View Episode 168
Originally aired 06.01.09
1:07:41 – A slow, distorted, mind-bending version
10:35 – Seth watched Good Morning America’s Best Barbeque Challenge. Dinosaur’s in Syracuse, N.Y. – a biker joint – beat out a place called Archibald’s BBQ in Northport, Ala. – an old-fashioned Southern rib shack owned by a black dude with no front teeth. This leads Seth to believe that GMA is a racist morning news magazine show.
23:05 – Seth watched a George Strait tribute concert on CBS, and to his dismay, Jamie Foxx make an appearance.
28:37 – Seth was watching a new show on A&E called Obsessed that features people who are off-the-deep-end OCD, and it makes Seth feel so much better about himself because he isn’t as bad as them.
37:20 – Seth watched 20/20 last week, which featured a summer camp for kids with Tourette’s Syndrome. He watched one scene in a cafeteria where one kid’s tic set off a chain reaction of other tics and it was a cacophony of complete madness. Jah liked the 60 Minutes feature “Twitch & Shout.”
12:42 – At last week’s meeting of the American Psychiatric Association in San Francisco, a very enthusiastic audience discussed the newest mental illness that’s sweeping the streets: PTED (Post Traumatic Embitterment Disorder) – people who feel they have been wronged by someone and they have been so wronged that they are entirely consumed with bitterness. They steep and stew in their bitterness.
25:21 – Jah says that what isn’t a good thing to do is going onto Weck’s Wiki and reading through all the Who’s Mommin’ Harder? segments they’ve gone through. The one that got him the worst was the woman who let her next-door neighbor fuck her son again for $600 (Episode 008, 30:46).
49:57 – Degree deodorant for men “protects men that take risks,” and introduces new V12 Special Edition – which features 1.4 million Armor-tech fragrance molecules in every use. There’s also Degree Girl – “protection for every OMG moment.” Jah wants to punch Seth in the face for making him read that.
57:39 – New at Toys R Us, for $19.99, is the pink Ouija board. “It has always been mysterious, it has always been mystifying, and now the Ouija board is just for you, girl. Ask the questions girls want to know the answers to. With 72 new fun questions included, you’ll never run out of fun things to ask: ‘Will I be a famous actress one day?’ ‘Who will text me next?’” Jah thinks they need to make a Ouija iPhone app, Seth wants to edit this out because it’s a million-dollar idea for them.
41:52 – Eric Clapton: “At age 64, I still haven’t made what I consider to be my best album.”
9:56 – Ben & Jerry are both gay. Ben is in a long-term relationship with David Hyde Pierce and Jerry dates David Alan Grier.
4:25 – Jah looks like an asshole in his driver’s license photo (Episode 145, 8:25); he’s leaning his head back and giving an ice-cold San Quentin stare.
24:30 – Seth got a voicemail in response to the t-shirt he saw a couple weeks back (Episode 166, 22:28), talking about another t-shirt: I HAVE A CURE FOR PMS: SHOOT THE BITCH.
58:56 – Seth never did a Ouija board, but Jah got spooked to death when he did it as a kid. He got up and left the room immediately because he was so disturbed by it.
1:02:11 – Jah’s life has been inundated by TOMS shoes, whose headquarters are in Santa Monica. Jah had just been talking to his friend Tim and a girl Meg Fowler about advertising on the show, and minutes later he rounds the corner and sees two TOMS vans there. He sees two young hipster-looking people (one guy, one girl) in one of the vans, and Jah pulls up and rolls down his window. He asks jokingly, if when he buys a pair of TOMS at Whole Foods and they’re the wrong size, do the kids in Africa get the wrong size as well? Jah gets no response from the dude, but the girl cracks up. (In the middle of the story Jah forgets why he was going to tell this story.) In the end he got $5 coupons off TOMS and talked to them about advertising with the show. Seth says he’ll be using the same joke when he goes to Whole Foods tomorrow.
3:58 – In Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia—all states that have banned smiling on license photos—there’s new high-tech software that is having issues matching separate photos if facial expressions differ. It is supposed to help identity theft. The DMV has asked in these states that people keep the pictures “dull.”
8:11 – Ben & Jerry’s has a new flavor – The Barenaked Ladies’ “If I Had A Million Flavors” – features chocolate and vanilla ice cream, chocolate-covered toffee, white chocolate chunks, peanut butter cups and chocolate-covered almonds.
