View Episode 171
Originally aired 06.22.09
1:07:12
42:18 – UYD: Verbal pedophiles
59:37 – UYD: Bomb the moon
18:26 – At the CMT Music Awards, Toby Keith and T-Pain dually presented an award to Kid Rock
14:25 – “Weird Al” Yankovic has a new song out called “Craig’s List,” where he’s playing a Jim Morrison character and he’s making fun of the site.
21:57 – The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe, a red 4-wheel car with a yellow roof, outsold every car model in America last year – 457,000 of them.
41:37 – New York Magazine had a camera outside of the Ed Sullivan Theater to catch some of the reactions of David Letterman protestors opposed to his joke about Sarah Palin’s daughter. One lady said, “Keep children safe from David Letterman. He will rape them with his mouth. He is a verbal pedophile!”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
7:12 – Jah brings up the “Great UYD Debate” about being blind or deaf (Episode 136, 49:39; Episode 135, 31:29; Episode 069, 49:57; Episode 009, 54:25; Episode 005, 49:29), and Jah thinks he’s maybe come over to Seth’s side of the argument – he’d rather be deaf than blind.
4:22 – Teens all over the country have been flocking to garden stores and nurseries to buy morning glory seeds. It was a popular fad in the 60s and it’s becoming popular again. Nurseries are putting up signs saying you have to be 18 to buy them. You chew the seeds, and within 30 minutes they are known to have similar effects to LSD. Seth and Jah have never done this
2:29 – Dateline’s Las Vegas special was tough for Seth to watch, because he could tell Chris Hansen felt handcuffed because he wasn’t busting pedophiles. All the guys he confronted were telling Hansen that his show was a good thing, getting “those guys off the street.” One busted pimp told the undercover cop/prostitute: “Make your next move your best move.” Seth says there’s nothing better than Hansen turning the corner on a peed with a clipboard and transcripts. He’s saddened to realize he’s never going to get that again.
2:05 – A guy showed Seth his Arizona driver’s license photo in which he had his picture taken in 1990 and has not renewed it since. Seth flipped out.
23:12 – Jonathan’s younger brother, Ben, used to have a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe when he was a kid. Jah tried to squeeze into it at age 13 when he was stoned because he thought it would be funny.
30:06 – Seth’s gumball machine in his living room is the centerpiece of his home, an apartment he has lived in for 8 years. It was given to him from Jonathan. Seth went to a party supply store on La Cienega Blvd., bought a bag of gumballs and stole the top of their gumball machine to replace his missing one. He filled it up with gumballs 8 years ago, and they are as soft as the day he bought them.
43:07 – One of the last meat products Seth ate was In-N-Out before he became vegetarian. Jonathan reveals that he broke his vegetarianism and has been eating all kinds of fish lately. He had sushi the other day. He doesn’t know if it’s going to stick. Seth calls him a crazy fuck and says that he was going to nominate Jah as PETA’s Sexiest Vegetarians 2010, but he can’t do it anymore. Jah has a tough time explaining why he broke his 10-year streak, but the nourishment he got from the fish he knew he couldn’t get from anywhere else and felt so good afterward
50:01 – Seth is still tripping on the tuna. He can’t believe Jah’s historic revelation during the episode. Jah is on the fence about it and doesn’t know which way he will go now.
1:07 – In Arizona, when you get a license, you don’t have to renew it until you’re 65 years old
6:19 – The FDA has announced that consumers should immediately stop taking all forms of Zicam cold remedy nasal products. For many way this is a way to get zinc in your system without taking zinc losenges, but apparently spraying the zinc right in your brain can cause anosmia, or the loss of the sense of smell. Jonathan has Zicam sitting in his cupboard right now.
9:56 – Colin Firth will get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2010. Seth has no idea who Colin Firth is.
11:02 – Facebook users have doubled from last year. This year they’ve overtaken Myspace, which has lost 5% of its users. It is the No. 1 U.S. social networking site. Facebook has 70.28 million users; Myspace has 70.26 million; Twitter has 17.6 million – an increase of 2,700% from last year. Jah doesn’t think Twitter should be considered a social networking site, and he will not use it as a way of keeping in touch with people who listen to this show.
13:47 – Sean Combs uses Twitter, and on it had the quote, “When I close my eyes, I see God.”
20:08 – The secret ingredients to the new line of grilled chicken at KFC introduced in April is beef powder and rendered beef fat.
23:29 – Detroit is on some shaky ground right now. The population of the city is hovering around 900,000. There are currently no major grocery store chains in the entire city. There are only 4 Starbucks in the entire city. There may be some light at the end of the tunnel, because young people have begun moving there with the average home price at less than $12,000.
35:37 – A staff person for the Tennessee Republican Sen. Diane Black sent an e-mail out that showed portraits of all 44 U.S. presidents. The final box of President Obama just shows a black box with two wide-open white scared-looking eyes.
38:59 – New Sensations, an adult film production company, has a new film coming out – Seinfeld: A XXX Parody available June 29, 2009. “See the gang like you’ve never seen them before.” They’ve made a couple other parodies, spoofing Scrubs and The Office. James Deen, 2009 AVN Male Performer of the Year, portrays Jerry Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Krasinski in all three spoofs.
45:07 – President Obama was doing an interview at the White House on CNBC and a fly kept flying in front of him. Obama judo chops the fly out of the air and kills it, so PETA sends Obama a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.
48:21 – MTV’s Top Graduation Milestones for 2009: 5) Gay Marriage, 4) Twitter, 3) Twilight, 2) Lady Gaga, 1) Barack Obama.
