View Episode 155
Originally aired 02.23.09
59:45 – Jah: “Officer Romatelli. Out.” Seth: “Seatbelts.”
17:11 – UYD: Pribibly not fresh
42:38 – Taser: Bewildered paranoiament
4:48 – Jimmy Fallon is hosting his first night as a late-night talk show host on Monday, March 2. His first guests will be Robert De Niro and Van Morrison
32:06 – Seth re-references the 20/20 episode about the Mountain Dew mouth (Episode 154, 9:36) where they pull up to a group of people trying to get rubber off tires and making black smoke. People there go into a convenience store and buy 2 Milky Ways, a Snickers, 4 bags of chips and a 40-ounce Mountain Dew. A baby is walking around in a dirty diaper in the house where they don’t have any formula, so the dad give the baby some Pepsi. They show a kid who’s a good football player and they want him to get out but he can’t. His stepbrother has a 17-year-old girlfriend with 2 kids, smoking and she found him fucking his 15-year-old stepsister in an outhouse. They have to take the 15-year-old girl to a Social Services place so she can deal with that. They’re driving down the hill to go into town, and the father is getting angry about the stereotypes of incest and saying it happens everywhere: “You know the saying – the closer the kin, the deeper in.”
36:37 – Seth talks about John Quiñones doing a study with a 92-year-old man behind the wheel. The man walks up to another dude and asks “I don’t know what kind of car I drove.” The man wants to help him find it, rather than sit him down for a second and call the nursing home he wandered out of. Another guy shows the old man how to start the car and allow him to drive it. … Then they show creepy dudes in a park trying to hang out with little girls on the playground. The people there didn’t know what to do, some went over and asked if he knew the girl. Seth thinks everyone’s first reaction should be either tackling the dude or taking a baseball bat to his knees.
49:20 – Bojangles Famous Chicken and Biscuits – founded in 1977 in Charlotte, N.C. Now over 400 locations in New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia and Florida. They serve Cajun-style chicken and fresh buttermilk. “No biscuit should ever be older than 20 minutes.” Lots of fixins – mac and cheese, green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy, dirty rice, seasoned fries and Cajun pintos. Wash it down with a delicious sweet tea.
5:42 – Burger Shots at BK
13:48 – Starbucks Via instant coffee – the company has been working on it for 20 years, and it will absolutely 100% replicate coffee. It’s their version of Sanka.
30:14 – In April, PepsiCo will release 2 new drinks with real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup – Pepsi and Mountain Dew “Throwbacks.”
16:33 – Actor Terrence Howard brushed aside Chris Brown’s attack on Rihanna this past week, saying “It’s just life man.” Howard’s ex-wife had to call 911 in 2001 for help as he drove over to their house and proceeded to beat her down
44:55 – Kanye West to Details magazine: “I got into doing beats for the video games I used to try to make. My game was very sexual. The main character was like a giant penis. It was like Mario Bros. but the ghosts were like vaginas. I’m 12 years old and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. It literally took me all night to do a program step because the penis had little feet and eyes.”
31:34 - Secret Alien Shadow Life
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
2:28 – Seth: “What is your sleep number?” Jah: “I am a 7.”
13:15 – Seth asks Jah that if had to choose either Miller Chill Lite Beer with Lime or Bud Light Lime for the rest of his life, Jah would choose Miller Chill – his desert island brew.
6:48 – Seth alludes to things not being as epic in his life as they would’ve been before “when things could reach their fullest extension…”
16:29 – Seth: “Stop sniffing cocaine and lying, everbody!”
53:11 – If Seth was a cop, he would bust Jah so fast. He is currently looking at contraband in the studio.
