View Rants and Raves
7:35 – Seth goes off on how crappy the Super Bowl was.
11:45 – Seth on people who run up 89 flights of stairs in 2 minutes and swim in icy rivers: It’s life affirming! “Is it stupid or life affirming, because I’m sleeping in a warm bed.”
17:37 – Seth and Jah rip on old people trying to say hip things.
27:11 – Seth goes off on New York for having shitty shit launched, like knitting groups, hug groups and speed friends: “I don’t need friends, I don’t want friends, because I live in Hollywood! Do you take a cab to get a friend? How’s your cab ride New York? Um, Uptown please. How ’bout out of town, now!”
1:00:18 – Jonathan hammers Britney Spears and her live concert that he saw: “I get it, you’re not a little girl anymore. … If Madonna had gotten into a bus crash and was mentally retarded, this is what she would’ve been doing in the 80s. … Just to see these fruits do this sex dance sequence, it’s astonishing. It’s uncomfortable to watch them.”
14:35 – Jah hammers the new FX show “Black/White”: “It should be a multi-racial show called What’s It Like to be a Burn Victim? because that’s what you look like, assholes, when you do shitty shit like this.”
36:00 – Jah rips Alan Alda for his new autobiography, “Never Have Your Dog Stuffed.” Jah: “Wasn’t that the name of Buddy Hackett’s autobiography, you schmaltzy dickweed?”
55:19 – Jonathan goes off on Kanye West after Seth reads a Kanye quote about Gold Digger being one of the biggest songs of our lifetime and for saying that the word “gay” is the opposite of the words “hip hop” to Sway on MTV
13:10 – Seth laces into Brits for wearing wigs in the courtroom: “When are you going to stop wearing wigs Brits? And stop playing soccer, because it’s called football.”
21:26 – Jah goes off on Axe Body Spray for naming things after natural disasters.
34:00 – After Seth lists dozens of upset stomach medicines, S & J reem America: “Hey America, stop eating shitty shit!”
46:47 – J&S rip on M Knight Shamalyan. Jah: “The Navajo people should be ashamed to have you as their representative.”
51:53 – Seth goes off on the deaf woman who went to the Bon Jovi concert.
27:49 – Jah’s reaction to Miss Deaf Texas being struck by a train: “How do you not feel a fucking train coming dude?!!!” Seth: “Feel it, feel it, feel the train coming!”
57:44 – Jah and Seth make fun of a dude on Cops who gets busted in St. Louis: “Have you ever heard the phrase love is blind? Well you should try fear.”
24:20 – Jonathan goes off on Art Mann, who will be at the Adult Con 10, then hammers Mark Cuban for founding HDNet.
53:56 – Jah mocks Dr. Phil and tells him to stop poisoning the minds of Americans.
27:18 – Jah hammers Fergie for talking about female curvatures: “That’s gross dude, no, I won’t suck your lady lumps Fergie!”
38:56 – Jah blasts Florida school for telling kids they’ll know what it was like to be a European Jew in the 1930s because they can’t drink from the water fountain.
53:16 – Seth and Jah reem NY Sports Club for their “Action Hero Workout.”
41:39 – Jah and Seth go off on creepy killers and rapists for keeping shitty diaries.
57:15 – Seth and Jonathan jump to conclusions about the bogusly accused Duke lacrosse players. Jah: “First of all you play lacrosse. Huge problem.”
19:24 – Jah slams two kids at UVA who proclaim April 20 National High Five Day.
21:13 – Seth rips the nerds who celebrated April 5, 2006 at 1:23 a.m. because it was 01.02.03.04.05.06: “It’s numbers man, it’s numerology. Think about it. It’ll never happen in our lifetime, dude. 010203040506!”
14:23 – Jah going off on gay people who are trying to expose their adopted children to the gay lifestyle: “Yeah, but the gay lifestyle is all about dudes fucking dudes, a lot.”
37:37 – Jah blasts David Blaine for his latest stunt.
38:59 – Criss Angel, the Mindfreak gets equal lashing.
48:18 – Seth: “It’s very easy to get [Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby Moses] to sleep – you don’t gotta give him a babytini, you gotta put on that shitty fuckin’ music the husband makes. Good night!”
55:46 – Seth: “…And why do paralyzed people always try to walk? …. I’m paralyzed but I’m gonna walk! I’m gonna beat this. No you ain’t dude. Just smoke pot and watch movies. You can’t walk!” Seth also rams deaf people for going to concerts and “feeling the vibes” and blind people for going to movies.
59:34 – Seth goes off on Webster’s for allowing “jimmy hat” into the dictionary.
11:37 – Seth rails Taco Bell for their “Fourthmeal” campaign. Jah: “All a guy needs to be happy is shelter, clothes, and four square meals a day. Isn’t that the old adage?”
19:23 – Jah and Seth rip Charlie Sheen for smoking crack and boning down on prostitutes, then leaving a message on his wife’s answering machine where he calls her a “nigger.”
50:05 – Seth going off on people griping about price of gas and stamps.
53:20 – Seth rips into Burning Man fruits, namely the one at work who asks him if he’s going: “I don’t know, are you dude? You’re like 58. Are you going to Burning Man?!”
32:08 – Jah hammers David Blaine for his “Drowned Alive” stunt where he will try to break the record of holding his breath for 8 minutes, 58 seconds.
39:19 – Seth rips the rep from GM who, in 1986, predicted whack things about the future.
4:52 – Seth makes fun of Ray Romano’s whack stand-up.
10:34 – Jah hates Dulé Hill from The West Wing.
55:46 – Jah and Seth hammer Inside the Actors Studio for having Tim Allen as a guest.
4:40 – Jah slams Anderson Cooper for being on the cover of Vanity Fair while tearing up.
15:26 – Seth slams the Nebraska judge who has mercy on a peed for only being 5-foot-1.
23:17 – Jah talking about going to Starbucks and encountering trainees who call it EXpresso: “I don’t want an estra shot of expresso; I would like an extra shot of espresso.”
31:45 – Seth goes off on Al Gore and his new doc, An Inconvenient Truth.
13:29 – Some jerkoff creates his own disorder and gives it the acronym IED – not an improvised explosive device, but intermittent explosive disorder (the scientific term for road rage) Seth: “You couldn’t have named it like Complete Douchebag Syndrome? Yeah I’ve got CDS. Since when is being a douchebag a disorder?!”
24:17 and 28:42 – Seth going off on Omni Magazine’s whack predictions.
25:06 and 28:58 – Seth going off on sci-fi fruits, robot guy from Dateline and all futuristic science nerds … “… You’ll be lucky if the robots treat you as a pet. The luckiest humans at least will be in a zoo for the robots. Shut up! Shut up with your X-men and your Bumbalore and your shit!! Let me tell you about the world – it’s exactly as you fucking see it!!! There’s no robots or spaceships or aliens or other fucking planets!! There’s this planet and you’re gonna die here and nothing else is gonna happen!! ('Hey man, Battlestar Gallactica’s the best show on TV!’ Is it? The Sopranos is, you dumbass!!” (- 31:14)
18:21 – Seth slams Britney Spears.
38:34 – Jah rams people for coming up with disorders that already mean something else. “Don’t call something sad S.A.D.!”
48:51 – Seth going off on jugglers: “Unless you literally juggle your own balls, I don’t want to see you juggling.”
51:26 – Seth blasts Rappin’ Granny: “Hey bitch, you ever heard of Gucci Mane? He killed your grandson and he’s in jail in Decatur, Georgia.”
11:30 – J & S going off on David Beckham.
14:38 – Seth blasts New York for cabbing, walking and taking the subway.
34:15 – Jonathan reading all the names of hunting shows and growing increasingly more pissed off until he starts dropping crazy F-bombs: “… fuckfaces hunting, redneck asshole, die in a pool of your own fucking cum asshole step outside shoot ‘em with a gun arrow bullet fuckface white fuck america fuck fat fuck fuck fuck rape your kids your kids are retarded they have Down’s syndrome because you’re all inbred fuck fuck kill ’em fuck. … on America’s hunting network.”
37:39 – Jah: “Where’s Hunting With Ted Shitfuck?!!”
52:31 – Jonathan on the guy at the bank with a Myspace mesh hat: “… How’s your ebay socks you fucking shithead?! How’s your myspace hat you shitwad!?”
44:54 – Seth on super fruits working at the American Girl store: “ ‘Hey, how can we help you?’ You can help me by showing me the exit. I’m going to have a full panic attack.”
57:52 – Jonathan and Seth going off on Clerks fans on Myspace. Seth: “Will you stop wearing denim shorts and hockey jerseys, you douchebag?”
13:09 – Seth goes off on Shark Week: “Dog you ready for Shark Week? No, I’m totally not ready to watch shitty shows about sharks.”
15:36 – Seth hammers Mr. T for having his own reality show: “Fuck you Mr. T, sir.”
43:40 – Seth going off on dudes who use the term MILF.
57:17 – J & S go off on guy refuting the pay by touch: "I prefer my plastic; we’re all going to have a bar code on our neck in like 10 years.”
14:21 and 16:53 – Seth goes off on Neil Young and hippies: “No one’s getting impeached! Stop talking! … The 60s were like 50 years ago. Stop talking about the fucking 60s. You know why we didn’t lose any listeners? Because no one listening is 80 talking about the 60s. Woodstock man, smoke grass and peace and love. Peace and love sucks dude, you hippies. Put on Birkenstocks and get dirty. Get organic farming. Just do it for the people, empower people. Stop empowering people!”
2:48 – Jah starts to go off on UYD listeners, but holds back and encourages people to get a friend to subscribe to the show.
21:11 – Seth: “Florida – stop pissing on your mail!!” … “Hey Florida – stop pissing on your burns!” (22:55)
25:20 – Seth and Jonathan go off on Gene Simmons for stealing TV show ideas and flashing his long tongue to everyone.
28:01 – Seth goes off on Dakota Fanning for being a voting member of the MPAA: “Bitch you are 10 years old! … Call me old-fashioned but I like my Academy voters to bleed once a month.”
34:47 – Jah and Seth reem Mel Gibson for his ethnic slurs.
19:12 – Seth and Jah hammer Bruce “Bruno” Willis for having a personal scrapbooker and referring to himself as “Bruno” when he blows harp.
20:34 – Seth makes fun of Farmers Market in Santa Monica for having valet parking for bicycles on Sundays.
13:29 and 17:33 – Seth goes off on GLAAD for being angry about not enough LGBTs on TV.
15:06 – Jah rips on myFox for ripping off the Myspace logo.
53:32 – Jah blasts Jesus freaks.
55:33 – Seth to old people mistaking gas pedal for brake: “STOP IT!!!! Stop doing that! It’s so stupid to do that! I don’t grab my ass when I piss, I don’t wipe my dick when I shit, stop mistaking these huge distinct pedals for shit!”
1:00:36 – Seth and Jah rail on their imaginary skinterns.
21:36 – Seth hammers Flat Daddy.
32:52 – Seth blasts everybody that didn’t have the internet.
51:46 – Seth goes off on creepy sects and Warren Jeffs.
26:55 – Seth goes off on kids eating rocks w/ Spongebob stickers instead of fruit.
46:12 – Seth going off on people who use the terms “jimmy hats,” “playing for the other team” and “MILFs.”
47:59 – Jonathan going off on Myspace dorks who use gifs of Jon Heder dancing in last sequence of Napoleon Dynamite, etc. Seth: “Oh you like The Simpsons? Me too! You read Catcher In The Rye? I read Catcher In The Rye! Hey everyone on Myspace, stop it. Let’s all get off Myspace, collectively, undeniably and totally.” (50:16)
22:30 – Seth and Jah hammer Deal or No Deal.
40:00 – Seth blasts guy at the LA Zoo with cell phone trying to take picture of jaguar’s nuts: “Why are you wearing a tank top and denim shorts right now dude. Hey, this is by Hoby tank top and my Asics Tigers. Sit still nuts. …”
45:14 – Seth and Jah rip on Red Bar Radio for just plain sucking.
1:00:17 – Seth blasts Starbucks for raising prices again.
0:26 – Diet Pepsi Jazz rips off Jonathan and Seth’s scat jazz tune from Episode 028 at 41:48.
