View Episode 225
Originally aired 07.05.10
1:13:03
1:14:17
14:57 – UYD: All Franco
17:12 – UYD: Performance artists
18:44 – Beats: The only mystic arts
35:34 – Big K: The circle of gifts
58:00 – UYD: Postpone the chafing
1:12:12 – UYD: The antidote
13:10 – James Franco returned to General Hospital as the enigmatic artist known as “Franco.” His mother also appeared on the show playing his mother. A future episode to air July 22 was taped at LA’s Pacific Design Center – a couple buildings in West Hollywood that host high-end interior design showrooms. “The event,” as it was called, was conceived by Franco and the new director of the Museum of Contemporary Art in LA. They called the event “Soap at Mocha.” The performance art included the taping of the episode, the event of watching the taping of the episode, the episode as it appears on TV and a film that Franco is making now about the experience of making all of this, which will show later at the museum.
4:20 – Jah has a new alcoholic energy drink that he has to drink – Four Loko. It’s in a 24-oz can that comes in 60 fruit flavors and is the equivalent of drinking 5-6 beers.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
41:45 – Jonathan has some pertinent questions – 1) How many people successfully escape from prison every year, and 2) How many tampons does a girl go through on an average menstrual cycle? Seth answers 1) 2,222 and 2) 222, then changes it to 2) at least a couple a day.
1:01:29 – Jonathan has another pertinent question – “Can you be in love with someone in a non-sexual way, but not truly? Not a member of the opposite sex. Have you ever been in love with a man, just not in the sexy way.” Seth’s reply: “Do you have something to say?”
59:55 – The first winning strain of the High Times San Francisco Medical Cannabis Cup was “God’s Pussy.”
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
10:07 – Seth was on a Dallas newspaper blog and read about The Beef Jerky Outlet in Garland, a suburb of Dallas. He ended up on their website and saw all the crazy jerkies they had – ostrich, kangaroo, elk, alligator, antelope, wild boar, pheasant, etc. For dessert they have cherry cheesecake popcorn. They have t-shirts for sale and one of them said PETA: PEOPLE FOR THE EATING OF TASTY ANIMALS. Another one said VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL SLANG FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN’T HUNT, FISH OR RIDE.
6:00 – Ever since Jah was in grade school all he ever heard about was how Arizona didn’t celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. and shot people at the border.
9:13 – Jonathan saw Tyson Chandler twice this week, and noted he was tall and dressed sharp. Seth recalls that he saw Tyson Chandler play a high school basketball game in Compton.
11:33 – Jah’s friends love their meat. Seth notes that “Killers need meat,” as his father told him. He wrote it to Seth in a letter when Seth moved out to Los Angeles 15 years ago, as a post script to questions about how he was doing and how his mood was.
15:47 – James Franco’s “performance art” reminded him of Takashi Murakami, a famous artist who did all the Kanye record covers. He had a show at the Museum of Contemporary Art last year or the year before which Seth went to, which was interesting. They had a Louis Vuitton store in the gallery which you could go into. There were women in there buying $2,000 Mark Jacobs and Murakami bags in the museum. Mark Jacobs said, “The purchasing of the products is an art form because what’s being sold is an art form, and then I guess watching that transaction would qualify as some kind of performance art.” So when Seth was there watching super-rich women buy these purses, he was partaking in his own form of performance art. He is a performance artist.
20:17 – Jah has always felt that Abercrombie and Fitch ads feel a little gay to him. He assumes that more dudes buy Abercrombie than girls. The last time he was in the store he got double dudes spraying him with perfume. Jah recalls walking in and them saying “Have a good time in there.” (Episode 114, 48:35) The next time he walked to the front of one of the stores, the two dudes were there but were replaced by hotter, abbed-out shirtless guys. He looked at them at the time but they were having some weird eye contact with each other that denoted to Jah that they had come up with this idea on their own.
27:40 – Seth had a short spell where he was in a public library where people around him were browsing porn, and even the people who weren’t looking at pornography were a certain breed of people – headphones on with the music too loud (Episode 213, 21:23). Jah suggests that libraries just provide a jerkoff station for homeless people.
35:38 – Jah asks Seth if he’s been to a Big K lately because they feel crazy to him, like Children of Men style with so much shit piled up in there. Seth feels that way in supermarkets, where there’s dozens of aisles he would never dare walk through. Jah has been going to the 99 cents store more lately because it’s cheap to buy allen wrenches and stuff, but every time he goes to check out he looks over and sees the sad state of the produce and food section and sees people shopping for food there. It doesn’t seem instinctually like a place where, if he was starving, he would go to get food.
46:55 – Jah watched a father and son, aka meth dad and son couple living in apartment together. The son was 26 and looked like Harry Dean Stanton and were talking such crazy shit and had such crazy shit in their shopping cart. Their mouths were so rocked-out and they were so high and talking so much and so crazy that they were changing the whole environment of an entire supermarket.
54:27 – Jah saw a girl in the shopping mall the other day who was walking with her mom and she had 2-inch plugs in her ears, she was super tiny and had enormous cans with a tiny top on. Jah was really taken by the fact that seeing a 22-year-old girl dressed this way when he was 18 would have made him godsmacked. Now he realizes he walks by girls dressed like this all the time, and they drink so much, they fuck so much, they do so many drugs.
5:42 – The Phoenix Police Department has set up a division called Police Assistant. It’s a non-sworn in, uniformed, volunteer police position. You get 40 hours of basic training in ethics, uniforms, limited defense tactices, note taking, first aid, parking code enforcement, community relations, crowd control and interpersonal communications. They do not attend the police academy and do not get paid.
