has some stiff competition on the reggae charts: Bob Marley (deceased) and Ziggy Marley
14:13 – Next weekend in Palm Springs – the White Party – the hottest bodies around. It’s the gay party of the year. You dress in white if you’re dressed at all
53:27 – 35 million Americans wear contacts, including Seth. Optometrists have found a new eye fungus, fuserium, which drops on the cornea.
56:20 – The new fuserium outbreak originally mentioned in Episode 009 is a result of people using Bausch & Lomb Renu contact solution. Seth thinks the Chicago Tylenol murderer who used cyanide in 1982 is now tampering with the contact solution
12:53 – At gay pride parade in June, Castro district is going to have gay families involved – kids clad in Village People outfits dancing around on floats. Seth: “Assless rubber chaps and crocs. Hey I’m 6. No. No! You live in the suburbs. Just play T-ball. Stop wearing chaps. Stop being on floats. Stop it.”
49:09 – Purcell, OK police chief David Tompkins potential motive: “This appears to be another one of those kidnap a person, rape em, torture em, kill em, cut off their head, drain their body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, dispose of the organs, bury the bones.”
51:04 – Mark Ecko pulls internet hoax by painting an airplane like Air Force One and acting like they spray painted it rogue style
59:40 – Webster’s adds a new word for the dictionary in ’05: jimmy hat
19:03 – Charlie Sheen took a portrait of his wedding day, spray-painted DUMBEST DAY OF MY LIFE and then took a chainsaw to it
50:05 – Gas prices are so high in L.A. that dudes are purposely running out of gas so the courtesy trucks will pull up and give them a gallon
25:28 – Of the 32 countries at the World Cup, every single country has a flag of their country on the back of their bus except U.S.A. so they won’t blow us up
38:54 – A review of CBS News Sunday Morning’s Into the Future: 2001 segment from 1986: rep from GM says car will be commanded by own voice; bathroom will be a crazy collage with a stationary bike and bed, etc.
41:21 – More collect calls are made on Father’s Day than any other day. Seth: “Hey dick dad – thanks for raping me. I hate you and you’re going to die! Sperm donor dad! Click.”
41:56 – The United States Postal Service (USPS) has created a Forever Stamp that will always be usable, despite the rising costs of postage.
51:00 – Ohio man being put to death leans up to executioner after lethal injection is given: “It’s not working.”
54:01 – Top 20 ringtones as of today: #1 is a tie between the Halloween theme song and the Super Mario Bros. theme song
49:03 – Boyfriend came into gas station where girl worked, doused her in gas and set her on fire. Brother of victim: “She was the sweetest person. She had a fire in her that you would just love.”
59:35 – Newlywed couple pleads not guilty to drug charges in front of the same judge who pronounced them husband and wife the day before
3:58 – Anderson Cooper watches Super Sweet 16 Part 2 and Tiara Girls on MTV
5:59 – Louisiana Democrat William Jefferson was taking bribes, was caught with $90,000 wrapped in aluminum foil in his freezer
7:25 – New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is re-elected, and talks about N.O. being a “chocolate city” and keeping it that way: “You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk and it becomes a delicious drink. That’s the kind of chocolate I’m talking about.”
14:49 – In Sidney, Neb., a man sexually assaulted a young child. The judge acknowledges that the man is guilty, but she sentences him to 10 years probation because he’s only 5-foot-1, and says he’s too short to go to prison
18:35 – Grown men going to HS football games, bringing video cameras and training them on the cheerleaders and selling them on the internet
48:15 – Last weekend a guy dressed up in full Freddy Krueger regalia attacked a homeless man on Hollywood and La Brea and put him in the hospital
48:56 – In Cincinnati, a vampire man protests the new Garlic Cheeseburger at White Castle
52:09 – Sir Edmund Hillary outraged at mountain climber who left another to die (Mark Ingles – double amputee who was previously rescued leaves other to die)
0:38 – Third baseman for Long Beach State baseball team up for top college player of the year. His name? Evan Longoria. Seth: “Does Evan Longoria listen to our show?” (55:15)
4:52 – Anderson Cooper is “so into The Hills” and can’t wait for “Beyond the Break”
55:51 – 24-year-old Cory Favreau stabs his mom with a sharp cross-shaped object over disagreement about American Idol contestant Katherine McPhee
18:52 – A man has fucked a pony to death while two dudes watched
21:33 – Omni Magazine’s predictions made in 1979 (ex.: In a few years ESP will not be fiction – it will be fact. By the late ’80s, we’ll have cloned human beings.; A modern subway will carry passengers from NYC to LA in 21 minutes at a cost of $54. Top speed: 14,000 mph)
1:44 – Girls at Arizona State University doing the “Arizona Double Dip” – get a Mystic tan, then immediately get on tanning beds and bake Mystic tan into their bodies
33:06 – New ringtone referred to as “mosquito ringtone” that has a frequency so high it will drive kids away from particular places. Kids can text each other in class without teachers knowing.
43:55 – “Deadcasts.” Live feeds via the internet where you can attend a funeral service
6:10 – Crazy words added to Webster’s Dictionary (ex: mouse potato) Jah: “You’re such a mouse potato! Why don’t you get out and take a walk?!”
3:33 – Oregon man sues Nike and Phil Knight because he looks like Michael Jordan
16:52 – Trucker driving cross country and killing prostitutes gets caught by walking into a police station with a woman’s breast in his front pocket
41:59 – This Week In Brazil: 9-year-old woman becomes the youngest documented mother in the history of man
3:37 – Pete Coors gets a DUI
18:55 – Haley Joel Osment flips his ’95 Saturn on the freeway (Seth: “There’s a rule in Hollywood: You can’t drive a car that’s older than the year you were nominated for an academy award.”)
24:04 – Rehash of story about boyfriend shoving cell phone down girlfriend’s mouth – jury lets him off b/c apparently they buy the story of her trying to swallow the phone to hide the numbers from her boyfriend
56:25 – “Bagging” – kids stick heads in bags of mothballs
40:10 – Crazy minor league baseball team promotions: Newark Bears – Britney Spears Baby Safety Night; Michigan Devil Rays – picked 3 lucky fans and sent them home with their own grounds crew; Altoona Curves – Awful Night game – do everything to make experience as unpleasant as possible for the fans, including having people heckle them and selling bottomless beer cups (you can purchase the bottom of the cup for 13 cents); Hagarstown Suns – Pre-planned Funeral Night, where one lucky fan was given a $6,500 value funeral; Nobody Night – tried to set record for lowest baseball attendance for a minor league baseball game, so fans were locked out of the game until the fifth inning when it became official; Father’s Day giveaway where two fans received a free vasectomy; first 500 fans received frozen popsicles shortly after Ted Williams’ son tried to cryogenically freeze Ted’s body
54:18 – Provincetown, MA: Gays verbally abusing straights by calling them “breeders.”
7:20 – U.S. Army having trouble recruiting people; raises the maximum enlistment age from 40 to 42 in the first week of June ’06. Five dudes have signed up since.
52:44 – Jamaican sprinter Asafa Powell can’t get on a plane because of custom shoes
54:30 – Long time listener, first time killer Wayne Adam Ford enters police station with tit in pocket (first mentioned in Episode 023 @ 16:52) … Victoria Redstall falls in love with him. Now Jah’s falling in love with her.
7:27 – On Google searching, these words come up the most in the state of Utah: Jesus, second coming, scrapbooking, digiscrapping, UYD, baby names, potty training, quilting, barbie
48:21 – PETA activists go back to given birth names (Christopher Garnett – last three years known as “KentuckyFriedCruelty.com” Karen Roberts changed name to “GoVeg.com” Another changed name to “RinglingBeatsAnimals.com”)
12:39 – Study released by GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) shows that for the fall 06 TV schedule, there are a total of only 14 LGBT characters (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender)
32:53 – America’s Drunkest Cities – 1) Milwaukee, 2) Minneapolis/St. Paul, 3) Columbus, OH, 4) Boston, 5) Austin, 6) Chicago, 7) Cleveland, 8) Pittsburgh, 9) Philadelphia, 10) Providence RI
47:06 – Ron Artest to kids: “Someone started trouble, and I ended it.”
20:31 – Flat daddy – life-size photo of your dad who’s in Iraq so kids can pretend that he’s still there
1:35 – State Fair of Texas specializes in crazy fried foods: first-ever corn dog; first fried Twinkie; deep-fried Coca-Cola
18:09 – Iran claims they’ve found a cure for AIDS
25:33 – Mancations – vacation for the boys to roll out
46:19 and 54:53 – Best names in NFL: Samari Rolle, Peerless Price, Jabari Greer, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Ebanezer Ekuban, Takeo Spikes, Jeremetrius Butler, Laverneaus Coles, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, Boss Bailey, Deuce McAlister, Tully Banta-Cain, Asante Samuel, Ty Law, Frostee Rucker, Chika Okafor, Tank Johnson, Bubba Franks, Anquan Boldin, Jevon Kearse, Marques Tuiasasopo, Na’il Diggs
48:54 – Crazy religious community in the Ozarks of Missouri – child predator charges filed against pastor. He says he was ordained by God to fulfill needs of these young girls by giving them Angel Kisses: Seth re-enacts scene with kissing sound effects: If it didn’t feel good, God wouldn’t let me do it. God’s good. It’s an angel kiss
21:17 – FDA warns U.S. citizens not to drink hydrogen peroxide for medical purposes
24:03 – Furniture store owner in Chicago guarantees free furniture if Bears shut out Packers, Bears won 26-0 and he is out $400,000 in furniture
26:30 – Kids choose to eat rocks with Spongebob stickers on them instead of real fruit
36:32 – Taking Action for Animals conference in D.C. – president of Humane Society suggests a new term for dogs: “Canine Americans.”
24:13 – Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell all fired from SNL. Jah: “If Tim Meadows can’t get fired, how the fuck can Horatio Sanz get fired?!”
31:21 – The “Red-Headed Stranger” Willie Nelson got pulled over with a pound and a half of marijuana and 91 grams of mushrooms
36:11 – LW McNutt Jr. – Collin Street Bakery famous for mail-order holiday fruitcakes. From October – December, 1.5 million are sold. One customer was turned away in 1979 – Ayatollah Khomeini following Iran hostage crisis
43:54 – Gary Glitter’s song "Rock & Roll Part 2" has been banned from NFL stadiums b/c Glitter is a peed
45:43 – Oxford Dictionary’s new words: aerobicised, hoodie, crunk, yogalates, etc.
31:50 – People wearing Crocs getting stuck on escalators and trampled
50:24 – Ohio doctor stripped of his license after treating patients by “traveling back in time and healing them before their injury occurs.”
54:06 – Sarah Evans (country artist who sang “Cheatin’”) dropped out of Dancing With the Stars because her husband was in fact cheating on her
20:07 – National Retail Federation releases list of top 10 best-selling lists for men and women. Girls are the usual, but the guys are crazy: #4 – Star Wars; #7 – Matrix; also “Pirate,” “Funny” and “Goth” themes, etc.
12:40 – Martin Cooper placed first mobile phone call in 1973 – helped invent it
24:26 – Footage surfaces of Army recruiters lying to potential recruits, saying they wouldn’t have to go to Iraq. One dude: I like sandwiches. I’m watching the news yesterday, some dude got shot and killed at a Subway. What’s the deal? You go there you get shot by Jared. Seth: "I like Happy Meals. I heard about some kid that got raped in the parking lot of a McDonald’s in Green Bay, Wisconsin. What’s up? You wanna get raped? I’d rather get shot than raped. Sign right here. And then let me put my cock in your mouth.”
19:43 – There are currently 12,000 Starbucks in the U.S. but they want 20,000 in a couple years. They’re opening 5 stores a day and their revenue was close to $8 billion for 2005 worldwide
7:58 – U2charist – Episcopalian churches across the country are kicking off Sunday masses with “Pride” and “In The Name Of Love”
11:33 – At the annual meeting of American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology in Philadelphia this week, they find that many women are allergic to their spouse’s semen. One solution is allergy shots with small doses of the male partner’s semen and the other is a technique called intravaginal seminal graded challenge (ISGC)
23:35 – Heidi Fleiss is opening a stud farm with first big stallion under contract, Mike Tyson
42:00 – People getting shot and nerds getting jumped outside of game stores for their PS3s
12:55 – Heidi Fleiss’s stud farm mentioned in Episode 039 turns out to be a farce
17:05 – Woman taken off Delta Airlines flight for breastfeeding
20:27 – Jones Soda crazy flavors: Broccoli Casserole, Corn on the Cob and Brussel Sprout, Fish Taco and Curry Chicken
23:05 – Maurice Graham aka “King of the Hobos” passes away; Seth delves into hobo vocabulary (sloptart = girl who will give you sexual pleasure in exchange for a weapon)
40:23 – American teens are texting while driving (TWD) and getting in fender benders. Hovering over these teens are “helicopter parents,” parents who “hover” over their children’s lives from Kindergarten through college
1:01:27 – University of Georgia has installed gender-neutral restrooms for transgendered students
6:19 – British magazine Q lists 20 best songs of last 20 years, and most of them are shitty
25:40 – Military reviewing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy
31:53 – Military using silly string in Iraq so it will land on trip wires when they’re going through doors
33:22 – E-mail turns 35 this week. 60 billion e-mails sent every day
35:00 – Man suing IBM for $5 million for wrongful termination. He was fired for surfing sex sites all the time. He says it was self medication for his post-traumatic stress disorder
36:31 – Utah Jazz’ new arena being renamed as Energy Solutions Arena, but people are upset because it’s a low-level nuclear waste company
37:52 – Boston Garden holds one-day auction for highest bidder to name the arena. Stockbroker in New York makes highest bid to name it the Derek Jeter Center, but they wouldn’t allow it and had another charity outbid him
48:13 – Actor Richard Belzer has played the character Det. John Munch on at least 7 different primetime TV shows
13:58 – Laughter yoga – builds lung capacity, relieves excess stress, has aerobic benefits. There are 60 certified laugh instructors just in the Los Angeles area alone. Jah has seen it from Jeremy Piven’s Journey of a Lifetime
15:11 – Day spas for infants is the new craze. Baby massage, baby yoga, baby sign language classes, body scrubs, facials, etc. They take the babies and roll them around in warm spaghetti
29:09 – During Super Bowl in ’04 they showed old commercials from ’84; Seth reflects on the first fax machine commercial
42:24 – “Armed and Famous” – celebrities sworn in as reserve police officers by Muncie, Indiana PD: Erik Estrada, Latoya Jackson, Jack Osborne, Wee Man and Trish Stratus
48:00 – Denny Welch (1,500 lbs.) inviting neighborhood kids over to watch gay porn
53:43 – The Laugh Factory fines comedians $20 now if they say the n-word on stage. Damon Wayans went up there with a handful of $20s and dropped 17 n-bombs in his routine
0:50 – Jack Kevorkian is going to be paroled and will be UYD’s first in-studio guest. They’re waiting on Brian Bosworth and Danger Mouse, but they’ll take Kevorkian in Episode 069 and be killed live on the show
2:25 and 8:17 – Consumer Affairs Top 10 scams of 2006: 7) gas pellets; 8) grandparents scam; 9) Oprah scam promising tickets to a taping; etc.
12:48 – On Jan. 1, NBA goes back to leather ball. Dan Shannon, the manager of campaigns for PETA, sent an open letter to the NBA. Claims that they will give a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any player who will support the microfiber ball.
22:09 – National Prison Rape Elimination Commission met this week and found out that people get raped in prison – about 1,000 each week for the last 20 years
41:58 – North Dakota still has laws against unmarried couples living together – registered as a sex offense
45:23 – Celiacs can’t enjoy beer because of the wheat and gluten they are susceptible to – 3 million Americans suffer from Celiac Disease
10:20 – P Diddy comes under fire for a jacket from his winter collection, advertised as imitation fur, but the Human Society purchased some of the jackets, ran tests and found out they come from a Chinese breed of dog that resembles a raccoon. Macy’s agrees to stop selling the coat, Diddy says “I dunno.”
24:49 – Mike Tyson was arrested in Arizona for driving into a police car and wiping white powder off the dash and having two huge bags of coke on him. He began crying and saying “I’m a cocaine addict.”
25:40 – A junior high school in Iowa City has banned hugging
30:38 – Flight rerouted from New York to Maine, they had to turn it back and land it because a male passenger handed a note to a stewardess written by God
41:31 – Response Options teaches us how to prevent school shootings – throw books and backpacks at the shooter
6:26 – On Nov. 7, 2006, at 4:30 p.m. at Chicago O’Hare Airport, up to 12 employees of United Airlines reported seeing a UFO
13:17 – Army sends letters to 75 dead soldiers asking them to return to active duty
39:02 – Tom Sizemore movie Zyzzyx Road – played at one theater in Dallas and grossed $30 over six days
41:08 – Bush administration officials have ordered the National Park Service to not give an official age for the Grand Canyon
54:24 – Man who saves guy in subway gets free subway rides for li— a year.
20:30 – AVN Best Film from Wicked Pictures: Fuck
39:17 – CVS starts to put condoms behind the counter
40:52 – Designer Babies and Deformer Babies
42:55 – Pillow angel – 4-foot-5 and 65 pounds at 9 years old. Doctors estimate she’ll be 5-6, 115-120 pounds as an adult, but the parents are giving her hormones that will keep her from getting any bigger so she will be easier to take care of
45:59 – Gang member with bullet stuck in head
49:58 – Pizza chain getting death threats because they are now accepting pesos. (Seth mispronounces Pizza Patrón)
52:12 – Oh Snap! story – college student sends professor disc filled with child pornography instead of final exam
0:44 and 6:11 – Promotion by two Sacramento DJs – “Hold your wee for a Wii.”
4:43 – Mitchell Hultz, 15, receives FBI medal at high school: “Git ’er Dun!!!”
10:16 – Harris poll polls a few thousand people across the country to count the top 10 TV personalities in the country: 1) Oprah, 2) Jon Stewart, 3) Bill O’Reilly, 4) House, 5) Letterman, 6) Leno, 7) Jack Bauer, 8) Ellen, 9) Conan O’Brien, 10) Ray Romano
15:08 – Feb. 17, 2009 is the last day of analog; July 7, 2007 will be the most popular wedding date ever
17:42 – L.A. trying to crack down on medical marijuana dispensaries (where Seth works). In less than a year the city has gone from four to 98. Undercover dude went in with a headache and the guy behind the counter tells him he needs some weed. Monday night at the Golden Globes, LAPD Chief of Police William Bratton and his wife were seated at the table with the cast of Weeds
19:45 – Representative from New Hampshire trying to pass a bill to legalize marijuana. The only problem is that his name is Charles Weed.
24:52 – Vivid Video the first to do a Blu-ray porn DVD
40:29 – 29-year-old impersonating 12-year-old and boning 61-year-old dude, another dude joins the mix
9:50 – National Academy of Sciences Institute of Medicine conducted a study that finds that due to doctors’ sloppy handwriting, over 7,000 people are killed every year and 1.5 million are injured due to unclear abbreviations in dosage indications on prescription pads
19:14 – Brian Lang, public access show host guaranteed Superbowl ticket from Chris Harris, Harris holds out on him. “Nah, I was just playin’. I just play like that. I’m a playa. I play. Do you play dog??! Or do you lie??!”
54:34 – Tony Snow says “Play that funky music, white girl” to White House correspondent Martha Raddatz after her cell phone goes off to the ringtone “Ridin’” by Chamillionaire
57:22 – Transit chief for city of Los Angeles being interviewed by LA Times reporter who writes about cutting down on smog, etc., and the transit chief drives a Hummer
16:32 – Signs up in Beijing in preparation for the ’08 Olympics: THE SLIPPERY ARE VERY CRAFTY; SHOW MERCY TO THE SLENDER GRASS; DEFORMED MAN (over picture of handicapped toilet); fertility clinic features movie poster with Steve Martin and Cheaper by the Dozen; HOSPITAL FOR ANUS DISEASE; CUNT EXAMINATION with an arrow pointing toward the gynecological clinic; PLEASE ENJOY USE OF THIS FRESH AND COOL STICK THAT QUENCH THIRST WILL on a dude’s ice cream wrapper; HE REPAIRS COTTAGES AND ALSO PLANTS FLOWERS. HIS EAGERNESS TO DO GOOD MAKES HIM ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR on the Alien 2 DVD cover
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
42:33 – Former NBA player John Amaechi comes out and tells the world he is homosexual. Players from the Philadelphia 76ers are not down with it
58:46 – 23-year-old Scott Hines of Augusta, Md., is being sued by the Recording Industry of America for illegal downloads. They’re randomly targeting people to send a message to the everyman. And what did Scott download? “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “What Would You Say?” by Dave Matthews Band and “Don’t Know Why” by Nora Jones. Jah: “You could square one over right away: He can’t even be sued for Tracy Chapman because that literally was the only way he could actually get a copy of that song. I live in Los Angeles. If you sent me out in the world right now, I could meet you back here in 24 hours. I could scour the city and I could somehow not find that song.”
12:16 – The Whale Man is busted in New Jersey. He goes around to middle schools and assemblies and teaches the kids about whales. On his website he has a whale t-shirt, big glasses and a beret. Known all over New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New York. Neighbor calls NJ state troopers to tell them he’s got mad weed growing at his house – ends up having 192 pot plants. They tell him they need to bring him in for questioning. Whale Man says he has to get contact info off his computer, and state trooper sees a photo of a whale head and a kid’s prick and body – Whale Man tries to pour Tang on computer – dude had 400+ images of child porn on the computer. Quotes from teachers on Whale Man’s website: Whale Man, you truly know children and know how they enjoy you. … Whale Man, you certainly have a unique talent for kids. … Whale Man, I was impressed with your ability for making the children proud of their curiosity. Seth: “Ask, believe, receive, six months in prison.”
17:22 – “Pint for a Pint” – college students donating blood, then taking money and drinking and letting it get through the bloodstream faster and getting wasted
19:15 – To save energy, Congress has changed Daylight Savings from the first Sunday in April to the second Sunday in March. Seth calls it a “Mini Y2K” that could cripple the world for up to 6 seconds – which means nothing will happen, just like during Y2K, when Seth fled California for Abiquiu, N.M.
23:46 – Eddie Feigner passes away at 81 – started the original King and his Court 4-man softball team that Seth’s father took him to see when he was a boy. They played more than 11,000 games and won more than 10,000. His fast-pitch softball was one of the top 10 of all time according to ESPN. Fastest ball he threw clocked in at 104 mph
39:48 – Tours at zoos all about animal sex (“Jungle Love”- NYC, “Woo at the Zoo” – San Francisco)
46:13 – 380 California inmates have voluntarily moved to other for-profit prisons. 7,000 will be forcibly moved by the summer. Inmates scheduled for deportation are the first to go, most violent will be next and people with the fewest visitors are next. Inmate who moves to a Tennessee prison: “You get 79 channels here including ESPN in HD. Get here!”
51:21 – Guy bidding on Price Is Right Showcase Showdown: “250,000. … oh wait, I mean, $60,000”
4:09 – NAACP Image awards – Best male lead: Isaiah Washington
34:23 – Splash and grab in Massachusetts – douse a cashier’s face with hot coffee and take the register
35:17 – It’s quite fashionable in the UK for young girls to get pregs. Jah does a female British accent: Like all me mates would see me bump right, and then I’m like, I want one of them.
42:38 – Netflix ships its 1 billionth DVD – took 7 ½ years to do it (7 mos. less than it took McDonald’s to sell their billionth hamburger). It was a guy from Texas and he received a lifetime free subscription to Netflix. What was his movie? Jah guesses The Marine, but it was Babel.
47:44 – Kevin Russell of Gary, IN, arrested at Chase Bank for trying to cash a check signed by God
48:44 – UPS has an agreement with cities to get tickets and then write one big check at the end of the year – wrote a check for $18.7 million to New York City for 2006
49:30 – San Francisco proclaims Feb. 23 as “Colt Studio Day” – only Colt Studio turns out to be a gay porn production studio
52:18 – New steroid ring is exposed, found a book with the name Evan Fields in it with a phone number. Evander Holyfield answers the phone and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Seth: “Hey, when you answer the phone because there’s a number next to your name, you straight did it.”
5:35 – 30-year-old guy and a 54-year-old guy collided in the middle of a two-way road, both were shitfaced drunk and went to prison for DUIs
11:50 – Bausch & Lomb is still trying to blind people. Now they’re putting too much iron in their Multi Plus solution
12:49 – 41% of people over the age of 18 visiting Myspace are older than 35. Seth: “What are 35-year-olds doing on Myspace?” Jah: “Catching up.”
13:58 – River City Bagel & Bakery in Boise, Idaho, ran an add in the Boise Weekly – had three bagels stacked on top of each other with a stack of coffee, read OUR BAGELS ARE LIKE VAGINAS. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?
30:02 – Blues Traveler frontman John Popper is pulled over by a state trooper in Washington state … they found weed and a pipe on him, then searched the car to find numerous secret weapon compartments, in which contained 4 rifles, 9 handguns, an oversized switchblade, a taser gun, night-vision goggles, flashing emergency light sirens and a public address system
50:02 – Northwest Airlines baggage person tries to spoon girl on plane, then creams on her
2:21 – Guy is suing the FCC because he says Prince’s Super Bowl halftime performance left him with erectile dysfunction; another mother is upset because it might turn her son gay
3:12 – Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers, is discovered to have faulty toilet piping that is connected to a storm drain instead of the sanitary sewer system. Since the park opened in 2001, a steady stream of shit has been going into the Menomonee River, which flows straight into Lake Michigan
4:33 – Ben Affleck is narrating a new sports DVD called “Red Sox Baby: Raising Tomorrow’s Boston Red Sox Fan Today.” It prepares infants to become Sox fans, and teaches counting, spelling, shape and color recognition. Seth: “I didn’t have that DVD, nor did anyone I know, and we didn’t have any problems getting indoctrinated into that Nation.”
31:05 – Registered sex offender in Sonora, Calif., arrested after a police officer who was sitting in his patrol car watched him drive around an elementary school several times and then sit and park there. Looks inside the van and the dude is wearing a full marching band uniform, and has children’s toys and a box marked CINDERELLA containing hardcore porn DVDs
31:52 – Lindsey Ashford, self-professed pedophile, has handicapped the 2008 presidential election based on the cuteness of the candidate’s daughters/granddaughters
35:02 – New Mexico signs legislation to outlaw cockfighting, leaving one state in the union where it is still legal: Louisiana
43:56 – National Association of Home Builders said that by 2015, 60% of all custom-built homes built in the U.S. will have a small twist – separate bedrooms for couples
46:56 – Morning Sentinel newspaper in Maine revealed the lottery winner this week, included a photo of the person with their name, address, telephone number and social security number in the newspaper
56:15 – Army recruiting top-notch paintball players
56:34 – Muslims in Twin Cities won’t handle pork, so supermarkets are going haywire b/c no pork will be handled whatsoever, even if it’s wrapped up
1:10 – Jerry Springer asks Miss Rhode Island: “If you could ban the use of anything in the world, what would it be?” Answer: “It would be probably using your cell phone while driving. I don’t know if it’s a problem here in Hollywood, but it’s a huge problem back home.” Miss Tennessee said she would be Will Smith if she could be any man.
2:31 – Ted Turner speaking at Bay Area conference about clean energy, relationship between Chinese and Americans: “The Chinese are very smart. I mean, have you ever met a dumb Chinaman?”
5:31 – Guy is suing Nickelodeon for $1.6 billion because he claims he created Spongebob Squarepants in 1991
8:06 – After 75 years, Hollywood has declared that there will no longer be a Hollywood Christmas Parade. The last image we have of the 75 years of the parade is Paul Wall and Brooke Hogan singing “Don’t Mean Nothin” in front of the Kodak Theatre.
25:15 – On March 28, Grand Canyon officially opens Grand Canyon Avenue, a glass-bottomed platform that goes 70 feet out over the western rim of the Grand Canyon – cost $40 million to build
27:49 – Joseph Brill pulled over for drunk driving in Albuquerque, N.M. They took him back to the station and realized he’d been suspended 27 times for DUIs
56:29 – Postal rates are going up on May 14, from 39 cents to 41 cents; and then 24 cents to 26 cents for a postcard. They have authorized you to buy Forever stamps, so you can use them no matter what a first-class rate changes to during your lifetime.
11:49 – Army recruiter Marcia Ramode’s e-mail to gay black man Corey Andrew: “…go back to Africa and do your gay voodoo limbo wango and tango dance. Go prance around half-naked. That’s what you do.”
19:46 – Kentucky woman is suing Lil’ Wayne because she was injured at one of his concerts after he made it rain and she was trampled by the crowd. Suing for $150,000.
25:34 – Simpsons producers in talks to change some 7-11s to Qwik-E-Marts for the movie’s opening in late July
51:02 – NIT champion t-shirts: WEST VIRGINA
52:05 – 14-year-old Rhode Island kid dies in a car accident; friends hold a makeshift memorial service that night at the spot where he died, his best friend is the last to leave and plays the boy’s favorite song on the guitar when another dude comes around the corner, nails him and kills him in a hit-and-run
3:16 – Follow-up on “Hold your wee for a Wii” radio station promotion where the woman died – family had filed wrongful death lawsuit, but prosecutors said they would not file criminal charges against KDND 107.9
8:15 – Ian Ziering, on dancing with Cheryl Burke in Dancing with the Stars: “After this, people will remember me for my hit television show, Beverly Hills 90310
13:24 – 101-year-old man goes into DMV in Washington state, passes driving test and has valid license for five years. Gets in his 2001 Impala and people are running – his first car was his parents’ Model T
23:18 – Little league baseball in Ohio wants to ban infield chatter that is in any way negative to the other team. Seth heard a little boy look up to a reporter and ask, Can we still steal bases?
25:04 – 30-year-old woman in a mall in Washington state posing as a 17-year-old orphan boy named Mark. Sees 14-year-old girl, hits on her, girl’s Vietnamese immigrant parents allow the lovestruck girl to bring Mark into the house. Mark begins having serious, intimate detailed sexual activity with the girl but is also beating her. Cop finds 30-year-old’s car, runs tags and finds her with outstanding warrants. 14-year-old girl used to question Mark’s gender but every time she did, she got beat
59:05 – LG National Texting Championships
2:05 – Turner County HS in Ashburn, Ga. (pop. 4,000) holds first integrated prom
7:41 – 111th Boston Marathon is on Monday – Red Sox-Angels game is at 10 a.m. in conjunction with the marathon. Kenyans have won the race 14 out of the last 16 years
12:06 – America loves big boobs. Breast augmentation has increased 700% in the U.S. in the last 10 years. National Retail Federation reports that shop manikins will have to have enlarged breasts up to 40 DDs to be realistic
22:12 – Atlanta airport is having trouble with dudes blowing each other in the bathrooms
32:30 – Stevie Wonder paying $30,000 for a Grammy he won in 1974 for Best Album for Inner Visions. He never reported it stolen. Stevie is blind and also can’t smell.
34:08 – Archbishop of Chicago, Cardinal Frances George, was hospitalized on Easter with a hip fracture after slipping on some holy water
42:45 – Larry King is celebrating his 50th year on broadcasting and his 200th year on earth. He wants Ryan Seacrest to replace him.
52:34 – Sands Casino in Atlantic City that closed in 2006 was taking out machines and found $17,000 in coins underneath the machines, etc.
2:12 – Tim Gorman, writer for the Boston Globe, ran the Boston Marathon wearing a Derek Jeter jersey and a Yankees hat as a social experiment. He ran 26 miles in the rain with people bumping him, heckling him, starting “Yankees Suck!” chants, no one offering him water. Says it’s the last time he will do the social experiment
3:30 – Red Sox-Angels game was supposed to start at 10 a.m. on the morning of the Boston Marathon, but there was a 2-hour rain delay that allowed all the Massholes to get shitfaced. JD Drew hits a pop-up into the stands, Angels OF Garrett Anderson tries to make the play into the stands and beer goes all over the fans. A couple minutes later a disheveled dude wearing a Patriots jacket chunks a slice of pizza and hits the dude who missed the ball and got beer on him, yelling “How do you like that pizza?!”
49:00 – ABC game – kids try to tolerate the letters of the alphabet being scratched into their skin. Girl in Utah has a flesh-eating bacteria from playing this game
51:35 – First mention of the rainbow game
54:14 – Thieves are stealing Prius stickers to get the HOV benefits
1:42 – Seth follows up on Turner County HS integrated prom. Female student who couldn’t go: “My mommy and daddy don’t agree with being with the colored people.”
22:59 – Mike Penner – “Old Mike, New Christine”
30:04 – On June 3, more than 2,000 guitarists will gather at Community America Ballpark in Kansas City for the longest ensemble performance of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water.” Guiness will be on hand to see if it beats the 1993 record of 1,300 guitarists in Vancouver
34:30 and 35:01 – Follow-up on “The Rainbow Game,” a.k.a. “Taste the Rainbow” or “Secret Rainbow” (Rainbow cookie recipe makes Seth nearly vomit live)
40:52 – Toledo Mudhens outfielder Shin-Soo Choo was booed because his name was similar to the VT shooter, Seung-Hui Cho
52:41 – Things getting worse for Joe Francis – he’s now being sued by an 18-year-old for groping her at the Geisha House
44:30 – NJ Comcast carrier accidentally shows hardcore porn instead of kid show Handy Manny
56:23 – Don Larsen, Utah state GOP chairman defending his resolution to stop illegal immigration: “In order for Satan to establish his new world order and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the United States.”
2:24 – Republican hopeful Tom Tancredo, after being asked his favorite fitness activity: “Hunting.”
10:47 – Love God’s Way – gay bands and safe bands
18:14 – Softball player at a high school in Shreveport, La., shows police photos and videos on her cell phone that her coach had sent to her of his balls and him jerking off
27:10 – Michelle Duggar, 40 years old, and her husband Jim Bob, are about to have their 17th baby in Arkansas. She had her first child at age 21: Joshua, 19; John-David and Jana, 17; Jill, 15; Jessa, 14; Jinger, 13; Joseph, 12; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 8; Jason, 7; James, 5; Justin, 4; Jackson Levi, 2; Johannah Faith, 19 months; and at the end of July is Jennifer Daniel – God willing. … Jah: “They’re all gifts from gross.”
41:37 – Jah reads 16 funny police comments taken off car videos across the country
54:47 – Woman in Wisconsin calls 911 asking for a nanny. Apparently she was watching Nanny 911 and missed the point (Episode 001, 23:05).
13:26 – TV networks unveil new shows. ABC picks up Cavemen based off the Geico ads. Also, Seth announces that Mr. Larroquette will join the cast of Boston Legal.
20:55 – Rights to domain name porn.com sells this week for $9.5 million. In 1997 it sold for $47,000. Sex.com sold for $11 million, still holding the record. (UhhYeahDude.com sold for $43)
25:30 – Dearborn, MI cop takes weed off suspects, makes pot brownies with wife and loses his shit, calls 911: Cop: I think I’m having an overdose and so is my wife. Operator: OK, you and your wife. An overdose of what? Cop: Marijuana. I don’t know if it had something in it. Operator: How much did you have? Cop: I don’t know. We made brownies and I think we’re dead. Time is going by really, really, really slow. Operator: OK, well I’m on the phone with you. Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: What? Cop: What’s the score of the Red Wings game? Operator: I’ve got no clue. I don’t watch the Red Wings. Cop: OK, I just want to make sure it isn’t some hallucination I’m having.
54:40 – Massachusetts guy sneaks into brother’s girlfriend’s bed and bones down – gets off scot-free
57:26 – High school track coach in Scottsdale, Arizona, tells 17-year-old female athlete to come over to his house to get an “athletic massage.” Except the oil he uses turns out to be his own semen
3:02 – Elijah Dukes: “Yo dog, you dead dog.”
34:50 – Miss Universe contestant from Jamaica is a Rastafarian, breaking the stereotype that Rastafarians are interested in only two things. Jah speaks “Emperor Haile Selassie I” in a crazy Rasta voice at 35:44
52:26 – Love God’s Way (Episode 064) was a hoax
55:27 – Barbie Cummings
13:04 – Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya got injured playing Guitar Hero during the postseason, lied about it and then came clean later
13:32 – Star high school pitcher’s friend Daniel Hicks makes him sign a contract on a napkin that he’ll get 1% of his signing bonus—gets $3,000. David Wright turned down a huge contract to get .5% share in the company Vitamin Water. Glaceau sells Vitamin Water to Coca-Cola for $4 billion and Wright earns $20 million. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of Vitamin Water, made $400 million.
18:07 – Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick speaking at Johns Hopkins commencement: “It takes a chicken and a pig to make a bacon-and-egg breakfast. In life you need to commit and be the pig.”
18:57 – Jamie Mesada of the Laugh Factory signs Jon Lovitz to a lifetime Wednesday night residency
40:02 – There’s been a recall on AMO Complete Moisture Plus. It contains a parasite that ultimately leaves you blind.
41:08 – Jones Soda Co. beats out Coke and Pepsi to serve soda at Seattle Seahawks football games at Qwest Field. In 2006 Jones Soda’s revenue was $39 million; combined Coke and Pepsi revenue in the same year was $57 billion
42:05 – Jack In The Box spoofs Carl’s Jr. Angus burger ads and Carl’s Jr. is suing them, saying: “while they may find it humorous, the oral and phonetic similarities with anus, but that is erroneous.”
1:01:25 – Jah explains that if you haven’t been able to sign up in the forums, it’s because the dude who’s the UYD website administrator is a “fuckin’ jackass.” He also says he has no means of doing anything on the website
11:58 – Dr. David Matlock of Los Angeles has a procedure called “The G Shot” for $1,850, which is collagen injected into the Gräfenberg spot – it swells to the size of a quarter and spells great sex for anyone who receives it
46:24 – TiVo posts its first profit…. Finally
57:24 – Only 6 states in the union allow conjugal visits, but California is the first to allow overnight visits by gay and lesbian partners. Seth: “Isn’t that prison? Don’t you get a conjugal gay visit every day? Isn’t that breakfast?”
59:01 – The world’s smallest basketball team – The Tiny Trotters: “You don’t have to be tall to play ball.” They’re all under 4-foot-6 and their names are as follows: Turbo, Dynamite, Lil’ Lolo and Fo-Fo
2:17 – Elijah Dukes revisited
5:12 – Prom at Riverdale Christian Academy – theme is Southern Plantation During the Civil War
21:06 – Woman arrested at Iowa County Courthouse caught stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a storage closet. Name? Susanne Butts
21:18 – Police and state tax force raid strip club in Pasadena and charge a dozen strippers with excessive nudity
21:32 – Warren Lewis, a barber in N. Memphis, has been cutting brothas’ hair with fire since 1965. Shop caught on fire and sustained $25,000 worth of damage b/c of the air conditioner repairman installing an updated system
42:58 – Oilman Gary Milby went missing and had several investors looking for him; he’s found on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 standing in a Kentucky oilfield. His daughter Ariel is screaming “I love oil! Oil means shoes and cars and purses!”
44:15 – Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek (Tek 9) isn’t a big fan of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s tabby sock (Japanese sock where you put the foot in the sock and there’s a little container for each toe)
14:22 – Elijah Dukes again
17:19 – Following shooting in Wisconsin, neighbors were interviewed and said they shrugged it off as Fourth of July fireworks – except it happened in early June. Seth: “Pop! Pop! Pop! Oh-ho-ho! You kids! Getting a start on things, right? These neighborhood kids!”
21:02 – Seroquel might help your bipolar disorder, but you’ll basically die if you take it. Here are the side effects listed in the magazine ad in 6-pt type: WARNINGS: INCREASED MORTALITY IN ELDERLY PATIENTS WITH DYMENTIA-RELATED PSYCHOSIS. PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY CAREFULLY AND THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR: PELVIC PAIN, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, CHILLS, FACE ADEMA, GUM HEMORRHAGE, IRREGULAR PULSE, RECTAL HEMORRHAGE, TONGUE ADEMA, AMNESIA, HALLUCINATIONS, HYPERKINESIA, MONONUCLEOSIS, ABNORMAL GAIT, PARANOID REACTION, URINARY RETENTION, INCOORDINATION, LIBIDO INCREASE, LIBIDO DECREASE, STOMATITIS, HEMORROIDS, GOUT, ACNE, ECZEMA, VAGINAL HEMMORRHAGE, FEMALE LACTATION, KIDNEY FAILURE, EYE PAIN, BONE PAIN, VULVA VAGINITIS, TASTE PERVERSION. Jah: “It’s fine, it’s fine. Just take it.”
24:38 – Hostess is bringing back the banana filling in Twinkies
34:33 – Sports Illustrated Players section interviews Venus Williams, asks her about her perfect day. She said at night she would go to a concert because her favorite band is 311.
41:06 – Sir Isaac Newton in 1704 studied the book of Daniel in the Bible and concluded that the world would end in 2060
41:29 – Most popular baby names of 2000-2006. 14 million boys and 14 million girls have been born this millennium. Boys – 1) Jacob, 2) Michael. Girls – 1) Emily, 2) Madison. #986 for boys – Glen. #997 – Kanye. #980 for girls – Unique. #989 – Baby. #77 for boys – Seth. #175 – Jonathan.
2:42 – New term sockpuppetry, where cyber vandals become rogue Wikipedians and submit information under fake names
4:01 – Chris Benoit’s death was posted on Wikipedia before the cops even knew about it
6:35 – Larry King to Paris Hilton: “What hotel chain is your family associated with?”
8:30 – Rogue lesbian gangs are terrorizing the nation. Seth: “In a normal gang you are beaten in; a GTO you are eaten in.”
8:54 – The Bald Eagle is off the endangered species list
19:55 – During BET Awards 2007, host Monique dedicates show to “my sistas on the lockdown, cuz we all just one decision away.”
22:51 – Louisiana last state to ban cockfighting, vote is 97 to 1.
26:45 – Film critic Andy Jones has heart attack and dies in Arclight watching “A Mighty Heart.” … Seth: “How’s that for a review? … Your movie’s so boring, I died.” (28:45)
32:21 – Dude in Long Beach plays poker with buddies, gets shadrached, gets behind the wheel of his GMC Sierra pickup in downtown and starts slamming into 25 parked cars and 2 pedestrians while people are running: “I was just trying to find a place to park.”
42:31 – Some Rasta gets his head shaved in jail and he’s suing because it took 13 years for him to grow out some super dope dreds
50:31 – Padres fan makes it rain at Petco Park
7:39 – On July 8, 1947, the Roswell Daily Record ran this headline: RAAF CAPTURES FLYING SAUCER ON RANCH IN ROSWELL REGION. Town is celebrating 60th anniversary of the UFO crash July 5-8, featuring musical guests Alan Parsons and War, as well as appearances by Dean Haglund and seminars and lectures by authors, researchers, etc. More than 50,000 enthusiasts expected to show up. Apparently some of the instruments found in the ship were used to create the microwave oven
10:11 – On July 1, a bunch of new laws go into effect in Tennessee: ban on all motorcycle wheelies; illegal to have sex with an animal; age to buy fireworks goes from 10 to 16; if you show ass, cock or balls in prison, it’s considered indecent exposure; $200 fine if you knowingly leave a child under 7 in a car with no adult supervision; juveniles can lose their licenses by threatening to use any destructive device on campus
12:09 – Two teens were on Kenny G’s property in Malibu and begin throwing things down at a family on the beach. A 9-year-old girl got hit on the head with a Powerbar and had to get stitches. Kenny G’s wife went to the hospital and said she would pay for it. People said they saw signs that said MLO (Malibu Locals Only). Jah says there’s also PLB (Palisades Local Boys), TML (Topango Mas Locos)
14:52 – 7-7-07 – There are 30,000 weddings scheduled for this day (more than twice the normal summer amount) and other people are trying to have their babies on this day. Also, says Jah, Tupac Shakur is coming back. He’s Makaveli, the reincarnation of Niccoló Machiavelli – who faked his death to fool his enemies. This is why he’s coming back on 7-7-07: His badge, gang-related 115, is 1 + 1 + 5 = 7; twelve shots were fired at him and 5 hit him: 12 – 5 = 7; he was shot on the 7th of September and survived the 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th, dying on Friday the 13th; he died at 4:03: 4 + 0 + 3 = 7; he was 25 years old when he died: 2 + 5 = 7. Jah thinks he’s coming back too.
27:46 – Gap Kids advertises a crocheted trim triangle bikini for young girls on its website
29:06 – WARNING: Chicago-area ice cream truck drivers. Police put a driver under surveillance b/c he was on probation for selling child pornography and was not supposed to be selling popsicles to kids; another driver exposed his prick to a 3-year-old and also happens to be a substitute teacher, on the Board of Education and an ordained minister
48:53 – Signs up in bus stops in LA: USING METH, ABUSING METH. Seth: “I think if you’re using meth, you’re abusing meth.” Montana Meth Project has crazy PSAs on YouTube.
2:11 – New Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary will include new words in the fall: ginormous, DVR, IED, Bollywood, Sudoku, krunk, tellanova, smackdown
6:51 – Minnesota has passed a law effective in 2008 – All American flags sold must be made within the U.S.A.
10:11 – Coca-Cola releases new can that resembles the “New Coke” can
15:20 – Repeat of America’s Funniest Home Videos drew bigger share than Live Earth.
15:35 – James Hetfield detained in the Luton Airport (close to London, England) for his “Taliban-like” beard. (Jah: “I’m in a band. Which one? Metalliban.”
31:04 – Prince’s new fragrance, 31 21 – more sensual than his old scent. Several other celebs have their own scents – Alan Cumming (Cumming), Antonio Banderas (Spirit), Calum Best (Calum), Carlos Santana (Carlos Santana) Seth: “That is the mixture of carne asada, marijuana and sweat.”, David Beckham (Instinct), Donald Trump (The Fragrance), Derek Jeter (Driven), Michael Jordan (Jordan)
44:25 – Since January, a monthly 3-hour tour run by Beauty Turner on Chicago’s south side called the “Ghetto Bus Tour” takes visitors through run-down slums and gives you stories about a South side that doesn’t exist anymore
8:15 – There are over 500,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. Currently, in Arizona and Colorado, a service called Child Help Alert will call you if a peed moves in your neighborhood. It costs less than $20 a year. Jah says not to go to the Megan’s Law website to look up your neighborhood. Seth: “My neighborhood lights up…. It is out of control.”
20:13 – Rednecks going into Wal-Marts and swiping price tags off picture frames and putting them on plasma TVs
38:57 – Vermont is the only state in the U.S. that does not have an IHOP
25:27 – Myspace pulled 29,000 registered sex offenders off its pages
39:33 – Guitar Hero III has included a bonus track by the most consistently requested band and song – Dragonforce’s “Through The Fire And Flames”
41:11 – All-Pro Football 2K8 features O.J. Simpson on a team called “The Assassins”
25:34 – Two companies have recalled products – Baby Bling Things and PeaNapod Bling. They both sold about 1,000 baby pacifiers that were ornamented with Swarovski crystals. The crystals can be detached and possibly inhaled or swallowed.
39:03 – Falcons website, medium pet set for $30 – Seth: “Yeah, you didn’t take that one down, did ya?”
53:29 – 23 people have killed themselves by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge this year. The very first suicide ever took place on August 7, 1937. Seth gives Jah the option between killing himself off the bridge or watching LA Ink on his birthday, and Jah opts to drive to San Francisco for the day.
22:00 – An overview of Cuba Gooding Jr’s career since winning Best Supporting Actor for Jerry McGuire in mid-90s. The only movies Seth had seen were Boat Trip and Radio.
37:15 – Follow-up on All-Pro Football 2K8 – OJ Simpson’s team “The Assassins” has a mascot that is a hooded figure that makes a stabbing motion with a knife when they score
54:41 – Helmet boxing – dangerous new kids’ fight game
54:57 – Fire In the Hole – kids get biggest drink in drive through, whip it in drive-thru person’s face
24:33 – Seth reads from a section in the Los Angeles Times that features celebrity home listings: Celebrity hand model Rick Wagner has listed his 1927 Normandy style home in Los Feliz at $1.78 million. His neighbors include Mandy Moore, Vince Vaughn, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie. Wagner has been the on-camera hands for John Travolta, Dennis Quaid, Sting, Ryan Seacrest, Tim Allen and Jeff Goldblum, to name a few. Wagner says, “People recognize my hands before they recognize the rest of me.”
41:09 – Girls Gone Mild, a new modesty movement. Not bad or semi-clad. Jah: “You better fucking get with it.” Seth: “I ain’t gonna recognize that.” Jah: “You’d better respecognize that.” Seth: “I ain’t going to respecognize shit because we’re going to dress my daughter the way she wants to dress.”
9:41 – Seth dials up (915) 590-0115 to talk to Mindy at Hiney’s in El Paso to gather more info on this story: Man stabbed at Hiney’s, stumbles out, walked 4 ½ miles and collapses and dies at a Hooters
31:50 – Miss NC at Miss Teen USA, answering what the biggest risk she took in her life was: “…when I went to Canada and went snowboarding. It’s not like the mountains of North Carolina at all; it’s hard work. It was definitely a big risk for me. That was very hard, definitely… a risk.” Miss South Carolina, when asked why one-fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because …. uhh, some … people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and… uhh, I believe that our education, like, such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and… Our education in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”
41:39 – After 13 years and 200 computers working on the problem—including a break from 1996-2001 because the most powerful computers at the time weren’t up to the task—researchers have solved the game of checkers. The result – a perfect game cannot be won or lost, but will inevitably end in a draw. Even the most skilled player can’t execute a cunning move designed to win; he can only avoid making a mistake that leads to a loss. Computers examined more than 500 billion different possible board combinations
19:58 – 21st Burning Man concludes in Nevada – dude hanging from noose in two-story tent, everyone thinks it’s avant garde art.
28:47 – Umbilicoplasty is a new cosmetic procedure that turns an outie into an innie. Jah: “What if you have an innie and you want an outie?” Seth: “You don’t… because why… would you want to puke?” Jah laughs hysterically
30:34 – Butt facials – range between $800-1,000, depending on the size of the butt. Created to tighten, lift, tone, cleanse and detox. Microderm abrasion procedure that focuses on cellulite, acne, wrinkles and veins for a perfect ass
42:31 – School district police officer in Houston produces “Ghetto Handbook” pamphlet
11:25 – Woman glues high-heeled shoes to man’s feet
22:48 – Pitzer College in Claremont, Calif. – new class called “Learning From You Tube”
32:57 – Dude volunteers to help at Denver animal shelter, then gets caught boning a dog
33:50 – Family brings 3-year-old into Indianapolis children’s health clinic to get a blood test, and the female lab technician bites the kid’s shoulder. Jah thinks biting the kid’s back is weirder than the other dude 69ing a German Shepherd: “Dogs don’t talk, dude.”
40:32 – Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee: “I’m pretty sure there’ll be duck hunting in Heaven, and I can’t wait.”
51:05 – We are on the cusp of having the first Playmate born in the 1990s
56:04 – Southwest Airlines boots another scantily-clad woman off a flight
7:52 – Beef recall – woman being interviewed inside of a grocery mart, got flustered: “It makes me feel very scared… I mean, really – I don’t know what to eat. What do I eat?”
8:48 – Barack Obama on the Tyra Banks show. Tyra: “Let’s talk Barak n’ Roll. Who’s on your iPod?” Obama: “Jay-Z …. Miles Davis.”
22:20 – Kimberly Bell, Barry Bonds’ former mistress: “I always figured he had PMS, you know like a woman. It went from ‘I want to know where you’re at’ to ‘I’m going to fucking kill you, cut your head off and leave you in a ditch.’”
23:08 – A new birth control pill is out called Yaz. Seth likes a baseball player named Yaz (former Red Sox slugger Carl Yazstremski) and Jah says there was a band in the ‘80s called Yaz.
25:38 – Mother battling Delta Airlines for unfair treatment. Was planning on taking 1-year-old conjoined twins who share a heart on a flight. She bought a seat for herself and one for her girls – Delta demands she buy three seats because they have two mouths for the oxygen masks.
33:45 – Jonathan revisits Yoplait ad campaign: “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (originally mentioned in Episode 003)
55:04 – Colorado couple enjoying Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and find a condom in it … Campbell’s offers them a coupon
5:32 – In Maryland, officials have requested that all registered sex offenders in neighborhoods post NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE sign on their front doors
16:21 – Razor scooters has recalled 20,000 of E-300 electric scooters because the handles can break off – Jah jacked up his tooth on a Razor
17:33 – New law in California just passed – in order to up the 72-hour time period after a baby is born, you have 7 days to give the baby away to a fire station or police station
20:28 – City officials in New Jersey want to establish a register for the 100-plus gumball machines in the town because some of them are unlicensed and they believe terrorists could use them to strike
22:16 – Man in New Jersey fills out a withdrawal slip and hands to teller. Someone had written on the back of the slip THIS IS A STICK-UP. Teller activated the alarm and stalled the man; the man then walked outside to a full arsenal of local and state troopers in the parking lot
22:53 – City of Baltimore goes a full seven days without a homicide
23:32 – Southwest Airlines wouldn’t let a man on the plane who was wearing a shirt that read MASTER BAITER.
16:49 – High school pep rally pits seniors versus the juniors in various games and events – a tug-of-war battle causes two junior boys to sever their hands on the rope
19:20 – 80,000 cans of silly string are on their way to American soldiers in Iraq
24:46 – Madden Curse update – Titans QB Vince Young out with a quadriceps injury
35:36 – GMA shows video of a woman completely asleep at the wheel of a van just cruising down the highway. They follow her for 30 miles
39:56 – Cats need taurine or they die
2:37 – Jah does his Jim Carrey “Smmokin!!”
3:00 – In the fourth inning of Game 2 of the World Series, Red Sox rookie Jacoby Ellsbury won America a free taco with his stolen base
6:46 – Maxim’ unsexiest women list: features Britney Spears, Madonna, Sandra Oh, Amy Winehouse, Sarah Jessica Parker
8:50 – More than one-quarter of the pregnant women in West Virginia smoked last year
9:51 – UMass offering a new class, History 297D – “How Does the Song Go: The Grateful Dead As A Window Into American Culture”
14:44 – Pepsi delivery man and Coke delivery man get into fistfight on loading dock of Pennsylvania Wal-Mart – Pepsi wins
17:44 – Durex condoms is taking applications for condom testers – received over 4,000 applicants
52:56 – Rudy Giuliani’s best friend is a defrocked priest who’s molested kids and can’t be a priest. Giuliani defends him and says he didn’t do it. During his trial, his defense attorney went to one of the high schools where he was going nuts and interviewed four kids he didn’t molest. Seth: “If you were defending a murderer, could you grab four people out of Starbucks and be like, ‘Did you ever get murdered by my dude?’ and they’d be like ‘No.’ And be like, These four people were not murdered by my client, what’s up now? You lookin’ at these four people? They weren’t murdered by him, so how could he murder him?”
56:35 – Couple in Spokane, WA, going through a divorce – husband plans an elaborate front lawn Halloween extravaganza, asks the wife to come in and get on the ladder and test out the noose. Husband turns the radio up, shuts the garage door and kicks the ladder out from underneath her. Wife manages to slip out and run to neighbors’.
12:55 – Domino’s has managed to come up with another pizza: the Crispy Melt Pizza – melted cheese and a topping between two crusts
18:20 – Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew: “Kobe is gay. Anyone who seen him out at the club know it. Kobe is gay.”
25:57 – Jordan’s Furniture in Avon, Mass. – promotion that ran from March 7 – April 16 “Jordan’s Monster Deal” – any furniture would be free, credit cards refunded, if the Red Sox won the 2007 World Series. 30,000 families purchased furniture during this time period, and more than $20 million in furniture was given away. Jordan’s issued a statement saying they were happy the Sox won and the insurance company was the big loser here. One man furnished his whole house with more than $40,000 in furniture
28:28 – John McCain speaking to supporters at New Hampshire Smith & Wesson factory on Oct. 22: “I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell, and I will shoot him with your products.”
58:36 – Number 1 holiday wish ahead of peace and happiness: A computer
4:41 – Ben Curtis, former Dell dude, who was busted in February 2003 for trying to buy weed killed his contract with Dell. He’s now working at a restaurant in Manhattan called Tortilla Flats. He went as the Dell Dude on Halloween
6:13 – John Coleman, founder of The Weather Channel: “Global warming is the greatest scam in history.”
22:07 – Larry King to Seinfeld: “So, Seinfeld, it was your choice or they canceled you?”
24:58 – Police sheriff in N. Dakota scheduled a fake meet-and-greet with Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie while they were in town on tour for a show. Letters were sent to deadbeat dads all over the area to come by for an open bar and private party. 40 deadbeat dads were arrested at the scene. Ozzy was pissed: “It’s insulting to me and to my audience and it shows how lazy this particular sheriff is when it comes to doing his job.”
26:40 – Urbana Ill. teacher arrested for making second-grade students play “tasting game” in his after-school class
37:23 – Chinese kid toy Aqua Dots recalled because, when ingested, they have the same chemical reaction as GHB
43:10 – Harvard University offering a new course in which 900-plus students have enrolled: Happiness: Learning How to Live a Fulfilling and Flourishing Life in Positive Psychology
50:23 – In Hebron, Conn., a 35-year-old man was arrested after several 911 calls demanding that they bring him beer
2:28 – In China, they found hairbands for women in salons – 3 cents for 10 – made with used condoms
13:58 – Jones Soda celebrating the holiday season with Christmas (egg nog, sugarplum, Christmas tree and Christmas ham) and Hannukah (applesauce, jelly donut, latkes and chocolate coins) flavors
16:08 – USA sets a new record – more than 1 million cases of Chlamydia in 2005 (Seth claps for the clap)
16:42 – Pentagon approves the sale of Playboy magazine on military bases. Seth claims there’s only two ways he’ll cancel his subscription – 1) When Hef leaves this earth or 2) When they have a playmate born in the ’90s
30:12 – People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive – the Doctor, Matt Damon. 1986 Sexiest Man Alive – Mark Harmon. 1987 – Harry Hamlin. 1991 – Patrick Swayze. 1992 – Nick Nolte.
34:51 – 50% of NYU students would permanently give up their right to vote for $1 million
35:57 – Mother is suing St. Louis Cardinals for displaying a message falsely accusing her daughter having an STD on the ballpark scoreboard. Message had girl’s name, followed by … HAS AN STD …. EWWWW. Girl is suing team for $25,000
36:49 – Angelino Hotel in L.A. offers the Brad and Angelino hotel package – prices start at $350, include a DVD selection of feature films starring Pitt and Jolie, a guestroom stocked with current issues of celebrity magazines, a map to the stars’ home, a late-night dinner, drinks at the lounge for 2 and a hangover kit – aspirin, bottled water, sunglasses and under-eye concealer. If available, the hotel’s Escalade will provide transportation
51:34 – Company called introfee, where personal introductions pay – they have put out a birth video bounty, looking for clear footage of a live birth and willing to pay $1,000 for the rights to use it in the 30-second Superbowl XLII ad – must show clear baby emergence, umbilical cord being severed including sound
56:49 – Marc Zuckerburg, the guy who started Facebook, is 23 years old and has a 20% stake worth $3 billion
3:52 – Alan Thicke’s ringtones for Diff'rent Strokes and Facts of Life theme songs are being sold for $2.99 – Thicke makes $.11 per purchase
9:57 – It costs $1.67 to make a penny
17:55 – Drew Carey: “I can’t go without the internet even for a day. When my fiancé and I are in different cities, we go on dates in Second Life. It’s a website that’s like a virtual world. We could just talk on the phone, but we meet online instead. It’s fun.”
26:05 – Fan grabbing player’s full package on Lambeau Leap – picture caught in paper
26:55 – Mercury Morris, member of undefeated ’72 Dolphins, while golfing in Miami, comments on the Patriots’ undefeated run: “They got more icebergs to go. They’re going through on this Titanic trip that they’re talking about. So far nobody’s made it across there except us. So we’re over here, we’re docked. We’re waiting here for ya. Right now they haven’t done this. Don’t call me when you’re in my town. Call me when you’re on my block. And when I see you next door, when you’re moving in your furniture, that’s when I know you’re going to play for the championship. And if you win, I’ll be dressed in a tuxedo and I’ll be waiting with my bride.”
28:10 – Halftime of NY Jets home games at Gate D is an unabashed show-us-your-tits Mardi Gras party – Sunday was a free-for-all with security not doing anything
30:06 – Boston University students drinking beer during course … at Duke University, a UYD caller took “The First 10 Years of Funk” but couldn’t get into “The Epitome of Cool.”
32:07 – Carny worker at a fair in Maryland called a number written inside of a port-a-potty five times, leaving a message saying he wanted some carny knowledge. Was a voicemail of a cell phone of a 15-year-old girl, and now he faces up to 15 years in jail for soliciting sex of a minor
34:49 – 37-year-old sex offender on trial in Sheboygan WI for sex with underage girls. His name? Pheuk Kue.
44:17 – A retreat will be held later in the year on Orcas Island in the Puget Sound for a technology fast – no internet, no e-mails, no cell phones, no texting. Counselors work to break these terrible addictions
46:24 – Video released of a former firefighter who had been in a coma for 10 years when he woke up and was reaching for his little boy but the dude was fully grown. Seth thinks you couldn’t be out for more than 2 ½ days without having an utter breakdown freakout
11:50 – Dane Cook was asked, “You’ve been getting a lot of acting work lately. How does that compare with stand-up.” Dane: “It works a different muscle.”
17:45 – New college classes: Beginning in January 2008, University of Hawaii introduces “Basics of Home Brewing” – detailing brewing hand-crafted ales in the comfort of your own home
21:11 – In Birmingham, Ala., it is illegal to sell any type of a sex toy. In Oxford, Miss., you can only get cold beer in bars and restaurants
28:13 – Graffiti on church in Los Gatos, Calif.: ALL HAIL SAITAN
31:25 – Driving instructor from Borat is suing producers of the movie for his unfavorable depiction
33:16 – Spirit Airlines causes controversy with new Fort Lauderdale to Bahamas cut prices – fare promotion is called Many Islands, Low Fares (MILF)
49:49 – 28-year-old grandmother in Illinois
4:00 – David Blaine is in training because in May ’08 he is going to attempt a new world record – staying awake for 12 straight days sans chemicals.
5:52 – Cornell University study concludes that more college students take courses that are considered to be easier or will be easier to get a very good grade in
7:03 – Last week it was the MILF special at Spirit Airlines, now it’s Seattle’s new Metro line, SLUT – South Lake Union Trolley, $52 million 1.3-mile public transportation line. Jah: “Ride that SLUT.”
14:38 – Houston driver leads cops on a 25-mile chase through city, pulled over, says “Yeah, my parking brake was stuck.”
15:08 – About 10,000 people every year treated in emergency rooms in month of December for injuries due to holiday decorating: burns, falls, shocks and cuts
24:48 – Criminals Gone Wild – features 100% real never before seen footage of criminals as they go on brutal rampages on U.S. streets. Watch as unsuspecting victims get beat, robbed, jacked and shot. Osama Bin Laden has nothing on these guys.
36:36 – 2007 Merriam Webster’s word of the year: woot or w00t – word used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness or triumph over an opponent
40:49 – Chyler Leigh – did movie called Kickboxing Academy in the 1997 and made out with her own brother, Christopher Khayman Leigh, three times in the movie
50:01 – Seth updates us on Pheuk Kue from Cheboygan WI (Episode 093). Seth tries to trick Jah with this story: Guy has child with woman, not together, daughter never meets father. Turns 18, mother and daughter say it’s time to meet biological father because you’re an adult now. Jah cuts him off: “There’s no way you do that.” Biological father tried to climb into bed the first night she was there and get up on that
53:48 – 61-year-old paramedic in Portland goes to scene of accident, puts woman in ambulance, rushes to local hospital – but not before he tries to bone down with the woman in the back of the ambulance
9:18 – Recap of 2006 People’s Choice Awards. Favorite Female Action Star: Halle Berry. Funniest Male Movie Star: Robin Williams. Favorite Rock Group: Nickelback
17:37 – Surgeon at a hospital in Arizona is being disciplined for using his cell phone to take a picture of a dude’s prick while the dude was in for gall bladder surgery. Dude runs a topless bar in Phoenix and has the words HOT ROD tattooed on his cock after losing a bet. … Lane Jansen had a tattoo on his calf of a pin-up girl and gave her breast implants with mini silicon sacks placed where her boobs would be.
27:00 – Saturday is World Orgasm Day
46:35 – Chick at Memphis Grizzlies game flashes her tits during the “Dance Cam”
54:08 – 22-year-old wants to meet his birth mother and finds out she works at Lowe’s with him
7:40 – Panther fans started a website ruinromo.com, where you print out faces of Jessica Simpson, put them on sticks and distract him during the game. Jessica Simpson dubbed as “Yoko Romo.” Had a movie released last weekend called Blonde Ambition – made $1,322 this weekend – still more than Zyzzyx Road starring Tom Sizemore
17:21 – New law takes effect Jan. 1 in Texas – the pole tax – additional $5 fee for customers at strip clubs, proceeds go to rape victims
30:23 – NY Islanders player Miroslav Satan has 666 career points
30:50 – Panasonic will unveil a 150-inch plasma HDTV at the upcoming Consumer Electronics show (Sharp currently has largest at 108 inches)
46:37 – 29-year-old from Washington successfully “swats” someone for the 4th time … somehow he hacks into the phone system and acts like he’s calling the cops from other people’s residences screaming that someone has been murdered and they need to get there ASAP. Most recently a couple and their baby were awakened in the middle of the night and handcuffed for it. They call it “SWATting” because you get points for getting SWAT teams to show up, extra points for door being knocked down and people being cuffed
24:23 – During first half of Lakers-Celtics game, Lakers wear throwback short shorts from the 1980s. Derek Fisher wears nothing under them
26:38 – The McRib is back. Seth had 2 today and they were delicious. It’s on it’s third farewell tour.
30:21 – Store for tweens in Garland, TX was offering a free trip and tickets to see Hannah Montana. Over 1,000 girls submitted a short essay. The winner was a 6-year-old girl with the following quote from her essay: “My daddy died this year in Iraq. I’m going to give mommy the angel pendant daddy put on mommy when she was having me. I love mommy.” At the ceremony at the store, when a news reporter who couldn’t find husband’s military records confronted her, woman flipped out and said, “I don’t want to be on camera. Get away. We never said anything like this was a true story. Never. It’s just an essay. We do essays all the time.”
31:50 – Atari shares drop to an all-time low. Seth: “Really? Atari’s shares are dropping? They’re still alive? That’s still a thing? Atari’s still a business? You could go to a building and be like DING DONG!”
32:44 – The 25th annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards will take place at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas on Saturday, Jan. 12.
39:54 – History teacher in Bakersfield, California arrested for offering to two of his female students to trace his cock and balls with a pencil on a piece of paper and give it to them. Charge is annoying a child.
2:30 – District representative from northern California – Mondale Ferraro
5:39 – McDonald’s launching coffee bars with baristas in nearly all their 14,000 locations
9:19 – Democratic presidential hopeful Mike Gravel speaking to a group of high school students in New Hampshire: “Alcohol is a heck of a lot worse than marijuana, and I’m sure a lot of you have tripped out on alcohol. Well it’s a lot safer to do it on marijuana. Marijuana is not addictive and you should be able to buy it in package stores.”
10:59 – Convicted kidnapper and child molester at a federal penitentiary in California dies after choking on a hot dog
17:44 – Joaquin Phoenix spells his own name wrong backstage at the People’s Choice Awards when he wrote his thank-you speech on placards: HI, I’M JOAQIN.
19:01 – Guess who wins “Funniest Male Actor” for the second year in a row? Robin Williams for License to Wed
22:29 – New drunk driving champion: Oregon woman Terri Comer beats previous high of .69 last month with .72 BAC – found passed out in her car by a snowbank near a Don’t Drink & Drive highway sign
24:39 – 21-year-old Brian Hathaway report: in April of 2005 he was arrested after killing a horse and trying to fuck the horse on a woman’s property, went to jail, got out, just got re-arrested when people found him in the woods trying to bone down on a dead deer
30:05 – Onslaught of Wii-related injuries are plaguing America. Refer to www.wiihaveaproblem.com for more details
36:33 – Top baby names of 2007 – Cayden (any spelling) came up several times according to Seth; Top boys: 1. Jacob, 2. Michael, 3. Joshua, 4. Ethan, 5. Matthew, 6. Daniel, 7. Christopher 8. Andrew, 9. Anthony, 10. William ….. (22. Jonathan, 74. Jesus, 103. Seth, 210. Ty). Top girls: 1. Emily, 2. Emma, 3. Madison, 4. Isabella, 5. Eva, 6. Abigail, 7. Olivia, 8. Hannah, 9. Sophia, 10. Samantha … (37. Destiny, 43. Nevaeh, 237. Brooklyn, 316. Diamond, 440. Mercedes, 458. America, 555. Precious, 711. Akeelah, 852. Karma, 959. Alizae)
17:20 – PETA officials send a letter to prison officials in Tyler, Texas, requesting that a man recently to prison for killing and eating his girlfriend be placed on a strict vegetarian diet. Sheriff’s reply: “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”
18:21 – Soulja Boy gets a young woman pregnant, then stops returning her calls and texts ever since she tells him that she’s pregnant
26:28 – Oaksterdam University – Oakland U – but so much weed going on that they call it Oaksterdam. Enrollment just ended this week for new school year. New course teaches students the history, theory, criticism and politics of cannibis. Also how to cultivate, market and distribute legal issues are covered. Students encouraged to work at dispensaries or even open up their own. The newest course in “higher” education
3:19 – Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee speaking in South Carolina: “If you think you’re going to engage the U.S. military, be prepared that the next thing you see will be the gates of hell, for that’s exactly what you’ll see.”
3:53 – John McCain: “I’m not interested in trading with Al Qaeda. All they want to trade is burkhas. I don’t want to travel with them. They like one-way tickets.”
5:41 – Seth gives us some more Andy Rooney: Of all the inventions of man, I’d be lost without elastic bands and umbrellas. Designers won’t let us alone. No one needs a clever umbrella. Personally I prefer a simple black umbrella. We don’t throw away broken umbrellas for some reason, we use them.
9:02 – The Astrological Magazine website has a message on the front page: WE REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL, THE PUBLICATION OF THE ASTROLOGICAL MAGAZINE WILL CEASE WITH THE DECEMBER 07 ISSUE. Seth: “And your lucky number’s 8.”
14:07 – Baby name remorse – parents second-guess names they’ve given their children because either they were too odd, they were an impulse name or every other kid in their grade has that name. Legally changing names at age 4-5. Some other popular names for boys: 121. Ashton, 318. Jerry, 355. Walter, 375. Chad, 548. Craig, 605. Maverick (Jah: “Hands down worst name ever.”), 637. Sincere, 764. Ralph, 905. Chaz. For girls: 169. Genesis, 298. Esther, 572. Aspen, 580. Patience, 644. Lyric, 660. Cristal, 751. Cherish, 839. Essence.
3:24 – Feb. 1, 2008 – “The Eye” released starting Jessica Alba
13:45 – Sunday marks 24th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s hair catching on fire during a Pepsi commercial shoot
15:38 – Mercury Morris quote about the Patriots’ undefeated streak from Week 10 revisited: “They have icebergs to go through on this Titanic trip. They’re talking about a lot of things. We’re docked over here, waiting on you. I’m telling you, they haven’t done that. So don’t come to me. Don’t call me when you’re in my town, call me when you’re on my block. I’ll see you in my neighborhood. I’ll see you next door moving your furniture in. And if you do, I’ll be in my tux waiting on my bride.” They come back and interview him again this week: “OK, they’re on my block. They approaching on the street where I live. The question is, will they be able to park. On February 3, 2007. One thing’s to be on that street, another thing’s to get out and look at that real estate.”
20:55 – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, while posing with a group of South Carolina African American teens for a photo: “Who let the dogs out? Who!? Who!?” Mother hands him a baby to kiss: “You got some bling-bling!”
21:41 – Bill Clinton in a church listening to a pastor talking about MLK, sound asleep
39:14 – New York man receives a voucher from Starbucks for any Starbucks drink. Ordered a 13-add shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. Drink’s total came to $13.76 with tax and had 975 mg of caffeine in it
43:57 – Wednesday, Jan. 30 is International Delete Your Myspace Page Day.
54:46 – 29-year-old stepfather on trial in N.Y. for killing his stepdaughter because she ate the rest of his yogurt. His defense attorney submitted as evidence a photograph of a coffee mug that was given to him by his stepdaughter that said WORLD’S GREATEST DAD. Seth: “The defense rests! And we out!”
