View Episode 191
Originally aired 11.09.09
1:07:35
32:54 – UYD: Vocal humpers
8:21 – Seth gives a rundown of professional poker player Phil Ivey’s appearance on the sports doc show E:60. Ivey was part of a group of pro players called “The Corporation,” who pooled together all their money and took turns going head-to-head against Texas billionaire Andy Beale, a poker fanatic and mathematical genius. Ivey won the group $16 million over 3 days playing Beale. During the show, Ivey is flying his Gulfstream to Salzburg, Austria to play in a poker tournament. They stopped in Connecticut so he could go to Foxwoods and play craps, played 20 minutes and walked out with $185,000. He then stops in Montreal and plays craps for 30 minutes and wins $750,000. At one point he was up $1 million and asked the reporter to roll with Ivey’s money, and the reporter lost $240,000. Ivey says “I knew you were unlucky,” and they get back on the plane. Ivey says he would know to stop if he was feeling the burn, but he never felt it.
32:59 – Seth is trying to live his life and get his B Vitamins every day, but he’s watching Nightline, and they do a report on “The Blueberry Children.” There are blueberry fields all over the country (specifically Michigan and North Carolina) who are employing migrant children so their small hands don’t squish the berries when they pick them. At this point Seth had to pour out his blueberry drink.
53:35 – Seth was watching a story on 60 Minutes about movie piracy. It featured a special unit breaking down doors in downtown L.A. Seth is curious what it’s all about, but all the movies are are dudes in the back of movie theaters taping the movie, while people are coughing and heads are moving in frame.
40:37 – The Power Balance – a bracelet you wear that costs $59.95 and balances you. It has a penny-sized sticker that has been programmed with naturally occurring frequencies that are found in nature. They promote balance, focus, flexibility, strength and overall wellness.
41:37 – The Makkar Pure Power Mouthguard - $2,000. Custom-designed to your mouth by a neuromuscular dentist. It naturally aligns the athletes’ jaws and in doing so enhances power, balance, range of motion, flexibility, agility, endurance and speeds up recovery time. The New Orleans Saints players wear them, and so far they’re undefeated.
43:13 – The Trojan Ecstacy Condom features a commercial in which a couple bumrushes a pharmacy asking what they sold them because it feels like nothing’s there. The tagline: “New fit. His side, her side lubrication. So much pleasure you can’t wait to get it on.”
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
21:56 – Seth discovers the term “alienation of affection” – a legal action brought by a deserted spouse against a third party alleged to be responsible for the failure of a marriage. It’s typically the adulterous spouse’s lover. The law was abolished in 42 states by 1935, but is still on the books in Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Mississippi, New Mexico, Utah and South Dakota.
1:49 – Seth played high school tennis for a couple years and totally loved Andre Agassi. Jah played tennis in late middle school and wore all of Agassi’s clothing, shoes, etc.
3:58 – Jah loves Steffi Graf’s legs better than anyone else’s. This is why he loves “Riding on the Metro” by Berlin (Episode 112, 35:56) so much.
5:28 – So many people have the flu in Jah’s life that it’s crazy. He says the only solution to avoid it is to smoke cigarettes and drink water.
7:07 – Jah had to ask a sandwich artist at Subway the other night on his way to the Phish concert in Oakland. She had just made a BBQ chicken sub and he asked her to change them so he could have his veggie sub, and she was annoyed.
8:00 – Seth declares that Phish is still the greatest band in the world. He says the Phish show was epic and he hadn’t felt that way at a show since he was a kid.
15:26 – Seth and Jah think back on what they packed in their suitcases to New York. Seth didn’t pack anything valuable but Jah packed some hard drives, which could be worth something.
16:19 – Jah’s mom flew to England two years ago and was overweight (not her, her baggage), and she opened it to unload it, took out some things including a laptop, then put it back in the suitcase. The security guy said “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” but she insisted and it in fact did get stolen.
