View Episode 197
Originally aired 12.20.09
1:09:49
4:41 – UYD: Jeff has a Rachel.
8:20 – UYD: America Through the Eyes of Two American Americans.
1:06:34 – Myspace: Get with the realness
21:46 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the new show Men Of A Certain Age starring Ray Romano, Andre Braugher and Scott Bakula
37:15 – There’s a show on NBC called The Sing Off, an a capella show featuring groups from all over the country. Jah can’t believe that Face didn’t make it through the first round. Seth got physically cold while watching the show. It took him back to when Rosie used to be on TV, when your penis inverts into your body, your temperature drops and your heart races.
1:01 – Seth does his own Craig’s List spoof, using “egg nog” as a sexual innuendo
2:41 – Baby wigs – glamorous, detailed, realistic wigs for your bald baby. Custom designed wigs for infants. Jah says he would get his baby a Sean Connery-esque wig that was peppered. He’d also like to launch Jonathan and Seth wigs for UYD fans. Seth would like to get Jeff, his black grandson, a Rachel wig.
8:15 – Toby Keith – “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue – The Angry American”
56:46 – Jim Carrey, with 108,108 followers, tweets the following: “Hi guys, s’me, Jim, fureal. Inside scoop – sometimes I brush my teeth so intensely that I’ve been known to punch myself in the mouth.” … “Headed over to Burbank to face Conan O’Brien. Some say he’s half-human, half-rooster. I say let’s cock-a-doodle-do this.” … “We look at the world from a human perspective, but what if we’re not the point? What if it was all about the aardvark?” … “Does the suffering in our lives come from believing our thoughts about things and not the actual things?” … “What if you don’t stop at the edge of your skin? What if you had no exterior?” … “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily, merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream. Greatest song ever written?” … “Jenny and I are developing a new no-fat/calorie salad dressing. The secret ingredient? Antimatter.” … “Only a rogue wave of love can alter our circumstances.” … “Are we human or are we dancers? – The Killers” … “I just found a set of gag teeth on my shelf. Gonna wash ‘em out and put ‘em in my mouth. It’s Hollywood, brotha!”
40:24 - Avalanche
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
12:49 – Jah discovered that on YouTube you can search recordings of people channeling the spirit world.
15:09 – Jah asks Seth if he ever rubbed one out in class, and Seth said he could barely do it in his own home.
18:16 – Jah went to a magazine stand the other day and was going through mags he used to religiously buy. They don’t exist in his life any more because he gets all the information in other places, because the mags cost like $10.
30:54 – Jah wants to know what the “birds and bees” conversation consists of. He doesn’t know if the conversation he had would constitute as a “birds and bees” conversation, but he distinctly remembers a drive-time conversation with his father about the use of prophylactics. At that point Jah had sexual education for two years in his private school. Seth had a health class at school where they might have glazed over the sex talk.
32:58 – Seth was in Larchmont shortly after seeing the statistic that 30 percent of teens 13-19 have sexted, and saw three girls standing at a parking meter in front of Jamba Juice giggling. He thinks in his head that one of those girls has sent a topless photo of herself to a boy at a local Los Angeles high school. He then sees one of their moms loading them into her minivan and wants to pull her aside and ask if she knows what’s going on with her daughter.
33:50 – There’s a certain type of individual that causes Jah to step dead in his tracks during a day when he sees him – a young father. They’re pseudo-alternadads who are completely clueless as to how to make the transition from college life to fatherhood. They’re wearing sleeve tattoos, slogan t-shirts and cargo shorts/True Religion jeans. Jah wants everyone to cut the shit because there’s a right way of doing things.
37:33 – Jah watched the entire episode of The Sing Off on mute on a 50-inch TV while sitting in a Thai restaurant and reading the subtitles. Jah was so blown away by Nick Lachey’s rigout that he tweeted “It looks like Nick Lachey stole his suit from Fred Savage.” Jah wanted to light the Mormon bitches on fire.