13:32 – America’s Most Wanted is at 973 catches
14:43 – The U.S. saw over 176,000 mistakes due to errors involving similar drug names. A boy was supposed to get Zyrtec for allergies, but instead was given Zyprex for severe schizophrenia
15:54 – Dan in Illinois currently taking a game design class in McHenry County College. Instead of meeting in class for the biweekly lecture they meet in Second Life. MCC purchased an island in the game. On the island they have a digital classroom setup with auditorium-like seating, blackboards and all
34:48 – 24-year-old Paul Feinstein was upset that an Austin radio station made changes to his internet overnight broadcast radio program playlist. In response to the alteration, he lit the studio on fire. His show is titled “Mellow Down Easy”
43:50 – U.S. has over 9 million vanity plates. According to American Association of Motor Vehicles, No. 1 state is Virginia, followed by New Hampshire, Illinois, Nevada and Montana. No. 22 is California, No. 46 is Massachusetts, No. 50 is Texas. Top ranked vanity plates from coolpl8z.com: 2) AGINA – Virginia license plate with a giant V on it; 4) NOT OJ on a white Bronco; 46) OMG STFU; 60) COPS SUC; 87) UB6 IB9; 100) CIVL WAR – license plate in South Carolina. Jah’s is OU812 b/c he’s such a huge Van Halen fan
53:13 – The Ashley Madison Agency – “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony.” Completely anonymous #1 dating service of its kind, which is for married people. Over 1,760,000 members have signed up
7:53 – Redtube site was hacked this week and visitors to the site were greeted with a banner that said NO PORN
9:10 – Val Kilmer is playing the voice of Kitt for the new Knight Rider. Will Arnett dropped out because Kitt is a Ford Mustang and he has a conflict of interest with his contract with GMC trucks
11:53 – Corey Haim takes out a full-page ad in Variety magazine on Feb. 7 saying it’s not a stunt, and that he’s ready to work and make amends
15:24 – The annual SI Swimsuit Issue will be published in mid-February. Those who do not want to receive it can call SI so they do not, and will get their subscription extended
20:02 – 50 Cent: “Ain’t nothin’ bad about Obama in my eyes. I’m not sure America ready to have a black president. I think they might kill him.”
25:06 – 9.3 million Americans have AOL dial-up internet service
27:56 – New signs in midtown Manhattan and East Village: EUROS ACCEPTED
30:12 – In San Diego, man tries to hang himself. Girlfriend comes home, cuts him down and revives him. He then begins to pull around the room by her hair. A couple across the street in their car see him dragging her, the man in the car climbs through the window and puts the dude in a choke hold – the man loses consciousness and dies. Jah: “Apparently it was his time to go.” (31:38)
33:59 – In Odessa, Texas, a man was accused of killing his wife. Police found her on floor of home, wrapped in a bedsheet with a cross on top of her. Man says he was holding her face to the floor performing an exorcism, when the devil left her body and went into his, forcing him to kill her
10:16 – Meredith Viera interviewing Jane Fonda on Thursday morning on The Today Show about the 10th anniversary of The Vagina Monologues. Fonda: “I hadn’t seen the play. I was asked to do a monologue called Cunt.” Jonathan finds the clip on Youtube and plays it live on the show at 15:25
18:52 – Robert Burke, the Times Square Naked Cowboy, is suing Mars Inc. for $6.65 million a new billboard they put up in Times Square – billboard features a scantily clad blue M&M with a guitar with scenes of New York in the background. Claim is that they’re stealing Burke’s trademark
23:41 – In 1967, DisneyLand closed its “House of the Future” – a pod-shaped all-plastic dwelling with hands-free phones, wall-sized televisions and electric razors. In May, they will reopen a new futuristic home in Tomorrowland – kitchen countertops that will be able to identify groceries and closets that will identify and suggest outfits
26:23 – The #1 song in the country on Aug. 7, 1977 – the day Jah was born – “I Just Wanna Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb. On Sept. 20, 1973, the #1 song was “Delta Dawn” by Helen Reddy (www.thisdayinmusic.com)
27:46 – PETA is protesting a bill being sponsored by several politicians to make The Colonel’s Finger-Lickin’ Good Original Fried Chicken recipe as Kentucky’s official picnic food. PETA is still trying after two years to have the bust of Col. Sanders removed from the Capitol of Kentucky
31:32 – The head of Cal State’s Medical Association is named Dr. Frankenstein
33:32 – San Diego teacher taught for 17 years, but he was unable to read, write or spell during his 17-year duration as a teacher
49:54 – Seth watches his show Jail, with special footage of O.J. rolling in to the Clark County Prison in Las Vegas. O.J. was talking about finding his golf swing
1:07 – National Geographic reports on barnacles evolving penises eight times the length of their own bodies. If the water is gentle, the penis is long; if the water is rough, the penis is short and stout
12:48 – “Never Back Down” comes out on March 14 – it’s basically “The Karate Kid” except with MMA
13:53 – Starbucks is testing a new premium drip coffee called “A Fresh Pressed;” brews each cup individually. Womens advocacy groups find Starbucks’ new “skinny” drinks politically incorrect
23:57 – Hacienda Heights, Calif., is home to the country’s first feng shui McDonald’s
24:58 – FAA is investigating a Go Airlines flight in Hawaii last week that had no cockpit contact for 25 minutes – believed that both pilot and co-pilot were asleep with plane on auto-pilot
32:04 – May 12, 2008 – the price of a 41-cent stamp will rise to 42 cents. Postcards jump from 26 cents to 27 cents (Episode 057, 56:29). Seth is frustrated by this, contradicting his rant from Episode 012 at 50:05
33:23 – The Guinness Book of World Records has been bought by Ripley’s Believe It Or Not
38:28 – Sen. Chris Buttars from Utah embroiled in controversity with Salt Lake City NAACP for making this comment about a bill he opposed: “This baby is black; it is a dark and ugly thing.” When asked for an apology from local African American leaders, he complained of “a hate lynch mob” out to get him. When that caused further controversy, he said “How do I know what words I’m supposed to use in front of those people?”
42:28 – Two major graffiti artist arrests made this week – Spek of the ITD Crew in Boston was arrested, as well as Guser of the UPN Crew in L.A.
54:35 – Big Sister now expanding into the U.S. after existing in the Czech Republic. You walk into a company, go to a touchscreen menu of prostitutes and bone down for free. The catch is your exploits are filmed and uploaded onto this site, and people pay money to have a catalog of the viewing
12:37 – Online actitivists: Brian Bates, the Video Vigilante, videotapes hookers and pimps in Oklahoma City and confronts them; Jimmy Justice videotapes traffic officers throughout NYC breaking laws they’re supposed to enforce, then confronts them. Videos posted on YouTube
14:46 – Ryan Krop, a short-order cook at Texas Roadhouse restaurant, arrested after putting his pubes inside a diner’s steak
34:56 – Steve Erwin’s son bob, 4 years old, was bitten by a boa constrictor while handling several snakes
37:28 – Complaints coming in for past 2 years of difficulty breathing, nosebleeds and various other malities that families living in FEMA trailers since Hurricane Katrina have been reporting. Center for Disease Control and Prevention have determined that all 519 trailers they tested contained 5 times the acceptable level of carcinogenic formaldehyde gas
44:15 – During a screening of the new horror move “The Signal” in Fullerton, Calif., a man seated in the back row 30 minutes into the movie stabbed a lone moviegoer in front of him in the chest and arm. He then walked toward the screen and stabbed another lone moviegoer in the arm. As the two moviegoers fled, the man managed to exit the theater, and then the movie resumed. The film is about a mysterious electronic signal that compels people to kill
56:42 – A goo girl is a girl who enjoys the taste of semen. San Francisco magazine has a profile on Marisa Mayer, a top employee at Google. The banner hanging behind her picture says GOOGIRL
5:52 – Seth heard that Tyson-Holyfield III is in the works. Last time they fought was June 1997
15:49 – IHOP launches their new Dr. Seuss (pronounced Sois) Horton Hears a Who menu – Whocakes, green hags and ham, beaslenut splash
25:19 – After 13 years Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest person. At $58 billion he’s dropped to No. 3. New No. 1 is Jimmy Buffett - $62 billion (Jah improves some “Margaritaville” lyrics). 23-year-old Facebook founder Marc Zuckerberg is No. 785, worth $1.5 billion
30:39 – Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia, broke up with his girlfriend, Canadian TV personality Rachel Marsden, on his Wikipedia show. She is now auctioning off a couple of his belongings on ebay. Marsden was given one year probation in 2004 for criminally harassing a boyfriend following a breakup
39:23 – Cosmopolitan magazine held a luncheon this week in NYC to honor their 2008 “Fun, Fearless” men. In attendance were Jessica Simpson ex’s Dane Cook and John Mayer, as well as current boyfriend Tony Romo
44:32 – Lesbians coming together to change the name of their sexuality to gayelles
2:23 – Patrick Swayze, suffering from pancreatic cancer, is caught on film coming out of his chemotherapy treatment with a cigarette in his mouth
4:43 – Follow-up on dude who stabbed the 2 people in “The Signal” (Episode 106) was arrested in Vegas, under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms
5:40 – The Vagina Monologues tour made its way to New Orleans this week, and Mayor Ray Nagin said “…I stand before you a Vagina-friendly mayor. I’m in.” Nagin also had the famous “chocolate city” quote after the Katrina fiasco (mentioned in Ep. 16)
8:17 – Telemarketers in Delaware have begun using a new number that shows up on people’s Caller ID as 867-5309.
15:53 – In Driggs, Idaho, Dawn Wells, 69, (played Marianne on Gilligan’s Island) got 6 months probation, 5 days in jail and a fine for being pulled over with a DUI. Three joints were found in her car. She said on her way home she picked up three hitchhikers, and when they started smoking she threw them out
27:17 – Barack Obama’s pastor in Chicago, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, starts yelling about Bill Clinton “ridin’ dirty” on Lewinsky while he’s humping the podium and the dude behind him is literally losing it and hitting him on the back
30:20 – Residents of Summerfield, Ore., be warned: a driver’s license has been renewed for 8 years for 100-year-old resident Margaret Pearson, driving a 1989 Chevy Caprice Classic
39:51 – Natural childbirth is a revolutionary orgasmic birth. Women can achieve what is called the greatest orgasm of their lives during childbirth. Revealed as an “integral part of a woman’s sexuality,” and is a “widely neglected human right.”
50:28 – Celeb For a Day, started in Austin TX and is now in LA. A List Package - $250; Superstar Package - $600; Megastar Package - $1,500. In the Megastar Package, 6 paparazzi follow you around for 2 hours, a publicist will tell people to stop bothering you, bodyguards protect you from paparazzi and crowds, you get limo service and a glossy magazine cover
3:58 – Harris Poll conducted with CareerBuilder.com asked 3,000 U.S. hiring managers and HR directors the worst things potential employees have done during interviews: dude answers cell phone during interview and asks interviewer to leave her own office; one dude told an interviewer he might not need the job b/c his uncle was dying and he might get the inheritance; and a dude asked for a ride home after the interview; dude says he got fired from his last job for beating up his previous boss
22:26 – DMX in an interview with XXL magazine: “Barack Obama? Where he from? Africa? What the fuck? That ain’t his fuckin’ name!”
28:33 – Joe Francis is out of jail after 10 months in prison. He asked Ashley Dupre, Elliott Spitzer’s lady, $1 million to pose nude in the GGW Magazine, but then someone at GGW finds her in the database 4 years ago in the bus in Miami boning down on Spring Break. They withdraw the $1 million, but her lawyer says she was only 17 when she did that… so Joe might be in trouble again
42:47 – Word on the street, according to UYD listener Matt Robinson, is that there is a film in production with Ricky Gervais called “This Side of the Truth.” A pivotal scene of the film will be filmed in Haverhill, Mass.
48:52 – Jake Frazier, who has 3 HR baseballs hit by Barry Bonds, was explaining to Yahoo! sports why he didn’t get his hands on No. 762: “I’m always stoned to the bone during games. I’d been smoking big weed 10 minutes before that guy hit the ball, so they had a big advantage on me.”
0:45 – Northstar Media of Toronto has bought rights to 21 IMAX movies to be shown on mobile phones
2:02 – Seth finds an article from a February 1995 Newsweek titled “The Internet – Bah!” by Clifford Stoll … “I’m uneasy about this most trendy and oversold community. I say baloney.”
10:13 – Dr Pepper will give every person in America a free can of soda if Axl Rose will release Chinese Democracy in 2008 – he’s been working on it for 10 years
12:50 – Adolfus August Busch V, 17, was arrested at a party in Illinois for underage drinking. He was drinking Natural Light beer, the cheapest, worst-tasting beer on the market – however, it is an Anheuser-Busch product
16:39 – Tuesday’s Mavericks-Clippers basketball game was shown live in 3D at Mark Cuban’s Landmark Theater in Dallas, made using James Cameron’s 3D cameras (originally mentioned in Episode 052)
17:24 – Robin Williams and his wife Marsha are getting divorced. Seth feels bad for her for having to be married to him for 19 years. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are getting married
22:08 – The Advocate reports a story about a man in Oregon named Thomas Beatie, who was born a woman but is now transgendered and legally male and living with his wife Nancy. He had his breasts removed and takes testosterone, but chose to keep his female reproductive organs. His wife cannot carry a child, so they have chosen to artificially inseminate him, and he is set to give birth on July 3. He also has a 5 o’clock shadow and a bump
31:51 – Seth recalls Anderson Cooper interviewing Kenny Chesney and how they were ready to bone down. On Sunday night Cooper interviewed David Beckham, but Cooper was more attracted to Beckham than he was to Chesney, except Beckham wasn’t receptive to it
11:56 – Weezer has a new album coming out. For the third time in the last 6 albums the album name will be called “Weezer.” Jah says Rivers Cuomo is a wacky dude, but he definitely respects their music. Jah says he respects REM as well.
16:26 – Rickrolling is when a person provides an enticing link to someone in an e-mail or post, and it takes the user to video of Rick Ashley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” that they cannot click off of until it is done. The name originated out of a “duckroll,” which leads you to an image of a duck on wheels. On April Fool’s Day, more than 20 different sites performed the Rickroll hoax
43:59 – Seth reads and watches a lot of material that says noone is getting any sleep these days. Jonathan declares that he gets 8 hours of sleep a day. The problem is he ends up staying up ultra late so he has to provide himself a life that doesn’t require him to do anything before 3 p.m., which he admits is completely uncool
56:26 – Update on Arkansas law that had a loophole in the bill allowing anyone of any age with parental permission to get married (originally mentioned in Episode 088, 48:46). The law was revised so that wouldn’t happen
16:41 – Beginning with the movie “Up” next year, all Pixar movies will be filmed in 3D
18:37 – Burger King is planning on unveiling a smaller, slicker, trendier Whopper Bar. It will cater to fans of the burger (Seth: “You know, Whopperheads”)
26:19 – Starbucks is testing letting their customers pour their own coffee to halt complains and declines in patronage
28:55 – Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday at Ruby Tuesday’s and Wal-Mart. Jah: “Get some Taz slippers.” (Episode 038)
31:52 – America’s Most Wanted is at 997 captures (update from Episode 102)
43:30 – Hot new trend: Monkids. More than 10,000 people in the U.S. have monkeys that live in their house as more than just pets. They live more like children, although it is illegal in about 20 states. A lot of couples in their 60s and 70s are down with it since they’re empty nesters. Monkey Matters magazine
51:48 – Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres, has the most expensive beer prices in all MLB. A 16-ounce Bud Light is $6.50. A keg of Bud Light on the street costs $76. The same $76 at that ballgame would get you 12 cups of beer. With the keg you’d get 124 cups of beer.
55:01 – Dude sent a Dell laptop back and it comes back to him with a keyboard covered in pubes. He took a picture of it and put it on a website.
1:00:53 – Back in 1995, Terry Cottle, 33, killed himself, but his heart was donated to a guy on a waiting list in Hilton Head, S.C. The recipient called up the guy’s widow to thank her and started boning down on her. They married, and now this week the guy killed himself. Jonathan: “You’ve got to destroy that heart.”
2:49 – Scientists say southern California has a 97% chance of being hit by a catastrophic earthquake in the next 30 years
4:27 – Alarming new trend in teen dating – kids texting each other nude pictures via mobile phone for dating
9:28 – Alicia Keyes to Blender magazine: “The East Coast-West Coast beef between Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled by the government and the media to stop another great black leader from succeeding.”
11:55 – Hallmark will release a new line of recordable greeting cards that allows the listener to record a 10-second message on the card. Along with the message will be followed by a choice of the following songs: “Whoomp! There It Is” by Tag Team; “Shining Star” by Earth, Wind & Fire; “Unbelievable” by EMF; or “Bang The Drum All Day” by Todd Rundgren. You get 220 plays for $6. Seth says his mom would run the battery dead
22:12 – Alarming trend at U.S. airports – homeless dudes pretending to be flying, sleeping on chairs and using restrooms. With the spate in cancellations officials are having a tough time differentiating between real travelers and fake ones
24:42 – Boston’s T transit system starts a “Grope Patrol,” to deal with nonstop complaints from female riders of men exposing themselves and rubbing up against them, also known as “fraterism.” New billboard campaign features woman sandwiched between two men: RUB UP AGAINST ME AND I’LL EXPOSE YOU. Another one with a security camera: FLASH SOMEONE AND YOU’LL BE EXPOSED.
45:03 – Effective January 2009, you will not be able to smoke in a car in L.A. with a minor present in the vehicle
50:57 – Seth found a video online of some drunk Cubs fan standing up in the urinal trough, running down it and sliding on it while being cheered on by other drunk fans.
3:16 – Top 10 most sexually active cities in America, based on contraceptive sales at grocery stores and drug stores: 10) Columbus, OH, 9) Buffalo, 8)Rochester, 7) Baltimore, 6) Cincinnati, 5) Washington D.C., 4) Salt Lake City/Boise, 3) Seattle, 2) San Antonio/Portland, 1) Denver. Jah: “I don’t think I would’ve guessed any of those.”
7:00 – A Googleganger is someone with the same name as yourself that you come across when you Google yourself. Jah admits that he periodically Googles himself, while Seth has never tried this. Jah has also Googled Seth. www.samenameasme.com
11:10 – Sneeze fetishists are aroused by people sneezing
16:34 – A single arch McDonald’s was taken down in Huntsville, Ala., leaving the very last single arch McDonald’s in Muncie, Ind. An original Dunkin’ Donuts sign was taken down in Brighton, Mass., leaving the last original sign in Lake Park, Fla.
22:32 – David Blaine will appear on a live episode of Oprah on April 30, attempting to set a new world record by holding his breath underwater for 16 minutes
29:39 – Kanye West during a concert in Sacramento to the crowd: “What up Seattle? Come on now, Seattle!” Kanye also is quoted in New Yorker saying he was breastfed for too long as a child and that’s why he loves big breasts so much
31:47 – At NYC’s Parker Meridian Hotel, you can call the concierge and get the Wii Boxing Workout for $120 an hour, in which a trainer comes to your room with a Wii and works you out
33:39 – FHM comes out with Top 10 Sexiest Women: 10) Kate Beckinsale, 9) Blake Lively (Jah knows her not from “Gossip Girl” but from “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”), 8) Trisha Helfer, 7) Hillary Duff, 6) Emmanuelle Chriqui, 5) Scarlett Johanssen, 4) Elisha Cuthbert, 3) Jessica Alba, 2) Jessica Biel, 1) Megan Fox
43:20 – Chelsea Clinton did a gay bar crawl in Philadelphia last weekend to tell potential voters about her mom’s “plan for America.” She went to Woody’s, Bump and Sisters
45:27 – Two weeks ago all 3 presidential candidates appeared in skits with Mylie Cyrus at the beginning of the CMT Country Music Awards. They were also on WWE Monday Night Raw. Clinton: “You can call me Hill-Rod.” Barack: “Do you smell what Barack is cookin’?” McCain: “What you gonna do when all the McCainiacs run wild on you?!”
5:38 – Free-range kids are kids whose parents want them to have the same freedoms they had – playing in the neighborhood unsupervised, riding the school bus alone, riding a bike to the library. Seth has a new name for these kids: Free-rape kids.
8:24 – Mother in Williamsburg, Va., buys a discount bin DVD of Batman, leaves her kid to watch it while she goes into the kitchen to cook dinner. The DVD turns out to be Titan Man, a gay porn DVD
14:28 – Hot new trend for expecting moms – belly facials. Trained professionals massage cocoa butter around mom’s midsection to tighten, tone and give an expecting mother “sheen.” It costs $100
18:13 – 18-year-old Ryan Schallenberger, who was turned in by his parents before attempting a Columbine at his high school, had a plan to do crazy damage, die, go to Heaven and kill Jesus
19:36 – Woman gets an ultrasound, and an image of Jesus on the cross is in her womb
28:07 – Two people were killed by sharks this week off the coast of California. Seth doesn’t care
47:23 – Seth thinks he’s found Jeff, his soon-to-be adopted grandson. Latarion Milton, 7 years old, gets mad at his mom and gets in her Dodge Durango, picks up his homie and drives around on an 8-mile spree. He drives it until the 2 front wheels have inverted and they’re up on a sidewalk
49:50 – 21-year-old arrested in a local bank in Fort Worth TX. He was trying to cash a check written from his girlfriend’s mother for $360 billion
2:45 – 64 percent of U.S. teens have used informal text message cyberslang in their written schoolwork. 38% of them have used the term LOL, 25% have used emoticons ☺
4:42 – For the second straight year, the children’s book “And Tango Makes Three” was the most-challenged book in U.S. public schools and libraries according to the American Library Association. The book is the story of 2 gay penguins who adopt a baby penguin, based off actual penguins in NYC’s Central Park Zoo – Roy and Silo. Jah: “If you and I were gay, I would be Silo and you would be Roy.” Seth: “I want to be Silo.” Jah: “But I’m taller than you are and my dick is huuuuuge.”
8:08 – Reminder to UYD listeners that this week the price of a stamp rises from 41 to 42 cents.
8:25 – Guy in Massachusetts who lost his license for his fourth DWI was killed this week riding his bike, after being struck by a drunk driver
11:22 – Jah tries to confirm if the rumor is true that Wii is going to release a video game involving pole dancing
14:38 – Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is under investigation for a sex scandal he had with chief of staff Christine Beattie. Thousands of text messages were recovered, including one choice piece of conversation: KK: THAT’S THE FIRST TIME I COULDN’T FULLY SEDUCE YOU. MY GAME IS OFF. LOL. THANKS FOR THE CONVERSATION. NQT. LOVE YOU. CB: YOUR GAME IS WAY ON BABY. YOU HAD ME AT HELLO (JERRY MAGUIRE, 2000). Seth informs Jah that Jerry Maguire came out in 1996.
16:49 – Cindy Crawford is confused on her percentages while speaking on the environment on Good Morning America, saying 38 billion is half of 50 billion
35:46 – Following up on the $1.26 it takes to make a penny, the U.S. Mint is now saying that it costs $7.78 to make a nickel
4:09 – In order to save fuel, airlines are reducing the speed of their flights – adding 3-10 minutes per flight. Jonathan is curious how many miles per gallon a plane gets
5:25 – Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger announced on the Today Show that 41-year-old Michelle is pregnant. They will be having their 18th baby on New Year’s Day 2009. Names of babies from oldest to youngest: Josh (20), Jana and John David (18), Jill (16), Jessa (15), Jinger (14), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Joyanna (10), Jeremiah and Jedediah (9), Jason (7), James (6), Justin (5), Jackson (3), Johanna (2), Jennifer (9 mos.)
8:37 – The Funky Bunch is reuniting without Marky Mark
9:01 – Maxim’s top 10 ladies: 10) Ashley Tisdale, 9) Lindsay Lohan, 8) Christina Aguilera, 7) Eva Mendes, 6) Elisha Cuthbert, 5) Sarah Michelle Gellar, 4) Eva Longoria, 3) Jessica Biel, 2) Scarlett Johanssen, 1) Marissa Miller
12:00 – A new iPhone with super-fast web speed is just weeks away
12:45 – Newsweek reports that between gas prices, struggling economy, etc., families this summer will be forced to take “staycations.”
24:33 – States drafting new laws that would prevent anyone with a conviction of a sexual crime against children from being able to operate an ice cream truck this summer. Seth’s ice cream of choice was the one with the gumball at the bottom of the cone, while Jah’s was the foot with the gumball as the big toe toenail
26:01 – International Tanning Association says it’s time to rethink sunbathing
27:43 – This Monday, Google will release its new social networking site, Friend Connect
30:41 – Office romances are on the rise, it is the new place to hook up. In a recent poll, 50% have hooked up with a co-worker, and 82% know of a hookup within the office that is “secret.” Employment lawyers have begun drawing up love contracts for new employees that state that if a hookup does occur, neither party is allowed to sue for harassment
32:05 – New birth control called Seasonique. Only have 4 periods a year, it’s taken for 3 months. The pill was approved by the FDA in 1960.
41:56 – Workplace computers have been tested recently by a scientific group, which finds that they’re 5% dirtier than public restroom toilet seats
45:19 – Part of the Republican National Convention (Sept. 1-4, St. Paul, Minn.) merchandise on sale in the Mall of America is official Republican Zubaz pants. Zubaz started in 1987 and hit its peak in 1991 with sales of over $100 million. Jah remembers Zubaz knockoffs on every corner in L.A. Seth says he never owned these but he did have a pair of parachute pants. Jonathan had a black dookie sack suit (MC Hammer-style) for a dance he went to, with full taper and giant crotch narrowing down to a narrow taper. Had shoulderpads and big double breasting. Crotch came down to the knees
4:56 – Jonathan reads a passage from Newsweek regarding creators of downloadable audio/video programs (podcasters) are trying out new names for the technology for the aim of communicating that their work is compatible with a variety of media players, not just iPods. Jonathan says the problem is not the name, it’s the entire concept. He adds that iTunes is the best, so it’s all that matters
7:34 – 10 years ago this summer saw the first release of an mp3 player, the MPMan from South Korea – beat out California-based Diamond Multimedia’s Reo PMP 300
13:01 – Hot new trend is tweens going to day spas. Seth explains that tweens are not teens or pre-teens. 7-12 years old, full Hannah Montana. Tweens are getting facials, chemical peels, having eyebrows done, bikini waxes, etc.
15:52 – 25 years ago, Chris Dunn and Pam Jensen met on a Compuserve CB simulator – a program that linked the first computer users nationwide – the first chat room. After 2 months of chatting, Chris flew from NYC to Chicago, and one year later to the day they were married. America’s first Internet couple
23:14 – Many men no longer feel ashamed to ask for alimony during divorces. The stigma attached to having your ex-wife support you is lessened. It’s now called “manimony.”
23:47 – In Minnesota and N. Dakota, it is illegal to serve a 21-year-old celebrating their birthday until 8 a.m.
24:48 – Wii is releasing a series of games called Frat Party – the first one coming out this summer is called Beer Pong
32:13 – Hazelwood, Mo., man gets pulled over for having an expired license plate. Cop is walking up to the car and sees the guy in the passenger seat pull out his cell phone. Guy makes a call to 911 and calls in a robbery at the convenience store down the road, hoping that the cop would be dispatched to the store. Dispatcher hears cop asking the driver for his license and registration, and sends another cop by there, who brings him in for the prank call
47:41 – Scientificmatch.com is a new dating website only available in Boston/Providence. For a fee of $995, you give the site a saliva sample and get a match based on a new study of mate attraction using a technology called MHC. Lets users noses guide them to a perfect match. “Olifactory harmony.”
51:24 – McKinney High School in Texas – 583 students had altered pictures in the yearbook. Girls’ heads on boys’ bodies, outfits on different people, one girl was missing an arm and two bodies had no clothes on and were partially blurred out. Lifetouch apologized and said “they must have misinterpreted the guidelines.”
59:55 – Jah confirms the rumor that the 3G iPhone official announcement is set for Monday, June 9
2:33 – Seth’s dad, Joe Romatelli, manages to work his way into a Boston Globe article about UYD friend Matt Robinson’s movie he’s shooting in Seth’s hometown of Haverhill, Mass. The article is about some of the residents of the old folks’ home who got to appear as extras in the movie, “This Side of the Truth.” After one of the residents says she will get an agent after her newfound fame, “… You’ll need a manager and an agent, and that’s why I’m here,” replied Joe Romatelli, a friend of the seniors who stopped by for a visit.”
5:31 – California officially bans talking on the cell phone while driving, which Jah is OK with. But he wonders about texting, because he can text, steer and keep his eyes on the road all at the same time, and is more than willing to document and show people how to do it. He claims it is easy, fun and safe. He was also complimented the other day on the speed of his texting.
13:02 – Average cost of a wedding in the USA tops out at around $30,000
51:17 – “Mim” is when people will overdub videos and everyone does them. Someone overdubbed the Hitler film “Downfall” with the Cowboys-Giants playoff game, which Jah found funny. Other mims include Planning a Trip to Birmingham, Explaining Second Life, Hillary’s Collapse, Being Banned From Xbox Live and Hitler Having His Car Stolen.
1:31 – Yahoo Health’s unhealthiest drink in America – Baskin Robbins’s Heath Bar shake (32 oz., 2,310 calories, 108 grams of fat, 266 grams of sugar – total of 73 separate ingredients). Jah: “If I wasn’t a vegan, I would definitely indulge in one of those right now.”
12:10 – National Retail Federation expects consumers to reduce spending on Father’s Day this year from $98.34 to $94.54. Seth brings up the fact that more collect calls are made on Father’s Day, originally mentioned in Episode 013, 41:21.
26:15 – Seth references the freeway service patrol where they will give you a free gallon of gas to get you off the freeway (originally mentioned in Episode 012, 50:05). Dude in Sacramento was pulled over on the freeway scamming people to get free gas. Same guy that helped him in the morning pulled over in the afternoon to catch him. In Venezuela, gas is 19 cents a gallon
28:30 – Washington-based religious group “Pray at the Pump” prays around gas stations to lower gas prices. They have led offshoots in San Francisco and Oakland, they believe the gas prices are the sign of the apocalypse. Since they have started gas has gone up 43 cents
6:58 – Top 10 most commonly used online passwords according to PC Magazine: 10) First name; 9) blink182; 8) password1; 9) myspace1; 6) monkey; 5) letmein; 4) abc123; 3) qwerty; 2) 123456; 1) password
9:03 – Friday June 20th is Take Your Dog to Work Day. 17% of Americans say their company is already dog-friendly. 5% of Americans are allergic to dogs
10:51 – The 100 thing challenge is an online blog that challenges people to downsize their lives to 100 items. “SHED it”: S – Separate the treasures, H – Heave the trash, E – Embrace your identity from within, D – Drive
16:30 – Lucky Charms is adding a new charm, an hourglass
35:38 – Study of lemon wedges placed in ice water at several east coast Applebee’s restaurants and Chili’s showed 1/3 of them contained bacteria including fecal matter and e coli
36:23 – Ritz Carlton – Miami Beach has a tanning butler. Started on the hotel’s opening day, Jan. 1, 2004. Dude makes $30/hour and roams around the pool area providing Evian mist spray, is armed with lotion holsters on his hip to spray and rub people down
38:34 – To celebrate IHOP’s 50th birthday this July, they will unveil 9 new pancakes this summer
52:22 – Guy that caught Ken Griffey Jr’s 600th HR was named “Joe.” He brought a glove to the games, got into the scrum, but brought in another baseball so when he was at the bottom of the pile he tossed it as a decoy and walked out with the real one
53:00 – Dude gets Jonathan Papelbon’s attention in the bullpen, hands him photographs – nude pictures of dude’s ex-wife. Entire bullpen signs a baseball for him to say thanks
3:36 – Colorado Lottery is offering $3 scented crosswood scratch-and-sniff tickets
5:36 – Michigan man wins $57 million through Mega Millions but is a registered sex offender. Co-worker gives interview to the Grand Rapids Press: “…I know some of his secrets and he knows some of mine. I’m not going any further.”
8:21 – New types of summer parties: Pumping Parties, where ladies get together for silicone injections in the butt; and Dipping Parties – teens who get on Facebook and get on Google Earth to find neighborhoods and meet at the pool
9:26 – Babyzone.com reveals the top 10 things kids put up their noses: 10) Beans and peas; 9) Small toys; 8) Cheerios; 7) Tissues; 6) Spaghetti; 5) Marbles; 4) Fingers; 3) French Fries; 2) Beads; 1) Crayons
13:05 – New rigout for girls this summer: jean shorts and moccasins
50:06 – Washington Nationals no longer allow men to take their shirts off at a ballgame, calling it “indecent exposure.”
55:17 – Mississippi-based Christian website delivers news from a Christian perspective and replaces any words in articles that they would deem offensive. Story about USA sprinter Tyson Gay gets filtered through the site replacing his last name with “homosexual” every mention
7:52 – The Wii beer pong game is now being called Pong Toss because it was unsuitable for children under 13, and there were a lot of complaints about it.
16:25 – There are 850,000 operational pay phones right now in the United States. Jah says he hasn’t laid eyes on one in six months. The last time he saw one, the dude’s mouth was so close to the receiver that Jah threw up on him.
24:56 – US Transportation Department and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration are going to use female dummies for the first time in their high speed crash tests. They will all be 4-foot-8 and 108 pounds
27:13 – Dennis Hoff’s world famous bunny ranch in Carson City Nevada, since 1955 the phone number is 1-775-246-FUCK. The slogan is “more bang for your buck.” You can take in your federal stimulus check and get double the amount of check toward your ranch pleasure party.
35:49 – “Green rage” is when people lose their patience with other people who are not eco-friendly and have poor eco habits
49:31 – The first YouTube video was called “Me at the zoo,” posted at 8:27 p.m. on Saturday, April 23, 2005. 18 seconds of Yaku Lipitzky at the San Diego Zoo. The first item sold on ebay was a broken laser pointer sometime in the fall of 1995 for $14.83 when the site was still known as AuctionWeb
53:58 – Douglas Monks, 57, of Florida, takes his computer in for repairs – except under “My Documents” there was a big file called “Preteen Gay Porn” with 4,000 images of 600 boys aged 5-13.
56:35 – Woman at NY Sports Club got an awful odor coming from the locker room, opened the door to the sauna and found a woman who had put two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese on the hot sauna rocks to make a post-workout sandwich. Woman’s response: “I do this all the time!”
2:23 – Emily Leatherman is being accused of stalking John Cusack and they’re having a preliminary case to determine her sanity. Seth thinks there’s no point b/c she’s already obviously insane to be stalking Cusack. If he refused to dance with her, she wrote “there would be dances with vampires.”
12:02 – For the second year in a row, the woman representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant tripped in her evening gown and fell. Seth thinks Miss Universe is a full Venezuelan tranny, but Jah thinks she’s beautiful
13:27 – The American Naturalist reported this past week on how orchids can mimick insects and trick insects into procreating with the orchid – “pseudocopulation.” The scientific glitch is that wasps are doing this and pulling it off to full climax – straight copulation. People are worried that the wasps are spilling their juices with the orchids and there won’t be enough for the female wasps. Jah: “It’s like orchid bukkake.” Seth thinks it will spawn a new breed of dyke wasps. Jah: “Plaid, flannel, Timberland orchids.”
24:40 – John McCain was on a campaign stop in Pittsburgh speaking, and told community members that while he was in a Vietnam POW camp he was supposed to list his platoon members by his torturers, but listed the Pittsburgh Steelers defensive line. Place goes crazy, except in his autobiography he said it was the Green Bay Packers. McCain’s people said it was a memory lapse
35:39 – 30-year-old teacher in Buffalo, Cara Dickey, sent provocative texts to 14-year-old student, brought him to a motel, gave him a cocktail of Bacardi and Nyquil, and wrote out a suicide pact for the two of them.
48:47 – Seth read about a kid who got hit by a foul ball at Wrigley Field last week, so he dipped in to the history of freak occurrences. Book called “Death At The Ballpark” claims that 300 people a year get hit (knocked out) by foul balls. A minor league base coach died last season. On the back of your ticket it says you assume all responsibility. In 1957, a guy for the Phillies hit a foul ball that hit the wife of the Philadelphia sports editor, and while she was on the stretcher he hit her again. Two years ago, the Orioles’ Jay Gibbons hit a foul that nailed his wife in the ribs
54:37 – 9-year-old girl in Indiana dials 911 when she hears her mother screaming, but the authorities arrived to find the parents boning down in the bedroom
56:47 – Playboy.com features the “Girls of Olive Garden.”
57:48 – NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg, king of verbal gaffes, references a trip to Salt Lake City, Idaho. He also talks about a favorite memory in 1981 was a Simon and Garfinkel concert in Central Park. He mentions bringing out Shinagua Twain and Tom McGraw at the CMA Awards. He also says former Yankees manager was named Joe Torres, and good ol’ Anthony Villarigosa.
2:59 – Gastrosexuals are single men who have taken up cooking to impress ladies
3:55 – Starbucks has had some cutbacks, shutting down 600 stores. On Starbucks.com you can see a list of all the stores that have closed. Girl being interviewed in NYC: “We’re devastated.”
7:09 – National Sleep Foundation reporting an alarming new development for our mothers – Caffeinated Moms. A mom’s responsibilities have increased so much that they’re forced to consume a lot of coffee and sodas to stay on their game, and they’re sleep deprived
13:45 – Matthew McConaughey to OK Magazine, talking about his child Levi’s birth: “We were jamming. We were sweating. We got tribal on it. We danced to it. I was DJing this Brazilian music. Having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing. I said ‘Come here little man.’ I saw the penis and I screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy.”
23:21 – J Dragon, a tattoo and body piercing shop in Chicago, has done it again. Last year a man got a tat there that said CHI-TONW. Now a man is suing the shop after getting a memorial tattoo for a late friend that was supposed to read TOMORROW NEVER PROMISED TODAY. Except the tattoo reads TOMMORROW. Artist claims he wrote it exactly as it was written on the slip of paper.
25:06 – A new domain extension is now available, .me, which has caused godaddy.com some problems. Nine different people claim to have bought the same one, aweso.me.
29:08 – A new service called slydial lets you connect with another person’s voicemail, bypassing the ringing process and eradicating the chance of them picking up on you. They receive a vm notification and a missed call. Call 267-SLYDIAL
38:34 – According to the CDC, the most unhealthy and obese states are found in the South. Mississippi is No. 1, preceded by 5) West Virginia, 4) Louisiana, 3) Tennessee, and 2) Alabama
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
6:48 – Johns Hopkins University researchers claim that rise in personal listening devices will cause 1 in 3 adults to suffer in recognizable degree in hearing loss. Could have a future generation of deaf people. Jah remembers everyone saying that about Walkmans when we were kids, and thinks that the physics of in-ear headphones allow people to listen to lower volumes, so this isn’t necessarily going to pan out
8:22 – Police in Lake Ozark area of Missouri busted a pregnant prostitution ring running out of a hotel this week
15:18 – Seth watches video of Criss Angel escaping from an imploding hotel in Clearwater, Fla., but also sees footage from the local Fox affiliate that spots a figure dressed the same exact way as Criss running out of the adjacent building and lying down in the rubble, then coming out at the same area where the show spots him
17:09 – Lifestyle Condoms has offered Miley Cyrus $1 million and a lifetime supply of condoms to get the word out on safe sex to American teens. She is 15 years old. Jah admits that he was certainly having intercourse at age 15.
19:47 – New scam going on where people say they find your lost dog. You get a phone call, saying they’re a delivery driver and they have a tight delivery schedule and found the dog, they’re four states away, and if they get a Western Union payment they will get the dog back to them by chartering a driver back to them
22:52 – Hot new fashion is eye jewelry, where people attach a string to their contact lens with jewelry on the end of it
26:27 – Google claims it’s now the most comprehensive search engine, now passing over 1 trillion URLs
34:59 – Breastfeeding is at its highest rate in 20 years. The new trend is crossnursing, where you not only breastfeed your own child but your neighbor’s child too
37:22 – Harvard researchers claim that eating even a half-serving a day of soy-based foods could significantly lower a man’s sperm count. Jah says he can attest to the change in male ejaculate when one has turned vegan. He claims it gets much thinner and also doesn’t taste as bleachy. Seth wants to know how he attests to the second. Jah: “None of your biz dude.” Seth: “None of your jizz.”
3:13 – Seth reads some crazy 911 calls from around the country: Guy in Jacksonville calls about a situation at Subway, he ordered 2 sandwiches and didn’t get what he paid for, then they locked him outside the store and he said he wouldn’t leave until they took care of it … Another one has a person in a drive-thru saying he wanted a Western BBQ Burger and isn’t leaving until he gets one, and the people are inside mopping the floors … Another person calls to be connected to Domino’s Pizza (Episode 001, 23:05).
7:34 – 25-year-old man pulled over in Minneapolis going 80 mph in a 25 mph zone, also going the wrong way on a one-way. After police pulled him over he said “Oh, sorry, I was texting.”
10:24 – Some high schools this year are going to be charging $5 just to get a locker
12:23 – US Airways will now charge $1 for coffee and $2 for all sodas on their flights. Jet Blue now charges $7 for blankets which you keep.
15:58 – November 2008 will see the last print issue of Playgirl
19:19 – Christopher Emmott, before his death by lethal injection, had this to say to Virginia governor Tim Cain, who declined to give him a stay of execution: “Tell the governor he just lost my vote.”
22:07 – Google employee proposes to his fiancé using Google streetmaps, with the street view camera that went outside his Mountain View offices. He refers to this as “Proposal 2.0”
25:32 – Portland Cinemagic theater was taking down the marquee for Hancock this week, and putting up the marquee for Dark Knight. Someone took a picture of it during this transition and it read THE DARK COCK
29:27 – Hot new trend for moms – pregorexia – moms want to stay healthy while they’re pregnant and stop eating, gain as little weight as possible.
32:28 – A commercial was being shot on the set of the Price Is Right for a video game version, with Plinko preset to hit $10,000. They forget to reset the game, and a female contestant hits $10,000 three times in a row before they figure it out and reset it
48:20 – National crime bureau releases the top cars stolen for 2007, the top 4 were the same as 2006: 5) 1994 Chevy pickup, 4) 1997 Ford F-150, 3) 1989 Toyota Camry, 2) 1991 Honda Accord, 1) 1995 Honda Civic
7:31 – Chicago police officer Barbara Nevins was fired for demanding free Starbucks coffee at 5 different locations. When she was denied she pulled out her badge and began waving her gun around
8:27 – Roman Catholic Archdioces of Cincinnati has issued all priests a list of things not to do as far as interactions with male alter boys: no kissing, tickling, wrestling, bear hugs, etc.
10:50 – PETA is asking to rent space on the country’s US-Mexico border fence, so they can put up signs that read IF THE BORDER PATROL DOESN’T GET YOU, THE CHICKEN AND BURGERS WILL. GO VEGAN.
13:40 – Matthew McConaughey has kept the placenta from his son’s birth and plans to plant it in an orchard: “I hope it will fertilize the land. It’s going to bear wonderful fruit.”
21:08 – Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have been working on a new pill called CP154526 which stops all the euphoric effects of alcohol but will not prevent the sloppiness or the hangover. Jah: “You guys made it backwards.”
39:53 – Deputy in Dewitt County, TX, filmed with his dash cam the year’s first sighting of the Chupacabra, the Latin American Bigfoot, which attacks and drinks the blood of goats
40:30 – Blender magazine asked presidential candidates top 10 songs of all time. Obama’s #1 was “Ready Or Not” by the Fugees, and #6 was “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West. McCain’s #1 song was “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, and #3 was “Take A Chance On Me” by ABBA
51:55 – Ernest Borgnine, 91, was on Fox & Friends this morning, and was asked “How do you look so good?” Borgnine first says “I dare not tell you,” then tries to whisper to one of the hosts, “I masturbate a lot,” except the microphones pick up everything he says
7:55 – Coming to King’s Island in April 2009 is the Diamondback, a hypercoaster with open-air stadium style seating, where everyone is in the front. It’s being referred to as “3 minutes of sheer terror.” Seth reveals that he’s never been on a roller coaster in his life
18:43 – In Michigan, because technically a dead body is not a person, it is not protected under any nursing home patient abuse laws. 3 women will not face jail time after cell phone photos were discovered of them hanging out with a dead 80-something-year-old woman
26:17 – Arizona’s mental hospitals have been told to eliminate all smoking for their patients
31:19 – The 99 cents store is finally making select items cost over 99 cents. Jah admits he was just there when he went to dress up as the raver for Halloween
35:41 – For people who think Google is too white, there’s Rushmore Drive – search engine that targets the black community. In Google, the first thing that comes up when you search “Whitney” is the Whitney Museum in Virginia. On Rushmore Drive it’s Whitney Houston. Boo yah. Jah informs us that there’s also a “Blackle” search engine for eco-friendly people, which has a black background which requires much less energy to produce the screen image
39:49 – The federal government began a pilot program on Aug. 5 in five cities (San Diego, Chicago, Charlotte, Phoenix and Santa Ana) that allows illegal immigrants to voluntarily turn themselves in. In exchange, they are allowed 90 days to leave the country so they don’t have to risk arrest or sudden deportation. In those 5 cities there are 5,000 illegal aliens, and 6 people have turned themselves in. Government is not ready to say whether the program is a success or not
42:09 – Bobby Guffey always plays the same combination of lottery numbers every week. He goes to buy his ticket this week and forgets his bifocals, then realizes he punched in the wrong number. He goes back to get the correct number of his son’s birthday, then the incorrect one actually wins him $3 million in the Indiana Lottery ($1.2 million after taxes).
48:28 – Ian Zeiring quote: “Steve Sanders lives in our hearts and in our minds. But I don’t think I want to do this show. I think it might be a step backwards.”
51:22 – 20-year-old girl in Ohio boned down on a 15-year-old and she became pregnant. She’s now 21, he’s now 16. The girl is on trial for unlawful sexual contact with a minor, faces 2 years in prison and registering as a sex offender. Another court has ordered him to pay $50 a month for child support
2:53 – Superintendents in Butler County have voted not to allow high school cheerleaders to wear their uniforms to school on Fridays
5:55 – John McCain at a fundraiser speech in Phoenix, surrounded by teenagers, brings a special friend to perform. His name? Daddy Yankee.
7:21 – The USPS will lose around $2 billion this year, and could lose at least that much next year
16:16 – Boyfriend jeans is the new trend – girls wearing their boyfriends’ jeans. Jah is down with it, Seth is not
17:17 – Jah reads an excerpt from the autobiography of Matthew McConaughey’s mother, Kay McConaughey, talking about her husband’s death: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong because I didn’t hear anything from him, just nothing. But it was just the best way to go.” And talking about him being taken out to the ambulance naked: “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey and his gift.”
20:31 – Seth was reading about how the largest land predators, polar bears, and the largest sea predators, sharks, are being affected by global warming and forced out of their natural environments. Eventually we’re ramping up for the two animals to go full deathmatch on small patches of ice in the arctic. Jah thinks the shark would win because the polar bear would have no grabability out at sea. Seth thinks the polar bear would win because he would latch onto the ice and club the shark
31:23 – Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani had a new baby boy who joins 2-year-old Kingston. His name is Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.
33:29 – Google has canceled free dinners for all employees (breakfast and lunch still free). Executive chef Joseph Desimone was stolen away by Facebook. The Mountain View HQ offers estimated $72 million per year in free food. New employees of Google put on the “Google 15” because of all the restaurants. Jah and Amir were supposed to do a gig there and would have gotten paid super well, but it fell through
35:28 – Ventura County man has now rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks
51:15 – Darryl Hanna being interviewed by Fox News outside the DNC: “I’m not going to the convention at all. I refuse to go into a building that’s named after a beverage that causes obesity and diabetes.”
52:50 – In Bellville, Michigan, Fred Homes had saved up thousands of dollars over the past year, planning to surprise his family with a trip to Disney World. In order to hide the money, he took a DVD copy of Sin City and hid it underneath the chapter booklet. His wife had a garage sale and sold Sin City with two other movies for $10. Jah says that if they were a huge show they could get that money back and send it to him. Jah predicts the other 2 DVDs were Click and Gone In 60 Seconds
55:27 – Trend popping up of parents going in and airbrushing the school photos of their children for maximum exposure
3:17 – Football widows: women whose husbands are completely out of pocket because of football season and fantasy leagues, etc.
7:29 – Starbucks is now offering oatmeal for $2.45. Jah is totally down with it and wonders if he can get it with soy milk. Howard Schultz said that the smell of the oatmeal will not overpower the smell of the coffee, although Jah says they still haven’t dealt with the smells resulting from the cleaning solutions used on the panini makers they tried
8:53 – A panel of doctors for the American Academy of Otolaryngology and Head & Neck Surgery Foundation released new guidelines for ear care. Earwax serves as a protective lubricator and has antibacterial properties. Resist the urge to use Q-Tips because they push the cerumen (secretion, hair and dead skin) deeper and into more dangerous areas of the ear canal. Seth has thrown his Q-Tips out as a result of this
10:47 – Original iPhones are selling for more than the 3G versions because they’re easier to unlock and hack, making them easier to convert to other cellular carriers or connect to open wireless networks
11:54 – Accuweather.com now has the frizz index, which lets you know the dramatic effect the weather could have on your hair
23:14 – California prisons are preparing for an onslaught of gay weddings at the 33 state-run facilities. Inmates cannot marry fellow inmates of the same prison, a rule that was made because officials are concerned that an inmate could discover information that another inmate has a lot of property/assets on the outside, then force him to marry him and gain equal access to the assets
26:21 – In Niagara Falls, N.Y., 52-year-old James Curtis was charged with aggravated harassment after posting a sign in the Public Works office that said WHITES ONLY above a drinking fountain. When questioned about it, he said it was not racial.
30:42 – 6-year-old girl playing hide and go seek with her grandma, comes out of the bushes with a “doll,” which turns out to be a live baby with an umbilical cord still attached. They brought the baby to the hospital totally safe and sound
35:48 – A 12,000-member kids’ sports league in Indiana has banned the use of first names and/or nicknames on all boys or girls team jerseys to protect children from potential sexual predators
39:56 – The Frisky, a women’s dating/lifestyle website, posed the question “What would you do if you had a penis for a day?” Some of the answers: I’d slap it on counters and stuff. … I would totally get it hard and beep a horn with it. … Poke it in holes. … I would probably have sex with various holes, like a donut. … Seriously, I wanna see what the big deal is. … I hope it feels like heaven. … I’d check out this whole urinal thing. … Do I get balls too? … Seriously, I don’t think I’d be able to stop touching it. … I would write my name in pee. … I would pee on people’s heads from a roof. … I would draw eyes on the tip and make the peephole talk. … I would masturbate – a lot. Jah: “Those are some awesome answers.” Jah claims he’s done most of the answers on this list, except for peeing on people’s heads from a roof. He’s also done the “girl tuck” and the “turtle shell,” where you put everything underneath the scrotum. Seth thinks that kind of stuff is gross
48:01 – Illinois school superintendent Herschel Hanna proposed a plan to disallow students from attending senior prom unless they kept their grades up. “You’re not in school to drop it like it’s hot.”
49:26 – Jah recaps the dude who exposed himself three times to 7 drive-through Java Girls baristas (Episode 129, 3:45). He has finally been caught, and said “Once you start it’s hard to stop.”
51:05 – New studies from Stanford’s Human Interaction Lab indicate that in the virtual world, the younger, fitter and more attractive you are, the better you’ll fare
51:44 – Australian company Village Road Show will unveil 3 upscale movie theaters in 2009 called Gold Class Cinemas, including online seating reservations, valet parking, in-theater food and beverage. It only costs $35 per ticket, not including the exquisite food menu that has duck tacos, Kobe beef burgers and crème brulee on it.
55:18 – A new website, ParentConnect.com posts all of kids’ grades, attendance, teacher comments, upcoming assignments, tests, etc. This infuriates Seth.
3:04 – New ecological threat: Global dimming – a marked decrease in the amount of sunlight that reaches the earth’s surface. Jah thinks it’s because so many people are tanning. For Jah’s birthday Seth got him 5 sessions at Ibiza Tan on Fairfax. Jah has 2 remaining tans
4:53 – Naming rights for new football stadium for NY Giants and NY Jets may go to a German insurance company called Allianz that worked with the Nazis in WWII. They denied insurance for any of the Jews or their family members who died at Auschwitz death camp.
6:07 – Neighbors complaining about a house on a street in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which features a black doll hanging from a cross in their yard. The owner says it is not racist but sentimental. The owner’s dog’s name is also Hitler.
12:12 – Col. Sanders’ original handwritten recipe of 11 herbs and spices was removed from KFC’s corporate offices for the first time in several decades, allowing KFC to revamp the security that surrounds the company’s biggest secret
15:04 – Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter (Bristol), has some interesting quotes on his Myspace page: I’m a fuckin redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirtbikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys. Do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin chillin.’ You fuck with me, I’ll kick ass. I don’t want kids.
17:28 – New food items at the Texas State Fair: chicken fried bacon and deep fried jelly beans
21:51 – Growing danger on American roads is stunting – people doing tricks on motorcycles, videotaping and putting them on YouTube.
26:03 – American parents are facing a common problem of babysitters who spend more time texting than watching their kids
29:01 – Retired gay porn star Kurt Wild was fired from his job at Subway after a customer who recognized him complained and threatened a boycott of the store if he wasn’t fired
33:33 – The Association of Professional Flight Attendants, which represents 19,000 American Airlines flight attendants, wants the airline to install software that prevents passengers from surfing porn on their handheld internet devices in the backs of chairs
39:22 – In Rockland, Calif., 34-year-old Keith Fonte was arrested after walking up to two different groups of men completely nude and asking if they wanted to play. One group booked it and the other group called the authorities. He was later identified by another group that had seen him do it on another day
40:27 – Walter Freeman, a 72-year-old sex offender, left a courthouse and was rearrested 30 minutes later standing next to an ice cream truck offering to buy two young boys an ice cream
48:35 – As fuel prices are rising many schools are limiting school bus routes, and now they have “walking school buses” where kids walk together in a long line to school. Seth is pissed about this and compares it to when people would call airport taxis “limousines.”
50:59 – The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety is attempting to raise the minimum age to have a driver’s license to 18 years old
52:24 – New battle for American parents – superlice. Lice that have developed a full immunity to all currently used insecticides
56:18 – Brad Garrett, former star of Everybody Loves Raymond, had a prostate exam live on national television for the Step Up to Cancer fund
58:01 – A 22-year-old graduate student at Sacramento State is auctioning off her virginity, teaming up with Dennis Hoff of the Bunny Ranch to sell herself to the highest bidder. She wants someone who is intelligent and tender. She is paying for her master’s in marriage and family therapy
1:01:09 – A robber in a wheelchair armed with a bat and a knife rolled into a Dallas 7-11, beat the register with the bat until it opened. He took no cash, instead he pocketed a box of condoms and an energy drink.
4:21 – Reporter from the Rocky Mountain News was following a story about a 3-year-old boy who was killed in a Baskin Robbins when a truck inadvertently drove into the store. The reporter has supplemented his coverage of the story by tweeting the funeral using Twitter. As he was tweeting he was saying “people are sobbing,” “procession begins,” “people gather at graveside,” etc.
21:20 – In Green Bay, Wis., a 33-year-old woman is accused of stealing her daughter’s identity and then going to high school and trying out for the cheerleading team. She says she had no childhood and was trying to regain a part of her life that she had missed.
24:38 – Hot new trend for upcoming Christmas season is people wrapping gifts with actual sheets of dollar bills
41:42 – Chevrolet is getting hit hard financially and is now scaling back production of the Corvette. Jah’s favorite model year is a 1977, scratch that, a 1973 Stingray.
43:03 – NBC has sold 85% of their Super Bowl ads for 2009
44:35 – 18-to-24-year-olds are more interested in looking at Myspace and Facebook than they are porn sites. Porn use is down for the first time in 10 years
45:06 – Totspot, Lilgrams and Kidmondo are 3 names of social networking sites for infants/toddlers
47:46 – Attorney generals from 25 different states have asked Miller/Coors to ban their new version of Sparks, Sparks Red, which will have the highest volume of alcohol yet
49:08 – Teenage girls across the U.S. wear sweatpants/shorts with writing across the butt. Some girls have started putting their boyfriends’ names put across the shorts (JAH’S ASS). A school district in Texas is issuing denim inmate prison jumpsuits for any girl who wears those to school
56:25 – Researchers have studied the data, ratings and top lists of the hotornot.com website. They found that all men, no matter where they are rated in the scheme, believe they have a chance with the most highly rated attractive women on the site
58:02 – Four firefighters from San Diego are suing the city for being forced to drive their truck in a 3-hour gay pride parade. The mandatory participation was ordered by their lesbian fire chief. The crowd gave them numerous cat calls and harassment, etc.
1:02 – Parents enrolling kids 4-10 years old in child health clubs featuring tiny-sized equipment and classes for kids
2:55 – The Lighthouse Mission at the True North Community Church in Long Island received an anonymous winning lottery ticket this week worth $3 million. Church cannot accept the gift, however, because they counsel gamblers and this would be in contrast to their mission
5:49 – New study finds that the average automobile contains almost 400 kinds of different bacteria. Turning on the car’s heat will incubate and send potent fungi and germs around the automobile
6:42 – A teen girl in Dallas was forbidden from wearing a rosary around her neck because she was told it was a gang symbol
9:05 – Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend Casey videotaped Jamie Lynn breastfeeding her baby in a Louisiana Wal-Mart, her breasts were exposed, someone got copies of the photos, and local police have begun a child pornography investigation because she’s 17 years old
11:07 – Gov. Schwarzenegger has signed a bill in California starting Jan. 1, 2009, that says you can no longer text while driving
13:00 – Clay Aiken is allegedly a new father and a new homosexual
21:43 – This past Monday saw the premier of Logo’s six-episode docusoap, Shirts & Skins, which follows the gay basketball team, The Rockdogs, who live in a converted firehouse
33:01 – PETA is petitioning Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream in Vermont to replace cow’s milk in their ice cream with breast milk. Jah comes up with a couple flavors to fit this theme: Mama’s Marzapan and Big Mama Cass’ Caramel Tittie Crunch.
34:33 – The iPhone 3G power adapter may cause electric shock
36:18 – Kirk Cameron plays a firefighter in the new movie Fireproof, about a married couple rediscovering their love of their faith and each other. Since Kirk refuses to kiss any other woman beside his wife, the filmmakers had to dress his wife up to look like the female lead and they shot a scene of them kissing in a dark silhouette scene to splice that into the movie
54:54 – The Des Moines Area Community College is apologizing for a typo that appeared in their school calendars that were passed out this week to more than 10,000 students. A calendar entry for Feb. 16, 2009, salutes Black History Month with a “Lynch and Learn.”
0:45 – Jay-Z is introducing a new fragrance: 91X Rocawear
4:56 – Jah updates his complaint about the eco Starbucks cups that had ill-fitting lids. The new lids are now in at Starbucks, and are much thicker. The perforation where the straw goes in is super-sharp, which doesn’t allow the green straws to go through without being punctured. Jah put his whole fist through the lid the other day. Seth: “You fisted a venti coffee.”
6:50 – Starbucks release piadinis – sausage, egg, cheddar and portabello mushroom with spinach and feta cheese - $3.25. Piadini is Italian flatbread that is square-shaped, chewy and soft
12:16 – Phillip Seton, 61, of Louisville, Ky., went in to get a circumcision, but the doctor found cancerous cells in the penile area and removed the man’s entire penis. In West Virginia last week, a man’s ass was stapled shut and he couldn’t take a dump for 17 days. He’s suing his doctor
19:33 – Chris Martin of Coldplay: “I have nothing but respect for Nickelback. They take a lot of flak from people who have never done fuck-all in their life. And I think they’re great. And that’s my final word.”
23:21 – Ave Maria University in Naples, Fla., is the first Roman Catholic university established in the U.S. in 40 years, founded by the founder of Domino’s Pizza. They recently canned the school’s basketball coach for using profanity during a scrimmage.
24:46 – Comedian Sandra Bernhardt was cut as the headliner from an annual benefit for Boston’s women’s shelter, because during a recent standup performance she claimed that Sarah Palin would get “gangraped by big black brothers” if she ever visited New York City
28:32 – Ed MacMahon is going to star in online rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com. Seth states that we are now in a Rappin’ Granny Renaissance
29:47 – The National Federation of the Blind is protesting the new movie Blindness, saying it reinforces negative stereotypes about blind people. Jah says the thing he hates the most about blind people is that they always protest stuff
33:11 – Black Dog Syndrome – black dogs are the last dogs to be adopted and they can’t find enough homes for black dogs. (Jah has 2 black rescued dogs) Jah says this is because the dog’s eyes blend in with their fur and buyers can’t get a read on the animal and feel like they can’t trust or connect with the dogs. This is spot-on to Seth’s research about it.
36:28 – Oregon Public Schools have almost systematically eliminated all dodgeball and kickball from all gym classes. They have replaced them with cup stacking or geochaching – mini treasure hunt that relies on the knowledge of navigation tools
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
44:46 – Larry Flynt just shot a porn using a Sarah Palin look-alike. He put out a Craig’s List ad and offered $3,000 for the shoot. Seth asks Jah to think of the title of the movie and Jonathan basically gets it right on the money: “Nailin’ Palin.”
45:34 – Jah says companies are now giving employees Lovesick Days – paid time after a breakup
46:25 – Bruce Springsteen will be playing at halftime of this year’s Super Bowl
49:01 – Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were seen shopping for wedding rings at a Zales in Dallas
53:24 – UNLV has a new class for students called Nightclub Management – where your final project is throwing a jam at a night club and your professor gives you a grade on how good your party is
0:36 – Seth learns from the TV that Bud Light has “Drinkability.”
1:15 – More people are eating meals at home and the sudden rush has seen a jump in cookbook sales and people watching cooking TV shows
1:56 – Campbell’s Soup is doing fantastic right now, stock is rising
6:32 – It’s rumored there might be a fifth Indiana Jones
9:22 – Gmail has a new feature called “Mail Goggles” which keeps you from sending drunk e-mails. Before hitting send you must answer 5 math questions, and you can change the difficulty of the questions beforehand
14:26 – Seth ponders the validity of American Apparel being listed as the largest clothing manufacturer in the U.S., as listed in Wikipedia
16:34 – Nevada authorities have seized the records of a group called ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), a group that works to register low-income people to vote. The entire starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys was registered to vote online in Nevada among a slew of other forged names and addresses
17:50 – The Neiman Marcus 2008 Christmas catalog that allows elaborate gifts for the wealthy – you can have Jack Nicklaus design a golf course for you for $1 million, have an artist do lifesize statues of you made out of Legos or buy the Cowboys’ end zone for $500,000 and have it stuck in your backyard
24:51 – Chicago Public Schools will open a new high school next year specifically geared for the LGBT community
28:05 – In the wake of Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli, Seth and Jah joke about the fact that it was really Seth Romatelli in the fight
35:16 – Levis is changing the design of its Dockers, which has always been an unaltered design. A trend toward a slimmer look will change that pleated “big butt” look. Seth says that 9 out of 10 American males ages 18-39 has a pair of Dockers in his closet
38:04 – Since June 17, more gay couples were married in California than in the four years since it’s been legal in Massachusetts
1:31 – Nebraska has a safe haven law that allows children to be dropped off outside of any state licensed hospital without penalty. The law states that a child of any age can be dropped off. This week a mother in Michigan drove 12 hours to Omaha and dropped off her 13-year-old son
14:14 – Virgin Galactic out of Las Cruces, N.M. will open in 2010 and charge $200,000 for a person to experience zero gravity in outer space for two hours. They just turned down a $1 million offer from a company that wanted to shoot the first space porn. Seth ponders if anyone has had sex in zero gravity
15:39 – A study will be presented next week at the American College of Emergency Physicians annual meeting, that when performing CPR, the perfect rhythm is 100 compressions per minute – or the 1970s hit “Stayin’ Alive” by the Beegees, which is 103 bpm
16:47 – 1200 sex offenders in Maryland have begun receiving paper signs in their mail that read NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE over a pumpkin on the sign. They must turn off all their lights and post this sign on their door or they face parole violation
21:24 – A trail of emotional damage is being left by American women’s flirtation with same-sex affairs – fauxmosexuals. They’re causing damage to true lesbians, who will be left with the damage once the fad goes out of style. Celesbians, celebrity lesbians, are contributing to the mass paranoia
23:55 – A study in the Journal of Fish Biology has scientists confirming the second case of a virgin birth in a shark. DNA testing showed there was no genetic material from a male nor any male sharks at the aquarium
27:50 – Researchers at Rutgers University did a study on freshmen college girls. The “Freshman 15” is a myth – it’s actually the “Freshman 7”
31:18 – Connecticut legalizes gay marriage
33:46 – Phish announces they’re getting back together with reunion shows March 6-8
54:51 – Companies are stealing photos off of people’s Flickr pages and using them in ads and print jobs
2:47 – John McCain during a rally in N.H.: “…rates were cunt in the Bush years.”
4:42 – Quote from David Sedaris: “I look at these people and I can’t quite believe they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and eventually parks it beside my seat. ‘Can I interest you in the chicken,’ she asks, ‘Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?’ To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask, ‘How is the chicken cooked?’”
16:29 – McCain’s campaign has used quite a few songs during rallies and speeches, and several artists have written letters because the songs have been used without permission: Bon Jovi’s “Who Says You Can’t Go Home”; Jackson Browne’s “Runnin’ On Empty” ; Foo Fighters “My Hero”; Van Halen “Right Now”; John Mellencamp “Pink Houses”; and Heart “Barracuda.”
20:29 – Miller Coors LLC has announced they will discontinue production of the original alco-pop, Zima. They claim there is enough to last through Christmas of 2008. It was released in 1993 in the “Clear Craze” of Crystal Clear Pepsi and Tab Clear. Reached its peak in 1994, and in 1995 they debuted Zima Gold for men
23:08 – New trend – STDE-cards, e-cards that inform people you’ve recently tested positive for an STD, and warning the recipients to get tested
25:27 – Seth warns us that there’s been sightings in the Chicago area of a man dressed as a clown trying to talk to children. Clowns don’t bother Jah like they do most people
31:12 – Barack Obama tells people in Philly that although he’s a White Sox fan he’ll root for the Phillies now that the Sox lost. In Tampa, Obama says he’s showing love to the Rays. Seth says he takes that sports team reference stuff seriously
33:14 – WMVN 101.1 FM in St. Louis switched to an all-Christmas format through the rest of the year beginning last week (mid-October)
38:10 – The Nebraska governor and lawmakers finally narrowed the broad law of abandoning children – it now only applies to babies up to 3 days old
38:57 – Gmail has canned responses that saves text and lets you send e-mails with predetermined content
45:28 – In an effort to get people to stop eating fish, PETA has called a new publicity campaign calling fish “sea kittens.”
50:17 – The city of Peabody, Mass., issued a new contract for the Peabody Police Department, giving holiday pay for any officer who works on September 11
56:16 – Clint Malarchuk – former NHL goalie best known for having jugular vein slashed by a skate and almost killed in a 1989 hockey game, is recovering after accidentally shooting himself in the face with a rifle
5:54 – Nebraska has agreed to change their safe haven law for kids to be dropped off, but changing the law takes time. Before the law gets changed, two more teens have been dropped off. A mother drove 16 hours from Georgia to drop off her 12-year-old, and a 15-year-old Nebraska girl was left as well. There was also a father who dropped off nine children.
11:11 – A 56-year-old woman in Ohio had triplets this week. Because of complications, she had them by C-section. The embryos were implanted into her uterus by en vitro fertilization. Those embryos belong to her daughter and son-in-law, so she had her own grandchildren
15:17 – In these oh-so tough economic times, there’s been a sharp rise in sperm donations by men and egg donations by women. Ads have come out saying DON’T WASTE YOUR SPERM. DONATE NOW.
19:02 – Sarah Palin in Erie, PA: “I am thrilled to be here in the home state of the world champion Philadelphia Phillies.” She was then booed by the entire audience because Erie is in Western Pennsylvania, where the Pirates are king.
23:23 – A study published in the Journal of Science said that people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-25 seconds warmed to a perfect stranger. People holding a cup of iced coffee had the complete opposite effect.
24:12 – A Denton TX man was arrested in a large department store for stealing a tube of male enhancement cream/numbing agent. He was followed into a bathroom stall, where he applied the cream. He then walked into the toy section of the store and pulled out his penis in front of a girl who was by the Barbie dolls.
29:02 – Beverly Hills Chihuahua, now in its fourth week of release, has made more money than the Ed Norton/Colin Farrell movie “Pride and Glory”
30:54 – Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting on Extra, and got mad at the interviewer when he started laughing at him
41:32 – Pepsi’s new 20-oz plastic bottles have new extra wrinkly plastic and a reconfigured logo to look more like the Obama logo, and Mountain Dew is just called mtn dew on the bottle
48:37 – Up for sale on eBay is “Lucky rain” collected no more than 5 miles away from Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia in a pan on a man’s front porch, on the night of their World Series-clinching win. You can buy it now for $8.99.
51:01 – John McCain’s brother, Joe, called 911 the other day on his way home, saying this: “Do you know why on one side, at the damn drawbridge at 95, traffic is stopped for 15 minutes, and yet traffic is coming the other way?” Operator: “Sir, are you calling to complain about traffic?” Joe McCain: “Fuck you.”
8:04 – Courtenay Semel, former Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel’s daughter, had an altercation with a security guard at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. When the guard tried to detain her she said, “Do you even know who I am? Google me, you dumb fuck!”
10:34 – Miami had its first murder-free month (October 2008) in over 42 years
16:34 – A family in Minnesota took their 7-year-old son (ghoulish skateboarder) and 9-year-old daughter (witch) trick-or-treating. They got home and the kids were dumping out their candy, and they found a brown paper bag with $85 in cash and 2.2 grams of meth in the boy’s bag
19:05 – Every 18 seconds an elderly person 65 or older ends up in an emergency room because of a fall. Every 35 minutes, an elderly person 65 or older dies from complications from a fall
21:57 – Don Doan, 62, a church deacon, bowled for the same team in the Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna, Michigan, for 32 years. Minutes after bowling his first perfect game of his life, during his enthusiastic high-fiving of his teammates, he died of a heart attack.
40:24 – The color for 2009 is mimosa, according to Seth
43:38 – Newark, N.J. mayor Corey Booker: “I want to celebrate all of America: its richness, its diversity, its deliciousness. I want to luxuriate the racial deliciousness of our country.”
44:38 – Seth and Jah bring up New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin’s crazy 2006 quote about how to make a “Chocolate City.” (Episode 016, 7:25)
45:30 – A 15-year-old girl was dropped off at an Omaha, Nebraska hospital this week, bringing the total number of kids dropped off to 27.
4:59 – The University of Oxford has released the 10 most irritating expressions in the English language: 10) It’s not rocket science; 9) 24/7; 8) Shouldn’tve; 7) It’s a nightmare; 6) Absolutely (Seth says this is kind of like when Jah says “Smokin!”; 5) With all due respect (Jah: “Shneer, with all due respect…”); 4) At this moment in time; 3) I personally; 2) Fairly unique; 1) At the end of the day
12:31 – Michael Jackson signed over control of the Neverland Ranch to some sort of holdings company, LLC. Over the years, thousands and thousands of kids have visted the ranch. Jackson: “Once you come in the gates, the outside world does not exist.”
13:57 – Texas Longhorns center Buck Burnette was dropped from his team for posting the following quote on his Facebook page: ALL THE HUNTERS GATHER UP. WE HAVE A NIGGER IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
14:51 – The Sapulpa Daily Herald (Okla.) did not report anywhere in the paper that Barack Obama had been elected the day after the November election. It did, however, have a paragraph mentioning that everyone in the county voted for McCain
16:17 – A female from Oklahoma was brought down to Louisiana for a KKK rally, and when she said she didn’t want to be there anymore they killed her and dumped the body
18:24 – Secret Service code names for the presidential family-elect: Barack Obama – Renegade; Michelle Obama – Renaissance; Sasha Obama – Rosebud; Malia Obama – Radiance; Joe Biden – Celtic; Jill Biden – Capri
22:29 – Lindsay Lohan to Access Hollywood this week: “It’s an amazing feeling. It’s our, you know, first … “colored” president.”
23:30 – Hewlett Packard has pulled their new ad campaign for the Touchsmart computer because it uses the song “Do You Want To Touch Me?”, a song performed by Joan Jett but written by Gary Glitter, who served two years in a Vietnamese prison for touching boys
24:40 – Toyota has been using Fixx’s “Saved By Zero” in its commercials, which is getting hammered all over the blogosphere, etc.