6:39 – Jonathan going off on people talking about YouTube like it’s a new revolution – magazine stand at Laurel and Ventura.
10:15 – Jonathan going off on stupid woman at cash register .
34:41 – Seth and Jonathan going off on stupid bumper sticker people (Seth: “I don’t play by the rules man. I’m countercultural! What are you dude? You hippie fruits. Take those Crocs off before I kill you with a 103-inch Panasonic television. Bam!”).
42:08 – Seth rips himself for saying Law & Order: SUV.
42:44 – Seth going off on stupid people in movie theaters, etc.
7:47 – Seth going off on guy with buttplug and clamping metal things on his balls: “You’re supposed to get a malted with two straws and then after a month you maybe make out in the park. Dude, CALM DOWN!” … Dudes sending balls: “Brad Pitt could be sending his balls and that would be gross! You’re NOT Brad Pitt and you’re sending your balls. Where’s your brain at?! These guys are so fucked up! Hey man, I’m 400 fucking pounds and balding. This is my combover but these are my crazy nuts. And they got clamps on them. And I got a buttplug in. And there’s watermelon all over my body!” (9:16)
7:13 – Seth goes off on people who still do layaway at stores: “I have 15 credit cards. You can’t get one?”
9:12 – Seth goes off on Jerry Seinfeld’s whack comedy … What’s up with *69? (10:29) “What’s up with *69?? Really? Hey guy – stop talking. … A 10-year-old looked at an 11-year-old and mouthed, Star 69?” (11:47)
16:03 – Jonathan going off on guys talking about the Jerky Boys: “Am I dead? Because last time I checked it’s 2006, we’re sitting in a Mexican restaurant and you just talked about Goodfellas, Howard Stern and the Jerky Boys!”
21:31 – Seth going off on people who dress up in Star Wars and Matrix costumes for Halloween: “Hey, what’s up? Hey Neo. Where’s Morpheus? … If I saw a motherfucker in a trenchcoat, I would throttle him. Unless you’re Trenchcoat Mafia, unless you’re going to go Dylan and Eric on me, you best not show up wearing trenchcoats.” (22:49) Seth: “That’s my call to arms for all UYD listeners. Feel free to beat the shit out of anyone that has a super whack costume. Don’t let it slide.” (24:24)
21:04 – Jah going off on people who can just buy five tigers: “That should be really fucking hard to do!”
22:01 – Seth reacts to people who believe the look-alikes who are impersonating Paris Hilton and Robin Williams (20-20 tries to show what it’s like to be privileged in America): “I sent you a letter in the late ’70s about Morkin’ Mindy. Did you ever receive that? Bitch, you are fucking banana cakes!”
3:39 and 6:42 – Seth and Jonathan go off on David Blaine’s gyroscope trick. Jah: “Are you a magician? Are you going to show me a card and then put it in a deck and pull it out later on? Are you going to pull something out of my ear?”
5:19 – Jonathan goes off on the “Mindfreak” Criss Angel and Paris Hilton.
43:38 – Jah goes off on people buying PS3s for their snotnose twerp kids to look like the best parents, even though there’s no games for it yet: “Dude, they’re gonna be 300 bucks in like three weeks. Could you tell your fucking retard kid to just chill out for a second, have a fucking Fuelosophy, sit the fuck down, wait for New Year’s and I’ll get you one in mid-January in 07. … Stop fucking stabbing people so your stupid fucking kid can just tell his other friends who can’t have one that he has one! There’s no games for it dude!!! There’s nothing on the fucking system yet!!!”
13:48 – Both rip on Michael Richards for being a crazy racist.
15:14 – Seth making fun of Ray Romano’s stand-up.
33:06 – Minneapolis, MN – 9 Muslims drop down for evening prayers and people freak out; Seth rips on them: “What man? Why you discriminating against us? Hey Muslims, cut the shit man! Hey you whites are discriminatory! Are we, Muslims? Pray in the bathroom quietly! You’re being racist and judgmental! Am I being judgmental dog? What are you praying to man? There’s a football game on! Stop it!”
39:01 – Seth going off on Neal Patrick Harris.
56:45 – Jah laces into the internet for letting every 19-year-old dickhead with iMovie make shitty animation movies that he has to filter through before he finds anything worth a shit.
58:28 – Seth: “Hey Jack Black, do you look like more of an asshole in your Holiday movie poster or in your Pick of Destiny movie poster? You ain’t that good to look at… stay out of movies with Jude Law.”
9:40 – Seth: “Hey Britain’s top music mag Q, are you OK?!”
24:01 – Both rail on The Blackeyed Peas.
3:42 – If Jah sees another segment on dudes going to fish markets and learning how to catch fish, he’s going to snap.
1:57 – Seth rips Jack Kevorkian for his crazy paintings: “No I’m doing it for these people. Um, your paintings are crazy!”
38:54 – Seth rips the country for having people on meth jamming candy canes in butts.
56:41 – Jah gets pissed at the people who are bundled in up in preposterous winter outfits, and he wants to “mow these motherfuckers down.”
35:05 – Seth hammers Akon for his whack lyrics: “ Get in my Lamborghini Gilardo / Let’s go back to my house and kick it like Tai-bo. Really?!”
39:28 – Jah starts to hammer on CVS for the low-rent operation they’re running and the crack baby outpatients working there.
10:48 – Seth going off on America for liking Ray Romano, Nickelback, etc. “I’m totally down with Meshach Taylor from Designing Women, I think he’s pretty hot. Hey people watching the People’s Choice Awards – stop listening to Nickelback and stop watching fucking Everybody Loves Raymond reruns! And why House?! Yo, I like House. You mean Hugh Laurie? No, House. I like Jack Bauer.”
28:52 – Seth going off on Bindi Irwin: “Your dad was a lunatic. You’re lucky to be alive. I’ve seen videotape of you in a crocodile’s mouth, bitch. I saw some tape of your father throwing you around like a monkey. My dad was special. No he wasn’t. You’re lucky he’s dead or you’d be dead, because that dude was fuckin’ crazy.”
7:22 – Seth reems extravagant text message/AIM lingo, like LQ2M (Laughing quietly to myself), FOAG (Fuck off and Google), KMIA (Kiss my Italian ass), YKYARW (You know you’re a redneck when…), NE14KFC? (Seth: “Really?!”), NE14MCD? (Anyone for Mickey D’s), AWGTHTGTTA (Are we going to have to go through this again?), and BOBFOC. Seth: “Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch? What the fuck does this mean?!”
38:45 – Seth and Jonathan rip the blind people.
44:16 – S & J hammer Carson Daly, who’s celebrating his 5 years on the air.
27:38 and 42:40 – Jonathan going off on comments made on Little Man movie podcast website.
37:34 and 47:15 – Seth reems Jeff Foxworthy and Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
44:43 – Seth rips on Jaden Smith for his performance at the Oscars.
27:37 – Seth mocking a predator that wanted to be beaten up by the kid: “That sounds like the worst afternoon ever! I want you to pin me and give me a feeling of complete claustrophobia where I cannot get up, and then when there’s nothing else I can do I want you to punch me repeatedly and then piss and shit on me. It sounds like a shitty day! He wants that!”
45:49 – Jonathan going off on The Pussycat Dolls.
41:52 – Jah goes off on the Whole Foods employee: “Fif-teen minutes! It’s an express lane, you crazy fucking bitch!! … They’re not used to you having $1,800 in your account you fucking asshole? I dropped $1,800 from my GTI and didn’t turn around to pick it up. I stuck it in the paper-only bin. I made it rain in their recycling bin, bitch!! You don’t have any money, that’s why you’re trying to get 40% off your PowerBars bitch!!”
26:34 – Jah is down for you being whatever you are, but don’t be the cheesiest dickweed and do it and then tell him he’s calling you out on being whack.
29:51 – Jonathan goes off on people who are paranoid about having ATM cards and “marks of the beast,” then says what the real indications of the end of the world is: 12-year-old chicks on YouTube humping their dressers: “All they do is videotape their fucking asses humping a fucking dresser. That doesn’t concern you?!”
53:12 – Jonathan blasting fat mom and her kid at the convenience store.
43:11 – Seth rips on Larry King for his whack interviews and movie reviews.
30:27 – Seth & Jonathan go off on Nic Cage.
31:37 – Jonathan hammers Adam Brody for making out with girl half his age in In the Land of Women.
11:45 – Seth hammers CVS dudes who ruined his photos: “It’s a photograph! Isn’t by nature it important that you’ve decided to duplicate life. It’s just two months of me driving around my city and just snapping life – done. … I’ll just get those back. I’ll get the man assless from behind with a Jesus sign – I’ll get that back, don’t worry.” Jah agrees that it all ends with CVS.
14:35 – Seth goes off on people who use bathrooms at the supermarket and check their blood pressure at the supermarket.
34:47 and 37:30 – Seth: “Everybody just get in the missionary position and quit being fucking sick! … Can’t we just go to church like normal people?”
39:10 – Seth is furious at Bernard McGuirk for the statement he said on Nov. 2, 2005, when he said about Antonin Scalia: “…that meatball-sucking wop. First Scalia, now Aleto. What’s President Bush doing? Interpreting the constitution or making concrete?”
52:03 – Jonathan lashes back at people who accuse him of smoking herb on the show.
51:33 – Seth rips Charlie Sheen for wearing weird shirts in Two and a Half Men.
12:48 – Jah and Seth hammer JeffBridges.com and the monsterweb.
16:17 – Seth rips the guard on the Sony lot for saying "When you get to the Spiderman, hang a left.” Seth: “Hey dude, there are 7,000 pictures of Spiderman on this lot. He’s on the ground, he’s in the trees, he’s hologrammed on walls.”
19:33 – S & J go off on guy who sat next to Jonathan clipping toenails at Dodger game.
50:01 – Seth hammers Dr. Kevorkian for his crazy paintings: “It’s art. Is it?!! I like flowers and moons! I like wildflowers and ocean scenes. Call me crazy, but why does that dog have his cock in that dude’s armpit, and why is that armpit in a bomb, and why is that bomb in a church?” Then Seth rips on John Wayne Gacy.
58:24 – Jah hammers porn actress Barbie Cummings for randomly blowing some gross black dude wearing dirty Dickies and a JC Penney shirt in an ’87 Mustang in a parking lot.
19:24 – Seth going off on Jon Lovitz’s lifetime residency to the Laugh Factory: “You got him? How’d you nab him? He’s so busy and all with his characters that he does… from his specials.”
22:10 – Jah asks if Kevin Nealon would please stop doing his bit on being a porn reviewer because it’s wicked played out.
4:27 – Seth: “Hey Pinkberry, have a longer line at a street fair.”
26:54 – S & J rip on Criss Angel and Criss Angel lovers.
30:10 – Jah reads and rips an interview from Bruce “Bruno” Willis.
53:16 – More hammering on Bruno. Jah: “Bruno, do they know that when you say you used to smoke weed you used to eat mountains of cocaine in your butt?”
58:34 – Still more railing on Bruno.
43:44 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Gary Milby and his daughter Ariel. Seth: “Hey Gary Milby, your daughter’s Ariel Milby and that sucks.” Jah: “That’s a shitty name!”
51:31 – Seth blasts Paul McCartney.
53:38 – Jonathan and Seth use strong verbage to describe Avril Lavigne music: “It’s like an abortion inside your mind … It’s a back alley, late term, 1950s coat hanger abortion.”
57:02 – More rippage on Carson Daly and teens who attend his show.
23:26 – Seth hammers Seroquel.
36:15 – More pounding on Bruno Willis.
33:11 – Jonathan blasts Nickelback and its followers.
52:57 – Seth ramrods Robin Williams and his black guy character.
56:09 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Paul McCartney, and then Ringo Starr for his shitty solo works.
1:00:23 – Seth rips Danny Devito for not even making it to home plate when he threw out the first pitch at the Phillies game.
33:38 – Seth and Jonathan slam the Eric Bana/Drew Barrymore film Lucky You.
51:59 – Jonathan goes on an eight-minute tirade about YouTube and how it sends him to a dark place where he is an “alien,” then hammers other podcasts: “Yeah, I do a podcast. Do you? It sucks. Fuck off, you fuck. Stop fucking poisoning my water, you shitbirds!”
