View Episode 162
Originally aired 04.21.09
1:07:25, 1:07:28, 1:07:30, 1:07:31, 1:07:34 and 1:07:37
14:10 – UYD: Distraction, comfort, sedation
7:14 – This episode of UYD is brought to you by NBC’s new show, Southland.
33:51 – A 32-year-old teacher in St. Petersburg, Fla., who teaches a “Life Choices” class that teaches students about positive relationships and self esteem, has been arrested for carrying on an inappropriate relationship with an eighth-grade boy. Her name is Christy Lynn Martin, and she and her student referred to each other as “husband and wife.” They have never had sex, only kissed, and sent nude cell phone photos to each other. Things got out of hand when she threatened him with divorce.
12:30 – The Pedisedate – a colorful toy-like headset connects to a Nintendo Game Boy, it has an attached snorkel, it goes into the child’s mouth and delivers nitris oxide into the mouth of the child. It’s designed for dentists to calm a child and distract them with video games while the drugs gradually take hold to allow for oral surgery. It’s described as “distraction, comfort and sedation.”
18:29 – Hulk Hogan, to Rolling Stone, about his estranged wife’s relationship with their son Nick’s friend: “I could have turned everything into a crime scene like O.J., cutting everybody’s throat. You live a half-mile from the 20,000 square-foot home that you can’t go to anymore. You’re driving through downtown Clearwater and you see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade. And you know that that 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed with your wife. I totally understand O.J. I get it.”
53:25 – Woody Harrelson, after assaulting a photographer at LaGuardia Airport: “I wrapped a movie called Zombieland in which I was constantly under assault by zombies. I then flew to New York still very very much in character with my daughter at the airport. I was startled by the paparazzi, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
2:40 – When it’s all said and done, Seth asks Jah who is better – Grateful Dead or Phish? Jah easily answers “The Dead.”
59:08 – Jah was asked one of those gun-to-your-head questions, pick one or the other questions the other day: Would you rather eat your mom or shoot your baby in the head? Seth would rather shoot and eat the person who asked that question … but he then said he would shoot his baby because he loves his mom. But he is sorry he forgot Marcia’s birthday. They then revisit the scenario between getting kicked in the throat or punched in the balls (Episode 069, 50:34). Jah still says he’d rather be punched in the balls because in a worst-case scenario he would rupture a testicle, in which case he’d still have the other.
56:02 – From Consumerist.com, side effects from popular legal drugs – Mirapex (restless leg syndrome) can give you hallucinations or increased gambling, sexual or other overpowering urges; Abilify (bipolar disorder) can give you trouble swallowing, coma or death; Flomax (enlarged prosted) can cause a runny nose and a decrease in semen; Veramist (treats allergy symptoms with gentle fine mist) causes glaucoma and cataracts; Advair (asthma treatment) causes asthma-related death; Acutane (acne medicine) causes depression, crying spells, sudden weakness on one side of the body and very dark urine, as well as birth defects.
21:41 – Seth reveals that he went somewhere this week and he would like to share where it was. It was an auction held by Julian’s Auctions called “The Collection of the King of Pop: Property from the Life and Career of Michael Jackson.” On Tuesday morning the auction went on view to the public. Seth was there at 9:59 a.m. and was literally the only person there and gave them a $20 spot to get in. He walked through the gates of Neverland. He could see all the albums sold memorabilia on the wall and went from room to room freaking out. They laid out Jackson’s home furnishings, including faux old school paintings that were really him when Seth got up close. There were thrones, a huge screen playing concerts, etc. Seth was basically taking his pants off in the arcade because he felt like he was being molested. In the Peter Pan Neverland room, there’s an animatronic baby that comes alive and reaches its arm out to Seth. There are go-carts, ATCs, a Simpsons electric bike, carousels, wagons, a Neverland Fire Department fire truck. Seth: “You walk into this arcade. You literally say, ‘Oh, he fucks kids!’” Seth finally understands the connection with the Neverland motif – since Peter Pan is a man who never wants to grow up, just like Jacko.
38:04 – Seth and Jah watched 20 minutes of the Sex & The City movie, and they describe it as crazy shit. Jah feels like it felt so dated even though it just came out last year.
39:47 – The day that 2 Fast 2 Furious came out, a private plane crashed into an apartment building in the Fairfax district of Los Angeles. A friend of Jonathan’s, Jessica Kaplan, was on the plane and passed away. Jah didn’t find out until the next day.
40:42 – Seth was in a Whole Foods this week. He read their little community board where people post their comments and questions. An example: Hey Whole Foods – the 3rd Street Whole Foods sells a pint of Soy Delicious for $3.49. Here it’s $3.59. Why the difference? … Why does the seafood department smell so bad?
