View Episode 224
Originally aired 06.28.10
1:12:19
25:08 – UYD: Hospital Delirium
32:27 – UYD: You’re a Junior Hulk, I’m a Marine and we’re training to be astronauts
48:15 – UYD: Male Live-In Minders
3:36 – Good Morning America started their summer safety series. Part 1 warned us to be careful when you let workers into your home because they will a) cut you and b) rob you. Part 2 warned you not to run over your kid with a riding lawnmower.
34:40 – Seth was watching The Real L Word on Showtime, a reality show about some lesbians living in Los Angeles. He learned that LA has the best-looking lesbians because that’s what everyone on the show said. Whitney was at Crown Bar and saw a girl she hooked up with and has been avoiding her. She goes to talk to her but she’s real upset and storms out because Whitney’s with another girl at the bar. Later that night Whitney’s back at home and on the phone with this girl. She asked why she walked away from her like that. “Because this is so stupid.” Whitney then apologizes that they couldn’t talk. “I wish I didn’t like you. I wish I never hooked up with you.” Whitney then says she deserves to be treated amazing and she’s an amazing person. She says they’ll be good friends, then they hang up and she goes into the kitchen to pour another drink. Resolution.
41:56 – Jah drank a thai iced tea the other night at 11:00 or 12:00 and was up until 7:00 in the morning. It might as well be an energy drink.
4:59 – After a long work day spent staring at computer screens, many people relax at home by staring at another computer screen. Eyes begin to feel achy and tired, images begin to blur, eyes dry out and get bloodshot because you’re blinking about a third as much. You may be suffering from something called computer vision syndrome.
23:27 – The New York Times wrote an article about hallucinations in the hospital. It’s an unusual phenomenon known as hospital delirium. It can be triggered by medicine, infections, surgery, the stay in the hospital itself. It affects one-third of patients over the age of 70 in hospitals all across the United States. Doctors described it as “sheer terror … basically your worst nightmare.” They featured an interview with a Pulitzer Prize-winning historian who has written biographies on Mark Twain and Walt Whitman who had a razor-sharp mind when he entered the hospital. He described his delirium as “thousands of tiny little creatures – despodic aliens, some on horseback, carrying weapons like some grand Renaissance battle. … Their leader, a woman with no mouth but a very precisely cut hole in her throat.” He hit his nurse, ripped tubes out of his arm, was covered in his own blood and crawling on the floor and tried to kill his own wife and daughter.
41:49 – Magic power coffee – “Serving passion, one cup at a time.” You’ve never had coffee like this before. Magic power coffee increases the romance, passion and satisfaction of your love life. It contains horny goat weed, goji berry, American ginseng (aka Panax). It not only tastes great but can take those special moments to a level you’ve only dreamed of. While improving your love life you can also improve your finances. Simply promote this product and you can earn a sizable income from home. The FDA has said to not use the product because it contains a chemical similar to the active ingredient in Viagra – hydroxy homosildenafil.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
21:21 – Seth asks Jah to name 3 celebrities they could meet this weekend in a semi-illegal fashion and buy fireworks from. Jah goes with Woody Harrelson, Johnathon Schaech and asks Seth to go with the third one – Cher.
20:15 – Jah loves fireworks but he has a heartbreak relationship with them because he’s been a dog owner for many years, and they are terrified of fireworks because they think the world’s ending – probably because they’re here the last time the world ended. Jah says this is because they carry primitive knowledge.
22:50 – Jah says the craziest time he had with fireworks was when he was in Louisiana. They bought so many fireworks and lit the sky up. Jah’s dad’s cousin was a firefighter and everyone was shit drunk when Jah and his father launched fireworks out of huge tubes.
32:09 – It wasn’t until Ferrigno labeled Jonathan a “Junior Hulk” (Episode 151, 32:41) that he would be so bold as to refer to himself that way.
38:57 – Seth recalls An American Family on PBS in the 1970s being the first-ever reality show based on the Loud family. When he worked at Rocket Video he remembers the guy from the show, Lance Loud, coming into the video store. Loud was a gay magazine columnist and new wave rock-n-roll performer who died of AIDS in 2001.