52:44 – Trip Advisor has listed their World’s Top 5 Germiest Attractions: 5) Handprints and Footprints outside the Hollywood Grauman’s Chinese Theatre; 4) St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy – pigeon shit; 3) Oscar Wilde’s tomb in Paris, France – lipstick prints; 2) the Wall of Gum in Seattle, Wash.; and 1) Blarney Stone in Blarney, Ireland. Seth thinks this is all gross and can’t even get down with his mother taking communion.
58:37 – NASA is talking about bombing the moon. A rocket will go into space and release another rocket. 10 months from now kinetic energy will take that rocket full speed into the moon and bomb it, and a satellite will be following behind that, go under the surface and detect if there is any water or ice under the surface.
1:05:57 – Jonathon Keats is a 37-year-old conceptual artist. In 2003 he copyrighted his mind, claiming it was a sculpture he created, neural network by neural network, through the act of thinking. When interviewed for the project by the BBC World Service, Keats said the reason he did this was to attain “temporary immortality,” on the grounds that the copyright act would give him intellectual property rights on his mind for a period of 70 years after his death. He reasoned that, if he licensed out those rights, he'd fulfill the Cogito (“I think, therefore I am"”, paradoxically surviving himself by seven decades. In order to fund the posthumous marketing of intellectual property rights to his mind, he sold futures contracts on his brain in an IPO (Initial Public Offering) at the Modernism Gallery in San Francisco. The project was later included in Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
0:56 – Seth can’t believe it’s already June 19 and wonders where the year has gone
19:13 – UYD is getting reports back from agents in the field of Jamie Foxx showing up in people’s laundry baskets, garage door openers and the Matrix. He is you and you are he.
25:47 – Jah and Seth went to a guy named Winter’s website, who has documented his visits to 9,094 Starbucks locations internationally (8,430 in North America). Jah was familiar with basically every one Winter had visited in greater Los Angeles.
52:53 – Seth throws out a disclaimer for the 98% of UYD listeners who aren’t vegetarians for going off on Jonathan for giving it up so casually. Seth just equates it to claiming you simply jerked off a dude last week.
57:26 – Jah explains the concept of “sharking” – a fad of people in Japan, where dudes jerk off and right before they ejaculate they run up to a stranger at a bus stop and splooge in their faces.
1:00:46 – Jonathan thinks aliens live among us. He thinks here is there.
1:02:40 – Jah allows Seth to give a t-shirt update. They are being delivered tomorrow and they can start taking orders on them soon. Jah just wants to take pictures of them so he can have them up on the website. He says there’s exclusively girls’ sizes and then on up from there. Jah is super stoked about the product they have, and Seth promises that everyone who wants a T shall have a T.
1:04:48 – Seth wonders if he should try fish (not Phish). Jah thinks maybe, in certain circumstances. Jah thinks he may have to do more research on where the fish is coming from, etc.
42:30 – Zagat polled 6,100 people in a new survey of their favorite, best fast food. Best Burger went to In-N-Out (only has stores in California, Nevada, Utah and Arizona). Best Fries went to McDonald’s. Best Coffee went to 1) Starbucks, 2) Dunkin’ Donuts, 3) Peet’s and 4) McDonald’s. Best Pasta went to The Olive Garden. Best Steak went to Outback Steakhouse.
27:47 – 530,000 Starbucks coffee grinders have been recalled. They can turn on by themselves and in turn cut up the owner as they are cleaning them out. These were manufactured in China, of course.
28:33 – 1,500 Wolfgang Puck toaster ovens have been recalled because they can remain on after the toast pops up, which causes the oven to overheat and explode into flames. Where was it made? Doy hickey – the new name of China.
8:53 – Seth gives some Parade magazine Q&A. J.T. from Mesquite, Texas: “Who’s the guy with Sandra Bullock in the ads for The Proposal?” Jah can’t comprehend the amount of time wasted composing that letter and mailing it in when he could have used something called a search engine.
15:02 – Seth rips on Bruce Springsteen, who performed four hours of terrible music at Bonnaroo and kept calling it “The Bonnaroo” and saying how hot it was outside and still singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
16:43 – Seth hammers Weird Al for still doing music
34:47 – Seth decimates Andy Rooney.
44:23 and 45:55 – Seth rips on Jonathan for breaking his vegetarianism so casually. Jah is surprised that Seth is legitimately mad at him.
31:55 – Andy Rooney is 90 years old and talked to Seth this week: I don’t like to complain, but that’s what I do for a living. I was getting dressed the other morning and I got thinking about how bad shoes are. I wish our smartest people would stop reinventing our computers every 3 days and pay attention to something basic like shoes. You see people walking along the street all the time and you know darned well they’re wearing shoes that don’t fit. No one has two feet that are exactly the same either, but when you buy a pair of shoes they’re both the same. It seems wrong. I must have 20 pairs of shoes I don’t wear, but they cost so much I can’t stand to throw them out. All these shoes are either funny looking or they don’t fit. These are a size 8 ½ and my feet are a size 9 ½! How come I’m not as tall as I used to be but my feet are longer? I never understood why my shoe size is 9 ½ but my sock size is 11. You’d think short shoes would be cheaper than long shoes too. Not as much in them. But they aren’t. People with short feet are subsidizing people with long feet. Seems unfair. We had a summer camp on the lake when I was a kid, and of all the things I miss about not being young, I don’t go barefoot in the summer anymore.