32:30 – Nebraska has seen its 30th child left by a parent – a 17-year-old boy. An 18-year-old girl was also dropped off, but because of her age she was placed in a homeless shelter
45:46 – Journal of Applied Animal Behavior Science reports that female koala bears in captivity repeatedly turn away male koala bear suitors to engage in huge lesbian orgies. The rates are five times greater than those that occur in the wild
48:25 – Anthony Michaels is suing Classmates.com, founded in 1995, for fraud, because the website told him that former school pals were trying to contact him. He paid an extra $15 to upgrade to the gold membership, only to find that no one was trying to contact him. The website lied to him.
50:32 – Another casualty of the economic crisis is downsized office Christmas parties, because companies either don’t have money or are pretending not to have money – cheaper locations, less catering, no open bar, etc.
51:57 – The Texas Attorney General has filed a lawsuit against Darque Tan because they claim their tanning beds help fight cancer b/c the beds use Vitamin D which decrease cancer risks
54:36 – There’s a gun run going on in this country across many southern states. Gun buyers are stocking up on assault rifles and handguns, and sales are the highest they’ve ever been since 9/11. Many are worried that Obama will impose a ban on these guns like Clinton did before Bush. Many people have told stores they are preparing to defend themselves in preparation of a race war
11:23 – Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, weighed in on the California gay marriage issue: “God came to earth and saw people just sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever and just cleared it all out. He was like, ‘Enough!’”
23:02 – Nebraska lawmakers have given preliminary approval to a new 30-day age limit for children to be legally abandoned under the state’s safe haven law, bringing the total tally to 34 kids total
32:47 – TiVo and Domino’s have launched a new service this week – TiVo’ing your pizza order and then half an hour later hearing your doorbell ring
37:38 – Huntington, W. Va., is America’s fattest and unhealthiest city. It also holds the title of worst dental hygience, with half of the citizens over 65 having already lost their teeth. The healthiest city in America is Burlington, VT
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
43:40 – 38-year-old Robert Melia Jr., a cop in Moorestown, N.J., was suspended from the force after being charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Police turned up several homemade porn tapes of Robert in various sex acts with cows
46:09 – A suburban Philadelphia landlord secretly videotaped 34 female tenants over the course of two decades. Thomas Daley had installed cameras in seven apartments that he rented to women and their female roommates
49:53 – Patricia Villamarin has been paid $15 per hour to take care of kids in the Hancock Park and Larchmont areas of Los Angeles ; however she was dumping them in an unlicensed daycare in a Hollywood apartment for $5 a kid, pocketing $10 an hour and driving down to Chinatown to work her 9-5 job of selling produce. Some of the parents got wise to what was going on and the nanny got busted
1:00 – A mailman in N.C., 58-year-old Steven Padgett, was given probation this week in federal court after having been found out that he had hid seven years worth of junk mail in his home instead of delivering it. He felt overwhelmed by the mail and hid it in and around his house, in his garage and even buried some. Not one customer complained to the USPS in seven years. Seth claims that junk mail is the only thing keeping the USPS alive
9:54 – The National Sleep Foundation found that the typical American gets 6 hours and 40 minutes of sleep each night. Nielsen reports that US television use is at an all-time high – being on at the house an average of 8 hours and 18 minutes per day
12:16 – This Friday, Dec. 5, will mark the 75th anniversary of the end of Prohibition. To celebrate this, Jonathan says he is going to watch The Untouchables.
13:17 – In order to calm his nerves and not put too much pressure on himself, Paul McCartney has given himself an alter-ego while recording his upcoming album, Electric Arguments. He now goes up to the mic as “Gladys Jenkins.”
15:34 – New Orleans has been awarded the most crime-ridden city in the United States
16:20 – According to the Journal of Biological Psychology, brain scans of teens with a history of bullying suggest they get pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain. Areas of the brain linked to reward became active when bullying
18:36 – There’s a guy who appears in the book “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” from the website, and is now suing because he is suffering a lot of public shame and humiliation because he has been labeled as such
21:32 – A man died of a heart attack inside The Pussycat Theater (a gay movie theater) and in the obit it said he was survived by his wife and three children
28:50 – A Swedish hip-hop artist and songwriter has been arrested for a road rage confrontation on a Hollywood street that left a pedestrian dead. David Moses Jassy, a 34-year-old musician also known as Dave Monopoly, was arraigned. A 55-year-old local jazz musician, John Osnes, slapped Jasse’s SUV when it crept into his crosswalk. Jassy then got out of his car, punched Osnes in the face and kicked him in the head. When Osnes bent over to pick up his glasses, Jassy broke free of people trying to restrain him, got back behind the wheel of the SUV and ran over Osnes – a pedestrian rights activist
33:44 – WATCH – The World Against Toys Causing Harm, a watchdog group has warned parents in the US to look out for the Michaelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nunchucks ($9.99 at Target) because they can cause blunt impact injury
38:12 – In order to cover all the costs incurred during a typical school year, a high school in San Diego has allowed local businesses to advertise and run ads on the students’ tests. A recent calculus test had a banner on the top and bottom of the page that said BRACE YORUSELF FOR A GREAT SEMESTER – BRACES BY HENRY, STEVEN P. HENRY, D.MD
43:11 – A football game on Thursday that has been shot in 3D will be shown in three movie theaters in LA, New York and Boston – which you have to be invited to come. Guests will include big wigs from NFL sponsors and electronics companies to watch the Raiders vs. Chargers
45:01 – Seth talks about his friend, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who went to see the movie Role Models and saw a homeless man outside the theater, then bought him a ticket to the movie and gave him some extra spending cash. The homeless man, named “Doc,” went into the theater and sat by Romo and watched the movie together.
47:32 – Brad Pitt was stopped by security for entering the premiere of his own movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
50:33 – In Culver City, there’s a green eco battle going on between two neighbors – one has put solar panels all over his roof, and the other has surrounded his property in trees to block the sun and conserve energy, except the solar panels aren’t working because of the shade
51:55 – Stainless steel netting costing up to $50 million will be placed beneath the Golden Gate bridge to catch would-be suicide jumpers. 2,000 people have jumped from the bridge since it opened in 1937. Through October, 19 people have jumped in 2008
4:50 – Video stores and libraries have been getting Netflix accounts, putting the movies into blank cases and then re-renting them to customers
7:31 – NBC reports that 8 of the 65 30-second spots available for Super Bowl XLII are available. Jonathan pleads to the listeners to pony up a little bit of cash per person to raise $3 million for a 30-second spot advertising UYD
16:46 – 9-year-old Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet for his school’s book fair. It has been picked up by a publishing house and turned into a 49-page book available in book stores. It’s called “How To Talk To Girls.” In the book he talks about combing hair, not showing off and going easy on the compliments. He also says pretty girls are like cars because they need a lot of oil.
22:44 – 2008 Top 10 most searched terms on Yahoo!: 10) American Idol, 9) Angelina Jolie, 8) Lindsay Lohan, 7) Naruto (Japanese cartoon), 6) Jessica Alba, 5) Runescape (online game), 4) Mylie Cyrus, 3) WWE, 2) Barack Obama, 1) Britney Spears
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them threw their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
34:35 – Michael Phelps was on 60 Minutes and it took everything Anderson Cooper had not to start making out with him. They go to a swimming pool and Cooper takes his shirt off and tries to swim against him
39:39 – A Rastafarian, Bobby Brown, is suing the Jiffy Lube he works in in Massachusetts because they threatened to fire him if he doesn’t shave and cut his hair. They said they’d make him work in the bay below the cars if he didn’t.
49:35 – Crocs has won its lawsuit against Skechers, forcing them to stop making their plastic cog footwear. Seth: Are those new Crocs? They’re Skechers! Jah wishes we could see Seth’s body language right now
50:53 – 10 hours after a motorist reported striking a black bear in Lake Tahoe, the CHP reported that the bear’s gall bladder had been surgically removed, its groin area was shaved and a surgical glove was found next to the carcass. The gall bladder can sell for thousands of dollars on the black market in Asia as an aphrodesiac. Jah suspects that the person doing this is listening to a police scanner, getting there before the cops and taking care of it — or, a person runs over a bear, removes its gall bladder and calls it in afterwards
55:28 – A 31-year-old man in Nebraska was arrested because he met a “15-year-old girl” (cop) in a park for sex. He’s appealing with his lawyer on the grounds that the police used entrapment because the officer used emoticons during their online dialogue. Then when he tried to end the chat she blew him a kiss with an emoticon
56:48 – On Black Friday a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by crazy shoppers
1:00:05 – Bryan Russell, 31, of Maine, led police on a short car chase from the town he lives in to the neighboring town. He pulled over when he got to the county line and was like “What’s up fruits?!” The cops still arrested him as he apparently thought it was Dukes of Hazzard times.
0:40 – The Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience at UC-Berkeley fitted 9- and 10-year-olds with an egg cap that had electrodes on it to measure the electrical activity in their brains. Half the kids were from rich families, the other half were from poor families. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain critical to problem solving and creativity, showed vast differences. The poor kids’ brains were psychologically similar to someone with brain damage. Attributed to these kids were reading less, and having less social activity
3:38 – McDonald’s has unveiled a billboard campaign in Seattle that will roll out across the country: FOUR BUCKS IS DUMB. NOW SERVING ESPRESSO AT MCDONALD’S and LARGE IS THE NEW GRANDE. ONLY AT MCDONALD’S
5:26 – Top baby names of 2008 (a cross-section) – Girls: #1 – Emma, #15 – Riley, #22 – McKayla, #48 – Savannah, #71 – Cadence, #86 - McKenna. Boys: #1 – Aidan. #15 – Gavin, #18 – Caleb, #53 – Tristan, #95 – Bryce, #99 – Micah
8:05 – The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has banned smiling in driver’s license photos, because authorities say it will hamper facial recognition technology.
9:56 – Because the earth is slowing in its daily rotation, an international consortium of timekeepers have decided to add an extra second to the world’s atomic clocks. It will be added on Dec. 31 between 6:59:59 and 7:00:00, EST
18:24 – There have been 0 bids for the baby pics of Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz’s kid, Bronx Mogley. Pete Wentz this week: “Ashley is the kind of person that understands me in a way that other human beings don’t understand each other. She’s a lottery ticket.”
24:44 – Hot new trend: cosmetic surgery for the deceased
29:13 – Fox Sports has issued a public apology after their live NFL broadcast this Sunday. They were in the Minnesota Vikings’ locker room after their victory and a camera caught TE Visanthe Shiancoe’s dong by his locker. When told by a reporter that the clip was on YouTube, Shiancoe said, “How did it look?”
40:52 – Scientists have concluded that due to the overwhelming presence of chemicals in our environment, the male gender is in danger. Research has shown that chemicals have feminized males in every class of vertebrate animals from fish to people – baby boys born to women exposed to common household chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises and feminized genitals. More than 1,000 new gender-bender chemicals have been introduced to the world in recent years
44:32 – A report back about the football game being shown in 3D (Episdoe 143, 43:11) was that it was “quite exciting.” You could see holes being opened up for running backs to run through, etc. During NBA All-Star Saturday Night (dunk contest, 3-point contest), that will be shot in 3D HD and shown in 80 movie theaters. Jah says Laura Darlington will get up on that. Jah saw the 3D television that was at the movie theater in the marina. He said it works, although it is a bizarre experience looking at what appears to be a 3D image without glasses. He says if you’re not in the optimum viewing area it could possibly give you a bad headache
55:01 – A man got a fraudulent parking ticket in NYC for $115, and he spent $7,500 to fight it because he “had nothing else to do.”
1:35 – ESPN asks 50 Cent about an alleged fight that he got into with Floyd Mayweather Jr. Mayweather hit 50 in the back of the head. Supposedly he tried to tell 50 what to do and 50 snatched him up and Mayweather him him. The fight was over Mayweather saying 50 was going to be at his WWE match. 50: “I was like if you’re really getting $20 million for this then give me some money. He was sitting there with $1 million in cash in a bag and he kept telling me he was going to get me money for appearing but I was like ‘No give me some of that money right there.’ He had $1 million physically right in front of me so why should I have to wait to get paid? He wasn’t with it so that’s how it all started.”
3:35 – Churches across the country are taking nativity scenes seriously this year, putting hidden cameras and GPS trackers inside baby Jesus to keep them from being stolen, etc.
7:45 – A hot new trend this week is loved ones being buried with their cell phones. Funeral homes report people being buried with iPhones and Blackberrys, while one woman paid her deceased husband’s cell phone bill each month and would call him occasionally and leave him a voicemail. Seth would like to be buried with his boombox
17:21 – The top grossing movie in the U.K. is now Mamma Mia!, which has made $106 million compared to Titanic’s $105 million
25:53 – Researchers have created what they are calling a “time-bending drug” that helps people deal with jet lag. It resets the body’s natural circadian rhythms and restores a natural ebb and flow to one’s sleep. It has melatonin bases that allow the user to get to sleep quicker and sleep deeper in their new time zone
27:38 – American Idol is claiming they’re going to cut down on their episodes in the beginning that feature “aspirational singers”
29:31 – 26th annual AVN Adult Movie Awards will be held on Jan. 10, 2009 at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. The cheapest ticket is $107. Hosted by Jenna Haze and Bella Donna.
38:31 – The Journal of Sleep Medicine is reporting on an alarming new trend of “z-mailing,” or people sending e-mails while sleeping
41:28 – A new study says that romantic comedies create unrealistic expectations about relationships and ultimately make it harder to find a mate and leave people less satisfied with their love life
57:39 – A man was arrested in Grapevine TX for impersonating a police officer. He had mimicked the car quite well, but for his badge he used a Chipotle gift card and had Sharpied out his name and written POLICE
1:00:00 – In Holland Township, Pa., 35-year-old Heath Campbell is quite upset with his local supermarket because they’ve refused to make birthday cakes for his 3-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter – they wouldn’t spell out the two children’s names: Adolf Hitler Campbell and Jocelyn Aryan Nation Campbell
4:26 – Alaskan state troopers have arrested Sherri Johnston, 42, after an undercover narcotics investigation. She is the mother of 18-year-old Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter, Bristol. She’s charged with 6 felony counts involving a controlled substance, the prescription painkiller oxycontin
5:42 – The U.S. military’s general order #1 – no alcohol anywhere for soldiers in Iraq – is being lifted for Super Bowl XLIII. On Sunday, Feb. 1, soldiers will be allowed to drink two beers each in the dining hall while watching the game. Jah thinks if they chugged them they could get a solid buzz going
10:37 – A commentary in the Journal Nature argued for the use of drugs such as Ritalin in healthy adults as a legitimate way of improving brain power
12:23 – A Chuck-E-Cheese in Maryland this week, a 4-year-old in his birthday party was playing in the plastic maze of tubes called skytubes. The kid’s father saw his child playing with a condom, while another father saw the boy blowing up what he thought was a balloon. Chuck-E-Cheese representatives claimed that the condom was unused
13:41 – The human nose contains erectile tissue, and Seth read something about people sneezing when they’re aroused
23:02 – PETA picked its Person of the Year, none other than Oprah Winfrey. Seth wonders if UYD could ever win an award from PETA, but Jah says it’s an improbability because they’ve been talking shit about PETA for 2 years because their game is so wack. Seth has been a vegetarian for 6 years and Jah has been one for 11 or 12
24:23 – 18-year-old Uriel Oliva of Anaheim, California was ordered by a judge not to associate with members of his street gang as part of his probation. A police officer assisting on the probation check at Oliva’s home found a photo of him and 2 of his other gang member friends sitting with Santa Claus in a picture taken at the local shopping mall. All 3 are throwing up their gang signs in the photo. Uriel is now on trial facing 3 years in state prison
37:24 – Just before Halloween, JVC – the company that introduced the Video Home System (VHS) format in 1977 – announced it would no longer make stand-alone VCRs. They were the last manufacturer to let them go. The last major Hollywood release on VHS was A History of Violence (2006).
42:03 – A 92-year-old woman bought a scratcher ticket at a supermarket in Queens, NY this week, scratched it and threw it away. The 24-year-old clerk, son of the market’s owner, checked the ticket, saw it was a winner then scratched the rest of the numbers off. Prizes totaled $1 million. The 24-year-old found the woman and gave her back the ticket because he’s the best dude ever. To show her gratitude for this, each of the woman’s 7 children gave him $100 gift cards
48:55 – Students from a high school in Montgomery County, Md. Created a game called “Speed Camera Pimping,” when the kids would take glossy photo paper, duplicate people’s license plates using the same font and colors to mimick a Maryland plate, then tape the fake licenses over their plates, exchanging vehicles among them that were similar to the victims’ vehicles. They would then purposely speed through intersections that had a red light traffic camera, and the next week the victims would receive a citation in the mail worth $300
54:06 – In Mansfield, TX, 66-year-old school bus driver William Allen was arrested for pulling a knife on 3 6-year-old girls. He threatened to cut their wrists after they left cookie crumbs on their bus seats
54:52 – A man in Buffalo, Benedict Harkins, sued a supermarket saying he tripped and fell on a rug in the store, except a surveillance camera showed him looking around, then rolling up the rug and then yelling like he got hurt
56:38 – Dude was running from the cops in a stolen car the middle of the night, he jumps out of it, runs it into a snowbank, then runs into a police station and they jack him up
3:37 – Things/laws that haven’t changed in 2009: In West Virginia, anyone who taunts someone who decides to not participate in a duel is guilty of a misdemeanor and can be fined up to $100; In Alabama, anyone who performs a marriage is entitled to $2
4:31 – Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had their baby boy, Trip. He joins his aunts and uncles, Track (19), Willow (14), Piper (7) and Trig (7 months)
13:57 – Hot new job for 2009: Death midwives. An alternative to traditional funeral services (can cost up to $10,000), for a fee of $1,500, a midwife guides the family through the legalities of losing a loved one, paperwork, death certificates, body transport permits, while being there emotionally for the family and to help ease the person into the next world. The midwife is versed in light makeup and usually brings cardboard caskets for a backyard burial and brings dry ice to allow for extended home viewing
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
23:26 – The average of a first-time mom in the United States is 25.2 years old
27:29 – Thomas Infante walked into a Chicago bank and handed the teller a note that read BE QUICK, BE QUIT. GIVE YOUR CASH OR I’LL SHOOT. The teller gave the man $400; the man ran out and left the note. The note was written on a torn half of his work paystub. On the stub was his full name and home address. The FBI then drove to his house, rang his doorbell and he answered
29:39 – It’s the height of the cruise season, and Seth informs us that 20 people go overboard every year while taking cruises
53:07 – The newest app for the iPhone is “I Am A Man,” costing $1.99, which helps you keep track of your girl’s menstrual cycle and plan your calendar around it, etc.
53:57 – Current U.S. population is 305,529,237. In the month of January, 1 birth is expected to occur every 8 seconds and a death to occur every 12 seconds
1:03:02 – There have been some aggressive anti-panhandling measures taken against homeless people in urban areas of the country
1:06 – New way of reaching out to your favorite celebrities, LiveAutographs.com is a personalized celebrity experience. You tell your favorite celebrity what you want them to say and sign, get a personalized video message and authentic autographed memorabilia. Some of the available celebs: Mario Lopez, NKOTB, Cindy Margolis, Hulk Hogan, Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Danica Patrick (Jah: “Who is that?”). Price starts at $150
7:25 – A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck, ND, called 911 on New Year’s Eve. She reported herself driving under the influence. When police arrived at the scene, the girl was on the side of the road, crying, with her keys in her purse, failed a sobriety test, and was arrested. She told police her life had been spiraling out of control and that she had spent the majority of the time drinking over the past two weeks.
11:41 – Facial recognition software has been created that can take a photo and then compare it to millions of other mug shots in the database and find perfect matches. Software is entitled “MorphoFace”
26:18 – In Jackson, Ohio, a 4-year-old was so angry at his babysitter after the babysitter stepped on his foot that he went and grabbed a shotgun from the closet and shot him
26:54 – Virginia 6-year-old missed his school bus and was bummed, but didn’t want to miss first grade breakfast or gym class, so he took the keys to his mom’s 1995 Ford Taurus, driving 10 miles while weaving in and out of traffic, reaching speeds up to 60 mph until ultimately he slammed into a utility pole. He then left the car on the side of the road and walked the rest of the way to school. He later told police he learned how to drive by playing the game Grand Theft Auto
30:23 – The FBI is warning all Americans about a “cybergeddon” – a mass coordinated cyber attack that would cripple the US by interfering with our very infrastructures that dictate our day-to-day lives
40:27 – Survey of US companies’ HR directors from a cross-section of different industries all around the country found that the #1 complaint of HR directors is internet porn in the workplace
57:25 – In keeping with death midwives (Episode 148, 13:57), people are putting their future grave plots up for sale and putting non-family members in them
58:25 – According to Global Language Monitor, an Austin-based company, the English language is roughly 1,227 words away from reaching 1 million. According to their estimations we should get their around April 29 of 2009
1:01:34 – According to the website Blue Donut, you can determine the age of your vehicle in people years. The formulaic equation for calculating this is taking the milage on your car and dividing it by the model year. Jah can’t seem to correctly divide 60,000 by 2003 to get 29.95 years (he comes up with 2,003)
1:05:08 – Lisa Bonet and her boyfriend Jason Momoa of Stargate: Atlantis had a baby and named it Nakoa Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
2:07 – AshleyMadison.com, the dating website for married people (“Life is short. Have an affair.” – Episode 102, 53:13), will not be allowed to have an ad during the Super Bowl next month. They’ve been turned down. Which leaves room for an Uhh Yeah Dude spot
6:16 – New trend for young parents. Chicken pox parties: parents organize afternoon parties and sleepovers where several kids contract the pox from one kid who is infected with the virus, and they all get it and can organize taking time off work, etc.
12:48 – In a small town in California called Monterey County (a farming town), police have arrested a migrant worker, Marcelino de Jesus Martinez, 36, from rural Juahaca, Mexico. They arrested him after he contacted them to complain about a broken agreement. He had agreed to marry off his 14-year-old daughter to an 18-year-old groom. For this he would receive in exchange $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat. The groom failed to come up with the entire dowery and Martinez went to the cops to complain
15:43 – The classic 1970s book, “The Joy of Sex,” has gotten a modern makeover for the new edition. The men and women featured in photos of the book will have decidedly less hair than their older counterparts. The chapter of sex on horseback will be taken out, as will references to black women as negresses. It will also contain a chapter fully devoted to phone sex. Jah remembers going through that book a couple of times
21:03 – A lawyer for the Swedish hip-hop artist who killed a pedestrian in Hollywood (Episode 143, 28:50) has invoked the movie Crash in court to ask for a reduction of his client’s $1 million bail. He says “The fatal encounter in a Hollywood crosswalk is a prime example of the Academy Award-winning film’s thesis that random interactions of diverse people in a city as frenetic as Los Angeles can lead to disastrous consequences.”
24:43 – One out of every 100 Americans is currently being stalked. Definition of stalk: Two separate occasions by the same person of unwanted contact more than once in a week
30:38 – Chrysler is going to stop producing the PT Cruiser this summer. Seth is angered by this because sometimes all he wants to do is go in his PT Cruiser, get a frozen yogurt, pick up a Laserdisc and go home. Jah: “I loved Laserdiscs. I was so down with them.”
32:26 – A 13-year-old girl in California named Reina Hardesty got a 440-page statement from AT&T this month detailing the 14,528 text messages she had sent last month – on average 484 texts a day. Her father pays $30 a month for unlimited texting in her cellular plan
35:44 – Tuesday’s presidential inaugural celebration for Barack Obama from the Lincoln Memorial will be presented exclusively by HBO. The celebration will feature musical acts Bono, Garth Brooks, Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, James Taylor and Stevie Wonder. The evening will also include readings of historical passages by Jamie Foxx
38:36 – A lottery in Anchorage, Alaska, that has been designed to benefit the state’s sex abuse victims, reached $500,000. It was won this week by a 3-time sex offender
50:01 – Researchers at Wake Forest University have authored a report in Chest – the Journal of American College of Chest Physicians. The report says that parents of children under age 2 should not use Vicks Vapor Rub on their sniffling, coughing, sick children. Use of the product on kids that young was found to increase mucus production and inflammation. Studies found no health benefits for people of any age
52:23 – The old Coke slogan was “The Coke Side of Life,” but the new Coke slogan is “Open Happiness.” Jah also can’t believe Pepsi jacked the Obama logo (Episode 139, 41:32)
53:23 – A married Marine gunnery sergeant was sentenced to 90 days in the brig after pleading guilty to committing adultery. Stephen Kuehler, 30, had recruited 19-year-old Pfc. Michael Patton. He attended Patton’s funeral in Missouri and then slept with his widow while he was there. Pfc. Patton was killed by a roadside bomb
8:32 – Jah reads this current event with the Batman voice: The tough economic times have brought an increase in something we’re calling cash stashers – people who hoard their money at their home instead of using a bank. Companies that sell diversion safes are reporting huge jumps in sales (Jah’s Batman voice fades out with a cough)
14:07 – After 110 years, the HJ Heinz Co. will replace the tiny green pickle that has appeared on the front of their ketchup bottles with a large vine-ripened tomato.
15:18 – Gatorade has also changed its name and logo to “G,” then there’s “G2.”
17:11 – A new study by psychologists at the University of Michigan says that living in urban environments impairs our basic mental processes. The brain is a limited machine and the overwhelming incessant stimuli of the city exhausts the brain and puts a strain on memory, concentration and calmness
22:36 – A police chief at Colorado State University has been relieved of his duties on the campus over allegations of corruption and violence. He’s a 38-year-old grad student. Sheriff’s deputies began recording Dexter Yarbrough’s lectures and off-color remarks, including “women want the dick, even when they say they don’t want the dick.”
29:39 – According to Logo Network, January is the first-ever Drag History Month.
31:05 – Police across the country are reporting the number of stolen cars in the past few months has dropped dramatically. In these tough economic times, it seems people don’t even have enough money to buy a stolen cars
45:44 – The Sixth Annual Lingerie Bowl is scheduled for halfime of Super Bowl XLIII, Sunday, Feb. 1, 2009 – if it even takes place. The hometown Tampa Breeze are embroiled in contract disputes. They are upset that the game is being played at a local nudist resort. Regardless, the inaugural season of the LBFL will kick off at the Sears Center in Chicago on Sept. 4, 2009. There are 10 teams in the league: Tampa Breeze, Seattle Mist, Dallas Desire, Miami Caliente, Chicago Bliss, San Diego Seduction, Atlanta Steam, New England Euphoria, Phoenix Scorch and the LA Temptation
48:14 – Kelli McCarty, 39, a former Miss Kansas and Miss USA 1991, starred on the soap opera Passions for seven years. She will make her XXX debut in a movie called Faithless: From Beauty Queen to Porn Queen, available Feb. 4, 2009. Her quote: “I enjoy acting and I really like sex. This was the perfect opportunity to combine two of my passions.”
53:28 – The first video game sports character to break the color barrier appeared in the Atari 800 game Basketball in 1979.
54:31 – A Michigan postal worker, Jill Hull, was discovered to have rented a storage unit to hide thousands of pieces of mail that she’s failed to deliver, including over 1,000 important first-class letters. When asked about this, she said: “I was unable to deliver all of the mail.”
56:37 – Statistics released by the U.S. Education Department say that 32 million U.S. adults cannot read. That’s 14%, or 1 in every 7 people. Seth refuses to believe this and proves that it’s wicked easy by reading the next news item:
58:29 – On Jan. 22, 1959, the Coors Brewing Co. released the nation’s very first recyclable aluminum beer can, replacing the old tin can. Seth: “It’s wicked easy. Bop-bop-bop. Spell it out.”
1:00 – Seven Jack In The Box locations in Charlotte, N.C., have tried to outsource their drive-thru order taking. A woman going through the drive-thru asked the voice, “Why do you have such a strong accent?” and the reply was “I’m in Texas.”
6:33 – New studies published in a medical journal claim that fake acupuncture needles, or acupuncture needles incorrectly inserted in places where they’re not supposed to be, work as well as proper acupuncture needles in releasing endorphins to heal the body. Seth: “I’m gonna put it in your butt and your eye, but trust me, you’re gonna release some amber, because that’s the color of your energy.”
7:43 – A 14-year-old aspiring police officer put on a uniform, walked into a Chicago police station, managed to get an assignment patrolling in a squad car for over 5 hours before he was detected. He’s a 5-foot-3 boy who’s very muscular, and he stuffed magazines under his shirt to look like a bullet-proof vest. He also knew police lingo from his obsession with police dramas. This is the third time he’s impersonated a police officer. An official claims he was discovered by missing a particular star that is part of his uniform. He did not drive a car, nor did he carry a gun or issue any tickets.
10:09 – A brand-new Harris poll lists America’s top 10 TV personalities: 10) Mark Harmon, 9) Steven Colbert (Seth: “Meshach Taylor.” – Episode 048/10:48), 8) Steve Carell, 7) Charlie Sheen, 6) John Stewart, 5) David Letterman, 4) Oprah Winfrey, 3) Ellen Degeneres, 2) House (this pisses Jah off because it’s a character, not a personality), 1) Jay Leno
25:56 – The Lingerie Bowl has been canceled, which pisses off Jah and Seth
27:30 – PETA’s ad that they were trying to get into the Super Bowl was banned. The ad had some scantily-clad women getting frisky with vegetables, saying vegetarians have better sex, while licking pumpkins, etc. Jah: “What the fuck.”
28:54 – Hackers got into the Texas Department of Transportation computer system and altered a portable roadside traffic sign in Austin to read: ZOMBIES AHEAD. RUN FOR COLD CLIMATES. THE END IS NEAR.
29:38 – A new trend for married females – mousewives. They stay at home, surf the web, and earn money by selling and reviewing items. Jah thinks the mousewife should really become a camwife and make some real money
32:41 – In these tough economic times, even the Girl Scouts are feeling the crunch. Due to the rising baking costs and rising costs of ingredients, boxes of Do-Si-Dos, Thin Mints and Tagalongs will feature fewer cookies per box. Jah likes the peanut butter ones but Seth tells him he can’t have them because now he might get salmonella. Jah tells everyone to just go to Whole Foods and then they won’t have to worry about contracting anything.
36:24 – Michael Yoe, on The Daily 10, interviewing Chris Evans: “I just did a charity event with Jessica Biel. I know you dated her. How was it dating her?” Evans looked off camera to his publicist and looked back and was like “She’s great, she’s got a great heart,” then looked back off camera like What the fuck is he asking me?
46:13 – The United States Postal Service has asked Congress about the possibility of eliminating one day of mail service – either Tuesdays or Saturdays. They lost $3 billion last year and will possibly lose $6 billion this year. Seth says that if they cut a day of his mail, he would lose his mind, because mail is something he looks forward to every day. He got a postcard today from a UYD listener.
47:23 – This week on Kanye Wests’ video blog: “I know I’ve been called the Louis Vuitton Don. I’ve changed my name to Martin Louis The King Jr. Address me as such.”
1:00:46 – Warehouses that are run by Gap, Zapos and Staples, are using autonomous robots to find, gather and deliver products from their shelves. The companies have enormous warehouses filled with their product. The robots are sent into the giant rooms, where they locate the shelving unit that contains the product, slide beneath them to pick them up, then find their own way back to human operators. They need to be recharged 5 minutes for every hour and there are over 1,000 machines now in use.
1:49 – A new research study shows that women have more nightmares than men and men dream about sex more than women
21:52 – According to research by a team at University of Pittsburgh and Harvard medical schools, the more time teenagers spend in front of the television, the more likely they will be depressed as adults
23:54 – The February issue of Archives of Pediatrics in Adolescent Medicine say teens who go out with friends are more likely to use marijuana than teens who have fewer friends
24:40 – Seth read about the woman who had the 40 kids. She’s an only child, and studies show that only children want to compensate with a grip of children. Seth told his mother to get ready because he’s going to pound them out.
25:08 – Myspace has identified and removed more than 90,000 registered sex offenders from its site in the past two years
30:03 – Consumer Reports has compiled a list of activities that Americans engage in that are dangerous. 75% of Americans still use cotton swabs. (Jah used one the other day.) 50% have no carbon monoxide detector. 61% have no bath mat in their shower
33:02 – 18-year-old gay male high school senior in Milwaukee creates a fake Facebook page as a hot teen girl named Emily, and another one named Kayla. He gets 31 dudes to send him photos of their pieces and videos of them JOing – all 15-18-year-olds. Over 300 photos collected. Emily/Kayla get in touch with the dudes and say “you gotta meet my guy friend – you either have to blow him, let him blow you or let him fuck you, or I’m going to put all these photos up everywhere.” He manages to corral 7 of these guys into this powerful plan and they get it on.
41:51 – During the Super Bowl, 80,000 viewers in Tuscon, Arizona were celebrating the late-game TD from Larry Fitzgerald, then their TVs cut to 30 seconds of porn that was telecast across the area – woman unbuttoning a dude’s pants then sticking his dick in her mouth. Comcast Cable is mortified and is offering $10 rebates to anyone who is “impacted” by the experience. The 22-year-old female in the movie’s name is Tristen Kingsley. She’s gaining popularity from this. She works exclusively for Jenna Jameson’s company. She’s from the Bay Area but she moved to SoCal for “porn and a change of pace.”
44:57 – Katie Couric interviewed Lil’ Wayne, who says “I’m a gangsta, Miss Katie.” Two minutes later in the interview they’re bowling together.
57:27 – Guy in Cleveland calls 911 and tells operators there are guys with guns watching him. 911 operator asks to stay on the phone with him, and the guy says he’s OK because he left the house, and the guy proceeds to do a drug deal while he’s on the line with 911 operators. The cops roll up and he has crack in his pockets
1:08 – A coach of a N.H. high school boys and girls swim team has been fired for some inappropriate t-shirts: ONE TREE, ONE TEAM AT A TIME (in reference to a member of the team who had crashed into a tree and went into a temporary coma); and one that read THE MASCOT IS A QUITTER (mocking a player with the last name “Mascot” who had quit the team); and he has now made a t-shirt for the girls team that reads THE WETTER, THE BETTER.
13:53 – California is set to release 57,000 inmates over the next two years because of some possible overcrowding
16:41 – This Wednesday, Koby Teeth will unveil his new line of clothing called TK Steelmen – described as “Country Sexy.” It will launch at his new bar, I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s in Las Vegas. Age demographic is between 25-54. They are covered in oilfield imagery, they contain sleeveless shirts, tight Ts, hoodies, jeans, cowboy hats, baseball hats, bandanas, belts and leather wrist straps. The line will be available at Kohl’s, Target and Wal-Mart. J-Dog wonders if he can wear only clothing made by Koby Teeth and LL Cool J. This devolves into the new name of their podcast, “Straight Talk With TK & Steelmen.”
20:30 – The price of a stamp will be rising from 42 cents to 44 cents on May 11 (Episode 012, 51:41). Seth encourages everyone to just buy $10,000 worth of Forever Stamps
22:48 – There are more reported cases of sexual assaults on the campus of UC-Davis than all other California universities combined. (Jah: “Just so you know Jogger will be playing a show at UC-Davis.”) Representatives from the school say it’s actually a very positive thing because it shows that their students are more willing and more comfortable at reporting crimes when they occur.
24:25 – Recorded message at the Kellogg’s consumer hotline this week: “If you would like to share your comments regarding our relationship with Michael Phelps, please press 1 to speak to a representative. If you’re calling about the recent peanut butter recall, please press 2 now.”
29:51 – In these tough economic times, there are things called “economic parties” or “stimulus parties,” ways of friends gathering “on the cheap.” There are “pink slip parties” where people gather together to commiserate and talk about new ways of finding jobs; and “coupon parties,” people who gather together, share coupons and savings tips with each other
36:15 – Six million people still have rabbit ears on their television in 2009. They have moved up the digital conversion day from this Tuesday because people can’t pull it together. Jah thinks it’s because the government is installing monitoring chips on every TV
39:08 – MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice will be performing together Friday, Feb. 27, 2009 at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah. Seth said he wouldn’t mind going if he hadn’t already seen Hammer and Ice perform in 1990 at the Worcester Centrum.
43:12 – Downtoearth.com is geared to those new to web-based dating services. You get to rate the truthfulness of photos and profiles. These are people who are “real.” Seth wants to know what the “25 Random Things About Me” thing on Facebook is that Jah keeps getting sent from listeners.
45:09 – Board games are also making a huge comeback because they're cheap, easy, safe entertainment. Seth is an only child so he’s never played a board game in his life. Jah can only recommend one: Balderdash.
48:10 – Seth read about people who carpooled to D.C. for inauguration parties and stayed with other people in dorms because hotels were all sold out
56:43 – The Center for Disease Control has issued a study on teen smokers – 52% prefer Marlboros, while 21% prefer Newports. However, 75% of black teens prefer Newports and 13% prefer Camels.
59:48 – Members of PETA dressed up like KKK members and stood outside of Madison Square Garden in New York, the site of the Westminster Dog Show. They held signs and shouted at onlookers that the American Kennel Club is trying to create a “master race of purebred dogs” and that purebred dogs are just “pure bloodlines being manipulated for world domination.”
1:02:56 – Coca-Cola will drop the word “Classic” from its Coke product. Classic was added in 1985 with the introduction of New Coke, which was discontinued in 2004.
0:48 – To celebrate Black History Month, Albright College in Reading, Pa. has put signs over different drinking fountains that read WHITE and COLORED ONLY to signify how far we’ve come, and it’s causing some disruption
2:56 – In these tough economic times, many people are going back to dial-up internet and canceling cable internet and DSL.
3:59 – Seth reads about a woman in the LA Times who bought a digital cable converter box but is having some trouble hooking it up to her 17-inch Toshiba
12:38 – After an 8-year hiatus, the original members of Limp Bizkit are reuniting for a tour and album. Jah does not believe him and thinks Seth is making this up.
14:43 – Jah references the woman who faked her own death and showed up at the funeral (Episode 151, 12:14), which relates to the story he read this week: A man is in jail facing extradition for this crime he had committed, and he explains that they’ve got the wrong guy and they’re mistaking him for his twin brother – the evil one. They show him his birth certificate at the trial, and he then explains that they were Siamese Twins separated at birth.
22:06 – The American Counseling Association claims there is no difference in marriage satisfaction between arranged marriages in India and couples in the U.S. who marry for love after courtship. Seth doesn’t believe that.
23:40 – Troy Brisport of Toledo Ohio was arrested this week. He took a woman against her own will, brought her to his house, handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her and stripped her of all her clothes, put a diaper on her and then read her passages from the Bible for a total of 3 days and tried unsuccessfully to suffocate her with a pillow several times. He later fell asleep and she escaped.
30:56 – Paul Davies, an acclaimed theoretical physicist and cosmologist has been traveling the country and giving lectures about a possible alien shadow life that currently lives among us
38:50 – The Georgia State Capitol is going forward with its Annual PB&J Day on March 4 despite the national recall and scare. A spokeswoman for the Georgia Peanut Production Association says “It’s about 3 hours of the most fun you can have.”
41:50 – There was a very sad passing this week of a man who has brought Seth 20 years of laughter, joy and excitement. It was an 88-year-old nuclear physicist and aerospace engineer by the name of Jack Cover – he invented the taser.
43:46 – Wired magazine had an article about odd animal mating rituals – hippos use their tails to throw their feces all over the place to convey olifactory cues about their capable reproductive help; flatworms, because they are hemaphrodites, engage in a pseudo penis jousting battle to determine the winner, and the winner gets to be the male. (UYD does the same thing before every show, which is why Guy Cunt refused to come film them anymore)
46:56 – New poll says that 1 in 5 teens has sent a nude or partially clothed image of themselves to someone either by e-mail or mobile phone. 50% of 15-19-year-olds have sent sexually suggestive texts, which imply “an expectation to hook up.”
48:00 – Erykah Badu had a child with André 3000 named Seven Sirius. She also had a child with the rapper DOC, named Puma Rose Sabti. She also just had a child with rapper Jay Electronica named Mars Merkaba.
48:38 – Charlie Sheen told Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that he will name one of his twins Bob Ma Sheen.
54:59 – They have found a cure for the common cold, supposedly.
0:41 – A company in Dallas was shot down this week called wifebeaters.com, selling wife beater tanks online. They offered a discount to anyone who could actually prove they had beaten their wife or girlfriend.
5:36 – A woman is suing Yahoo! because she typed her name, Beverly Stayart, into a search engine and when she clicked on one of the pages that came up it was a porn video clip and the other one was an ad for an erectile dysfunction drug.
7:05 – Vivid Video has offered Nadya Suleman (Octomom) $1 million and a year of free health care for her numerous kids for her Vivid celebrity outfit, which has featured Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and Kelli McCarty.
12:31 – The Today show has profiled a new exercise regime called “The Jedi Workout.” You wear full cloak, light saber, and you do a lot of jumping, squatting and mock battling. It gets the heart rate up and you have a total blast at the same time.
14:00 – GenePartner.com – DNA Dating. “Love is no coincidence.” Formula matches men and women by analyzing specific genes in their DNA. It only costs $99. It tests for biological compatibility for the “ultimate result.”
15:52 – Following Myspace’s lead of removing sex offenders from its site, Facebook has done their own internal review and removed 5,585 convicted sex offenders from their active member ranks.
24:33 – A new coffeeshop has opened in Maine called the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop – no cameras, no touching, cash only. Located on the busy Route 3, the shop had 150 applicants. They are open from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. They serve coffee and donuts – nothing else. The first couple days have seen a lot of male customers casually sipping coffee and talking. 43-year-old waitress Kris Kelly said a man left her a $100 bill as a tip. 23-year-old waitress Susie Wiley says “I love it.” They also employ male waiters for good measure.
31:36 – According to the Pugh Research Center, a cross-section of Americans were polled, asking them if they would rather live in a neighborhood with more McDonald’s or more Starbucks. 43% said more McDonald’s, 35% said more Starbucks and 22% didn’t have a preference.
39:21 – Sunday, March 8 is Daylight Savings Time. UYD reminds listeners to check batteries in smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.
40:42 – The tough economic times have led to a lot of “Boomerang Children” who are in their 30s and 40s with spouses and children moving back in with mom and dad.
43:02 – The new RNC chairman Michael Steel, a black man, said the Republican party needs a makeover to let people know they’re hip as well. He said the new campaign was going to be “off the hook.” They want to bring hip-hop to Republican party principles.
44:46 – The mayor of Los Alamitos, Calif., is responding to criticism for an e-mail he sent from his personal account to local politicians and civic leaders and business owners. Dean Grose sent an e-mail that depicts the White House lawn covered with planted watermelons. Under the title it said NO EASTER EGG HUNT THIS YEAR. Grose confirmed the e-mail to the Associated Press but said he didn’t mean to offend anyone, particularly blacks, and was unaware of the stereotype that black people like watermelons.
48:14 – A 15-year-old boy and a 13-year-old girl had sex this week in Arkansas, which is a little young (but not for Jah). They did it in front of the 15-year-old’s buddy as he videotaped it, and they’ve been showing it to everyone on their cell phone.
52:14 – 48-year-old Slade Fierro makes his living as a real doll doctor who fixes them up and cleans them.
53:41 – A revolution has hit the cereal aisle. The Kellogg company is announcing a 6-month trial test in Detroit of new cereal boxes that are shorter and deeper than the traditional boxes we are all used to. It is the most significant innovation in cereal boxes since the 1950s. The tall and thin boxes don’t fit well in new kitchen cupboards.
57:35 – Finally getting to the news item he started at the 2:12 mark, Gwyneth Paltrow is responding to some negative backlash to her new lifestyle blog called “Goop.” The slogan is “Nourish the inner aspect.” She said, “I have had a lot of really useful information I was privileged enough to get because I have this amazing, super fortunate life. My friends call me all the time to say ‘Where should I go? What should I do?’”
1:02:30 – Seth talks about a dude who was on Oprah who claimed he was at a concentration camp in the Holocaust who was kept alive by a girl who brought him an apple and ended up going on a date with her 30 years later, wrote a book about the account and then it turned out he was lying the whole time.
5:01 – Jah says this show is dedicated to Scarlett Pomers, who once played the youngest daughter on Reba, but they know her from the show America’s Most Talented Kid, because she was a kid judge on it along with Bobby J. Thompson and Daryl Sabara. Pomers took a leave of absence from the WB Network series to check into a clinic for anorexia.
8:06 – Postage stamps go up on Sunday to 39 cents (Episode 012, 51:41).
8:35 – Country artist Chris Cagle had a kid with his Hooters girlfriend, then quit drinking and realized it wasn’t his kid.
14:01 – A 14-year-old kid got one of those cams for his computer and all of a sudden a man offers him $50 and a Paypal account for him to take his shirt off for 3 minutes. Four years later he’s $400,000 in because he’s fully wacking off with his mom in the other room. He has 1,500 dudes around the country paying him, one of whom has paid to put him up in a condo, where he spends the whole day doing dudes for money. An undercover New York Times reporter paid to fly him out to Vegas to “fuck” him, then confronted him about it.
15:48 – President Bush’s New Year’s resolution: “To work tirelessly toward peace and prosperity.”
22:06 – Seth talks about the Fiesta Bowl dilemma of 2006 (Notre Dame vs. Ohio State), during which Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn’s sister (who was engaged to Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk) was wearing a split jersey with half Notre Dame colors and half Ohio State colors
24:10 – Spain doesn’t allow any more indoor smoking. Greece smokes more than any other European country.
24:41 – Hurricane Katrina has displaced 2,000 sex offenders from Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi.
30:52 – Baby Boomers are buying Honda Elements and Toyota Scions, which Jonathan finds absolutely inexcusable. He test drove a Scion and was sucked in by the DJ-like culture they had when they first came out.
31:32 – Former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett was arrested for robbing two people at gunpoint in an alley in Columbus, Ohio.
32:18 – Molly Weeks has invented a mixture of ballet, Pilates and yoga for the core called “Ballecore”
32:57 – CVC Fantasy Baseball is suing MLB because MLB is claiming they own the intellectual rights to statistics. CVC is arguing that they are historical and public record once the games are over.
34:28 – Thousands of inmates in Kenya skipped lunch to send food to countrymen affected by drought. Most of Kenya’s 50,000 prisoners gave up their rations of beans and corn porridge on the day that their president declared a natural disaster and said about 2.5 million Kenyans would need famine relief in the next 6 months.
35:39 – FDA requires foods to list their trans fats on their food labels starting in 2006.
36:15 – Patrick Swayze has been experimenting with rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.
39:55 – The city of Los Angeles spent more than $88,000 on bottled water for themselves, despite pleading with the residents that the water is OK to drink.
49:01 – Jah reads off some headlines from papers on Jan. 4, 2006 that reported that the 12 miners who died in the Sago, W.V., mine accident were really alive. It was blamed on someone who was in the mine who claimed they were alive, then it got passed on to some woman at the top who relayed it to Anderson Cooper.
51:58 – NFL has canceled Levitra as a sponsor
54:10 – A Frontier Airlines passenger in San Jose who had a notebook with the words SUICIDE BOMBER on it was taken into custody on Wednesday and questioned for several hours before being released to his family.
1:00:14 – A roof in Germany was covered in too much snow and collapsed and killed 15 people.
1:00:57 – Former boxing champion Tommy Hearns was accused of striking his 13-year-old son during an argument
1:01:58 – Father and stepmother left their 5- and 9-year-old boys home alone and went to Las Vegas to have a throwdown party on New Year’s Eve. The 5-year-old was autistic and could be heard by neighbors yelling “Help me!”
1:08:30 – A 41-year-old teacher at the Buttonwillow School in California had sex with a 12-year-old
1:13:53 – Female passengers in Tokyo have requested to have separate subway cars because of the presence of chikan, as the molestors are known in Japan. In America it’s called frottage (Episode 113, 24:42).
1:15:17 – In a jealous rage, Marlon Brando Gill demanded to see his ex-girlfriend’s cell phone, and when she resisted he went berserk in a car in a Missouri parking lot. He used his hands to force open her mouth and jammed the Motorola cell phone down her throat (Episode 003, 6:58). Doctors performed a tracheotomy to save her life. Gill claimed she tried to swallow it on her own.
1:24:40 – A couple is on their honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean cruise, and blood stains are found on the balcony of their cabin all the way to the lifeboats. The wife woke up shitrocked at 4 a.m. on the other end of the boat. They put her in a wheelchair, which is protocol, and the husband is missing.
3:46 – The Iranian president claims there was no Holocaust, Israel should be wiped off the map and in a UN summit in 2005, came back to Iran and told his aides that during 28 minutes of the summit a glow of light surrounded him and all the world’s leaders did not blink. Right after that he went golfing with Kim Jong Il and had nine hole-in-ones.
5:34 – Luther from 2 Live Crew is suing 50 Cent over “In Da Club”
6:43 – The Winchester Gun Factory in Connecticut is slated to shut down. The company has been hurt by slumping firearm sales. About 19,000 people worked in the plant during World War II, and now there are less than 200.
7:49 – February 1, German police officers have been banned from sporting ponytails, stubbly beards and earrings in order to tidy up their appearance for the World Cup this summer. Seth thinks you can’t say “German police” without saying “beards or ponytails.”
8:37 – Vermont judge gives man 60 days in jail for cursing at her – the same sentence a rapist in Vermont got last week for raping a girl from the time she was 6 to age 10.
9:27 – A boy who asked to be set on fire has been hospitalized. A 13-year-old from Orange was hospitalized and his 15-year-old friend was arrested on suspicion of assault after the older teen complied with the friend’s request to be set on fire. The incident occurred about 8:30 a.m. Saturday at the victim’s home on Bourbon St. Witnesses say the 13-year-old doused his shirt with cologne and asked his friend to squirt him with lighter fluid and ignite the shirt. The boy was reported critical but stable condition at UCI.
10:40 – A 23-year-old kindergarten teacher at Westwood Charter Elementary School was stabbed to death Wednesday morning shortly after she called police to say her former boyfriend was at the door of the West Chester home she shared with her parents. Before she hung up she told police that her 24-year-old boyfriend was breaking in and she was going to hide. He came in, armed himself with a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her. Afterward he went outside, doused himself in a flammable liquid and lit himself on fire in his car. The girl had found out he had a girlfriend on the side, the 2 girls found out he was lying to both of them and they agreed to not see him again, so this was his retribution.
13:17 – Conan O’Brien looks like Finland’s first female president. His show and the president figured this out, and she mentioned it in one of her campaign ads because of his popularity over there.
14:07 – William Shatner sold his kidney stone for $20,000, and donated the money to Habitat for Humanity.
14:54 – Terry O’Neal, Steelers fan, had a heart attack when Jerome Bettis fumbled the ball in the Colts game. When he came out of the heart attack, the first thing out of his mouth was “Did we win?”
15:59 – A face transplant patient, the world’s first successful one (in France), has resumed smoking. Her face was missing because a dog ate off her face. She was unable to speak or eat. The doctors said it could interfere with her healing and raise the risk of tissue rejection. The French woman’s surgeons made their first scientific presentation on the partial face transplant, performed on Nov. 27 at a medical conference in Tuscon.
20:28 – The apparent suicide of a 38-year-old Japanese venture capitalist has added a sinister aura to the investigation into the dealings of the Takafumi Hori. The brash internet entrepreneur at the center of the drama has roiled stock markets. The body of Hideki Naguchi, a former executive with Hori’s multi-billion dollar live door company online media services empire was discovered Wednesday night at a business hotel in Okinawa. Sources say he slashed his wrists.
21:30 – A mechanic was sucked into a jet engine and killed while passengers were boarding a plane, officials in El Paso said. The National Safety Transporation Board spokesman said she didn’t know if anyone saw the accident, which occurred on a Boeing 757 operated by Continental. Because of an earlier problem with the engine, its metal covering was opening at the time. 114 passengers and 5 crew members were boarding at the time.
22:10 – JT LeRoy, a 25-year-old transsexual novelist whose mother pimped him as a cross-dressed child prostitute and got his first book deal at 17, does not exist. It was really Laura Albert, 40-year-old writer, mom and former phone sex technician
28:17 – 2 million gallons of untreated sewage spewed out of manhole covers in some residential pipes Sunday in Manhattan Beach. Dried bits of toilet paper and black scum, a plume of foul debris smelling like rudebaga appeared on the streets.
30:00 – A woman was accused of poisoning her husband and son by lacing their milkshakes with prescription drugs.
30:41 – In Japan, scientists have put a hamster in a cage with a snake for food, but the snake decided not to eat it. Instead they’re living together and fucking. The hamster lays on the snake and sleeps.
31:48 – A fan of the Cleveland Browns during a regular season game ran out on the field and got bodyslammed by Steelers linebacker Joey Porter. The judge could’ve jailed him for up to 30 days but only jailed him for 3 days – Feb. 3-5, with the Super Bowl being on the 5th. He’s not allowed to watch it, listen to it, etc.
1:16 – Google’s original name was Backrub. Just as UYD has changed names (previously Jesus & John), other great institutions have done the same
7:15 – A new study says that people who drink more than 7 cups of coffee a day are more likely to see ghosts. Jah thinks he might drink the equivalency of that each day, and he’s maybe seen a few ghosts.
7:59 – An administrative assistant at a church rectory in Arlington, Wash., was charged with stealing $73,000 from the church. When asked about this, she said Satan had a big part in the theft.
9:26 – Red states buy and view more online pornography than blue states do. Eight of the top 10 states that buy and view more online porn all voted for John McCain for president. Utah is #1 for their porn consumption and 60% of the state is allegedly devout Mormon.
11:12 – Earth Class Mail is a new all-digital mail service. You pick a PO Box wherever, pay a monthly fee, and this company will open all of your mail, scan and upload all of them to a computer. The client can then check their mail and click on boxes and tell the company, shred this one, recycle this one, forward this one to me in person, etc. Packages can be sent to the person’s home or PO Box or picked up at the nearest Earth Class Mail center. It starts at $11.95 a month for 50 pages of mail. Seth is uneasy about this, he doesn’t want somebody reading his love letters.
19:53 – Monsters and Aliens is a 3D movie coming out this week. Nine more movies are coming out this year. Jah doesn’t care about the 3D movies unless they make them where you don’t have to wear the goofy 3D glasses to view the movie.
21:24 – Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16), a no-frills airline, will charge you an extra fee unless you buy your ticket in person at a Spirit Airline counter at the airport.
26:03 – In Staten Island, the Community Education Council Member Salvatore Ballarino, is in hot water over an e-mail he sent to members of the council. It contained images of Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, and said, Q: Why are these two guys always smiling? A: Because they don’t know they’re black. To this he responded, “If they’re upset about something, it’s their own inner-workings. I have black people who are my friends. I have black people who sit at dinner tables with me.”
29:38 – First-year Girl Scout Wild Freeborn, 8 years old, set out to sell 12,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies so she could take her entire troup to a summer camp. She enlisted the help of her father, a web designer, and made a YouTube video of her doing a pitch, put an online order form up and got a gang of requests for cookies. A local father, a former Scout dad, alerted the troup and said it was an unfair advantage, so the troup made her take it down. Seth notes that one of the Girl Scout merit badges requires a girl to visit three websites.
37:01 – Porn.com is the second-most expensive .com name, at $9.5 million. The number one, for $9.9, is www.fund.com - mutual funds and investment portfolios. Others in the top 10: 10) Cameras.com, 9) Datarecovery.com, 8) Seniors.com, 7) Computers.com, 6) Creditcards.com, 5) Vodka.com, 4) Toys.com, 3) Diamonds.com.
40:30 – Chicago police said the 14-year-old boy who posed as a police officer in January actually did spend 2 hours behind the wheel of the squad car. Previously they had said he hadn’t driven. (Episode 152, 7:43). He also entered the police station through an unlocked back door. They admitted that in his 5 hours in uniform, he used the terminal dispatch in the patrol car, he responded to five different assignments and helped in the arrest of a suspect who violated a protection order.
42:35 – Apple released 3.0 software for its iPhone which will let you copy and paste, send and receive MMS and turn the phone sideways to view the landscape.
44:22 – Neighbors of Bob Dylan, who has a sprawling ocean-view estate in Point Dume Malibu, have contended that the nighttime sea breezes have sent an obnoxious odor across all of their properties, which has stemmed from a portable toilet that sits on Dylan’s property. For more than six months Dylan has ignored all the complaints of his neighbors to remove the outhouse. It has sickened family members and forced some to install industrial fans to block the odor.
45:30 – According to the website OddJobNation.com, there was a job called “Balloon Popper” that pays $50 per hour. There are a large group of people with the sexual fetish of watching videos of fully-clothed men popping balloons by sitting on them.
46:44 – Three different companies currently available and in business online called Death Switch, Slightly Morbid and Legacy Locker – created for gamers in the unlikely event that they pass away. You pay a monthly fee, and if you die, they will contact all your fellow gamers and notify administrators to let them know that you’ve died and not just quit the game.
51:33 – Smith & Wesson gun company is recalling a couple guns they sold from 2002-2009. Apparently the affected pistols were discovered to discharge ammunition without the trigger being pulled.
52:39 – 42-year-old Daniel Doster was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., masturbating at his mailbox on his front lawn. When arrested he said he was “letting my neighbors know who’s boss.”
0:40 – In anticipation of the new Star Trek movie coming out May 8, there are Star Trek photo booths, theme night dance parties where Orion girls will dress up in green bikinis, etc.
4:56 – Some more interesting college courses are available: At UC-Berkeley, you can take a class where you argue the logic of Judge Judy; at Wisconsin, they have “Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles”, dissecting soap operas; at UC-Irvine, “The Science of Superheroes”; at Columbia College in Chicago, “Zombies In Popular Media;” and at Center College in Kentucky, “Myth and Science Fiction,” where they analyze Star Wars, Matrix and Lord of the Rings
7:01 – Brad and Angelina might adopt a child from India. They already have 6 kids – Maddox from Cambodia, Zahara from Vietnam, Shiloh from Namibia, Pax from Vietnam, and 9-month twins born in France, Knox and Vivienne.
9:16 – A judge in Illinois has ruled that it is OK and protected under our free speech laws for a 58-year-old man to go up to parents and kids in local parks outside of Chicago and ask if he can tickle their children. Charles Douglas loves to do his “tickle monster” routine, and now he has precedent to do it full-bore.
11:44 – An 88-year-old man lost control of his luxury Jaguar sedan on Sunday afternoon in Redondo Beach, Calif., and drove it through a crowded restaurant. There were bodies strewn about the room, and it left the man shocked and confused. Police did not cite the man.
14:08 – The average age of Facebook users is slowly rising. Women over 55 are the fastest-growing demographic, and over the past two months members over the age of 35 has doubled.
19:05 – Two new talk shows are coming out: The George Lopez Show on TBS and The Wanda Sykes Show on FOX.
21:59 – An elementary school in L.A. took a field trip to the Port of Long Beach where they chartered a boat for the 20 kids to go on their first fishing trip. One of the crew members, 54-year-old Jeff Twattle, was trying to make the students laugh by putting his bait fish in his mouth. He accidentally swallowed the fish and choked to death in front of them.
23:23 – Question posed on the physicscentral.org website, “How long would you have to yell at a cup of coffee to heat it up?” Jah guesses 20 minutes, but it would take a year and a half.
29:26 – According to market research group Experion, 43% of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss. 38% are using hair styling products. 12% use adult cosmetics.
34:26 – New Line Cinema is going to make an NWA video called Straight Outta Compton, produced by Ice Cube and Dr. Dre.
35:40 – Seth talks about Michael Jackson and his kids. In 1997 he married Deborah Rowe, and they had two kids: Michael Jackson Jr. (Prince), 12, and Paris Michael Catherine Jackson, 11. They divorced a couple years later and she gave him custody of the kids. In 2002, he had Prince Michael Jackson II (Blanket), born to a surrogate mom through artificial insemination using Jacko’s sperm. The identity of the mother has never been detailed.
40:00 – Jay Leno is doing two free shows outside of Detroit for the homeless and jobless.
41:33 – US Conference of Catholic Bishops has warned Roman Catholics to shun the Eastern healing art of reiki because it lacks scientific credibility and is especially dangerous because the theory of rebalancing a universal life energy operates in the realm of superstition, and any and all healing should be given by the divine power of prayer to Christ the Lord and Savior.
43:24 – There’s been a rash of bitings at high schools across the country because of the enormous success of the movie Twilight.
44:52 – Nearly 10,000 O’Neill children’s sweatshirts made in China have been recalled because the drawstrings have the tendency to tighten up and strangle children
47:02 – There was a Save Darfur benefit concert last week in Atlanta. Tickets were $35. The band? Collective Soul.
49:30 – Veterans Affair spokesperson Katie Roberts announced this week that VA hospitals across the country might have exposed veterans to several infectious diseases by government clinics that performed colonoscopies with equipment that wasn’t properly sterilized.
50:14 – Lindsey Lohan has a line of self tanner called Sevin Nyne Tanning Mist that comes out Wednesday, April 15. It’s a play on her favorite numbers.
51:00 – CBS Morning Show had a boy named Liam Hoekstra, 3, from Michigan. “Super Kid.” He has a rare condition called Myostatin-Related Muscle Hypertrophy which gives him extreme muscularity. He’s ripped.
52:22 – April 15 is the 17th birthday of Richard Sandrak, Little Hercules
0:38 – A federal judge has ordered the USDA to allow 17-year-olds to buy the emergency contraceptive pill, Plan B, aka the “Morning-After Pill.”
1:12 – Steven Talliver, the 49-year-old homeless man who forced his way into Jamie Foxx’s hotel room in Philadelphia, has been declared incompetent to stand trial after being deemed by a psychiatrist to be “actively psychotic.”
2:47 – The Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles turned down a request from a 36-year-old vegan mother to display her total love of all things tofu on her new license plate. Kelly Kaufmann-Lee submitted the license plate ILVTOFU, but the plate request was denied in fear that the letters will be misconstrued to “I Love To F U.”
7:11 – In a Gallup poll, 76% of respondents say they still bend down to pick a penny up off the sidewalk if they see it. Jah says you should only pick up coins that are head’s-up
8:52 – PETA has sent a letter to the musical group, The Pet Shop Boys, asking them to change their name to The Rescue Shelter Boys, in hopes of discouraging people from getting their pets from pet stores.
14:57 – According to TotalBeauty.com, the top 5 cities with the worst hair in the country are: 5) Phoenix, Ariz., 4) Las Vegas, Nev., 3) Pittsburgh, Pa., 2) Olympia, Wash., and 1) Corpus Christi, TX.
17:38 – The U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention tested several different powdered baby formulas on the market and found that they contain trace amounts of a toxic chemical found in rocket fuel.
20:29 – According to a recent study, 44% of teenage boys have seen at least one nude photo of a female classmate, either on a social networking site or on their cell phone
35:43 – The May/June 2009 issue of Where To Retire magazine says that retiring in North Carolina is the way to go
41:41 – Two restaurants in New York have come under fire from community activists for their name. One place in Brooklyn is called Obama Fried Chicken and another place in Harlem is called Obama Fried Chicken and Pizza
46:48 – A paper in the American Journal of Human Genetics says researchers at the University of Iowa may have developed a birth control pill for men. The pill would slow down male sperm to a rate that would not allow it to forcefully penetrate an egg
58:35 – According to CareerBuilder.com, 1 in 5 workers are late to work at least once a week. Several hiring managers offered some excuses they’ve heard at the workplace: My heat was shut off so I had to stay home and keep my snake warm; my husband thinks it’s funny to hide my car keys before I go to work every day; I was locked in my trunk by my son; I always just feel like I’m in everyone’s way when I show up on time; my left turn signal is broken so I had to make right turns to get to work; my driveway washed away in the rain; I walked into a spiderweb and I couldn’t find the spider so I had to walk back in and shower.
1:00:37 – More details about the National Science Foundation’s pornography problem have come out. Several high-ranking employees at the agency were found to be spending up to 20% of their workdays looking at porn. One of the officials had spent over $40,000 on a credit card on pornography. He also sent an e-mail that said, I am trying to learn how to use the cam-to-cam capability on your Asianbabes.com site. I don’t seem to be able to do that.
3:22 – Carlie Christine, 20, was fired as cheerleading coach in at Casa Robles HS in Orangevale, Calif., after cheerleaders who had been cut from the team due to many unexcused absences alerted the school and the principal that Carlie had posed nude for Playboy.com and was featured as their “Cyber Girl of the Week” during the second week of February.
8:18 – Two 11-year-old fifth-grade boys were taken into custody in Salt Lake City. They typed the word “Lesbian” into a search engine at the school library and were able to pull up pictures that somehow were not blocked by the school’s internet filter. They showed the photos to nine other boys and they have been charged with dealing material harmful to a minor.
14:18 – According to a new public health study, 8,550 American preschoolers (20% of 4-year-olds) were classified as obese
16:07 – The California Franchise Tax Board claims that Sinbad, listed as Sinbad Adkins of Oak Park, Ill., owes the state $2.5 million in taxes dating back to 2001.
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
44:30 – This e-mail was accidentally sent out to 28,000 students who were not accepted to UCSD: We’re thrilled you’ve been admitted to UC-San Diego and we’re showcasing our beautiful campus on Admit Day.
48:22 – In these tough economic times, the beginning of 2009 has seen an increase in both condoms and female contraceptives because people are staying at home and boning down.
49:52 – At Univ-Con, a paranormal conference that happens every year, Christopher Moon, the senior editor of a magazine called Haunted Times, was conducting at $90 apiece, telephone conversations to the dead. Frank’s Box, named after its inventor Frank Sumption, “consists of a random voltage generator which is used to tune an AM receiver. The AM receiver module gives off the raw audio and it is amplified and fed into an echo chamber, where ‘spirits’ manipulate it to form their voices. A spirit technician is then employed to decipher the various noises and fragments that are barely coherent and audible. He/she decodes this and speaks the words of the dead person you’ve contacted.”
0:35 – Econocide is the term for suicide due to people being deeply affected by the tough economic times
6:59 – Gospel mime is red hot. It’s taking traditional mime and traditional gospel and fusing them together to create a new genre of religious experience.
13:49 – A design team from NC State University has spent 3 years up till now designing a hospital gown that would not leave the buttocks exposed. They hope to have the product available to market in about 2 years.
14:37 – R&D Kitchen – Houston’s lab restaurants. They use a note system where it’s team waiting – everyone is your waiter. They write down the last thing they’ve done and the other waiters update it. There are communal bathrooms with 12 sinks at jaunty angles and 12 stalls. Jah went in at the same time as a girl and they were looking at each other as they washed off.
23:38 – Prince is putting out a coffee table book called “21 Nights: The Prince Opus.” There are only 950 available. The limited edition book is 280 pages of lyrics, poetry and photographs printed on superior silk-grade paper. It’s leather bound in a purple velvet box and will sell for just under $2,500. It comes with an engraved iPod with his live album Indigo on it, a 40-minute documentary. One lucky buyer will win a ticket to California for a free private show.
30:31 – A new report just published in the American Journal of Sports Medicine says that break dancers suffer a high rate of injury and may fail to give themselves proper time to heal before dancing again.
32:17 – A 17-year-old in Pennsylvania is accused of pulling out his junk in the middle of high school English class and animatedly masturbating while calling out the names of the students in class.
37:04 – Agents this week raided several locations in two different counties of a Neo-Nazi organization called “The Inland Empire Skinheads.” They’re a new and violent domestic terrorist group that recruits and teens and adults on Craig’s List. Seven people were arrested. Guns and drugs were also seized. Officers found a maternity ward in one of the facilities where pregnant women were supposed to give birth on Hitler’s birthday (April 20). Two of them did.
50:37 – Ashton Kutcher (the guy from the Nikon Coolpix commercials) became the first person to amass 1 million followers on Twitter last week
1:00:20 – Remo Spencer stole 8 laptops and 7 iPods from a Wal-Mart he worked at in Great Falls, Montana, then posted the items for sale on the employee bulletin board in the store breakroom.
1:57 – According to the National Catholic Reporter, the founder of a religious order that treats Roman Catholic priests who molest children concluded in the 1950s that the sex offenders were highly unlikely to change, and should not be returned to any ministry. The Rev. Gerald Fitzgerald, founder of the Servants of the Paracles, was so sure of the priests’ inability to control themselves that he tried to buy an island and isolate them from any children.
3:12 – William Fell, 61, worked for the Alexandria Department of Transportation for 17 years. According to police, Fell spent the last year going to work at 3 a.m., well before his shift began, emptying all the coin canisters from the parking meters all over the city. He would fill up personal bags with nickels, dimes and quarters and at his house he had roughly $177,000 stashed.
8:23 – Lilith Fair is coming back in 2010.
9:57 – Article in Newsweek tells of two unmarried single parents who met on Second Life. They’re basically married to each other even though they’re geographically separated. They wear headphones to bed so they can hear each other breathing through Skype.
19:02 – Tupac Shakur was seen at a bar in New Orleans drinking. TMZ has photos of it.
20:51 – Overland Park, Kan. – doorbell rings, Kim Mertin opens the door and there’s a U.S. Census worker on her porch with a clipboard. He asks how many people live there, he comments on her blouse, and asks her if she wants a backrub. He asks her if she was wearing pink panties, and she calls the police and tells them he was playing with himself while standing on the porch. It turns out he really was a census worker.
22:15 – Creed is getting back together. Jah recalls Scott Stapp getting involved with a prostitute scandal with Kid Rock (Episode 003, 44:37). Stapp calls the reunion a “rebirth.” Jah says he’ll go to it.
25:06 – Desperate for new revenue streams, auctioneers in several states have begun auctioning off grocery store items, unloading either too-dented or too-close-to-their-expiration-date foods to be sold in stores.
27:44 – A study presented at the annual meeting of experimental biology last week in New Orleans done by researchers at Baylor College of Medicine took 108 students ages 13-16. They gave half the students sugar-free gum to chew, and the other half no gum. The students who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math scores. They also seemed to require fewer breaks, could sustain attention longer and remained quieter. The study was sponsored and paid for by the Wrigley Science Institute.
29:08 – 155,000 Philips Senseo Coffeemakers, made in China and sold nationwide, have been recalled because they have faulty electrical systems and they cause a calcium buildup from the water and burst open and splash hot coffee in your face.
30:31 – This Tuesday, make it a girls’ night in with Bride Wars.
30:53 – Seth has an obituary for Chuck Dimmick, 50, of Arizona. He was the director of marketing for Lund Cadillac Group. He passed away suddenly while attending a NASCAR race to watch his favorite driver, Jeff Gordon. In the obit: “We are sure he would still want you to know that 0.9% financing is still available on all new 2008 Hummer H2s.”
31:45 – Another interesting obit: Jack Lorkie, 85, just passed away. He went to WW2 at age 19. On four different occasions, soldiers died on both sides of him. When he got discharged they called him “Lucky.” He was waiting to get on the military plane to come back to the U.S., gets bumped off for a senior military official and then the plane crashes and kills everyone on board. He goes to a minor league baseball team, they’re on the road eating lunch and he gets a call saying he got called up and needs to catch a ride back to Spokane, Wash., for the game. He says goodbye to the team, hitchhikes and takes a bus there, then the bus crashes and kills everyone after he gets off.
33:52 – The guy who designed the Twitter bird logo got paid $6. It was chosen using a term Wired magazine called “crowdsourcing,” a casting call for graphic designers to create a logo. The woman who designed the Nike swoosh got paid $35.
35:06 – The Department of Transportation in Delaware is under fire for a diversity spotlight newsletter they let out to 2,600 workers. A section was called “The N-Word” but spelled it out and said it was never good to use the word. In another section titled “Comments You Would Never Want to Make to a Co-Worker,” in reference to LGBTs it said, “Hey, (homophobic slur), have you ever thought about getting help?” To Asian co-workers, “You must be the new I.T. guy.” To other African American co-workers, “Should we order fried chicken and watermelon for you?” To elderly co-workers, “You know Wal-mart is hiring.” To Hispanic and Latino co-workers, “Could you help me with my landscaping?” A spokesman for the DDOT said, “Is it in-your-face? Absolutely. It’s bold. Yeah it is.”
39:45 – There was a recall of HydroxyCut
40:25 – Ed Hardy has released a line of wine. Jah says he’s released a line of life. He has teamed up with a dentist to do toothbrushes, dental floss and mouthwash.
41:56 – The American Association of Wine Economists held a blind taste test with 18 volunteers. Five foods were sampled – duck liver mousse, pork liver paté, pureed liverwurst, Spam and Newman’s Own Dog Food. Only 3 people identified the dog food. Four people thought the Spam was dog food.
43:29 – Environmental Protection Agency, with the help from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), held the first National Bed Bug Summit to address the alarming increase of bed bug infestation. Entymologists from the University of Kentucky said, “In my opinion, we’re not going to get out of this thing until we allow the pest control industry to go to war.”
45:01 – A school bus driver in Charleston, W.V., is in trouble for allowing a man to board the bus in the parking lot of the school and hit a 14-year-old who was on it. 25-year-old Joshua Sean Beaver claims that a group of students were flashing him the middle finger in traffic in a residential area. He followed them 15 minutes, gets on the bus, points at one student, walks to the back, knocking kids out of the way, hits the kid in the back of the head and says “Remember my name now. It’s Josh Beaver.”