21:54 – Jonathan blasts other podcasts, then gives a top 10 list of “How You Know If You’re a Podcasting Faggot.”
59:07 – Jah goes back to the “other podcasts” topic: “It’s poisonous shit. It’s so not conducive for anything. … It’s just fucking more bullshit garbage and it shouldn’t be tolerated.”
18:24 – Jah hammers Deion Sanders for comparing dogfighting to ultimate fighting.
49:55 – Seth & Jonathan rip on Corey Feldman.
23:26 – Jah and Seth blast Cuba Gooding Jr. for his decline as an actor.
24:44 – Seth revisits the stupidity of kids.
42:39 – Seth on the people who want to beat up pussy. “I treat that shit like it’s the original Declaration of Independence, like the Gutenberg Bible. These motherfuckers take a chainsaw to it, they’re watching fucking Hostel, they don’t think twice about it. Anybody wanna get nasty? I’m gonna beat that pussy up! Hey dog, maybe that’s why you’re on Craigs List trying to get laid, because you’re beating pussies up left and right. Why don’t you try taking one and giving her a malted with two straws, waiting an hour before you’re punching it!”
58:08 – Seth on Craig’s List weirdos: Daddy looking for his daughter … “Hey dude! Go to church and meet somebody and raise a family. Don’t fuck your ‘daughter’ online. … I gotta be nasty with it! That’s what they like! Watch a little porn dog? Why don’t you quit watching porn and rent Finding Fucking Nemo and go to church like a normal person! We need more Pixar and less bukkake!”
8:02 – White dudes scare the shit out of Seth because they’re loner, fucking lunatics.
32:35 – Seth goes off on hippies for making homemade saline for people to put in their eyes on contact lenses.
19:35 – Seth’s reaction to Owen attempting suicide: “If I saw my fucking lady rolling around with Dax Shepard, I’d fucking kill myself too. It’s like Jennifer Aniston leaving Vince Vaughn for Dane Cook. Give me a rope because this is disgusting.”
49:21 – Seth rips his mom for only giving him 50 cents per tooth when he lost one.
55:27 – Seth and Jonathan hammer Kenny Chesney.
26:23 – Seth watching GMA, gets pissed that they’re reporting on old news that he has already covered on UYD: "They’re called freegans.” … “It’s called popcorn lung.” Seth: “Hey GMA you done fell off.”
34:37 and 44:44 – Jonathan reems Whoopi Goldberg for defending Vick on first day of The View: “It’s in their culture down there? It’s like saying incest is part of their culture!”
43:18 – Jah tells people they can stop intentionally making fun of 50 Cent’s name like they’re so out of it. Quit calling him half dollar and 25 Cent, please. Thanks.
50:26 – Seth goes off on Parade magazine for predicting that John Travolta would win as Best Actor for his portrayal of Edna Turnblad in Hairspray: “What the fuck are you talking about?!!! Well, I’d probably have to go with Johnny Travolta in Hairspray. You get it!”
51:36 – Seth rips dudes who point at another dude and go, “Ahhh, this guy!”
2:18 – Just a week after Jah told people to stop spoofing 50 Cent’s name, Al Michaels does exactly that on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
4:33 – Seth and Jah reem Daniel Radcliffe, a.k.a. Harry Potter, for being wicked small. Seth, who is 5-8, doesn’t believe Radcliffe is 5-8.
6:36 – Seth blasts Kenny Chesney on GMA in the rain with a tank top: “Dude, why are your teeny tiny Lees so tight?!!”
12:20 – Jah rips Jeff Foxworthy for his new beef jerky product. Seth says his impression of a Southern accent is saying the phrase, then starts to change the last word by going herda-herda-herda-hee.
35:07 – Seth goes off on the incredible amount of court shows on syndicated TV: Judge Maria Lopez, Judge Joe Brown, Judge David Young, Judge Mathis, Judge Alex, Judge Hatchett, Judge Judy, Jury Duty with Bruce Cutler, Divorce Court, People’s Court, Christina’s Court. “What the fuck man?!! That’s a lot of court shows!!”
39:17 – Seth pleads for America to stop eating: “You can’t eat a cheesy beefy fuck and then polish it off with a dippin’ strips with marinara and then finish that off with your fuckin’ crazy Oreo beard! That’s a crazy meal!!”
14:28 – Jah and Seth rip on Jeremy Piven for his crazy quote about demons and shadows.
15:05 – Seth rips on Sean Penn for comparing the character from Into the Wild with himself because he “grew up surfing.” Seth: “Dude, this kid starved to death in a bus in the Alaskan wildness!!”
49:01 – Seth lashes back at UYD listener Crow: “Aren’t you dead? I thought they were blanks.” Jah: “That’s The Crow. This is Crow.” Seth: “Oh. My bad.”
16:30 – National Federation of the Blind filed lawsuit against Target because it’s inaccessible to the blind. Seth: “Do you know why it’s inaccessible to the blind? Because they’re blind, and so shit like that’s inaccessible. You’d think there’s a shitload of shit that’s inaccessible.”
28:57 – Seth brings up the school shooting incidents this week and they show the Cleveland kid being influenced by Marilyn Manson: “Are they still blaming this dude for shit? This guy hasn’t had a song in like 15 years. What are they talking about?! Could I kill someone and they’d say I listen to Elvis and his swiveling hips sent me into a sexual frenzy?! … Marilyn who? … I vaguely remember listening to him in the ’90s. … What’s the cutoff for that?!”
32:00 – Seth hammers the news for reporting on a murder story where they kept saying the kids were having a “pizza party.” Seth: “First of all if you were having a pizza party you should be killed.”
2:12 – Jonathan slams Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters for continually writing songs that talk about overcoming obstacles and persevering, while having everything going perfect for them in real life.
33:24 – Jonathan stops Seth when he says that Drew Carey seems like a nice guy. Jah: “He’s never struck me once as a nice guy. He’s struck me as nothing but a prick who hangs out at the Playboy Mansion all the time and is like a snide, fat fuck shitty fucking comedian who’s sickly rich and fucks playmates and is gross.” Seth: “But he was like a Marine or something, wasn’t he?” Jah: “I don’t give a fuck, he’s an asshole!” Seth: “But isn’t he a people person? He’s from Cleveland.” Jah: “Just because he looks like shitheads in middle America doesn’t make him a people person. Drew Carey’s a dick! Fuck Foo Fighters! Fuck Drew Carey!”
57:01 – Seth rips Shawn Edwards, WDAF TV – Kansas City, for his horrendous movie reviews.
9:04 – Seth rips West Virginia for smoking while pregnant and having bad teeth.
33:43 – Seth goes off on the “in-between meal” that he saw advertised.
35:03 – Seth rips Philadelphia for being the least attractive, stylish and friendly people according to Travel & Leisure: “Hey MotownPhilly, you back again? Because you’re ugly, you dress shitty and you’re super cruel.”
47:01 – If Seth hears one more thing about New York pizza vs. Chicago pizza he’ll go bananas: “I got an idea – no one eats pizza anymore! The last time I had pizza was at a sleepover at somebody’s birthday party in the seventh grade.”
48:46 – Seth goes off on Arkansas for their typographical error in a law that allows anyone under the age of 18 to get married with parental consent: “Hey Arkansas, you’re a crazy fucking state with married babies! Stop it!”
51:11 and 54:53 – Seth going off on Rudy Giuliani rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series: “Why don’t you go jerk off 9-11 with your priest buddy? (Choking noise) Gobble on the 11. (Choking noise) Dual gobbling 11s while you stick a 9 up one of your wife’s butts, like, 9-11! (Choking noise)
58:36 – Seth tells people to stop wearing costumes because Halloween is for the kids.
5:40 – Jah sees two women at a Whole Foods, one with a George Washington wig and the other physically jacked up … then sees 54-year-old woman in a Lexus with cat ears and little dots: “Oh, are you a cat? At the point you even decide to dress up, what compels you to go as a cat? Your cat costume sucks.”
18:57 – Seth’s reaction to morgue security guard in Teaneck, N.J., catching a lab worker boning down with a 92-year-old female corpse: “Of all the things in the world that give you a boner, how does a dead 92-year-old corpse give you a boner? What is the makeup of that? Where is the synapses and the brain function and the things and the stuff? What is that?”
33:51 – Seth hammers colleges and students for the ridiculous courses they offer: “Go to school you fuckin’ hippies! What happened to doctors? There’s literally not a person in med school right now! There is not going to be a doctor in this country in 20 years, but there will be very well-versed Deadhead Red Sox fans.”
22:56 – Jah and Seth blast Seinfeld for his “Bee Movie.” Seth: “I saw it 10 years ago and it was called Ants, dick.”
25:18 – J & S hammer OJ for his most recent quote: “As always, I rely on the jury system.”
32:59 – Jah rips on carnies, then admits he had a friend who was a carny.
57:22 – Jah rips Anthony Kiedis and the RHCP for ripping off a Tom Petty song and getting sued for that, then suing a show for being called “Californication.”
20:29 – Seth and Jonathan ravage Ben Affleck for his barbed-wire tat and his crazy-looking face.
16:54 – Seth: “Stop making Mac commercials!”
24:06 – Jah goes off on people who have Easy buttons sitting on their desks.
26:22 – Jah blown away by the crazy college studies.
45:12 – Seth on pilots experiencing spatial disorientation: “Hey asshole, do me a wicked huge solid – get your ass off the fucking wing of the plane, put your ass back in your body and fucking land this shit at LAX because I’m losing my mind right now.”
59:03 – Jah goes off on the match.com for weedheads: “Could you make weed smoking sound less awesome? Because it sounds creepy and fucking terrible the way everyone’s talking about it!”
5:04 – Jah and Seth rip David Blaine again for his new stunt – staying awake for 12 straight days.
9:40 – Seth’s reaction to former CHiPs star Erik Estrada wanting to go to his grave in a police uniform and badge: “Sir, you were on a television show about 25 years ago. You’re not a police officer, sir. I’m going to pull you over and write you a ticket for being a crazy fucking lunatic.”
14:00 – Seth and Jah rip on Andy Rooney for his crazy diatribes.
19:00 – Seth hammers Snoop Dogg for his show Fatherhood and for his whack rap that goes along with it: “Don’t you have a soccer game to pick your family up in in a Dodge Caravan? I got some iron that will straighten yo’ ass out!”
52:15 – Seth and Jah slam the dude in Cheboygan who tries to bone down with his biological daughter: “Hey dude, you are the craziest of all time of Uhh Yeah Dude. You win.”
37:43 – Jah reems Joe Simpson and accuses him of at least fingering daughters Jessica and Ashley.
32:03 – Jah is pissed that every time he walks in a Starbucks he’s directly behind somebody who’s never been in one before. “So, what’s the deal here? What do you mean what’s the deal? The deal is I’ve got somebody waiting in the car for me, you fucking idiot!”
16:38 – Seth hammers Pizza Hut for coming up with a “new” pizza even though it’s the same thing as a normal pizza.
21:40 – Seth and J-dog hammer Criss Angel for his whack interview on Larry King Live. Jah: “For the first 10 minutes I was watching it I thought they were interviewing the guy from Fallout Boy or Panic at the Disco.” … Seth: “Criss Angel, I can only see one of your eyes.” Jah: “And it sucks. Your one eye is bumming me out. … No, he can’t catch bullets and cut himself in half. He’s actually what we used to call a magician, and those things that you’re talking about that he can dodge and survive and endure – those are called tricks, where through sleight of hand and technology, he makes it look as though he’s tearing himself apart and catching bullets in teeth and setting his eyeballs on fire. But he’s not actually doing it, because if you were to actually do that, he would be all fucked up and dead. You fucking asshole. Am I watching CNN, because this is a news channel.”
58:33 – Seth goes off on Christopher Lloyd and John Lithgow. He guarantees he will egg either one of them if he ever sees them in public.
1:04:50 – Seth goes off on weird rapists on internet.
10:15 – Seth blasts Mike Gravel for talking about dope and drinking and partying.
21:32 – Seth rips America for its system of voting: “I’ve got a new system: I’ll pick the president: Barack Obama.”