48:38 – Seth can’t text, he only has a landline, but what he gets all the time are the text-to-landline texts from Amir, which uses a computer voice to taunt him about Tony Romo and the Cowboys, and it drives him crazy because he can’t do it back to him. Amir is a Steelers fan and Seth had a big thing planned because Steelers coach Mike Tomlin said he was going to “unleash hell” in December and they’ve done nothing but lose more games.
50:15 – Seth can’t remember the last time he was in a house of worship. He remembered parking his Sundance in front of the church his mother went to and he slept while she worshipped. Seth finally remembers the last time – he was in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City in October. Seth also went to church at Christ the King on Rosmore with his mother last Christmas when she came to visit. Seth was standing outside when the priest came out and he was so young that Seth thought he was an altar boy. He got up on the microphone and Seth thought he was getting crazy on the mic. He was saying the illest shit and Seth kept squeezing his mother’s hand as he spoke about the manger being “filled with excrement.”
1:02:10 – Seth’s friend Tim saw Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez out once, and Seth was in Larchmont and wondered if he could make it out there in time.
4:49 – Michelle Duggar (Episode 064, 27:10; Episode 117, 5:25; from TLC’s 18 Kids and Counting made it 19 and counting this week. Seth thinks that lower region of the human body can’t withstand that many kids. They say they’re going to continue to have kids as long as Michelle is willing to have them. Seth thinks they’ll top out at 24 kids.
7:34 – The Nobel Peace Prize concert was held in conjunction with Barack Obama receiving the award. Will and Jada Smith were the hosts. Toby Keith was one of the artists performing, but the committee was not down with him being there, citing his song “Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue – Angry American.” During the concert, Will Smith was on stage singing “Rapper’s Delight” and having a great time. Kobe Teeth gets up there and tries to hang with Big Will, then throws in his own verse about “… I am lightning Will, and I’d like to say hello to the black, to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow!” As he says the word “yellow,” Kobe Teeth holds his hands up to his face and makes slanty eyes.
11:18 – Published on Nov. 1, 1998 by Angus J. Kennedy – “The Rough Guide to the Internet (You Need This Book)” says on the first page, “OK, what’s this internet good for?” The book then asks a few other questions: “Is there a lot of weird stuff on the net?” … “But isn’t it just another male-dominated bastion?” … “What’s electronic mail again?” … “So is this the information superhighway?”
13:57 – 17-year-old Martin Guerrero was arrested at his Dallas high school after his art teacher went over to check his desk and the art project he had been working on. When she got to his seat, he pulled up his shirt to show that he was feverishly masturbating. He then yelled “Aye, mami!” and proceeded to jerk off in front of 30 students.
15:41 – Barnes & Noble decided to shut down their small B. Dalton bookstores in Laredo, Texas next month. The city’s 253,000 residents will now have to drive 150 miles to the Barnes & Noble in San Antonio.
26:07 – TIME magazine’s Person of the Year is Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke, and Seth thinks that anyone associated with money should not deserve this honor, especially when someone named Sully Sullenberger did the most awesome thing ever on Jan. 15, 2009 by saving the lives of passengers on Flight 1549.
28:42 – Customized Christmas trees come in yellow, pink, orange, blue and purple colors. Jah wants a Rasta Christmas tree. He also wants an 8-tree menorah where you light a different one on fire for each day of Hannukah.
29:34 – The National Eye Institute says that nearsightedness in Americans has increased 66 percent since the 1970s. Optometrists believe the increased use of computers and cell phones and much more time indoors are the cause of this. Jah’s dad wears reading glasses and he wonders if he’ll need to do that eventually. Seth thinks Jah will have 20/20 vision forever.
32:37 – MTV has launched a new campaign to halt the spread of sexting called “The Thin Line.” It features a girl talking about how it’s not a big deal if her boyfriend loves her and keeps it on his phone. Then the phrase pops up, “There’s a thin line between him and the whole school.”