46:48 – Now that John Madden retired, what is Frank Caliendo going to do?
47:42 – A woman named Lorane Wasserman owns a fragrance business in Torrance called Escential Resources. She provides scents for companies and attractions, such as Fear Fest, The Halls of Terror, and Extreme Fear Haunted Attractions. Some of her signature perfectly recreated scents are Raw Sewage, Stinky Cheese, Decay, Compost, Dead Rat. Her quote: “It may smell ugly, but the sweet smell of money is what counts.”
49:02 – A telephone survey conducted by the Opinion Research Group had a breakdown of responses to the question, “If your house were burning down, and you could take only one thing with you, what would it be?” 50% said photo album, 20% said money, 13% said laptops, 7% said pets, 2% said jewelry. Jah thinks the answers are bogus and wants the Wrigley Science Institute to redo the survey.
2:57 – The Washington Capitals hockey team keep a section on their website where they profile the Ice Girls cheerleaders. Sarah went to George Mason, her hobbies are spending time with family and friends, her favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean and her favorite book is Facebook.
3:51 – Seth asks Jonathan to explain to him the Coneheads. Seth says if he had to make a short list of people he finds unbearably not funny, Dan Aykroyd would make that list. Another actor who would make that list is Chevy Chase.
7:37 – According to the Journal of Animal Behavior, male monarch butterflies are such calculating inseminators that they can decide the optimal level of sperm necessary for a reproductive advantage. While injecting the fluid, the butterfly penis also acts as a kind of dipstick, checking the quantity of residual sperm already present from previous male suitors, and thus can always inject more sperm than the previous butterfly did.
9:33 – Chuck Trainer was married to Linda Lovelace of Deep Throat fame from 1971-1974, then he married Marilyn Chambers of Behind the Green Door from 1975-1985.
26:01 – The Mad Pride Movement is referenced in Newsweek – a grassroots collective of people who have been diagnosed with some sort of mental health instability, but look at the extreme mental states as “dangerous gifts” and make the conscious decision to avoid taking any medications. Seth cautions everyone to stay out of Toronto July 13-19 because it’s Mad Pride Week.
29:50 – Two dances have recently come out of Dallas, Texas – The Ricky Bobby and The Stanky Leg.
33:10 – The Better Business Bureau is warning Americans to not buy magazine subscriptions from door-to-door salesmen this summer
35:33 – Nicolas Cage likes to buy a lot of property. In 2005 he sold a house in Malibu for $10 million. He sold a waterfront home in Newport Beach, Calif., last year for $30 million. He just sold a 28-room castle in Germany last month for $2.5 million. He’s selling a private island in the Bahamas he owns for $7 million. He bought an enormous country manor overlooking the ocean in Rhode Island a couple years ago for $17 million. He has a home in a gated community in Las Vegas he’s selling. He has a tudor mansion in Bel-Air he put on the market for $30 million and he brought it down to $20 million to get rid of it. He has 2 houses in New Orleans; one is Anne Rice’s house, the most haunted house in New Orleans ($3.5 million), and he has another house in New Orleans he’s selling for $3.5 million. He still owns a home in the Bahamas, a house in San Francisco, a 4-story townhouse in Bath, England, an 18th century castle in Somerset, England, a beachfront home in Hawaii, a castle in Scotland, two apartments on Fifth Avenue in New York City and he owns a loft at the Biscuit in downtown L.A.
38:17 – Time magazine’s 100 Most Influential People broke down entertainers, thinkers, etc. They brought in Ashton Kutcher to write about another celeb: “Years from now, when historians reflect on the time we are currently living in, the names Biz Stone and Evan Williams (the founders of Twitter) will be referenced side-by-side with the likes of Samuel Morse, Alexander Graham Bell, Guglielmo Marconi, Philo Farnsworth, and Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, because the creation of Twitter is as significant as the invention of all of those things.”
42:52 – Brenda Bailey, 59, of Charleston, W.V., has won the West Virginia Lottery Instant Game five times since last September. In September 2008 she won $10,000, in January 2009 she won $6,000, in March 2009 she won $1,000, in April 2009 she won $50,000, in May 2009 she just won her biggest, $100,000.
43:58 – Jah bring up the police-impersonating guy (Episode 152, 7:43) from Chicago, and gives a little update on the 15-year-old kid: his latest escapade involved throwing a suit on, going to a car dealership in Chicago and talked to the dealer about buying a used car with cash for around $3,000. The guy showed him a 1990 Lexus, and the 15-year-old drove off with the car. Three hours later he cuts off an undercover cop, who was one of the cops who had to testify months ago why the kid was dressed up like a cop. It turned into a foot chase, and at one point a woman had her baby stroller stolen by this kid who was walking down the street pretending to be a dad and telling police “he went that way.” The kid was eventually tackled and arrested, and they couldn’t believe it was this kid.
47:02 – Sugar Ray is reuniting, and they have a new album coming out called Music for Cougars. It releases July 21, plus a summer tour.
51:04 – The University of Wisconsin – Madison will offer “therapy dogs” on campus for stressed-out students on finals week.
54:07 – According to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), there has been a high-tech shift in American culture. Accelerated by the current economic downturn, the number of U.S. households opting for only cell phones has for the first time surpassed those who just have traditional landlines. Jah wonders why the CDC is conducting this study.
54:59 – PETA is upset with Google for using a herd of goats to “mow” its lawn instead of lawnmowers at its Mountain View, Calif. headquarters. Google wanted to be green and take a low-carbon interesting approach to lawn care, but PETA is concerned the goats did not have enough water or shelter or could be upset during their transportation.
2:20 – A rent party is where people who are having trouble coming up with their rent host a party where they charge people a few bucks to come in.
3:10 – NASA is having to deal with Chinese space junk from space missions launched by the country in 2007. Pieces of debris have been going by Space Shuttle Atlantis.
5:18 – The next step in the ever-evolving work-life culture balance is work time with leisure type hybrided into it. “Weisure” allows people to dip in and go back out of their work lives.
6:59 – T-Pain and his wife Amber just had a baby boy to be named later. His older siblings are named Musiq and Lyriq.
7:38 – Top baby names from 2008 just released by the Social Security Administration. After a 12-year reign as the most popular girls’ baby name, Emily has slipped to third and has been usurped by Emma. For the 10th year in a row, the top boys’ name is Jacob. “Obama” jumped from 12,535 to 2,409. For girls, “Khloe” jumped from 665 to 196, probably because of Khloe Kardashian. For boys, “Jacoby” went from 623 to 423, probably because of Boston Red Sox player Jacoby Ellsbury. Some other top names for boys: 70) Brody, 98) Colton, 128) Seth, 200) Johnathan … Camden, Mateo make the list, as well as 297) Amir, 375) Larry … Phoenix, Titus make the list, as well as 500) Cale, 563) Boston, 707) Freddie, 713) Elvis, 714) Ace, 801) Bruno, 861) Blaze, 926) Trip, 951) Chazz, 990 Cortez. … Some names on the girls’ list: 116) Rylee, 209) Delancey, 321) Teegan, 449) Diamond, 478) Perla, 503) America, 512) Justice, 594) Journey, 621) Liberty, 665) Finley, 666) Kinley, 700) Aspen, 713) Judith, 755) Armani, 771) Patience, 791) Precious, 846) Ryann, 893) Deja, 929) Princess, 964) Dixie.
13:25 – A human rights organization based in New York has demanded that the sale of a Japanese video game be banned from purchasing by Amazon or through direct purchase. The theme of the game contains, Roricon, or Lolita complex. In the game, players rape young girls and force them to get abortions.
31:28 – 35,000 Wagner paint sprayers manufactured in China sold for $99 at major chain, home and hardware stores across the country, have been recalled because the On/Off switch can fall off and exposes the internal connections and can cause a very high risk of shock.
40:42 – The National Institute of Health have given $400,000 in taxpayer money in the form of a grant to the New York Psychiatric Institute, who are to conduct a 2-year study in which researchers will pose as homosexuals and cruise six popular gay bars in Buenos Aires, Argentina, to find out why gay men engage in risky sexual behavior while drunk. They hope their findings will be applicable to the United States.
54:42 – Ben Harper and David Arquette have a new clothing line called Propr. It includes a short-sleeved plaid button-down for $158 and chino shorts for $135.
58:31 – A headline from an edition of The Washington Post dated Sept. 1, 1926, “The Ku Klux Klan will play the local Hebrew All-Star Nines and provide local sandlot baseball fans with action this Labor Day, when they clash on the Arlington Horse Show Grounds diamond at 3 o’clock.”
1:04:51 – Texas has an enormous fire ant problem. They cost the state hundreds of millions of dollars by getting into circuit breakers and other electrical equipment. Researchers at Texas A&M are releasing the fire ant’s natural predator, the phorid fly, into their environment. The fly will lay its eggs on the body of the fireant; the eggs will then hatch into phorid fly maggots, which will then burrow inside the fire ant’s head and eat its brain. This does not kill the fire ant immediately; the ant’s brain does not control its ability to walk, so zombie-esque fire ants continue to walk around for almost a month until the maggots finally hatch into full-blown flies and the head of the ant falls off. The fly crawls out and lives its life, attempting to find more fire ants.
2:49 – Police across the country are reporting an increase in the number of flowers being stolen from cemeteries and being resold on streets and intersections.
4:23 – The passengers of Flight #1549 that Sully Sullenberger landed into the Hudson have received luggage that was mailed to them after it was recovered from the water. One dude received a newspaper from that day, another had bought birthday boots for her daughter and one received a black-and-white photo of her father from the 1930s. Seth talks about a depot in Steamboat Springs, Colo., that resells lost luggage for bargain prices.
7:21 – Washington, D.C., is host to the National Bible Bee on Nov. 5-6. There will be tournaments held across the country leading up to this.
14:41 – A registered sex offender in Salt Lake City, Utah known as “Diaper Boy” was arrested for the fifth time this week for showing the diaper he wears to kids in the area. Along with the diaper, he also has snapshots of him wearing the diaper, along with downloaded photos of other fully grown men in their diapers. Despite a long history of doing this, prosecutors have had a very hard time filing criminal charges because he does not expose his genitals.
16:56 – Playboy.com features an ad that is a spinoff of “Two Girls One Cup” called “Two Girls One Sub”
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thai Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
30:39 – Seth tells us about Mrs. Buttersworth, who made her TV debut in 1961, but her first name has always been a secret. It’s been passed down over the years from manager to manager at Pinnacle Foods Group, the maker of Mrs. Buttersworth syrup. The website is running a contest to guess her name. Submit your entry by July 17, guess her name and give an explanation in 100 words or less. The winner will be featured on the website, receive $500 in cash and a year’s supply of the syrup.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
37:45 – 66-year-old Robert John Ward of Spotsylvania, Va. (Episode 003, 24:23), was accused by a relative for acting inappropriately with the family dog. The dog had been acting strangely for weeks, and when the family confronted him in an intervention-like setting, he admitted to “fooling around with the dog” when no one was home. Apparently he jerked the dog off, he fucked the dog’s butt and the dog blew him.
42:14 – In Utah, they finally passed a law that gives you clearance to go to a bar and get a drink. Previously, bartenders couldn’t hand a drink to the patron without first walking around the “Zion Curtain,” a glass partition that separates the bartender from the patrons and waitresses. He has to make the drinks in a back room so they can’t see him make them.
47:54 – Consumer Reports has linked a skin rash from leather couches directly back to the manufacturing plant in China. The dyes and preservatives contained in the couches that have been discovered in Ohio are extremely harmful to human skin.
50:51 – A new hot trend is called “lighter tag.” Reports from Seattle say people are playing the game, a form of tag where participants cover themselves in lighter fluid. Tagging someone is in essence lighting that person on fire. Once they roll around and scream and the flames are extinguished, the burnt victim has the opportunity to tag someone else. Jah thinks the way to make the game crazier and better is to extinguish the person who tagged them (paying it backward) before you can continue).
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
54:42 – The total sum of all the world’s digital content has reached 500 billion gigabytes – the equivalent of a stack of books filled with endless information starting on the floor and extending to the planet Pluto, multiplied by 10. It will double in the next year and a half.
1:01:38 – Jah reads something from Ray Kurzweil, who owns a company that sells keyboards and synthesizers: He believes computer intelligence is advancing so rapidly that in a couple of decades machines will be as intelligent as humans. Soon after that they will surpass humans and start creating even smarter technology. By the middle of this century, the only way for us to keep up will be to merge with the machines, so that their superior intelligence can boost our weak little brains and beef up our pitiful illness-prone bodies. Some of Kurzweil’s fellow futurists believe these super-human computers will want nothing to do with us – that we will become either their pets or their food. Always an optimist, Kurzweil takes more of an upbeat view. He swears these super-human computers will love us and honor us, since we will be their ancestors. He also thinks we will be able to embed our consciousness in silicone, which means we can live on inside of machines forever.
3:58 – In Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia—all states that have banned smiling on license photos—there’s new high-tech software that is having issues matching separate photos if facial expressions differ. It is supposed to help identity theft. The DMV has asked in these states that people keep the pictures “dull.”
8:11 – Ben & Jerry’s has a new flavor – The Barenaked Ladies’ “If I Had A Million Flavors” – features chocolate and vanilla ice cream, chocolate-covered toffee, white chocolate chunks, peanut butter cups and chocolate-covered almonds.
14:49 – A transient was found in Mount Olympus (a gated area in Hollywood) this weekend and charged with starting a fire that charred 5 acres of land and took more than 100 firefighters to extinguish. It did not destroy any homes, however the following day, a resident in the area saw the man that matched the description. He detained the dude, and when the cops got there he claimed he was Prometheus—a figure in Greek mythology known for stealing fire from the god Zeus and giving it to the humans.
26:19 – Kanye West has a new book called Thank You and You’re Welcome, even though he has said “I’m not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.” The book is 52 pages long and some of the pages are totally blank. Other pages have words called “Kanye-isms.” Says West, “While traveling the world random thoughts would come to me. Very poignant quotes.” One of the quotes is “I hate the word ‘hate.’”
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
40:10 – Danger Mouse and Sparkle Horse were supposed to put out a record this summer. Due to an ongoing dispute with the label, EMI, the album is not going to be released because of various label-oriented issues. They’re disappointed in this, and plan to release a fully-illustrated artwork-done jewel case. Within the jewel case will be a blank CDR, which will be labeled, “For legal reasons, enclosed is a CDR. It contains no music. Use it as you will.”
48:43 – Gillette has put up some instructional videos on better shaving. One is called “Go further for body shaving,” which states that “When there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.”
52:42 – When the Bureau of Prisons transfers mid- to low-level prisoners to a halfway house or another facility to house inmates, they buy them tickets and let them travel alone on Greyhound buses because it’s more cost-effective. In the last three years, 180 inmates have skipped out on their transfer.
54:58 – A new documentary about teenage girls in the U.S. claims that oral sex is the new good-night kiss.
1:01:28 – Vans made a breakdancing shoe specifically for breakers. If Seth had these shoes he might actually do the moonwalk on camera to make up for when he bitched out in Episode 100.
2:34 – Friday, June 12 – analog to digital. From the time they announced the switch to digital (Episode 048, 15:08), anyone that hadn’t done it yet has since passed away.
7:27 – A guy gets on Twitter and tells everyone how him and his family are on vacation, so someone reads it and goes to his house and steals all his shit.
14:00 – A judge in California has dismissed a lawsuit brought by a woman who stated that she bought Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries because she actually thought the cereal featured real fruit berries. Her name is Janine Sugawara. She also claims she was misled by the box cover because it features the Cap’n thrusting a spoonful of berries in her face.
16:18 – At a recent Technology Entertainment and Design (TED) Conference, a speaker showed a sonogram that showed an example of an in utero masturbation taking place. The Journal of Ultrasound and Medicine released a photo of a baby with its hand hovering over the penis, and then an in-motion footage of the fetus jerking off.
18:58 – A courtside seat to Game 2 of the NBA Finals this week at the Staples Center is on StubHub.com for $55,000. Jah says that’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard in his life.
21:12 – The Nielsen Company announces they are ending the publication Radio and Records
22:30 – Microsoft has a search engine called Bing which they’re hoping will replace Google. The search engine features automatic video preview playing when you scroll your mouse over a link, and tech reviewers basically said it was its own porn site.
23:57 – At the E3 Conference in Los Angeles, Microsoft unveiled their Project Natal, which is basically Wii motion sensor technology without any handheld controls.
25:37 – New Wikipedia/Google – Wolfram|Alpha. Seth thinks it sounds like an Iraqi War operation (Episode 077, 15:56). It’s a computational knowledge engine, the first step in an ambitious long-term project to make all systematic knowledge immediately computable by anyone. You enter your question or calculation and Wolfram|Alpha uses its own built-in algorithms and growing collection of data to compute the answer based on a new kind of knowledge-based computer. Breaking this down in layman’s terms, Jah explains that the concept is Shazam (the song recognizing iPhone app) wrapped over the entire internet.
40:04 – Sunday, June 21 is Father’s Day and the first day of summer. The National Retail Federation expects spending on dad to be down again this year. Last year the average was $94.54, and this year the average is expected to be $90.89 (Episode 120, 12:10, and Episode 013, 41:21).
42:13 – Kids love to hug each other, according to a front page New York Times article. One theory is that play dates were big and novel when J-dawg’s brother, Ben (now 22), was growing up, and it was a huggy time. Jah’s theory is that there is something on a deeper psychological level that has to do with the antithesis of all the other stuff going on in their lives (technological prowess, not being in control), and they look to one another and move toward each other and bracing for what’s going on.
48:10 – The Grandview Topless Coffee Shop (Episode 156, 24:33) burned down this week, thanks to an arsonist.
51:34 – Over 1,000 distinct species of bacteria live on the human skin at any given time. The part of the body with the most bacteria (44 different kinds) is the forearm (Episode 051, 24:28).
58:35 – Police have arrested a U.S. Marine Corps recruiter for using a 14-year-old girl to have sex with potential military recruits. 33-year-old staff sergeant Brian Damone Cunningham enticed the girl from her home after he meter her online. Police found her in a car after having sex with Cunningham and two potential recruits.
1:01:24 – Pearl Jam’s newest album, Backspacer, comes out Sept. 11 and will be sold exclusively at Target.
1:11 – The Washington Nationals set off a pyrotechnic display at a game last weekend and all the debris from the fireworks fell into the stands and landed on the body of the Washington D.C. fire chief.
1:45 – The Dallas Cowboys have a $1.15 billion stadium that opened this week with a George Strait concert that 60,000 people attended. There was only 1 DWI arrest, 53-year-old Jack Hill, who was in charge of the construction of the entire facility and is the general manager of the facility.
5:37 – We have made the switch from analog to digital TV at midnight.
8:32 – The FDA has warned consumers to check the labels on their hand sanitizers. A company called Clarcon is producing sanitizers that contain high levels of disease-causing bacteria. The FDA says to not lather your hands with this or put it in any open wounds.
10:13 – The WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury is going to replace their team name on their uniforms with the name of their new corporate sponsor, Lifelock. This is the first time it has happened in major American sports teams. The NFL has approved that teams can carry corporate sponsors on their practice jerseys. The Houston Texans have been contacted by an HD porn company called Zero Tolerance.
12:01 – An update on Project Natal (Episode 170, 23:57) – it has a problem detecting darker skinned people. Melanin seems to directly affect the signal from the software.
15:22 – PETA releases its most veg-friendly Major League ballparks, and No. 1 is Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. They feature southwestern black bean burgers, mock crabcake salads, veggie Philly cheesesteaks, veggie dogs, faux chicken sandwiches. Fenway Park has some vegetarian offerings – peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks and soft pretzels.
17:52 – Former model Russell Christoff has won $15.6 million in a settlement from a jury in his case against Taster’s Choice coffee. In 1986 he posed for Nestlé, and was paid $250 for a day shoot. He signed a contract that said that any use of the photographs for commercial uses would be negotiated. In 2002, while standing in a Home Depot, a woman is in line with him and tells him he looks like the guy on the coffee jar. Two months later he’s shopping at a Rite-Aid pharmacy, and sees his face on a Taster’s Choice can. Taster’s Choice has been doing it since 1998, and Christoff sues them. The proceedings get bogged down for a bit, he wins the money, an appeals court has reversed the decision, and now he is back in court trying to re-reverse the reversal.
21:36 – July 3, 1995, cover of Time magazine featured the title “Cyber Porn,” with a picture of a scared kid lit up by the glowing orb of an old CRT monitor. “Exclusive: A new study shows how pervasive and how wild it really is. Can we protect our kids and free speech?”
33:10 – The American Veterinary Medical Association is holding their annual convention next month in Seattle, Wash. They opened the first day of the convention with some Pike Place Fish Market throwers. PETA complained and said it would be cruel if it was dead kittens being thrown. The AVMA is now considering rubber fish.
40:36 – The Smiths, a Missouri family, sent out Christmas cards. A friend of theirs was vacationing in Prague and saw their picture in the window of a food speciality shop’s delivery service. The store owner found it on the internet, blew it up and used it as an ad.
42:00 – Geekology.com ranks the “Best Yahoo Answers.” Some of the questions: “Why are there school?” … “How come when I talk to girls on Facebook they don’t answer me back?” … “Ping pong ball stuck in my vagina. Please help me get it out. No, I’m not posting pics. I was trying to practice a cool trick for my man and it got stuck there and it’s too slimy to pull out. I don’t want to go to the E.R. or doctor cuz I gots no insurance.” … “I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?” Jah wonders if there are people who are really that stupid and if they have the capacity to not be that stupid.
48:00 – BestBuytruestories.com – Think they’re actors? Not a chance. 30-second videos on the Best Buy website of employees passing the cheer in their own way.
53:53 – Daniel James Murray, 36, is in custody for menacing President Obama. While he was depositing money in a bank, he asked “Is the bank solvent? With all the mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I’m sure if citizens happen to lose all their money, they’re going to rise up and we could see killing and deaths.” On information they needed on a form, he filled out MESSENGER OF GOD under occupation. After they took him into custody, he said “we are on a mission to kill the President of the United States. … I’ve traveled thousands of miles to be here, and I know things that are going to happen. We are 94 million miles from the sun. The banking system will fail and people will die. There will be chaos in the world.”
1:01:37 – In a slow, deep creepy voice, Jah reads the following: A pair of pioneering astronomers revealed Tuesday how they used a supercomputer to show how a nearby black bole is vastly more massive than scientists ever imagined. The black hole at the heart of the relatively close Messier 87 Galaxy (M87) weighs in at 6.4 billion times the mass of our Sun, according to US astrophysicist Karl Gebhardt and Germany's Jens Thomas, who say it's the largest ever measured with a reliable technique. One of the more enigmatic features of astronomy, a black hole is a region in space that is inferred by tracking stars that orbit it. Objects fall into its stupendous gravitational field but nothing, not even light, can return. Gebhardt and Thomas' revelation, they say, sheds light on how galaxies grow, and may solve the paradox of quasars - active black holes guzzling matter in distant galaxies that scientists are struggling to understand. Addressing the American Astronomical Society conference in Pasadena, California, the stargazers described how they employed the gargantuan computing power of the Lonestar system, also known as the huge "Texas Advanced Computing Center" at the University of Texas. The Lonestar has 5,840 processing cores and can perform 62 trillion "floating-point operations" per second. For comparison, the most state-of-the-art laptop computer has only two processing cores and performs only 10 billion such operations per second. Gebhardt and Thomas's study, to be published later this year in the Astrophysical Journal, aims to clock the mass of Galaxy M87's central black hole by also modeling the galaxy's "dark halo," a phenomenon that extends past a galaxy's visible structure and contains the ethereal but weighty dark matter. "In the past, we have always considered the dark halo to be significant, but we did not have the computing resources to explore it as well," said Gebhardt as he lauded the supercomputer's ability. Such a conclusion would fundamentally change consideration of the physical laws of space, as scientists examine black holes and probe how galaxies grow.
1:07 – In Arizona, when you get a license, you don’t have to renew it until you’re 65 years old
6:19 – The FDA has announced that consumers should immediately stop taking all forms of Zicam cold remedy nasal products. For many way this is a way to get zinc in your system without taking zinc losenges, but apparently spraying the zinc right in your brain can cause anosmia, or the loss of the sense of smell. Jonathan has Zicam sitting in his cupboard right now.
9:56 – Colin Firth will get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2010. Seth has no idea who Colin Firth is.
11:02 – Facebook users have doubled from last year. This year they’ve overtaken Myspace, which has lost 5% of its users. It is the No. 1 U.S. social networking site. Facebook has 70.28 million users; Myspace has 70.26 million; Twitter has 17.6 million – an increase of 2,700% from last year. Jah doesn’t think Twitter should be considered a social networking site, and he will not use it as a way of keeping in touch with people who listen to this show.
13:47 – Sean Combs uses Twitter, and on it had the quote, “When I close my eyes, I see God.”
20:08 – The secret ingredients to the new line of grilled chicken at KFC introduced in April is beef powder and rendered beef fat.
23:29 – Detroit is on some shaky ground right now. The population of the city is hovering around 900,000. There are currently no major grocery store chains in the entire city. There are only 4 Starbucks in the entire city. There may be some light at the end of the tunnel, because young people have begun moving there with the average home price at less than $12,000.
35:37 – A staff person for the Tennessee Republican Sen. Diane Black sent an e-mail out that showed portraits of all 44 U.S. presidents. The final box of President Obama just shows a black box with two wide-open white scared-looking eyes.
38:59 – New Sensations, an adult film production company, has a new film coming out – Seinfeld: A XXX Parody available June 29, 2009. “See the gang like you’ve never seen them before.” They’ve made a couple other parodies, spoofing Scrubs and The Office. James Deen, 2009 AVN Male Performer of the Year, portrays Jerry Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Krasinski in all three spoofs.
45:07 – President Obama was doing an interview at the White House on CNBC and a fly kept flying in front of him. Obama judo chops the fly out of the air and kills it, so PETA sends Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.
48:21 – MTV’s Top Graduation Milestones for 2009: 5) Gay Marriage, 4) Twitter, 3) Twilight, 2) Lady Gaga, 1) Barack Obama.
52:44 – Trip Advisor has listed their World’s Top 5 Germiest Attractions: 5) Handprints and Footprints outside the Hollywood Grauman’s Chinese Theatre; 4) St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy – pigeon shit; 3) Oscar Wilde’s tomb in Paris, France – lipstick prints; 2) the Wall of Gum in Seattle, Wash.; and 1) Blarney Stone in Blarney, Ireland. Seth thinks this is all gross and can’t even get down with his mother taking communion.
58:37 – NASA is talking about bombing the moon. A rocket will go into space and release another rocket. 10 months from now kinetic energy will take that rocket full speed into the moon and bomb it, and a satellite will be following behind that, go under the surface and detect if there is any water or ice under the surface.
1:05:57 – Jonathon Keats is a 37-year-old conceptual artist. In 2003 he copyrighted his mind, claiming it was a sculpture he created, neural network by neural network, through the act of thinking. When interviewed for the project by the BBC World Service, Keats said the reason he did this was to attain “temporary immortality,” on the grounds that the copyright act would give him intellectual property rights on his mind for a period of 70 years after his death. He reasoned that, if he licensed out those rights, he'd fulfill the Cogito (“I think, therefore I am"”, paradoxically surviving himself by seven decades. In order to fund the posthumous marketing of intellectual property rights to his mind, he sold futures contracts on his brain in an IPO (Initial Public Offering) at the Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. The project was later included in Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
8:28 – Trojan has introduced a new line of condom called Ecstasy – “It feels like nothing’s there.”
9:14 – Seth says the greatest movie of all time is The Karate Kid, which is being remade into Kung Fu Kid, starring Eliza Dushku, Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith.
13:34 – Jennifer Love Hewitt is writing a book giving relationship advice called “The Day I Shot Cupid.” Seth then reads a list of the people she’s dated: John Mayer, Carson Daly, Joey Lawrence, Wilmer Valderrama and Antonio Sabato Jr. She’s engaged to Jamie Kennedy.
19:20 – Mike Green, a Republican strategist in South Carolina, on his Twitter account this week: “Just heard Obama is going to impose a 40% tax on Aspirin because it’s white and it works.”
24:10 – More than 18,000 members of the Watchtower Society, followers of the Jehovah’s Witness faith, will converge on your town for their annual convention. They will also be going out in large groups daily trying to convert non-believers. On the Watchtower website, one of the questions asked is “What Movies to See?” The answer: “The AMPAS rating system is no substitute for Bible-trained conscience. Simply just apply Psalm 97:10 – ‘Hate what is bad.’ A person who hates what is bad would consider it wrong to be entertained by the things that God abhors.”
26:39 – Seth tells us about the “Chemtrail conspiracy theory,” which claims that some contrails are actually chemicals or biological agents deliberately sprayed at high altitudes for a purpose undisclosed to the general public. Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, in April of 2009 during an interview with Tavis Smiley, he talked about the phenomenon of chemtrails, saying there were an increase in aircraft trails that coincided with an inexplicable increase in fighting and arguing in his neighborhood.
30:42 – Some Pizza Hut stores and Pizza Hut boxes will now go by the name “The Hut.” It’s in an ongoing effort to stay hip and fresh with their customers. Pizza Hut also unveiled their new “Twintern,” who uses Twitter to update customers about deals and pop culture news.
33:21 – Burger King, in Singapore, has released a new ad for their “Super 7-Incher” burger-sandwich. The ad is a profile of a woman with red lipstick inserting a 7-incher into her mouth, with the words IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND AWAY. FILL YOUR DESIRE FOR SOMETHING LONG AND JUICY. Hardee’s has a new product called “Biscuit Holes.” – “They sound wrong, but they taste so right.”
58:12 – Urged by Captain Sully Sullenberger, the San Francisco Library held a two-week amnesty period for overdue books. Sully had a library book in the cockpit with him when he crash-landed the plane in the Hudson River. After the crash he called his library and apologized for losing it in the crash. The library, in the two-week amnesty, received back 29,228 books. The oldest overdue book that came in was from 1947. It was a copy of George Bernard Shaw’s play “Man and Superman.” Its due date was Jan. 29, 1964. It was at the Presidio Branch. One apologetic patron named Antonio blamed his tardiness on a two-month abduction by aliens.
1:02:38 – A Bolivian TV station got an exclusive cell phone snapshot from the crash of the Air France 447 that was lost over the Atlantic on June 1. A team recovered a passenger’s Casio 2750 cell phone. The camera was destroyed but the memory card was intact. The only problem was the snap shot was a still from the pilot episode of Lost.
1:04:06 – Newly released tapes of President Richard Nixon were made public by the Nixon Presidential Library this week. The secret tapes include his thoughts on abortion. He made no public comment on Jan. 22, 1973, when the Supreme Court struck down laws criminalizing abortion in the Roe v. Wade case, but the next day in the White House he said, “There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black-and-white.”
3:25 – A company called Gene Partner wants to team up with a new online dating site called “Sense2Love” and add genetic matching to their growing database. Soon you’ll be easy to match up genetically.
5:32 – Father José Funes of the Vatican Observatory claimed that if aliens existed, they might not need redemption. Humanity might be the cosmos’ “lost sheep,” the 1 out of 100 in Jesus’ parable that wandered and needed special attention. If there are also intelligent beings, it’s not a given that they need redemption; they might have remained in full friendship with their creator.
7:53 – A company is unveiling a new technology that will allow soon-to-be moms the chance, using high-tech 3D modeling and ultrasound imagery to hold a lifesize replica of their baby from the size of a peanut until the days before actual birth. This will allow the parent to form a pre-natal bond with their child that will only strengthen their love and devotion. … Jonathan wonders about the next generation of this, which is the actual model growing in real time.
18:20 – The founder of Flickr.com, Caterina Fake, has launched a new search engine that she says is a “kind of shortcut through human expert systems.” Users are asked to answer around 1,500 questions about themselves on Hunch.com. Questions such as political orientation, status of their current interpersonal relationships, do you keep your closet organized, do you believe in UFOs?, etc. Hunch believes this large-scale data farming
21:43 – Seth tells us about Corey Feldman and his band, Truth Movement (Episode 079, 20:25). Feldman performed a free concert last weekend at the Universal Citywalk. Truth Movement compares themselves to Pink Floyd – they’re about technology, science and sound. Feldman comes out at the beginning cloaked, and is talking really low in a voiceover. Some of his dialogue: “In the beginning, a sign of things to come. And after the last meteor hit the ground, a new time was born. A new age was discovered. The first sign of life for man as he found his way through the icy caverns. Exploring this new world, and it was bestowed upon him. Men and women made families, created tribes and formed religion!” Seth said the show was pure rock-n-roll.
24:20 – A teenage hunter was convicted of second degree manslaughter for fatally shooting a hiker he had mistaken for a bear. Judge found 15-year-old Tyler J. Kales had not acted recklessly when he shot Pamela Almli on Sock Mountain north of Seattle, Wash. He’s going to be sentenced next week. They believe he’s going to get 3 months in a juvenile facility.
26:41 – Jon Bon Jovi is doing his part for the people of Iran. He’s recorded a cover version of “Stand By Me” and sung part of the lyrics in Farsi.
43:29 – Congratulations to Mississippi – for the fifth year in a row it is the country’s fattest state, followed closely by Alabama, West Virginia and Tennessee.
56:18 – Mormon university BYU has lifted its ban on campus access to YouTube because of the increasing amount of educational materials available on the site. The school is granting access for the first time. The university has encouraged its students to use the tenets of their faith to avoid any objectionable material available on the site. That includes anything remotely erotic, indecent, pornographic, disorderly or obscene.
58:35 – A fifth-grade teacher in Sacramento, Calif., gave all her students a DVD to commemorate their school year. It included field trips, class presentations, etc. A father sat down with his young son, pulled up the menu screen with all the chapters on the TV. He watched one in which his son was featured, and pressed ‘Play.’ He watched a classroom scene with applause, and then it went to an abrupt cut of their fifth-grade teacher on her couch in her living room getting fucked. The father recalled his son’s shocked face and question, “Dad, is that Miss Defanti?” She is apparently mortified and doesn’t know how it’s happened. She’s called all the parents and begged to keep her job and dignity.
2:39 – Gold’s Gym has designated July as “Cankle Awareness Month.” According to Gold’s Gym, cankles are the fastest growing aesthetic affliction in the U.S. The summer brings skirts, shorts, capris, bare feet, sandals, etc., further drawing attention to this scourge. Seth claims that Jonathan’s younger brother, Ben, does not have to worry about this, because he had calf implant surgery (Episode 001, 40:43). Before he had the surgery Seth told him not to do it, but now he thinks it was worth it.
11:53 – Denny’s All-Nighter from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. – they’re playing alternative rock music, and encouraging young, hungry, drunk patrons to come in. They sponsor more than 30 emerging bands who get free meals on the road as long as they occasionally stop in at Denny’s after a show and do a post-show jam session. Denny’s servers are encouraged to chat up tipsy customers, says their spokesperson: “We want them to say, ‘Hey, it looks like you guys are having some fun tonight. Who wants some coffee now?’”
24:12 – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved the first at-home test kit for men to use after a vasectomy, to make sure they have achieved true serility. It’s called Sperm Check Vasectomy. It measures a protein called SP-10 that is present in each sperm head. The test may be useful because sperm can remain in the male reproductive tract for several weeks or months after a vasectomy procedure.
32:24 – TruTV’s website had executed prisoners last words. Early Wesley Berry in ’08: “No comment.” … Dale Devon Scheanette in Texas earlier this year: “Is the mic on?” … Michael Richard in Texas in ’07: “Let’s ride.” … James Jackson in Texas: “Warden, murder me. I’m ready to roll. It’s time to get this party started.” … George Harris in Missouri: “Somebody needs to kill my trial attorney.” … Thomas Grasso in Oklahoma: “Please tell the media I didn’t get my Spaghetti-O’s. I just got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” (Episode 013, 56:19)
34:28 – Facebook has a feature called Friend Suggestions, which analyzes your friends. … Jennifer Bates and her boyfriend of 3 years had a really bad breakup. She gets Friend Suggestions from Facebook of a profile of someone she “might know.” It is the ex-boyfriend, and he is holding his newborn baby, smiling – it was the newborn he had with the girl he was cheating with behind Jennifer’s back. … Tennesse resident Relámpago Negro keeps getting suggestions of the wife of her ex-boyfriend, along with the ex-boyfriend’s brother and all of his in-laws. … Jennifer Smith says that men she went out with one time keep popping back up.
38:49 – Discovery Times Square Exposition has an exhibit called “Titanic: The Artifacts.” You pay $20 and get a quasi-authentic boarding pass, you come out of the tour, and then are told you died.”
41:04 – According to GMAC Insurance, the 5th annual National Drivers Test analyzes Driver IQ on a state-by-state basis by asking 20 questions to more than 5,000 drivers throughtout the country. New York has the lowest Driving IQ, followed by Hawaii, New Jersey and California. Based on the results, 20% of current-day drivers (about 40 million) would not pass a written test if they took it right now. Drivers over 35 were most likely to pass, while 18- to 24-year-olds had the highest failure rate. Men were more likely than woman to pass (81% to 79%).
50:05 – Southwest Airlines has begun letting small dogs and cats fly with their owners for $75 each way.
51:48 – Audra Sigler Shay, the vice chairwoman of the Young Republicans, is under a bit of fire for comments made on her Facebook page. Her friend Eric Piker, July 1 at 1:54 p.m.: “Obama Bin Laden is the new terrorist. We need to take the country back from all these mad coons and illegals.” Audra Sigler at 2:02 p.m. on July 1: “You tell ’em, Eric. LOL.”
1:03:49 – In 2012, the iPhone looks as though it will finally be unlocked – with the ability to use any cell phone provider.
1:43 – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes. He was charged more than $23 quadrillion. John Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number. He said he had to spend more than two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to explain to them what happened and not have to pay the $15 overdraft fee they charged him.
9:46 – The world’s longest yard sale, otherwise known as the U.S. 127 Corridor Sale, a 4-day, 654-mile annual extravaganza that stretches from West Unity, Ohio to Gadsden, Ala., has always begun the first week in August since 1987
13:50 – Harry and Pepper, two gay penguins living and loving at the San Francisco Zoo (Episode 116, 4:42) have been going strong for the last six years. Recently, Linda, another penguin who has just widowed, has started flirting with Harry, and they’re in a fully consummated relationship. Pepper is alone and super upset. Zookeeper Anthony Brown said that Linda did not want to be a single girl for too long.
19:12 – The country’s most popular state fair, the Iowa State Fair, will be held Aug. 13-23 in Des Moines. More than 1 million people will attend. The most popular attraction is the butter cow, a state fair staple since 1911. This year they will focus on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing and will also include some kind of Michael Jackson sculpture. PETA is protesting the annual event and recommends that all the sculpture works be made using Earth Balance, a non-dairy buttery spread. The event is sponsored by the Midwest Dairy Association. Jah claims that Earth Balance is a quality butter substitute.
24:13 – Merriam Webster’s Dictionary has been published with a new edition for 2009 with some of the following new words: acai, fan fiction, flash mob, frenemy, goji (Episode 005, 5:17), locavore (Episode 030, 19:17), reggaeton, sock puppet, staycation (Episode 117, 12:45), webisode and zipline.
33:08 – Dual doggy door dangers – over 75,000 doggy doors are sold and installed in U.S. homes each year. The first is that small children can crawl through them and fall out into pools or off balconies. The other is a reverse boycott – when burglars come with their little children and have them go through the door, unlock it and let them in.
37:51 – Rachel Ferrera, 23, of Wisconsin, got home from work and found her boyfriend, 24-year-old Christopher Strabley, sitting on their couch, watching porn on the TV and masturbating. She called him “a fucking cheater.” She then kicked him in the nuts and stabbed him several times in the stomach with a kitchen knife, saying over and over again “you deserve it.” He drove himself to the hospital and is OK. She told police, “I think I hurt him bad.”
46:29 – Republican U.S. Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas has announced the introduction of legislation that he is backing called The Human Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009. This would ban the creation of genetically spliced human animals. Brownback: “Creating human animal hybrids, which permanently alter the genetic makeup of an organism will challenge the very definition of what it means to be human and is a violation of human dignity and a grave injustice. We will protect the dignity and sacredness of human life. It will protect the very essence of what it means to be human.”
54:28 – There’s currently an ongoing legal battle, and a battle amongst American women, between two different types of tampons – the Tampax Pearl and the Playtex Gentle Glide.
56:37 – An American company, MyDishBiz, posted a photograph of a couple on their website doing a testimonial. Underneath, the caption reads “Frank and Mary from New York,” along with a glowing testimonial about how they made easy money selling Dish network satellites from home and “We made over $1,000 alone from this internet business opportunity.” The couple in the picture are not Frank and Mary, but Ben and Catherine Mullany from Wales, who were murdered last summer while on their honeymoon in Antigua. The pic was downloaded without permission from an internet memorial site that was dedicated to them by friends and family.
3:15 – Many former Christians are getting de-baptized.
5:43 – Shannon Doherty was at the Hollywood Collectors and Celebrities Show in Burbank last weekend selling autographs and pictures. Her display listed her credits as Beverly Hills 90210, 90210, Mallrats, Scare Tactics and Charmed. She charged $25 for autographed photos, $40 for her Playboy cover, $50 for a nude photo and $20 for a photo op.
11:06 – It’s an African tradition for bare-breasted women to form a tunnel and greet soldiers who have returned from war. They heal the troops with their presence, easing the mental and physical toll on their return to daily life. The natural healing and energy of the topless women is soothing. Twenty-five women at the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art have taken this custom and acted upon it. They painted their breasts and pressed them against soft cloth and left their mark. They want to give them to returning soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan.
21:18 – At the recent TED global conference, a professor claimed that a detailed, functional artificial human brain would be built within the next 10 years. “The Blue Brain Project” aims to reverse engineer the mammalian brain from laboratory data. In particular, the team of scientists and researchers have focused on the neocortical column, using a software model of over 10,000 different processors—each one simulating the total calculations that each neuron can deliver.
34:12 – In Utah, a 45-year-old female Social Studies teacher is arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old male student. It started out with simple texts. She is charged with rape of a child and sodomy of a child. In the same court, same city and same school, there is a 40-year-old teacher who’s about to go to trial because she’s been fucking the same kid. He’s 14 now. The 40-year-old math teacher is being charged with rape and forcible sodomy.
39:48 – As of Oct. 27, 2009, all new commercial airliners must come equipped with airbags in all of their seats.
41:41 – More than 100 pilots and other airline employees live in a makeshift colony of trailers and motor homes at the eastern end of LAX’s Parking Lot B.
46:44 – In Santa Ana, Calif., a man sued a local Claim Jumper restaurant because he was enjoying his French onion soup, chewing the melted cheese on top and realized he was chewing a condom. The attorney wants all employees to hand over DNA samples to match.
50:43 – Police are reporting that sexual assaults and indecency at Orlando waterparks are skyrocketing this summer.
2:06 – There are over 50,000 registered sex offenders in the United States as we speak. You can now get a new app for your iPhone called Offender Locator, which pinpoints the user by GPS and provides an immediate map listing of all peeds that are in the area. You can click on the pin, and it provides a picture of the dude, his address and what he did.
8:01 – AOL Radio has an all-Nickelback station. Some of the comments that were left on the station page: Fantastic. Now I can listen at work. … Wow. Absolutely amazing. Now I can listen to all their songs without interruption. … All Nickel for no dime. Great stuff. … Wow. All Nickelback. For no dimes. Wow. … This will be the best station. … Sweet. Total nonstop Nickelback. … Like a dream come true. I have gone through four sets of CDs and I’m about to replace them again. There were also a lot of comments from Eastern Europe asking for them to tour over there.
17:08 – Star magazine uncovers a relationship between Kenny Chesney and Jessica Simpson as a “Hot Summer Hookup.”
24:47 – UCLA has released their latest edition of the slang dictionary they put out every year. New inclusions are booty call, chillax, cross faded, sister from another mister, off the heezy, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), Obama (the slang term, not the name), etc.
27:06 – Princeton Review Top 10 Party Schools (Episode 031, 4:56) — 10) UC-Santa Barbara, 9) Florida State, 8) Wisconsin, 7) Texas, 6) West Virginia, 5) Ohio, 4) Georgia, 3) Mississippi, 2) Florida, 1) Penn State.
32:22 – Police in Lawrence, Ind., picked up a drunk and disorderly Asian man for booking. He was totally compliant, a simple man. Instead of filling out the paperwork with the standard legal name of John Doe, they thought it would be funny to call him Jackie Chan. Unfortunately, he’s a somewhat famous Chinese refugee who just arrived in the U.S. after spending 17 years in a Chinese prison being tortured for throwing paint on a picture of Mao Zedong. The group that brought him here were unable to locate him because he has no ID on him. As they were going around to local hospitals and jails they couldn’t find any John Doe because he was booked as Jackie Chan.
47:56 – Thursday-Sunday, Aug.6-9, in Cave In Rock, Ill., will be the 10th Gathering of the Juggalos (the crazy Insane Clown Posse fest).
56:50 – A writer for the Washington Post asked the city’s WNBA team, the Washington Mystics’ management, why, during their home games, there is no Kiss Cam. A spokeswoman for the team claims that “We get a lot of kids at our games and we didn’t want our fans seeing anything that could be deemed inappropriate.”
58:53 – The New York Times had an article about “When Do They Need A Fig Leaf?” talking about how old kids should be before they start running around butt naked. Jah thinks they should start dressing around the house when they have pubes.
3:00 – The USPS is about to begin closing down over 1,000 postal offices throughout the country. The USPS has lost over $4.7 billion this year. They expect to lose about $7 billion by October. Jah is trying to keep the USPS alive by sending all UYD t-shirts through the mail.
18:33 – Aug. 15-16 is the 40-year anniversary of Woodstock, not to be confused with 1994’s Woodstock 2, which Seth went to (Episode 019, 6:00). This was not the Woodstock that had the rape – that was 1999 – and was probably Limp Bizkit’s fault.’
36:46 – A blogger claims that you can block out Gmail ads by using “trigger words” within your e-mails. Jah explains how Google has a mechanism in it that reads your e-mails and tries to throw ads around the outside of your e-mail (Episode 173, 19:42; Episode 157, 11:46). People text Jah all the time saying it’s awesome that they get Uhh Yeah Dude ads, because Jah’s dad submitted a UYD ad 2 years ago. Jah doesn’t like it because you get inundated with it. The blogger has figured out that if you type in words like “suicide” and “911” the ads won’t show up. The ads only show up when your e-mail is “catastrophe-free.” Apparently you need one event and/or trigger word for every 167 words you use in a message. Words such as “incest,” “pedophile,” etc., all work. Jah thinks people need to have these embedded in their signatures at the bottom of each e-mail: On 9-11, my dog was raped by a pedophile alcoholic.
43:02 – Sarah Palin was on a 7-hour road trip with her family, and so she filled up the iPod with Kid Rock, Toby Keith and The Black-Eyed Peas. She said it was going to be “iPod heaven.”
48:06 – If you’ve found yourself looking for Radio Shacks recently and haven’t found any, that’s because Radio Shack is now officially, “The Shack.” Much like Pizza Hut is now “The Hut” (Episode 172, 30:42).
49:32 – A large pizza at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, if you stay at one of the suites, it costs $60 (no toppings).
53:27 – Seth gives Jonathan the top 10 singles on the charts this week in 1984: 10) Corey Hart – “Sunglasses At Night”; 9) Rod Stewart – “Infatuation”; 8) Dan Hartman – “I Can Dream About You”; 7) Bruce Springsteen – “Dancing In The Dark”; 6) Lionel Richie – “Stuck On You”; 5) Elton John – “Sad Songs Say So Much”; 4) Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”; 3) The Jacksons – “State of Shock”; 2) Prince – “When Doves Cry”; 1) Ray Parker Jr. – “Ghostbusters.” Jah recalls that Ray Parker Jr. got sued by Huey Lewis because he ripped off “I Want a New Drug.”
1:01:23 – There are over 1 trillion web addresses on the internet. There are 6.7 billion people in the world. There are 150 web addresses for every person. If you were to spend 1 minute on every website (assuming no more were ever created), it would take you 31,000 years.
3:48 – In Spokane, Wash., they have a complete and total ban on sales of dishwashing detergent that contain phosphates which run into the Spokane River and kill fish by depleting oxygen in the water. Residents are forced to drive 45 minutes across state lines to Couer d’Alene, Idaho, and smuggle over what they call “the good stuff” – non-green brand name products.
6:14 – All over California, classrooms have taken a severe hit because of the economic crisis. Because of this, the State Board of Education says that the schools will not be receiving any new textbooks until 2016 at the earliest. Students’ books will not have any references to President Obama, the mortgage crisis, the financial meltdown or climate change for at least six more years.
10:38 – With more people out of work, two professions are seeing a dramatic rise – DJs and stand-up comedians. Seth wants people to realize that DJing is not a real thing. Jah has pursued both of these professions, and can’t believe he pursued the two worst professions in the world.
13:33 – Mr. Skin, a website dedicated to every single nude scene in mainstream film/cinema. He has released his top 100 nude scenes of all time. Jah wonders if there was ever a situation in which Seth would beat off to a starlet, and he says never in a million years. The top five are: 5) Marisa Tomei in Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead; 4) Jessica Biel in Powder Blue; 3) Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct; 2) Angelina Jolie in Gia; and 1) Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. After saying this one Jah thinks he might have beat off to that one.
26:01 – The Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (OCDF) held their annual conference last weekend in Minneapolis, featuring seminars and speakers.
1:25 – Back-to-school shopping is in full swing. Jah has been conversing with some listeners who were moving into their dorms for the first time. Seth says there are always battles between roommates as to who was going to bring the fridge and who was going to bring the microwave.
3:12 – In the upcoming fall TV preview of Entertainment Weekly. some of the magazines being mailed to New York and Los Angeles will include the first ever video player. It is a 2-inch screen that will play ads for Pepsi Max and the CBS new fall lineup.
6:55 – According to the Hygiene Council, these are the germiest spots in an average American home: 8) kitchen faucet, 7) baby changing table, 6) light switches, 5) microwave touch screen, 4) kitchen sponges, 3) pet food dish, 2) tub and shower, 1) TV remote control.
15:43 – On November 1, Philadelphia will become the first city in the country to ban cell phone use – including texting – while skateboarding, riding a bicycle or skating (inline or quad). They must use a hands-free device. A ticket will cost you $150.
24:30 – According to the ACLU and the Human Rights Watch, the following states have the highest level of corporal punishment for U.S. schoolchildren: 10) Missouri, 9) Florida, 8) Louisiana, 7) Oklahoma, 6) Tennessee, 5) Georgia, 4) Arkansas, 3) Alabama, 2) Mississippi, 1) Texas.
41:37 – A social media research firm took 2,000 tweets all in the English language over the span of 2 weeks, and found that 40.55% would go under the category of “Pointless Babble” posts.
47:41 – The Backstreet Boys have released a single from their new album called “This Is Us,” which drops on Oct. 6. They begin their tour on Oct. 30, sans Kevin.
49:29 – KISS will release their new album, “Sonic Boom,” also on Oct. 6. You have to go to Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club to buy it, because it will be sold there exclusively. While you’re at Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club, you can pick up the new Foreigner album “Can’t Slow Down” on Sept. 29.
56:47 – James Daniel of Indiana was arrested for setting up a meeting with a 13-year-old girl. He never fulfilled any of these fantasies but he was at the park with his condoms, etc. Police confiscated his computer, and in his subsequent trial they found out he was having explicit communication with another 13-year-old girl and another 15-year-old girl. It turned out that both of those were undercover police that did not know of the other two. He was having three different online relationships with undercover cops.
1:53 – Seth congratulates Green Bay, Wisc., which has their first black police officer in the 152-year history of their police force. There are 100,000 people living in Green Bay.
2:41 – Bob Dylan will be recording his Christmas album called Christmas In The Heart, with such songs as “Winter Wonderland” and “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Proceeds will go to the charity Feeding America.
3:51 – Bob Dylan has also been in talks with 2 major car companies for providing the voice for their GPS
10:28 – The Rolling Stones have been named the world’s most expensive wedding band. They will play anywhere in the world for $8.25 million. If you’re on a budget, you can get Lady GaGa or Katy Perry for $100,000
19:44 – The Marc Pease Experience is a feature film comedy starring Jason Schwartzman and Ben Stiller. It was released last Friday in 10 U.S. cities: San Francisco, Philadelphia, Miami, Chicago, Dallas, Cleveland, Minneapolis, Seattle, Sacramento and Boston. It made $3,000 in its opening weekend. Seth compares this to a Zyzzyx Road sitch (Episode 046, 39:02).
20:59 – Someone has hacked into the Sears.com website and managed to change info under the deparment store section under “Grills,” which had “Human Cooking” and grills for cooking babies and other body parts. Jah likes this because it’s cyber-graffiti, but Seth says swatting isn’t as harmless (Episode 097, 46:37).
23:05 – Scientists at the Brain Institute at the University of Utah altered a single gene in the brain of a female worm and were able to turn her into a lesbian worm.
33:43 – The 24th annual Imagen Awards were held in Los Angeles this week. This is an awards show that recognizes and celebrates film and television offerings that feature positive portrayals and uplifting portraits of both Latinos and the Latino culture. The award this year for Best Movie went to Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
34:44 – 365Black.com is a McDonald’s website for blacks. Meet real people whose lives have been touched by McDonald’s. Quote from their press release: “Like the unique African Baobab Tree, which nourishes its community with its leaves and fruit, McDonald’s has branched out to the African American community, nourishing it with valuable programs and opportunities.”
42:14 – Starbucks has announced they will begin raising prices up to 30 cents on harder-to-make drinks while reducing prices on easier-to-make coffees up to 15 cents. This doesn’t help Jah because his drinks are wicked complicated – right now his drink is an iced grande soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. He has downsized (Episode 112, 27:19, Episode 003, 32:44). This works for Seth because a small black coffee will go from $1.60 to $1.45. The changes will roll out to all 11,800 Starbucks stores nationwide.
43:21 – Beloit College in Wisconsin has the Mindset List for the Class of 2013 (students who were born in 1991). In their lifetimes: Salsa has always outsold and been more popular than ketchup … Magic Johnson has always been HIV Positive … Tattoos have always been super chic and highly visible … Rap music has always been mainstream … Condoms have always been advertised on television … There’s always been a computer in the Oval Office … There’s always been blue Jell-O.
56:29 – There is a loophole in the law in Rhode Island where indoor prostitution is legal.
7:26 – The U.S. Forest Service has issued a warning to the public to be aware and extra vigilant while spending time in Colorado’s National Parks and Forests. The agency said that campers who eat “tortillas, drink Tecáte beer and play Spanish music could be armed marijuana growers.”
8:32 – There will be a Rambo 5. Rambo will fight his way through human traffickers and drug lords to rescue a young girl who’s been abducted near the U.S. – Mexico border.
10:39 – 37-year-old mailman James Stempnick was charged with delaying and stealing mail after federal agents recovered more than 20,000 pieces of mail from his suburban Detroit home. It was all over his house, garage and car.
24:25 – On January 29, 2038, the internal clock for Unix will turn over, and the operating system runs a lot of business computer databases. Those servers are going to overflow Y2K style and will flip over into all zeroes. Experts are divided on what will happen. They’re referring to it as Y2K38
27:58 – Seth refers to The Mark Pease Experience (Episode 181, 19:44), which is up to around $4,000 now. There was a movie released called The Open Road starring Justin Timberlake playing Jeff Bridges’ son. It opened in 14 theatres and made about $13,000.
31:58 – DePaul University in Chicago is offering a new class this semester that will focus on Twitter. The Journalism course is called “Digital Editing – From Breaking News to Tweets.”
40:48 – The Huffington Post had a column by Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships and she wrote about an ancient sex technique about avoiding the orgasm. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse, a.k.a. “slow boning.” Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. It is called angelic dual cultivation, or reserved embrace.
46:55 – Starbucks has some writing on their brand new cups: “We don’t just want to make your drink, we want to make your day.”
57:13 – The Honolulu City Council has been considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine or six months in jail for bus riders that are convicted of smelling badly. It would be “illegal to have an odor that disturbs others.”
1:01:26 – Boston Market has an ad campaign they’re doing now that says WE’RE HAPPY TO FRESHLY TOSS YOUR SALAD. JUST ASK. Jah knows it’s a gross sexual term but it’s so old that he’s forgotten what it is. He asks Seth if it gets done to him or if he does it to people. Seth cracks up because Jah faux-grabbed something in his nether regions when he asked the question.
3:38 – Police are trying to figure out what to do about 37-year-old Dave VonTesmar. He’s gotten 37 photo radar speeding tickets in Phoenix, Az., but he’s wearing a monkey face mask in all of the photographs. When he receives the picture of him running through the light he mails the ticket with his license and the picture saying PROVE IT’S ME. Vontesmar is a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.
7:21 – Hugh Hefner is finally divorcing his wife Kimberly Conrad and many of his assets have been put out in the open. He still earns an income from Playboy magazine - $29,000 a week. In his home in Holmby Hills, he has $306,548 in cash in the study. He has $36 million in stocks and bonds and $6 million in an unnamed joint account. … Seth wants to know if Playboy will die if Hefner dies or if it will go on. Jonathan says yes. He also wants to know if it will be drastically different or extreme. Jah talks about how Hef’s daughter started incorporating pussy lips when she took over (Episode 147, 53:02).
22:10 – A hot new trend with Christian couples is staying faithful online, sharing e-mail addresses and passwords for all online accounts. Jah’s down with it. It’s called Biblical Accountability.
34:58 – A new rehab facility called Restart is an internet addiction rehab.
36:32 - Seth references a news story from earlier in the year, when they took a bunch of Mormon kids out of a compound. The only visual the kids had was adult penis. The kids were being shown TV upon being released and one of the little kids was like, "I thought it was junk." Seth wanted to ring the kid's neck.
46:05 – 365black.com (Episode 181, 34:44) has the McDonald’s DJ Flavor Battle going on. LA-based DJ Spinderella is repping the Big Mac, Brian Michael Cox of Houston and Miami is repping the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and Miami-based DJ Irie – the DJ of the Miami Heat and Jamie Foxx – is repping the Angus Third Pounder with Bacon and Cheese. Jah is going with Spinderella all day long.
47:02 – In Big Mac news, test markets are thoroughly enjoying the Big Mac Snack Wrap, which is a Big Mac burrito – essentially some beef, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a flour tortilla instead of a sesame seed bun (Cali style).
50:22 – The American Cinematheque is going to give a Lifetime Achievement Award to 38-year-old actor Matt Damon.
53:40 – Swine Flu is taking over college dorms and has started H1N1 Quarantine Dorms at Washington State, Alabama, Purdue and Emory.
56:07 – Parents at an elementary school in South Carolina have asked the school district to move up a bus stop that currently has kids getting on and off the bus in front of a registered sex offender’s house.
57:52 – Newsweek asked “Is This Baby Racist?” It profiles the book Nurture Shock which followed a multicultural school in San Diego. Out of 100 kids they gave 50 kids blue shirts and 50 kids red shirts. For 6 weeks they never said one word about the differences, the kids did everything – recess, homework, etc. When they split them up and gave them a questionnaire, the kids said that their own color was smarter and the other color was meaner.
2:47 – The Boston Phoenix has coined a new phrase called “retrosexuals” (Episode 087, 38:55), which is people going on to Facebook to find old boyfriends and girlfriends from high school and college to hook up again. It’s a mixture of both intense nostalgia and interest.
9:36 – 34-year-old Matthew Eaton and his 26-year-old wife, Laura, went on Dr. Phil last year, to talk about how they made a living of more than $100,000 a year by shoplifting and selling their stuff on the internet. A federal grand jury has recently indicted them after a prosecutor saw the episode and sent sheriffs to their home and found over 500 boxes of stolen merchandise.
16:20 – Deep in the Arizona desert, several dozen Buddhists are preparing to undergo a mind-altering, spiritual journey – 3 years, 3 months and 3 days of total and complete silence, with no word from the outside world. All the participants will cook for themselves in cabins equipped with kitchens and bathrooms. Each participant will need around $75,000 to build the cabin and pay for 3 years of food and supplies – lentils, rice, beans, potatoes, vegetables, solar panels and propane tanks. There will be a newlywed couple that will communicate only through gestures and facial expressions. They will not be able to have sex because it will drain their Prana.
22:23 – The citizens of Philadelphia have to return all their library books as soon as they can, no later than Thursday, Oct. 1. On Friday, Oct. 2, all public libraries in the city will be closed.
33:35 – Abercrombie & Fitch has sued Beyoncé, saying that her plan to sell a fragrance named after her alter-ego, Sasha Fierce, violates the teen clothing retailer’s trademark on their line of men’s fragrance called “Fierce.” A&F, since 2003, has held the trademark on the word “Fierce.” Jonathan has smelled the shit before (Episode 114, 48:35) and it’s not fierce at all.
39:17 – L.A. weatherman Fritz Coleman is a local celeb, stand-up comic and the mayor of Toluca Lake. Jah explains the phrase “Fritz said it would be like this,” (Episode 057, 43:57) which is what people said to each other when it started raining. A community college geography instructor, Melanie Renfrew, flooded Coleman with e-mails and rambling letters explaining her romantic interest in him, saying “God was talking to her.” She’s pleaded guilty to violating a restraining order that prohibited her from communicating with him. It gets thrown out if she leaves him alone for a year, but she won’t stop. Renfrew said in an e-mail to the Los Angeles Times: “Fritz Coleman’s charges against me are libel and slander. I could sue for millions and I’d win.” She said in a telephone interview that she started writing to Coleman because she thought his characterization of on-shore and off-shore air patterns during weather reports were wrong and she wanted to alert him to that: “I was called a criminal for being normal.” According to a court file, she invited him to an intimate Thanksgiving dinner, and that following Christmas told him, “You can come and camp in my backyard.”
42:46 – Skygazers all over the world were witnesses to a mysterious glowing nighttime show this week. It turns out it was Space Shuttle Discovery throwing out 10 days of astronaut urine and feces into the galaxy after undocking from the international space station. 150 pounds of the waste and water froze before solar heat melted it and it turned into vapor.
44:47 – Almost half of all college cafeterias in the U.S. have reduced food waste and cut water usage by eliminating cafeteria trays.
55:05 – The new BodyWorlds exhibit opened in Zurich this week. It’s called “Cycles of Life” and it has plastinated bodies in different poses and scenes. This time the bodies are all boning.
1:01:05 – The mayor of Clarksville, Tenn., Johnny Piper, has come under fire for forwarding an e-mail to all city employees telling them that they need to oppose postage stamps honoring 2 Islamic holidays ordered by Muslim president Barack Obama. The stamps have been around for 8 years. After Piper receives criticism, he says he has a lot of Muslim friends.
3:41 – Bed manufacturers have been appealing to men with upscale beds and mattresses. Some of them offer things like muscle recovery properties, as well as ones with built-in TVs, mini coolers, iPods and safes, etc.
6:39 – Shaheed Wright feared that police were closing in on him, so he hid bags of cocaine in his son’s jacket pockets. He told his son it was just candy, and when the 4-year-old got to his day care center in Newark, N.J., he began handing out this “candy” to his friends. The boy and 3 of his friends were rushed to the hospital after the teacher found one of the bags on the floor.
11:07 – A man in Utah, who police say posed as a licensed massage therapist, has been arrested for sexually assaulting 2 women. His name is Robert Battle. He was working at a fitness center where he was doing his own style of massage. He told one woman her body wasn’t really holding prior massage work, so he needed to do some “internal work,” and performed a vaginal massage. Another woman said Battle covered her with a sheet but had to remove it later on to get to a massage point by her vagina.
14:52 – The iCub is a small-sized humanoid robot about the size of a 3-1/2-year-old child, and he wants to party with Seth and fight Jonathan.
20:05 – Firefighters had to be called to the ER of a Newport Beach hospital to help save a man’s penis. It got stuck on the hole of a steel dumbbell. The man was apparently trying to enlarge the size of his penis, but it had swollen up in and around the dumbbell. He initially refused treatment. Firefighters told him that if they didn’t cut through the weight his penis would die. It took about 2 hours to cut it apart.
23:56 – Expert nautical deep-sea oceanographers have discovered a very new strange species of shark called the ghost shark. Discovered off the California coast, it has a sexual organ of some sort on its head that is a club with spikes that come out of it. It’s either to fuck the female or hold down the female it’s fucking. Jonathan thought a “ghost shark” was when you’re sharking somebody, you get right up to their face to nut and you bitch out and can’t do it (Episode 171, 57:26).
33:02 – Douglas Parks, a 50-year-old Postal Service supervisor, has admitted to taking 16,000 Best Buy Rewards certificates from a major distribution center and buying almost $200,000 in merchandise—including 7 37-inch LCD TVs and 37 iPods. A Massachusetts postal worker, Miles Weathers, has also admitted to stealing more than 3,000 Netflix DVDs from his local office.
48:58 – The mayor of a small town in South Carolina, Sally Peek, had to revoke an order she had given out to her police force earlier in the week after others had heard about it and reacted unfavorably. She had banned the town police officers from chasing suspects on foot. She asked for this to stop after a cop was hurt while running after a man with crack cocaine on him, fell down and hurt himself. She said a drug possession charge was not worth the cost to taxpayers in this economic time.
54:14 – Phoenix, Az., has been dubbed the Kidnapping Capital of America. More incidents than any city in the world outside of Mexico City – over 370 cases in 2008. A home invasion task force has been established to combat this. This scares Jonathan.
4:24 – Captain Sully was back in the cockpit for the first time since his Jan. 15 Miracle on the Hudson. It was the same flight, but this time it was from Charlotte to New York. He arrived 7 minutes earlier. Passengers, at least 2 who were on the original flight, erupted in cheering when they heard the announcement, “This is your captain, Chesley Sullenberger.”
8:03 – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah brings up the Breast Cancer Awareness Stamps, which claim to “stamp out cancer,” as opposed to Yoplait’s unfortunate slogan, “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09; Episode 085, 33:45; and Episode 157, 57:22).
15:55 – The Sex Degrees of Separation – when you’ve fucked someone, you’ve fucked everybody that they’ve fucked. You’re sleeping with their previous partners and the previous partners’ previous partners as well. If you were to take 6 generations of partners, you have slept with, on average, somewhere in the region of 2.8 million people, and a shitload of those were dudes.
26:03 – When is a person a person? Abortion foes, led by Colorado-based pro-life group called Personhood USA, have revived efforts to make life begin at the point of conception. Critics call it the “Egg-as-Person Movement.”
28:03 – Timothy Daniel Dolezal, 57, of Penndel, Penn., was arrested after police discovered he was sharing images of child pornography on various file sharing pedophile sites. Authorities went to his home with a search warrant when they calculated that he had over 1,000 dowloaded images and files. However when police arrived at his house he was also feverishly striking his computer with a metal bar.
30:12 – The Simmons Company, the maker of Seth’s Simmons BeautyRest California King mattress (Episode 120, 48:06)—the love of his life—have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The mattress allows Seth to replenish and restore. Jah declares that he’s going to buy a new mattress once he gets some money.
31:14 – Seth reads a clipping from the Los Angeles Times that he warns us is pretty crazy: “Former reality TV show contestant Brian Randone, 45, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to charges of torturing and killing his girlfriend, 31-year-old Felicia Tang Lee. Prosecutors allege that Randone, a Christian minister and contestant on the 2000 FOX television show, Sexiest Bachelor in America, tortured and suffocated Lee in the home they shared in the 500 block of W. Duarte Road in Monrovia. Lee was pronounced dead Sept. 11 after Randone called police to report that she was not breathing. Lee, a model and actress who has appeared in adult films, met Randone at a pool at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas six months ago.”
34:57 – Pittsburgh police unveiled a new weapon at the G20 protests. It’s called the LRAD, in essence a sound cannon that emits a fast, high-pitched alarm similar to a car alarm, but over 150 decibels. It mimics a gunshot next to your ear. It is the first time it’s been used in the United States to handle American citizens.
39:12 – Seth read an article about an apartment complex, the Villa Valentino, up by the Hollywood Bowl. Back in December of 2008 on a Friday night, the new owner calls everybody down to the courtyard and tells everyone about a gas leak. He says there’s moving fans coming in to take care of them. Finally somebody gets an official on the phone, and they claim they have no idea what they’re talking about. The owner had sold the apartments to some place that wanted to turn it into a boutique/hotel, so she made up the story so there would be voluntary evictions and once their shit was out, they were out. Seth compares it to the gas leak in Seth’s apartment in Episode 089, 23:16, except that one was real.
41:49 – Scientists have confirmed that the premier flu-fighting drug Tamiflu (Episode 105, 15:07), is contaminating rivers downstream from sewage treatment facilities. The source is urinary excretion by people taking the powerful medicine. Concerns are building that birds, who are natural influenza carriers, are being exposed to a waterborne Tamiflu residue, and then might develop and then spread potent, new drug-resistant strains of a higher power.
1:01:06 – Tufts University in Massachusetts has enacted a new policy in their campus dorm rooms banning any sexual activity while a roommate is in the same room.
3:05 – The AMA is considering taking white coats out of commission for good. One of the reasons is the fact that doctors are dirty people and don’t wash them and they’re covered in bacteria. There’s also a trend in younger doctors who claim “white coat hypertension,” which asserts that our heart rate and blood pressure go up when we see a doctor wearing one. In a survey, 76% of people said it does evoke trust and confidence in them. Only 10% of them like the idea of them being in scrubs, 9% in business attire, and 5% say casual clothing. Jah claims that the doctors in L.A. get super casual, not wearing anything underneath their scrubs, etc.
5:48 – Seth asks Jah if he tried out for the Hunky Santa auditions at the Beverly Center (Episode 145, 11:15).
9:23 – In an effort by undercover officers in Georgia to crack down on prostitution in local massage parlors, recent arrests have led to the arrest of one woman named Mi Suk Yang
9:43 – Kleenex has a new website, getmommed.com.
21:18 – Since the dawn of the human race, roughly 50,000 BC, the world’s population of homo sapiens has reached 6.8 billion people. We reached 6 billion in 1999. We will hit 7 billion by 2011.
36:14 – Paul Lyle has plead guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his job as a radio executive at American Media Investments. He did it to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. While awaiting his sentencing, he won $96,000 on a scratcher.
39:32 – According to specialized agents at the United Nations, there are 750,000 sexual predators constantly prowling the internet in a bid to get in contact with children.
44:45 – The Jet Propulsion Laboratory has recently downgraded the chances of Asteroid Apophis stroking the earth off on April 13, 2036. The odds were recently changed from a 1-in-45,000 chance to a 1-in-250,000 chance.
45:47 – A retired baseball player named Bernard Gilkey, 43, is best known for his brief appearance in the 1997 film Men In Black where he’s distracted by a spaceship at Shea Stadium and a baseball hits him in the head. He last played for the Arizona Diamondbacks in 1998, 1999 and 2000, before retiring in 2001. The league deferred huge amounts of money to the teams to allow them to upgrade players, etc. They had to start paying out monies owed to players, and began doing this in 2004. Gilkey received his first check in 2004 for $1 million and got checks of the same value through 2009, and will continue to get them through 2017.
50:23 – Transportation officials have deemed distracted driving a menace to society.
51:09 – Here are some sweet movies we can look forward to seeing: Asteroids, based on the 1979 Atari arcade game; Viewmaster, based on the toy that creates 3-D images in binoculars; Lego, the kids’ building blocks game; Battleship, Hasbro’s naval war game; Monopoly; Candy Land; and Ouija.
0:53 – In Texas there’s a PSA running called Drink Safe Texas: “How long does it take to spike a drink? You wanna see it again?” There’s a coaster they’re making where you take a dropper and put booze on it, and it tells you if there’s GHB or K in your drink.
5:25 – According to 17th century Archbishop of the Church of Ireland, James Usher, the world was created at nightfall on Oct. 23, 4004 BC. This Friday, creation is 6,012 years old.
7:09 – UYD college listeners are telling Jah that they have H1N1 and that LeBron James has it. Jah thought everyone was past it.
7:48 – Because of the H1N1, all waiting rooms are removing magazines, Catholic churches are not having chalice offerings and not giving any more sign of peace handshakes.
18:14 – Pennsylvania officials have arrested a man who used Facebook to ask his own daughter for sex. His name is John Forehand and he proposed meeting the girl for sex and explained graphic sex acts in detail, telling her “not many other fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience all these pleasures.” Police found him at the meeting place where he had asked his daughter to come. He had cameras and condoms
21:08 – As a result of the chilly weather, there is a shortage of pumpkin and pie filling because of the breakdown in bad weather and trucks not getting there. Shoppers are finding bare shelves. Although we may not have our pumpkins for Halloween, we should have them for Thanksgiving.