12:05 – We get to see Seth’s first rant on video, blasting a Craig’s List Missed Connections poster – “Do you have any idea, dude, how fucking weird that is? You got a haircut, you talked to the girl that cut your hair. You managed to secure a real-life date. You’re so crazy that you got home and you can’t wait until Saturday. You’re now typing cryptic messages, maybe she’s reading this. Is this weird? It’s fuckin’ wicked weird, dude. It’s W weird. You can’t wait homey?! You can’t wait dog!!?”
6:32 – Seth rips Andy Rooney. “Dude what are you fucking talking about? … He can’t— … What—… At what point does somebody just pull the plug? And not on his appearances. Literally, like when does someone just boot him down a stairwell at the CBS studios in New York. Like walk up, turn the surveillance camera off and just boot that fucking dude down the stairs. Women in the Congo being systematically raped across the country!!! Elastic bands are really holding it together for me. Are you talking about umbrellas dude??! Fuck man! Fuck Rambo!!!”
16:44 – Seth and Jah go off on baby names: “Cristal?!!!! In the future, when I’m president, everyone has to name their girls Jen and their boys Jack.”
6:02 – Jonathan and Seth hammer the new Wayans movie Meet the Spartans and their website.
16:53 – Jonathan and Seth blast former Dolphins player Mercury Morris for his crazy analogies about the Patriots’ undefeated season.
21:21 – Seth hammers Mitt Romney for referencing the Baja Men.
41:54 – Seth blasts Ringo Starr and his new album Liverpool 8, then sings a little of it
1:01:13 – Seth circles back and hammers the 9-iron parking attendant guy who was being a dick to Jah: “Do you know how it works in the real world? The other person hands you back the money that they owe you and then you both go about your fucking business. You don’t pocket the $2 and then walk away – that’s fucked up! That motherfucker! You’re going to hit me with a golf club? You owe me $2 asshole! Give me $2 and then you can do whatever the fuck you want!!”
1:01:59 – Seth hammers Second Life people and Craig’s List posters: “Delete your internet. Kill your computer.”
31:26 – Seth rips into some woman who wrote 18 paragraphs on Rants & Raves on Craig’s List. “Hey, stop telling me about your shit.”
0:29 – Seth references Ricky Gervais’ voicemail message that was played at the beginning of Episode 102, then hammers UYD listeners for not even acknowledging the message.
10:26 – Seth goes off again on the Ricky Gervais thing.
26:37 – Seth keeps hammering on listeners for completely ignoring Ricky Gervais.
38:19 – Seth tries to figure out why he gets so pissed at old white people talking (like Larry King, Andy Rooney, Rappin’ Granny, etc.): “I know it affects everyone negatively. Why does it so potently get me though?” Jah: “I don’t know. It’s awesome though.” … Seth then rips Larry King for saying "Check out our latest podecast" when Bill Maher is on his show (38:59).
29:03 – Seth hammers on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: “I wish Rambo would just get behind his AK and just mow that fucking guy down.”
30:37 – Seth rips the new ad for Skoal with two dudes out in the woods by a stream, reading WELCOME TO THE BROTHERHOOD.
46:37 – Seth rips the crazily dressed dudes he spotted at a Jamba Juice: “Dude, if we were in Sacramento right now in 1994 and we were at a fucking rave, you would look like a douchebag. You’re in a Jamba Juice in March of 2008 at fucking HollyWest. Are you fucking serious?!?!?”
51:34 – Seth going off on cops sucking up to O.J. and polticians sucking up to Roger Clemens: “Are you people OK?!?!”
51:59 – Jah says Seth overreacted about the Ricky Gervais thing in Episode 103 b/c they were overloaded with voicemails, e-mails and texts from listeners posing theories about why no one replied and apologizing for not getting on it
55:48 – Jah and Seth rip on SI Swimsuit model Melissa Haro for her quotes in the latest swimsuit issue: “I have a secret crush on… Toby Keith. He’s a bad boy. He’s got a voice that can make a girl melt, and he’s just all-around sexy.”
58:06 – Jonathan goes off on the Grammys for being a whack variety show and Herbie Hancock winning Album of the Year, then hammers his dog Kanye.
30:51 – Seth blasts Larry the Cable Guy for doing nothing else except standing on stage and yelling “Git ‘Er Dun!”
1:01:56 – Seth reems “Ask a Ninja,” the podcast with the dude dressed up like a ninja who answers questions: “How ’bout Ask a Pirate? What other things could you come up with that could be less likely for me to ask you a question? For real?”
5:08 and 31:53 – Seth and Jah blast Harrison Ford for wearing a crazy earring during the Oscars. Daniel Day-Lewis gets a pass because he’s Irish.
17:08 – Seth rips the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company with its 28 restaurants based on Forrest Gump.
22:29 – Jah rips on the post-Oscar interviewer who interviews everyone at the Governor’s Ball (George Pennacchio) and the awkwardness he creates.
1:00:23 – Seth hammers the couple that won the $270 million from Georgia with their herda-hadda-herda country ramblings.
16:59 – Seth rips on dudes who pronounce “Porsche” all properly.
19:17 – Jah and Seth blast creepo dudes who don’t throw any game with girls and just stare at girls. Seth: “All fuckin week I’m in that Whole Foods, and it’s packed with good-looking girls, and every time I’m in line, I hear some dude, like What are those, organic walnuts? Yeah! Why are you looking in my fucking bag and commenting on my shit, dog?! I’m not looking in your bag and commenting on your fuckin’ shit! Hey, are those tofutti cuties? You’re a cutie. Why don’t we share a tofutti cutie? Get out of my face, rapist!!” (20:25)
27:17 – Seth rips Marc Zuckerberg for wearing a fleece Patagonia, Abercrombie cargo shorts and Croc Tivas: “You’re worth $1.5 billion, you should be wrapping yourself in babies.”
28:18 – Seth going off on all the backpacks he sees daily.
31:24 – Jah goes off on promos on Myspace for match.com – faux videos for “see who’s on!”
12:04 – Seth rips Jenna Jameson for showing her horrible naked body to everyone.
18:47 – Seth slams Billy Crystal and the Yankees for signing the 60-year-old to a 1-day contract to play in spring training, wear No. 60 (his age) and strike out swinging, plus Robin Williams was in the crowd cheering him on.
31:28 – Seth hammers old people for talking about how they notice the price differences between now and yesteryear.
54:05 – Seth and Jonathan hammer the Brad and Angelino package (Episode 091).
42:09 – Seth hammers the dudes getting headshots taken outdoors in their horrible poses.
27:15 – Seth slams Andy Rooney for his incoherent ramblings on national TV: “I would rather watch 6-year-olds reviewing X-rated movies than this fucking guy.”
2:24 – Jah and Seth rip on Jonathan’s brother Benjamin, who just turned 21, for not listening to UYD. Seth: “Yeah I heard that last half of 80, it was pretty good. …”
27:04 – Jah rips Starbucks for their panini makers: “That’s not a good way to combat McDonald’s putting baristas in their restaurants… fucking idiots.”
59:59 – Seth makes fun of the dude he sees at the store buying the complete first season of Becker on DVD: “Dude what are you buying right now?!”
20:34 – Jah rips on Hillary Clinton for continuing her bid to run for president.
28:15 – Seth goes off on Jonathan for having the word “dream” in his coffee order. “How did it go from joe to dream?!”
42:24 – Seth rips on fools who get on YouTube and post ridiculous comments: “Everybody stop everything. Just fucking stop.” Jonathan says what can you do but watch The Hills.
44:50 – Seth re-references the story about going to the zoo on his birthday (Episode 033), Sept. 20, and getting a panic attack from the way people interacted with animals.
21:33 – New Kids on the Block, May 16, Today Show. Seth: “Oh, all five of you? Danny too? Oh cool. No big whoop.”
46:05 – Seth rips Hillary Clinton for her whack hairstyle: “She looks like Pacino.”
47:33 – A revisitation of dudes’ whack fashion. Seth goes off on 3 college dudes standing in the background of Obama’s speech the other night, all wearing crazy Abercrombie & Fitch shirts. Jah says the biggest issue right now is that men’s jeans are at an all-time low, and the t-shirt thing is starting to take ahold now. Seth can’t figure out why Jah always looks like a million bucks and everyone else is a jackass. Jah is getting a panic attack from the younger kids who are just now getting into the fashions that he used to sport back in the early 90s. Seth proposes that they simply start wearing tuxedos all the time.
28:15 – Seth rips on people who do triathlons and go swimming in the ocean, then get killed by sharks.
10:37 – Seth says that if there’s a breathlyzer at his prom, he’s going to go apeshit.
48:42 – After reading from Craig’s List Seth can’t help it: “We are all going to die!”
28:20 – Seth goes off once again on David Blaine for not being a real magician. Jonathan thinks he’s just a new version of Evil Knievel. In September in Central Park, Blaine will try to go 11.57 days without sleep to set a new world record.
30:35 – Seth goes off on the people he saw on video going through surveillance at airports and stealing iPhones, laptops, and everything else.
39:41 – Jah and Seth hammer people who get their teeth whitened at the mall, which Jah has watched. He says it looks like a nightclub because of the glowing blue lights.
44:56 – Seth rips Nicole Kidman for looking wicked fucked up at the Country Music Awards. Jonathan thinks it’s a weird deal with her, and he’s never found her particularly sexy. Her face doesn’t really move anymore, but Jah fell in love with her in the movie Birthday Girl.
46:14 – Jah and Seth go off on Criss Angel again for his whack fashion.
49:03 – Seth hammers people wanting to put a man on the moon again, as well as conspiracy theorists who believe in Zeitgeist and Building 7.
7:45 – Seth and Jah rip on the Adam Sandler Zohan movie posters that have Sandler’s cock and balls and white sandals up in their grill.
34:13 – Jonathan and Seth hammer Sharon Stone for her whack quote about the Chinese and the Tibetans, and about how she thinks the Dali lama is her friend.
10:29 – Seth rips on Usher for having whack cologne.
27:18 – Jonathan rips on the dude whose shitty life is so shitty that the chunk of his day commuting is worth a gallon of gas: “What’s up Mad Max? Your life sucks, dude!”
30:04 – Seth and Jah hammer the Daddy Dolls, which is the new version of flat daddy. Seth: “Hey kid, where’s flat daddy?” He was replaced by daddy doll. Why not just replace him with real dad?!” … “Why are they always in camo!? Everything’s in camo!”
41:09 – Seth has been seeing young women in the L.A. area wearing tunics, but blasts the dudes who have been wearing them. “Unless you’re Prince or Jason Lewis you can’t pull off a tunic!”
55:48 – Seth rips on Coldplay for dressing like futuristic homeless people.
6:17 – Seth rips on the hyper miler dudes who ask about MPGs.
29:51 – Seth tells people to stop saying “All timers” when they’re talking about Alzheimer’s disease. “She has diaretes? What does she have? Diaretes? That sounds terrible.” Jah can’t stop laughing at Seth’s made up word.
31:37 – Seth is pissed that people are still doing air guitar.
0:47 – Seth rips on Jacko for wheeling around in a wheelchair with a crazy Rasta wig in Las Vegas with his messed up kids walking behind him.
28:13 – Seth rips on the HBO show Cathouse and the main slut in it, Air Force Amy.
51:08 – Seth hammers Will Ferrell and his new shitty movie, Step Brothers. Seth claims he would rather watch his own NASCAR commercial 81 times in a row than watch Talladega Nights again.
9:51 – Seth hammers Kevin Costner for being back in the spotlight in 2008.
8:48 – Seth and Jah hammer Shark Week.
10:44 – Seth rips The Two Coreys, specifically how Corey Feldman’s wife is in the latest Playboy. Seth also hammers the name of the Feldmans’ child, “Zen Feldman.” Seth then blasts Feldman for being in PETA and wearing leather jackets.
16:15 – Seth absolutely demolishes Criss Angel for his new season premiere, how he wears Affliction hoodies and has a full beard and iced out hands that force him to drop playing cards. One of the guys in the crowd: “That’s a mindf---” (bleep).
5:26 – Following Shia Lebouef’s car accident, Seth hammers all the news stations who incorrectly pronounce the young actor’s name.
33:00 – Seth is so sick of bicycles because they’re everywhere and they’re so ridiculously slow.