17:55 – Jah says that LAX is so unacceptably behind the times run-down, rag-tag and shitty that he has never in his life traveled to another airport that is so disproportionately low-end and wack. This is why Seth flies out of Burbank. When he got on that plane to fly to NYC, he got to walk the tarmac and be out in the mix. He felt awesome.
25:31 – Seth got a voicemail from a girl who lives in Oregon. She was talking about the fact that New Jersey and Oregon are the only two states that ban self-service gas stations. (Seth looked it up and the law supposedly protects consumers/drivers from deadly accidents. He thinks it’s because in the 1930s it was a relatively dangerous thing.) The caller said she was getting gas super late at night, and the guy who came out to pump the gas was really creepy.
44:13 – Jah declares that condoms are the worst. Seth’s mother was quite alarmed at UYD’s discussion of condoms and wanted to make sure that Jah was protecting himself despite refusing to wear them.
1:39 – Andre Agassi released an autobiography that has some curious details in it. He used crystal meth for about 1 ½ years in the late 90s. He went bald very young and his awesome hair was actually various hair pieces and wigs that he modeled together. He said he lost the 1990 French Open at the age of 20 because he was so preoccupied with the poorly glued hairpiece he and his brother made the night before. Before his marriage to Brooke Shields, she wanted him to lose some weight for the photos. For motivation, she put a picture of tennis player Steffi Graf on the refrigerator. Two years after he divorced Shields, he married Graf.
4:57 – According to Real Simple magazine, the number of days the flu virus can remain on a dollar bill is 17 days.
11:57 – A career clairvoyant with a sixth sense and a counseling background, Sue Frederick, a career intuitive and the author of I See Your Dream Job, available through St. Martin’s Press for $17, can predict your next career move and help you plan for it. A session with you will entail providing her with a birth name, DOB and current or most recent career title. She then meditates on these facts, has visions of the client’s possible career path and sometimes will have dreams where a client’s departed loved one will come and give her insight into what that living person’s new career should be. She’s helped an architect become a published author, a Wall Street banker start a food delivery business and a corporate lawyer switch to teaching.
14:08 – Two people, Keith King, 61, and Stacy King, 38, were arrested this week in Phoenix suspected of stealing more than 1,000 pieces of luggage from the baggage claim carousels at the Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. Three weeks ago, police saw Keith King park his car, go into the ticketing area and take a bag that wasn’t his. He was released but police put him under surveillance. They followed him back to the airport, watched him take a back, followed him home and upon arriving one officer said, “The amount of luggage inside the residence was almost surreal.”
20:06 – Michelle Triola Marvin passed away this week. She was the ex-lover of Lee Marvin. They lived together and never got married, thus her lawyer added the phrase “palimony” into American culture when she filed a lawsuit for part of his estate. She was quoted during the trial, “If a man wants to leave his toothbrush at my house, he better bloody well marry me.”
23:31 – The Pentagon has teamed up with Taser International (Episode 075, 28:46; Episode 099, 28:07) to build a grenade launcher that would shoot electric shock projectiles from up to 150 feet away that could then incapacitate a perp for up to 3 minutes. It’s called the Hemi Human Electro Muscular Incapacitator.
39:05 – Analysis by Kayak.com, a leading travel search engine, says that the demand for plane tickets both on Sept. 11 and all Friday the 13ths is so low that prices are up to 14% lower on those days. This week there will be a Friday the 13th, so keep that in mind.
17:16 – Jah reminisces on curbside check-in as if it doesn’t exist anymore. But it does.
28:54 – Seth and Jah want to start an old-timey gas station in the heart of Hollywood. They’ll get out-of-work sitcom actors to work there and shoot it as a reality show.