32:17 – 47-year-old Brian Johason of Chicago took his computer in to be fixed. Techs found a folder entitled “Sex With 12-year-old.”
37:53 – Many members of the Mormon faith are taking to heart a decades-old directive from leaders of the faith that they should be prepared for upcoming natural disasters by stockpiling at the very least one year’s worth of food, grains, pastas, potato flakes in bulk, canned fruits and vegetables. Jah isn’t totally opposed to that concept because people assume too much about their stability as a civilization sometimes.
39:35 – Angelo Crippa of Santa Barbara is an 82-year-old avid amateur mushroom hunter. He picked some mushrooms, but unfortunately they were a strain of Death Angel Mushrooms that looked almost identical to another form of edible mushrooms. He has a routine of sautéing them, offered them to his wife, then ate them. He said “Those were the best mushrooms I’ve ever eaten.” Angelo never woke up after he went to bed.
41:19 – New Scientist magazine has reported on new work being done to create a version of the coating that protects and nurtures the fetus while in the womb – Vernix caseosa. It’s an artificial mixture of baby butter, which can be used to hydrate or maintain pH balances, fight infections and protect skin exposed to light.
42:27 – A woman in Columbus, Ohio rented a limousine, rolled it up to a Burlington Coat Factory, told everyone in the store she won the lottery and to get anything they want. Everyone went buck wild and called everyone they knew to buy stuff, then she got in the limo and drove off – totally kidding. Then a full riot ensued. The only reason she got caught is because after she got dropped off she didn’t even pay the limo driver.
47:40 – There’s a dude who was putting on fake war medals saying he was in Afghanistan doing it for America. He was arrested and charged with stolen valor.
49:22 – There’s a growing trend by people in the running community to run barefoot. Seth read something that said “Your feet are in a prison – let them out.”
5:03 – Rumors in the parenting world are abuzz that screaming is the new spanking. Fewer and fewer parents are spanking their kids.
10:45 – The Blair LLC, a fine chenille women’s robe company, has had to recall several styles due to their tendency to light on fire when women are cooking.
41:54 – In an effort to force consumers toward buying more movies, major film studios are considering a new policy that make DVDs unavailable for rental until several weeks after going on sale.
50:13 – IwatchLA.org is a terrorist watch website started by the LAPD. If you see, hear or smell something suspicious, report it. It tells LA to narc out anything that might be terrorist, but just features testimonials of LA peeps.
51:39 – The Republican National Committee has unveiled their new website, GOP.com. Chairman Michael Steele said, “It’s not really a website, it’s a platform.” His blog on the website was called “What Up?” and now it’s called “Change The Game.” Steele also said “The internet’s been around a while now.”
55:57 – Seth read that in Huntsville, Ala., all the registered sex offenders must attend a mandatory meeting on Saturday night, Oct. 31, to be able to keep tabs on them while trick-or-treaters are out.
6:15 – Following rival CostCo, Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has begun selling caskets and urns on its website. Prices are lower than many funeral homes. Caskets ship within 48 hours. They range from the low-cost steel models, called “Mom Remembered” or “Dad Remembered” for about $1,000, to mid-range “Executive Privilege” caskets for about $1,700, to a bronze casket for $3,200.
9:53 – First DirecTV used in 2008 Craig T. Nelson to sell their programming package. The commercial showed a scene from the movie Poltergeist with Heather O’Rourke saying “They’re here.” She died at 12 years old. The new spots show David Spade in a wig playing his Tommy Boy character, and it features a dead Chris Farley.
14:42 – Twitter followers are going to engage in their very first “Twéance,” a séance using Twitter. A very famous medium will take Twitter questions for William Shakespeare, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain and Michael Jackson.
23:23 – BIG Cinemas, headquartered in Mumbai, India, currently has 18 movie theaters in the United States. They cater to the 2.5 million Indians living in the U.S., many in San Jose, Calif., and North Bergen, N.J. They serve Indian-esque concessions, including curry popcorn and mango lassis. A popular current film is the Tamil action thriller Aadhavan, starring hunk Surya Sivakumar, who is so popular that fans break out in applause when he appears on screen.
27:47 – According to a report by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, after surveying 7,000 people they’ve found that people who cheated on exams in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest as adults.
30:12 – Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been suspended and charged with animal cruelty. Four of the officers were in new and were in training to become canine handlers. The training officer was videotaped by the trainees masturbating his German Shepherd police dog. He was quoted as saying, “If you masturbate your canine unit, you will have greater control over it.”
34:53 – Jamie Aguirre, 42, was pulled over in Ohio for a routine traffic stop. When police looked in his car they found hundreds of x-rays. They found out that Aguirre is also a lab tech at a local imaging center and the x-rays were of womens’ mammograms and young girls’ knees and elbows. Police believe he was using the x-rays to masturbate to.
43:56 – Ohio officials were not having any luck with their new “Click It Or Ticket” slogan showing a driver and a passenger in the car with their seatbelts on. The state has a large Somalian refugee population and they didn’t understand the ticket because they have no government and the word “ticket” doesn’t mean anything. They altered the slogan with the Somali phrase underneath to try to convey the overall feeling and motivation of the ad. It now reads, “Strap It Or Lose Your Livestock.”
51:21 – Two Southern California high schools have been the first to draft dance contracts – binding agreements students must sign before they can step on the dance floor at high school dances. They state that there will be no sexually suggestive dancing – no freaking, no grinding, no straddling, no touching of the breasts and/or buttocks, no sexual bending, no cleavage exposure of undergarments and no excessive skin. If these rules are broken the students must leave and cannot attend future dances. “Freak patrols” will monitor the dancers and can even take pics and e-mail them to parents.
58:23 – Starbucks Via is a hit and is exceeding expectations, so they’re now going to introduce a decaffeinated version on November 17.
1:39 – Andre Agassi released an autobiography that has some curious details in it. He used crystal meth for about 1 ½ years in the late 90s. He went bald very young and his awesome hair was actually various hair pieces and wigs that he modeled together. He said he lost the 1990 French Open at the age of 20 because he was so preoccupied with the poorly glued hairpiece he and his brother made the night before. Before his marriage to Brooke Shields, she wanted him to lose some weight for the photos. For motivation, she put a picture of tennis player Steffi Graf on the refrigerator. Two years after he divorced Shields, he married Graf.
4:57 – According to Real Simple magazine, the number of days the flu virus can remain on a dollar bill is 17 days.
11:57 – A career clairvoyant with a sixth sense and a counseling background, Sue Frederick, a career intuitive and the author of I See Your Dream Job, available through St. Martin’s Press for $17, can predict your next career move and help you plan for it. A session with you will entail providing her with a birth name, DOB and current or most recent career title. She then meditates on these facts, has visions of the client’s possible career path and sometimes will have dreams where a client’s departed loved one will come and give her insight into what that living person’s new career should be. She’s helped an architect become a published author, a Wall Street banker start a food delivery business and a corporate lawyer switch to teaching.
14:08 – Two people, Keith King, 61, and Stacy King, 38, were arrested this week in Phoenix suspected of stealing more than 1,000 pieces of luggage from the baggage claim carousels at the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. Three weeks ago, police saw Keith King park his car, go into the ticketing area and take a bag that wasn’t his. He was released but police put him under surveillance. They followed him back to the airport, watched him take a back, followed him home and upon arriving one officer said, “The amount of luggage inside the residence was almost surreal.”
20:06 – Michelle Triola Marvin passed away this week. She was the ex-lover of Lee Marvin. They lived together and never got married, thus her lawyer added the phrase “palimony” into American culture when she filed a lawsuit for part of his estate. She was quoted during the trial, “If a man wants to leave his toothbrush at my house, he better bloody well marry me.”
23:31 – The Pentagon has teamed up with Taser International (Episode 075, 28:46; Episode 099, 28:07) to build a grenade launcher that would shoot electric shock projectiles from up to 150 feet away that could then incapacitate a perp for up to 3 minutes. It’s called the Hemi Human Electro Muscular Incapacitator.
39:05 – Analysis by Kayak.com, a leading travel search engine, says that the demand for plane tickets both on Sept. 11 and all Friday the 13ths is so low that prices are up to 14% lower on those days. This week there will be a Friday the 13th, so keep that in mind.
4:18 – Mangagement rings are being bought by women for their fiancés. They’re made of very masculine materials such as steel, tungsten and cobalt. They can cost anywhere from $300 to $1,000.
8:41 – According to a poll conducted by Consumer Reports, 36% of Americans plan on regifting this year as opposed to 31% in 2008 and 24% in 2007. Retailers are battling each other to attract limited dollars so we might have a “Cutthroat Christmas” with stores constantly trying to outdo each other.
9:58 – Wal-Marts are going to be keeping most of their U.S. locations open overnight on Thanksgiving. They’re going to stay open up to Black Friday morning to help ease the crowding and chaos that led to the trampling death of a store employee last year.
20:31 – Bullet makers are working around the clock seven days a week and still can’t keep up with the nation’s demand for ammunition. Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they’ve never seen anything like it. It’s called the Obama Effect. Gun enthusiasts have been stocking up on ammo, many of them 1,000 rounds per weapon. Many Wal-Marts are capping the sale to one box, which would be 50 rounds per customer.
23:54 – At any moment, about 20 million of the estimated 1 billion internet-connected PCs worldwide are infected with a virus so severe they can give hackers full control. Law enforcement officials in the U.S. are warning of cases where pedophiles deposit child porn videotapes on your home computer to remotely view later. Hackers can also make your computer itself view up to 40 child porn sites per minute.
28:43 – Arsenio Hall is denying rumors in the National Enquirer that he and Paula Abdul have rekindled their romance from 1989 and are seeing each other again. He claims they’re just very close friends. On this note Seth reads off other 1989 romances so we can imagine them together now at The Grove: Madonna & Sean Penn, George Clooney & Kelly Preston, Jennifer Gray & Johnny Depp and Corey Feldman & Drew Barrymore.
30:56 – Pam McLaurin, a 20-year veteran school teacher in East Texas, has refused to submit her fingerprints to be digitized and stored in a computer database, saying that she will have assumed what the book of Revelation calls “the mark of the beast.” She submitted verses from Rev. 13 and 14 that said she would be tormented with fire and sulphur in the presence of the holy angels and the lamb.
35:38 – Irene Villar is a 40-year-old literary agent who has just published a brutally frank new memoir called Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict. When she was 16 years old she met her first husband – a 50-year-old professor of Latin American Literature at Syracuse University. Over the course of their relationship, from age 16 to 33, she had 15 abortions.
52:55 – Starting this Wednesday, Best Buy will begin selling fitness equipment at 40 of its stores in the U.S. Said a spokesman, “We’re looking to find ways to fill the center of the store.” Seth assumes this is because there used to be enormous music sections, but not so much anymore.
55:56 – Jelly Belly Candy Company is recalling about 6,000 containers of its “49 Flavors” packages because they contain peanut butter flavored jelly beans, but the company didn’t list peanut butter or flour on the ingredients label.
1:25 – Final numbers were released by the USPS concerning the 2008 business year. Despite reducing the hours of over 40,000 postal workers, closing hundreds of outlets and eliminating many streetside mailboxes, they still managed to lose $3.8 billion - $1 billion more than the $2.8 billion they lost in 2007. 2009 looks to be the worst yet already at $1.77 billion.
5:14 – Farrah Fawcett’s will, dated August 2007. She’s left $4.5 million to her and Ryan O’Neal’s 24-year-old son, Redmond, who is currently living in a residential drug treatment center in Los Angeles. She left $100,000 to an ex-boyfriend and left nothing to Ryan O’Neal. Seth says this is what happens when you try to bone down with your daughter at Farrah’s funeral (Episode 178, 45:05). Jah recalls reading a term about them called “injustice collectors,” where great injustices were done to them throughout the course of their lives – because they always put themselves in situtations where that could happen.
8:00 – According to the last Rasmussen National Telephone Survey, 26% of employed adults polled said they have seriously considered that someone that they worked with was capable of mass violence. Seth wonders if he can use the phrase “go postal,” but Jah says not to do it unless you’re “a 40-year-old dong.” Jah says he sees someone daily who’s capable of mass violence.
21:06 – The Pontiac Silverdome in the suburbs of Detroit, Mich., has been out of use for a couple years now. It was the former home of the Lions and Pistons, was built in 1975 and cost $55 million. Elvis played there New Year’s Eve 1975. Led Zeppelin played for 76,000 people in April 1977. Wrestlemania III in March 1987 had 93,000 spectators. Pink Floyd performed Dark Side of the Moon there in its entirety in July 1994, and it was the first time they had played it since 1975. … It just sold to a Canadian real estate company for $583,000.
29:36 – Since 1954, letters from kids addressed to Santa Claus in the North Pole have been forwarded by the USPS to volunteers in the small Alaskan town of North Pole. Volunteers then reply to the letters signing them as Santa’s elves and helpers, as part of “Operation Santa.” This program has been stopped after a postal worker in Maryland discovered that one of the guys in the program was a registered sex offender. Jah thinks this might be one of the reasons the USPS is losing money.
38:35 – The sluttiest species in the Animal Kingdom: 1) The Garter Snakes – they form a giant writhing mass of up to 30,000 snakes in hopes that one of them close by will be female that they can bone down with; and 2) The Topi Antelope – female antelopes only breed one day per year, but on that day they will bone the entire dude with up to five other dudelopes.
41:08 – Larry Hagman and his wife Maj have listed their longtime mountaintop home in Ojai –a 43-acre spread befitting a Dallas oilman like J.R. Ewing – for $11 million. It’s a 9-bedroom, 14.5-bathroom Mediterranean style estate designed and built especially for the couple in 1992. It’s the country’s largest residential solar-power system, which provides energy for the main residents and caretaker’s home while also creating surplus power. When Hagman installed the system in 2003, his annual electric bill went from $37,000 a year to $13.
43:48 – In July 2008, the Apple Store carried 500 apps for the iPhone. In November of 2009, the store now has over 100,000. Seth thinks their manager Jordan has 21,000 apps. Jah thinks Dan of Kozy and Dan has the most of anyone he knows. Jah admits that the phone is so crafty, but if it were a better phone/texter he would be all over it. Although he is spooked out by so many people being on them and doing the same things at one time.
45:42 – Every website has a corresponding numerical address. The number of addresses is increasing at a number that noone was aware of, and it could run out of room by 2011. Decades ago when they had to come up with a figure of how many addresses they could need, they were throwing out arbitrary numbers like 4.3 billion, which was almost a joke, and now we’re almost there.
48:55 – The Oxford American Dictionary has named the word unfriend its 2009 Word of the Year: to remove someone as a friend on a social networking site. Other finalists for Word of the Year included intoxicated: when people are distracted by texting while driving; sexting, funemployed: people taking advantage of their newly unemployed status to have fun or pursue other interests; choice mom: a woman who chooses to be a single mother; ecotown: a town built and run on eco-friendly principles; deleb: a dead celebrity; tramp stamp; ARDY: the oldest known homynid discovered in Ethiopia in 1990 only announced this year; and teabagger: a person who protests Obama’s policies on taxes and stimuluses – a reference to the Boston Tea Party.
54:20 – 95 percent of Americans have received or bought gift cards. The Federal Reserve has proposed new rules that would help protect customers because as anyone has received one of these cards, concerns have been raised regarding a few things: expiration dates, service fees that reduce the value of the card, etc. One of the Fed’s new rules is that the gift cards wouldn’t expire until at least five years after the purchase date.
3:47 – According to the 2010 edition of the Farmer’s Almanac, there are roughly 670,000 U.S. houses that are without indoor plumbing. Jah compares this to Woodstock – not the one Seth was at (Episode 019, 6:00), which had about 2 million.
5:54 – Ball tapping is a disturbing new trend running rampant in Indiana schools. Ball tapping is the act of intentionally hitting or kicking a male in the genitals. A local TV station conducted a statewide survey of school nurses and the results are in that 43% of high school nurses from over 150 different schools surveyed said that they are keenly and intimately aware of ball tapping. Sixty-two percent of middle school nurses are aware of it. Jah hypothesizes that this is because your balls aren’t big enough to hurt in middle school.
8:28 – Jah understands that there are valid reasons for getting kicked in the balls, but kids today are doing it Jackass style and rupturing each other’s testicles.
19:42 – Los Angeles Clippers basketball announcer Ralph Lawler hasn’t missed a game in over 25 years until last week. He was suspended along with his partner/analyst Michael Smith, over an exchange they had at the very end of another embarrassing Clippers’ loss – this one to the Grizzlies in Memphis. Filling time in the final minute of the game, they began talking about 7-foot-2 Grizzlies’ center, Hamed Haddadi, the first Iranian in the NBA. The exchange: Smith: “Look who’s in.” Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?” Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation. Smith: “He’s the only one.” Lawler: “He’s from Iran?” Smith: “I guess so.” Lawler: “That Iran?” Smith: Yes. Lawler: “The real Iran?” Smith: “Yes.” Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi – that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.” Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?” Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.” Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.” Smith: “Especially the post players. Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”
21:35 – In a funny scheduling quirk, this weekend on the 29th the LA Clippers are going to host the Grizzlies at the Staples Center. Promoting Haddadi’s appearance throughout LA’s large Persian population with “Iranian Heritage Day,” which offers fans a chance to meet him before the game and get pictures and autographs of him. Jah thinks “KMIA” should stand for “Kiss My Iranian Ass.”
22:37 – Pamela Anderson told a British talk show host that she had to explain her and Tommy Lee’s sex tape to her two sons, Brandon (12) and Dylan (11), because she knew that their friends would watch the movie Borat when it came out on DVD in 2007. There’s a scene in the movie where Borat and some college dudes watch the tape together.
28:16 – A 39-year-old man was arrested at the Promenade at Westlake in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Jah has been there so much in hise life. He paid a local teenager $31 to spit in his face. He was charged with annoying a child. It’s a misdemeanor. He is apparently known to local teens as word has spread that “this guy will pay you to yell profanities and yell in his face.”
32:41 – Despite being more famous than any other judge at the criminal courthouse in Downtown LA, Judge Lance Ito’s courtroom is the hardest to find. Each courtroom is adorned with a placard at the door naming its presiding judge but Ito’s placard holder stays woefully empty. Since he became a household name more than a decade ago presiding over the O.J. Simpson murder trial, his placard has been stolen so many times that they don’t even replace it any more. Those looking for his courtroom now depend on the information officer in the lobby to get them there.
34:44 – A hot new trend is church crime. The Christian Security Network has tracked more than 1,000 “soft crimes” this year in nation’s unlocked churches.
43:41 – DNA Portraiting is a new technology where you can enter the world of unique personal art. 1) Order your complete DNA test kit, 2) Collect all cheek cell swabs, 3) Send them to the company, 4) Combine the entire family’s DNA into a single canvas, and 5) Hang it in your living room.
47:22 – Dimple surgery is hot. People are jealous of people with dimples, although dimples are a muscle defect. They can synthesize a kink like this with a “lunchtime procedure” taking 20 minutes or less. They cut the muscle inside the mouth, put in stitches, pull in the skin and twist it so it heals with dimples.
49:16 – Jackass 3 starts shooting early next year. It might be shot in 3D.
51:01 – According to the National Retail Federation, gift cards will again be the most requested present this holiday season. The most recent survey found that shoppers will spend on average $139.91 on gift cards, totaling about $23 billion.
1:28 – The Los Angeles Convention Center is hosting the L.A. Auto Show, where you can see the debuts of a lot of different automobiles. You can check out the Toyota Siena minivan, the Buick Regal sedan, the Ford Fiesta compact, the Hyundai Tucson SUV, the Kia Sorento and the Subaru Impreza Special Edition.
4:43 – 4,000 signatures were gathered in Denver, Colo., to place an initiative on the 2010 ballot to approve or deny a newly assembled extra terrestrial affairs commission. The job of the commission would be to “promote harmonious, peaceful, mutually respectful and beneficial coexistence between earthlings and possible space visitors.” It would be a seven-person panel.
5:50 – There was a slight mishap this season at the Beverly Center. They have a Hunky Santa and the Candy Cane girls he comes in toe with. Several hundred holiday shoppers watched in horror as one of the aerialists, suspended from the third level of the mall, fell to the floor with nothing to break her fall. She slipped while hanging upside down from a metal hoop and fell to the center of the mall. She broke her pelvis and her wrist. Seth says this occurred so close to the elevator he saw Tupac Shakur in (Episode 095, 23:25).
12:00 – Cosmopolitan magazine printed a handy guide for their female readers on how to avoid getting the swine flu. One of the things they suggest is reverse cowgirl as the safest sexual position because your nose and mouth will be furthest away from the sexual partner.
12:57 – The Royal Caribbean Oasis of the Seas cruise ship is crazy. It has 15 stories, a central park, a tattoo parlor, etc.
13:20 – Jah reveals that they tried to make a Little Amsterdam in Vegas, a gigantic project where prostitution and weed were going to be legal in a certain sector of the city.
13:47 – Some wrappers of Tootsie pops have “Indian stars,” images of a Native American child aiming a bow and arrow at a star. The urban legend was that if you got one of those wrappers, it was redeemable for free candy. Jah wonders if this is a “night latte” ruse (Episode 001, 42:38; Episode 025, 26:00).
19:50 – Schwan’s, a home service frozen food company that has been around for a very long time, got together with Top Chef and is now selling meals that the contestants cooked on the show. Jah wishes they’d get together with Iron Chef.
31:14 – Super Bowl XLIV is Feb. 7, 2010 at Dolphin Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fla. The Who will play at halftime.
37:45 – According to LiveScience.com, our brains appear to be shrinking. They have a 10-part series on the evolution and future of the human brain. Using comprehensive scans of the human genome and skull measurements over the last 5,000 years, researchers conclude that the human brain has shrunk about 10%. As to why it is shrinking, perhaps it is in big current society as opposed to hunter-gatherer lifestyles that we can rely on other people for things and maybe don’t need our brains as much as we used to.
39:44 – Paul Frommer, a linguistic specialist and professor at USC, created an entire functioning language for the tribe of 10-foot-tall blue aliens who inhabit Pandora in James Cameron’s Avatar. Frommer has spent years and wants to spend more laboring on the language of the Na’vi tribe, which has over 1,000 words plus rules and structures of the language. He hopes it will be learned by other fans and then spoken to be kept alive.
42:40 – 27-year-old Jason Zacchi pulled up to a drive-through of a Dearborn Heights, Mich., Wendy’s with a sawed-off shotgun. His girlfriend was driving the getaway car. Everyone was screaming, the manager comes over to hear the commotion and see what’s going on, shouts “What the hell are you doing?!” because it’s her son holding up the joint.
44:07 – The final statements of all 446 men and women executed in Texas revealed that the most-mentioned words were “Jesus” and “Mom,” (86 times), while “Dad” wasn’t really mentioned at all. “Warden” was used 74 times, “Pray” was used 80 times, “Kill” was used 69 times, “Life” was used 126 times, “The Lord” was used 130 times. The word “Love” was used most-often at 630 times.
50:22 – Candy Spelling, the widow of legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling, has had her home on the LA real estate market for the last eight months. It’s 56,500 square feet – the largest residence in the country. It’s listed at $150 million and is known as “The Manor” or “Candy Land” by others. It has a bowling alley, a flower-cutting room, gift-wrapping room, wine cellar, barber shop, koi ponds, tennis court, swimming pool, 100-car motor court. They don’t know how many rooms it has because no one’s actually counted but it’s at least 100. She downsized and bought the top two floors of a brand-new condo in Century City for $47 million.
52:50 – A man who claimed to hate Christmas shoved a Salvation Army bell ringer to the ground and swiped one of the charity’s red kettles stuffed with $100s of dollars. The bell ringer, a woman, tried to pull the kettle away from the man Saturday evening, but he said, “I can’t stand you and your bell ringing. I hate Christmas.” Police said the man tossed the kettle into a stolen pickup truck and then sped away. An empty kettle was found a day later. Police arrested Shawn Kreiger of Toledo a day later and charged him with robbery. They had not recovered the money, but the charity estimated it held between $500-700.
53:54 – Michael Plank, 40, was detained at LAX by U.S. Custom agents after they discovered 15 live lizards stuffed in his fanny pack. He was returning from Australia, where U.S. Fish and Wildlife service agents found two geckos, 11 skinks and 2 lizards strapped around in his torso.
56:41 – Many women in their 30s are paying up to $10,000 to have their eggs frozen while they are still vibrant and healthy. They are single and would like to have a biological child with a future mate.
8:13 – The Sun-Maid Raisin Girl has gotten a bit of a makeover for the new decade – like Denise Richards with a bonnet. Sun-Maid president Barry Kriebel said “The new girl might be given a name and even featured in future advertisements doing things that modern women typically do.”
17:11 – UYD often talks about the sexual politics between man and woman and how intricate that can be as that plays itself out in this modern world. In the midst of the Tiger Woods scandal, there’s a lot of talk about texting being “the new lipstick on the collar.” This can leave behind a “trail of cyber breadcrumbs.”
21:04 – John Gribbin’s book “Get A Grip on Physics” was ranked #396,224th on the Amazon charts last week. One day after appearing in photographs released by the Florida police in Tiger Woods’ Escalade, the book jumped to 2,268th.
26:32 – Extreme composting is a hot new trend for city dwellers. “Nutrient loopers” is also one of the terms being used. They use a bucket, put sawdust on it for smell, use no water, and within a year it is filled with fertilizer with nitrogen and no pathogens off of human waste.
29:38 – More than 350 U.S. colleges and universities have complete bans on tobacco use.
31:41 – Opening next summer in the Hollywood and Highland Shopping Complex, the next step in large-scale restaurant/nightclub destination venues: Rolling Stone.
34:31 – 57-year-old Jesus Leonardo is a “stooper,” someone who picks up discarded tickets at off-track betting parlors. Stoopers are the gleaners of the racetrack world because they date back to the early 1930s and are tolerated under unwritten code. He’s married and has two teenagers and says he’s made roughly over 45,000 over the last decade from picking up old discarded betting stubs.
44:14 – Seth heard a 911 call from a woman where her husband was at work and a lunatic was trying to break down her door. She was terrified and said “I have a shotgun. I don’t want to kill this guy. What do I do?” Dispatch told her she could kill him if she had to. She says “He’s about to come in.” Then goes, “Ma’am, I don’t want to kill him but I will kill him graveyard dead if I have to.” Then you just hear the shot and he’s dead.
47:36 – At Searchology, an event at Google headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., devoted to showing off advances, unveiled an app called “Skymap,” using a smart phone’s GPS capability, compass and accelerometer to draw real-time maps of the galaxy and stars and take into account exactly where the users are standing and what direction they’re facing. You can rotate the phone until a red target circle on the screen finds the constellation and locks it up.
49:37 – Fox News conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, drawing on his giant chalkboard, has been going on about an old right-wing battle – the cry of the “3G” system, “God, Gold and Guns.”
4:49 – Michelle Duggar (Episode 064, 27:10; Episode 117, 5:25; from TLC’s 18 Kids and Counting made it 19 and counting this week. Seth thinks that lower region of the human body can’t withstand that many kids. They say they’re going to continue to have kids as long as Michelle is willing to have them. Seth thinks they’ll top out at 24 kids.
7:34 – The Nobel Peace Prize concert was held in conjunction with Barack Obama receiving the award. Will and Jada Smith were the hosts. Toby Keith was one of the artists performing, but the committee was not down with him being there, citing his song “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue – Angry American.” During the concert, Will Smith was on stage singing “Rapper’s Delight” and having a great time. Kobe Teeth gets up there and tries to hang with Big Will, then throws in his own verse about “… I am lightning Will, and I’d like to say hello to the black, to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow!” As he says the word “yellow,” Kobe Teeth holds his hands up to his face and makes slanty eyes.
11:18 – Published on Nov. 1, 1998 by Angus J. Kennedy – “The Rough Guide to the Internet (You Need This Book)” says on the first page, “OK, what’s this internet good for?” The book then asks a few other questions: “Is there a lot of weird stuff on the net?” … “But isn’t it just another male-dominated bastion?” … “What’s electronic mail again?” … “So is this the information superhighway?”
13:57 – 17-year-old Martin Guerrero was arrested at his Dallas high school after his art teacher went over to check his desk and the art project he had been working on. When she got to his seat, he pulled up his shirt to show that he was feverishly masturbating. He then yelled “Aye, mami!” and proceeded to jerk off in front of 30 students.
15:41 – Barnes & Noble decided to shut down their small B. Dalton bookstores in Laredo, Texas next month. The city’s 253,000 residents will now have to drive 150 miles to the Barnes & Noble in San Antonio.
26:07 – TIME magazine’s Person of the Year is Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke, and Seth thinks that anyone associated with money should not deserve this honor, especially when someone named Sully Sullenberger did the most awesome thing ever on Jan. 15, 2009 by saving the lives of passengers on Flight 1549.
28:42 – Customized Christmas trees come in yellow, pink, orange, blue and purple colors. Jah wants a Rasta Christmas tree. He also wants an 8-tree menorah where you light a different one on fire for each day of Hannukah.
29:34 – The National Eye Institute says that nearsightedness in Americans has increased 66 percent since the 1970s. Optometrists believe the increased use of computers and cell phones and much more time indoors are the cause of this. Jah’s dad wears reading glasses and he wonders if he’ll need to do that eventually. Seth thinks Jah will have 20/20 vision forever.
32:37 – MTV has launched a new campaign to halt the spread of sexting called “The Thin Line.” It features a girl talking about how it’s not a big deal if her boyfriend loves her and keeps it on his phone. Then the phrase pops up, “There’s a thin line between him and the whole school.”
42:03 – According to the National Retail Federation, as of the first week of December, 42 million people have not even started their holiday shopping, while 20 million people had already finished.
43:31 – Is your doctor up to date? Every day brings new medical advances, breakthroughs and understandings that make doctors have to constantly read studies. Evidence-based medicine is the idea that doctors understand all the latest news and scientific research. A growing problem is older doctors only using their knowledge from medical school and mis-diagnosing things. Seth doesn’t have a doctor, and he might be the healthiest person Jonathan knows. The healthiest people he knows don’t go to doctors. Seth says Jah has a lot of doctors, and Jah tells him to stop doing that because it makes him sound crazy to listeners.
53:36 – Space tourism company Virgin Galactic has hired British synth pop group Spandau Ballet to be its on-ship entertainment when the company begins launching customers into sub-orbit in 2012. Spaceship II will achieve roughly 5 minutes of zero gravity. The spaceship will hold you, 2 pilots and the 5 members of the group. If Jah and Seth had this offered to them for free, Seth wouldn’t go – he would give his seat to a UYD listener in a raffle. Jah wonders why Seth wouldn’t do it because Seth rides on airplanes, but Seth says he doesn’t do it willingly.
11:44 – PepsiCo will not run any commercials during this year’s Super Bowl for the first time in 23 years. A 30-second spot this year will cost about $3 million. Jah thinks this is because they already jacked the president’s logo so maybe they don’t need to do this. He also wonders if there will be no Bud Bowl held this year.
30:12 – Last Friday, Tiger Woods appeared on the cover of the New York Post for the 20th consecutive day, beating out the previously longest running story on the front page: 9/11.Jah says the Tiger Woods thing is funny because it has a staying power to it unlike so many of these stories that have been coming up lately. It has a perfect storm, wildfire aspect to it. The people Jah talks to on a regular basis don’t give a shit about any of the other major news stories, and now they’re all chiming in on this one incident. Jah says most things mentioned on UYD don’t have any life to them, but this one does.
38:35 – A 23-year-old man who was selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door in the Winnetka, Los Angeles, area, has been arrested after he attacked and tried to sexually assault a woman who changed her mind about buying a magazine subscription. He’s being held on $5.6 million bail. He’s a Texas native who is part of a subscription crew from out of state. Such organizations have been drawing increased scrutiny from local LA police departments. At 11:30 a.m. he knocked on her door, she agreed to buy a magazine, when she went to get the money he waited on the sidewalk. When she returned she told him she changed her mind, he kicked down her door, forced his way into the home and beat her up. While trying to assault her, she fought him off before he eventually fled the home. Criminals are increasingly joining these crews so they can case neighborhoods and homes and pocket sales from the subscription sales.
41:24 – America’s Best Dance Crew judge Shane Sparks was arrested on suspicion of felony child molestation in Los Angeles this week. North Hollywood police have taken him into custody and charged him with multiple lewd acts on a child dating back to 1994, when the girl was 12 years old.
44:23 – Following Pontiac and Saturn, carmaker Saab is days away from shutting down. Aero Trucking shut down operations this week and didn’t tell their drivers they were being laid off. Instead they just canceled all the gas cards their long-haul drivers had, leaving 200 employees stranded all over the country. A message on Arrow’s website told truckers to turn in their rigs at the nearest dealer and to call a hotline to get a bus ticket back home.
54:29 – An internet security firm released the top search terms for kids in 2009. Tweens and teens searched these 5 the most: 1) YouTube, 2) Google, 3) Facebook, 4) Sex, and 5) Porn.
5:31 – According to the New York Post, two Washington Wizards basketball players, 27-year-old Gilbert Arenas, and 22-year-old Javaris Crittenton, pulled guns on each other in their locker room at the Verizon Center over a supposed gambling debt.
6:58 – The CDC is investigating a woman who was diagnosed with a rare gastrointestinal anthrax case. This may have occurred when she swallowed spores propelled into the air during a vigorous drum circle.
11:25 – There’s a rumor that the Avatar DVD release will contain an extended and detailed Na’vi sex scene. Jah hopes it’s Michele Rodriguez and Sigourney Weaver wearing a Stanford half-tank.
17:23 – PETA has named Tim Gunn and Ellen DeGeneres Man & Woman of the Year
18:39 – Construction continues at Ground Zero in Lower Manhattan at the new World Trade Center site. To accommodate all of the workers and to keep them from having to go down to street level to eat food, Subway has made a makeshift store in a huge shipping container that will now hang in the air, suspended from a giant crane, floor-by-floor as they work their way up the building, roughly 105 stories, by December 2011.
22:51 – New laws entering into the books: 1) In Illinois, drivers will no longer be able to text or e-mail while driving; 2) In Texas, teens will need two parents’ permissions for indoor tanning; 3) In California, it will be a misdemeanor for a person to sell or furnish products containing nitrous oxide to a minor.
28:00 – Police get a phone call at 4 a.m. about a loud radio being played at an apartment in Orange County. They send over a patrol car to the place of a man called Bayron Reyes Lopez, whose neighbors said he’s already jumped out of a third-story window to get away from police. He resurfaced a couple hours later, walked up to a woman walking her miniature schnauzer and picked it up and strangled and beat the dog in front of the woman. He then fled on foot to a nearby tennis club where he works as a maintenance man. Fellow employees said they saw him “run around naked.” When police got to the scene, he was lying on a tennis court pouring hot coffee over himself. One of the officers said, “He may have been under the influence of drugs.”
35:55 – Seth talked a lot of shit about Ben Bernanke being TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year (Episode 197, 26:07), but was also alterted by an astute young female listener that there are pictures of his office in the article, showing a mini fridge fully stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Mt. Dew, so hie is back in good graces with Seth.
36:49 – The Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet: “Resolutions are so 2009. We don’t do plain old resolutions here at Taco Bell. We do Frescolutions.”
40:25 – President Obama has signed an executive order that puts the USPS in charge of delivering whatever drugs America would need in case of a large-scale biological weapons attack.
48:12 – DirecTV is said to be announcing at next week’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas the very first 3DHD TV channel. They’re planning on bringing it out this year. It will require people to purchase a new 3D-compatible HDTV, 3D glasses and soon-to-be unveiled HDMI 1.4 adapters. DirecTV boxes will receive a firmware upgrade, so there’s no need to update them.
3:53 – Seth lists off the 2010 AVN Award nominees
9:51 – Brothel owner Bobbi Davis got a big go-ahead this week to hire male prostitutes at her Shady Lady Ranch. It will be Nevada’s very-first legal male sex outpost. Davis and her husband Jim operate their small brothel, which is about 150 miles northwest of Las Vegas, and have received over 100 applications. Heidi Fleiss’ Stud Far (Episode 039, 23:35) never opened in Pahrump, Nev., in 2005. George Flint, who is a longtime lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Association, yelled, “This is the first time in the history of the world that men have been licensed to sell sex. It’s never been done!”
17:26 – The Dallas Cowboys’ old stadium, Texas Stadium, which they used from 1971-2008 before moving into their billion-dollar palace, will be demolished sometime between March 14 and April 18 in Irving, Texas, outside of Dallas. Kraft Foods has paid the city of Irving $75,000 to be the official sponsor of the demolition, calling it the “Cheddar Explosion.” The winner of the Kid’s Essay contest, held by Kraft, will get to push the button to start the implosion. Seth wishes he could be the one to push the button.
18:55 – Frozen pizzas are selling at an all-time high in supermarkets. Market research firms say frozen pizza is a gold mine. We have generations that either don’t like to cook or can’t. They like to heat, then eat. The convenience, coupled with the low price, saw sales go from $3.1 billion in 2000 to $4.4 billion in 2009. The No. 1 seller is Kraft Foods’ DiGiorno’s.
24:29 – One of the questions on the United States Census, which will go out to Americans in March of 2010, is “What is person’s race?” You can check/mark one or more boxes. One of the boxes – White, another – American-Indian or Alaskan Native (Please specify tribe), or another that reads – Black, African-American or Negro.
32:27 – Starbucks has decided to add paninis and low-calorie snacks to their menu (Episode 111, 27:04). Baristas have been informed by bosses to start persuading all customers to buy some food along with their coffee.
35:52 – There is an article in this week’s food section of Newsweek that claims that eating meat has become all the rage with vegetarians. The latest cookbook by Mollie Katzen, has a recipe for beef stew. She was a vegetarian for 30 years but is eating meat again because everyone’s responding to the new breed of sustainably raised farm animals.
38:26 – LA Gang Tours – the ultimate urban experience. Opening this week, the tour gives tourist a two-hour ride for $65 per person into the cradle of America’s gang culture. Stops include LA County Jail, the LA Riverbed, Skid Row, Florence and Normandy,a nd the birthplaces of the Crips, Bloods and the Florencia 13.
50:37 – NBA Commissioner David Stern was taking a “wait and see” type attitude regarding reports of guns in the Washington Wizards locker room. Tensions were high with the team formerly known as the Bullets, as Gilbert Arenas finally admitted to, if not exactly pulling a gun on teammates, having four unloaded guns in his locker. As D.C. police began their investigation into the unlicensed or registered firearms, Arenas, before a game in Philly, pretended to shoot his teammates during warm-ups. This act prompted an immediate, indefinite suspension by Stern that will cost Arenas roughly $150,000 for each game he misses.
1:00:40 – Jah says he obsesses on dying, and talks about how we worry about dying alone. In sunny LA County, if you die with no heirs and no will, all your belongings will more than likely end up at the LA County Estate Auction in the City of Industry. Typically held on the second Saturday of the month in a 122,000 square foot warehouse, county employees and private auctioneers break open crates, divide up the contents and sell them all day. Proceeds pay for burial expenses and other costs. Whatever is left goes to the state of California.
1:28 – The National Institute of Health has a program for rare, impossible to diagnose medical mysteries. It’s called the “Undiagnosed Disease Program,” or UDP. The program accepts 5 patients a week, all expenses are covered, they are given a comprehensive battery of tests, while 62 experts from all disciplines of medicine hope of getting to the bottom of the mysteries.
8:41 – At the Adult Entertainment Expo held in Las Vegas in conjunction with the AVN Awards (Episode 200, 3:53) last weekend, Roxxxy, the world’s first sex robot, was unveiled. (Jah asks Seth if he would hit it; Seth says no but Jah says yes.) Created by a former artificial intelligence scientist at Dell Labs, in response to losing a friend in Tower 1 of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Roxxxy is 5’7”, 120 pounds, took nine years to complete and will cost roughly $9,000 plus a subscription fee – because you’re getting 24/7, 365 tech service. You fill out an online form to match your personality to hers – that becomes her true personality. If you want to mix it up on weekends, she can be programmed with five other types. All speak differently in voice and have different vocabularies – S&M Susan, Wild Wendy, Mature Martha, Frigid Farrah, and a spunky 18-year-old. By touching her hand she responds. You can control the volume of her voice. She’s completely customized with full artificial intelligence. You order her hair color, skin tone, bust size – she’s a “dream companion with a dream personality.” From the man that designed her: “She has three inputs, if you know what I mean.” You can share her with other guys on the online community that have their own dolls, then ship them to one another and fuck them. The next version will contain a safe word (“marshmallow”). Also available is the male verson, Rocky.
17:37 – A Beverly Hills company is building a $1 billion cruise ship called The Utopia. It will sell half of the cabins as permanent residencies. They will cost anywhere between $4 million and $26 million. The ship will sail around the world and will drop anchor in south France during the Cannes Film Festival, in Rio De Janeiro during Carnivale, in Sydney Harbor, Australia for New Year’s and Monaco for the Grand Prix car race. The cabins, or condos, will have hardwood floors, fireplaces, marble countertops, recessed lighting, and all the owners will have access to all the ship’s amenities.
21:55 – Police across Southern California are warning people about “follow away burglaries.” They’re burglaries that occur when thieves stake out an Apple Store, wait for people to buy a new computer and then follow you home.
48:31 – Regina Benjamin was named the 18th Surgeon General. She’s just a smalltown doctor from Alabama. The concern is that she’s overweight in these health-conscious times. Because of her appointment she’s now wearing a naval L. Ron Hubbard jacket.
1:00:37 – Republican S.C. congressman J. Gresham Barrett announced he will introduce legislation that would require the immediate deportation of all Iranians living in the United States. It would affect more than 1 million Iranians.
1:07 – TYCO bought Brinks, which is now Broadview, but TYCO owns ADT – so is Broadview now ADT?
7:54 – A Michigan defense contractor has been stamping references to Bible verses on combat rifle sights used by American soldiers in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The company says it has been a longstanding company practice to embed the scripture citations next to the model’s number. They are subtle and appear in raised lettering at the end of the model number. For example, Model #JN812, a reference to John 8:12, reads, “I am the light of the world.”
24:13 – The Chubb Group Insurance Co., based in Warren, N.J., is the world’s third-largest underwriter of a burgeoning new market in the insurance game – K&R insurance (Kidnapping and Ransom). Hundreds of Americans are kidnapped each year while traveling this fucked-up world. Premiums can run into the thousands – even a low-end policy, which would pay up to $1 million – can cost someone $1,000 a year. If anything was to happen, the Chubb Group would send out a K&R consultant, who would be dispatched in the event of a kidnapping to do full security detail, negotiate with kidnappers if need be and deliver the ransom. Hotspots (or places you should avoid) are Brazil, Mexico, India, the Phillippines, Venezuela
36:03 – The All-American Basketball Alliance would like to start its inaugural season this summer with a 12-team lineup composed of white, American-born men – natural-born U.S. citizens with both parents of Caucasian race. The league hopes to have 12 teams in Southern cities. Their commissioner said they wouldn’t play “street ball” of people of color. He said, “Fans don’t want to worry about players attacking them in the stands and grabbing their crotches.”
39:23 – The Advocate – the nation’s oldest LGBT publication – has named Atlanta the country’s gayest city.
41:44 – The top 5 most stolen cars of 2009: 5) ’04 Dodge Ram pickup – 17,405; 4) ’97 Ford F-150 pickup – 17,416; 3) ’89 Toyota Camry – 26,000; 2) ’95 Honda Civic – 48,000; 1) ’94 Honda Accord – 55,170.
49:23 – Communist China’s state-run movie distributor, China Film Group, unexpectedly began pulling Avatar from over 1,600 2D screens and replacing it with a biography of ancient philosopher Confucius. Propaganda officials are concerned that Avatar is taking too much market share from Chinese films and drawing unwanted attention to the concept of forced evictions. Apparently millions of Chinese have been uprooted to make way for high rises and government projects. In Avatar, human colonists try to demolish the village of an alien race to obtain a precious energy source buried under it.
52:29 – Chrysler spent $100,000 to take a full-page ad out in the Wall Street Journal to thank the American taxpayer for the government bailout of the U.S. auto industry. The printed ad statement reads: THANK YOU AMERICA FOR INVESTING IN THE COMPANY WITH A LOAN OF $4 BILLION TO HELP BRIDGE THE CURRENT FINANCIAL CRISIS. The photo says “Thank you America” with smiling Chrysler employees.
3:26 – Candeo: Hope, Help, Heal – to overcome porn addiction, sex addiction and masturbation addiction. For anyone struggling with PA or MA, Candeo can provide powerful, anonymous online training program to help individuals recover.
6:40 – When Joz Wang and her brother bought their mom a Nikon Coolpix S360 digital camera with face detection intelligent technology for Mother’s Day last year, they discovered what seemed to be a malfunction in the camera. Every time they took a photograph of each other smiling, a message flashed across the screen asking, DID SOMEONE BLINK? They hadn’t. Her brother then posed with his eyes super wide open, or bug eyed, and the message then stopped. The camera, made by a Japanese company, can’t recognize Asian eyes.
22:47 – The old animatronic King Kong at Universal Studios burned down in a fire almost two years ago. Peter Jackson has led a team of digital experts to create a new theme park attraction that will open this summer and feature the next generation of King Kong in full 3D. He’ll jump over the guests at the backlot tour and you’ll smell his banana breath.
30:12 – Blippy.com is a website that discusses “What are your friends buying?” They’re calling it the Twitter of personal finance. You allow all your credit and debit purchases to be immediately posted on the site – where and what and how much you spent will go up. You can sign up for an invitation on the site and it will open up within the next couple months.
36:11 – Researchers at UC-San Diego have developed a baby robot named Diego San. It’s a robot with a tiny metal body and a gigantic baby doll’s head.
37:23 – The BK Whopper Bar in South Beach will open up mid-February and will be the first major fast food company to sell beer at its location. $7.99 will get you a Bud or a Bud Light and a Whopper.
47:16 – Seth refers to an article in the Los Angeles Times from December 2004 about a home developer in Huntington Beach who had a new set of model homes with a Mediterranean theme and they needed a name for it – they named it Alcala, which is a bustling university town in Madrid. Before people moved into the model home, there was a break-in and the police officer went out there and saw the street, Alcala Drive. He had been a cop there forever, and 25 years ago a girl close to there was kidnapped and murdered, and the man who was accused was Rodney Alcala. The developers changed the name. This creepy dude who is still on trial for kidnapping and rape, was featured in the LA Weekly this week from when he was on The Dating Game in 1978 before she was kidnapped in 1979. He was Bachelor #1 and the lady picked him, but he was too creepy for her to actually go out with. She asked him, “Bachelor #1, what’s the best time of day?” Answer: “Nighttime is the best time.” Question: “I’m a drama teacher. You’re a dirty old man. Talk to me like a dirty old man.” Answer: “Come over here and take it. Take it.” Q: “I’m serving you for dinner. What are you?” A: “I’m a banana and I look good. Come and peel me.” She goes, “Well I love bananas, I’ll take Bachelor #1.”
53:01 – There is a second pregnant dude, Scott Moore. The first was Thomas Beatie (Episode 110, 22:08). Scott still looks like a dude but has female parts. Scott’s partner, Thomas (unrelated), got the complete sex change. Scott’s baby boy is going to be Miles. He’s going to join his two brothers, 10-year-old Logan and 12-year-old Greg, the sons of Thomas from a previous relationship when he was a dude from a woman who has since passed away.
2:58 – Cablevision, a company that bought Long Island newspaper Newsday in 2008. They began charging $5 per week after buying the newspaper for access to the newspaper’s website, newsday.com. That comes out to $260 per year. The number of new subscribers since October is 35.
13:17 – The NKOTB second annual Carnival Cruise will set sail from Miami to the Bahamas from May 14-17. Price per person ranges from $849/person to $2,400/person. All cruise passengers will receive a NKOTB Welcome Cocktail Party, concert performance on the Lido Deck, photo session, Q&A, deck party with DJs, beach party with DJs, karaoke and gift bag. Over 2,000 people will be on board.
15:56 – Crazy Super Bowl prop bets: an entire section dedicated to Kim Kardashian – how many times will CBS show her in the telecast? Over/under is 2.5. … If the Saints to win, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian will be engaged by July 31. … What color top will she be wearing – white, black or another color? … The Kardashian Prop is Reggie Bush’s total rushing yards vs. Lamar Odom’s (Khloe’s husband) combined points, rebounds and assists during the Lakers’ two games before and after the Super Bowl.
26:06 – PETA wants to replace Punxatawney Phil with an electric groundhog.
50:14 – The nation’s two biggest lotteries – Powerball and Mega Millions have added new states into the mix – moving the U.S. one step closer to having a national lottery. Powerball is in 43 states; Mega Millions is in 45 states. The biggest Mega Millions drawing took place on March 6, 2007. There was one ticket winner sold in New Jersey and one sold in Georgia – the jackpot was $390 million. The biggest Powerball occurred on Feb. 18, 2006. Only one ticket was sold but it was split between 8 co-workers at a Nebraska meat processing plant. The 8 co-workers split $365 million.
52:30 – Expedia.com has teamed up with seatguru.com – part of the TripAdvisor media network – to offer internet reviews of specific airline seats that customers are thinking about booking. The service will survey travelers on such considerations as leg room, seat recline, noise level, etc. One review warned against taking any of the 6 seats in Row 26 of the Airbus A320, saying that the proximity to the bathroom was bothersome and unacceptable. Meanwhile, the seats on Row 11 have extra leg room due to an adjacent emergency exit.
55:01 – failin.gs is a website in beta that uses the motto “Don’t worry, nobody’s perfect.” If you ever want to know what people really think about you, create a profile and invite anyone to leave anonymous, constructive criticism for you.
1:28 – Precycling is reducing waste by limiting your consumption – being thoughtful at both the point of purchase and point of refuse
7:05 – Walgreen’s plans to begin offering fresh foods and prepared meals at its more than 7,000 stores. The drug store chain wants to create branded products for what they call “tonight’s meal” to draw in time-starved shoppers.
11:22 – Jimi Hendrix released only 3 studio albums before his death in 1970. On March 9, Sony Music and the Jimi Hendrix Estate – named “Experience Hendrix,” based in Seattle and worth around $80 million – will release a new Hendrix album called Valleys of Neptune. It will feature a dozen unreleased recordings that Hendrix was working on or had completed by the end of his life.
16:40 – Therapists are reporting a rise in domestic disputes over environmental issues. Going green is causing some couples to go eco insane. The problem usually arises from a disparity level in the commitment between the couples going green.
19:51 – Los Angeles County’s 5-year-old “Gifts for Guns” weapon exchange program collected 5,337 guns in 2009, including 144 assault-style rifles. The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department handed out half a million gift cards to Ralph’s and Target. One man rolled up to an exchange in Compton in a SUV. He was dressed in a sweatshirt and jeans and handed over 58 guns. He brushed off a Los Angeles Times reporter, collected several thousand dollars in gift cards and peaced out.
23:09 – Seth reads some court documents filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Nov. 8, 1996: The PLAINTIFF Catherine Sheehan vs. The DEFENDANT Jack Nicholson. All events herein described occurred on Oct. 12, 1996 at the residence of Mr. Nicholson on Mulholland Drive. At or about 3 a.m. during a telephone conversation Mr. Nicholson invited PLAINTIFF to his residence. At or about 4 a.m. PLAINTIFF telephoned Nicholson, inquired whether she could bring along a woman friend when she came to the residence. During this telephone call, Nicholson, having told PLAINTIFF that she could bring along her friend, informed PLAINTIFF that he wanted them to wear little black dresses with no stockings. Having donned the requested black dresses, PLAINTIFF and her friend drove to the residence, calling Nicholson from the vehicle to inform him they were on their way. When they arrived at the residence, PLAINTIFF and her friend were greeted at the door by Nicholson, who after offering them a drink invited PLAINTIFF and her friend upstairs to the bedroom. At or about this time, PLAINTIFF confirmed with Nicholson that both she and her friend would receive the sum of $1,000 each for the performance of sexual acts with Nicholson. Nicholson reaffirmed this agreement to pay each of the women the said sum and indicated that he would “take care of it later.” At said residence, PLAINTIFF and PLAINTIFF’s friend did perform sexual acts with Nicholson. At some point in time during the course of sexual acts between Nicholson and PLAINTIFF, PLAINTIFF’s friend left the bedroom. At or about 7 a.m., PLAINTIFF, observing that Nicholson was fatigued, asked him to “take care of her and her friend” as promised and give them the agreed-upon amount of $1,000 each. In response to PLAINTIFF’s request, Nicholson became loud and abusive, demanding to know what the fuck PLAINTIFF was talking about, stating that he had never paid anyone for sex as he could get anyone he wanted as a sexual partner. PLAINTIFF informed Nicholson that she knew he had paid others to perform sexual acts with him and attempted to use the telephone to request help from a friend who was acquainted with Nicholson. At this point Nicholson became increasingly angry. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone, Nicholson pushed and attempted to grab PLAINTIFF, and his voice became increasingly raised and his demeanor more and more violent. This frightened PLAINTIFF. Believing that having the mutual acquaintance speak to him would calm Nicholson, PLAINTIFF did manage to make the telephone call when Nicholson was distracted by the return of the other woman who had stepped out of the bedroom. After explaining to the individual whose number she had called that Nicholson was refusing to pay her the promised sum of money and was becoming enraged, PLAINTIFF was told by the individual on the phone to leave the residence immediately. Nicholson then demanded that PLAINTIFF empty her purse. PLAINTIFF did so, allowing Nicholson to determine that she had not taken any of his possessions. PLAINTIFF, fearful of harm to herself, continued on her way to the exit, intending to leave as soon as possible. PLAINTIFF implored Nicholson to remain calm. Nicholson then forcefully grabbed PLAINTIFF by the hair and violently pounded her head several times on the floor. Nicholson released PLAINTIFF and as she once again attempted to calm him and leave as quickly as possible, he pushed PLAINTIFF down a flight of stairs. Nicholson then demanded that the other woman empty her purse, and after she had done so, PLAINTIFF asked the other woman to put on her clothes so they could leave immediately. In an attempt to get away from Nicholson, PLAINTIFF walked away; however, Nicholson went after her, yelling and screaming at PLAINTIFF to leave. He grabbed her again, repeatedly hit and struck her above the head and torso and physically shoved her in a chair. PLAINTIFF, terrified for her physical safety and unable to leave as her friend remained in a state of undressed, reached for a telephone to call for help. When PLAINTIFF attempted to use the telephone to call police, Nicholson threatened PLAINTIFF with a raised arm and clenched fist. He was enraged and yelled that he would give the PLAINTIFF a reason to call the police. Nicholson further threatened to throw the PLAINTIFF over Mulholland Drive and then told PLAINTIFF he would call the police himself. These threats terrified PLAINTIFF, who feared even more physical violence upon her person by Nicholson. PLAINTIFF, frightened and in physical pain, pleaded with Nicholson to let her leave. In answer to her plea, Nicholson physically took hold of the PLAINTIFF and violently threw her out of his residence. PLAINTIFF’s friend was still at the door, asking Nicholson to allow her to retrieve her personal items that she had left at the residence. In an attempt to quickly depart, PLAINTIFF went up to the door and asked her friend to please give her the keys to the vehicle so that she could use the car phone. At or about this time, Nicholson rushed out of the residence and physically and violently lifted PLAINTIFF’s person off the ground. Nicholson flung PLAINTIFF about, stating that he would kill PLAINTIFF and cause PLAINTIFF to suffer grievous bodily harm.
32:19 – Jason Alexander, who was the spokesman for KFC, is now the new spokesman for Jenny Craig. He said he watched himself in a recent Curb Your Enthusiasm episode and he hated what he saw: “I looked at myself playing a character that I started playing 20 years ago. And yes, he has aged, but what was disturbing was he was no longer in a body that I cared to recognize.”
39:12 – It may be the last word in Spelling Bees and Scrabble, but Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary now faces a new, if unlikely, notoriety – being too sexy for its own good. This was the verdict of at least one parent in Menifee, Calif., last week, who called the principal of Oak Meadows Elementary School to say that the entries describing oral sex in the dictionary were too explicit. The books were then pulled off the shelves and housed temporarily off location. “The dictionaries have not been banned,” said Betti Cadmus, a spokesman for the school district in the conservative southwest Riverside County on Monday, “but there was growing concern by parents that some of the words are not age-appropriate.” A panel of parents, teachers and administrators will meet later this week to comb the dictionary for potentially graphic words or definitions and issue a report within a month.
42:05 – Christopher Scolese, NASA’s acting administrator, told U.S. government officials that NASA is discovering that many parts installed on their spacecraft are counterfeit. They’re not finding this out until the parts have been fully installed and the rocket is ready to be launched or even worse until the parts malfunction in space.
44:23 – A former student returned two overdue books checked out 51 years ago to a high school librarian in Phoenix. The money order was sent anonymously with $1,000 in it, but it was to cover fines of 2 cents a day.
46:18 – The Amish, who number around 230,000 – mostly in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana – have the hottest thing in Christian fiction right now: Bonnet Books. It’s a lucrative genre. They chronicle the lives and loves of chased American Amish.
48:35 – A Jewish teen trying to pray on a New York to Kentucky flight caused a scare when he pulled out a set of small boxes containing holy scrolls, leading to the captain diverting the plain to Philadelphia, where police, bomb-sniffing dogs and federal agents were waiting. The 17-year-old on US Airways Express Flight 3079 was using Tefillin, a set of small boxes containing biblical passages that are attached to leather straps. When used in prayer, one box is strapped to the arm and the other box is placed on the head. The teen explained the ritual to the crew, but the crew did not receive a clear response when they talked to him and in the interest of everyone’s safety decided to land in Philadelphia.
1:00:33 – A Newsweek article talks about “preppers” – normal people with end-of-the-world survivalist tendencies.
1:42 – A judge with the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission says the rights of Josue Brissot, a Rastafarian baggage screener at Boston’s Logan International Airport, were violated when he was threatened with firing unless he cut his long dreadlocks that he claims he maintains for religious reasons. Marcia says she just left Logan today. She wonders what “rastafani” is – she thought it was something Jah made up when he was in high school.
3:13 – Several major food companies got together to create a new service for American consumers called “Smart Choices.” Food products with the green check gives consumers a fast and easy way to purchase healthy food for their family. But many nutritional advocate groups say this is a scam. The list includes Froot Loops, Lucky Charms and Coco Krispies. Marcia wants to know what happened to good old-fashioned oatmeal?
7:37 – Men’s Health magazine has chosen for the third straight year the country’s worst pizza – it’s the Uno Chicago Grill Classic Deep Dish Individual Pizza. It has 2,300 calories, 165 grams of fat, 5,000 milligrams of sodium and 120 grams of carbs. It’s like 27 tiny bags of Lay’s Potato Chips.
15:10 – Starting in January, McDonald’s plans to offer a $1 breakfast menu across the country. It will include the following items: Sausage McMuffin, Sausage Biscuit, Sausage Burrito, Hash Brown and a 12-oz coffee.
16:09 – McDonald’s will also lift its $2.95 fee for two free hours of Wi-Fi at 11,000 of their stores next month and will offer free Wi-Fi access with no time limit. Marcia wonders if people actually use that, and Seth confirms that pedophiles use that by stealing laptops from tweens and overrunning 11,000 McDonald’s come January.
17:00 – Hotline Homecoming – Responding to complaints from customers, many US customers are putting their call centers back in America for a fee. Marcia says she might pay a fee to speak to someone who speaks English.
19:24 – Pregnant high school athletes – should they be sidelined?
21:30 – The Samer Theory – radiation from microwaves, telecommunications, remote controls, cell phones, etc., are slowly cooking our brains and making us crazy. Marcia agrees that this is correct because everyone is crazy. And she thinks everyone drinks way too much caffeine without even thinking about it and drives 100 miles an hour on the 101 Freeway. Marcia drinks decaf coffee for the taste. Her on caffeine with 3-year-olds would not work.
26:42 – Seth recalls that soldiers and troops have to use crazy shit because they don’t have all the accessories they need – To check for tripwires while out on a mission, families were sending silly string so they could spray it and see where it landed (Episode 041, 31:53 and Episode 087, 19:20). … Also, swallowing chewing tobacco kills worms in your stomach. … Tampons plug up bullet wounds … Wrap people with saran wrap for punctured chests … Vaseline on your mouth so when you take a shower the water won’t get into it … tape on your bed with the sticky side up so that insects will get stuck on it and not be able to make their way up to you. … Putting your socks over your pants and your boots so scorpions can’t get in your business. Seth wonders how long he would last in Fallujah, and Marcia thinks he wouldn’t even make it on the plane ride over there.
28:42 – The Pickle Guys $0.75 Store is the last pickle outlet left on Manhattan’s Lower East Side now that Gus – an institution since 1920, has moved its red barrels of 50-cent pickles to Brooklyn.
31:25 – The Lawry Chain of high-end steakhouses must pay more than $1 million to settle a federal discrimination lawsuit contending that for several decades it hired only women, no men as servers.
34:27 – Ladybugs have been showing up in greater numbers in wine vineyards. Sometimes more often as of late they attach to harvested grapes and are being mixed into fermenting grape juice by accident. As a defense mechanism they release a chemical that is foul-smelling and is detected in even tiny amounts by humans. The green bell pepper smell is increasingly being found in wines. It is being called “Ladybug Taint.” … Marcia at 35:08 – “Yeah well that’s true because if you’ve ever let a ladybug sit on your hand they always leave a brown spot when they walk away. … I don’t know, it must be that taint stuff.”
39:40 – Seth wonders how long Marcia would last in a women’s prison. She doesn’t think very long. These are what hardened convict female criminals are using on lockdown to beautify themselves: Ink from pens for eyeliner, glitter from greeting cards to sprinkle on their faces, Crystal Light for blush, coffee grounds for eye shadow, crushed Skittles for color and shading.
44:01 – Dearborn, Michigan has close to 500,000 Arabs – the largest concentration of people outside of the Middle East. A new Wal-Mart has opened a 200,000-square-foot Super Center with 550 specialty items for them.
48:45 – The number of Americans using Twitter dropped 8% from September to October – it’s the second monthly decline this year. Marcia: “But who cares what Ashton Kutcher’s doing?”
50:23 – More and more service animals are not of the norm. A lot of people are using monkeys, parrots, etc. There’s a woman in Fort Worth, Texas, who has a seeing eye horse. She walks it through the drive-thru at Dairy Queen and gets her ice cream.
13:07 – As of Sept. 1, the U.S. military mission in Iraq will get a new name. Operation Iraqi Freedom becomes Operation New Dawn. Defense secretary Robert Gates said the name change will signal American forces have a new mission there.
16:16 – Little Brownie Bakers of Kentucky, who makes the Lemon Chalet Crème cookies, said there’s been a problem with them and a breakdown in the oils, making foul odors emanate from the box.
18:41 – Burger King, the nation’s No. 2 burger king, is launching a massive new coffee line, introducing Starbucks Corporation’s Seattle’s Best Coffee this summer at all of their 7,000 stores. Drinks will range from $1 to $2.79 and be sold all day. Five years ago BK launched its BK Joe coffee brand, which will now be retired.
25:53 – Due to a provision placed inside of the new credit card bill, you can now legally carry a firearm in 373 of 392 national parks. A ban had been in place for the last 94 years, but now you can carry a loaded weapon. 30 parks are in more than one state so you’ll have to know what and where the state lines are because you’ll be subject to gun laws of each state.
29:20 – The #2 rental chain in the country, Movie Gallery – owner of Hollywood Video – has filed for bankruptcy. They’re planning on closing 805 stores – one-third of their total. It’s their second trip through bankruptcy court. Their first time was about 2 ½ years ago, when they closed 2,400 stores. They’re struggling with competition of people streaming videos online from Netflix, picking up $1/night rentals at Red Box kiosks, etc.
45:03 – Babies born in 2010 and on will belong to Generation Alpha. Generations X, Y and Z have exhausted the Latin alphabet so we’ve moved to the Greek generation. It will be the most tech-savvy and connected generation ever.
47:35 – Atlanta’s public transportation agency is under fire for renaming the train line that goes into the heart of the city’s Asian-American community the Yellow Line.
56:20 – The president of Nigeria is receiving medical treatment in a Saudi Arabian hospital. He’s back in Nigeria recovering at his home and the acting president of Nigeria since the middle of January’s name is Goodluck Jonathan.
7:32 – Seth lets everyone know that Cpt. Sully Sullenberger retired this past week. He dedicates Episode 208 to him (Episode 167, 4:23; Episode 172, 58:12; and Episode 186, 4:24).
18:31 – Seth re-reads an article written by technology Clifford Stoll in the February 1995 issue of Newsweek called “The Internet – Bah!” (Episode 110, 2:02).
27:50 – The TSA is going to begin randomly swabbing flyers’ hands to check for any explosive material. International flights are already doing it. They currently have 7,000 trace explosive detection machines in functioning order.
32:36 – The U.S. Tax Court in Washington has ruled that costs incurred in sex-change operations and accompanying procedures are now tax-deductible.
38:35 – The American Psychiatric Association will release the fifth edition of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013. It was last revised in 1994. The book is used by mental health professionals, insurance companies, etc. They’ll recommend for this edition that binge eating and gambling be considered as disorders, along with mixed anxiety disorder. Mixed anxiety disorder is really vague. They refrained from suggesting sex addiction or internet addiction.
41:57 – Starting May 1, American Airlines will start charging passengers $8 for a pillow and a blanket. You can keep them but you have to pay using debit card.
53:18 – The USPS is expecting to lose $238 billion over the next decade and is very seriously considering dropping Saturday delivery. They figure they can save $40 billion over that same period by doing this.
4:17 – According to ABC News, there are more than 700,000 registered sex offenders in the United States. For perspective, the city of Boston has 620,000 people living there, Portland has 557,000 people and Pittsburgh has 310,000.
6:03 – Pringles has recalled their cheeseburger flavor Pringles Restaurant Cravers and their “Taco Night” flavor of Pringles Family Flaves because of possible salmonella bacteria. Non-recalled flavors are Slow-Cooked BBQ, Cheesy Fries, Mexican Layered Dip, Onion Blossom, White Cheddar and Cheddar BBQ.
12:28 – Neuromarketing is consumers being exposed to ads while hooked up to machines that monitor brain activity, pupil dilation, sweat responses and flickers in facial muscles.
14:42 – The newest Forbes billionaire list features 403 U.S. billionaires, while China only has 89. Bill gates is no longer the richest man in the world, he’s only worth $53 billion. The richest man in the world, with $53.5 billion, is Mexican telecommunications tycoon Carlos Slim. The world’s youngest billionaire, worth $4 billion, is Mark Zuckerberg (Episode 107, 25:19).
19:34 – Sean Hayes, who played the very flamboyant character Jack McFarland on the NBC sitcom Will & Grace (which went off air four years ago), is on the current cover of The Advocate confirming “rumors” that he is gay. Jah recalls having to be informed that French Stuart was not gay, but he didn’t need confirmation of this one.
28:10 – State troopers across the country are discussing a surge in what they call “Trucker Rage.” It’s more and more incidents of road rage involving long-haul truckers driving semis, big rigs and 18-wheelers. They’re exchanging taunts via CB radio and then pulling over to fight at rest stops after talking shit. Channel 19 is a place that a lot of “CB Rambos” go. It’s where a lot of young truckers go to blow off steam. Jah lists off some Channel 19 terminology: “alligator” is tread from tire, “a free ride” is a prostitute, a “beaver” is a female, a “Christmas card” is a speeding ticket, “sailboat fuel” is riding on empty, “magic mile” is the last mile of a trip, “Colorado Kool-Aid” is beer and “Use the Jake” is slow down.
31:33 – Ashleymadison.com, an adultery website (Episode 102, 53:13; Episode 150, 2:07) reviewed the 1.9 million accounts they have to come up with the occupations that have the most adulterous people. Among women, #5 is real estate agents, #4 is administrative agents, #3 is nurses, #2 is stay-at-home moms and #1 is teachers. Among men, #5 is engineers, #4 is real estate agents, #3 is lawyers, #2 is police officers and #1 is physicians.
44:16 – The Los Angeles Times was asking people what their favorite movie of 2009 was. Ron Artest, Lakers Forward: “Easy. 2012. Every time I get to the team hotel I watch it. Every single time.”
54:01 – Federal authorities charged 24 people last summer with the looting/theft of Native American artifacts from sites in the western part of the U.S. in the Four Corners – Utah, Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. Since then, three of these people have committed suicide.
57:48 – Seattle police have launched a prostitution investigation aimed at Frank Colacurcio, who owns five strip clubs in the Seattle area including Rick’s, Honey’s, Talent’s, Sugar’s and Fox’s. Reports show that one undercover officer visited the clubs 160 times. He got approximately 130 lap dances and spent about $18,000 while not making a single arrest.
59:19 – LA Sheriff’s Department said there was a dispute at a Lancaster movie theater during a showing of Shutter Island. It was a packed 9 p.m. Saturday night screening and found a man complaining about a woman who was having a full-blown conversation on her phone during the movie. She left the theater with two men, then came back a short while later and plunged a meat thermometer into the neck of the man who was complaining.
1:02:47 – Seth reads from an article in the LSU student newspaper, the Daily Reveille about a student named Storm Erie who drove his car into the LSU Quad, parked and began throwing contents of his vehicle into the Quad: dirty rubber boots, a half-empty bottle of wine, a large sling blade, a djembe, a four-sided lug wrench, a skateboard, a wooden chess set, a sweater, a pair of shoes, landscaping bags, a flashlight and a small mug. He also propped up a set of blueprints along the back of the running vehicle.
13:15 – The FBI said that the amount of money swindled on the internet doubled in 2009 to $560 million. They said one of the biggest scams involved phone messages left on people’s home answering machines with a voice similar to President Barack Obama’s, urging people to visit a website to claim a share of government stimulus money, limited time offer with a small handling fee.
15:25 – 5 million people pay $25 per month for AOL dial-up service (Episode 103, 25:06).
23:23 – TIME Magazine has 10 Ideas for the Next 10 Years, and #8 is TV will save the world.
23:45 – 120 million U.S. Census forms began arriving in mailboxes across the country in the government’s once-a-decade population count. Seventy-two percent of households returned their forms in the year 2000. It’s estimated that only 66% will do so this year. There’s another $1.5 billion in spending that’s directed only at the follow-ups to get people to fill out their forms.
25:22 – Tiger Woods texts to porn star Joslyn James: After I cum, you better start sucking my cock to get it hard … You ever hook up with other guys or girls? Slap your face, treat you like a dirty whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat. Hold you down while I choke you and then fuck that ass that I own. … Have you ever had a golden shower done to you? … Yeah, guys from Dubai, investors. My agent doesn’t know about us obviously. … Don’t fuckin’ talk to me, you almost just ruined my whole life.
30:32 – YouTube celebrated 5 years, which launched on Feb. 14, 2005.
32:11 – Becky McClain is a former Pfizer scientist who is suing the pharmaceutical company, alleging she contracted an artificial, lab-made HIV-like virus created by a colleague. She believes she became infected by the virus due to faulty safety measures which result in a complete body paralysis as often as 12 times every month. Pfizer denies the accusations and also refuses to release the genome of the suspected virus, thus preventing both identification of the virus as well as development of any cure.
35:19 – A site called eHarlequin provides romance novels for women who love to read. They have a new series set in the world of NASCAR. He then proceeds to read a passage from “Crossing the Line” by Jean Brashear, but Jah interrupts him to read it in a southern romantic voice.
40:58 – Elijah Dukes (Episode 066, 3:02; Episode 069, 2:17 and Episode 070, 14:22) was released by the Washington Nationals so we might need some new sports heroes to identify with
41:10 – Antonio Cromartie, a former high school football star from Tallahassee, Fla., just left the San Diego Chargers and signed a deal with the New York Jets. They fronted him half a million dollars because he had to resolve the five-plus paternity suits filed against him in the last two years. He has seven children from six women living in five states. Jah wonders which athlete has the most kids in the most states.
42:46 – The Daily Beast rated Cincinnati as the craziest city in the U.S. The list used four criteria to decide this: 1) The number of psychiatrists per capita, 2) the city’s overall stress level, 3) the city’s overall eccentricity and 4) the overall issues with drinking alcohol.
44:14 – R&B Jesus, a.k.a. D’Angelo, 36 years old, was arrested on March 6 in the West Village of NYC after he allegedly tried to get a female police officer posing as a prostitute to give him oral sex.