45:02 – Seth went to his orientation at Emerson College and got hooked up with a gay dude named Nick Rodriguez because they did it alphabetically and they were right next to each other. They met at Boston Common on the first day and Nick was wearing an oversized Madonna t-shirt doing trust exercises with a homophobic Seth. Seth saw him 10 years later in L.A. and Nick rolled up on him and was like “Hey!! You look greeeaaat! You haven’t changed a biiiit!!”
47:42 – Jah retells the story about his friend Wag getting his computer back from repair and it smelling like a dude’s body odor (Episode 112, 55:31), he scrubbed it and couldn’t get the smell to go away because it was coming from inside the computer.
51:50 – A numerologist fucked Seth’s life up at Jonathan’s father’s house. John had an old homey come over while they had a party. The numerologist sat Seth down and laid it down for him. Seth sees some good things for the future of UYD.
57:02 – Jah doesn’t ever get allergies but he has them now, as well as a lot of other people.
1:00:49 – Seth was at VP Discounts (a health food store co-op) today. He pulled up on a guy who didn’t have a shirt on and was hand washing his white Ford Escort. He had a bucket as if it was his own driveway. Seth pulled up a couple spots next to him, and the dude stared at Seth so he would have to acknowledge him, and the dude was listening to Coldplay and wearing a Crank Yankers baseball hat.
1:04:08 – Somebody told Jah the other day that they still get Friendster updates and Jah had to stop for a minute and process it. Seth wonders if people still use Myspace and Jah says it’s primarily for bands. Jah compares it to arriving at a party and seeing that it’s kind of the dregs.
3:22 – Carlie Christine, 20, was fired as cheerleading coach in at Casa Robles HS in Orangevale, Calif., after cheerleaders who had been cut from the team due to many unexcused absences alerted the school and the principal that Carlie had posed nude for Playboy.com and was featured as their “Cyber Girl of the Week” during the second week of February.
8:18 – Two 11-year-old fifth-grade boys were taken into custody in Salt Lake City. They typed the word “Lesbian” into a search engine at the school library and were able to pull up pictures that somehow were not blocked by the school’s internet filter. They showed the photos to nine other boys and they have been charged with dealing material harmful to a minor.
14:18 – According to a new public health study, 8,550 American preschoolers (20% of 4-year-olds) were classified as obese
16:07 – The California Franchise Tax Board claims that Sinbad, listed as Sinbad Adkins of Oak Park, Ill., owes the state $2.5 million in taxes dating back to 2001.
44:30 – This e-mail was accidentally sent out to 28,000 students who were not accepted to UCSD: We’re thrilled you’ve been admitted to UC-San Diego and we’re showcasing our beautiful campus on Admit Day.
48:22 – In these tough economic times, the beginning of 2009 has seen an increase in both condoms and female contraceptives because people are staying at home and boning down.
49:52 – At Univ-Con, a paranormal conference that happens every year, Christopher Moon, the senior editor of a magazine called Haunted Times, was conducting at $90 apiece, telephone conversations to the dead. Frank’s Box, named after its inventor Frank Sumption, “consists of a random voltage generator which is used to tune an AM receiver. The AM receiver module gives off the raw audio and it is amplified and fed into an echo chamber, where ‘spirits’ manipulate it to form their voices. A spirit technician is then employed to decipher the various noises and fragments that are barely coherent and audible. He/she decodes this and speaks the words of the dead person you’ve contacted.”
5:38 – Seth wants to know what’s up with English people and their shitty teeth and bad dental hygiene. Jah explains that they have free public healthcare so people don’t pay for orthodontic work
11:11 – Seth isn’t sure how you establish how two 15-year-olds are in a committed relationship. From his past experience, he would look into a beautiful woman’s eyes and they would have one malted with two straws. Seth: “I don’t know what the kids do now.” Jah: “They cum on their face.”
11:40 – Seth wants to know if it’s “yard sale” or “garage sale.” Jah says “garage sale.” Seth thinks it’s “yard sale” because he didn’t grow up with a garage. Jah throws in “rummage sale” for good measure.
46:18 – Radio ads featuring plumber Mike Diamond say “we guarantee our plumber will show up on time and smell good.” Is Seth to believe that if he thumbed through the Yellow Pages and saw a plumber who didn’t demand such par excellence, will they smell like shit?
52:26 – Jah and Seth are thankful for the influx of t-shirt orders and more are soon to be in stock – both white and black. They weren’t anticipating getting swamped with orders. They thanked everyone who donated to the show as well.
1:05:59 – Jah announces that he’s going to Coachella, and he’s going to put a condom and sunblock on before he goes
36:38 – A study presented at the American College of Cardiology’s annual scientific convention in Orlando found that sudden deaths were twice as high in participants of triathlons as they were with participants of marathons.
1:00 – Jah and Seth slam the new BK commercial for the 99-cent Spongebob Squarepants kids meal featuring Sir Mix-A-Lot saying “I Like Square Butts”