47:37 – Jah and Seth start to get trippy. Jah talks about how arbitrary the sequence of events in our daily lives is. Seth ponders about dreaming, and how sick and crazy it is that you create the way people look and what they say. He’s been having a lot of specific and vivid dreams that err on the side of mildly uncomfortable. They’re not night terrors (Episode 033, 48:25). Seth thinks that he’s making up the dialogue of the dream in his brain, but Jah doesn’t agree with that part. His dreams don’t feel as if they are his own manifestations. He has no well from which to draw the things he is conjuring. He knows he has a lot of crazy things within him but he thinks these other entities come to him from outside, and commingles in his realm that he’s cognizant of. Jah is sincerely worried about 2012; he thinks it’s for real while Seth thinks it’s Y2K bullshit. Jah explains that, assuming we’re children of God created in his image, we create things in our world the way God created the world we live in. When you look at our forms of communication that we create right now, there are things that are at the peak of our technology, yet others that are completely arcane (telephone) that are still completely useful and valid. He believes there are arcane versions of galactic communication. (At this point Seth nearly bursts out laughing. He’s not there yet, but there are 500 more episodes to go, so maybe he will get there.)
58:37 – Jonathan thinks that entertainment and the way we digest it should be on a sliding scale. You should be able to pay what you want for things, like the new Radiohead record.
1:00:21 – Jah says there’s still a handful of UYD posters available through the Merch store on the UYD website, as well as a handful of tie-dye and prism logo t-shirts. Listeners rocked it this week with the sales.
1:01:35 – Jah got sent pictures of people burning CDs this week that they were going to hand to people.
1:02:32 – Jah circles back to his trippy diatribe about dreams. He talks about all the expressions we have within us, like when he was at the Phish show last weekend and thought about his musical life, etc. It feels like a dark time for the path that people are walking right now, while there seems to be an increase with people having more vivid dreams and communication within the inner parts of themselves. He says if they’re sitting somewhere doing Episode 3059 and realizing time is a crazy mobia strip, they will be a part of themselves back here .
1:04:35 – Seth says that UYD will be coming up on some milestones, 4 years and 200 episodes. Jah says it just comes down to doing your shit and moving on. Seth disagrees, and says that the idea of anyone taking any stock in 2012 is ridiculous. It’s a day in the life for all of us, there’s good things and bad things and we’re on an epic journey just to get through the day. It’s been that way forever and it will be forever, and it’s the best thing. Maybe aliens come and maybe they don’t, but people can just get through today. Seth says “It does what it does,” and Jah says, “Then you put a gun in your mouth.”
29:16 – Published by the Science Journal Biology letters, another very rare sexual theme – this time involving insects. Female fiddler crabs will have sex with their male neighbors in exchange for protection against other wandering male intruders. Male crabs have been observed defending female crabs in exchange for sex, protecting them in their burrows.
30:12 – Jah corrects his sexual observations of the animal kingdom from last week (Episode 190, 19:37), because oral sex has been observed in many other species but only in adolescent versions of the animal. The fruit bats are doing it as adults.
31:03 – According to a study published in the Journal of Mammalogy, black bears in Yosemite have developed a taste for minivans more than any other car model. Research has shown that minivans made up 29% of the 908 vehicles bears broke into for food between the years 2001 and 2007. It only made up 7% of the cars that visited the park. Jah thinks he knows why – because fatty slobs drive minivans and keep open packaging so their cars smell like old Doritos all the time.
45:52 – Two neuroscientists at the Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix began collaborating with magicians to study peoples’ brains while watching magic. They put headgear on the test subject to track his brainwaves and brought a magician in to do sleight of hand. The graph showed how the magician manipulated where you look and what your brain thinks you’re seeing. The subject was always constantly looking in the wrong place.
15:57 – Seth goes off on the Phoenix airport for letting two idiots steal 1,000 bags from baggage claim
35:29 – Seth slams Lil Wayne for appearing on Weezer’s new album. Jah renames him “Lil Weezer.” Then Seth slams Weezer for the name of their new album, Ratitude. Seth then rips Weezer for releasing a Weezer-branded Snuggie.
54:29 – Seth goes off on people who buy pirated movies – not because it’s a bad thing to do, but because the quality is so shitty that it doesn’t even pass as watching a movie.