58:49 – Steven Johnson, 59, has worked as a jail guard in Dallas for almost 17 years. Co-workers claim he has a long history of making offensive comments. He was suspended in 2000 for calling several black inmates he was processing “niggers.” He was disciplined in 2008 after giving his candid opinions on “illegal aliens.” He was just fired for interrupting a private meeting of jailhouse staff to tell them that all the gays should be put to death. He then showed a co-worker a binder that proved his family once owned slaves. He claims the Bible supports his feelings on slavery and blacks. He also said, “They made it out to be that I was a bigot.” In a sworn statement he said that all homosexuals should be put to death but that his beliefs don’t lead him to treat gays any differently. He also said on tape, “I believe all dinosaurs were born of a Satanic angel who had sex with women and the animal kingdom then created ungodly reptilian creatures. None of these creatures were on Noah’s Ark.”
4:05 – Baby name expert Pamela Redmond Satron compiled a list of elite baby names. If you want your baby boy to have any chance of a life, you may want to consider naming him Finn, Asher, Jasper, Kai, Atticus, Milo, Sawyer, Finnius, Auden.
15:18 – Indiana prosecutors have filed voyeurism charges against a 40-year-old man named David Delagrange. He allegedly filmed upskirt videos of 10 different women with his specially made bootrigged video camera. There’s a little hiccup with the case because the laws in Indiana don’t apply to voyeurism in public places; only in a peeping tom situation.
18:44 – Jah reveals that somebody’s trying to get Milli Vanilli’s Grammy back to them because there have been plenty of winning acts since then that have done the same thing with ghost vocals.
20:11 – Time magazine’s website wrote an article stating there is an ongoing debate within the scientific community: can animals commit suicide? Jah thinks there is a high suicide rate among birds, and Seth agrees.
25:09 – Police in Connecticut were waiting in a parking lot of a local bank to meet 27-year-old Albert Bailey and the 16-year-old he brought with him. Bailey had called the bank about 10 minutes earlier, where he spoke to an employee and told her to get a bag of money ready because they were about to rob it. The sergeant said the bank robbers appeared “not so bright.”
31:33 – According to the new book The Male Brain by Dr. Louanne Brisindine , the sexual pursuit area of the male brain – located in the hypothalamuse – is 2.5 times larger than a female’s. This is due to testosterone and the area enlarging.
43:53 – According to the National Retail Federation, consumers are ready for spring and plan to spend a little more this Sunday between candy, cards, gifts, etc. Consumers 25-34 are expected to spend around $136.79 per person.
49:00 – Police are looking for a 56-year-old man living in Woodstock, Ga., who was trying to purchase a 5-year-old boy on the internet for sex. The man’s name is Patrick Molesti.
51:39 – Seth reads from an obituary from a man named Kermit Tyler. “Don’t worry about it.” – Those words, which Tyler uttered on a peaceful Sunday morning in 1941 of the Hawaiian island of Oahu, would haunt him for the rest of his life. He was an Army Air Force first lieutenanton temporary duty on Fort Shatner’s radar information center when on the morning of Dec. 7 a radar operator on the northern tip of the island reported that he saw unusually large blips on their radar screen indicating a large number of aircraft about 132 miles away. “Don’t worry about it,” Tyler told the radar operator, thinking it was just the flight of a US B-17 bomber. Instead, it turned out to be the first wave of more than 180 Japanese fighters, torpedo bombers, dive bombers and horizontal bombers whose surprise attack on Pearl Harbor shortly after 8 a.m. plunged the U.S. into World War II. “You know I wake up at night sometimes and think about it,” he told the Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J. in 2007, “but I don’t feel guilty.”
2:14 – The U.S. Census Bureau reports that some parts of the nation, namely Texas and Alabama, are lagging behind in sending in the 2010 Census. Director Robert Groves said, “Every household that fails to send back their census form by mail must be visited by a census taker starting in May at a significant taxpayer cost.”
3:34 – A group of Confederate rights activists is urging Southerners to declare their “heritage and culture” by classifying themselves as “Confederate Southern Americans.” This would be under the blank spaces under question #9 asking for “Race.” They claim that this will help protect them because federal law makes it illegal to discriminate based on a citizen’s ancestry or culture.
7:01 – The entire species of koala bears (Episode 141, 45:46) is currently being threatened by an outbreak of Koala AIDS, or “KIDS.”
12:24 – Markus Bestin, 25, Nevada’s first male prostitute, from the Shady Lady Ranch (Episode 200, 9:51). He’s otherwise known as a “prostidude.” Here’s his quote: “I’m basically doing what Rosa Parks did when she decided to sit at the front of the bus and not the back.” He’s left the Shady Lady Ranch after a two-month stint because he only saw nine customers. Shady Lady hired a new guy who works under the name “Why Not?”
14:02 – Subway will unveil a new breakfast menu this week. Cage-free eggs are the centerpiece. Egg and cheese sandwich will start at $1.75 and will be available in their 23,000 locations.
15:09 – Ricky Martin came out of the closet. Jonathan’s father delivered this news to him this week.
22:54 – Federal investigators submitted phony products to the government’s energy efficiency certification program and found it very easy to obtain the coveted Energy Star rating. The Energy Department and EPA gave approval to 15 of the 20 fake products they submitted. One of them is a 1-1/2-foot by 1-1/2-foot gasoline-powered alarm clock, another was an air room cleaner that was a space heater with a feather duster taped to it.
28:32 – Actor Aaron Johnson (19), star of the film Kick Ass, just played a young John Lennon in a British film called Nowhere Boy. He’s currently engaged to be married to the director of that move, Sam Taylor Wood (43). She’s pregnant with their first child.
31:21 – The first online private high school for Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered youths has opened to business, so far to limited interest. The GLBTQ (Q for Questioning) currently has 6 students. None of them are from Minnesota, even though the founder and executive director, David Glick, is the founder and executive director. Glick, who runs the school out of his home in St. Paul, said the dirth of students results from its mid-year start, but school officials continue to receive inquiries from potential students and Glick says he expects enrollment to increase by 50-100 by fall. Enrollment also could increase if the school has a successful campaign to raise funds for its startup costs and student tuition subsidies. Annual tuition is $5,900 per year for a full-time student, and that rate compares favorably to similar types of home schools. It is open to students nationwide because it’s private and online. Its faculty and administration are actually scattered all over. The school has 14 teachers and counselors that all live in other states. The servers the students use to access the curriculum and interface with instructors is based in Florida. Glick says, “We are headquartered in cyberspace.”
36:25 – U.S. intelligence officers have some secret recordings of a Chicago cab driver originally from Pakistan who’s been traveling back and forth dealing with Al-Qaeda. They have audio of him in a coffeeshop speaking freely, claiming Osama bin Laden is alive and well and giving orders for Al-Qaeda.
39:18 – British secret intelligence is reporting that female suicide bombers could be recruited by Al-Qaeda, planting explosives in their breast implants that would be able to bypass security.
41:34 – A provision in the newly passed health care bill adds a 10% tax on tanning salon fees. The Indoor Tanning Association (ITA) is mad. This will go into effect Thursday, July 1.
43:30 – Larry Gene Pendley was hunting on opening day of turkey season in Central California. He went out with 5 of his friends early in the morning. He was crawling on his hands and knees through a bush trying to sneak up on a turkey when one of his friends mistook him for a turkey, fired and shot and killed him.
46:24 – Santa Fe, N.M. features a lot of turqoise and is known for its abundance of new age healers. Arthur Firstenberg says he’s hyper-sensitive to certain frequencies of electromagnetic radiation. He moved to Santa Fe to get away from it all. He found a home at the end of a narrow lane that he thought would be a refuge from physical and neurological symptoms that have plagued him for three decades. But last October, when a friend of his rented a house on the next block that was backed up to his property, the familiar waves of nausea, vertigo, body aches, dizziness, heart arythmia and insomnia all returned. He says it was because this friend of his was using an iPhone, laptop, wireless router, dimmer switches and microwaves in the home. When he couldn’t reach an agreement with this person, he sued him in state district court, seeking $530,000 in damages. His doctor treated him and testified at the hearing that she is convinced that electromagnetic hypersensitivity is a real disorder that affects his nervous system.
10:59 – There is a new social networking site called Unvarnished, which is in private testing. It’s like Yelp! for people. It has a reputation marketplace where anyone can post anonymous reviews about anyone else. You access the site through Facebook, you must be invited by a current user. There are several-hundred now. You can only register after you’ve written a review of the person who invites you and you must accept every review – you can’t remove them. There are 400,000 pre-loaded Silicon Valley profiles in order to jump-start it.
14:10 – Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz directed his store designers to “break the mold” and build a neighborhood test coffee shop from the ground up. It’s located in Seattle’s eclectic Capitol Hill section. It’s home to a vibrant gay community, indie rockers, hipsters and mansion owners. It’s called Roy Street Coffee & Tea by Starbucks. It features heavy velvet curtains, indie movie nights, single origin coffees, small-craft brews, organic wines, vegan pastries and gourmet cheeses.
20:14 – A federal judge has barred Albuquerque (which Jah can’t spell correctly) from enforcing an ordinance that banned registered sex offenders from using their public libraries. The judge said it violated their First Amendment rights.
25:57 – Seth talks about the Ministry Family Radio, whose judgment day was May 21, 2011. He’s been getting a lot of mail from them and almost expects to do so every time he goes to the mailbox. The latest literature reads: “The end of the world is almost here. Holy God will bring judgment day on May 21, 2011.” Seth wonders if he should call them and ask if they can make an agreement that when the world doesn’t end on May 21, they have to stop sending him stuff.
28:00 – A decades-old policy affecting U.S. pilots will be reversed this week. Pilots taking antidepressants were not allowed to fly planes under the old policy. Under the new policy, pilots can seek FAA permission to take 1 of 4 drugs – Eli Lilly’s Prozac, Pfizer’s Zoloft and Forest Laboratories’ Celexa or Lexipro. FAA policy bans pilots from flying if they claim depression but don’t take one of these four drugs.
37:40 – Cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse by arranging liaisons via text messages is now called “chexting.”
43:26 – It is official that Barack Obama is the country’s first black president. It has been confirmed by a White House spokesman that Obama checked “Black/African-American or Negro” on Question No. 9 of the 2010 U.S. Census.
44:55 – 22-year-old Justin James Warren Green of Birmingham, Ala., was arrested for slapping his 2-year-old daughter across the left side of her face for eating some of his BBQ Pringles.
48:04 – 6-year-old Samantha Kuberski was a happy kid who did well at school, which is why tragedy was compounded by a shock back in January when medical examiners in Yamhill County, south of Portland, declared Samantha’s death a suicide, making her the youngest person to take her own life in Oregon’s history. On Dec. 2, the first-grader was allegedly sent to her room after getting in a fight with her mom. While her mother and three sisters were in other parts of the McMinnville house, Samantha reportedly crawled into an unused crib that had no mattress or box spring, tied a corduroy belt around her neck and onto the crib’s top rung and hung herself. She was found unconscious and rushed to a hospital where she was pronounced dead. Her parents and siblings were later interviewed by police, who ruled out any foul play and said they found no signs that the young girl had ever been abused. Other detectives would rather rule it an accident because of her age.
57:40 – Rosalyn Cartwright, the former director of the Sleep Disorder Center at Chicago’s Rush University Medical Center, wrote a book due out next month called The 24-Hour Mind, a psychological thriller resolving around sleepwalking. When sleepwalking, a person’s frontal lobe is completely asleep. You also lose all facial recognition whatsoever.
1:51 – Seth explains to us that a simple battery occurs when a person makes intentional contact of an insulting or provoking nature with a person of another or causes intentional harm to another. It is a misdemeanor, however it becomes a misdemeanor of aggravated nature when committed against certain classes of persons, e.g. the elderly, a pregnant woman, a police officer, a child, and also a sports official while the official is officiating any amateur contest. Seth reads this to us there was an amateur official that made a shitty call recently and got shoved, and the shover was charged with aggravated assault. Jah likes the law because it keeps the kids safe.
9:52 – 50% of the security cameras in the NYC Subway system are completely defective.
12:00 – In the summer of 1984 there was a movie called Red Dawn, and now they’re remaking it.
14:21 – Seth has read some reports from the Nielsen company that Road House is the most cable-ized movie of all time.
17:57 – Four years ago, a Little Saigon fortune teller and her daughter were found stabbed to death. Their hands and faces were covered with white paint. The killers fled with credit cards, jewelry and cash. Five weeks after this happened, police arrested a woman named Tanya Nelson in North Carolina in the slayings of the fortune teller, Ha Jade Smith, and her daughter. Police said Nelson was caught allegedly assuming the identities of the victims and spending more than $3,000 on clothing. Police speculated that theft was the motive. Prosecutors added another twist to the bizarre case this week: Smith and her daughter were stabbed to death because a spell did not work. Nelson, a longtime client of Smith's, blamed the fortuneteller for a fortune gone bad and was so angered that she decided to kill her, said Deputy Dist. Atty. Sonia Balleste, who is prosecuting Nelson at the murder trial in Orange County Superior Court. A letter found in Nelson's North Carolina home indicated that Nelson wanted Smith to change the fortune, Balleste said. Smith wrote in the letter that she could not do so, Balleste said. And Nelson felt so cheated out of her money that she decided to fly to Orange County to kill Smith.
20:49 – According to the parenting book, Nurture Shock, which brought us, “Is Your Baby Racist?” (Episode 183, 57:52) infants from 9 months old to 2 years old should not be spoken to in baby talk. Parents should avoid any and all goo-goo and ga-ga talk.
23:14 – Low-cost carrier Spirit Airlines (Episode 094, 33:16; Episode 159, 21:24) has become the first airline in the world to charge flyers for putting carry-on bags into their overhead storage bins, possibly up to $45 each way.
25:18 – So many people are flying with small pets in airline cabins, and the 1 in 10 people with allergies to animals are being put at great risk. The preferences of pet owners should not supercede the well-being of their fellow passengers, according to the spokesman of a lobbying group. Jah thinks it’s clear there are people who want provisions made for them and their pets, and it should be its own market and should have to deal with it. There should be either animal flights or non-animal flights.
28:20 – Foot Locker has announced some store closings. Jah describes the smell of a Foot Locker store as the blend of a super-clean smell with a super-dirty smell. Some of their underperforming stores are going to be shuttered, including Lady Foot Locker and Kids Foot Locker.
30:29 – Google has announced they are building and testing an experimental, high-speed, fiber optic network that would make the internet “the dial tone of the 21st Century.”
39:35 – BeenVerified.com is America’s #1 background check. You can run it right on your home computer.
41:29 – Less than 10% of blind people in the United States read Braille.
50:31 – An Arizona man who allegedly stole the identity of a San Francisco physician and posed as a doctor running a West Los Angeles sperm back, has been arrested on suspicion of sexually assaulting/fondling two men. Jeffrey Lynn Graybill of Phoenix is accused of pretending to be “Dr. Richard Richardson” and soliciting sperm donors for the nonexistent fertility clinic. Graybill was brought back to Los Angeles after being arrested Wednesday in Arizona, investigators said. He had moved from Marina del Rey to Phoenix in August. Investigators believe that there may be more than two dozen other victims in California and Arizona. Although he had no medical license, Graybill allegedly advertised himself as a physician through Internet listings on Craigslist and solicited potential clients, offering up to $4,000 monthly for sperm donations for “stem cell and other research.” Graybill, a property manager, had been trained as an emergency medical technician and used leftover medical equipment such as a stethoscope and blood pressure monitor to convince men that he was a doctor, said Officer Ian Carbonell of the LAPD. Graybill arranged to meet the first victim at the man's home June 10 and the second on June 20 at an apartment Graybill managed. He is accused of posing as a physician and fondling both men, Carbonell said. After Graybill failed to pay the men, one of them filed a complaint with Los Angeles police in June, triggering the investigation, Carbonell said. He said Phoenix police also are investigating Graybill in connection with several similar assaults on men there.
3:18 – 150,000 of the 1.5 million kids in the U.S. are what people are calling “unschooled.” The kids make the rules – no chores, no punishments and no judgment. The parents allow for it as an exercise in what they call “personal exploration and discovery.” Jonathan says this used to be called college.
20:01 – Library of Congress has announced that they have acquired every tweet in existence. Since Twitter began in March of 2006, there are billions in their database. Twitter execs say they have 105 million registered users and are adding around 300,000 new ones every day, and there are about 50 million new tweets every day.
33:45 – 28-year-old married father with two small children Daniel DuPuis was arraigned on a felony charge of masturbating at the school where he works as an elementary music teacher. He admitted to masturbating five times in his locked office. School administrators were notified by the janitor, who found a tissue in the teacher’s waste basket that “smelled like semen.”
44:32 – The Supreme Court is hearing a case about a California SWAT team officer who sued the city of Ontario, Calif., for violating his privacy after superiors looked at personal messages he sent on his work-issued pager. He said they didn’t have the right to do it. He had been sending texts to both his estranged wife and girlfriend, who he worked with. The main problem is the Supreme Court judges aren’t that tech-savvy. Midway through the argument, Chief Justice John Roberts asked, “What’s the difference between e-mail and a pager?” At another point, Justice Anthony Kennedy asked, “All right, what would happen if a text message was sent at the exact same time another text message was sent? Does it say ‘Your call’s important to us and we’ll get back to you.’?”
48:36 – An American Airlines passenger, Brad Bisallion, posted a picture of the plane he flew on, which had duct tape on the wing. American Airlines confirmed this, and said it was called “high-speed tape,” in the aviation industry. An aviation consultant said, “I would be surprised if today, right now, there’s not an airplane on every airline in the United States that’s not flying around with some of this stuff on it.”
56:43 – Analysts predict as many as 4 million 3D televisions could be sold this year. Manufacturers are making sure consumers are aware of potential side effects from the technology. User manuals warn that the viewer could experience intense headaches, eye strain, fatigue and/or dryness or blurred vision, muscle twitches, problems with balance, nausea, light-headedness. Pregnant women should take extra precautions and people at risk of strokes or seizures should consult a medical professional before watching it. Absolutely no alcohol while you’re watching it and users should take frequent breaks.
5:45 – Seth’s mother says hello to everybody and she wanted Seth to mention that Thomas Angove has passed away at 92. He was the inventor of boxed wine.
6:52 – 23-year-old LaShawn Merritt is the reigning Olympic and world 400-meter track champion. He has accepted a two-year ban from running after failing a USA Track & Field drug test that was the result of his use of over-the-counter penis enlargement product Extenze (Episode 062, 44:46). Explaining his mistake of not knowing the ingredients in it, he says “To know that I’ve tested positive is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around.”
9:03 – Adam Jones, a 24-year-old centerfielder for the Baltimore Orioles, is the only black dude on the Orioles’ roster. The Orioles are 4-18, worst in the MLB at air time. Jah wonders how lame the bus rides are when they’re all singing along to Dave Matthews Band and he’s rolling his eyes.
10:13 – Kathryn Bigelow has announced a follow-up to her film The Hurt Locker, which won her a Best Director Oscar this year. Next month in L.A. she’s going to be shooting a Revlong lipstick commercial with Jessica Biel.
25:52 – The average speed, in miles per hour, of a man’s ejaculate, is 28 miles per hour. Seth thinks Jah’s is 33. Seth and Jah say Jim Carrey is the Nolan Ryan of jizz, reaching 96-97 miles per hour
28:02 – 75-year-old Ronald Wayne, who lives in a modest home on a small state pension in the retiree town of Pahrump, Nev., is often referred to as the “third founder of Apple Computers.” He worked side-by-side with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in the early to mid-1970s. Wayne had a 10% share of the Apple Computer Company and sold them in 1976 for $800. They would be worth in the billions at this point if he had kept them.
31:26 – SETI (The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) has an array of radio telescopes, about 350 high-tech dishes spread out over the 90 acres of the Northern California wilderness. They’ve decided they’re going to give their raw data and algorithms out to the public so they can harness the power of everyone’s findings.
32:47 – NASA just held a conference to discuss alien life in Houston to commemorate 50 years of research.
36:17 – Just like when he donated $27,777 in late 1978 to save the “Y” in the HOLLYWOOD sign (Episode 049, 43:41), Hugh Hefner came in at the very last second and gave $900,000 to the Trust for Public Land, giving them the $12.5 million they needed to buy the Cahuenga Peak from a development firm and make it a permanent part of Griffith Park.
49:00 – This month marks the 50th anniversary of “the pill” in the U.S. Nowadays women can choose between the pill, patches, rings, implants and even the morning-after pill. Yet despite all these options, one-half of all pregnancies in the U.S. – more than 3 million a year – are unintended. Jah thinks the better option would be for guys to take a pill that makes “dum-dum sperm” that don’t know how to swim for 24 hours.
1:52 – Seth congratulates Goodluck Jonathan (Episode 207, 56:20), who has officially been sworn in as president of Nigeria.
2:26 – A paper in the May issue of the journal Symbolic Interaction suggests that parents have a very hard time grasping their teen’s sexuality, thinking their own kids are innocent and are not really interested in sex, while everyone else’s kids are highly sexual.
7:07 – Mom Logic is a website with the slogan “What Moms are Talking About,” and claims that the day after Mother’s Day is the second-busiest day of the year for female member sign-ups at Ashley Madison. Number 1 day of the year is the day after Valentine’s Day. A typical Monday at Ashley Madison sees roughly 2,500 to 3,000 new women sign up. The day after Mother’s Day last year saw 24,000. This year they expected 30,000.
11:38 – Former First Lady Laura Bush has a new book out called Spoken From the Heart. In it she looks back on the night in 1963 when she was driving with a girlfriend of hers, they were having a discussion, she ran a stop sign and killed somebody. Her quote: “The whole time I was praying that the person in the other car was alive. In my mind I was calling, ‘Please God, Please God, Please God,’ over and over again.” She never contacted his parents or went to the funeral.
17:11 – 17-year-old Phillies fan Steve Consalvi was at Citizens Bank Park and called his dad and said he wanted to run on the field. His dad told him not to do it. He ran around for about 30 seconds and got tased. The next night, a dude in a Phillies shirt at Citizens Bank Park gets on the field but doesn’t get tased. A couple weeks ago in Philadelphia, an off-duty police officer brought his two daughters and had a terrible time because everyone was drunk and swearing. He got a bunch of people escorted out of the stadium, and after they leave another guy gets up in his face to give him the business, stands behind the father and the daughter, sticks his fingers down his throat and pukes on both of them and then punched the cop in the ear. A fan nearby caught a foul ball and gave it to the girl who got puked on.
21:11 – MMA fighter Tito Ortiz was arrested last week for assaulting his live-in girlfriend and the mother of his children, former porn star Jenna Jameson. The couple met on Myspace in 2006 and last year had twin boys. In an interview, visibly shaken and very tearful, Jameson says “It’s just hard to trust anybody in my life. It makes you wonder what you did wrong. I’m so in utter shock that this happened because we were America’s couple.”
29:35 – Coming in June, a dating site just for people who love Apple. Apple fanboys and Apple fangirls. It’s called “Cupidtino,” – a play on the words “Cupid” and “Cupertino,” where Apple HQ resides.
33:55 – Several passengers were forced to restrain 32-year-old Matthew Kleindorfer on a SkyWest Airlines flight from Montana to Salt Lake City after he began banging on the cockpit door, saying he was an alien and he wanted to fly the plane.
39:03 – To coincide with today’s National Prayer Day, USA Today conducted a poll concerning God and faith. 92% of those polled said there is a God, and 83% said that God answers prayers. Seth is surprised in the gap between those who believe in God and those who believe God answers prayers, while Jah is surprised that the percentage is so high for people who believe in God. A lot of people in his life struggle with that concept. Seth thinks there’s maybe 12 people in his whole life who don’t believe in God. Jah’s experience has been the polar opposite, and most everyone believes it’s all dead.
43:44 – TIME magazine released their 100 Most Influential People in the World. Sean “Diddy” Combs wrote a piece about Ashton Kutcher: “This guy will show us the future.”
48:26 – Roger Ebert wrote an article about why he hates 3D. One of his reasons is that “It adds nothing to the experience. … What would Fargo gain in 3D? Casablanca? Precious?” Seth says that if Precious was in 3D, he wouldn’t have left after 10 minutes thinking that the movie sucked; he would’ve stayed because it would have been awesome.
3:30 – If you can’t get to Hubble this week, get to a newsstand and pick up your June issue of Playboy this week and take a look at the 3D centerfold. The even more amazing thing about this edition of Playboy is that it features the first-ever playmate born in the 1990s (Episode 084, 51:05; Episode 091, 16:42; Episode 147, 53:02). Her name is Katie Vernola, and she’s Miss June. The pictoral is entitled “Little Surfer Girl.” She was born on Oct. 21, 1991. In Seth’s research, there was an October ’89, a November ’89, a December 89’, and then it just jumped to 1991.
5:35 – Jah lists off the most popular baby names of 2009 (Episode 070, 41:29; Episode 099, 36:33; Episode 145, 5:26; Episode 166, 7:38). Top 3 boys: 1) Jacob, 2) Ethan, 3) Michael. Top 3 girls: 1) Isabella, 2) Emma, 3) Olivia. Some other boys names – 159) Tanner, 194) Camden, 267) Kyler, 347) Greyson, 436) Talon, 583) Remington, 700) Sincere, 718) Gage, 879) Krish, 991) Chaz, 994) Stone, 30) Jonathan, 140) Seth. There are also a bunch of names that are so played out that you have to spell them differently: Brittneigh, Midisyn, Chyse. Some other girls names – 241) Delaney, Brielle, Dolce, Bailey, Ainsley, Journey, Brisa, Briley, Paityn, Karma, Mary Jane.
13:03 – Movie Gallery, who also owns Hollywood Video – the second-biggest movie rental chain behind Blockbuster – will be closing 2,415 locations.
17:44 – Seth got the lineup for the KROQ annual Weenie Roast, being held Saturday, June 5 at the Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre in Los Angeles. The headliners are Stone Temple Pilots, Sublime w/ Rome and Hole.
22:20 – People across the country who suffer from allergies have been turning to things called “salt rooms.” They have halo therapy, a 45-minute session that costs around $45. Designed to mimic salt caves in Eastern Europe, proponents claim its benefits extend to respiratory problems and skin conditions. The walls, floors and ceilings are coated in salt while generators grind salt into tiny particles and blow it into the air you are breathing. You sit in a chair and let the salt wash over your entire body.
32:51 – The 1940 Bel-Air estate, until recently owned by Nic Cage, is back on the market for $12.75 million. Its former owners include entertainer Dean Martin and singer Tom Jones. Cage lost the trophy home at a foreclosure auction earlier in April. The baronial mansion, at 11,800 square feet, has a central tower, custom wine cellar, 35-seat home theater, six bedrooms and nine bathrooms. It has a brick paved motor home and a basketball court. The gated house, now empty of Cage’s belongings and furniture, was open to real estate agents last week. Missing, too, are the 35 bronze wall sconce holders made from a cast of the Oscar winner’s arm.
43:02 – A satellite orbiting the earth right now called Galaxy 15 had its electronic brain fried by a solar storm and has gone rogue. It is being called a zombie satellite. It’s hurtling through outer space at about 22,000 miles per hour above the earth and the wayward equipment could possibly hit other orbiting satellites and knock out our television throughout the entire country.
46:25 – Movieline is reporting that the jive-talking, illiterate, gold-toothed robots from Transformers 2, Mudflap and Skids (Episode 172, 12:49), will not return for July 2011’s Transformers 3. Seth read the comments portion of this story, and people were comparing them to the Jar-Jar Binks of the Transformers world. A man who goes by the name “Lucas” defended the characters: “Yes, they were racist, but these bots got all their knowledge from TV and movies, and that is the way that blacks have been depicted.”
48:47 – The rise of dude food, or bachelor chow. Spencer Walker has taken the “recipes that will get you laid” from his popular food blog and published a book this week called Cook to Bang. “Cunny linguini,” “Beat yo’ meat salad,” “Bust a nut squash,” “Diddle that cous-cous,” “Eggs beg-a-dick,” “Fishy pink tacos,” “Don’t catch crabs dip,” “Spank my halibut,” “Eat-a my pita sinwich,” and “Pop their cherry jubilee.”
54:23 – The only way to determine a lake sturgeon’s sex currently is to examine its internal sexual organs. While analyzing DNA from the gonads of lake sturgeons, Purdue University researchers found that the sturgeon genome contains a gene called trematode that didn’t originally belong to it and may harbor a protozoan parasite that causes a sexually transmitted disease in humans.
56:58 – There has been a movement in the medical world to possibly change the standard colors of the standard-issue hospital gowns. Scientists Mark Changizi and Kevin Rio believe the venerable hospital gown needs a makeover. In a study published recently in the journal Medical Hypotheses, they argue that the typical hospital gown colors — usually a solid blue or green or a print on a white background — may not help health professionals see if skin tones are changing, signaling a serious condition such as cyanosis. Cyanosis produces a blue or purplish color to the skin and mucous membranes, signifying that there may be less oxygen in the bloodstream. Pale or yellow-tinged skin can signal other health problems. One solution, they suggest, is to give patients gowns and sheets that are close in color to their skin tone.
3:27 – The U.S. apologized officially to Indians in Washington D.C. this week. A Republican senator has read a congressional apology for “ill-conceived policies and acts of violence against American Indians by the U.S. government.” Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas spoke to a crowd that included the leaders of the Cherokee, Choctaw, Muskogee, Sisseton, Wahpeton, Oyate and Pawnee nations. Cherokee nation chief Chad Smith said that while most tribes had not specifically asked for a formal apology, the gesture was greatly appreciated.
5:38 – Anti-identity theft company Lifelock is led by CEO Todd Davis, who gives out his social security number freely. In the last three years, Davis has been the victim of identity theft at least 13 times, and the company was fined $12 million in March by the FTC.
22:48 – June 4, 2010. It’s called Splice. Superstar genetic engineers Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley achieve fame by successfully splicing together the DNA of different animals to create incredible new animal hybrids. Now they want to up the stakes and use human DNA in a hybrid that could revolutionize both science and medicine. But when the pharmaceutical company that funds their research forbids it, they secretly conduct their own experiments in the pursuit of even greater scientific discovery. Ignoring all of society’s ethical and legal boundaries, the two scientists create a new creature of strange beauty, uncommon intelligence and unexpected physical developments. They name it “Dren.” (Episode 133, 17:59).
30:41 – Newsweek put out their Fear Index to let us know what we’re scared about. 2.2 million burglaries happen a year and 8.3 million identity thefts happen a year. There are 28 shark attacks a year and 4.5 million dog bites. There are 321 fatal airline disasters a year and 34,017 fatal car crashes.
37:09 – Philadelphia postal agents went to the home of a carrier who had not been to work since February. They have not found him as of yet but they have found about 20,000 pieces of mail dating back to 1997 in his garage. The post office has begun the process of mailing those out.
47:30 – Seth read an article about the volcano that stranded travelers. A dude gets back to Denver after being stuck over there, gets in his car, drives it out of the parking garage and the attendant asks for $800.
49:48 – Togetherville is a social network for kids ages 6-10 that launched this week. It’s free to join. Kids’ accounts must be created by their parents’ own Facebook accounts. Parents can approve and reject their kids’ friends.
1:07:55 – There was a female nurse in Los Angeles who got off her shift at 3 a.m., was driving home and stopped at a gas station at Pico Blvd. and Western Ave. to pump gas. There was a crazy car accident out on the street where a car went into a lightpole, knocked the lightpole over and hit a dude and knocked him out. She left the pump in her car and ran over to tend to this pedestrian. As she’s doing that and a crowd has gathered around, some woman sees the nurse helping out and runs over to the gas station, gets in her car and steals it. The nurse leaves the guy, who ends up dying, and tries to get her car and ends up getting dragged 60 feet down Western. The woman was eventually arrested later.
18:44 – Seth read about the World Sauna Championships, which are held in Finland each year. They’ve had it for 11 years and every single year it’s been won by a Fin. Seth wishes an American would get in this competition and beat the Fin. There are 5.2 million people in Finland and 2 million saunas. They start the sauna at 230 degrees and pour water on it. The winner can do about 10 minutes. Breathing through the nose causes you to burn the skin.
21:32 – The guy who won the Boston Marathon in 2003, 2006, 2007 and 2008 was named Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot. The guy who won this year’s marathon was Robert Kiprono Cheruiyot. The International Track & Field Federation said there are 36 Cheruiyots in the Kenyan highlands training for competition.
24:21 – Apple has officially ended its “I’m A Mac” campaign. Seth thinks he could’ve seen another 4-5 of those and not minded (Episode 094,16:54). The last commercial was on TV last October. The first spot with Justin Long and John Hodgman debuted in 2006. Apple pulled all the spots from its website, which totaled more than 60 in TV and print.
26:20 – The New York Yankees and Yankee Stadium have banned anyone entering the stadium from bringing in an iPad. They say it should be classified as a laptop. The Boston Red Sox and Fenway Stadium do not have a ban on them.
35:40 – Thousands of pieces of undelivered mail have now been found in another home dating back to the early 1990s. They have been found in a shed in Michigan by the sister of a 66-year-old former postal service worker. His name is Earl Hicks and is retired in Florida. He said he was so overwhelmed by his route that he began bringing the mail home. He feared if he ever brought it in he would lose his job.
46:32 – There was a cop in UYD’s neck of the woods, in Costa Mesa, who was charged on Thursday with hiding a GPS tracking system in a woman’s car so he could follow her around. Aaron Paul Parsons, 30, was charged with one misdemeanor count of unlawful use of an electronic tracking device. He hid the device in her vehicle on March 18 and then would allegedly just show up at places where she happened to be. She went and looked in and around her car after several run-ins and found it, stamped “CMPD.”
59:30 – It’s estimated that 45 million Americans drive our roads every day without buckling up.
4:50 – AMC Entertainment could not come to an agreement with the property owner of an AMC 24, so the country’s very first megaplex with stadium seating – which opened in 1995 – will be closing this December. Seth read the comments section and one commenter was really sad because he recalled getting his first handjob while watching Titanic there.
9:41 – UC-Berkeley is going to send all 5,500 incoming freshmen and transfer students swabs in the mail and they’re being asked if they are willing to return them with DNA cells from the inside of their mouths. The swabs would then be analyzed for gene variations that affect people’s reactions to 3 dietary substances – lactose, folic acid and alcohol. The programs is being called “Bring Your Genes to Cal,” and has already come under fire from various privacy activists, etc. Jah doesn’t know about this, but he does knw that Elijah Wood had a portrait of his DNA made into artwork for his wall. Seth is down with this.
13:10 – The California Department of Justice arrested 31 people after a 4-month investigation into the fraudulent redemption of out-of-state recyclable cans and bottles. It totaled about $3.5 million that were redeemed at 5 cents per bottle. The crew would take the redeemables from Mexico, Arizona and Nevada, then store them at a home in Las Vegas. They would then truck them across state lines into Montclair, Calif., where they were broken down into smaller loads so as not to look suspicious and then brought all over Southern California to different locations. Jah wonders how they uncovered that. Seth thinks it’s like Bosworth, they had to go undercover, Stone Cold style.
21:16 – Seth informs us that 50 Cent is back Episode 220, 5:56). He already regained the weight after becomng Dave Chapelle for a short time.
21:59 – Seth dips back into Splice, Episode 219, 22:48), saying dren is DTF and we’re talking about a serious Orphan situation.
30:07 – Freeway Ricky Ross is suing Rick Ross because Freeway Ricky Ross is a convicted Los Angeles cocaine kingpin. He was born Ricky Donnell Ross. He’s out of jail and planning to sue the rapper Rick Ross, whose real name is William Leonard Roberts, for profiting off the unlawful use of his name. Freeway Ricky Ross was the leader of a drug empire in South Los Angeles in the early 80s. He got the nickname Freeway because he owned so many properties along the Harbor Freeway. He was making $3 million a day. He was arrested buying 100 kg of cocaine from an undercover federal agent and served 14 years in jail. He just got out. He’s super upset because while he was in the clink Rick Ross created this huge persona, and Rick Ross actually spent time as a Florida Corrections Officer in the early 90s, and Freeway don’t play that. Seth wonders if there was an MC Sirhan Sirhan, would he get sued by the Bobby Kennedy killer?
49:26 – The National Consumers League has named their Worst Teen Jobs for this summer, and #1 is Traveling Youth Sales jobs. More than 40,000 teens will spend the summer going door-to-door selling magazines and household cleaning supplies, etc. During the history of this fine youth job movement, kids have been robbed, assaulted, deserted and murdered. Another big problem is car accidents that occur with vanloads of kids and unlicensed drivers who lug them around and drop them off in neighborhoods.
51:24 – Father Gregory Boyle started Homeboy Industries 20 years ago. It gives former LA gang members jobs, counseling and tattoo removal. Their motto is “Nothing stops a bullet like a job.” They have their Homeboy Bakery and Homegirl Café. Due to budget constraints in these tough economic times, Father Boyle has had to lay off nearly all of his 300 employees.
57:10 – A used car salesman from California named Ruben Hernandez, 34, was just sentenced to 12 years in prison for a crazy house buying fraud scheme where he was using fake social security numbers and bank statements. He stole $4 million from banks and was arrested after being nabbed in a high-speed chase. They searched his Pasadena home and found a creeptastic bedroom with voodoo-like shrines and effigy dolls. Three of the voodoo dolls were dunked upside-down in brown liquid. One had the name of the district attorney on it and the other 2 had names of investigators who were tracking them. They had to call in a professor from UCLA, who said it’s a curse tied to the Palo Mayombe religion, which was brought to the Caribbean during the slave trade. When they questioned the guy, he said it wasn’t voodoo, he said it was “spiritual acupuncture.” The DEA said that around the time of the hearing, his left foot for no reason swelled up and it was crazy painful.
3:16 – The highest one-week tally recorded in the 16 years of the Sound Scan Data was in December 2000. 45.4 million albums were sold that week. This past week, some say it’s the lowest since the early 1970s. Just under 5 million albums were sold last week.
7:27 – Next Friday, the 25th of June, marks the 1-year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death.
23:54 – William Shatner boldly goes where no dad should go based on the Twitter sensation “Shit My Dad Says.”
25:16 – U.S. lawmakers have demanded company records from two contractors they say were hired by Johnson and Johnson to buy back all the defective Motrin children’s medicine from stores in what they were calling a “phantom recall.” Johnson & Johnson paid inventory counting services to have agents go into the stores, pharmacies and gas stations where it was and purchase all of them as if they were actual customers.
34:11 – NASA is inviting the American public to send their portraits into outer space. One of the final two space missions this year – you can choose Discovery in September or Endeavor in November – you just sign up and upload your photo. You will receive flight confirmation and a certificate signed by the mission commander. Seth wonders if anyone can do it for them.
35:55 – In 2004, Frank McCourt bought the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team. He was a real estate developer in Boston who tried to buy the Red Sox but failed miserably. He hired his wife of 30 years, Jamie, as the new Dodgers CEO. Last October, they filed for divorce. Through their legal filings and papers and such, much of their dirty laundry has been aired. One of the things revealed on TMZ a little while ago was that she tried to go up to the stadium with her attorneys and the security had to stop her from even coming in. In the separation/divorce, she was supposed to get some type of monthly stipend. She asked the judge for $1 million a month, but last month he awarded her $637,000 a month. It was found out that their two adult sons were on the Dodgers’ payroll. One was making $200,000 a year and one was making $400,000, but they had no job title and no specific duties. Now we’ve learned that the McCourts hired a 71-year-old Russian physicist named Vladimir Shpunt as a “special advisor” to the Dodgers. His job was to watch every game on television from his home in Boston and sent positive energy to the team and its players. He lived most of his life in Russia and knows absolutely nothing about baseball, but was paid a six-figure salary for his long-distance healing, which was called “V Energy.” His grandfather was a village healer in Russia and he supposedly has healing power in his hands where he does touch therapy. At one point he put his hand on Jamie McCourt’s eye when she had an eye infection and was healed. There was a player on the Dodgers named Jayson Werth, who was into alternative holistic healing. He had an injury and they did some long-distance healing on him, and he ended up suing the Dodgers for misdiagnosis.
42:40 – The U.S. Federal Trade Commission is urging the photocopier industry to address privacy risks arriving from the fact that digital copiers store thousands of documents on their internal hard drives. CBS News reported in mid-April that nearly every copier built since 2002 stores images of documents that pass through the machines. The report found sensitive health and law enforcement information on copiers ready to be re-sold. In a recent letter to Rep. Ed Markey (Mass.), FTC Chairman John Leibowitz said the agency is examining whether copier makers and resellers are warning their customers about the privacy risks. He called the hard drives a treasure trove for identity thieves who could obtain social security numbers, birth certificates, medical records and bank records.
45:33 – Zappos, an online shoe store, has a call center in Las Vegas called the Customer Loyalty Team. The owner of Zappos says it’s a branding opportunity. They offer them no script and no time limit, and give full discretion to make the caller happy. They cut to a guy in a cubicle with his headset on. On his computer screen he has an IMDB page up, and he’s on the phone with a woman who was calling to see if she could get the boots that she saw someone wearing in a Lifetime TV movie. So he’s looking it up and even suggesting going to YouTube. They said the longest customer service call they’ve ever had is 5 hours and 57 minutes. Seth wonders who many old-ass people saw this report on CBS News and started calling Zappos.
1:00:19 – There’s a newly identified human retro virus called XMRV – Xenotropic murine leukemia virus-related virus. There are only two other retro viruses – HIV, which causes AIDS, and HLV I and II, which causes T-cell Leukemia and T-Cell Lymphoma. XMRV is transmitted through bodily fluids. Right now research indicates that it can lead to prostate cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome and various neurological disorders. This came about because there’s a ban in play that prohibits gay men who have had sex since 1977 from donating blood. It was enacted in the hysteria of the early 80s.
4:13 – Los Angeles’ Museum of Contemporary Art Downtown is going to present the first survey at a major U.S. museum of Dennis Hopper’s career as a fine artist. It’s called “Dennis Hopper: Double Standard.” It will feature nearly 200 pieces of his work – photos, paintings, mixed media, etc. Los Angeles magazine, which hit newsstands Friday, June 11 (their July issue), reads “Here’s hoping that Hopper, who has terminal cancer, will be there to see it.”
6:57 – The Thursday, Sept. 11, 2003 issue of Entertainment Weekly that Seth has featured a “Winner of the Week” section featuring a cartoon drawing of Johnny Cash. It reads, “Johnny Cash saw sales of his 10-month old album American Four more than double.” Cash died the next day.
8:09 – On Friday, Sept. 12, 2003, syndicated newspaper columnist, astrologer Joyce Jilson, published an astrological horoscope talking about John Ritter – whose birthday was upcoming on the 17th. It reads: “John Ritter is a loveable character. Having a Virgo sun sign helps keep his career ticking.” Ritter had died the night before at St. Joseph’s in Burbank after collapsing on the set of his television show from a defective heart.
9:42 – General Mills Inc. said it was the subject of a hoax press release that said President Obama had ordered a probe into the cereal maker’s supply chain after recent recalls. The hoaxy release was sent overnight on the PR Newswire, one of the main U.S. distributors of corporate press announcements. Some major news media had reported contents from the release before the hoax had been discovered. PR Newswire issued a statement saying the release came from an unauthorized sender. General Mills said it removed the unauthorized release within minutes, but some automated alerts with links to the fake release further disseminated the contents.
17:43 – Pampers introduced their first high-performance diaper for active babies. They added to their Swaddler and Cruiser diapers a new Dri-Max technology, which makes the diapers thinner and more form-fitting. They are therefore greener. Many parents have gone on to the internet and also to lawyers claiming that the diapers cause severe rashes, burns and redness.
21:23 – There was a party in Beverly Hills last week thrown by Vertu cell phones to mark the official opening of its Rodeo Drive boutique. The Vertu signature cell phone is an individually handmade phone crafted by one man in Hamshire, England. It’s owned by Nokia. One of the phones on display was fashioned out of an 83 karat sapphire with platinum, black leather and rubies. It costs $70,000 and also comes with the Vertu consierge button on the side of the phone. You get one year free and at the push of a button you are connected with a lifestyle manager who can book travel reservations and exclusive shit.
47:56 – The U.S. has spent 9 years and billions of dollars hunting down Osama bin Laden. The War in Afghanistan is now officially the longest war in U.S. history, surpassing Vietnam. 52-year-old Gary Brooks Faulkner, a former construction worker from Denver, went on a solo mission to find Osama bin Laden. Pakistan authorities arrested him on the northern border heading into Afghanistan. He was living off the land deep in the forest. When police found him he had a pistol, a 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles, Christian literature and a small amount of hashish. His brother held a press conference this week to discuss Gary’s situation: “He’s not crazy. He’s as sane as you or I. After Osama mocked the U.S. on 9-11 it became his passion, his mission to track down Osama and kill him or bring him back to the U.S. alive. It has been his sole focus for almost 10 years. Most people live their lives without a dream.” Faulkner’s kidneys had recently failed him and he started dialysis, like Osama. This was his sixth trip to find him. “He wanted to go one last time to check a certain cave. He had a pretty good idea where he might be hiding.” Faulkner is divorced with an adult son. He has been arrested 10 times in the U.S. for everything from burglary to domestic battery. Before he left he said, “God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him.” Seth wishes they would’ve known he was going over there, and shipped him a soft cotton UYD tee so he could be wearing it when he caught that bastard.
50:56 – In the biggest change to the company’s appearance code since the year 2000 when the Disney company allowed its male employees to wear mustaches, women who now work at Disney theme parks no longer have to wear pantyhose. Women will also be permitted to wear sleeveless tops, but only if the shoulder straps are 3 inches wide.
52:10 – Nearly a dozen separate California law enforcement agencies arrested several members of the graffiti tagging crew OCP (Out Causing Panic). Thirty-one of their estimated 200 members were taken into custody. They have been linked to at least 700 incidents of vandalism in the past year.
53:59 – Club 33 is a private club located in the heart of the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland. Officially maintained as a secret feature of the theme park, the entrance of the club is located next to the Blue Bayou restaurant on 33 Royal Street, with the entrance recognizable by an ornate address plate, the number 33 engraved on it. When riding Pirates of the Caribbean, just as the ride departs, the Blue Bayou restaurant is visible, but the balconies above it are actually a part of Club 33. Club 33 members and their guests have exclusive access to the club’s restaurant and the premises are not open to the public at large. It is the only location within Disneyland that offers alcoholic beverages. Though Disneyland has a parkwide liquor license, it has set up bars across the park for private events but not normally. Supposedly it was where Walt had all his creepy sex parties.
55:58 – There’s a 22-year-old man in Houston, Texas facing the death sentence. He’s in a court case right now. His attorneys are trying to submit into the case and show the jury that when he was 2 years old, he was featured on the show COPS in 1990 as a confused toddler watching HPD try to settle a violent domestic dispute between his grandparents. The judge and attorneys watched the segement from the TV show to decide if they could put this into evidence. The video shows HPD responding to a home where a domestic dispute involving a gun had been reported. When police arrive the video shows this 2-year-old kid standing outside with his grandmother, who told officers she had been struck in the head and threatened at gunpoint by her husband. HPD then arrested the toddler’s grandfather while the TV cameras filmed it.
2:12 – Jonathan wishes Seth a Merry Christmas. The Christmas Creep has begun. Hobby Lobby began selling Christmas wreaths the day before Father’s Day. They were offering them at 40% off. Christmas trees are currently being stored in a warehouse and will go on sale next month.
8:27 – There was a movie that played at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival in April. It was in the World Documentary competition. Behind drugs, people and weapons, falcon smuggling has become the world’s most mysterious and profitable illegal trade. To the wealthy elite throughout the Persian Gulf, falcon hunting is a passion beyond compare. The coveted birds regularly command prices up to $1 million, earning them the nickname Feathered Cocaine.
19:02 – LA County sheriff’s deputies received a tip about a home in La Puente. They dispatched arson and explosives investigators to the scene, where they found a home that was filled with nothing but fireworks. Deputies set up a surveillance operation. They arrested three men in the home. The house had no furniture in it and was stacked floor to ceiling with half a million dollars worth of fireworks in it.
27:20 – Seth read some story about girls working in a nursing home in Minnesota who would tease the old men there by shoving their tits in their faces.
29:08 – NASA scientists are leading a research study underway determining the logistics of a manned mission to Mars. Extensive data from previous space journies suggests that psychological and behavioral issues will be perhaps the greatest issue humans will face when they embark on such travels, moreso than any technical and logistical problems. A six-person crew has entered a small isolation chamber in Moscow. The spacecraft simulator will be sealed shut for 520 days. The mock spaceship will then be studied for that time – 230 days to get to Mars, 30 days on the planet’s surface and then 230 days back to Earth. The participants will be evaluated for mood changes, sleep loss, depression, anxiety, stress, conflict and paranoia.
32:33 – Kim Kardashian dated Reggie Bush and the Saints won the Super Bowl in February. Her sister, Khloe Kardashian, married Lamar Odom and the Lakers won the NBA championship. Now Kim is rumored to be dating Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin. Seth hopes this holds for another six or seven more months so the Cowboys can win Super Bowl XLV, Feb. 6, 2011 at Cowboys Stadium. Seth wonders how Thanksgiving Day will be when the Cowboys host the New Orleans Saints when Kim, Miles and Reggie are at the stadium.
40:44 – Hustler has released the first-look promotional poster for their September release, This Ain’t Avatar: XXX, which will be presented in 3D. Hustler says it is their highest-budget move ever produced. Jah wonders who is playing Neytiri. Seth reveals it’s Teri Hatcher, playing opposite Tom Skeritt as Jake.
48:43 – Starting this fall, Provincetown, Mass. (Episode 026, 54:18) Public Schools will hand out free condoms to all public school kids from high school down to elementary school – first, second, third and fourth grade.
56:17 – California is looking into new license plate technology that would allow for ads to appear on the license plate. They would look exactly like standard license plates when the vehicle is in motion but would switch to a digital ad and other messages when the automobile was stopped for more than 4 seconds at a traffic stop or red light. The plate number would still stay visible at all times in at least in a corner or some sort of transparency thing.
1:04:06 – The California Department of Social Services issues state debit cards for welfare recipients to help feed and clothe their families. The welfare recipients receive the cards to maintain basic lives. State officials have discovered that people are able to use the cards at ATMs in 32 of the 58 tribal casinos in the state and 47 of the 90 state-licensed poker rooms.
1:08:36 – A man who lost his high school class ring 27 years ago while swimming in a quarry found it just where he thought it was all along. Lenny Nason is the owner of the Granite Hill Quarry in Hallowell, Maine. It has been closed for 80 years and filled with water for people to swim in. The owner decided to drain it to start granite miner. Jason Cottle saw a picture in the Kennebec Journal in Augusta, Maine, of the draining and decided to go back and look for his ring. The 45-year-old carpenter found it Thursday on a ledge that would’ve been 35 feet under the waterline – right where he and his friends used to swim. This was his 1983 Gardner Area High School class ring. Not only did he find the ring, he found the diving mask that he lost in 1983 the first time he went looking for the ring when he lost it. His 86-year-old mother Pauline said, “I was tickled to death. He’d been up there for three days looking for it ever since he found out that they were draining it.” Cottle said his mom always thought he had given the ring away to his high school sweetheart when she left for college. She didn’t believe him when he told her he lost it. “She didn’t want me to give it to a girl. She bought it for me and she wanted me to keep it. That’s why I wanted to find it more than anything – to prove to her that I really lost it.”
5:42 – The Phoenix Police Department has set up a division called Police Assistant. It’s a non-sworn in, uniformed, volunteer police position. You get 40 hours of basic training in ethics, uniforms, limited defense tactices, note taking, first aid, parking code enforcement, community relations, crowd control and interpersonal communications. They do not attend the police academy and do not get paid.
8:00 – Jah talks about how Santa Monica has guys riding around on Segways who are community volunteers and tell people the law. They can’t write citations but they tell people “no skateboarding on the promenade” and “no smoking on the brickwork,” etc. They wear terracotta/peach salmon polo shirts and khakis and sun hats. The segways put them in an authoritative position because they’re taller than everyone.
18:49 – Fort Worth based American Airlines is inspecting 56 of its 73 Boeing 767 jets after a routine normal inspection in maintenance found cracks in the pylons that attach the engines to the wings in two of the planes.
19:41 – On July 17, teen retail Abercrombie and Fitch will reinstate their racy quarterly catalog after a seven-year hiatus. You can preorder the catalog for $10 on their website. They originally produced them from 1997-2003 but had to stop after people complained because it’s crazy.
25:53 – The city council of Quincy, Mass. has unanimously approved a resolution to make public a list of the people who view pornography on public library computers. Using public library computers to access porn is against city policy but violators are given two warnings before they are banned.
29:47 – 38-year-old Michael Baumgartner of Madison, Wisc., was arrested inside of the play area of a local McDonald’s. About 20 kids were jumping in the colored plastic balls and sliding down the slides. One parent became suspicious when the man didn’t appear to be with any of the kids. They brought a policeman over to investigate him, and he was on his laptop. He had one hand on the laptop to pull up pornographic images and one hand on his penis masturbating it. He told the policeman he was sorry he was using “bad judgment.”
31:52 – 46-year-old Eamonn Daniel Higgins attended 10 different schools in Southern California from 2002-2009. Dozens of foreign students from the middle east paid him up to $1,500 to sit in their classes, take exams and write papers so their student visas would remain valid. He hired a staff to help him with this and almost 125 different students earned him over half a million dollars during this time. He was found with 60 different California IDs.
38:19 – A VA Hospital in Missouri has sent letters to more than 1,800 veterans who received dental work in the last year and a half. Some dental technicians at the hospitals broke protocol in the washing of dental tools and they may have exposed the 1,800 war veterans to HIV.
40:09 – Nursing homes have a reputation of being a safe nice place where they can just be them. The state of Illinois just conducted an investigation called “Operation Guardian” and they found that in 12 different old folks’ homes they found 61 patients blending in with the residents who had outstanding warrants. This was their way of sneaking out of the system. Offenses ranged from disorderly conduct to sex offenses to attempted murder. These fugitives from the law were living in the facilities undetected. Some of these patients were “extraordinarily young.”
44:52 – In less than three weeks, 8 children have died as a result of being left in or locked in sweltering vehicles. Doctors from pediatric centers suggest parents put a doll in the front seat to remind you of your child.
48:02 – Thomas Mundy is 51 years old and has been in a wheelchair since a 1988 motorcycle accident. He has filed more than 150 lawsuits in the past two years demanding damages from small businesses who violate the incredibly exacting requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. California has some of the strictest policies involving regulations. Him and his attorney rock-n-roll it and go out every day to sue small businesses that will get crazy fines unless they settle out of court for $10,000 here, $12,000 there, etc. They’ve each made more than $300,000. They’ve sued for everything from coat hooks on the backs of restroom doors being too high to paper towel dispensaries in laundromats being out of reach to condiments in fast food restaurants not being at the right height.
51:11 – Two blocks away from the Ed Hardy store on Melrose, there is a new store Seth drove across called Ana. M Lifestyle – Be a part of it. It’s 2 dudes from the south of Frnace who helped develop the Ed Hardy energy drink, Ed Hardy air freshener and Ed Hardy lighter. They’ve started their own line of clothing with two motifs – the skull or the clown. It’s crazy colors – turquoise, orange with lightning bolts and a jester hat – and you put a padlock necklace on it or something.
57:25 – Pampers diapers has had a really rough summer. It kicked off with the success of their Huggies Jeans, but then they had to deal with consumer complaints that their Dry Max Tech was causing severe rashes on the fastest kids in the world. They’re hoping to rebound in the coming weeks when they unveil their new line of diapers designed by popular designer Cynthia Rowley. The fashionable diapers will cost about $6 more and will come in pastels, stripes, madras and ruffles. They are available at Target.
9:32 – Alamo, Avis, Budget, Dollar, Enterprise, Hertz and Thrifty – all rental car companies. There was an ABC News investigative report that says that these companies routinely rent out vehicles that have been recalled by the manufacturer. The carmaker will send the notice to the rental office because the paperwork will show they purchased the vehicle for their fleet. There are too many cars to pull so they continue to rent them out because it’s too crazy. Seth says the story comes from a tragic story where a family had two daughters who were killed in a car wreck because things explode in the car and fill it up with black smoke and they drove it off the road. In the deposition, the manager of the store wearing a suit from Men’s Wearhouse just sits there like a douchebag with no answers.
21:05 – American theoretical physicist Michio Kaku, a specialist in string theory and futurist author, most recently of the book “Physics of the Impossible: A Scientific Exploration Into the World of Phasers, Forcefields, Teleportation and Time Travel,” was on The Colbert Report last week and told us that within two decades we will have fully operational invisibility cloaks.
24:18 – Ten years ago, the brand-new Chrysler PT Cruiser was the hottest car out of Detroit. So many were sold that people were put on waiting lists for them. But with just over 5,000 sold this year, the last one will be built in the next few days. Jah goes on record to say that if he were a rich man, he would buy the very last PT Cruiser ever made. Seth thinks Kid Rock had the very first one; Jah thinks his old housekeeper had the first one.
26:44 – Seth tells Jah he is holding an official court document in his hand from April 14, 1997 from Los Angeles Superior Court. It’s a case between Pietra Dawn Thornton, the plaintiff, and Billy Bob Thornton, the defendant. It’s a 25-page restraining order that Pietra took against Billy Bob. Approximately Dec. 1992, respondent went to a psychiatrist in West Hollywood, who diagnosed him as a manic depressive and prescribed lithium for him, which he was taking on a daily basis. Based on his promise to stay on the meds and continue treatment, Pietra moved back in with him. They agreed that if respondent “felt an episode coming,” he would leave their apartment in the Palisades and stay in their West Hollywood apartment until he was under control. They were married in February 1993. Approximately two months after they were married, Billy Bob told her he couldn’t take lithium anymore because it blocked his creativity and made him feel “like a piece of driftwood.” He promised if he ever lost control he would seek help. It’s then 15 pages of him going apeshit-wild on her. There was one particular incident when they spent the Christmas holidays in 1994 with his mother in native Arkansas: “In front of his mother and our children, respondent shoved me. He then left the room. His mother said, ‘What did you do to make him do that?’”
36:41 – 57-year-old Dane Eisenman of Connecticut responded to a classified advertisement for a high-powered rifle for sale. While filling out the paperwork he mentioned to the seller that he would be using the weapon to kill aliens. The seller was unsure if he meant space aliens or illegal aliens. Eisemnan said that every 36,000 years, aliens who live underneath the sun come to earth to kill humans and that he needed to be prepared because they’re going to be coming soon. The seller called local police, who arrested Eisenman because he is a convicted felon and legally cannot own a firearm.
37:54 – Jean-Paul Gaultier, a designer, had a show at French Fashion Week that was eye-popping. Invites to the show were printed on pairs of disposable 3D glasses, which the attendants of the show then put on their faces to see his new line of billowy silk ponchos covered in crescent moons, falling stars and orbiting planets, all jumping off the shirt in 3D patterns.
40:35 – Universal Studios has a new attraction called King Kong 3-D. Jah doesn’t want to hear about it: “Now I can cry in 3-D and still be mad.” (Episode 118, 17:04). It’s a 45-minute tram tour but this is only 3 minutes of the 45-minute tour. The cheapest tour is $59 and parking is $15. If you go to Universal, they also have these amazing attractions that are open to the public: The Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride, Jurassic Park: The Ride, Terminator 2: 3-D, The Simpsons Ride, Shrek 4-D, Universal Animal Acts, Waterworld, The Blues Brothers, Adventures of Curious George. Jah says it would be so cruel to deprive your children of the things you used to do as a child (like Universal Studios), but he doesn’t think as a man that he could bring himself to do it.
45:57 – 31-year-old 4-foot-11-inch Patricia Dye was arrested in Ohio posing as a 14-year-old boy named Matt Abrams in order to have sexual relations with a local 16-year-old girl. The two had spent three days in a hotel room together before the 16-year-old girl discovered that Abrams was an adult woman.
48:46 – The United States Post Office, which is $27 trillion in debt, wants to raise postal rates in January of 2011. The price of stamps for first-class mail will go from 44 cents to 46 cents and postcards will go from 28 cents to 30 cents (Episode 012, 51:41, Episode 013, 41:56; Episode 057, 56:29 and Episode 157, 8:06).
54:49 – Almost 13 years after it was passed, a municipal ordinance can be enforced that bans the International Society for Krishna Consciousness from panhandling at the Los Angeles International Airport.
58:33 – Archie Comics is getting its first gay character. The long-running comic said that an issue coming out in September will introduce its first openly gay character, Kevin Keller, to the student body at Riverdale High School. (Seth includes a side note to say that Riverdale is based on the high school Seth went to, Haverhill High School in Haverhill, Mass. Bob Montana, the creator of Archie Comics, was a Haverhill grad.) The strapping blonde will defeat Jughead in a burger-eating contest, win the affection of Veronica and wrestle over how to gently rebuff her flirtations. The title of the episode will be called “Isn’t It Bromantic?” Kevin just wants to chill with Jughead. They introduced Kevin to keep Archie Comics current and inclusive.
2:45 – The National Retail Federation said that the average U.S. family with students in kindgarten through high school will spend $606.40 on clothes, shoes and school supplies – a 10.5% increase from the $548.72 of 2009.
10:49 – Next month will bring the follow-up to Rhonda Burns’ epic work, The Secret (Episode 052, 0:17). Atria Books announced the first printing of 2 million copies of The Power: a guide to how “everyone is meant to have an amazing life.”
14:13 – Jah asks out loud if the oil leak is done. Seth thinks they capped it by putting the Fushigis in there like he told them (Episode 222, 17:25).
23:45 – Football training camp starts in August. The Baltimore Ravens say they will only allow 6- to 15-year-olds to get autographs from the players. Seth hopes he’s still allowed to be allowed Oxnard to smile and wave to his favorite Cowboys players.
28:02 – Shout Factory is responsible for taking old TV shows and putting them out on DVD. They’ve done American Gladiators, California Dreams, Mr. Belvedere, Designing Women, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, etc. On Aug. 10 they’re going to release the complete series of Max Headroom. Jah thinks it was the best.
29:51 – Toyota has a Facebook page. They want to know about people’s ‘Camry Tree:’ “Drive one, pass it down, buy another. Every owner has a story, or two, or 52. Tell us about your story.”
31:46 – The MLB All-Star Game, played last week, was the lowest-rated All-Star game ever. During the festivities in Anaheim they had the Home Run Derby, won by Boston Red Sox player David Ortiz. He was wearing Power Balance bracelets (Episode 191, 40:37) over both wristbands on both wrists.
35:56 – A Charlotte, N.C., company, ScentAir Technology, created an outdoor billboard for a local grocery chain named Bloom. They designed it to smell like grilled meat. The billboard is a tall fork with meat on the end of the fork, and high-powered fans on top of the sign emit a chemically-created odor of barbecued beef that can be smelled by cars driving by. A spokesman said, “Scents break through the mundane and overused marketing gimmicks to reach customers emotionally.” ScentAir has over 1,000 scents in their scent library – everything from sun in sand to clean cotton to fresh-brewed coffee, dinosaur breath and burning rubber.
43:00 – The ACLU is demanding that the St. Tammany Parish Jail in Louisiana stop forcing prisoners to wear tiny orange daisy dukes that say “HOT STUFF” on the ass.
44:14 – The YMCA stands for the Young Men’s Christian Association, but the Village People won’t be changing their hit song “The YMCA” just because the YMCA is changing their name and logo officially to “The Y.” Victor Willis is the lead singer of the group The Village People. He released a statement saying the switch won’t affect the song or the dance people use to spell it out.
50:57 – There’s a Pentagon questionnaire that’s been sent out to 400,000 troops. This is one of the questions: If “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed and you are assigned to share bathroom facilities with an open base shower with someone you believe to be a gay or lesbian service member, which are you most likely to do? A) Take no action, B) Use the shower at a different time than the service member I thought to be gay or lesbian, C) Discuss how we expect each other to behave ourselves and conduct ourselves, D) Talk to a chaplain, mentor or leader about how to handle the situation, E) Talk to a leader to see if I had other options, F) Something else, G) Don’t know
58:51 – The U.S. Secret Service removed $182,000,000 worth of counterfeit cash in 2009 – the most by far ever. The $20 bill is the most commonly counterfeited bill but the problem is that $1s and $5s are being counterfeited and those are never being checked.
8:48 – Two years ago, the 99 Cent Store raised the top price of its goods to 99.99 cents. They thought it was a clever marketing play that would increase sales and play up the chain’s love of the number 99. Some customers say they were not aware of this nearly 1-cent increase and felt duped into believing that they were paying only 99 cents. Because U.S. currency makes it impossible to pay 99.99 cents for everything, shoppers are essentially paying $1 plus tax at the register. The company is now facing two large class-action lawsuits for deceptive business practices targeting low-income earners and senior citizens.
13:39 – UC-Irvine will promote their new full-fledged academic program, available in fall of 2010 – Game Science. The new major will allow students access to the state-of-the-art center for computer games and virtual worlds. The curriculum will immerse the participants in a 100-percent full-throttle gaming environment.
16:05 – There’s a film coming out in October called The Stone. A convicted arsonist, played by Edward Norton, tries to manipulate his way out of prison by having his wife, played by Milla Jovovich, seduce his parole officer, played by Robert Deniro. Seth saw a still from this movie with Edward Norton as a convict wearing full cornrows.
18:55 – The Juggalos are having their 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos (Episode 177, 47:56) Aug. 12-15 at Cave Inn Rock, Ill. It’s $150 a ticket. You will get musical performances by Naughty by Nature, Warren G, Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Rob Bass and Slick Rick. Comedy will be by Tom Green, Ron Jeremy and Gallagher. “The greatest time you motherfucker will ever have. I put that on my nuts, bitch!” Also screening their film, Big Money Rustlers and also Big Money Hustlers – western movies that the Insane Clown Posse has made that feature western garb except for their makeup. Rules for the Gathering of the Juggalos are 1) No paint – other than the kind that goes on your face, 2) No nitris tanks, 3) No underwear that fails to cover your crack.
23:02 – An article in Sports Illustrated profiled the Iroquois indians and how they invented the sport of lacrosse. Baby boys are given a lacrosse stick in their cribs and men take their sticks with them when they are buried. The sticks are handmade by master craftsmen and it can take up to two years to make them. The 2010 Lacrosse World Championships are happening right now in Manchester, England. They’re held every four years and there are 30 countries competing. The 23 members of the Iroquois Nationals – their logo is an N circled with 7, meaning 7 generations – had to forfeit their games because the British government refused to let them travel to Manchester, not recognizing their Iroquois national passports.
26:43 – According to Newsweek, the number of reality TV shows in 2000 was four. In 2010, the number is 320. Time spent online was 2.7 hours per week, now it’s up to 18 hours per week. In 2000 there were 100,000,000 Google searches per day, now there are 2 billion. In 2000 there were 400,000 text messages sent in the entire year, and in 2010 it was 4.5 billion.
33:12 – Seth was reading in the Health section of the Los Angeles Times, where he found that the Director of Sports Nutrition from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and the Director of the National Institute for Athletic Health and Performance at the Stanford School of Medicine at the University of South Dakota are letting people know that sports drinks are for peak performance recovery and are not intended for people sitting in front of the computer doing no physical activity.
39:24 – According to the Washington Post, there are somewhere around 854,000 American citizens who hold top-secret security clearance within the U.S. government agencies.
42:09 – Sheriff’s deputies say a disgruntled former employee of a Los Angeles bondage parlor set the blaze that destroyed the Passive Arts Studio bondage club near LAX this week and killed the man inside who’s believed to be one of the owners of the club. David Edward Albert, 53, was booked this week on suspicion of arson and murder in connection with the fire. Deputies found him across the street from the blaze hiding in the bushes. Seth tried going to the website and it said “Down until further notice.” Seth discovered that it’s such a huge story in the bondage community – it had seven dungeons, torture chamber, interrogation room, classroom, office, etc. It was LA’s largest, most elegant and best-equipped play area – one of the best in the nation – founded in 1974 by 2 guys who had a love for “the lifestyle.”
52:14 – A 44-year-old man from Craig, Alaska, by the name of Kevin Carle, has admitted intentionally on two different occasions ramming endangered humpback whales on a jet-powered boat, violating U.S. laws protecting animals. He admitted in a plea agreement he twice struck humpback whales with his employer’s 34-foot boat as the animals breached the water’s surface. The fate of the whales is unclear. He paid a $1,000 fine and is on two years’ probation. He’s working for a helicopter logging company out of Portland, ferrying loggers and supplies to the sites. There were people from the company on the boat who witnessed him going off course to run down the whales on top speed. Reached at his new job for an exclamation: “I just want it to be over and done with.”
57:08 – Seth talks about the Grim Reaper Sleeper guy in LA, who killed about 50 prostitutes. There was a dude who knew him who saw a pair of panties fall out of his glovebox. All the guy ever did was talk about killing hookers.
1:17:52 – In Dalonega, Georgia, a newborn zedonk (unusual cross between a donkey and a zebra) is attracting attention at the Chestatee Wildlife Preserve in North Georgia. The animal has a zebra father and a donkey mother, and black stripes predominantly displayed on her legs and face. She was born at the preserve about a week ago and has zebra-like instincts, sitting up as opposed to laying on her side. Donkeys and zebras do not usually mate but zedonks do turn up occasionally. Seth then says “Honky Tonk Zedonkadonk.” (Episode 001, 18:29)
7:48 – On Sept. 29, 2007, Young Jeezy crashed his white Lamborghini Murciélago when it was hit by a taxi crossing Peachtree Street outside of Sean “Puffy” Combs’ restaurant called Justin in Jeezy’s hometown of Atlanta, Ga. The crash has given Jeezy “a new appreciation for life.”
9:18 – On Aug. 1, 2009, Billy Currington suffered a concussion at the Big Valley Jamboree in Camrose, Alberta, Canada, after the stage he was performing on collapsed during a giant windstorm.
13:42 – “Mindfreak” Carlos Marcia just opened his third branch of his restaurant chain, Maggie Rita’s Mexican Grill and Bar, in Galveston, Texas. The first one is in Houston, Texas and the second one is in New Orleans.
25:05 – NASA scientists have come across a new form of space weather called “spacequakes.” Spacequakes are strong vibrations in the planet’s magnetic field. They can affect auroras and generate space twisters. They can fail power lines and bash grids out via “unseen forces.”
32:35 – The Little League World Series, starting next week in Williamsport, Pa., will feature instant replay for the 11-, 12- and 13-year-olds on virtually everything except balls and strikes.
41:26 – The USPS issues stamps, which Seth is down with. From what he’s reading, here are some of their books of stamps: Scouting, Sunday Funnies, Katharine Hepburn, Cowboys of the Silver Screen, etc. Seth thinks they should flip the script and get crazy with their stamps and make Justin Bieber designs so kids will send letters just to use those crazy stamps. Jah thinks they need to flip it and make a “Huge Hollywood Cocks” collection featuring Milton Berle and James Woods.
44:23 – The Princeton Review has released its annual edition of Best Party Schools 2010. For the 12th straight year, Brigham Young University in Salt Lake City was voted “Most Stone-Cold Sober School.”
59:50 – 5 most stolen cars in 2009 – 5) Chevy Corvette, 4) Dodge Charger, 3) Infiniti G37 Coupe, 2) Ford F-150 pickup truck, 1) Cadillac Escalade
1:05:31 – Mosquitos carry malaria and it still continues to kill around 1 million people each year. Scientists at the University of Arizona have been doing research to alter the mosquito’s DNA, making it 100% resistant to the disease. They are also shortening its life span to stop the growth of the malarial parasites. The next step after this is to release the modified mosquito into the wild, where it can conquer the world’s existing mosquito species. Scientists have never replaced a natural species with one of their own creations, and these genetically modified organisms are already coming under fire by several groups.
7:47 – Eli Broad, a Los Angeles philanthropist who made his fortune in real estate and insurance, and his wife Edith has more than 1,500 works of both modern and contemporary art in his personal collection worth over $5 billion. He is one of the wealthiest people in the world. He has a theater named after him in Santa Monica called the Broad Stage, and they have a black box space called the Eden Theater. The “Under the Radar Series” will feature Uhh Yeah Dude live on Saturday, Oct. 2, 2010 at 7:30 p.m. You can go to thebroadstage.com or call 310-434-3200. Tickets are $22 each plus a $5 handling charge. Jah says Alfred (Daedelus) played there and it is very nice.
14:22 – Blackberry smart phones have officially gotten podcast support through their launch of Blackberry Podcasts. Most phones can download podcasts through Appworld, but the new Blackberry Torch will find it built-in.
26:14 – Stephen Hawking is telling us that we need to abandon earth. In an interview with the website Big Think, he warned that the long-term future of the planet is in outer space. It’s going to be difficult to avoid a disaster in the next 100 years.
42:45 – It took Twitter four years to reach their 10 billionth tweet. It took them 5 months to go from 10 billion tweets to 20 billion tweets. Jah thinks it’s an unnavigatable format, as far as he’s concerned. The only tweets he reads are the ones they make fun of on the show.