15:02 – Seth rips on Jonathan for rolling into Boston Market and eating macaroni and cheese and numerous other kinds of cheese on numerous other occasions, even though he claims to be vegan.
56:33 – Seth goes off on Dan Aykroyd for buying a house in the Pacific Palisades for $15 million despite not being in a movie for 25 years.
11:12 – Jah hammers PETA for focusing their time on stupid efforts.
15:08 – Seth goes off on the new X Files movie and the fact that it’s coming out 10 years after the show was on.
16:18 – Seth rips on a horrible upcoming movie coming out the day before Seth’s birthday, My Best Friend’s Girl, starring Kate Hudson, Dane Cook and Jason Biggs: “Did I come up with this cast?” Jah thinks Jason Biggs died of AIDS at the young age of 37.
25:50 – Jah blasts China for lying and trying to trick the world about everything.
27:43 – Jah has watched so much Olympic boxing, and says the matches are the worst.
17:25 – Jah hammers male fashion, insinuating that it can’t get much worse than it is.
24:31 – Jah rips on WebMD for being poisonous because it will always tell you things are much worse than they really are.
27:27 – Seth makes fun of Jah for saying his decision to do drugs again was long and drawn out: “Really? You stumbled into an antique store, some dude was like, ‘You wanna drink absinthe?’ You’re like, ‘Fuck man, I can’t get that. Yeah!’” Jah: “That is not true. Come on.”
29:38 – Seth hammers the upcoming movie with De Niro and Pacino, Righteous Kill, that the thrust of it is “2 heavyweights at the top of their game.” Jah says UYD hopes they don’t get sponsored by that movie next week because they’ll change their tune mighty quick.
1:46 – Seth goes off on Nicolas Cage’s hair in his new movie, Bangkok Dangerous, which he saw at a red light the other day. Jah says the only things he’s seen getting as black as Cage’s hair are cars and guns.
10:05 – Jah is pissed at Starbucks because, in their attempt to be more eco-friendly in using a different kind of plastic cup and lid, is using the new model lids with the old cups and the employees have to tell people it will fall off when you grab it by the top.
12:43 – Seth and Jah rip on David Blaine for his new “magic” trick, suspending himself upside down on a high wire in Central Park for 3 days and nights, culminating with a live 2-hour primetime special on ABC, Wednesday, Sept. 24.
23:41 – Seth hammers Al Gore for his ridiculously boring documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, which Seth fell asleep 8 minutes into. Seth preferred March of the Penguins and Jah is an Ice Age man himself. Seth then rips on Space Chimps and Jah bites into Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
2:17 – Seth hammers the new 90210, which he calls a personal attack on him, Jason Priestly and Coy Perry. Although he did like the scene where Nat asks about Brenda’s brother, who turns out to be Brandon.
4:21 – Seth rips on 40- and 50-year-old dudes who really get into Batman, Spiderman and Iron Man. “I don’t get it man?”
22:10 – Seth hammers Domino’s for putting sandwiches on their menu. He also blasts Jonathan for eating Domino’s this week. Jah claims his veganism is not doing well since he quit smoking, and Seth’s tough love attempt on the show a couple weeks ago sent Jah even further down in the dumps.
7:57 – Seth is pissed that everyone he knows or speaks to is making references to Taco Bell. Jah thinks maybe it’s because of the strained financial times and people are eating budget food.
22:42 – Seth rips on Lil’ Wayne for bowing down to Kid Rock. Lil’ Wayne was on Seth’s list of people who could never go wrong, but now he’s on the bottom of his list.
43:52 – Seth hammers Lance Armstrong for coming out of retirement because no one gives a fuck that he rode a bike, stopped riding the bike and is now going to ride the bike again. He also lumps Michael Phelps into the mix.
51:14 – Seth rips the new Domino’s commercial that has the talking piece of rigatoni speaking ebonics with the child actor. He thinks it’s the new rappin’ granny revival, in a strange era where Lil’ Wayne is worshiping Kid Rock.
4:11 – Seth hammers The Dark Knight for being re-released because no one hasn’t seen it. Jah follows this with his rendition of Christian Bale’s Batman voice.
17:25 – Jah references the fact that a couple weeks back (Episode 131, 4:48) he said Cheech & Chong were having their heyday in the late 50s and there was much listener feedback blasting him for this, then goes off on the listeners for not understanding the comedy there. He also says to stop sending him lists of factoids about Sarah Palin.
18:55 – Seth goes off on the 44,000 people who went out and bought LL Cool J’s new record during the first week it came out.
1:03:19 – Jah doesn’t want to see any more Obama stickers that have the “O” of Obama being a peace sign. He doesn’t want any more superimposing of whatever ideals we affiliate ourselves with as individuals and automatically lump them onto him because he’s the only option to do that with. He doesn’t want to see any more homemade Obama stickers either.
1:45 – Seth hammers his new DVR from Time Warner Cable that doesn’t compare to his previous favorite, TiVo.
4:34 – Seth rips Krispy Kreme and TiVo for not making any money and posting profit losses every year.
30:10 – Seth hammers blind people for protesting everything.
39:32 – Seth goes off on John McCain and said everytime he sees him moving his robot arms he wants to chop them off.
52:29 – Seth goes off on whack beer commercials about “drinkability” or “cold silver bullet trains” and gets pissed that people actually attention to them and switch brands because of them.
55:10 – Seth says he deals on a daily basis with 50-some people who shouldn’t be allowed to go to a Cuckaroo let alone vote for the president, and goes off on idiots who shouldn’t be allowed that right.
7:36 – Seth is flabbergasted that he was watching Jim Norton’s Down & Dirty Comedy on HBO and saw a comedian he was quasi-familiar with: Andrew Dice Clay. Dice was holding an unlit cigarette and saying things like What’s with this Verizon guy? Can you hear me now? … This guy comes up to me with Blackberry. The only thing I like black is underneath me is a big fat ass, the only thing I want to ‘berry’ is my face in it! Whoa!
9:39 – Jah and Seth rip on The Love Guru, and Seth blasts Jah for getting all excited about it when he saw the trailer for it.
32:37 – Seth rips on Blues Traveler appearing on Lettermen this week.
33:32 – Seth rips the new Metallica song he keeps hearing on the radio.
36:37 – Seth hammers morons who do studies and call energy drinks gateway products: “A gateway to what? Waking up and getting something fucking done?”
38:44 – Seth rips Body of Lies for making less money in its opening weekend than Beverly Hills Chihuahua in its second week out. He says things haven’t improved for Leonardo DiCaprio too much since Seth saw The Beach and the Korean usher at the theater said “They no like Leo.” (Episode 126, 24:27)
58:09 – Seth revisits why Philly is such a mean-spirited city (Episode 088, 35:03) because of the Parking Wars show, and how they threw snowballs at Santa, booed Sarah Palin when she dropped the puck at a Flyers game, etc.
3:28 – Seth rips on Frank TV, and Jah points out the fact that Frank Caliendo couldn’t stop doing his voices during the wrap-up of Letterman.
28:45 – Seth and Jah rip on the title of the new Bond movie, Quantum of Solace although Seth admits he’s never seen a Bond film and doesn’t understand it. Jah explains that he’s a secret agent who gets mad-laid. He also says that his catchphrases are “I’ll Be Back” and “Fugeddaboudit.”
33:45 – Seth hammers Snoop Dogg for remixing “I Walk The Line” on the Johnny Cash remix album.
34:13 – Seth rips Lil’ Wayne for his blog on ESPN: The Magazine, in which he talks shit about the Cowboys, which Seth doesn’t appreciate.
35:51 – Seth blasts people who still dress up in zombie-like costumes and perform the “Thriller” routine.
15:40 – Seth hammers all the grown adults who were dressed up as The Joker for Halloween. He saw about 80 dudes in their 30s and older dressed like this, and says they should’ve been in Thousand Oaks with their friends or co-workers trick-or-treating with their kids.
17:42 – Jonathan and Seth slam Buck Burnette for the “death threat” he implied about Obama on his Facebook page.
12:56 – Seth rips 24 for being back on TV. Jah saw a magazine with his face on the cover but it didn’t say Kiefer Sutherland. It just said Jack Bauer.
13:36 – Seth blasts Jason Alexander for doing a guest spot on Criminal Minds, playing a serial killer. He’s wearing a long gray wig and whispering a lot: “Hey Jason Alexander, you’re a wicked shitty actor.”
28:07 – Jonathan and Seth rip on people who have a grip of Obama stickers on their cars, and wonder how they’ll look in six years. They still regularly see people with John Kerry stickers on their cars. Jah: “I’m a slob, but that kind of stuff, I wouldn’t be caught fucking dead.” Jah also rips on the one he sees: DON’T BLAME ME. I VOTED FOR GORE. Jah says either people either need to take off the bumper sticker right now or show him the twins. Seth says they have to give him either ass, cash or grass.
10:19 – Seth rips on UYD friend of the show, Dimitri, for having his brand-new flat screen super-dope TV on ambiently, yet having Zohan playing on it.
10:39 – Seth slams Step Brothers, especially for the 30-second trailer for the DVD featuring nothing but a montage of people being struck with shit.
14:14 – Seth yet again rips on Paul McCartney, who will be releasing a wicked shitty album in 2009. He also makes fun of Ringo Starr for setting a deadline for fan mail – after the date he will not sign any more autographs, etc. Seth then recalls the last time he blasted McCartney (Episode 069, 51:31) when he heard the “let’s all dance tonight” song in Starbucks.
46:45 – Seth slams Barbara Walters for interviewing Tom Cruise as one of the Ten Most Fascinating People of 2008 – since Cruise hasn’t done anything all year.
18:19 – Seth rips on the two finalists on The Pickup Artist giving the worst cold opens ever. Simien, the winner, would say “Tell me what movie this line’s from – ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner?’” And then Matt: “Hey ladies, so crazy – me and my friends just pulled off a caper – the likes that have not been seen since the end of Ocean’s 11.”
11:15 – Seth rips Hunky Santa for being so hunky, and Jonathan wants him to be less light-in-the-loafers gay and shaved. Seth wants traditional Santa Claus.
19:48 – Seth slams late night talk show hosts and how their interviewing technique and questions are so horrible. Seth legitimately wants the listeners’ opinion on what they’re seeing on late night.
22:00 – Seth makes fun of Burger Kings’ “Whopper Virgin” commercials, where they have a Transylvanian, an Icelandic tribe member, a Thai, etc. eat both a Big Mac and a Whopper and choose which one tastes better. Seth also makes fun of the “Whopper Freakout” commercials.
38:35 – Seth rips Ludacris and T-Pain for the line in their new song “One More Drink”: If I take one more drink, I’m gonna end up fuckin’ you.
59:02 – Seth is pissed because the celebs he’s been seeing at Whole Foods are so low-rent that they aren’t even worth his time. He’s sick of seeing Robbie Laughlin, the style guy from The Daily 10 being crazy loud at the gelato stand, so out of respect Seth gives him a “Robbie!”
24:14 – Seth rips everybody for going in droves to see Four Christmases. “You don’t have to go see it because it has the word of the season it’s in!”
45:03 – Seth blasts Michael Phelps for wanting his own video game: “Your video game sucks worse than what you do in real time.” He then rips on anyone who swims.
28:54 – Jonathan and Seth hammer Robin Williams, who got 6 segments on The Tonight Show on Dec. 22. He managed to get out of his seat a lot and did his black guy character while impersonating Barack Obama.
39:35 – Seth demands that everyone on talk shows stop talking about their kids – because nobody cares about them.
41:32 – Seth cuts off Jah’s story when he mentions a 92-year-old woman and infuriates himself thinking about old people with their pedal error killing 9 viable 35-year-olds.
58:31 – Seth goes off on people who are still going to Bon Jovi concerts, considering “Slippery When Wet” came out 22 years ago when Seth first started drinking. 2.2 million fans attended their concerts in 2008.
26:35 – Seth goes off on Art Bell and all his conspiracy theory freaks who have whack predictions for 2009.
57:57 – Jah reads the official SI press release about people who can opt out of receiving the annual swimsuit issue, and rips on “fags” who would choose to decline the issue. Seth can’t comprehend who wouldn’t want that issue.