14:49 – A transient was found in Mount Olympus (a gated area in Hollywood) this weekend and charged with starting a fire that charred 5 acres of land and took more than 100 firefighters to extinguish. It did not destroy any homes, however the following day, a resident in the area saw the man that matched the description. He detained the dude, and when the cops got there he claimed he was Prometheus—a figure in Greek mythology known for stealing fire from the god Zeus and giving it to the humans.
26:19 – Kanye West has a new book called Thank You and You’re Welcome, even though he has said “I’m not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph.” The book is 52 pages long and some of the pages are totally blank. Other pages have words called “Kanye-isms.” Says West, “While traveling the world random thoughts would come to me. Very poignant quotes.” One of the quotes is “I hate the word ‘hate.’”
40:10 – Danger Mouse and Sparkle Horse were supposed to put out a record this summer. Due to an ongoing dispute with the label, EMI, the album is not going to be released because of various label-oriented issues. They’re disappointed in this, and plan to release a fully-illustrated artwork-done jewel case. Within the jewel case will be a blank CDR, which will be labeled, “For legal reasons, enclosed is a CDR. It contains no music. Use it as you will.”
48:43 – Gillette has put up some instructional videos on better shaving. One is called “Go further for body shaving,” which states that “When there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.”
52:42 – When the Bureau of Prisons transfers mid- to low-level prisoners to a halfway house or another facility to house inmates, they buy them tickets and let them travel alone on Greyhound buses because it’s more cost-effective. In the last three years, 180 inmates have skipped out on their transfer.
54:58 – A new documentary about teenage girls in the U.S. claims that oral sex is the new good-night kiss.
1:01:28 – Vans made a breakdancing shoe specifically for breakers. If Seth had these shoes he might actually do the moonwalk on camera to make up for when he bitched out in Episode 100 - Part II.
3:37 – Seth’s mother is having a yard sale this weekend and Seth wishes her good luck, even though she’s selling everything for $1.
19:15 – Seth gives a summer warning for people to watch out for peeds in and around ice cream trucks. Jah wonders if anyone else has mobile lunch trucks like they do in L.A. (Korean BBQ, Taco, Vegan, etc.)
1:05:56 – Uhh Yeah Dude has been pinballing around the iTunes rankings. They escalated as high as No. 3 and then fell off the top 15; however, they were up to No. 38 this week for total downloads, which is really high — possibly the highest they’ve been.
31:06 – The National Institute of Health will spend another $2.6 million in a study that will fund Chinese prostitutes, to teach them how to drink less alcohol while having sex on the job. It’s a five-year program; they will visit more than 100 whorehouses in China, collect data on over 700 different prostitutes and there will be 150 pimps and madames involved in the study as well.
33:42 – Friend of the show Jonathan Lee Riches (Episode 083, 34:22), who is currently serving a term in the federal penitentiary in Lexington, Ky., has filed his latest lawsuit – he is filing suit against The Guinness Book of World Records, seeking an injunction to stop them from naming him as the person who has filed the most lawsuits of all time. Just prior to this lawsuit, JLR also sued Black History Month and the butter substitute I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. He claims that the Guinness Book of World Records has “no right to publish my legal masterpieces.”
35:37 – A few months ago, Seth looked up Jonathan Lee Riches’ penitentiary, got the address, got his inmate number and sent him a letter taunting him, calling him out for not suing Uhh Yeah Dude yet. He even gave him all the info he needed to listen to the show.
5:17 – Newsweek questions. Adrian Wood of Baton Rouge, La., to Larry King: “Larry, how many pairs of suspenders do you have?” Larry King: “Never counted them. But my guess would be—there are suspenders in New York, in Washington and of course in my home at Los Angeles—150. But they can’t be clip-ons. Every pair of pants I buy—jeans, anything—we sew in the suspender buttons.”
1:13 – Jah makes fun of Pier One Imports for being such a low-rent store yet managing to remain in business.
6:30 – Seth slams Larry King for getting thrown out of his son’s Little League game and not saving that energy for conducting good interviews.
21:20 – Seth hammers Marilyn Manson for releasing a new record and having the most played-out game in history and yet somehow dating Evan Rachel Wood.
42:01 – Seth rips Eric Clapton for not thinking he’s made his best album yet.