8:00 – Jah talks about how Santa Monica has guys riding around on Segways who are community volunteers and tell people the law. They can’t write citations but they tell people “no skateboarding on the promenade” and “no smoking on the brickwork,” etc. They wear terracotta/peach salmon polo shirts and khakis and sun hats. The segways put them in an authoritative position because they’re taller than everyone.
18:49 – Fort Worth based American Airlines is inspecting 56 of its 73 Boeing 767 jets after a routine normal inspection in maintenance found cracks in the pylons that attach the engines to the wings in two of the planes.
19:41 – On July 17, teen retail Abercrombie and Fitch will reinstate their racy quarterly catalog after a seven-year hiatus. You can preorder the catalog for $10 on their website. They originally produced them from 1997-2003 but had to stop after people complained because it’s crazy.
25:53 – The city council of Quincy, Mass. has unanimously approved a resolution to make public a list of the people who view pornography on public library computers. Using public library computers to access porn is against city policy but violators are given two warnings before they are banned.
29:47 – 38-year-old Michael Baumgartner of Madison, Wisc., was arrested inside of the play area of a local McDonald’s. About 20 kids were jumping in the colored plastic balls and sliding down the slides. One parent became suspicious when the man didn’t appear to be with any of the kids. They brought a policeman over to investigate him, and he was on his laptop. He had one hand on the laptop to pull up pornographic images and one hand on his penis masturbating it. He told the policeman he was sorry he was using “bad judgment.”
31:52 – 46-year-old Eamonn Daniel Higgins attended 10 different schools in Southern California from 2002-2009. Dozens of foreign students from the middle east paid him up to $1,500 to sit in their classes, take exams and write papers so their student visas would remain valid. He hired a staff to help him with this and almost 125 different students earned him over half a million dollars during this time. He was found with 60 different California IDs.
38:19 – A VA Hospital in Missouri has sent letters to more than 1,800 veterans who received dental work in the last year and a half. Some dental technicians at the hospitals broke protocol in the washing of dental tools and they may have exposed the 1,800 war veterans to HIV.
40:09 – Nursing homes have a reputation of being a safe nice place where they can just be them. The state of Illinois just conducted an investigation called “Operation Guardian” and they found that in 12 different old folks’ homes they found 61 patients blending in with the residents who had outstanding warrants. This was their way of sneaking out of the system. Offenses ranged from disorderly conduct to sex offenses to attempted murder. These fugitives from the law were living in the facilities undetected. Some of these patients were “extraordinarily young.”
44:52 – In less than three weeks, 8 children have died as a result of being left in or locked in sweltering vehicles. Doctors from pediatric centers suggest parents put a doll in the front seat to remind you of your child.
48:02 – Thomas Mundy is 51 years old and has been in a wheelchair since a 1988 motorcycle accident. He has filed more than 150 lawsuits in the past two years demanding damages from small businesses who violate the incredibly exacting requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. California has some of the strictest policies involving regulations. Him and his attorney rock-n-roll it and go out every day to sue small businesses that will get crazy fines unless they settle out of court for $10,000 here, $12,000 there, etc. They’ve each made more than $300,000. They’ve sued for everything from coat hooks on the backs of restroom doors being too high to paper towel dispensaries in laundromats being out of reach to condiments in fast food restaurants not being at the right height.
51:11 – Two blocks away from the Ed Hardy store on Melrose, there is a new store Seth drove across called Ana. M Lifestyle – Be a part of it. It’s 2 dudes from the south of Frnace who helped develop the Ed Hardy energy drink, Ed Hardy air freshener and Ed Hardy lighter. They’ve started their own line of clothing with two motifs – the skull or the clown. It’s crazy colors – turquoise, orange with lightning bolts and a jester hat – and you put a padlock necklace on it or something.
57:25 – Pampers diapers has had a really rough summer. It kicked off with the success of their Huggies Jeans, but then they had to deal with consumer complaints that their Dry Max Tech was causing severe rashes on the fastest kids in the world. They’re hoping to rebound in the coming weeks when they unveil their new line of diapers designed by popular designer Cynthia Rowley. The fashionable diapers will cost about $6 more and will come in pastels, stripes, madras and ruffles. They are available at Target.
1:39 – Last week Seth said to hang loose, but he might get rowdy tonight. Jah doesn’t know about this because he’s not feeling very rowdy.
12:21 – You could call the UYD voicemail at 888-842-2357, Jah’s phone at 323-481-4422 or Mike Jones at 281-330-8004
53:18 – Seth asks Jah what he’s wearing, it’s a little vintage Christian Dior outfit. He says Jah looks like a 1950s French seaman. Jah says it was a present.
1:12:54 – UYD recommends drinking more water this week. Jah adds that they should avoid the plastic bottles. Seth recommends recycling, but Jah says “fuck recycling. Recylcing is taking certain pieces of garbage and putting them in one place and taking another kind of garbage and putting them in another place.”
2:04 – New data released from Partnership for a Drug Free America shows that U.S. teen girls are drinking more alcohol than U.S. teen boys
53:48 – According to a statistic published in the July issue of Playboy 15 years ago, the average bra size in America was a 34B. Today it’s a 36C.
1:13:54 – Jah says 98% of the people who listen to this show don’t drink enough water. He includes himself in that category.
5:54 – Jah rips on Arizona for being so crazy fucked-up.
23:23 – Jah is incredulous at the fact that they still make phone books. Seth just opened up the window to the studio to look at two of them sitting in the street.