25:15 – Jah hammers all girls, namely the ones listening to UYD, who keep dating the biggest tools on the face of the planet.
46:06 – Jah and Seth hammer the People’s Choice Awards for giving Adam Sandler the “Favorite Funny Male Star” award and giving 27 Dresses the “Favorite Movie Comedy.” They can’t think of the name of the actress who stars in it – Katherine Heigl. Favorite Game Show – Deal Or No Deal. Favorite Rock Song – “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock. Favorite New TV Show – Gary Unmarried (Seth’s show).
27:38 – Seth reads the full synopsis of the movie Seven Pounds, after which he and Jah both laugh and hammer the film for ever being made.
37:01 – Jah demands that no one invite him over to their inauguration party. He’s already been invited to 5 parties thus far. “Guess what guys, we’re done with that now. We’re finished for a long time. Let him go and disappear and do some shit. We don’t need to throw another party.”
5:55 – Seth rips The Dark Knight and Heath Ledger’s performance, which he thinks was overrated.
18:11 – Seth hammers Joaquin Phoenix for his new rapper steeze: “We don’t give a fuck what you do.”
20:29 – Seth blasts the concept of another Pink Panther movie.
21:29 – Seth blasts the Miss America contestants for getting overly excited, and blasts Kate Winslett for acting like she’s never won an award in her life: “Why are you acting so crazy? It’s not like Publisher’s Clearing House is rolling up to your house. There’s only 4 other people who could beat you!” Jah disagrees and thinks they have the right to get that crazy excited.
30:55 – Seth rips on the new movie starring Seth Rogen called Observe and Report, in which he plays a mall security guard named Ronnie Barnhardt. Jah thinks the slogan for the movie should be “Different Mall. Different Cop. Same hijinx,” so no one confuses it with Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Seth then rips Paul Blart and people who went to go see it, earning it $67 million in the first few weeks.
37:51 – Jah rips on TV people in the world who have jobs of interviewing other people and are doing a really bad job at it. Basically the only good ones are Charlie Rose, Stephen Colbert, Oprah and sometimes Letterman. Seth: “Carson Daly.” Jah: “A-ma-zing.”
48:12 – Seth and Jah hammer Kanye West. Seth can barely say the words Kanye West without getting mad at himself. If he has to talk about that he tries to just point. He carries a picture of Kanye around with him so in case he comes up in conversation he can just point to the small portrait of him.
40:16 – Seth blasts people at stores who won’t accept his $100 bills because they can’t break them.
54:44 – Seth threatens to kill grandma and grandpa if they try to use some of the hip lingo that Seth found in that AARP booklet.
14:45 – Jah and Seth blast the upcoming Transformers sequel
15:20 – Seth saw The Cure on a late-night talk show singing music, and doesn’t think they looked too good.
19:37 – Seth and Jah hammer Coldplay for trying to wear Sergeant Pepper Beatles rigouts
26:02 – Jah goes off on the whole incident behind Michael Phelps smoking weed: “There’s no way Kellogg’s is not cutting you out of your fucking endorsement, no matter what you say! Why are you getting on camera and just sucking massive fucking dick? And not just going, like, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done it in a place where there was some douchebag who was going to take a picture of me with a fucking iPhone. I’m 22. I smoke weed. We all smoke weed. What’s up world?! … Just be a fucking man and stand up for yourself!”
34:12 – Seth goes off on a “stupid bitch” who drafted a letter and mailed it into Parade magazine to try to settle a bet between her and her husband
48:37 – Seth hammers people who are reading books and trying to be uplifted by them: “If you can read a book and it can change your life, you’re totally fucked. You’re more fucked than you were in the first place when you sat down to read the book!” Jah: “Unless it’s The Secret, because that shit works.” (Episode 052, 0:17). Jah isn’t sure if he’s on board, because he’s had certain records that have changed his life. Seth agrees and says “cut the fuck” because that’s cool.
1:01:04 – Jah hammers PETA because it’ll be another year before they reach out to vegetarian podcasters like them and they’ll just end up having to turn them down
1:08:30 – Seth: “Hey, Jason. Fuck off Jason.”
1:20 – Jah and Seth go off on Albright College in Reading, Pa. for having WHITE and COLORED drinking fountains. Seth: “And first of all, what are you doing at a fountain? Get an Aquafina you fucking idiot. Why don’t you take the receiver on the payphone, take your shirt off and rub it on your chest?”
6:13 – Jah: “Hey, um, everybody – stop playing World of Warcraft.”
16:50 – Seth and Jah rip Terrence Howard for defending Chris Brown and hammer Chris Brown for being an asshole and beating Rihanna
45:27 – Seth rips Kanye West and his wack haircut at the Grammys, which Jah was kind of down with. Seth thinks it’s because of the high-tops Jah was wearing at their meeting last week, which had faux fur bent over the top of the high-tops.
4:01 – Seth rips on Nic Cage for continuing to make crazy movies, including the upcoming Knowing.
3:17 – Jah rips on Dr. Phil and his dumpty accent
13:36 – Jah and Seth hammer TiVo Suggestions – really bad show tips from TiVo. Seth: “Just because I watch a lot of baseball, don’t give me cricket.”
17:14 – Seth: “Hey country – stop!”
41:41 – Jah and Seth slam Joaquin Phoenix for visiting and singing in Folsom Prison
43:36 – Jah rips Jack Osborne for his new TV show, Adrenaline Junky
51:19 – Seth blasts Joe Rogan for the Fear Factor: Psycho episode
54:53 – Seth hammers Donovan McNabb for doing commercials with his mother
13:50 – Jah blasts Craig Ferguson and can’t believe he thought it was going to work out.
26:40 – Jah pisses on people who say people who talk like assholes are “controversial,” as opposed to just “stupid.”
1:49 – Seth rips on U2 for their new tour “No Line On The Horizon,” which was originally titled “Kiss The Future.”
25:00 – Seth hammers Jamie Foxx for his new video for his song “Blame It,” which features appearances by Ron Howard, Jake Gyllenhaal, Samuel L. Jackson and Forest Whitaker, who all appear “in da club” in the video.
16:19 – Seth goes off on Peter Arnell, an ad guy who designed the Pepsi logo which was nothing more than a rip-off of Obama’s logo. In his 27-page memo to Pepsi that was leaked to other people in the ad world, he cited a bunch of mumbo-jumbo as his reasoning for designing it. He also designed the new Tropicana label, which everyone hates.
33:21 – Seth hammers Seth Rogen for constantly talking about his weight loss
45:30 – Seth and Jah go off on China for not being able to make a sweatshirt
4:08 – Seth blasts Eminem for acting like people miss him in his new music video
5:59 – Baja Fresh done fell off. Jah doesn’t know if it’s tough economic times but they suck now.
11:15 – Seth hammers Canada for awarding Nickelback their fourth consecutive Canadian Grammy for Artist of the Year: “Canadians are fucked up people I think. … All they do is play hockey and listen to Nickelback!”
39:49 – Seth rips on Matthew McConaughey for saying Dee-wight Yoakum and telling a horrible story during the CMAs
56:00 – Jah rips into Criss Angel for his video with Lil’ Wayne
1:00 – Jah and Seth slam the new BK commercial for the 99-cent Spongebob Squarepants kids meal featuring Sir Mix-A-Lot saying “I Like Square Butts”
3:18 – Seth tells us of some lame t-shirts he’s been seeing lately: I’M A HYBRID. I RUN ON BEER AND PIZZA. And another from a guy on 60 Minutes: WB: IF YOU SEE DA POLICE, WARNA BROTHA. Jah likes the WB one that says WORLD BANK underneath it
9:15 – Seth hammers the shitty Johnny Rocket’s on Melrose and how they serve $6 PB&J sandwiches
10:31 – Seth and Jah rip on Clarence Thomas for being so old school that he believes a dishwasher is a miracle
19:13 – Seth hammers Christopher Lloyd for not knowing what Lost is: “I don’t give a fuck if he lives on fucking Zorbitron! … L-O-S-T? Yeah, that’s how you spell Lost! Fuck! F-U-C-K!”
21:28 – Seth rips into Jamie Foxx for saying he has private aspects of his life.
23:41 – Seth blasts Prince for being “The Artist Formerly Known as Good.”
28:33 – Seth hammers the Wrigley Science Institute for their wack studies
42:57 – Seth rips on Sean Fanning, the Napster inventor, still rocking his baseball hats, for trying to create a Facebook for gamers.
11:50 – Seth rips on the cast of Hair, a bunch of dirty hippies who think 2009 is 1969, and how they performed at such gusto on Letterman and one girl ran up and handed Letterman a flower.
39:38 – Seth blasts Ashton Kutcher
49:58 – Jah and Seth are flabbergasted about Sugar Ray getting back together
52:34 – Seth hammers the new Jared jewelry commercials
55:30 – Jah: “Hey PETA, you can’t have it both ways, you contrarian motherfuckers!”
33:51 – Seth rips on Mel Gibson, whom he saw in a picture driving a 1989 Toyota Cressida
44:09 – Seth hammers Robin Williams for his wack routine on Letterman last night, where he did six minutes on Michael Phelps. Seth was expecting him to do his black guy routine and was surprised he didn’t do it, but then he saw him the next day on Access Hollywood mixing in the black guy routine while talking about Vulcans.
55:08 – Seth goes off on Ben Harper and David Arquette for their wack clothing line
1:01:32 – Seth is creeped out by the members of the Black-Eyed Peas, especially the little guy, Apple
2:16 – Seth slams Ben Stiller’s crazy shag hair, where he’s sort of let it go and it shoots out every which way.
11:00 – Jah rips Jessica Simpson for doing a fluff piece photo op for Vanity Fair addressing her weight issue which included the question on the cover “Does This Look Fat To You?” yet doing the photo spread with nothing but button-up pant suits.
1:13 – Jah makes fun of Pier One Imports for being such a low-rent store yet managing to remain in business.
6:30 – Seth slams Larry King for getting thrown out of his son’s Little League game and not saving that energy for conducting good interviews.
21:20 – Seth hammers Marilyn Manson for releasing a new record and having the most played-out game in history and yet somehow dating Evan Rachel Wood.
42:01 – Seth rips Eric Clapton for not thinking he’s made his best album yet.
49:13 – Jah goes off on Scott Roeder, who killed the abortion doctor, George Tiller, while he was in church.
3:09 – Seth rips on Bruce Willis for looking like Stellan Skarsgård in his new movie, Surrogates, a robot thriller set in a futuristic world where real life has become an actual world of The Sims.
7:04 – Jah and Seth hammer Ben Lyons for sucking as a “movie expert.”
15:02 – Seth rips on Bruce Springsteen, who performed four hours of terrible music at Bonnaroo and kept calling it “The Bonnaroo” and saying how hot it was outside and still singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
16:43 – Seth hammers Weird Al for still doing music
34:47 – Seth decimates Andy Rooney.
44:23 and 45:55 – Seth rips on Jonathan for breaking his vegetarianism so casually. Jah is surprised that Seth is legitimately mad at him.
12:49 – Seth hammers Transformers 2, specifically for having characters named Mudflap and Skids being voiced by Robin Williams and having Devastator with two enormous wrecking balls for balls. Seth went to the Cineramadome at 9 a.m. to see it.
14:34 – Seth rips Jennifer Love Hewitt for writing a horrible book about relationship advice.
15:58 – Jah slams Ryan Cabrera, who looks like an extra from Mystic Pizza. Jah wants to rip his face off. He saw a picture of Ryan on a listener’s Facebook page.
16:43 – Seth makes fun of Iggy Pop for still trying to be relevant in his appearances on Letterman and Fallon, even though Jah kind of likes him. Jah thinks he can’t be any worse than John Lydon.
35:35 – Seth: “Stop fucking your food! Stop stuffing dicks in my mouth and balls in my face. All I want is to eat a vegetarian club sandwich!”
51:21 – Jah and Seth question the release of 2012 with John Cusack, which sounds too closely like another number film of his, 1408.
55:13 – Seth asks Brad Pitt to stop pumping his fist so much, and to stop being emasculated by his crazy banana boat wife and his 14 children. He also hammers Spike TV for giving Mickey Rourke their “Man of the Year” award during the Guys’ Choice Awards.