47:42 – A U.S. immigrant from China was sentenced to 37 months in prison for trafficking more than 1 million counterfeit Trojan condoms. His name is Jian “Jimmy” Wang. He was sentenced by the U.S. district judge Brian Cogan in Brooklyn. Condoms that were tested from the same batch as Wang’s were found to burst, leak and lacked spermicide. The magnum brands he had were smaller than they should be and the ribbed models had no ribs. Investigators found hundreds of thousands of condoms in the basement of Wang’s Dollar Store.
53:54 – Michael Wayne Edwards Jr., 28, from Maryland, assailed his victims with a bottle filled with semen. It began last November when a woman observed a man following her as she strolled through a Michaels craft store in Washington, D.C. She noticed a gooey substance on her backside and it was later determined to be human semen. It would take almost 8 months for him to strike again. On July 15 police were summoned to a Giant grocery store in Gaithersburg after a woman reported having some sort of foreign substance squirted into her hair. The woman told authorities that she was inside the store shopping when she felt something drip onto her. When she asked the young man behind her in the aisle if he had noticed anything, he acted “flip.” Outside the store, the woman asked a friend if she noticed anything on her. “Yes,” her shopping buddy said, “there’s something nasty on you, and it looks like semen.” The semen-stained shopper then spotted the man she’d talked to earlier in the store. She approached him but she took off. Using surveillance videos and records from the store, investigators soon identified Edwards as the assailant. Footage from the security cameras not only showed him squirting the victims from a hand sanitizer bottle, it also showed him taking a picture of the assault with his cell phone. Forensic tests have already confirmed that the substance Edwards discharged from the bottle was semen. The victim saved her soiled skirt and shirt and DNA testings are pending.
3:08 – If Seth could be so bold, it’s basically all about thermogenetics – heating it up from the inside. 9:15 – Newsweek profiles “The Best Country In The World Is…” and on page 32 it shows us Finland. USA ranks No. 11.
20:15 – In the event of an imminent death in your immediate family, you can get some type of a discounted airline ticket to go home – called a “bereavement fare.” This includes spouse, domestic partner, child, parent, sister, brother, stepparent, stepchild, grandparent, grandchild, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, stepbrother, stepsister, mother-in-law, father-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, or sister-in-law. Seth is disappointed that there’s nothing in there for a step-grandchild, which he initially thinks would exclude Jeff. Jah corrects this.
23:26 – With the global population pressing against food supplies and vast areas of the ocean swept clean of fish, Tiny Aqua Bounty Technologies Inc. of Waltham, Mass., says it can help feed the world. The firm has developed genetically engineered salmon that reach market weight in half the usual time. They get to 8 pounds in 18 months instead of the normal 36. What’s more, it hopes to avoid the pollution, disease and other problems associated with saltwater fish farms by having its salmon raised in inland facilities. The FDA has yet to approve what would be the nation’s first commercially genetically modified food animal. Some people are calling them “frankenfish.”
29:19 – SmarterTravel.com compiled a list of the 10 scariest airports in the world based on the suggestions of pilots and passengers: 10) John Wayne Airport in Orange County, Calif. – this is because the planes take off on an extremely short runway and climb at an extremely steep grade with the engines going at full bore on takeoff.
38:00 – A poll on AskMen.com says that 60% of male teens would punch a co-worker in the face if they could get away with it. 40% would punch their boss if there were no repercussions for it. This urge decreases with age. Apparently 20% of 50-year-olds and above would do it.
41:09 – After an office worker has been charged with twice ejaculating into a female’s bottle of water, Michael Kevin Lallana faces two counts of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault for sexual gratification. The first alleged offense is said to have happened in January at the offices of the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company in Newport Beach, Calif. Lallana, 31, is accused of entering the victim’s office and masturbating into a bottle on her desk, which she later drank – unaware that it had been contaminated. Police said she felt sickened and irritated and then threw the water away. He is alleged to have repeated the offense in April at the company’s Orange branch – which they had both recently been transferred to. This time the victim, who is in her 20s, sent the bottle off to a private lab to be tested after drinking it. The results showed that the water had been contaminated with semen. His DNA was linked to the crime and he was arrested outside of his home in Fullerton by officers from the Orange Police Department. If found guilty, he could be jailed for three years. He has been released on $500 bail.
48:12 – Beloit College (Episode 181, 43:21) in Wisconsin released their Mindset List for incoming college students, who only have knowledge of 1992 and beyond: Sam Kinison has always been dead … “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caff vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo … colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause … Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways … these kids have never twisted a coiled handset around their wrist while chatting on the telephone … they have never recognized pointing at their wrist is a request for time of day … second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen … seems the post office has always been going broke. (There are 75 of these statements.)
54:34 – Sextortion: using pictures that were sexted to demand more and more explicit pics or sexual favors
55:19 – Embedded with all videos taken with GPS-equipped smartphones or digital cameras are something called “geotags.” This bit of data provides the longitude or latitude of where the picture was taken, hence providing a bit more information than maybe intended. Disabling the tags can be very very difficult. There’s a website, icanstalkyou.com, which provides step-by-step instructions for iPhones, Blackberrys, Androids or Palms on how to disable geotags on photographs.
2:37 – Kellogg’s opened up a Pop-Tarts store in Times Squre where you can get 25 different flavors of Pop-Tarts, get a variety sampler, t-shirts, etc. Marcia says she would rather have a Toaster Streudel. Some of the Pop-Tart flavors include Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Wild Tropical Blast, Hot Fudge Sundae, etc.
6:59 – This fall, Continental Airlines – which had been the last major holdout – will stop offering free food on all of their domestic coach flights. An airline spokesman said the upside to this was you’ll be paying for food but it has resulted in a much better product – regional microbrews, avocado hummus, roast beef sliders, signature chicken Caesar salads. It’s hard to do good food apparently because of cabin pressure and lack of humidity and a host of other factors.
10:36 – Walt Disney Co. is building expensive new homes in a new gated community at its Florida resort. Thirty of the 450 homes will be available for purchase this year. The prices will range from $1.5 million to $8 million each.
12:19 – The Army Soldier Systems Center in Natick, Mass., employs food technologists to make the military’s MREs (meals ready-to-eat), which the soldiers have nicknamed “meals rarely edible,” “meals rejected by the enemy” and “meals refusing exit.” They have meatballs in marinara, spicy buffalo chicken, southwest beef and black bean, etc. Each has 1,200 calories to sustain the soldier.
14:13 – The newest workplace corporate team builder exercise is taking the office to kids’ places. Pump It Up offers bouncers, inflatable jousting bats, inflatable slides, skee-ball, etc.
16:30 – After he dies, Christopher Hill plans to speak to his grandchildren, great-grandchildren and even future generations from beyond the grave – but not with a psychic medium or with his last will and testament, but with a microchip. “I think that when you walk by a gravestone and see things like only a few words and a name or a date, it can be cold and personal and almost incomplete,” said the 41-year-old from Northern Virginia, who talked to ABC News. “This new gravestone is supposed to tell the story of a person and provide you with a connection and emotional remembrance.” With new technology developed by a Phoenix, Ariz., company, he now thinks this could be real. Launched by Objects LLC, personal Rosetta Stones, or iPod stone tablets, embedded with RFID – Radio Frequency Identification Tags – can store up to 1,000 words or a picture. When they’re near a mobile phone equipped with compatible technology, the information in the microchip is beamed right onto the cell phone screen. Objects says the tags – which can be affixed to headstones – can last for 3,200 years.
18:32 – Catholics lifted the ban for cremation in 1963, but the ashes were not allowed to be in any sort of funeral service. In 1997, they changed that so you could make it part of the service, but you couldn’t scatter them – only bury them.
21:36 – As baby boomers age, more families are faced with the question of what to do with their older parents. Some are trying to avoid nursing homes and are turning to a company called Med Cottage – tiny dwellings that can be parked in the backyard, hooked up to your water and electricity. Some people are calling them “granny pods.” They’re big enough for a bed, small kitchen and a bath. It includes a camera at ground level that maintains privacy but also allows you to see if they’re lying on the floor.
23:19 – Sadly, about 32,000 U.S. adults kill themselves each year. The 2008 survey found that an estimated 8.3 million people ages 18 and older had serious thoughts. 2.3 million of those made a distinct suicide plan and about one-half of those actually attempted suicide.
25:14 – San Francisco became the first city in the nation to ban plastic grocery bags in 2007, but since then only one other city in the entire state – Malibu, in 2009 – has followed suit. Each year California dispenses 19 billion plastic bags.
27:28 – Moms in New York staged a bake-in at City Hall to protest rules that banned homemade goods from public school bake sales because they don’t list nutritional content. The protestors held up signs that read, PURE, NOT PROCESSED, because the Department of Education does allow Doritos and Pop-tarts.
32:30 – The Roman Observer is the Vatican’s “semi-official daily Italian newspaper.” It covers all of the Pope’s activities and is headquartered in Vatican City. They have released their list of the Top 10 Albums of All Time: 10) Supernatural by Carlos Santana, 9) What’s the Story? (Morning Glory) by Oasis, 8) Achtung Baby by U2, 7) Graceland by Paul Simon, 6) Thriller by Michael Jackson, 5) The Nightfly by Donald Fagan, 4) Rumors by Fleetwood Mac, 3) Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd, 2) If I Could Only Remember My Name by David Crosby, and 1) Revolver by The Beatles.
36:36 – There is a year-long waiting list at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago to volunteer as a cuddler – someone who holds premature babies in a blanket for several hours to soothe the infant, giving them a human touch.
39:30 – An article in the San Francisco Chronicle tells us that for 20 years, scientists and biologists have been living on the Farallon Islands, 27 miles west of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. It’s one of the world’s most environmentally fragile ecosystems. It’s part of the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service. The researchers there have kept a dream journal for 20 years, a daily log of their dreams. All people who live there tend to have eerily similar dreams. They’re called “island invasion dreams” because they’re about animals turning against the humans and getting buck-wild and banding together to take over the island – pelicans wearing roller skates and shooting machine guns.
41:37 – Henry M. Gunn High School is in the affluent high-achieving part of the Silicon Valley in Palo Alto, Calif. In the last six months, four students from the high school have committed suicide near where the East Meadow Drive crosses the Caltrain’s tracks.
51:01 – 21-year-old Nikolas Colton Evans was punched outside of an Austin bar and died. A judge has granted a request by his mother for someone to harvest sperm from her dead son’s body to fulfill, she says, his wish of fathering three boys of his own.
6:22 – James Cameron is going to re-release Avatar, a special edition that includes nine minutes of never-before-seen footage including an appearance of the sturmbeests – dinosaur-like creatures who aid the Na’vi in the final jungle scene.
22:34 – Jah reads from an Aug. 23 article about an invisible heat-beam weapon developed in secrecy by the military and is now set for use in U.S. prisons. Law enforcement officials recently revealed plans to use the non-lethal device at the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department’s Pitchess Detention Center in Castaic, Calif. It is a weapon that shoots an invisible beam of energy. It would be used in the prisoners’ dormitory to stop an assault and/or break up a fight. It’s called the Assault Intervention Device. It’s made by Raytheon. It uses millimeter waves to heat the top layer of skin causing an intense burning sensation that forces the person being targeted to move away immediately.
31:37 – June 16 was Family Day at the Adult Diagnostic and Treatment Center in Avenel, N.J. It is a specialized prison filled with only sex offenders. The program was attended by 210 inmates and 534 relatives. 116 of the relatives were children. One convicted sex offender touched the breasts of a 9-year-old niece of a fellow inmate. He had no visitors but was still allowed to attend. The NJ Department of Corrections promises an overhaul ceremony.
42:35 – Dan Duffy has been running a chiropractic practice out of a strip mall in Perry, Iowa, for the last 12 years. A patient filed a complaint that when she was being examined for a back injury, while lying on her stomach with her shirt pulled up, Duffy began massaging her lower back and buttocks area. He then briefly left the room and returned and she claimed she heard him unzip his pants and described a “masturbating-like sound.” She left the exam with her mother and they drove to the police station and she had her back swabbed. Evidence confirmed sperm from her back matched Dan Duffy’s DNA.
45:22 – In 1987 Congress enacted the Nursing Home Reform Law to address evidence of widespread abuse of nursing home patients. “The states followed suit with a strong set of regulations that would guarantee the residents were free from abuse and had quality of care and real quality of life,” says Robin Grant, a national senior care advocate who was involved in drafting some of these rules. Apparently there a lot of residents who request nurses based specifically on race, and because of patients’ rights a black nurse can’t legally help a man who fell to the floor. “Tension over patients’ rights and race come up occasionally in virtually every state in the U.S.,” says Steven Maag, director of assisted living and continued care at the American Association of Homes and Assisted Care for the Aging. “You have to remember, the nursing home residents grew up in the time of Jim Crow. Even in the north, they regressed back.”
53:38 – USA Today had an analysis of all federal aviation accident records for the past 10 years. They found that flaws in the flight simulator training that all commercial airline pilots go through are the cause of almost all commercial airplane crashes. That is to say that the National Transportation Safety Board said habits taught in training have led to catastrophic mistakes. Things that pilots did in order to avoid crashes directly led to crashes (i.e.) altitude choices, rudder choices and speed choices.
19:22 – Law enforcement officials in Puerto Rico say the island has been inundated with registered sex offenders from the U.S. mainland due to the face that restrictions are much less strict than in the states. There are no laws barring them from living near parks or schools. Failing to register as a sex offender is only a misdemeanor in Puerto Rico as opposed to a felony in the States. That and the fact that they need no passport and beachfront property can cost as little as $300 a month, older sex offenders can live off their social security checks and just party.
32:24 – Government agents can sneak onto your property in the middle of the night and put a GPS device on the bottom of your car and keep track of everywhere you go. This does not violate your Fourth Amendment rights because without a gate or a “No Trespassing” sign, you do not have any reasonable expectation for privacy in your own driveway. That is the bizarre and scary rule that now applies in California and eight other western states. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit, which covers this vast jurisdiction, recently decided the government can monitor you in this way virtually any time it wants with no warrants needed whatsoever.
42:38 – MIT has an Age Lab. It’s to help figure out problems that affect people as they get older. They have designed an aging body suit and helmet called the Age Gain Now Empathy System, or AGNES. It helps someone to understand the aches and limitations of people 75 years or older. The suit contains stretchy rubber bands that limit muscle flexing, resist movement, lessen physical sensation, limit depth perception and mess with balance/imbalance. The researchers are then put in the suit and set loose in a grocery store to experience old age.
48:05 – The San Francisco County Jail in San Bruno, Calif., has installed 16 condom machines – one for each inmate pod for the roughly 750 inmates in the prison.
57:30 – 3.3 million Americans are allergic to peanuts. As a result, some airlines including American and United refrain from serving peanuts. The Department of Transportation offered three alternatives: 1) An outright ban on peanuts on all major airlines, 2) A peanut ban on specific flights carrying passengers with peanut allergies, or 3) A peanut-free zone created on planes around passengers with peanut allergies. Southwest Airlines, the low-fare carrier that served 90 million bags of peanuts last year, has already adopted a procedure to address passengers with peanut allergies. If a passenger notifies an airline in advance, Southwest will not offer peanuts on that flight – replacing them with an alternative such as pretzels. Because so many peanuts are served on flights, however, the spokesman recommends that people with peanut allergies fly early in the day when peanut residue is at a minimum.
1:53 – Jonathan and Seth believe in the therapeutic healing power of touch. A single massage can produce measurable changes in the immune system and endocrine system of healthy adults. If Jah and Seth were rich men, they would get massages every day. Seth would need to establish a rapport with a man or woman before he got one, and he would need to keep his chonies on.
5:08 – According to a paper in the Journal of Headache Pain, if you use headache medications more than 15 times per month you risk developing a condition called MOH (Medication Overuse Headache). It is the aggravation of your headaches and an increase in their overall frequency.
33:57 – Georgetown University has a class, Philosophy 194, called Hallucinating. It is taught by James Mattingly. “We all make mistakes. We all sometimes remember things that didn’t really happen, and sometimes forget things that really did. We all get confused by optical illusions and the phantom pains and issues. We all sometimes believe false things other people tell us. We all sometimes confuse our dreams for reality. We all sometimes believe things because we really want them to be, even though we have good reason for thinking they aren’t. And sometimes we’re just plain hallucinating. How can we be sure we’re not mistaken about everything? What kinds of things can we know for sure? What is knowledge anyway? We’ll look at some old, not-so-old and even less old answers to and ways of thinking about these questions. Some of these will come from philosophers, but some will come as well from science, science fiction, literature, film, art, etc. The views we come across will be very different and we will spend a lot of time trying to sort out our own reactions to these questions. We’ll all probably end up with different answers ourselves, but then at least they’ll be our own answers. And we’ll have good reason for them. That’s the philosophy part.” They’ll be looking at The Matrix, Existence, Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, William Burrow’s The Naked Lunch, Ellison’s The Invisible Man, Hume’s A Treatise of Human Nature, in part, recent research in cognitive science and psychology, Star Trek: the pilot episode, “The Cage,” some selections from Stanislaw Lem (the good stuff), some more philosophy stuff, parts of Don Quixote, religion and other mass delusions. Credits: 3. Prerequisites: none. Just an open mind.
38:52 – 33-year-old Richard Lorenc of Kansas had always been curious about his birth parents. Busy with a wife and two young daughters and a beautiful family of his own, but a recent back injury left him not only time to ponder that but also some medical questions in his rehabilitation. He called up the Department of Social Services in Kansas and asked if they could track down his parents. A letter came back six weeks later with the identity of his mother, 62-year-old Vivian Wheeler, who was living in Bakersfield, Calif. He set out to meet her. Turns out she was a Seventh-Day Adventist who was born a hermaphrodite with werewolf syndrome. Her father forced her from a very young age to be in a traveling circus as a freak show entity. She had 33-year-old Richard in her late 20s when she was fucked by a carny at a stop in Nebraska. The carny said she would not let her raise this child and stole him away from her. They found young Richard abandoned in a hotel in Atlanta when he was three years old, covered in bruises and bedbug bites. Fortuntately he was adopted by a loving family and grew up to have a beautiful life of his own.
42:48 – Men’s Health magazine rated the U.S. cities in their annual “Hotbeds of Sex” (Episode 114, 3:16). It was based on condom sales, birth rates, sex toy sales and the rates of STDs. The five top cities for sexual activity were: 5) Denver, Colo., 4) Durham, N.C., 3) Columbus, Ohio, 2) Dallas, Texas and 1) Austin, Texas. The five least active cities were 5) Manchester, N.H., 4) Charleston, W.Va., 3) Yonkers, N.Y., 2) Burlington, Vt., and 1) Portland, Maine.
57:06 – According to The Consumerist, a McDonald’s just closed in northeastern California, changing the “McFarthest Spot,” which is the number of miles that you are possibly able to be farthest away from a McDonald’s. Previously it was 107 miles. Now it is 115 miles.
59:12 – The FAA is reviewing a new airline seat designed to get more customers onto planes. The Skyrider seat would be a new class below coach. The seat is almost completely vertical and is shaped like a horse saddle. It has at least seven inches less than a traditional coach seat.
6:52 – Luxury car maker Bentley has recalled 596 vehicles that are currently stalking U.S. streets because the famous winged-bee hood ornament can become corroded and not fold down during driving, causing serious injury if the car was to strike a pedestrian.
11:11 – Mark David Chapman is the gentleman who shot and killed John Lennon outside of the Dakota in New York City on Dec. 8, 1980. He considered killing Johnny Carson but the ex-Beatle was more accessible. J-dawg said it was because he traveled through underground walkways. Seth thinks it would’ve been weird if Chapman killed Johnny Carson.
20:29 – A woman in Wisconsin was almost choked to death by her ex-boyfriend. She fought for her life and endured cuts and scratches on her throat and face. Her case was assigned to the Wisconsin District Attorney. The DA is also the chairman of a crime victim’s rights group. While prosecuting her case, after he met her, he sent her 30 sexual text messages in three days after meeting her. Some examples: “I’m the attorney. I have the $350,000 house. I have the six-figure career. You may be the tall, hot, young nymph, but I’m the prize. … Are you the kind of girl that likes secret conduct with an older, married, elected DA? The riskier, the better. … I want you to be so hot and treat me so well. Are you that good?” Another woman came out and said he invited her to an autopsy provided she would be his girlfriend and wear high heels and a miniskirt.
27:20 – The U.S. Transportation Department doesn’t know how many dogs have traveled on commercial airlines, but it recently tallied how many have died on planes in the last five years. The analysis showed that a surprising number of dogs who died on commercial flights were short-faced or smash-faced dogs like pugs. Airlines are required to report pet deaths but not the total number of pets transported. Of the 122 dogs that have died on planes since May of 2005, about half of them were short-faced, including 25 English bulldodgs, 11 pugs, 6 french bulldogs, 2 boxers and 2 pekinese. Still, the federal agency said that in general it is safe to transport pets by plane. The dogs with short faces may be at higher risk because such breeds are prone to respiratory problems – typically they don’t breathe as efficiently as other breeds, said Kimberly Ann May, a veterinarian and spokeswoman for the American Veterinary Medical Association.
32:17 – The Arms Room opened up in League City, Texas, in an abandoned Circuit City. It includes a state-of-the-art 15-lane gun range, a massive gun shop from pistols to AKs, an antiques firearms store within the gun store, an on-site gunsmith, classes to get your Texas concealed handgun license, etc.
35:10 – Seth references a story about a 42-year-old guy who killed himself at the Firing Line Indoor Shooting Range in Burbank. It has a history of self-inflicted shooting deaths. At least 2 people have gone there and done it. They now have a two-person minimum at the shop, with the hopes that someone would be less likely to commit suicide in front of another friend.
39:37 – The United Nations convened this week in NYC for the 65th General Assembly. There are 192 member states. Seth saw some examples of diplomatic immunity being used effectively. The most common offense is parking tickets, followed by theft. Secret Service agents arrested a Mexican diplomat in New Orleans in 2008. He stole a bunch of White House staffers’ Blackberrys and flew back to Mexico with them. In 2005, diplomats from Zaire were staying in an apartment in New York, racked up $4,000 in rent, didn’t pay it and left. Phillipine diplomats took an office space, turned it into a restaurant, bank and travel agency, rang up a $1 million tax bill, didn’t pay it and left. Murder is rare but it happens. In 1984, Libyan diplomats shot and killed a police officer from the window in their embassy in London and never admitted fault.
50:04 – There’s new contracts with City Hall that mandate Time Warner Cable and Cablevision in New York must give customers a month of free service for being late to their appointments.
53:38 – When it comes to counterfeit cash, the game is basically hot potato. Whoever gets stuck with it last gets burned – whether it’s the bank or the local post office.
59:36 – As part of a public art project in Cambridge, Mass., parking enforcement officers were given 40,000 special parking tickets that feature instructions for stress-reducing yoga poses on the back of the tickets, such as the Citation Salutation – a play on the Sun Salutation. The city transportation chief said, “It’s trying to debunk the idea that all parking tickets are a hostile action, because I don’t think they are.”
5:23 – Monday, Oct. 11 is National Coming Out Day.
5:50 – County penal institutions in at least eight states have adopted a trend in “jail mail,” requiring inmates to send and receive only postcards (Seth Style). Officials say multiple stamped envelopes can contain drugs on the backs of the stamps, and longer letters can contain coded messages, while weapons can be hidden in packages with multiple items. Some inmates don’t feel like using the postcards because it draws attention to their home. In Colorado Springs, the inmates must use a postcard that features the prison on the front of the postcard.
9:28 – The number of pounds gained by women with obese roommates their freshman year of college is .5 pounds. The number of pounds gained by women with thin roommates is 2.5 pounds.
12:32 – James Franco got his MFA in Creative Writing from Columbia University and fell asleep in his lecture. Now he’s claiming he got a D in his acting class.
35:09 – According to the National Retail Federation, Americans plan to spend an average of $66.28 on costumes, decorations and candy. It is up from the national average of $56.31. 4 in 10 people say they plan on dressing up, which is the highest ever in this survey. Jah assumes they’re talking about adults.
38:06 – A New Hampshire couple got a newsletter from Parenting magazine. It was called “Holiday Hints.” The newsletter showed a young child playing in an open suitcase with her genitals clearly exposed. The family alerted the newsletter to the photo immediately, then received this statement from Parenting expressing regret at publishing the photo: “Hello. Thank you for getting in touch with us to express your concern over the unquestionably inappropriate photo which mistakenly appeared in our most recent newsletter. The staff of Parenting deeply regrets the unintentional inclusion of this image – a photograph taken by a professional photographer and intended to be cropped for appropriate viewing.”
40:27 – Transportation Security Administration believes giving workers greater access to intelligence will help stop terrorist attacks. They’re expanding the number of employees with “secret clearances” to 10,000 – which is 1/6 of the entire agency’s workforce. The clearances gives agency employees access to information that has been labeled “classified.”
9:45 – Seth read an article in Time magazine about a device for amnesiacs called the “Sense Cam” – a small camera that hangs from a woman’s neck and takes a photograph every 30 seconds of her daily activities. When she gets home she flips through the pictures to remember what her day was like.
13:05 – FBI agents arrested a 56-year-old man named Donald Curtis, who was visiting his bank robber son at a prison in Colorado. They had monitored several calls his son had placed to him detailing the smuggling of drugs into the prison. He planned to smuggle a golf-ball size chunk of black tar heroin stuffed inside the finger of a rubber glove and insterted into his rectum. He would then get it to his son by removing it from his rectum, putting it into his mouth and exchanging it to his son through a mouth-to-mouth kiss. Jah is a son who is not afraid to kiss his father on the mouth, but the other stuff is on a way different level.
14:45 – County penal institutions in at least eight states have adopted a trend in “jail mail,” requiring inmates to send and receive only postcards (Seth Style). Officials say multiple stamped envelopes can contain drugs on the backs of the stamps, and longer letters can contain coded messages, while weapons can be hidden in packages with multiple items. Some inmates don’t feel like using the postcards because it draws attention to their home. In Colorado Springs, the inmates must use a postcard that features the prison on the front of the postcard.
15:32 – George Lopez almost died five years ago. His wife, Ann, gave him one of her kidneys because he was on death’s door. He repaid her by divorcing her this week. Jah is not a fan of Lopez.
19:43 – October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jah polls the crowd to see if mammograms are the worst. His understanding is that they’re rough, especially for women with bigger breasts that get mashed into a metal thing.
31:39 – An audio engineer at General Motors created a playlist to test your car stereo to see if the audio was up to snuff. His first selection was Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones, and then he busted out some Boom Boom Pow by the Black-Eyed Peas when he got out on the road.
32:50 – Halloween’s coming up, and Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network has posted on their website a blog entry warning Christians to forego celebrating Halloween because of its evilness. “During this period, demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities of Halloween. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent. Whether they get it door-to-door or by getting it from the store, demons don’t know the difference.
41:51 – In 2007, more babies were born in the U.S. than in any other year in the nation’s history. Experts think that the recession led many to put off having children. The birth rate in 1909 was 30 births for every 1,000 people, and last year it was 14 births for every 1,000 people.
45:16 – Strong earthquakes along the San Andreas Fault are more frequent than previously thought. The dreaded big one could be just around the corner, U.S. researchers said last week. University of California at Irvine and Arizona State examined geological records stretching back 700 years and found that published in the magazine Geology that it’s on right now.
2:41 – Seth reads an intra-office memo sent within the Disney Company. Subject: Recall – Domestic Only – The Disney Channel episode of “Dance Off” on the television show Good Luck Charlie Original air date: May 2, 2010. “Standards and practices is recalling the above episode of Good Luck Charlie entitled ‘Dance Off’ for an S&P fix during the cold open of program where a character is wearing a t-shirt depicting a clock set to the time 4:20 (Cannabis culture code for marijuana). Production will be fixing in-house. The recall is immediate and applies to domestic and digital platforms only. At this time, Standards & Practices is not requesting a global recall.”
13:01 – Round-abouts are a circular alternative to stoplights. They’re very common abroad in Europe, where they eliminate one of driving’s most dangerous moves – the left-hand turn into oncoming traffic.
20:10 – Accountemps conducts their jargon study (Episode 184, 36:34) once every five years. Yahoo! Finance got in touch with them and was handed over to their corporate parent company, Robert Half International, a global staffing firm. Yahoo! combined the results from RHI with CBS’ Moneywatch employees to see what the buzzwords were throughout the finance and business world that are in heavy rotation right now: in transition, brand, space, go offline, transparent, bandwidth, KPI (Key Performance Indicators and skill set.
47:00 – For the first time, the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration will be using female crash test dummies to simulate crashes that feature women.
57:43 – The American Psychiatric Association will publish an updated version of its Manual of Diagnostic Disorders in May 2013. They are currently debating whether or not to include “parental alienation” – a term conveying how a child’s relationship with one estranged parent can be poisoned by the other parent.
1:00:27 – The Department of Homeland Security made a video for hotel employees telling them to be extra vigilant. The dark-skinned man in the video parks a Chevy Cav in front of the hotel and walks away from it. The valet runs after him telling him he can’t leave the car. They show a maid opening a suitcase that has wires coming out of it, and the maid, because she’s extra vigilant, reports it to hotel authorities.
4:41 – Antivirus software company AVG conducted a poll of mothers with children under the age of 2 to see when their child’s “online presence” or “digital footprint” began. The average age is 6 months, with more than 70% of moms posting baby and toddler pictures on Facebook, parenting blogs, personal websites, Flickr, etc. By the age of 2, the percentage is 81%. 33% of children have had pictures posted of children since day 1, and 23% of kids had their ultrasound pictures on the web prior to their birth. 7% of babies get an e-mail address at birth.
14:07 – The Parents Television Council, a media advocacy group founded to ensure that children are not constantly assaulted by sex, violence and profanity on television, are working with pharmaceutical giants Eli Lilly – the maker of Cialis – and Pfizer – the maker of Viagra – to get a complete listing of which shows their commercials will be airing on each week. The council will be posting this on their website to help parents keep their kids from being subjected to such advertising.
18:04 – A reading on NPR talked about how tough it was to find a job and how people are out of work. If you’re over 50 and don’t have a job, you’re essentially dead. You should either commit suicide or move to Belize.
21:36 – CVS Corporate noticed a store in Visalia, Calif., had lost around $117,000 merchandise over the last six months. They conducted an undercover sting operation and found that two female employees who always worked together were letting friends and family come in and take everything. Within a one-hour time span, almost $5,000 worth of merchandise was stolen by 11 of their friends and family.
35:59 – A Southern Baptist leader based out of Kentucky is calling on all Christians to avoid yoga. He claims that “the stretching and meditative discipline derived from Eastern religions is not a Christian pathway to God. People are failing to see the contradiction between their Christian commitments and their embrace of yoga. … Christians are called to look at Christ for all that we need. We are not called to escape the consciousness of this world by achieving an elevated state of consciousness.”
45:17 – The ACLU is suing Berkeley County Jail in Moncks Corner, S.C., over their policy that bars inmates from having any reading material except for Bibles. The jail will only allow inmates to have soft-back Bibles sent in the mail directly from the publisher of the Bible.
54:04 – An unidentified porn actor has tested positive for HIV. At least two studios have completely shut down production; Vivid – the leader in adult entertainment – and Wicked Pictures – “quality porn is our business.” Wicked Pictures is the only hetero condom-mandatory porn company, but they’ve still shut down production as a result of this.
6:52 – Since 2006, Toms Shoes has donated 1 pair of their shoes, called “El Paraguitas,” for every pair they’ve sold at $44. Skechers has released their line, called Bobs, which sell for $42 a pair, and Skechers donates two pairs for each pair sold.
29:19 – The Pentagon has begun work on a new military humvee called The Transformer. It’s the ultimate weapon, as it will have folding wings that will pop out from the side, allowing the vehicle to fly.
45:23 – On July, 9, 2009, in Episode 174 (1:11) of UYD, Seth and Jonathan talked about Bill and Ted’s Arclight Adventure, where Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves were having lunch at the Arclight Theaters in Hollywood. MTV has announced part 3 of this movie.
57:40 – U2 says they’re releasing a brand-new studio album in 2011. Bono said, “We are convinced we have something really special.” Seth is convinced that it’s entirely not special.
1:05:11 – The estimated life span for Latinos born in 2006 is 80 years, Whites – 78 years, and Blacks – 73 years.
2:23 – Frito-Lay has a few different snack items, like Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos, Fun-yuns, Cracker Jack, Ruffles, Lay’s, Tostitos, etc. Their website lists all of their products and will also tell you if they are porcine-free. Porcine-free refers to swine, because many of their products are tainted with pork enzymes.
5:01 – On Sunday, Nov. 7 at 2 a.m., it is Daylight Saving Time.
16:23 – American Samoa is in the South Pacific. It’s in essence a part of us. Their head of state is Barack Obama. Technically they’re a state, and they would be the No. 1 most obese state with 93.5 percent of its population considered overweight.
29:31 – A man was arrested for allegedly ejaculating on a woman and exposing himself to her in a school library in Tacoma Park, Md. on Oct. 9. The man fled the library, returned briefly, then fled again as the woman was reporting the incident to police. Campus security chased him but he was able to get away in a car. DNA evidence was obtained. She did not know the man but was able to provide a description of him. Officers used the victim’s description and surveillance to identify the suspect as 29-year-old Oritse Ayu (Seth: “A! U! – (Episode 020, 16:43). He was arrested and is facing charges of second-degree assault and indecent exposure. Disturbingly, a similar incident occurred in Montgomery County on July 10 when a man was arrested for throwing semen on women who were shopping (Episode 231, 53:54).
39:46 – Tag body spray couldn’t keep up with the industry leader, Axe body spray. Since their debut in 2005, Tag had a scent called “The All-Nighter,” which is now called “Make Moves,” endorsed by Rob Dyrdek. “Midnight” is now called “Stay Up,” endorsed by Carmelo Anthony. “After Hours” is now called “Get Yours,” endorsed by Ludacris.
59:55 – Young couples are better than long-term partners at discerning their preferences. According to an article called “Getting To Know You,” two University of Basel psychologists Benjamin Scheibehenne and Jutta Mata, working with psychologist Peter Todd of Indiana University in Bloomington, observed this counter-intuitive pattern in 38 young couples aged 19-32 and 20 older couples aged 62-78. The greatest gap in partner knowledge was in predicting food preferences – an area with particular relevance to daily life. The scientists report in a paper scheduled to appear in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, “That wasn’t what we expected to find, but this evidence lends support to a hypothesis that accuracy in predicting each other’s preferences decreases over the course of a relationship despite greater time and opportunity to learn about each other’s likes and dislikes,” Todd said October 13 during a visit to the University of Basel. Older couples’ knowledge decline partly reflects a tendency by partners to pay increasingly less attention to one another, because they view their relationship as firmly committed or assume that they have little left to learn about each other, the researchers propose. Consistent with that hypothesis, long-term partners in the new study expressed more overconfidence in their knowledge about each others’ preferences than people in short relationships did. It’s also possible that older couples in the new study come from a generation in which men and women generally knew less about each other to begin with than couples do today. What’s more, long-term partners may be especially apt to tell “white lies” to each other in order to keep the relationship running smoothly, thus diluting their knowledge of one another.
6:59 – On Oct. 23, 50 nuclear intercontinental ballistic missiles (ICBMs) – representing 1/9th of the U.S. land-based stockpile – briefly went out of communication with launch control computers at F.E. Warren Air Force Base in Wyoming. The failure lasted less than an hour, according to the Air Force, which also said the IBCMs were always protected thanks to a secondary security system.
11:59 – Tom Cruise held a press conference in Dubai to announce the title of the fourth Mission Impossible movie set for release Dec. 16, 2011. It will be called Mission: Impossible 4 – Ghost Protocol
18:48 – There was a huge rave in L.A. this past summer, Electric Daisy Carnival. A girl died who was underage and wasn’t supposed to be there. She dehydrated. It was held at the Coliseum. The L.A. Memorial Coliseum Commission has voted to overturn a moratorium placed on raves taking place at their venue, so long as there are doctors and nurses who can work at the rave site.
34:47 – Taylor Swift just released her third album, Speak Now, and it sold 1 million copies. Taylor says, “If you listen to my songs, it’s like reading my diary.” From this album, “Back to December” describes her split with Taylor Lautner, “Innocent” is addressed to Kanye post-VMAs, “Dear John” is a rebuke of a reported fling with John Mayer, and “Mean” is aimed at a specific journalist.
38:11 – The American Heart Association has issued new guidelines for CPR. Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation has officially died. From now on, if you come across one of the 300,000 people each year that suffer an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest, hands-only CPR – rapid chest compression – is the recommended and preferred option. It was found that eliminating the rescue breathing component saved 22% more lives.
39:53 – 18-year-old Alexandria Mills of Louisville, Ky., was just crowned Miss World at this year’s ceremony in China. She is the first American to win this award since Gina Marie Tolleson in 1990. In 1991, Gina Marie held the next pageant and met Alan Thicke. Shortly afterward they had a son, Carter Thicke, then divorced in 1999.
42:14 – “Greenwashing” is making false or misleading claims that a product is eco-friendly. It’s so prevalent now that a marketing company surveyed 5,296 “green products” only to find about 95% of them were totally inaccurate.
45:26 – An article in the Style section of the Sunday Los Angeles Times told the story of Orthodox Jew women mailed to lubavitch rabbis living in LA. It talks about Tzniut modesty and covering up your hair.
5:42 – November is breeding season for deer and drivers are three times more likely to hit a deer during this part of the year. You have to practice extra caution during the dusk hours of 6-9 p.m.
16:06 – Seth wishes a happy birthday next Tuesday, Nov. 23 to Destiny Hope Cyrus, better known as Miley Cyrus, who turns 18.
18:12 – A new trend taking over maternity wards for brand-new moms is referred to as the “push and smile.” It’s because photographs of moms with their newborn babies get snapped by cell phones and digital cameras hours after the birth and are put up on social network sites, that more moms are bringing in someone to style them and do their hair and makeup for the photo ops. A female blogger wrote that these photos are “as crucial as your wedding day photos.” One mom commented, “It’s not about me, it’s 100% about the baby.”
20:59 – Nintendo’s trying to trademark the phrase “It’s on like Donkey Kong.” There’s an Ice Cube song called “Now I Gotta Wet’Cha” from his 1992 album The Predator, which starts with the line “It’s on like Donkey Kong!” The interlude to the song features Ice Cube saying to someone, “You won.” “Won what?” “The wet t-shirt contest, motha fucka!!” and then lights him up with a semi-automatic.
24:23 – Thanksgiving and Christmas are fast approaching and there are a lot of people in the kitchen. The Food Network has responded with their new app, In The Kitchen. Food and Wine magazine will be hosting food and wine chats on Twitter and FAcebook, and if you want to go old-timey, the Butterball Turkey Talkline is live at 1-800-BUTTERBALL.
39:29 – Mobile GPS technology for AT&T, T-Mobile and Verizon – which all have the same provider – analyzed the places that 17 million drivers most often tried to locate in the month of September. The top 5 searches for food were all fast-food restaurants. #1 was McDonald’s, two times more searched than #2 Subway. As far as shopping, the #1 search was Wal-Mart, three times more searched than #2 Target. Under caffeine, #1 Starbucks was five times more searched than #2 Dunkin’ Donuts.
42:08 – 24-year-old Earl Barranco is the main suspect in a murder in a Brooklyn diner last month. Witnesses identified him as the shooter of the man in the diner. They ID’d him as having a gold chain around his neck with an enormous diamond-encrusted moneybag at the end of it. He fled New York and they couldn’t find him until he went to the opening night of the Charlotte Bobcats basketball game at Time Warner Center Arena, where he appeared on the jumbotron. Somebody at the game looked up and noticed the necklace, called police, who arrived there, but he was not caught. North Carolina police and the FBI went to the very next home game and posted up and waited. He walks in to take his seats to watch the Orlando Magic play the Bobcats on a Saturday night, and is arrested and brought back to New York.
43:59 – Seth brings up an archived UYD News story from the summer of 2003, when Juan Catalan was accused of killing a 16-year-old girl who had testified against his brother in another case. He spent 5 ½ months in LA County Jail where he claimed his innocence, as did his family and friends. He claimed he was at the LA Dodgers baseball game that May night when the murder happened in the San Fernando Valley more than 20 miles north of the stadium. He went to the game with his 6-year-old daughter and presented the ticket stubs to the authorities, but they didn’t believe him. His attorney went to the Dodgers and tried looking at the Dodger Vision to review tapes and find him, but they couldn’t. Then he found out Larry David was filming an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that very night at the stadium. They subpoenaed Time Warner / HBO and said they needed all the footage from that night that they didn’t use. There, stamped and time coded was a shot of him eating a hot dog with his daughter in the stands. Catalan sued the city and was awarded $320,000 three years later.
46:01 – Oklahoma voted 70% to 30% in favor of an amendment to the state’s constitution called the “Save Our State Amendment.” It states that “Oklahoma shall not consider Shariah Law.” Shariah Law is the sacred law of Islam, namely the strict following of the Quran and all of the divine revelations set forth by the prophet Mohammed.
51:03 – A new field in pediatric medicine is called oncofertility. It’s the process of freezing ovarian tissue of infant girls or testicular tissue of infant boys with the hope that the higher success/survival rate of children diagoned with cancer will allow them to grow up and start their own families. Because infertility remains a high-rate side-effect of the toxic treatments that the children suffering from cancer receive, the hope is that by preserving the tissues they’ll be allowed to live and it will allow them to conceive at some point later down the road.
56:37 – Disney’s California Adventure Show in Anaheim, Calif., unveiled a new show at the theme park called Disney Dance Crew. The new 13-minute show includes an appearance by Mix Master Mickey, who will be hip-hop dancing to mash-ups of urban street sounds and familiar Disney songs. Mickey wears his baseball cap backwards, wears gold bling around his neck and animatronically says phrases such as “Rock the street,” “Kick it!,” “In the house,” “Roll-lin!,” “Slam-min!,” “Bust-in!,” and “Drink Up, Gangsters! Yo-ho!”
1:00:10 – The FDA will adopt the custom of other countries in relation to the labeling of cigarette packs. Starting Sept. 22, 2011, all cigarette packages in advertising will be required to carry one of nine graphic warning labels in a pack. You can view all 36 of the drawings and photos on the FDA website. One features a dude blowing smoke out of his trach hole.
1:02:40 – There’s a man in Ohio named John Backderf who goes by the name “Derf.” He’s a cartoonist. He had jury duty in Cleveland, Ohio, and when asked whether he knew anyone who had committed a crime, he said, “I had a close friend in high school who killed 17 people.” It turns out that he and Jeffrey Dahmer were best friends throughout middle school and high school. Derf published a graphic novel called My Friend Dahmer.
1:52 – Seth doesn’t know much, but he does know that Aaron Neville got married this week. Jah then proceeds to sing a Neville-esque song about the 69-year-old man’s journey to the wedding and honeymoon.
10:07 – The Wall Street Journal reports that NYU assistant professor and performance artist Wafaa Bilal, who teaches in the photography and imaging department of NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, plans to have a camera surgically implanted in the back of his head. The stunt, which has already sparked some concerns about privacy, is part of a project being commissioned by the new Mathaf: Arab Museum of Modern Art – set to open in Doha, Qatar Dec. 30 and aspires to “highlight and share contemporary art by Arabs and artists living in the Middle East.” The NYU professor’s installation will be titled “The Third I.” According to Bilal’s colleagues, the camera will be secured to his head via a piercing-like attachment, and over the course of a year photographs will be taken at 1-minute intervals and fed directly into the monitors in the museum.
12:09 – Freeway Rick Ross (Episode 236, 1:09:06 and Episode 221, 30:07) lost his lawsuit against hip-hop artist Rick Ross.
12:48 – A government watchdog group has found several incidents in which federal agents who were hired to transport nuclear weapons got drunk while on convoy missions. In an incident last year, police detained two agents who went to a bar during one of the transportation assignments.
21:17 – Wal-Mart will open 1,000 of its nearly 4,000 stores that aren’t 24-hour Wal-Mart SuperCenters on midnight Thanksgiving night in order to take advantage of Black Friday. All stores will offer $9 Wrangler jeans and a $198 32-inch Emerson LCD HDTV.
26:30 – Starting next month, Camel cigarettes will begin selling limited-edition cigarette packs featuring 10 different U.S. cities and locations chosen for their “Break Free Adventure Contest.” The 10 cities chosen will show neighborhood landmarks on the packages. Some of the cities/areas are Las Vegas, Route 66, the Bonneville Salt Flats, Sturgis, S.D., Winston-Salem, N.C., Austin, Texas, etc. Why they picked Austin: “Name a live show that rocked history – we’ll put money that Camel was there.” The Haight in San Francisco: “The Summer of Love – whether you started here or put flowers in your hair, grabbed a drum and hitched a ride on a painted minibus, Camel lights up this little piece of SF that pulses with the spirit to evolve, revolve or revolt – and follows the force to break free.” New Orleans, La.: “With a name like The Big Easy, Camel just had to ramble down to N’Awlins to snag a balcony and catch some beads and take in the bourbon-soaked fun below.” Seattle, Wash.: “Home of grunge, a coffee revolution, and alternatives will probably tell you they’re only happy when it rains. It’s the smell of vinyl in that hidden record store, the worn t-shirt and a ticket stub with a scribbled phone number on it.” Brooklyn – Williamsburg: “Some call it the most famous hipster neighborhood, but it’s not about hip. It’s about breaking free. It’s about last call, a sloppy kiss goodbye and a solo saunter to a rock show in an abandoned building.”
45:29 – After several years of major losses and store closures, Blockbuster will launch its biggest national ad campaign in almost 4 years to remind the country that they still exist. Jah knows they still exist because you can’t beat 4 DVDs for $20.
48:41 – Thieves and con artists are advertising on Craig’s List and eBay about the season’s must-have toys – many of which sell out at stores all across the country. Then they sell for inflated prices and fail to deliver the presents once they receive their money.
52:08 – Seth tells about a 31-year-old high school teacher who was arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old male student. They regularly met at her home and exchanged sexually explicit text messages. She had to come forward to the police to report an extortion attempt because another student hit her up and confronted her to try and get more photographs of her and $4,000.
58:36 – Hal Solars, 92, sat down for a family dinner at a downtown LA steakhouse Saturday night when he excused himself to go to the bathroom. Ten minutes later he had not returned. A grandson checked the bathroom and returned to the table with bad news – he didn’t know where he was. Hal has dementia. What followed was a 20-hour search as the family and friends chased a trail of clues. Solars appeared to be wandering the city in a state of utter confusion. The managers at the restaurant, The Palm, searched the restaurant and couldn’t find him. Perhaps there was a possibility he accidentally wandered through a one-way door that went into a narrow office building. They searched the building and talked to security and he wasn’t there. Relatives fanned into the street. In the shadow of L.A. Live and Staples Center, there were bright lights and people everywhere. His son, Neil, drove around for several hours hoping to spot him. Nobody knows where Solarz spent the night. But Sunday afternoon, his family got some good news: He had used his MasterCard at 9:30 a.m. at a Denny's on Wilshire Boulevard. "We were really busy," said the restaurant's manager, Patricia Aguirre, who took his order when she saw him sitting by himself in a tweed blazer and dress shoes. He ordered a Diet Coke and an omelet from the senior citizen menu. The meal came to $10.18. "He was a very nice man," Aguirre said. "He said 'thank you' a lot. He seemed pretty OK. He seemed happy." By the time police and his family arrived at the Denny's, Solarz was long gone. All that remained was video from a surveillance camera. His friends and family were convinced he was walking across Los Angeles toward his home in Brentwood. At the pace he was traveling, it would take days. "He likes to walk," said his 60-year-old friend, Howard Shabsis, who spends a couple of days a week with him. About 3:30 p.m. Sunday, Solarz called his house and spoke to a friend who was staked out there as part of the search effort. He said he was calling from Karen's Nails on Pico Boulevard, where he often got manicures. "Why isn't anybody coming to pick me up?" he asked. But when his son arrived, he learned Solarz had never been there. Then Solarz called again. This time, he gave an address. It was another nail salon, on Western Avenue, not far from the Denny's. When his family arrived, the manicurists said Solarz had been there napping most of the afternoon.
8:50 – A host of new websites have started to let people share items over the internet after paying a small fee – Snap Goods, Swap Baby Goods, Nei-Borough, Relay Rides, etc. These sites offer goods for a cheap price. They promote green lifestyles by not wasting, and they also foster a social community that’s missing from today’s high-paced world.
16:05 – There are several new smartphone apps designed to offer couples therapy for modern romances. (Jah thinks the title of this new segment should be “What’s The Haps With These Apps?”) The Daily Temperature Reading, Mind Over Marriage, The Marriage Fight Tracket, Fix A Fight – all designed as inexpensive ways to keep the lines of communication open.
20:05 – Being the holidays, there’s traveling and there’s a couple travel-related items you could take with you. Handicapped parking placards issued in the U.S. are not recognized in other countries. The blue badge scheme is recognized in countries that belong in the European Union. There’s going to be a problem with the run-up to the 2012 Olympics and Paralympics in London, England. The best thing you can do is talk to your rental car company and discuss options because policies usually differentiate locally from place to place. Seth brings this up because he doesn’t want Lou Ferrigno to try and fake the funk over there (Episode 185, 8:58).
23:46 – The average fee that airlines charge for an unaccompanied minor is $200. It’s supposed to cover the extra service and care a child is provided when traveling alone. These children receive personal escorts during all points of their travel.
29:59 – A Cathedral City, Calif., police officer will be arraigned on multiple felony counts after allegedly stripping off his uniform and jumping naked into a pool while on duty. Officer John Fox, 37, is accused of sexually assaulting one of three women in the pool during the incident. He responded to a noise complaint at a private home. He showed up, took off all his clothes, got naked and jumped in. The owner of the house called 911 and reported it. Different officers arrived, and by the time they got there he had put his uniform back on and left. He is facing felony counts of attempted sexual penetration and assault, two misdemeanor counts of sexual battery and one count of indecent exposure.
39:24 – Medicare covers 40 million Americans 65 and older, yet a new report from the Department of Health and Human Services says that each month, 13% of these people experience an extremely serious adverse event due to some sort of medical error, like surgical mistakes and/or infections. As a result of this, more than 15,000 of these patients die because of these mistakes.
44:02 – The 5 most dangerous cities in the U.S.: 5) Oakland, Calif., 4) Flint, Mich., 3) Detroit, Mich., 2) Camden, N.J. and 1) St. Louis, Mo.
59:01 – Time Warner CEO Jeff Bukes said Time Warner is near an agreement with movie distributors to launch a premium video-on-demand service to its customers by summer 2011. This would offer customers access to movies within days of the film’s theatrical release. Industry reports say that access to those “premium films” could cost up to $50 each.
2:34 – Spider-Man is now a Broadway show, featuring music written and performed by Bono and The Edge.
5:18 – Seth’s friends at Family Radio have been telling him about the end of the world through Project Caravan and Project Jonah. They have 2012 written with a line through it, and have revealed the new date of the end of the world as May 21, 2011. They have paid for billboards in Nashville, Louisville, St. Louis, Detroit, Little Rock, Omaha, Kansas City, Fort Worth, Ind., and Bridgeport, Conn.
13:03 – The NAACP has joined the FDA in attempting to ban menthol cigarettes such as Newport and Kool. 80% of African Americans favor menthols versus 20% of whites. Opponents of the ban say the ban would lead to a crime-ridden black market industry.
19:10 – There was an article on MSNBC about people who leave explicit details and instructions about how they want their pet to be put down and buried withthem after they die.
22:19 – Sony Pictures and Justin Timberlake are planning to launch a major publicity campaign to get him an Oscar nomination for his role on The Social Network.
24:27 – A movie called The King’s Speech starring Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush is about the future king George VI who has a terrible stuttering problem and the relationship he forms with his quirky Australian speech therapist.
51:59 – An expert in the fight against child sexual abuse says that the TSA-enhanced patdowns on children under 12 are abhorrent. It is beyond comprehension to put kids under this scrutiny when they may have been a victim or are currently being abused by predators.
53:56 – There are about 300 Apple stores in the U.S., and about 7 Microsoft stores.
56:45 – Book publisher Hyperion has had major success releasing books “written by” Richard Castle – the lead character on the ABC detective show Castle – played by lead actor Nathan Fillion. He’s a ruggedly handsome NYC-based novelist who’s a best-selling author trailing a sexy female NYC police detective so he can get material for his books. Nathan Fillion showed up at The Grove’s Barnes & Noble as his character, Castle, to autograph copies of the book penned by his character, which was actually written by a show writer. Another is Sterling’s Gold, written by Mad Men character Roger Sterling – played by John Slattery – which was featured last season on the show.
1:09:01 – Investigative documents obtained by the Seattle Times under the federal Freedom of Information Act found that a large number of infantry soldiers fighting in Afghanistan had been using steroids to boost their brawn during prolonged periods of warfare.
7:46 – No Strings Attached stars Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman and releases Jan. 21, 2011. The catchphrase is “Friendship has its benefits.” Jah’s mother’s birthday is Jan. 21, and he thinks he may take her to see it.
9:55 – Freestyle Session 13 took place in Los Angeles on Nov. 28. It is one of the biggest and baddest B-Boy competitions in the country. Representing the USA at a 2011 international B-Boy competition will be Killafornia. At the end of the competition when Spyder put a dude in a box, then moonwalked back out of a box, people were leaping out of the balcony.
11:57 – The USPS claims that nearly $150 million of nearly $9 billion they lost last year was from counterfeit stamps. These stamps, which contain a brighter blue color in the U.S. flag than the real ones, sometimes slip through mail distribution centers’ counterfeit detection system. If caught, your mail will be returned with a large sticker declaring RETURN TO SENDER: COUNTERFEIT POSTAGE. Please people, only purchase your stamps from reputable mail centers.
35:41 – John Toomey has been portraying Santa Claus at the downtown San Francisco Macy’s for over 20 years. He lost his job last weekend after an adult couple that was shopping for Christmas presents overheard him telling a joke that he said he’s used for years. When asked why Santa is so jolly, he replies, “Because he knows where all the naughty boys and girls live.” He was laid off for that. A nearby pub called Lefty O’Doul’s heard the story and hired him to be their Santa.
37:57 – SPFX Masks in Van Nuys make expensive, ultra-realistic masks that have come under fire by law enforcement because of their inadvertent use in crimes. A white bank robber in Ohio used one of their masks called “The Player.” Police mistakenly arrested an African American man for the crimes due to the convincing mask. In October, a 20-year-old Chinese man who wanted asylum in Canada used a mask to look like an elderly white man and got past security in Hong Kong. Authorities are even starting to believe that the so-called “geezer bandit” in Southern California who has robbed numerous banks may be a young guy with one of these masks.
45:45 – Unwanted mail from a state mental hospital patient leaves San Diego woman in fear. Sent from Patton State Hospital by a patient with a criminal history of violence and psychiatric problems, the letter had an affectionate opening — "Dearest Suzanne" — and ended with a promise "to see you and be reunited as two common people soon." The woman who received the unwanted letter and a phone call in September from a man she's never met appealed to officials at Patton for help. Instead she was told that the hospital in San Bernardino could not even confirm that the letter writer was a patient there. According to records in San Diego County Superior Court, the writer of the letter, Brent Edward Knauer, 57, pleaded guilty in 1997 to felony robbery and was given a two-year prison sentence. An additional charge of causing great bodily injury to a person older than 60 was dropped. Knauer has received a string of one-year commitments, with San Diego County prosecutors arguing each time that he remains dangerous. The latest hearing was Aug. 6, when Knauer was given another one-year commitment to Patton. "I don't want my name ending up on a law," said Suzanne, referring to the practice of adding victims' names to laws meant to protect the public. Knauer just opened up the phonebook and picked a name to write. When Suzanne called the hospital the employees could not tell her what he was convicted of or when he would be released. They couldn’t keep him from writing more letters or making collect calls. The second letter opened with “Hello Sweetheart” and then closed with “See you later. Real soon, hopefully.” Then a collect call came to her house on a Sunday night. The hospital said the letters, although creepy, do not appear to carry an overt threat of violence. Rather the letters are filled with details about horseback riding. He cannot be released from the hospital without first a public court hearing. Suzanne hopes someone will warn her if he is released. Her quote, “I’m living one day at a time.”
51:02 – Honda announced that the ever-so-popular with dog owners and outdoor types, the Honda Element, will be discontinued after the 2011 model. Honda said, “The Element proved that ultimate functionality can often come from thinking inside the box.”
53:10 – The porn actor who virtually shut down the industry in October with his HIV-positive test has come forward. He is demanding condom use in all pornography. 24-year-old Derrick Burts works in both gay and straight porn. In straight porn he’s known as “Cameron Reed,” while in gay porn he’s known as “Derrick Chambers.” He got into the industry by answering an ad on Craig’s List. In the last several months, he’s fucked 12 people in both California and Florida – plus his girlfriend, who’s also a porn actress. He’s already tested positive at AIM for Chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes. His quote: “The agent, he promised me a better life. He loved my look and said I had ‘money’ written all over me. He said I should work in gay because that’s where the money is. I wish I had known more about the risks of STDs in the porn industry.”
4:50 – Jeopardy!’s greatest player of all time, Ken Jennings, had 74 straight wins. The woman who beat him lost the next day. He will take on Watson, a computer program developed by IBM’s artificial intelligence team, on a three-episode arc of the show in February 2011.
7:46 – The Creationist Museum in Kentucky opened in May 2007. It presents the origins of the universe – life and all mankind – as a literal interpretation of the book of Genesis. This includes the belief that humans and dinosaurs once roamed the earth and co-existed together, that the great flood with Noah’s Ark was real, etc. The museum is currently raising money to build a replica ark about 40 miles from the museum in Cincinnati. It plans to open the ark in the spring of 2014. They have raised about $225,000 of the $25 million they will need. A peg in the ark will cost $100, a plank will cost $1,000 and a beam will cost $5,000.
17:10 – The internet’s key oversight body, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, or ICANN, has moved one step closer to giving all pornography websites their own online address. Domain names ending in a new .xxx suffix will supplant the others.
19:20 – Saturday, Jan. 8, 2011 – the Adult Video News Awards will be held at the Palms in Las Vegas, hosted by Tori Black and Riley Steele. The theme of the night is “Dress to Impress.” If Jah had to pick one of the nominated films to watch, he would choose Wanna Fuck My Daughter? Gotta Fuck Me First, Part 8
32:01 – Gilbert Arenas of the Washington Wizards (Episode 199, 5:31) had a long-standing contract with Adidas that has run out, and so he’s been sampling a myriad of different brands. He was spotted against the Lakers wearing a $395 pair of Dolce and Gabbana sneakers.
36:37 – Pamela Anderson is on the cover of the new issue of Playboy for January 2011. It’s her 13th cover. Her first was in October of 1989. Seth wonders at what point does she stop?
37:44 – In October, the 1968 Playboy Playmate of the Year, born Victoria Vetri but posed under the name Angela Dorian, shot her husband of 20 years on Hawthorne Ave. in Hollywood. His name was Bruce Gathreb. His quote was “I loved her for 25 years. A divorce would’ve been sufficient, not a bullet.” The interesting twist is that she played a recovering heroin addict in a tiny scene in Rosemary’s Baby in 1968 under the name Angela Dorian. After the Manson murders in 1969, Roman Polanski gave Victoria his own Walther PPK because he didn’t know what was going to happen. That’s the gun she used to shoot this guy 40 years later.
46:06 – The top 5 best-selling songs on iTunes for 2010: 5) “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz, 4) “Airplanes” by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams, 3) “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem featuring Rihanna, 2) “California Girls” by Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg and 1) “Hey Soul Sister” by Train. Jah recognizes all the songs after Seth samples them except for “California Girls.” He blames it on turning off his pop culture feed for a few months out of the last year.
57:57 – An Owensboro, Ky. man has pled guilty of making bombs claiming he feared the end of the world after watching the movie 2012 starring John Cusack. The Courier Journal reports that a James Byron Birkhead told federal agents that he was making bombs to protect his family when the government fails and food riots occur. Agent Kevin Kelm with the bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms and explosives said police were called to Birkhead’s home when a social worker sent to check on the well-being of Birkhead’s daughters heard that he was acquiring weapons. Thursday, the 52-year-old pled guilty in U.S. District court in Owensboro to possessing and manufacturing explosive materials without a license.
2:49 – CBS News, citing a “key intelligence source,” is reporting that the federal government uncovered an Al Qaeda plot earlier this year to systematically poison salad bars and buffets at a variety of undisclosed U.S. locations. Seth thinks that could cripple us as a nation. Seth used to go to Hometown Buffet – it was his jam – but not anymore.
10:25 – The Y2K11 is coming up, according to Wired magazine. They talked about a century ago, when nationalists deposed China’s emperor, they pronounced that 1912 would be known as Year 1 of the Minguo calendar. The system is still used in Taiwan, and now that we’re approaching Minguo 100 (A.D. 2011), some officials worry that up to 200,000 computers may not know what to do with a 3-digit year. A Taiwanese utility recently sent out a century’s worth of bills to customers by mistake. An identical scenario could also play out in North Korea. Fourteen years ago, the Democratic People’s Republic declared 1912 the birth year of the glorious leader Kim Il-sung. To be Year 1 of the Juche calendar, the hermit kingdom’s Linux-based red star operating system displays the Juche year with only two digits.
13:13 – Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) released his annual “Waste Book” report, which details examples he feels of the government wasting taxpayers’ money. He cites that $615,000 in federal funds was used to digitize photographs, t-shirts and concert tickets belonging to The Grateful Dead. He cited this as one of the worst examples. The money went to the University of Santa Cruz. It’s the band’s chosen location for a large-scale archive that’s supposed to be free to the public and thus warrants government funding.
25:27 – The Pentagon says that 75% of the 17- to 24-year-olds that apply for a branch of service in the U.S. military don’t qualify because they are either physically unable to meet the basic fitness principles, have some kind of criminal record, or they never graduated from high school or have a GED.
28:34 – Ashton Kutcher testified in the murder trial of a fake air conditioner repairman who killed three women. The first girl he killed in 2001 was dating Kutcher at the time – her name is Ashley Ellerin. Kutcher and she were supposed to meet earlier in the evening, but he blew her off and then tried to call her twice and went to her house at 10:45 p.m. He got to her house and her car was parked out front but the lights in the house were out. He knocked on the door and she didn’t answer, so he walked around the side of the house to look into a window and thought she was mad at him from earlier. He saw what he believed when he looked in the window was a large pool of red wine, and thought she spilled a bottle because she’s so upset with him that he didn’t pick her up earlier. He went home and figured he would talk to her tomorrow, but her friend went over the next day and found her stabbed 35 times. … Jah declares that the murderer, Michael Gargiulo, lived two blocks away from Jah’s current place, and they probably went to the same supermarkets and sushi restaurants.
40:16 – Hugh Hefner had a serious girlfriend from 1969-1976 named Barbi Benton, born Barbara Klein. They’re still wonderful friends. She dated Hef from age 19-26, and he was 43-50. They lived together at the Playboy Mansion. She appeared in the magazine three times. She’s now married and has a family of her own. Miss October, Claire Sinclair, born Clarissa Irene Rocchio (19), looks strikingly similar to Barbi Benton. Sinclair is dating Hef’s 20-year-old son, Marston.
45:10 – It’s only been a month since Jessica Simpson announced her engagement, but now Tony Romo has gotten down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend of a year and a half, Candice Crawford. He proposed on her 24th birthday at a dinner in Dallas, surrounded by friends and family. Candice was Miss Missouri 2008 and is a television personality in Dallas. She’s the sister of Gossip Girl star/hunk Chace Crawford. Chace briefly dated country star Carrie Underwood after Romo broke up with her in 2007.
1:00:46 – Jason Hope, a Scottsdale, Ariz., entrepreneuer, owns a mobile tech company. He threw a $500,000 Christmas party with performances by Ludacris. He gave Luda $100 grand to perform one song, and handed out $17,500 to Snooki to show up, gave Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt from The Hills $12,500, gave Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad $16,000, Bruce Jenner got $15,000 and Dean Cain was paid $5,000 (this causes Jah to erupt in laughter seemingly from across the room).
11:06 – There was a double shooting of some Australian twin sisters that left one of them dead. Investigators said it was a suicide pact that they were acting out after interviewing the surviving sister. The 29-year-old women had been in the Denver area for about 5 weeks before they went to a shooting range. Investigators say each woman shot herself in the head with ammunition bought at the range – one using a rented 22-caliber revolver and the other using a rented 22-caliber semi-automatic handgun. The surviving sister remains hospitalized and in serious condition and physical evidence and surveillance video from the range supports her claim that she and her sister had shot themselves and not each other. The twins were staying at a La Quinta Inn about five miles away from the shooting range. They took a cab there. The family was notified but they had no idea which sister had died and which had not. Surveillance video also shows them each simultaneously falling backwards as they do this.
14:58 – Just Go With It is a new rom-com coming out in February, starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston.
19:04 – A San Antonio, Texas Roman Catholic priest was arrested on charges that he solicited a hit man to kill a teenager who had accused him of sexual abuse. John Fiala first offered the job to his neighbor, who blew the whistle and helped police arrange the sting, and they said he got as far as negotiating a $5,000 price for the slaying before the investigators moved in. The 52-year-old priest was arrested at his suburban Dallas home and jailed on $700,000 bond. In April he was named in a lawsuit filed by the boy’s family, who accused Fiala of molesting the youth – including twice forcing him to have sex at gunpoint while staying in a motel during a Chrstian youth event.
32:44 – A white separatist drew complaints from neighbors and a visit from law enforcement officers after building a snowman shaped like a member of the Ku Klux Klan. He put it on his front lawn in Kootenai County, Idaho. Sheriff’s deputies told Markus Eliseuson on Wednesday that he could be charged with a crime because the 10-foot-tall snowman was holding what appeared to be a noose. Neighbors called the deputies. Eliseuson could have been charged with creating a public nuisance. Idaho defines public nuisance as anything “offensive to the senses” or that interferes with the comfort of an entire neighborhood. He removed the noose and toppled the snowman after he spoke with officers. He angered neighbors at Halloween when he passed out bullet casings and said that he had run out of candy.
36:31 – All new first-class stamps will no longer feature a numbered denomination as all stamps will now be “Forever Stamps.” The first will be the lunar new year, “Year of the Rabbit.” The first Forever Stamp came out in April 2007 – the Liberty Bell. It cost 41 cents at the time, and stamps are now 44 cents.
57:57 – Jah wants to discuss the issue of rampant prostitution among female correctional officers in the prison system. Jah explains that they’re pimped on the outside and then sold to inmates through the prison debit cards they’re issued.
59:50 – Indiana University is home to the Kinsey Institute for research in gender, sex and reproduction. It was started by biologist Alfred Kinsey in 1947 and the center is home to the Kinsey Collection – a collection of more than 14,000 films and videos running the gamut of human sexuality. Perhaps the largest and most historically valuable consists of more than 2,000 one-reel stag films made independently through the 1920s and 1960s. Kinsey had relationships with police departments across the country, who would send him copies whenever they were confiscated. All amateur, all real.
2:39 – Bon Jovi made $108.2 million in 2010 tours. Their average ticket price was $91.59. Average tickets sold at a show was 31,079. Total tickets were 1,180,991. Average gross for one night was $2,846,000. Behind them on the list was Roger Waters, making about $89 million. #33 was Elton John, making $21 million with an average ticket price of $96. He only played 35 shows. Elton John and Billy Joel did a tour together to make $20 million in only 11 shows. Jay-Z played 23 shows in 23 cities with an average ticket price of $80. Average gross was $1,056,000. Also on the list were Toby Keith, Brooks & Dunn, Rush, Usher, Jeff Dunham ($30 million over 108 shows, average ticket price $44), Cher, Rascal Flatts, Walking With Dinosaurs, Phish (ranking 20th - $33.5 million, 28 cities, 47 shows), Carrie Underwood (102 dates), Riverdance (175 shows in 25 cities), Alicia Keys, Chelsea Handler ($15 million, 53 dates), Alejandro Fernandez.
5:58 – There’s a new X-rated film coming out starring a hot young star named Ron Jeremy. It’s called The Flying Pink Pig, it will be released January 25th and features a storyline that revolves around a fictional food truck that serves sausage all over Hollywood. Director Erica McLean says “It’s fun, sugary, spicy, colorful, delicious, and downright entertaining. And the food doesn’t suck, but the girls – they sure do.”
11:45 – The R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company is targeting people who resolve to quit smoking in the new year with advertising suggesting they switch to pouches of smokeless tobacco. It’s the first campaign aimed at getting smokers to switch.
46:05 – Adorable panda cubs are at a conservation, and they want to teach these captive red cubs how to prepare for eventual release. To be successful, there can’t be any “imprinting” of humans, so adult people – men and women – put on full panda costumes and do all the business with the pandas. Seth doesn’t understand how the panda cubs wouldn’t understand that they weren’t real pandas.
51:07 – Some new California laws took effect in 2011. The Marijuana Infraction Law – being caught with less than 1 ounce of marijuana is now an infraction, the max ticket for which can be paid online for $100. There is no jail time, you can’t be arrested and there is no criminal record. … All new school classrooms must be able to lock from the inside in case of emergency threats from the outside. … The E-Personation Law – impersonating anyone online with any sort of fake social network pages, text messages, e-mails or altered information on blogs or websites is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 and a year in jail. Prosecutors must prove that the impersonator had criminal intent to harm, intimidate, threaten or defraud the victim who can in turn sue for damages. … The Poparazzi Law – if poparazzi are caught driving recklessly, they face a misdemeanor punishable by six months in jail or a fine of $2,500.
3:34 – Seth takes us back before we go forward. People magazine 15 years ago this week. The title of the article is “Look Who Bagged Brad.” From the article: “The down-home heartthrob who has it all wants nothing more than to hang out with his sweet Seven co-star, Gwyneth Paltrow. Ah, what even a young superstar won’t do for love. In the year since People bestowed the Sexiest Man title on a kicking and screaming Pitt – hey, after his breathtakingly bare-chested turn as Tristan Ludlow in Legends, what choice did we have? – much has changed in the life of the 32-year-old actor: he boasts a new buzz-cut, much to the chagrin of millions of fans who swooned over his long, bleach-blonde locks; a new tax bracket – his asking price is now a reported $8 million; and most importantly, a new romance with a 22-year-old actress he began dating last winter while filming Seven – a huge hit this fall with Brad Pitt as a know-it-all cop tracking a serial killer. Ms. Paltrow is his devoted wife and Morgan Freeman is his seasoned partner. Their teamwork was delightfully evident a few weeks back when Pitt took Paltrow to Springfield, Mo., to spend Christmas with his family. Evidently, the pantry in the large gated home that belongs to Pitt’s parents, Bill – former trucking company executive – and Jane – a high school counselor – was insufficiently stocked. At Smitty’s Market, the young couple picked up $40 worth of groceries. Pitt was instantly recognized despite his wool scarf and lock, dark coat. After signing a few autographs he stepped outside for a smoke, but in her high-top tennis shoes and stocking cap, Paltrow – who remained inside to pay the bill – passed virtually unnoticed. ‘That was Brad Pitt!,’ the checkout girl breathlessly declared. ‘Who?,’ asked Paltrow, in mock bewilderment. …” Jah thinks that if Pitt could go back, he would have just stayed with Paltrow.
8:55 – The District of Columbia will observe Emancipation Day, a holiday that celebrates the freeing of slaves, in Washington, D.C. on the traditional tax filing deadline day of April 15. Because April 15 falls on a Friday, U.S. taxpayers are being given until Monday, April 18 to file their 2010 tax returns.
14:55 – The Texas Department of Criminal Justice said that there were 28,000 prison escapes in 1993 and 1994. In 2007 and 2008, the number dropped to just over 5,000. John Moriarty, the inspector general of the Texas criminal justice system, said, “Here in Texas, we’ll spend $1 million to catch someone. If you don’t go after one, you’ll be going after them all.”
30:16 – The Golden Nugget Hotel is Downtown Las Vegas is living up to its name by adding at ATM that dispenses gold instead of cash. Visitors can buy gold coins and 24-karat bars that weigh about 1 gram at the new Gold To Go machine near the main lobby of the Gold Tower. Each purchase is dispensed in a gift box. Buyers can use cash or credit cards, according to the website of the machine’s German developer. It’s called the ExOrient Lux AG. The Golden Nugget’s ATM is the second such machine in the U.S. The other is at a mall in Boca Raton, Fla.