44:37 – Jah wonders if he should go back to school like Rodney Dangerfield. Seth thinks it’s brilliant – Jah needs to enroll at UCLA. He says he feels wicked dumb lately and it’s bothering him in a way that’s never bothered him before. He dreaded it happening it in his 20s. He would love to get old enough to not care about his life enough to endure going to school.
49:27 – Jah said he had no sexually charged relationships with teachers much less nurses. He didn’t even have any cute nurses that he can remember. Seth thinks you could probably find a high school where there’s a 26-year-old nurse. Jah says that even if his teacher had tits and was remotely feminine, he couldn’t pay attention to anything in class from age 10 until he got out of high school.
52:34 – Jah prefaces this by saying it is going to sound terrible. He watched a high school couple touching each other, and the way they were doing it was so adult. The dude was so comfortable putting his thumb in her mouth at 16 years old. He was as tall as J-dawg and dressed better than he was, just laughing it up. Jah was engaged with girls he was with at that age but he was still awkward – he didn’t notice the awkwardness from this young man, however. Jah thinks there’s just as much good potential for the young generation as there is bad – Seth disagrees.
57:13 – Jah references Ed Debevic’s restaurants, where the staff and customers are mutually rude to one another. Jah had a friend who was a waiter there and he got fired for berating a kid too hard – he called him a “pissant.”
1:02:58 – Jah blames Blockbuster’s upcoming demise to their editing the jerk-off scene out of Bad Lieutenant. He rented a copy of it from the Blockbuster in Malibu when he was 14 years old specifically to see that. He was obsessed with Harvey Keitel when he was a teenager because he loved him so much in The Piano.
1:08:15 – Jah is getting a new kitchen and a new bathroom out of his fire situation (Episode 222, 8:35).
2:12 – Jonathan wishes Seth a Merry Christmas. The Christmas Creep has begun. Hobby Lobby began selling Christmas wreaths the day before Father’s Day. They were offering them at 40% off. Christmas trees are currently being stored in a warehouse and will go on sale next month.
8:27 – There was a movie that played at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival in April. It was in the World Documentary competition. Behind drugs, people and weapons, falcon smuggling has become the world’s most mysterious and profitable illegal trade. To the wealthy elite throughout the Persian Gulf, falcon hunting is a passion beyond compare. The coveted birds regularly command prices up to $1 million, earning them the nickname Feathered Cocaine.
19:02 – LA County sheriff’s deputies received a tip about a home in La Puente. They dispatched arson and explosives investigators to the scene, where they found a home that was filled with nothing but fireworks. Deputies set up a surveillance operation. They arrested three men in the home. The house had no furniture in it and was stacked floor to ceiling with half a million dollars worth of fireworks in it.
27:20 – Seth read some story about girls working in a nursing home in Minnesota who would tease the old men there by shoving their tits in their faces.
29:08 – NASA scientists are leading a research study underway determining the logistics of a manned mission to Mars. Extensive data from previous space journies suggests that psychological and behavioral issues will be perhaps the greatest issue humans will face when they embark on such travels, moreso than any technical and logistical problems. A six-person crew has entered a small isolation chamber in Moscow. The spacecraft simulator will be sealed shut for 520 days. The mock spaceship will then be studied for that time – 230 days to get to Mars, 30 days on the planet’s surface and then 230 days back to Earth. The participants will be evaluated for mood changes, sleep loss, depression, anxiety, stress, conflict and paranoia.
32:33 – Kim Kardashian dated Reggie Bush and the Saints won the Super Bowl in February. Her sister, Khloe Kardashian, married Lamar Odom and the Lakers won the NBA championship. Now Kim is rumored to be dating Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin. Seth hopes this holds for another six or seven more months so the Cowboys can win Super Bowl XLV, Feb. 6, 2011 at Cowboys Stadium. Seth wonders how Thanksgiving Day will be when the Cowboys host the New Orleans Saints when Kim, Miles and Reggie are at the stadium.
40:44 – Hustler has released the first-look promotional poster for their September release, This Ain’t Avatar: XXX, which will be presented in 3D. Hustler says it is their highest-budget move ever produced. Jah wonders who is playing Neytiri. Seth reveals it’s Teri Hatcher, playing opposite Tom Skeritt as Jake.