27:25 – Seth disgustedly calls Jon Bon Jovi a “fucking jackass” for cloaking his attempt for quick cash as a tribute to the people of Iran.
36:21 – Seth and Jonathan rail on Marilyn Manson.
46:48 – Seth and Jonathan double team Patrick Dempsey.
25:53 – Seth and Jah rip on straight guys like Kevin Smith who claim they’d fuck their male idols “if they went that way.”
8:40 – Seth goes off on Canada for thinking whack music is totally awesome. He thought Toronto was better than New York and L.A. combined. Jah thinks that musically, Canada is the most retarded country out there.
18:52 – Seth rips on the slogan EXERCISE DAILY – WALK WITH THE LORD.
1:40 – Seth rips on Steven Tyler, who was performing in Sturgis, S.D., when he fell off the stage and was airlifted to a hospital. Seth says this is an indication that he needs to hang it up.
10:00 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Ashton Kutcher for saying he has three girls during an interview with Ryan Seacrest and he doesn’t know if he’ll have more – even though they’re Bruce Willis’s children. Jonathan blames Bruce and Demi for this, because they were so lax after their divorce.
21:45 – Jah rips on people who were at Woodstock who act like they know everything about life because of it. Them being there was as insignificant as Jonathan’s mother being there sober and seeing how gross and shitty it was, then getting back in her car and leaving. There were no toilets or anything.
31:31 – Seth rips on Woodstock, blaming the event for causing 40 million Americans to currently be on anti-depressants.
1:38 – Jah wants to know what’s up with shitty hip-hop and pop radio stations playing the worst jams ever
8:18 – Jah says our country’s game right now is so whack. It’s hemorraghing, and we should be focusing everything into our educational system, but instead we’re withholding information from the kids until we’re so far into the mix that they can’t be helped either.
22:54 – Seth rips Paul Reubens for trying to revamp Pee-Wee Herman
32:05 – Seth hammers Cheech Marin for getting married and then yelling to Tommy Chong, who faux smokes a joint. Cheech then is asked what Chong got him for his wedding present, and Cheech says “I smoked it already.” The weed today would kill Cheech and Chong if they tried it. Seth says he’s going to get the best weed in L.A., roll it up, go to Madeo and slip Tommy Chong a J so he dies that night.
36:16 – Seth again blasts Pee-Wee Herman for expecting him to buy a $38 ticket and drive and get a $55 parking ticket so he can sit in a hot cramped theater and watch a 55-year-old pedophile dress up like a little boy and play a character he did in a movie when Seth was 11 years old.
2:59 – Seth rips on Bob Dylan for doing a Christmas album and declares that the people of America will be starving
5:54 – Seth makes fun of the new Jim Breuer Pizza Hut commercials where he yells “Jackpot!!”
1:02:40 – Jah says everyone needs to stop getting jobs getting people to sign petitions outside of Whole Foods. He says they’re pissing him off so much and he is actually down with what they’re trying to get off the ground. Other people are literally screaming at them and flipping them off as they walk by them. Jah has talked to those dudes and they’re getting paid $10 bucks per hour after getting the job off Craig’s List.
9:48 – Jah doesn’t like Rachael Ray; he says it’s like Marie Osmond ate Donny.
23:01 – Jah and Seth again rip on Philadelphia (Episode 088, 35:03), this time for not having any libraries.
47:08 – Jah blasts Jennifer Aniston, telling her to stop being such a fucking Hollywood slut and hanging out with low-rent jackass faux moviestars. He doesn’t want her to cheapen herself and put shitty dicks in her mouth like she’s doing right now.
8:58 – Seth rips on Lou Ferrigno for being on TMZ standing in front of his brand-new 2009 Ford F-150, pulling up his tank top and showing off his jacked 6-pack that saved the day with Jonathan (Episode 151, 32:41). Jah says he was driving said F-150 when he rolled up on Jah after Jah saved the dog. Ferrigno was parked right in front of Gold’s Gym in the handicap spot.
18:44 – The new Bruce Willis movie, Surrogates, comes out tomorrow with Bruno’s crazy body and hair (Episode 170, 3:09).
51:37 – Seth rips on Lou Ferrigno even more
7:10 – Seth rips on Woody Allen for signing Roman Polanski’s petition to get him out of jail. Allen’s endorsement isn’t working too well since he fucked his daughter.
13:23 – Seth rips on The Lamplighter from The Haverhill Gazette for failing to back him for the last 14 years he’s been in Hollywood until just now.
52:06 – Jah kicks Jeremy Piven out of his proverbial car
0:50 – Seth demands to know why Geico is still using the cavemen in their commercials
37:49 – Seth watched KISS perform on Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel in full makeup and full costumes. They were a little bit older. Whenever the camera came around to Gene Simmons, he did the tongue thing. Seth demands that he put his gross tongue back in his mouth and go home (Episode 026, 25:20). Simmons licked his guitar and licked Letterman. Jah and Seth then rip on every member of the band.
8:21 – Seth rips on the Backstreet Boys, who are adult dudes trying to pull off a teen steeze. 13:39 – Jah rips on people for eating red meat. He says that if you are going to eat red meat, try not to spend 99 cents on it. Arby’s looks like labia’s in between two buns with cheese jizz all over it.
3:56 – Seth rips on Cheech Marin for being way to old to sign into a hotel under a wack alias like he did on Oct. 17.
17:56 – Jah rips on the cast of Entourage for wearing Tony Soprano-esque track suits all the time.
30:27 – Seth rips on Jah for constantly fucking on the beach and eating lobster rolls.
37:15 – Seth rips on Mel Gibson for playing a Boston homocide detective in an upcoming movie titled Edge of Darkness. Jah feels slightly depressed because he used to make fun of shitty movies and simultaneously see other movies, but he hasn’t seen a movie since Star Trek.
48:03 – Seth rips on Comedy Central for lacking the comedy aspect which is part of their title. Seth thinks with the exception of the 11-12 hour, they need to just call it “Central.”
52:10 – Jah and Seth blast the GOP.com blog for trying to be hip.
8:58 – Seth goes off on funeral homes that gouge families after they’ve lost a loved one and they have limited options.
15:57 – Seth goes off on the Phoenix airport for letting two idiots steal 1,000 bags from baggage claim
35:29 – Seth slams Lil Wayne for appearing on Weezer’s new album. Jah renames him “Lil Weezer.” Then Seth slams Weezer for the name of their new album, Ratitude. Seth then rips Weezer for releasing a Weezer-branded Snuggie.
54:29 – Seth goes off on people who buy pirated movies – not because it’s a bad thing to do, but because the quality is so shitty that it doesn’t even pass as watching a movie.
6:02 – Old Dogs is coming out on Jonathan’s father’s birthday, Wednesday the 25th of November, and is prime fodder for Seth to rip on. It stars John Travolta, Robin Williams and Seth Greene – as well as some Justin Long and Dax Shepard.
20:13 – Seth makes fun of the 21-year-old version of himself.
54:15 – Jah and Seth hammer the new Twilight movie and the fact that Dakota Fanning is in it. Seth: “We still haven’t seen Twilight. What the fuck are we doing?” Jah: “Well, uh, not being faggots.”
11:13 – Seth blasts Jessica Szohr for acting shocked that the 3D piranhas in her new movie weren’t actually there.
15:05 – Seth and Jah rip on the late night shows for being so obvious about their pre-interviews and fishing the lines to the guests, which they often don’t pick up on.
27:00 – Seth and Jonathan hammer James Lipton for having Bon Jovi on his show.
33:42 – Seth hammers FOX for warning viewers about graphic tones in the show Fringe.
47:22 – Cheech and Chong get another healthy dose of UYD tongue lashing
16:02 – Seth slams James Franco for being a completely shitty actor on General Hospital while playing an eccentric, reclusive artist named Franco. He’s so bad that Seth wonders if he’s doing it on purpose. Jah thinks he definitely is.
7:40 – Grinch Jonathan feels like this is the crappiest Christmas ever. Seth, meanwhile, is excited because he’s ready to put this decade away and move on to 2010.
31:24 – Seth rips on The Who for playing at halftime of the next Super Bowl (Episode 024, 12:37). Jah wouldn’t be as mad about it if John Entwistle were still alive. Seth compares this to Pearl Jam playing the Super Bowl in 2041.
11:48 – Seth gets pissed about people mispronouncing words like “methodon” and “altimers.” (Episode 122, 29:51)
17:51 – Jah rips on Tiger Woods and other superstars who are idiots that are bringing wack game with their cheating on spouses.
1:17 – Seth lights Comedy Central on fire for continually showing the movie Hangin’ With The Homeboys. Jah thinks it’s clear that people have abandoned doing their job.
17:30 – Seth and Jah hammer Ashton Kutcher for being so casual and unsympathetic following Brittany Murphy’s death.
50:55 – Jah blasts U2’s Bono for continuing to put goggles on his face, allowing words to come out of his mouth and looking and sounding like an asshole all the time.
11:50 – Seth rips on Avatar. He went to see it opening night in 3D IMAX in Burbank. He was the first one there.
13:14 – Seth and Jah blast people from cold-weather states who defend them because of the awesome summers that make up for the miserable winters.
25:42 – Seth tells Angelina Jolie to chill the fuck out.
36:51 – Seth and Jah hammer Taco Bell for its new “Drive-Thru Diet” and for inventing the word “Frescolution.”
54:55 – Jah proceeds to reem airlines, because they can’t do anything right during his holiday travels. They charged him $15 for a cheese and cracker plate and didn’t have any of the items available by the time they got to the 10th row. There was a crazy ginged flat-topped bull dyke with an eyebrow ring in front of him, who reclined her chair back all the way against Jah’s knees for the entire flight because it’s broken.
23:03 – Jah said Adam Lambert’s face has been bothering him so much lately. He thought for a time that he was either Taylor Lautner or Pete Wentz.
29:33 – Seth is pissed at Obama because he pinned everything on him and he duped us. Jah thinks Obama double-cloaked it; because he put down the basketball and now he’s golfing and wearing mom jeans while riding a mountain bike with a helmet on.
30:12 – Seth rips on The Rolling Stones by congratulating them on not touring the United States in 2010.
30:37 – Seth hammers Ringo Starr for releasing his 15th solo album, Why Not? (Episode 070, 56:09; Episode 108, 41:54) Seth and Jah can think of a few reasons why not, namely the single he did with Paul McCartney. Seth also blasts the people who commented on YouTube about how amazing the duo sounded.
34:00 – Jah and Seth rip on Starbucks baristas and the way they will segue into trying to get you to buy paninis with your coffee.
44:41 – Seth rips on Michael Cera, who is a 21-year-old dude who looks like a 46-year-old lesbian
49:08 – Seth hammers Spiderman 4, which has lost their May 5, 2011 release date because Sony Pictures decided to halt production due to script problems.
0:42 – Seth rips on James Cameron for winning a Writer’s Guild Award for Best Original Screenplay for Avatar.
6:18 – Seth blasts 1979 for being “fucking morons.”
20:36 – Seth rips on Paranormal Activity and Open Water for being shitty movies that really weren’t that scary.
22:27 – Seth hammers FinallyFast.com
51:44 – Seth rips on SciTis like Tom Cruise and a newly shaven John Travolta.
4:56 – Seth rips on the upcoming movie Valentine’s Day, featuring the largest cast ever.
10:49 – Seth hammers Ray Romano for fucking up Gene Hackman’s acting career.
12:56 – Seth rips on the Dutch for voting D.J. Tiësto as their 40th greatest citizen of all-time, behind #8 Anne Frank and #10 Vincent Van Gogh
46:53 – Jah thinks the “sarc mark” is wack and goes off on it viciously.
49:01 – Jah goes off on Starbucks’ brownies because they taste like shit
31:18 – Seth rips on Mel Gibson for acting all uppity and ornery when being asked about his past racism and drunkenness.
32:17 – Seth hammers John Travolta for wearing a raccoon on his head
32:30 – Seth blasts Bruce Willis for being in a shitty movie with Tracy Morgan
58:01 – Seth goes off on the disgusting guy in his sauna
7:06 – Seth rips on Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise, for making sequels that don’t need to be made any more.