37:41 – Jay says he’s a Leo because his birthday is August 7. Seth tells him he isn’t anymore. Astronomers have restored the original Babylonian zodiac by recalculating the dates that correspond with each sign to accommodate millennia of very minute subtle shifts in the earth’s axis. So J-dawg is now a Cancer, but Seth is fine because he keeps his Virgo on lock. Capricorn is now Jan. 20-Feb. 16; Aquarius is now Feb. 16-March 11; Pisces is now March 11-April 18; Aries is now April 18-May13; Taurus is now May 13-June 21; Gemini is now June 21-July 20; Cancer is now July 20-Aug. 10; Leo is now Aug. 10-Sept. 16; Virgo is now Sept. 16-Oct. 30; Libra is now Oct. 30-Nov. 23; Scorpio is now Nov. 23-Nov. 29; Ophiuchus is now Nov. 29-Dec. 17 (discarded by the Babylonians at the time because they wanted 12 signs, but it’s all about the #13 now); and Sagitarrius is now Dec. 18-Jan. 20. … Jah says this explains why he’s had such terrible luck his entire life.
42:17 – Blue Monday is the third Monday of every new year. It’s called the most depressing day on the calendar. This year it’s Monday, Jan. 17. It started as part of a publicity campaign by Sky Travel. This notable date was first published in a press release by psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall, who at the time worked for the Center for Lifelong Learning – part of the Cardiff University in Wales. Arnal devised a literal mathematical formula to arrive at the Blue Monday theory. It factors in weather, debt, time since Christmas, timing of New Year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and the urgent feeling that you need to take action. It also reflects that Monday is regarded as the worst day of the week.
51:18 – Schwarzenegger had a bill in front of him that was finally repealed. It was a 60-year-old law on the books that was drafted in response to a string of sex crimes purpotrated against kids in California. The Welfare and Institutions Code 8050 said that “The State Department of Mental Health shall plan, conduct and cause to be conducted scientific research into the causes and cures of sexual deviation, including deviations conducive to sex crimes against children, and the causes and cures of homosexuality.”
52:48 – There’s a college called Deep Springs College. It’s a private all-male alternative college in Deep Springs, Calif. – 25 miles to the nearest town. It has no cell service and maybe one slow dial-up modem. It’s a two-year college and is one of the most selective and prestigious institutions for undergraduate students in the United States. Each year it admits 10-15 students. The institution currently aims for a student body size of 26, though the number is occasionally lower. After completing two years at Deep Springs, students may elect to receive an associate’s degree, although this rarely happens in practice. Most continue their studies at universities, most commonly Harvard, Yale, Brown, Columbia and Oxford. They work 20 hours a week on a ranch/farm. Tuition and room and board are free.
55:50 – Boston debuted an ambulance for obese patients on Tuesday and the retrofitted vehicle was promptly needed on two calls. The ambulance is equipped with a special stretcher that can hold 850 pounds and features a hydraulic lift with a 1,000-pound capacity. Cpt. José Archila of Boston’s emergency medical services fleet said it is likely that the ambulance will be used 2-4 times per week.
59:48 – In the February issue of The Advocate, it was reported that Minneapolis is now the gayest city in the nation.
2:28 – Congrats to Miss Nebraska, 17-year-old Teresa Scanlan, who is the youngest Miss America in the 90-year history.
16:43 – Seth reads us something from People magazine 10 years ago, January 2001: “They seem to be two stars sharing one orbit. Ov Nov. 8, 2000, at the L.A. premiere of Jim Carrey’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Renee Zellweger deferentially ducked out of the couple’s limousine to allow her beau to make a big entrance. ‘It’s his night,’ she said, before rejoining him to cuddle for the cameras. Seven days later the pair were sparkling side-by-side again at the film’s London premiere, where they even outshone the queen. But in the following weeks, Carrey, 38, and Zellweger, 31, somehow fell out of romantic alignment. On Nov. 30, he turned up at the film’s Tokyo premiere alone before jetting off on a vacation. Representatives for both actors have confirmed that their year-long romance is over, surprising even their closest friends. ‘I thought that they were the perfect couple,’ says Carrey pal, Laugh Factory comedy club owner Jamie Mesada. As for how his friend is faring? ‘Jim’s all right. I mean, he’s hurt, but who comes out of a relationship and doesn’t get hurt?’ Carrey, who split from Alyssa Womer, mother of his daughter Jane, 13, in 1993 and from actress Lauren Holly in 1997, was clearly smitten with his co-star when they met on the 1998 set of Me, Myself and Irene, director Bobby Farrelly said. ‘Just what went wrong is unclear. They just wanted different things,’ said a rep for Zellweger, who has just finished filming Bridget Jones’ Diary, which is due out this spring. Grinch director Ron Howard, who has talked with Carrey since the split, says that dual strains of work and fame are hard on relationships. In this case the media tension just heightened the pressure.
19:36 – NFL championship weekend is upon us. The Bears will play the Packers in Chicago for the NFC Championship. Bears QB Jay Cutler is dating Kristen Cavallari from The Hills, while Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is dating Gossip Girl’s Jessica Szohr. On the AFC Championship side, it’s the Jets vs. Steelers. Jets QB Mark Sanchez broke up with Jamie-Lynn Sigler prior to the season, while Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger will rape anyone in the room.
24:34 – Holly Lahti shared last week’s Mega Millions jackpot. She won $190 million. She is currently estranged from her husband, Joshua, and has custody of their 2 children, ages 10 and 12. In the state of Idaho, there is a community property law that would entitle Joshua to one-half of her winnings, unless she can show that he is unfit as a parent. He was arrested for domestic assault against her, which is one of his 15 arrests.
27:09 – There is a shortage of o.b. tampons on U.S. store shelves. Women have taken to ebay and Craig’s List and are paying top dollar for the female product. It has a rabid cult-like fanbase. o.b. stands for ohne binde, which means “without napkins” in German. o.b.’s slogan is “mighty. small.”
33:14 – Wendy’s owns Arby’s, but not for long – they’re selling Arby’s. Yum! Brands, who own Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC, also own Long John Silver’s and A&W restaurants – both of which they are selling.
40:30 – 34,000 years ago, there was some bacteria that got trapped inside salt crystals in what is now called Death Valley, Calif. These crystals were recently dug up, and once they were freed from the crystal, the bacteria spent 2 ½ months recuperating in a survival state, but then began reproducing again.
50:00 – A 33-year-old female animal handler was killed by an elephant at the Knoxville Zoo. She was crushed against the wall while inside the elephant’s cage. The zoo’s executive director released a statement: “Edie the African elephant, who was involved in the incident, will not be punished or disciplined.”
52:12 – Kevin James is in a movie called The Zookeeper. “Welcome to his jungle.” This will be released July 8. Kevin’s character will be featured along with voice acting courtesy of Leslie Bibb, David Spade, Jim Breuer, Billy Crystal, Kiefer Sutherland, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Nick Nolte and Jon Favreau. Director Frank Coraci says “You gotta bring the kids, but what we really wanted was to make something adults could dig as well, and that’s what we did.”
1:08:30 – Seth revisits No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman Episode 249, 7:46) about friends with benefits. There’s another movie coming out this summer called Friends With Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.
2:32 – The February 2011 issue of the CDC’s Medical Journal says that sleeping with your pets is really hazardous to your health. At least 50% of people in the United States sleep with their cats and dogs, but even healthy pets can carry parasites, bacteria and other microorganisms.
9:14 – The “Superb Bowl” is being played Sunday, Feb. 6, Green Bay vs. Pittsburgh at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas. There will be no cheerleaders at the game because neither team has cheerleaders. Green Bay defensive back Charles Woodson commented in the locker room about President Obama not wanting to watch the Super Bowl unless Chicago was in it: “He don’t wanna see us? We’ll go see him! 1-2-3 WHITE HOUSE!!”
15:27 – Roughly 9 years after it was created, the Homeland Security Advisory System – the color-coded terrorism threat scale – will be eliminated no later than April. That means the U.S. will no longer describe our daily terrorist threats in terms of Green (low), Blue (guarded), Yellow (elevated), Orange (high) and Red (severe).
22:48 – In some catastrophic news, Marriott International – one of the nation’s leading hotel groups – is taking all XXX adult content off of their in-room menu in all of their new hotel rooms over the next few years.
30:39 – The president of USC sent an e-mail to all USC students this week: “I wish to warn you about a specific danger that has become increasingly prevalent in the city of Los Angeles: Raves. Occasionally they are held close to our campus, often at the Coliseum or Shrine, and they present serious risks to all who attend. Ecstacy is common at raves, and can produce paranoia, panic attacks and hallucinations. I strongly discourage your participation at rave events.”
33:18 – The 2011 Army Social Media Handbook is given out to members of the military and instructs soldiers on how to represent themselves and the Army while online. It says, “Don’t be afraid to have fun by posting interesting links or asking trivia questions.”
42:05 – The code of silence, or the omerta found in the mob, was destroyed last week, as an FBI mob sweep in New York and New Jersey used tips from turncoats and snitches to arrest more than 120 alleged Mafioso. In that group was included Tony Bagels, Meatball, Pooch, Jimmy Gooch, Lumpy, Fat Dennis, Baby Fat Larry, Junior Lollipops, Johnny Bandana and Vinny Car Wash.
53:39 – Travel & Leisure magazine rated the 10 rudest cities (Episode 088, 35:02) in the country: 10) Dallas/Fort Worth, 9) Orlando, 8) Las Vegas, 7) Baltimore, 6) Boston, 5) Washington D.C., 4) Miami, 3) Philadelphia, 2) New York, and 1) Los Angeles.
4:51 – Pope Benedict (no relation to eggs) gave his blessings to his flock to allow them to socially network: “I would like, then, to invite Christians to join the network of relationships, which the digital era has made possible.” This means Seth’s mom can get a Facebook page now.
10:21 – Starbucks has a new smart phone app called The Starbucks Card Mobile. It lets users pay for their coffee with a quick scan of their phone. Essentially the app uploads Starbucks cards cybernetically to create an even easier, pay-as-you-go option. Last year, Starbucks generated only a mere $1.5 billion in Starbucks card sales.
17:24 – Match.com just bought OKCupid. Newsweek featured examples from OKCupid that referred to the question, “What’s the best question to ask on a first date?” Some of the responses: “Do you brush your teeth?” … “Which is more offensive to you – book burning or flag burning?”
25:03 – Justin Bieber has a film coming out Feb. 11 called Never Say Never in 3D. He was wearing a beige bandana in his left rear pocket, and according to the Hanky Code (Episode 221, 17:02) that would make him a rimmer. When he was on Letterman, he had a purple bandana in the left pocket, which makes him a piercer.
46:30 – 33-year-old Nathan Harrington of Massachusetts is the owner of the fantasy football team, The Boston Beatdowns. Although he’s homeless and has no computer, he beat 3.1 million competitors to win ESPN’s 2010 Fantasy Football League. He received a $3,500 gift certificate to Best Buy, which he’s selling to his mother for $2,500.
55:18 – Hertz Rent-a-Car is the world’s largest car rental agency. It’s the last and only major rental company to across the board officially allow smoking in rental cars. You must request a smoking designated car, and if there are none available you are not allowed to smoke in the car you get.
59:11 – Santa Monica Place recently unveiled the first camera-based “find your car” system. Shoppers who have lost track of their vehicle amid a maze of concrete ramps and angled stripes can simply punch their license plate number into a kiosk touchscreen which then displays a photo of the car and its location.
1:11:16 – Jah is surprised that they didn’t talk about Jack LaLanne dying on the show or in civilian time, but Seth says LaLanne’s obit was featured on the ObitUYDaries portion of the UYD website.
3:56 – Computer security company Ivira surveyed nearly 15,000 people and found that 39% of them admitted having cursed or yelled at their computer out loud. Seth says he did this about an hour ago.
6:10 – Seth pulls out a People magazine from this week in February 20 years ago. “Birds and bees are not the only ones doing it. So are Julia and Kiefer, Winona and Johnny, Bruce and Demi, Tom and Nicole, and Harry and Nicolette. Cupid is working overtime in Hollywood these days, slinging arrows at just about everybody and almost always hitting his mark. Veteran Hollywood publicist Warren Cohen says, ‘It’s no longer chic to be living an unmarried free life.’ USA Today celebrity columnist Jeannie Williams says, ‘These are uncertain times with AIDS, the economy and the war. A lot of today’s couples come from a divorced generation, so they want to create a stable life.’ Late last winter, Kiefer Sutherland gave his sweetie Julia Roberts a diamond ring. She has said he bestowed it on her ‘without questions and without response.’ Then, for her 23rd birthday in October, he presented her with a tattoo on her left shoulderblade. It’s a red heart inside of a black Chinese symbol that she has said means ‘strength of heart.’ Beyond that, Roberts, 23, keeps her sensuous lips sealed tight when it comes to discussing her 24-year-old Flatliners co-star – with whom she began co-habitating late last spring. ‘We’re together all the time. We work together, we’re in love with each other. That’s a life; you can’t ask for more.’”
9:29 – 70 percent of states in the United States require telephone companies to make and distribute phone books to all of their landline customers. 5 million trees are pulped and printed into white pages every year.
18:54 – MGM Resorts International released their odds to win next year’s Super Bowl. The Green Bay Packers are 6:1 favorites, the New England Patriots are 6:1 favorites and the Dallas Cowboys are 8:1 favorites.
20:11 – The FDA has approved a software app available for the iPad, iPhone and iPod touch that allows physicians and surgeons to view images and make medical diagnoses off their mobile devices of MRI and CT scans. They have not approved it for X-rays or mammograms. A team of radiologists have approved that under variable lighting conditions, the software offered very clear and crisp images quality enough for diagnostic interpretation.
23:34 – The Catholic church has a new app called “Confession,” making confession easier for your iPhone. It will walk Catholics through the confession process. It is the first known “imprimatur” to be featured in an app.
30:41 – Two former McDonald’s execs and an Oprah Winfrey celebrity chef named Art Smith are starting a restaurant called Life Kitchen in Palo Alto. It’s supposed to be a healthy chain with no cream or high-fructose corn syrup where they bake their fries. Jah thinks there’s a market for that in major metropolitan areas like LA, New York, Denver, Portland, etc.
41:32 – An article in Newsweek talks about newspaper delivery and how it used to be done by paperboys, whereas now it’s done by independent delivery contractors – adults who drive around the routes in pickup trucks.
47:36 – Denny’s is doing a whole new ad campaign, branding what they are. They’re not really a family restaurant anymore, they’re just trying to be an old-school diner. In the commercial, the waiter asks, “Anything else, hon?” The patron asks if she calls everybody that, but then every other patron in the place calls out a pet name she has for them. There are 1,600 Denny’s in the nation. They’re not calling these commercials; they’re calling them “dinersodes.” … “People think of the brand as a diner with great comfort food at a great place. They feel incredible warmth and an incredible connection with their servers.” This is not the first time Denny’s has evoked diners. In the late 1990s it tried to adopt the slogan “America’s Original Breakfast Diner,” and it made their franchisees remodel the restaurants with stainless steel exteriors, chrome interiors, neon lighting and checkerboard tile floors. When many balked at the cost of the renovations, the company suggested a less-expensive option with flourishes such as juke boxes and outfitting all of the servers in bowling shirts.
55:11 – Jamie Masada, owner of The Laugh Factory comedy club in Los Angeles, has a psychologist on hand four nights of the week at the club to offer free therarpy to the stand-up comics.
57:34 – Jah touches on prison guard corruption (Episode 254, 16:58) after Seth hands him an article today. Lawmakers who are struggling to keep cell phones away from California’s most dangerous inmates say a main obstacle is the politically powerful prison guards union – whose members would have to be paid millions of dollars extra to be searched on their way into work. Prison employees, roughly half of whom are unionized guards, are the main source of smuggled phones that inmates use to run drugs and other crimes according to the legislative analysts who examined the problem last year. Unlike visitors, staff can enter the facility without passing through metal detectors. While the union officials’ stated position is that they do not necessarily oppose searches, they cite a work requirement that correction officers be paid for “walk time.” Walk time is the minutes it takes for them to get from the front gate to their actual post behind the prison walls. Putting metal detectors along that route with an airport-like regime involving removal of steel toe boots and equipment-laden belts could double the walk time and thus add several millions of dollars to officers’ collective pay each year. … A couple facts: There were 10,000 cell phones confiscated in 2010; inmates will pay up to $1,000 for a phone; Charles Manson had 2 cell phones confiscated from him last year.
9:34 – When Bill Clinton entered office, there were 50 website available on the internet.
16:01 – The TSA has installed more than 500 scanners in 78 airports in an effort to find concealed weapons and/or contraband. Two senators are currently proposing a bill that would make it a crime to disseminate any of the images from the machine. Their goal is to keep all of the body scan images from leaking and ending up on the internet.
31:53 – Connecticut, Indiana and Georgia are the only 3 states in the U.S. that have an across-the-board ban on Sunday sales of any beer, wine or liquor in their stores or supermarkets.
42:37 – The California Supreme Court ruled that it is illegal for retailers to ask customers for their zip codes during credit card transactions. More than a dozen class action lawsuits have been filed against major chains for this.
49:01 – The 5th annual Rock on the Range Festival will be held May 21-22 at the Columbus Crew stadium in Columbus, Ohio. It’s sponsored by Monster Energy Drink and Jägermeister. On the lineup is Korn, Avenged Sevenfold, Escape the Fate, Staind, Hinder, Rev Theory, POD, Stone Sour, Disturbed, Saving Abel and The Hollywood Undead. There’s also one of these shows slated for Winnipeg, which is fitting considering the number of Canadian bands that will show up.
59:21 – The FDA has approved a new mammogram technology for women. It will allow for the creation of the image in 3D.
1:12:41 – Seth says that when Barack Obama took office, there were only 500 million websites.
6:02 – Some strange laws: Under the law of Mississippi, there is no such thing as a female peeping tom. In California, it is illegal to eat oranges while bathing. In Hartford, Conn., it’s illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.
11:57 – In 2011, there are going to be the most sequels/prequels ever released (27). The sequels: Cars 2, Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, The Hangover 2, Happy Feet 2, Hoodwinked 2, Johnny English Reborn, Kung Fu Panda 2, Piranha 3DD, Sherlock Holmes 2. There are 5 of the third version of a movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Big Momma’s Like Father Like Son, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Paranormal Activity 3, Transformers Dark of the Moon. There are five fourth versions of movies: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, Scream 4, Spy Kids 4, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. There are five fifth versions of movies: Fast 5, Final Destination 5, Puss n Boots, X-Men First Class Winnie the Pooh. There are two seventh versions of movies: The Muppets, Rise of the Apes, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.
18:08 – A “petaflop” is the equivalent of 2,507 trillion calculations. IBM supercomputer Mira is a 10 petaflop machine. She is capable of running programs at 10 quadrillion calculations per second. IBM said, “If every man, woman and child in the United States right now performed one calculation each second, it would take them collectively almost a year to to as many calculations as Mira will do in one second.”
28:32 – In 1962, 90% of babies were out of diapers by the age of 2 ½. In 1998, that number dropped to just 22%. Most of that was due to the invention of disposable diapers. As a result of that, there was something called “elimination communication,” or the practice of using timing, signals, cues and maternal intuition to address infants’ need to use the bathroom on their own. An equivalent of potty training a puppy where you figure out that it’s been a certain amount of time and it’s time to encourage the baby to go to the bathroom.
37:27 – Jah talks about the exposome, the master list of toxins encountered by the typical human body over a lifetime, ranging from environmental pollutants, natural byproducts of metabolism, etc. The exposome may be bigger than the genome and almost certainly has a greater influence on overall health. The exposome can be defined as the measure of all the exposures of an individual in a lifetime and how those exposures relate to disease. An individual’s exposure begins before birth and includes insults from the environmental and occupational sources. Understanding how our exposures from our environment, diet, lifestyle, etc., interact with our own unique characteristics like genetics, physiology and epigenetic makeup resulting in disease is how the exposome will be deciphered. Exposonomics is the study of the exposome and relies on other fields such as genomics, medibinomics, lipidomics, transcriptomics, protiomics and uses biomarkers, etc.
40:36 – Rachel Alexandra is the 2009 Horse of the Year. She straight boned down with Curlin – the 2007 and 2008 Horse of the Year – to create a potential superhorse. They met in a breeding shed at Lane’s End Farm near Versailles, Ky., this past Monday, and just laid it down.
59:43 – Smoking on airplanes has been banned since 1987. The U.S. Department of Transportation is now amending FAA regulations to make it very clear that electronic cigarettes will fall under the smoking ban. Several anti-smoking groups, along with the federal government, feel that if passengers see someone smoking an e-cigarette that they may become disoriented or confused and light up an actual cigarette.
19:30 – Google has filed for a patent on a facial recognition technology that uses facial recognition and various social networks to identify you. You can snap a photo of someone walking down the street that you would like to know more about, you upload it and Google will scour all social network sites to determine who it is.
28:15 – The BYU college basketball team was poised to make a run at the NCAA championship during this month’s March Madness. Unfortunately for them, star center Brad Davies was suspended for the remainder of the season for breaking the school’s Honor Code. He had sex with his girlfriend. The Mormon principles that govern the code include no sexual activity, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no caffeine and no swearing. The BYU Honor Code office has a FAQ on its website: “Q: What is the process for obtaining a beard exemption? A: A student who wishes to obtain a beard exception must visit a BYU Student Health Center doctor. The doctor will fax his recommendation. The student then needs to come to the Honor Code office to fill out paperwork and receive the letter. If the letter approves the growth of the beard, a new student ID will be issued after the beard has been fully grown, and then must be renewed every year by repeating the above process.”
40:55 – 100,000 people signed up within the first 24 hours to use a new app called “Breakup Notifier” that e-mails you when someone you are interested in changes their relationship status on Facebook. Facebook banned the app, but it reached 3.6 million people prior to the ban. The maker of that app has also now released “Waiting Room,” an app that allows you to subtly inform someone that you have a crush on them and that other opportunities exist outside the toxic relationship that they’re in. You’re in the waiting room and will be notified 48 hours after that relationship stops. There’s also “Crush Notifier,” which connects people who realize they have crushes on each other.
48:42 – Major League Baseball has begun a contest to give on “lucky” fan his dream job. The winner will move to an apartment in New York City for Opening Day on Thursday, March 31. This apartment will feature several large flat-screen televisions and it will be your job to watch every single game of the 2011 baseball season. You will spend every day eating, sleeping and living baseball. You will share that experience via social media sites, video blogs, webisodes and TV appearances – almost 5,000 baseball games in all.
51:00 – Elijah Dukes (Episode 066, 3:02; Episode 069, 2:17; and Episode 070, 14:22) is back in the news for slapping his pregnant wife. Seth says that if there was ever one tattoo that he would get, it would be “Yo Dog, You Dead Dog,” on his forearm.
1:01:04 – A psychology professor at Northwestern University had an after-lecture optional demonstration for his human sexuality class. About 100 students hung around a campus auditorium and they watched a woman undress on a stage while her male fiancé penetrated her with a machine-powered sex toy, bringing her to climax. JM Marcus said they hadn’t planned at first to fully demonstrate, but had found that they video the class had watched on female orgasms “completely and totally unrealistic.”
1:04:23 – According to Publisher’s Weekly, “everyting new age is newer again.” 2011 will see an influx of books focusing on angels and the divine, including a new book from James Redfield – author of the 1993 megahit “The Celestine Prophecy.” It has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide.
20:58 – Osama Bin Laden turns 54 today. Happy birthday, Osama.
24:00 – The median age for first marriages in 1950 was 20 years old for women and 23 years old for men. In 2009, the median age for women at first marriage was 26 and for men was 29.
32:01 – On Saturday night, April 9, UYD will do a live show extravaganza in Los Angeles at Largo at the Coronet Theater on La Cienega Blvd. by Trashy Lingerie. This will be an extended show – more than an hour long. The theater is bigger and will be able to hold more people than the Broad Theater.
37:53 – Rolling Stone magazine used to be a huge magazine. It’s now a tiny mag. In 1971, the people who graced the covers were the Beach Boys, Muhammad Ali, John Lennon, Bob Dylan, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Jim Morrison and Keith Richards. This month, we have Snooki on the cover.
1:11:53 – Jennifer Aniston listed her Beverly Hills estate for sale. It’s 10,000 square feet with a formal living room, paneled rosewood, a secondary living room, wet bar, 5 bedrooms, 2 kitchens, a gym, a 3-car garage, a swimming pool, spa, ponds, fountains, al fresco living room, etc. Jah guesses that it’s listed for $17 million, but it’s $42 million.
7:54 – When booking an airline trip, passengers face a dizzying number of decisions – economy or business class? Or first class? Pay extra to board early or get in line? Buy a refundable or non-refundable ticket. Book a seat with a personal entertainment system or just read a magazine. Travelers have so many choices that, according to a new survey, some passengers spend more time shopping for the flight than they do actually flying. Almost 20% of travelers spent 5 or more hours shopping and booking flights. According to a survey by a division of technology at IBM Corp, more than 2,000 business and leisure travelers were surveyed. Business travelers were generally more efficient in booking a flight as opposed to leisure travelers, but almost 40% of business travelers still spent at least 2 hours shopping and booking.
36:48 – Research presented at the Human Robot Interaction Conference in Switzerland – how do people respond to being touched by a robot? What we found was that how people perceived the intent of the robot was really important to how they responded to the touch of said robot. Even though the robot touched people in the same way, if people thought the robot was doing it to clean them versus doing it to comfort them, it made a significant difference in the way they responded and whether they found that contact favorable or not. In the study, researchers looked at how people responded when a robotic nurse known as Cody touched and wiped a person’s forearm. Although Cody touched subjects in exactly the same way, they reacted more positively when they believed Cody intended to clean their arm versus when they believed Cody intended to comfort them. These results echo similar studies done with humanoid nurses. “There have been studies of nurses and they’ve looked at how people responded to physical contact,” said Charlie Kemp, assistant professor in the Wallace H. Colter Department of Biomedical Engineering at Georgia Tech and Emory University. “They found that, in general, if people interpreted the touch of a nurse as being instrumental, as being important to the task at hand, then people were OK with it. But if people interpreted the touch as trying to provide comfort, they were not so comfortable with that.”
47:30 – One year ago this month in Playboy magazine, a musical entertainer by the name of John Mayer was interviewed. Playboy asks, “Among the things we’ve read about you – one is that you’re gay. Have you ever kissed a man?” John replies, “The only man I’ve ever kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve. I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time and I remember seeing Perez fleeting about this club and acting as if he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought to myself, I can outgay this guy. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tonguiest kiss I have ever put on anybody. Almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue-kissing him. That’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”
50:55 – One-hundred years ago, the first U.S. edition of the Boy Scout Handbook came out. There were a couple of entries in the 1911 edition. One was about confronting a dog in the wild. “To kill a rabid canine, wrap a handkerchief around your hand to prevent its teeth from entering the flesh and then grasp a club and club it to death.” The current edition, 100 years later, shows you how to protect yourself from cyberbullying. Another OG entry 100 years ago concerned first aid: “Treat gushing wounds by fashioning a tourniquet with a stick and a handkerchief.” 100 years later the current edition tells you to treat these wounds by calling 911.
3:30 – Friday is April Fool’s Day. Seth says be ready to not get duped.
4:34 – A man in Dallas/Fort Worth received the nation’s first full facial transplant. There have been a couple partial facial transplants but never an entire one like this. His face was melted by a power line that he was working on. They were not able to restore his sight, but they think it will be a vast improvement over what was previously there – skin grafts.
8:16 – Aramark food services will be outfitting many U.S. ballparks with the bottom’s-up beer dispensers. It fills the beer from the bottom. A 4-cup station can pour as many as 44 beers per minute. An Aramark spokesman said “It’s another reason for fans to get excited.”
13:45 – 7-11 opened their 40,000th store this week in 16 countries. The CEO of 7-11 said, “We’re opening up a new store every 3 hours.” McDonald’s had 32,737 restaurants worldwide at the end of 2010, and Subway had 33,749.
15:35 – Tommy Hilfiger was asked by ESPN The Magazine to redesign the Dallas Cowboys’ new uniform. He did a terrible job.
24:04 – Jah appropriately reads this as he lights a gross cigarette. 10 cities that have smoking problems, according to The Daily Beast: 10) Las Vegas, Nev.; 9) Grand Rapids, Mich.; 8) Birmingham, Ala.; 7) Oklahoma City, Okla.; 6) St. Louis; 5) Louisville, Ky.; 4) Indianapolis, Ind.; 3) Memphis, Tenn.; 2) Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, Pa.; and 1) Tulsa, Okla. In Tulsa, nearly one-quarter of the city’s population are smokers, and they go through 16 cigarettes a day on average.
38:19 – There’s a musical called Rock of Ages, which is about Hollywood in the 80s. It has the music of Styx, Journey, Bon Jovi, Twisted Sister, Poison and Asia. It debuted in LA in 2006. There’s a character named Stacey Jaxx, a callous arrogant rock star who doesn’t care about his fans. The role was originated by Chris Hardwick in the original production, the host of Web Soup. He will be played by Tom Cruise in the movie.
44:14 – The University of Southern California’s chapter of Kappa Sigma is facing an investigation after a very offensive e-mail addressed to the members was made public. The letter was designed to be the first in a weekly series called “The Gullet Report,” which aimed to “strengthen brotherhood and help pinpoint sororstitutes more inclined to put out.”
52:30 – Some scholars say early versions of the Bible featured Asharah, a powerful fertility goddess who may have been God’s wife.
12:38 – The top 5 reasons why men and women cried at work, from Time Magazine: 5) Men: I got a negative performance review. Women: I was unfairly blamed or criticized for something; 4) Women: My child/partner/parent/sibling was sick. Men: Someone I work with had a family crisis; 3) Women: Someone yelled or snapped at me. Men: I was unfairly blamed or criticized for something; 2) Women: I was overwhelmed and cried in order to cope. Men: A customer or client was rude; and 1) Women: Stress from home spilled over into work. Men: Stress from home spilled over into work.
15:34 – An article in The New York Times about the Department of Housing and Real Estate mentioned illegal words/phrases you can’t use in the realty classifieds game – no chicanos, not for handicapped, fisherman’s retreat (a euphemism for gay boys).
26:57 – The Red Sox added a bottom’s up valve at Fenway Park (Episode 264, 8:16). Now they want to take liquor that’s only sold at upper-level premium seats and distribute it to the masses.
32:20 – The latest version of the Oxford English Dictionary includes the noun “la la land.” It can refer to either Los Angeles, or to a state of being out of touch with reality. It can also at times refer to both simultaneously.
33:16 – Massage parlors are having their medical marijuana renaissance where they’re everywhere.
38:36 – In real estate news, Mischa Barton (25 years old) of the no-longer-running TV series The O.C. was also on a show called The Beautfiul Life on the CW that got canceled in 2009 after 2 episodes. Last year she did one episode of Law & Order: SVU. She also went out with Cisco Adler for a short period of time. (Episode 076, 47:22). She’s selling her house in the Beverly Hills Post Office area. There’s a main house, 3 guest houses, 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, 6 fireplaces, 9,800 square feet, 1.2 acres including a swimming pool and a spa. She’s selling this house for $8.7 million.
50:48 – Head lice is out of control with kids. A woman has a salon called the LKY Salon (Lice Knowing You!) near Seattle. They want to call them lice removal technicians.
1:59 – Seth says happy birthday to Hugh Hefner, who turns 85. He will wed his girlfriend Crystal Harris this summer. She has a birthday at the end of the month – she will be 25.
7:09 – Arthur came out this weekend starring Russell Brand. It garnered very low aggregate scores from almost all critics – all but Ben Lyons of E! Entertainment Television, who called the movie “Brilliant.”
8:48 – Officials at a San Fernando-based clinic that caters to the porn industry is investigating allegations that private patient information was leaked on a website called PornWikiLeaks.com. They posted birth dates, real names and stage names of more than 12,000 performers – both former and current.
24:15 – Invasivores are people who only eat invading species of plants and animals, like the lionfish or edible weeds and plants that overtake certain crops. This can include eating species of animals in overabundance like pigeons and squirrels.
30:40 – An article in Slate magazine tells about women taking home pregnancy tests but filming themselves taking them and uploading them to YouTube – called “WombTube” videos.
33:20 – A pilot had to make an emergency landing at Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans. While talking to the air traffic controller he says “32,400 pounds of fuel. We have 106 souls on board.”
34:18 – Jah reminds everyone that tax day has been extended from April 15 to midnight on Monday, April 18 because of Emancipation Day.
34:47 – Seth thanks everyone for choosing his party over the White Party that was going on in Palm Springs.
1:07:47 – Right now is a renaissance for hand modeling (Episode 078, 24:33). The reason is because there are so many more electronic devices being released on a regular basis – there has never been a bigger need for perfect hands.
1:08:38 – Maine has become the first state in the country to allow people with one arm to carry a switchblade. The legalization would eliminate the need for one-armed people to have to open knives with their teeth in emergencies.
4:35 – Students allegedly received lap dances from strippers in an ethics class at a Philadelphia university. The Inquirer newspaper reported on Tuesday La Salle University professor Jack Rappaport, who teaches business studies, was suspended after he reportedly organized strippers to attend a class on “the application of platonic and Hegelian ethics to business,” the newspaper said. About 30 students paid $150 each to attend the March 21 extra-credit class, which also was attended by strippers dressed in bikinis and miniskirts, according to two students who wish to remain anyonymous. Rappaport and students were given lap dances during the class, according to some students. Other students said that while there were scantily clad women at the lecture, no dancing actually occurred. Rappaport, who’s 57, has been teaching at La Salle University since 1979 and was well-known among students. According to comments posted on Ratemyprofessors.com, “Extremely strange man. Loves gambling, horse racing and strip joints. Talks about all of the above all the time.”
9:31 – An article in the Los Angeles Times profiled a group of women who go shopping with older black ladies to teach them about nutrition and healthier food options. One of the women was quoted as saying “I always thought artichokes were an uppity vegetable.” Seth agrees with this sentiment.
16:47 – The president of the American Atheists Association says that 675 people have already registered for the annual convention this week in Des Moines, Iowa. That would more than double the attendance of last year’s Newark, N.J., convention, and would also beat the record of 550 that was set in Atlanta, Ga.
28:08 – The LA Times Travel section features a piece on the bag fee dodger. “On a recent American Airlines flight, we were appalled that some people tried to board with oversized baggage which the airline then sent through like the rest of the checked baggage. They paid nothing for this while we paid $50 for our two pieces of luggage each way. The airline should make these people step aside while everyone else boards and make them pay accordingly. Do we complain to the Federal Aviation Administration or other governmental agencies to correct this?”
38:14 – He called himself the “supreme commander.” From a storefront in Temple City, Calif., decorated to look like a military recruitment center, David Deng raised an army of more than 100 Chinese nationals and claimed they were members of an elite U.S. special forces unit. Together they marched in local Chinese New Year parades. They even received a special military tour in uniform at the U.S.S. Midway Museum in San Diego. Chinese language newspapers even ran photos of the troops with prominent community leaders. But prosecutors this week charged that Deng’s U.S. Army/military special forces reserve was actually a huge immigration scam that preyed on Chinese immigrants in the San Gabriel Valley desperate to become U.S. citizens. Authorities alleged that Deng charged members up to $500 to join plus an annual $120 renewal fee. He told them joining the group would increase their chances of becoming U.S. citizens. The more money they donated to the organization, he allegedly told them, the better chances of becoming citizens. They were typically low-wage workers toiling away at Chinese restaurants. Most were from the LA area but some were as far away as Georgia. They were provided with fake documents and military IDs as well as phony uniforms, apparently purchased at a military surplus store. FBI spokesman said the investigation about 3 years ago when local police began noticing that some people pulled over during traffic stops produced fake military IDs but with full confidence. Last year one Chinese language newspaper reported that at Alhambra taxi driver was arrested near Los Angeles International Airport after he produced counterfeit military identification while trying to get out of a traffic stop. He told investigators that he used this to avoid getting traffic tickets and he also tried to get military beneifts and discounts. Some of the recruits were so convinced that they were part of the U.S. military that they actually visited real recruiting centers and tried to pay their monthly fees there.
44:52 – Angered by repeated releases of secretly filmed videos claiming to show the mistreatment of farm animals, Iowa’s agriculture industry is pushing legislation that would make it illegal for animal rights activists to produce and distribute such images.
47:18 – EA Sports will release Madden ‘12, which will feature a to-be-determined player on its cover, in August. The new version will sideline any player who suffers an in-game concussion for the rest of the game.
48:58 – Some gymnasiums have started a new policy to keep their new members on track. You pledge to work out a certain number of days a week, and if you don’t show up they charge your debit card.
50:43 – There are 3 new websites that allow you to post every single website that you visit every single day. One of them, VoyURL, uses the slogan “It’s OK to look.” Another is Site Simon, “What are you looking at?” and Discover.me – “discover a whole new web.” There are certain people whom Jah would like to track their online browsing history.
8:59 – Summer school has been cut in LA because of funding. Then Seth looked up the film Summer School, which was released July 22, 1987, starring Mark Harmon. The poster is Harmon wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a lei on and sunglasses in his hand. His dog is next to him with a lei and sunglasses on his face. It says “At Oceanfront High, what do they call a guy who cuts classes, hates homework and lives for summer vacation? Teacher.”
12:17 – Consumers filed 1.1 million complaints against North American businesses with the Better Business Bureau in 2010 – a 10% increase from 2009. The BBB said in a new release that cable and satellite television companies were the target of most of the complaints, as well as cell phone companies and new car dealers.
19:28 – According to a recent poll asking people if they thought the internet was a “good thing,” 84% of respondents answered “Yes.” Sixteen percent said, “Not really, we were doing just fine without it.”
26:01 – Rob Lowe wrote a memoir called “Stories I Only Tell My Friends.” One of the anecdotes was about Darryl Hanna: “I am deeply infatuated with her. But she informs me that she is a virgin and she is saving herself for Jackson Browne, whom she has never met. I swallow my disappointment, tell her she’s chosen well and wish her God speed.” Darryl Hanna then eventually dates Jackson Browne at age 23. Seth thinks it might be possible that she lost her V-card to JB.
30:20 – Several articles in the March supplement of the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology have shown that antibiotic ointments do not aid in healing or reduce the risk of infection, but they do raise the risk of antibiotic resistance.
33:26 – Medicine apparently doesn’t work properly in space. Drugs crucial for treating everything from a mild headache to serious infection seemingly don’t work properly in the radically different environment away from earth. Radiation might also be part of the problem. On earth, medicine can generally remain effective for about two years as long as it is stored correctly. Proper storage generally involves keeping it away from direct sunglight and in a cool, dry space, but there are plenty of conditions we have taken for granted on Earth that are nothing like those we find in outer space – where radiation, excessive vibrations, microgravity and carbon dioxide-rich environments and variations in humidity and temperature are all potential issues.
42:07 – The United States Postal Service changed the price of postcard stamps from 28 cents to 29 cents on Monday.
45:08 – The soaring fuel prices have drivers running on empty, which Jah can attest to because he’s been dead broke. The Automobile Club of Southern California said that nearly 16,000 members a month are making one of those mildly embarrassing “I’m stranded and I need gasoline” calls. That is up 13% from last year. The pace represents the biggest jump since California motorists were paying a record average of $4.61 a gallon for regular gasoline in July of 2008. “It’s happening again to a lot of people,” Automobile Club spokesperson Jeff Spring said. “Our presumption is that these current high gasoline prices have a lot to do with it.” California’s average Friday was $4.19 a gallon, according to the AAA. Only Hawaii has more expensive gas than California, with an average of $4.46 a gallon. The U.S. average was $3.81. Jah wants Seth to explain why gas is so much more in California.
55:49 – If they do play NFL football this year, they released the schedule. On the 10-year anniversary of the attacks on 9/11, on Sunday night on NBC, the first week of the season, the Dallas Cowboys will travel to New York City to play the Jets.
3:26 – Seth takes us back 5 years to May of 2006. People magazine gives us “The Private World of Katie Holmes” which provides an anecdote of Katie and Suri on the tarmac with Cruise.
16:33 – A Newport Beach fitness photographer in his late 30s carried on a months-long sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl after promising to jump start her modeling career. Aiding him in this relationship, prosecutors said, was the photographer’s fiancée – who allegedly gained the trust of the girl’s mother before delivering the teenager to photographer Jason James Ellis so they could spend time alone together. Nearly 3 years later, as the statutory rape trial draws near, the case has taken a bizarre turn – with Ellis marrying his alleged victim 3 months after she turned 18. The alleged victim has declined to help the prosecution.
25:47 – On NPR, the founder of Panda Express is considering taking the Chinese fast-food chain to China.
36:05 – It’s May 2011 and Seth decides to take us back to May 2010. This is about Spencer Pratt in the Portland Mercury newspaper. “Can you talk more about crystals?” Spencer Pratt: “Once I found out that like all of our like coolest fighter jets and all the aircraft carriers’ radar and all the spaceships. Once I found out that NASA and everybody was using crystals in their computer systems to generate more power, and then when I realized that my LCD TV is liquid crystal definition, and then when I realized that my gold Rolex has a crystal running it, and that my iPad is just a crystal with like crystalline silicone chips – I realized that everything I do, everything that I love, everything has to do with crystals. Energy, like they totally give you energy, it’s science. They have pietzo electricity frequencies and they can track all this stuff with microscopes. I mean, yeah.” … “Tell me more about your spirituality?” Pratt: “I’m more like The Matrix style. I feel like we’re all connected, like The One. I would stay that instead of Christianity, I’m a crystal, you feel me?”
47:27 – A former quantitative analyst has received a $2 million grant from Google to help him open the only museum in the United States dedicated solely to mathematics. The Museum of Mathematics, or MoMath, is scheduled to open in NYC in 2012.
49:17 – According to a recent annual survey conducted by the travel website Trip Advisor, 51% of travelers said they are “comfortable” with the new Transportation Security Administration’s safety and security procedures.
55:35 – According to a fast food retail analyst, the introduction of dollar menus mixed with the effects of the recession and the end of super sizing have taken an enormous toll on French fry consumption. Numbers are the lowest they’ve been in a decade. A new trend in the fry game may be sweet potato fries – but J-dawg disagrees because they’re tougher on digestion.
1:00:53 – Lyralisa Stevens, who was born male but lives as a female, is serving 50 years to life in a California prison for killing a San Bernadino County woman with a shotgun in a dispute over clothes. Stevens is one of more than 300 inimates in the state prison systems diagnosed with gender identity disorder, a psychiatric condition addressed in free society with hormone replacement therapy – in some cases, sex reassignment surgery. Prison officials have provided female hormones for Stevens since her incarceration in 2003, but now she is asking the First District Court of Appeal in San Francisco to require the state to pay for a sex change operation. Stevens, 42, and her expert witnesses say that surgery is medically necessary and the removal of her penis and testicles and the transfer to a women’s prison are the best way to protect her from rape and sexual abuse from male inmates.
1:05:57 – Sacramento voted to disband the city of Vernon due to corruption.
3:48 – Just when it can’t get any worse for Californians with the tanning tax, California is now introducing a bill that would make it the first state in the U.S. to ban anyone under the age of 18 to use tanning beds at all.
5:19 – Seth thought that when we got Osama, things are going to change for the better – but seemingly not. Seth says that UYD was a part of the bin Laden capture, and was on a hunt for him throughout the 5 years of this show. Seth thinks SEAL Team 6 should be Team 8, including two honorary members of UYD nation.
16:55 – Some gems from among the Social Security Administration’s top baby names for 2010 – Girls: 7) Destiny, 708) Destinee, 94) Valeria, 422) Journey, 931) Journee, 437) Helen, 869), Belen, 479) Dayana, 813) Chanel, 814) Armani. Boy: 28) Jonathan, 278) Amir, 165) Seth, 101) Bentley, 668) Bently, 842) Bentlee, 201) Cash, 602) Kash, 368) Larry, 377) Walter, 478) Cason, 481) Kason, 589) Kale, 643) Sincere, 731) Maxim, 755) Gauge, 882) Gaige, 786) Steve, 811) Ean, 848) Blaze, 957) Blaise, 854) Krish.
32:01 – Illinois was sued by deaf inmates. A deaf prisoner punished when he couldn’t explain that he didn’t steal food was among 11 inmates who filed a lawsuit claiming that Illinois violates their civil rights by denying them help that they need to communicate. The lawsuit claims that deaf and partially deaf prisoners have limited access to sign language interpreters, which essentially excludes them from training programs, religious services, etc. They often can’t discuss medical care with doctors and have missed meals and visitors because they can’t hear many of the announcements – according to the complaint, filed in federal court.
37:35 – Websites that track fuel costs have drivers in Hawaii tipping the scales at $6.03 a gallon.
40:16 – The League of American Bicyclists have deemed May National Bike Month. Monday, May 16 – Friday, May 20 is national Bike to Work Week, and Friday, May 20 is National Bike to Work Day.
54:24 – Guy Fieri has a new cookbook out, called Cookin’ It, Livin’ It, Lovin’ It
1:04:17 – The Hard Rock Vegas – Reload on Friday, Revel on Saturday, Rehab on Sunday, Relax on Monday.
4:11 – The end is nigh. Saturday, May 21, according to Family Radio, the jig is up.
6:22 – Google has now introduced Google Places – a feature that builds upon its mapping services by letting users see inside businesses. The service will be available this week in the U.S. and Japan. The feature will let owners showcase a 360-degree view of their shops. “It takes our imagery inside the business with the business owner’s permission,” vice president of product management, Marissa Mayer, said. Google, competing with sites like Yelp!, is catering to local businesses in a bid to increase advertising opportunities. They also announced a marketing program last month that offers discounts from local firms, putting it in competition with Groupon.
9:16 – A text message warning system is going to be implemented. Obama, who has been called the texter in chief, will soon have the ability to send any cell phone in the U.S. warning of impending danger from a tornado or a terrorist under a new emergency alert system called PLAN. The new system is an expansion of the Federal Communications Commission’s Emergency Alert System, which is currently broadcast over radio and television. Short for Personal Localized Alerting Network, the system will first debut in NYC by 2011, with the rest of the U.S. to follow about mid-2012, the FCC said in a statement. The text message warnings will be able to be sent to phones and other mobile devices based on their geographic locations across different mobile carriers. Officials said only 3 types of alerts will be sent on PLAN – messages issued by the President, alerts involving imminent threats to safety and also Amber Alerts.
15:29 – About 7.5 million active Facebook users are skirting the company’s age policy by lying about their age and saying they are 13 years or older. Among those pre-teens, more than 5 million are under the age of 10, according to a Consumer Reports survey. This violates Facebook’s own policy that’s meant to avoid federal regulations that apply to websites with young members. Those regulations require people who sign up to be at least 13, the report says. The minors’ accounts were largely unsupervised by their parents, exposing them to malware and other more serious threats such as predators or bullies. “Despite Facebook’s age requirements, many kids are using the site who shouldn’t be,” Consumer Reports technology editor Jeff Fox said. “What’s even more troubling was the finding from our survey that indicates that the majority of parents of kids 10 and under seemed largely unconcerned by their children’s use of the site.
19:06 – A team of burglars has been roaming the streets of downtown Los Angeles searching for aging, vacant buildings they can strip bare. Over the last year, at least 4 buildings have been stripped clear of copper wiring and other metals during brazen heists that often take days to complete. Police estimate that each job is yielding more than $1 million in metals. Detectives say they caught an alleged member of a team at the old Garfield building at 8th and Hill streets. Police swarmed the building after being alerted by some construction workers nearby who noticed wet footprints and heard voices. SWAT officers and police dogs crept through the 1928 art deco tower in complete darkness dodging pipe boobytraps that the burglars had set up to kill them. They arrested a suspect hiding in a corner on the seventh floor. Police believe he and others spend days ripping out newly installed copper wiring from walls, stripping transformers of wire and stealing pipe and sprinkler heads from the 13-story structure. They found the burglars had apparently lowered a massive transformer from an upper floor to the basement by using old fire hoses abandoned in the buildings. The burglars at the Garfield went to elaborate lengths, sometimes tapping into the power supply to run lights and heavy tools to spend days at a time in the building. Most of the metal was sold at recyclers in Southern California and within days was bound for countries such as China and India, whose rapidly growing economies have enormous demand and need for such metals.
21:33 – A University of Texas law professor combed through legal databases to identify song lyrics in both court filings and scholarly legal publications to find out who the top 10 most referenced musical artists are within the legal world: 10) REM, 9) Joni Mitchell, 8) Simon & Garfunkel, 7) The Grateful Dead, 6) The Rolling Stones, 5) Woody Guthrie, 4) Paul Simon, 3) Bruce Springsteen, 2) The Beatles, and 1) Bob Dylan.
31:38 – Avon Books announced they had set up a digital romance imprint called Avon Impulse. This is where books by new and established authors in the romance genre will be able to be released electronically. The imprint begins with an e-novealla called “A Ladie’s Wish,” and multiple titles will be planned in the future. The digital market has been especially strong for romance fiction, because fans can read e-editions in public without fear of embarrassment.
33:28 – May is Masturbation Month
12:33 – According to a new survey in Newsweek, the percentage of U.S. college students who are moving back home after graduation is 85%.
14:31 – Jah didn’t know Manute Bol was dead. Seth was afraid to tell J-dawg that he died from Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. He warns everyone not to Google image search that.
19:53 – The world’s current population is nearly 7 billion. A United Nations report says that by the year 2050, the number will have swollen to 9.3 billion.
26:27 – A Steppenwolf Planet is a rogue planet that has been ejected from its planetary system. These lone wolf planets wander interstellar space and have the ability and possibility to contain oceans of water trapped under ice that would enable these galaxy-hopping beings to contain alien life forms for billions of years.
42:57 – May is National Youth Traffic Safety Month
47:35 – A growing movement among health care professionals advocates giving women nitris oxide while they give birth. So far, only 3 medical centers in the country offer the gas.
5:59 – 48 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute. There are 3 billion views each day.
34:43 – Harold Camping of Family Radio reports that there was a misunderstanding. A key biblical passage was misinterpreted, and the new Rapture date is October 21, 2011.
36:46 – Seth lets us know about the hottest pool parties in Vegas – Encore Beach Club at the Wynn, Wet Republic at MGM Grand, Liquid at Aria, Tao Beach at The Venetian, Venus Pool Club at Caesar’s, Moria Beach at Mandalay Bay, Bare at The Mirage, Ditch Fridays at The Palms, Marquee Dayclub at The Cosmopolitan or Nikki Beach The Tropicana.
39:24 – There’s a hippie music festival in Chillicothe, Ill., called the 11th Annual Summer Campu Music Festival. On the docket is Widespread Panic, Umphrey’s McGee and moe.
41:57 – The American Psychiatric Association met in Honolulu this past week. They were there for the professional society’s annual meeting. Among the myriad proposals now on the table is the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) – which began as a guidebook for the U.S. Armed Forces in 1952. They’re doing their first revision in almost 20 years. They’re discussing reducing the number of specific personality disorders. Right now they have 10 and might want to reduce down to 5 – which would eliminate the diagnosis of narcissistic disorder.
58:40 – Fraudulent use of disabled parking placards has exploded in California. 1 in 10 California drivers are legally registered to carry handicap tags.
1:02:33 – In Mandarin and Cantonese, the word for the number 4 sounds like the word for “death.” They’re having this enormous problem where there are thousands of houses that cannot be bought or put up for sale b/c they’re so superstitious about places bearing a 4 in the address. If there are two 4s in it, not a chance it will sell. One property is worth $1.4 million. If the address stays the same, it will lose $400,000. The number 8 sounds like the word for “prosper,” so those houses are flying. Supporters say that changing building numbers isn’t such an unusual thing and they should be allowed to lobby the city and be more accommodating. After all, Ronald Reagan took up residence at 666 St. Cloud Road in Bel-Air, but they changed the address to 668 to avoid the number of the beast.
1:07:23 – Computer errors prompted California prison officials to mistakenly release an estimated 450 inmates with a “high risk for violence” as unsupervised parolees in a program meant to ease overcrowding, according to the state’s inspector general. More than 1,000 additional prisoners presenting a high risk of committing drug crimes, property crimes and other offenses were also let out, officials said. No attempt was made to return any of the offenders to state lockups or place them on supervised parole, said inspector general spokeswoman Renee Hanson. All of the prisoners were placed on non-revokable parole. Participants are not required to report to parole officers and can be sent back to prison only if caught committing another crime. The program was started in January 2010 for inmates judged to be very low-risk of re-offending, leaving parole agents free to focus on high-risk parolees. The revelations come two days after the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that California’s prisons are dangerously overcrowded and upheld an earlier order that state officials find a way to reduce the 143,335 inmate population by roughly 33,000. The state has two years to comply. Currently, many California prisoners are living on basketball courts – 200 prisoners to a gym. They have 1 toilet for every 54 prisoners and there is around 1 suicide a week.
1:09:46 – The PCLR test is a psychological evaluation test created by Canadian psychiatrists and it’s widely used to determine if you’re a psychopath. They use it to determine whether prisoners are eligible for parole, but it’s a 50-question test – there are freak occurrences where it doesn’t seem to make sense, like the person on paper isn’t who they are in real life. No politician is willing to let any prisoners out who have a bad score because it’s a kiss of death.
1:18:10 – Bill Clinton isn’t dead, but he’s going vegan.
13:50 – The Tonys are this weekend in New York City, and Jonathan’s father could win one. The Emmys are Sept. 18. In the Best Variety Comedy Series, there’s The Daily Show, which won 2003-2010, but Seth thinks maybe this is the year The Colbert Report could usurp it since it’s actually better. The all-time biggest Emmy loser is Bill Maher, with over 26 nominations and no wins.
21:53 – State lawmakers in Tennessee have passed a groundbreaking measure that would make it a crime to use a friend’s login information – even with permission – to listen to songs and/or watch movies from services such as Netflix or Rhapsody. The bill, now awaiting the governor’s signature, was pushed by recording industry officials to stop the loss of billions of dollars of revenue to illegal music sharing. They hope other states will follow. The legislation was aimed at hackers and thieves who sell passwords in bulk, but sponsors acknowledge that it could be employed against people who use a friend’s or relative’s subscription.
24:38 – June is National LGBT Pride Month. Seth wonders how many tank tops that Jah owns he could pull out of his closet right now for Pride Month. Jah says 6.
25:52 – The Department of Homeland Security has a facility somewhere in the northeast where they’re developing a program called FAST – future attribute screening technology. It’s basically pre-crime detection gauging the ability to sense people who intend to commit a crime. It merges all our deepest, darkest fears with behavioral science. It monitors people’s heart and respiratory rates. It has an eye tracker for pupil position and gaze of eyes. Thermal recognition to recognize the pitch and changes in voice, etc.
29:45 – Seth read an article in the LA Times called “Where Did The McStays Go?” about a mother, father and two young sons who got into their Isuzu Trooper on Feb. 4, 2010, and haven’t been seen or heard from since.
34:33 – The North Korean Index on Global Happiness ranked the world’s happiest countries from 1 to 203. No. 5 was Venezuela, No. 4 was Iran, No. 3 was Cuba, No. 2 was North Korea and No. 1 was China. Finishing dead-last in the 203 slot was The United States of America.
36:10 – “Breastaurants,” previously mentioned on UYD (Episode 152, 15:52), profiled Twin Peaks and Bone Daddy’s. A new article on them mentions Tilted Kilt, a Celtic-themed sports bar where the girls are in plaid miniskirts. There’s also Knockers, Melons, Mugs n Jugs, Cheerleaders, Bleachers, Zoomers and Fraternity House.
40:15 – Sammy Hagar has a restaurant/bar called Cabo Wabo, and has the “I Can’t Drive 55 Nachos Challenge,” which is 8 pounds of chips, cheese and fixings. If you can finish the plate solo, it’s on the house.
41:23 – The US Department of Justice holds a mock prison riot at a retired gothic-style West Virginia state penitentiary in Moundsville, W.Va. It was in operation from 1876-1995. They house an annual training and technology conference. It’s a 4-day tactical and technological experience. It includes training scenarios, tech demonstrations, law enforcement and correctional officer networking. Touch, see and deploy new weaponry.
46:52 – Ellen Degeneres listed her Beverly Hills estate for sale. It’s a 4-structure compound. It was formed starting in 2007. It’s 15,000 square feet of interior space including a 9,200-square-foot main house, two guest houses, an additional two-bedroom house that can be used as an office, etc. It’s listed at $49 million.
50:15 – Total U.S. Summer camps – 12,000. 7,000 are residential and 5,000 are day camps. 10 million kids will attend this summer. 1.5 million adults will attend.
55:45 – High-walled cubicles are quickly becoming a relic in the modern workplace. You don’t want to cordon yourself off from the rest of the office. You want executives to be able to move in and out of the office and sit with the workers.
1:04:52 – Jah reads an article from the LA Times: “The reasoning seemed disarmingly simple: In a time of fiscal crisis and over-crowded prisons, why should California spend hundreds of millions of dollars retaining prisoners so sick, aged, paralyzed or otherwise infirm that they are no longer a threat to the public? And so the Legislature passed a bill to permit medical paroles as both a humanitarian gesture and a way to save money for the state. But theory has collided with the reality that prosecutors will fight vigorously to keep even incapacitated prisoners behind bars, that the parole board can be a highly skeptical body and that some prisoners committed heinously brutal acts before they fell victim to the medical problems that rendered them “safe.” Last week, the first prisoner to seek a medical parole was quickly and profoundly rejected by the board: Steven Martinez, now 42, convicted of kidnapping, beating and raping a San Diego woman in 1998. A repeat violent offender, he was sentenced to 150 years. A knife attack in prison in 2001 severed Martinez's spinal cord, leaving him a quadriplegic. His medical expenses cost the state more than $600,000 a year. When he was in a medical facility outside the prison, the cost of round-the-clock guards exceeded $800,000 a year. His family — his father is a retired firefighter, his mother a former business executive — is ready to take him home and provide care. But San Diego County Dist. Atty. Bonnie Dumanis wants Martinez to remain in prison, although she said she does not disagree with the law and might support other prisoners seeking release. The parole board, without allowing Martinez to attend the hearing, agreed that he is still a threat. If paroled, the board said, he could possibly use his vocal cords, which are not paralyzed, to order crimes, maybe attacks on state employees. “In the end, fear won out over reason,” said Ken Karan, a Carlsbad attorney who represents Martinez.
4:49 – An article on CNN talked about biblical passages that people use all the time that don’t actually appear in the Bible, or “phantom scripture.” These include, “this too shall pass,” “God helps those who help themselves,” “spare the rod, spoil the child,” “God works in mysterious ways,” “cleanliness is next to godliness,” etc.
5:55 – Blink-182 is touring this summer. Their tour schedule includes the Hollywood Bowl and other big venues.
13:41 – Betty Taylor, 91, and Wally Boag, 90, were both personally hired by Walt Disney. Betty was hired in 1956 and Wally was hired in 1955 to star in the Frontier Land attraction, Disney Land’s Golden Horseshoe Review. Betty played the singing saloon hostess Slue Foot Sue and she was the on-stage sweetheart of Boag’s Pecos Bill. They performed the show more than 40,000 times. Boag died this past Friday in a nursing home in Santa Monica. Taylor died the next day at a nursing home in Washington State.
16:45 – The month of June is Ride A Cat to Work Month. Just kidding, it’s National Adopt A Cat Month.
18:33 – The Better Business Bureau is urging consumers to be very careful when dealing with door-to-door magazine grifters. The BBB received more than 600 complaints in the first five months of 2011 about magazine sales – most from people saying the mags never arrived or that they were tricked into ordering more subscriptions than intended.
22:43 – Bands have turned to something that was once relegated to the back of the auditorium next to the beer and hot dogs – merchandise. Not just t-shirts, these days band merch includes a host of sometimes bizarre items, including dolls, tooth brushes, pinball machines, sunglasses, etc.
25:28 – There was a minor league baseball game last Friday night in Alabama between the Huntsville Stars (a Milwaukee Brewers affiliate) and the Tennessee Smokies (a Chicago Cubs affiliate). Two promotions took place on the same night to bring fans into the ballpark. The first promotion was Pleasures Lady Night Fridays. The other promotion was for an Alabama Girl Scouts sleepover at the stadium following the game.
28:22 – Married couples have dropped below half of American households for the first time. The Census Bureau says it’s a milestone in the evolution of the American family toward less traditional forms. Married couples represented just 48% of American households in 2010, according to data being made public Thursday and analyzed by the Brookings Institution. This was slightly less than in 2000 but far below the 78% of households occupied by married households in 1950. What is more, just a fifth of households were traditional families – married couples with children, down from about a quarter a decade ago and from 43% percent in 1950.
36:05 – Shoppers can now check out their own behinds in the dressing rooms of two locations of American Rags. There’s a camera that projects an image on the fitting room mirrors so you can see how your tush looks in those jeans.
39:09 – Jockey Michael Baze, only 24 years old, was found dead in his car near the horse stables at the Kentucky Derby in Louisville last month. He had an upcoming court date for a cocaine possession charge. In the autopsy they found cocaine and oxycontin in his blood.
54:14 – If you’ve had a laptop computer lost or damaged during security screening at LAX, you are not alone. Laptops are the item most often listed as lost or damaged in claim reports filed against the TSA at LAX, according to analysis of TSA records. In a 3-year period, passengers at LAX filed 1,702 claims – second only to NYC’s JFK Airport, with 2,277 claims.
19:54 – The Supreme Court has ruled 6-3 that fleeing from the police in a vehicle can trigger a mandatory 15-year term in federal prison if it is a criminal’s third strike.
34:11 – The month of June is National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month.
40:47 – The Disney Company, as a part of their efforts to capture future Disney enthusiasts while they’re still in the cradle, will open its first baby store next year at the Americana Mall in Glendale, Calif. Disney consumer products chairman Andy Mooney said the company plans to open two such stores – one on each coast – to display the best of its new infant line.
43:43 – With no end to high gas prices in sight, the Better Business Bureau has warned consumers not to fall for tempting products and schemes said to help save money at the pump. Most of them are simply too good to be true. When it comes to the products that you can attach to your car or add to your fuel, be very skeptical of their performance. Over the past decade, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency has tested more than 100 gas-saving devices and has not identified any that significantly improved gas milage. In fact, they’ve determined that some of them could eventually cause engine damage. Some products might make a slight difference but claims of drastic improvement in your fuel economy are red flags of a ripoff. Also beware of anyone claiming their product has been “approved by the federal government.” The marketing of supposed miraculous gas gadgets has occurred during every gas crisis period since the mid-1970s but in more recent years we’ve been seeing problems with gas prizes and gas clubs.
47:04 – The Oak Hall Cap and Gown Company in Salem, Va., created the “Green Weaver line,” caps and gowns made entirely of recycled plastic bottles. Cal Tech’s most recent graduating class all sported them. Jostens offers a wood-based fiber gown that can be broken down organically into the soil.
57:21 – In corporate slaughter news, Subway is testing an upscale café concept known as Subway Café. Originally launched in Alexandria, Va., by a franchisee, the test now has about 15 locations with plans to add about 10 more by year’s end. The cafes are designed to give off a more comfy feel with brick or wood-paneled walls and even the occasional fireplace.
7:27 – Stuffed animals, teen magazines and children’s underwear were found in a LA-area motel that was home to dozens of convicted child molesters and registered sex offenders. Eight people were taken into custody in the Friday raid for alleged parole violations, including possession of child pornography and/or narcotics. Most of those arrested were middle-aged men, whose previous offenses included lewd and lascivious conduct with children or other sex crimes, said Det. Patricia Batts of the LAPD. The Harbor Inn on the 700 block of Flint Ave. is a hub for sex offenders because it has a history of being a state-funded weigh station for newly released prisoners.
9:37 – An elementary school teacher was charged with filming child porn videos, but he was digitally modifying the porn so it showed former students of his.
12:51 – Britney Spears released the video for her new single, “I Wanna Go.” In it she stands upon a yellow taxi and fights off cyborg zombie popparazzi. She’s standing in front of a movie theater, and the marquee reads “CROSSROADS 2: CROSS HARDER.” Seth doesn’t believe he got the memo on that filming schedule.
28:16 – July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month – the 10th anniversary. It’s founded by Jacqueline Whitmore, an etiquette expert.
49:15 – According to Lifehacker.com, the best day to hit the supermarket is Wednesday. Hump days are the days that supermarkets tend to reduce prices in the middle of the week on items that are expiring soon. It’s found to be true at stores located in Arizona, California, Colorado and other western stores. Mygrocerydeals.com supports this conclusion, saying Wednesday is a hot day to buy groceries. The site also recommends shopping in the evening or a couple hours prior to closing when perishables are typically reduced for a quick sale.
56:25 – Bloomberg Business Week reports a story about a big rig going down the road. The driver pulls over to take a shower and some dudes jack the big rig, which contains $10 million in pharmaceuticals.
3:24 – The Anointed Men for Christ are presenting Madea’s Big Happy Family: Mime Edition at 6 p.m. on July 30 at the Municipal Auditorium in Shreveport, La. Tickets are only $12.
18:06 – Austin Hatch is a 16-year-old star basketball player in Indiana. He was a passenger with his stepmom Kim in a single-engine plane being flown by his father, Dr. Stephen Hatch. They were flying to the family summer home on Walloon Lake in Michigan, when the plane crashed, killing the father and his stepmother. Austin is in critical condition. In 2003, when he was 8 years old, he was on a plane piloted by his dad that was coming back from a stay at the family home that also crashed – killing his mom, Julie (38), his sister Lindsay (11) and his 5-year-old brother, Ian.
24:31 – Web suffixes like .com and .edu may be less common in the next few years. On June 20, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers, also known as ICANN, will relax the standards by which websites may be named. As of next July, top-level domain suffixes will no longer be confined to 22 3-letter options, but will be able to stretch up to 63 characters long. It will cost $185,000 to apply for a new suffix, leading critics to accuse ICANN of corporatizing the future of the internet. Companies including Canon have already announced they will apply for custom suffixes.
38:17 – The TSA plans to reduce children’s pat-downs. Changing a controversy policy, the TSA plans to perform fewer patdowns at security checkpoints, TSA head John S. Pistole said. The shift was part of an ongoing effort to get smarter about security. The decision will ultimately reduce, though not eliminate, patdowns of children.
51:31 – July is National Anti-Boredom Month. This started in 1984 by the New Jersey-based Boring Institute.
55:02 – Time magazine has a picture of a bug in it this week – an ash borer. It is a bug insect from China. Since it was found in the U.S. in 2002 it has killed around 60 million trees in 15 different states. Cities will spend more than $10 billion over the next decade trying to stop it. They call it “the bug that’s eating America.”
19:25 – Adam Sandler’s new movie is called Jack and Jill. Jack and his sister Jill are both played by Adam Sandler. The movie plays into Seth’s love of movies with men in drag.
22:56 – A Michigan jail inmate says he’s being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment because he’s not allowed pornography. In a hand-written lawsuit, 21-year-old Kyle Richards claims his civil rights are being violated at Macomb County Jail. In the complaint, Richards claims that being denied access to pornographic material has subjected him to a "poor standard of living" and "sexual and sensory deprivation.” The Michigan Department of Corrections states that some prisons allow approved pornographic material. However, it is not allowed at the jail. Richards was originally booked into the Macomb County Jail on charges of bank robbery after officers followed a trail of money and footprints in the snow from the scene of the robbery straight to his apartment in January. He pleaded guilty to the charge, and is now scheduled to be sentenced on August 2nd.
28:32 – LA is home to AdultCon, an adult entertainment convention. It took over Erotica LA as the biggest adult entertainment show held at the LA Convention Center. AdultCon’s next show is set for July 29-31 and the LA Convention Center had a show in May called Everything To Do With Sex, and have also booked a show Aug. 26-28 called Exxxotica.
33:41 – July is National Unlucky Month for weddings
42:03 – DVRs, cable boxes and satellite TV boxes are apparently energy hogs. According to a report by the National Resource Defense Council, these devices eat up half as much power as a brand-new full-sized refrigerator and more than most modern televisions. Some modern European cable boxes and DVRs have better power-saving features like an actual standby mode but most American boxes are in the same boat. The nicer the box, the more the power consumption – HD boxes, etc.
44:56 – The Belly Button Biodiversity Project recently began taking DNA samples from people’s navels to find out what kind of bacteria is living within. Of the roughly 1,400 bacteria strains discovered thus far, at least 662 of them are completely unknown. Jah says he always thinks about the crabs living in our eyebrows.
54:35 – Meet the newest crop of farm vehicles: Porsche Carrera, Mercedes SL-550, BMW Z4. One wouldn’t expect to see such high-performance roadsters pulling tillers, hauling fertilizer or spraying pesticide between cornrows, but if you believe their owners, these expensive vehicles are working alongside the John Deeres and Caterpillars of the world. It turns out that some drivers of these cars are perpetrating insurance fraud, claiming them as farm equipment to harvest hefty discounts on insurance premiums. At least that’s the assessment of Quality Planning, a San Francisco company that verifies policyholder data for insurance companies. Auto insurers offer huge farm use discounts for people who use their vehicles exclusively on a farm where the chances of a collision or theft or something befalling the auto are much lower than other urban areas. Quality Planning looked at 80,000 vehicles for which a farm use insurance discount was claimed last year and used geocoding to determine whether the address where the cars were housed was an urban or rural area and whether anyone was actively engaged in farming. About 8%, or almost 7,000 vehicles, were housed in zip codes where less than 1% of the population engaged in any agriculture. Among the vehicles it found very easily was an Audi A4, classified as a farm vehicle in Brooklyn. A Cadillac Seville in LA was also listed as a farm vehicle. “Honest people end up subsidizing the insurance premiums of dishonest people,” says the general vice president of Quality Planning.
5:30 – July is National Blueberry Month, as well as Cell Phone Courtesy Month, Anti-Boredom Month and Lucky Wedding Month. Seth wishes he knew this earlier because he loves blueberries.
15:51 – Seth remembers Mr. Sherwood Schwartz, who created The Brady Bunch. He passed away this week. Seth remembers a particular episode that aired in February of 1973 called “Bobby’s Hero.” The episode description: “When the family learns that Bobby’s hero is Jesse James, Mike and Carol set out to teach him the truth about the outlaw. When books and heavily-edited television movies suggested to Bobby that he wasn’t a villain, Mike tracks down a relative of one of the James victims to share his story with Bobby. That, plus a vivid nightmare in which Jesse James kills the Bradys in a train robbery, finally gets through to Bobby.”
19:51 – The Washington State Supreme Court ruled that Mark Gilbert, who was on trial for kidnapping and raping boys and videotaping all of the encounters, due to the fact that he is acting as his own attorney, must have unlimited access to all of the videos while in jail. Being the defense attorney, Gilbert must be able to review all of the evidence of the case. He has the videos, hard drives, photos – around 28 hours in total of material of over 40 boys. Total access has to be granted or there will be a mistrial. He goes to a private room to “review” the evidence and he is also allowed to put victims on the stand and ask them questions.
24:15 – The California State Fair is open and will run through the remainder of July. They’re serving raccoon on a stick, deep-fried scorpions and the maggot melt – dried maggots and melted cheese on two slices of bread. This Friday the 22nd for free, you can catch a performance of Aja Vu – straight out of San Francisco, playing cover songs of Steely Dan.
53:56 – Delta Airlines, one of the nation’s largest pedophile carriers, can not promise not to lose your bags but it has launched an online service to allow you to track the movement of your bags at each stage of their journey from baggage check-in to airport arrival. You can even go online during your flight to see if your bag made it on your plane.
58:17 – The summer months are the perfect time for a vacation getaway. Unfortunately, they’re also the perfect time for a home invasion. According to the FBI, the summer monhths July and August have the highest rates of burglaries. The Better Business Bureau is advising homeowners who are looking to secure their property this summer to do their research when picking a home security system. According to an academic study of home and business security by Temple University, the Electronic Security Association says that homes without security systems are about 3 times more likely to be broken into than homes with them. Actual statistics range from about 2.2 times to 3.1 times more likely depending on the value of the home. Losses due to burglary average $400 less in residences with security systems than homes without alarm systems. Although no system makes your home completely burglar-proof, a home security system can reduce your chances of being burglarized and give you some peace of mind. In 2010, BBB received nearly 25,000 inquiries from customers asking about burglar alarm systems.
19:43 – Twitter launched in 2006 on July 15. There were 224 tweets the first day. There are 350 billion tweets per day now.
34:36 – Ashley Harlan is marrying Ben Roethlisberger. If you’re down with rape, that’s awesome.
44:09 – July is National Hot Dog and National Ice Cream Month.
52:36 – A judge ruled that a restaurant in Edison, N.J. called Mogul Express can be sued by a group of strictly vegetarian Hindus after the restaurant accidentally served them meat-filled samosas.
6:13 – August is National Eye Exam Month
17:27 – Kevin Keller was the first openly gay character in the Archie comics. He debuted in September of 2010. He has been so well-received, selling out in less than 2 weeks, that he will get his own monthly comic series s