48:43 – Starting this fall, Provincetown, Mass. (Episode 026, 54:18) Public Schools will hand out free condoms to all public school kids from high school down to elementary school – first, second, third and fourth grade.
56:17 – California is looking into new license plate technology that would allow for ads to appear on the license plate. They would look exactly like standard license plates when the vehicle is in motion but would switch to a digital ad and other messages when the automobile was stopped for more than 4 seconds at a traffic stop or red light. The plate number would still stay visible at all times in at least in a corner or some sort of transparency thing.
1:04:06 – The California Department of Social Services issues state debit cards for welfare recipients to help feed and clothe their families. The welfare recipients receive the cards to maintain basic lives. State officials have discovered that people are able to use the cards at ATMs in 32 of the 58 tribal casinos in the state and 47 of the 90 state-licensed poker rooms.
1:08:36 – A man who lost his high school class ring 27 years ago while swimming in a quarry found it just where he thought it was all along. Lenny Nason is the owner of the Granite Hill Quarry in Hallowell, Maine. It has been closed for 80 years and filled with water for people to swim in. The owner decided to drain it to start granite miner. Jason Cottle saw a picture in the Kennebec Journal in Augusta, Maine, of the draining and decided to go back and look for his ring. The 45-year-old carpenter found it Thursday on a ledge that would’ve been 35 feet under the waterline – right where he and his friends used to swim. This was his 1983 Gardner Area High School class ring. Not only did he find the ring, he found the diving mask that he lost in 1983 the first time he went looking for the ring when he lost it. His 86-year-old mother Pauline said, “I was tickled to death. He’d been up there for three days looking for it ever since he found out that they were draining it.” Cottle said his mom always thought he had given the ring away to his high school sweetheart when she left for college. She didn’t believe him when he told her he lost it. “She didn’t want me to give it to a girl. She bought it for me and she wanted me to keep it. That’s why I wanted to find it more than anything – to prove to her that I really lost it.”
1:42 – Seth and Jonathan do their best Malibu accents
7:40 – Jah asks a question based on a mock video he saw. He wonders if it’s possible that there was a video where people put a ring of cellphones with a popcorn kernel in the middle of it, and they Skyped the cell phones and it popped the kernel in the middle. Seth answers with “Building 7.”
15:34 – Jah declares he has the worst laugh tonight; it’s like a cackle.
34:17 – Jah said that Kim Kardashian’s relationship with Ray-J didn’t work because he’s a dick. Seth says it’s because Ray-J’s sister, Brandi, is a murderer.
47:53 – Jah asks Seth if he’s heard the term “minder” for a nanny. Celebrities have minders for their children – not nannies.
9:47 – A new poll from the Pew Research Center at the Smithsonian Magazine found that 41% of Americans polled said that they believe Jesus Christ will return within the next 40 years. Seth thinks if he’s not back by the end of this show he won’t be back within the next 40 years.
11:55 – According to recent reports from the U.S. Department of Agriculture called “Expenditures on Children by Families,” the total cost for a middle income family’s parents to raise a child from birth to 18 years old is, on average, $220,360. Jonathan wonders how much his parents spent on him if that was the average, then erupts in laughter and declares his love for mom and dad.
59:26 – A two-year study by True Car – a Santa Monica-based auto pricing information company – that looked into more than 13 million U.S. vehicle registrations found that Volkswagen’s Beetle was the car most likely to be purchased by a woman. Jah knew at least one guy who owned the new Beetle.
17:07 – In the July issue of Playboy, M.C. from Providence, R.I., writes into the Playboy Adviser with a question: “I watched a movie in which the ‘Double Dutch’ sex act is described. Two men face each other and grab their own erections. Using his free hand, each man grabs the forehand of the other and moves it back and forth to jerk him off. Is that gay?”
49:16 – Seth predicts that school nurses on average probably blow 2 high school boys a year.
1:01:25 – 24/7 Wall Street, a website that gives analysis and commentary on U.S. and global economics, gave a list of companies that will be completely gone by 2011. This list includes T-Mobile, Zales, The Shack, Kia Motors, Blockbuster