9:33 – Seth rips on Leo DiCaprio’s accent in Shutter Island
8:08 – Seth rips on Iggy Pop for his performance at Carnegie Hall, when he attempted a stage dive and no one caught him.
13:15 – Seth says he’s been on Yelp!, and he’s been to places reviewed on there where he’s never had a problem, but some dick logs on and tries to give it a bad reputation. Seth said he’d sooner throw a brick through a company’s window before writing a measured review about their poor service.
14:47 – Seth rips on Starbucks and people living in the Capitol Hill section of Seattle.
38:24 – Jah directs a calm rant toward Johnny Depp. He tells Depp that he finds him to be an attractive and charismatic man and has thoroughly enjoyed watching him from 21 Jump Street on, but he wants to warn him that the garb he is currently donning is nearing a Steven Tyler-type status that Jah doesn’t think he’s intentionally doing, and he thinks he can rock it a touch back. Jah thinks flat-ironing his hair at his age isn’t necessary.
31:23 – Seth rips on the internet and the fact that he has to endure YouTube videos stopping after 7 seconds every time. This is in stark contrast to Seth gushing over the internet in Episode 101, 25:42.
32:54 – Seth goes off on people who make rock-n-roll devil horns in photos, and tells them to please stop.
36:07 – Seth rips people who have 890 photos on Facebook.
2:11 – Seth rips on Iron Man 2 and the 17 times he had to watch a trailer for it this week. “How about Double Nope?”
59:52 – Seth goes off on the fact that no one listening to this show has an hour left in their days to go to bed and their lives are spinning out of control.
45:28 – Seth gets furious that Ashton Kutcher is considered by TIME magazine to be some kind of a soothsayer. He demands to know who makes that kind of editorial decision. He’s also pissed that Rolling Stone’s #1 reason to be excited about music is The Black-Eyed Peas.
48:27 – Seth is mad at Roger Ebert for writing an article about why he hates 3D and we should too.
53:11 – Seth goes off on Hollywood for all the shitty movies it pukes out.
59:02 – Seth rips on baseball for taking so long. The 9th inning of the Yankees-Red Sox game he watched the other night took 39 minutes.
5:56 – Seth rips on 50 Cent for his latest new look. He’s playing a football player with cancer in a new movie, Things Fall Apart, and went full DeNiro to get ready for the role. He lost 54 pounds, from 214 to 160, about a pound a day, to do it.
5:54 – Jah rips on Arizona for being so crazy fucked-up.
23:23 – Jah is incredulous at the fact that they still make phone books. Seth just opened up the window to the studio to look at two of them sitting in the street.
8:26 – Jah goes off on the stupid scientists who are using mice as cage fighters and talking about “winner effect.”
16:32 – Seth goes off on Edward Norton for wearing full cornrows in his upcoming movie.
17:52 – Seth and Jah rip on Robert Deniro for not making a significant movie since Ronin or Analyze That.
1:07:39 – Jah gets mad thinking about how some people can’t remember your order. He thinks he should be able to expect that because he’s a regular and regulars get preferential treatment.
12:40 – Seth and Jah hammer Criss Angel for biting at the camera and telling his audience not to let him kiss them. They assure Mr. Angel they will not let him.
27:54 – Jah and Seth rip on Hyundai: “In your own words. Real people, real comments. Uncensored.” They put hidden video in the car when people are taking it for a test drive. Some of the comments are a little to good to be true: “Wow the handling on this car is amazing.” “As far as luxury cars would go, this car would rank…” … “It’s comparable to a Jetta but the price is so much different on the sticker!”
55:12 – Jah hammers people that appear on The Bachelor or other dating-type shows and the fact that they get such intense amounts of magazine coverage. He is stupefied by it. He says their faces are the most banal, unattractive and not real faces he’s ever seen. He says it’s astonishing how undetectably undecipherable they are. He doesn’t know who any of them are and their names and faces are interchangeable. Anytime he sees someone he doesn’t recognize he assumes they are on one of these shows. “Every one of them looks like John Stamos with Down’s syndrome!”
26:35 – Seth goes off on Stephen Hawking for not doing shit all day and just warning us to leave Earth.
49:53 – Seth and Jah tell everyone to just keep your racist shit to yourselves and just go bowling – or as J-Dawg says, “Straight BOOOWWWWLIN!!!”
21:15 – Jah goes off on travelers who take insane stuff on planes with them, as well as people who don’t even know how to run their debit card through an automatic checkout aisle at a grocery store.
24:06 – Seth goes off on New Orleans. He wants to be down with it because Jah’s dad is from there, but he thinks it’s just slightly obnoxious. Seth says New Orleans is the Robin Williams of cities.
35:28 – Jah goes off on America for spending more money on Halloween than the year before when no one has no money.
24:43 – Jah goes off on homos who play fantasy sports. He has dear and intimate friends in his life who love this, but at least they have the decency to keep it out of his grill, because they know it’s D&D, Dungeons & Dragons, triple-sided-die gay. It’s sports and nerddom combined into one thing so it’s a trifecta of shit he doesn’t want to be involved with.
1:36 – Seth and Jonathan go off on Eminem. They don’t understand why his tracks sound so bad and why his choruses are so terrible, because he’s kind of an awesome rapper. He could literally call anyone he wanted and tell them he wanted to make a record with them
20:43 – Jah goes off on the Melissa and Joey theme song, which really isn’t a theme song
1:01:51 – Jah doesn’t think it would be an honor just to be nominated for the Podcast Awards. He’s going to be pissed off if UYD doesn’t win.
2:55 – Seth is pissed that he has to listen to people talk about their awesome trips to Hawaii all the time.
6:12 – Jah is pissed off about the turning the clocks back time of year. He says it’s guaranteed depression.
36:16 – Seth rips on Harrison Ford for doing a lot of promos for his new film
34:58 – Seth goes off on Jessica Simpson for trying to act like she’s engaged to someone else (former NFL player Eric Johnson) right when Nick Lachey did the same thing following their divorce.
3:45 – Jah goes off on the one-named man, Bono, for still trying to stay young with space goggles even though he’s wicked old.
22:30 – Seth and Jah whisper to Justin Timberlake that he was less than phenomenal in The Social Network.
28:10 – Seth and Jah hammer Adam Carolla.
6:34 – Seth goes off on the Baltimore Orioles and continues to declare them a racist sports organization. He wishes them zero luck in the AL East. … Jah then says Baltimore is a crappy town as well. He admits there’s good music out of there, but attributes that to good music scenes coming out of shitty areas where there’s nothing else better to do.
8:12 – Seth blasts Ashton Kutcher for being in yet another shitty feature film.
21:32 – Seth rips Robert DeNiro for sucking in the Saturday Night Live format.
1:01:20 – Seth: “Hollywood, you’re killing us.”
31:11 – Seth goes off on Ashton Kutcher for causing his girlfriend to get killed in 2001.
15:50 – Seth reads through all of Adam Sandler’s films over the past 5 years and says “No.” after each one of them.
42:56 – Seth can’t figure out who would blow Johnny Depp now that he’s wearing seven different-colored Gap scarfs with denim chaps and a crazy fedora cap with eyeliner and black-rimmed glasses. He also goes layered with open chest (LWOC).
13:20 – Seth goes off on Jason Alexander for even attempting to make a pilot on CBS. No one wants to see him on television in any other role than his George Costanza role.
57:13 – Seth goes off on people who get pissed off when they go to places that only serve Vegan food, because it doesn’t work the other way around.
11:20 – Seth and Jah go off on the L.A. Times movie critic who watches TV on shitty low-rent technology. Seth: “You’re an asshole, Mister Lloyd.”
1:17:08 – Seth goes off on Steven Tyler for sitting weird in all of his American Idol appearances and talk show interviews. He says he looks like the “bad boy” character in high school movies when the character slouches in a chair in the principal’s office.
34:27 – Seth goes off on the Army for having a social media handbook.
52:05 – Seth goes off on all the shitty music he’s forced to hear. He rims the Grammys for featuring Pearl Jam as one of its category finalists.
54:55 – Seth is pissed at Justin Bieber for his stupid interview in Rolling Stone in which he talks about rape happening for a reason, Canada being the greatest, etc.
58:50 – Seth goes off on New York City for being freezing cold and arresting people for smoking weed.
22:30 – Seth goes off on cops and says women can’t date or marry them. Their sole purpose for living is to write tickets, trim their mustaches, beat their wives and neglect their children – force them into sports they don’t want to play and then yell at them when they don’t succeed.
31:18 – Seth goes off on the BYU Honor Code office.
1:07:31 – Seth wonders if it would be crazy if they toured at other cities besides LA, and Jah says it will happen, so he wants people to stop bitching him out for only having shows in LA.
50:03 – Seth goes off on Kraft Mac & Cheese for their new ad campaign, as well as everyone who eats food out of a box.
36:40 – Seth goes off on all the comedy podcasts available on iTunes. All it takes is two dudes getting together in a living room.
42:07 – Seth goes off on the USPS for changing the price of postcard stamps from 28 cents to 29 cents on Monday.
2:41 – Jonathan goes off on the royal wedding and all the hoopla around it. His mother’s English and she doesn’t even care about it.
1:00:37 – Jonathan says everybody that owns a vegan restaurant is an asshole because they charge through the nose for you to be able to eat it.
1:02:29 – Jah goes off on the Lenny Kravitz Jeep Wrangler commercial.
2:26 – Jah and Seth tease Snoop Dogg for being a soccer mom. He began as a gangster rapper but there’s been a transformation there.
28:42 – Seth and Jah go off on people who talk loudly on cell phones – especially those who give you both sides of the conversation when it’s completely unnecessary to do so.
1:06:13 – Jah goes off on Piers Morgan
23:37 – Jah goes off on the Horrible Bosses posters, which are creepy and crazy – and there are 65 of them. It took him a while to realize that Jamie Foxx is in it.
25:02 – Seth goes off on “little leaguers” who are really 20 and trying to sneak into the U.S. and compete in the Little League World Series.
2:31 – Seth and Jah make fun of Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie for advertising for Knott’s Scary Farm
13:27 – Seth goes off on Chipotle.
52:43 – Seth rips on The Simpsons voice actors who are greedy motherfuckers for complaining about not getting enough money for the easiest job ever.
25:18 – Seth rips on Matthew Perry for getting more out of nothing than anyone else, and then walking right by Seth in Whole Foods and pretending to be on the same plane as him.
9:15 - Seth goes off on pizza being defined as a vegetable and People giving Bradley Cooper "Sexiest Man Alive" over Ryan Gosling.
41:42 - Seth fled underneath his couch and cried because he couldn't figure out how billionaires like Seinfeld and Robin Williams are still making people laugh with their wack comedy.
1:02:30 - Jah goes off on Bradley Cooper being "Sexiest Man Alive"
5:14 – Seth goes off on the “invention” of predicting in which parts of town and what times crimes will take place. He and Seth already invented it by watching Minority Report at the CineramaDome (Episode 051, 36:35; Episode 129, 15:42; and Episode 149, 11:10 and Episode 268, 1:03:14).
8:03 – Jah goes off on people who respond to phishing e-mail scams.
27:27 – Jah is not a fan of the tacky Christmas sweater parties. He doesn’t like the activity of those dorky people going out and getting jazzed about having to buy an ugly sweater.
1:08:40 – Jah goes on record saying that he is boycotting Scott toilet paper – a product that is not fit for murderers in jail let alone everyday citizens. It’s a disgusting product and they should be ashamed of themselves for producing such malarkey.
28:50 – Seth rips on HBO for not renewing Liev Schreiber’s deal with HBO Sports
21:00 – Seth hammers Jerry Seinfeld for making $1 million off one weekend of shows.
28:45 – Seth heard the new single from Bruce Springstreen, “We Take Care of Our Own,” on the internet. It sucks, and Seth tells us how much it sucks.
59:48 – If Seth got his hands on the arsonist, he would throttle him. He doesn’t want to sound too much like Mark Wahlberg though when he threatens this.
31:09 – Seth rips on Ringo Starr, age 71, for releasing his 17th solo album. Jah proceeds to sing one of Ringo’s crappy songs. The new single on the upcoming album is named “Wings.”