42:03 – According to the National Retail Federation, as of the first week of December, 42 million people have not even started their holiday shopping, while 20 million people had already finished.
43:31 – Is your doctor up to date? Every day brings new medical advances, breakthroughs and understandings that make doctors have to constantly read studies. Evidence-based medicine is the idea that doctors understand all the latest news and scientific research. A growing problem is older doctors only using their knowledge from medical school and mis-diagnosing things. Seth doesn’t have a doctor, and he might be the healthiest person Jonathan knows. The healthiest people he knows don’t go to doctors. Seth says Jah has a lot of doctors, and Jah tells him to stop doing that because it makes him sound crazy to listeners.
53:36 – Space tourism company Virgin Galactic has hired British synth pop group Spandau Ballet to be its on-ship entertainment when the company begins launching customers into sub-orbit in 2012. Spaceship II will achieve roughly 5 minutes of zero gravity. The spaceship will hold you, 2 pilots and the 5 members of the group. If Jah and Seth had this offered to them for free, Seth wouldn’t go – he would give his seat to a UYD listener in a raffle. Jah wonders why Seth wouldn’t do it because Seth rides on airplanes, but Seth says he doesn’t do it willingly.
8:23 – If there was going to be a third member of UYD, Seth thinks it would probably be Kobe Teeth.
23:25 – Jah thinks men need to just cut the shit when it comes to thinking that women are stupid in regards to the things that they think they’re stupid about. Jah concurs that they’re stupid about certain things, but not things men think they are. Jah think men were bad back in the 70s too but it was more of a traditional structure that created its own kind of happiness.
28:09 – Jah asks Seth to take him to outer space, and Seth proceeds to play Galaga sound effects.
42:32 – UYD stockings are on sale via the website, as is a tote bag and a caribiner.
1:01:04 – Seth gives a toned-down, drawn-out “Sssssmokin.”
1:01:40 – Jah thinks that it is some couple’s fault for breaking up when they weren’t supposed to that threw the entire celebrity dating fractal so out of whack. Seth thinks it was the Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez break-up that did it. Jah calls them “Jaffleck,” and Seth makes fun of this. Seth doesn’t buy the Affleck/Garner relationship and he wants “Bennifer” back.
1:07:35 – Seth received calls from listeners who said Episode 196 cut off at the end. Jah has a fixed version of that which he says he will upload soon.
1:08:12 – Jah apologizes for a small buzzing noise that’s been going on for the last couple episodes, and he says he needs to fix it soon.
22:19 – According to perplexing new research from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, women of all ages, across all ethnic groups and economic strata, including single/married/family or not, all women have experienced a steady erosion in happiness since the 1970s. Jah attributes this to men.
30:28 – Research has shown most parents put off the “birds and bees” talk with their kids for as long as possible. A new study in the journal Pediatrics showed that most adolescents had some kind of sexual encounter before their parents got around to discussing it with them.
45:56 – According to data released by the U.S. Census Bureau, Americans sent 2.1 billion texts in December of 2003. By December of 2007, that figured jumped to 48 billion. In December of 2008, that number jumped to 110 billion.
50:00 – A recent survey about where people text found that 13 percent of Americans admitted to texting while in a house of worship.
19:07 – PARADE magazine answers reader questions: Don Buyington of West Greenwich, R.I., asks “Who’s the announcer for Saturday Night Live? Has it always been the same person?” Seth then gives us a synopsis: Except for one season, 1981-82, it’s been the great Don Pardo (91). He began his career in radio in the 30s and worked his way up to be NBC’s top game show announcer and started with the first season of SNL and has been there the entire run. He lives in Tucscon, Ariz., and flies to New York every weekend to do the show in the studio.
1:17 – Seth lights Comedy Central on fire for continually showing the movie Hangin’ With The Homeboys. Jah thinks it’s clear that people have abandoned doing their job.
4:34 – Seth’s black grandson baby, Jeff, is mentioned.
38:26 – Jah talks about wanting to light “Mormon bitches” on fire