6:57 – Jonathan once went to a Mardi Gras in New Orleans when his father was the honorary King of Bacchus in 1995. Jah just talked with his dad the other day in lieu of talking about bodyguards in last week’s show. John reminded Jonathan that Jah had a bodyguard at Mardi Gras. The Bacchus Parade is Sunday, and all these off-duty New Orleans police officers are escorting the Larroquettes, and they’re all super nice. They mostly rolled as a pack on an amazing journey through New Orleans with the best food ever. Jah says it was the most insane thing. The night John was on the float, they all split up and there was a big dinner at the banquet hall at the end of the parade where John would dismount and the family meets up. For John it was a dream come true being from New Orleans. Jah has a personal bodyguard who is super cool. At the dinner, Jah has an odd interaction with a very busty blonde Southern belle who is a bit older than Jah and a bit intoxicated. Jah had dreds at this point and starts flirting with the woman, and it seems pretty clear to him that he’s going to get it on with this girl. They’re having an awesome time together, and Jah has this bodyguard with him. It comes to the end of the night, and Jah is trying to figure out a way to get her back to his room, but he can’t figure out how to get rid of the bodyguard. He winds up bitching out and saying good night to her. At the same time this is going on, he had contracted a crazy disease he had for a year. It’s an infancy disease called HSP (stands for Henoch-Schonlein pupura, the 3 guys who discovered it). He broke his collarbone snowboarding and in the process was given painkillers. He got strep throat and didn’t know he had it for 2 weeks, and his body wasn’t taking care of itself. It started fighting his blood system and he had it for an entire year. When he would get hot and stressed out, his joints would retain fluid and his body would attack his blood vessels, and he would break out in red blotches on his elbows and knees and the joints would seize up. He says this also happened at a Phish show, which is a different story for a different day. As he was trying to deal with this girl, it started to happen. It fell apart for Jah and he remembers getting in his room and collapsing, and his legs stopped working for an hour. In a way he was glad it happened without her there because it would’ve been super awkward had she been there.
20:15 – Seth wonders if anyone in LA owns an umbrella. He thinks he’s the only one. Monday and Tuesday it was 30 degrees out with thunderstorms, and Seth is driving to work and sees people walking down the street completely soaking wet just walking. He doesn’t understand why people won’t spend $8 to get an umbrella. He saw several people with their hands over their heads in the pouring rain.
35:51 – Seth got a voicemail from a guy who’s working on the Thailand-Burma border at a refugee camp, and Seth has Tyra on pause on his TV while listening to the message. The show is about gay teens that hate being gay while Seth is drinking a Jamba Juice and he feels guilty about not doing anything.
40:33 – Seth is amazed by Facebook. He got on Jah’s back like a piggyback while Jah went on it, and Seth was blown away. “I might be getting one of them. I’m in it to win it.”
50:15 – Seth has Jonathan read the highlighted section of a document that he hands him. It reads: “You have been scheduled for a police officer interview at the above address on 3/25/02 at 10:30 a.m.” Jah wants to know what they wanted to interview him about, but Seth says he didn’t go. He took preliminary testing – a written exam, video watching, interpersonal discussions, moral and ethical issues, IQ tests, etc. Once he passed the initial battery of tests, he was called by a sergeant from this department and they wanted to bring him downtown to discuss his going to the police academy. He declined at that point. On Friday, March 1 he went downtown before the marathon where he got a bag at this little convention and walked around grabbing free items. A guy at a cop booth asked him if he had what it takes, called Seth over and took it to him with the LAPD pitch. They signed him up and got him in there – it was a month before he got sober, so things were a little hairball. On his way down there he bought a ticket at a street carnival and bought a ticket and was on a merry-go-round, bawling by himself crying with Filipino, Guatamalan and Mexican families. Jah thinks Seth would be a good cop, and Seth agrees. Seth thinks Jah would be a bad cop because he would be corrupt. He would also get too involved with women who were wronged and give them his card so they could contact him 24 hours a day. Seth just wants to be called “Officer Romatelli” at least one time.
55:14 – Seth is like Haley Joel Osment, and he wants Jah to now call him “Officer Osment.” Jah then confirms that Haley Joel came to a The Long Lost show the other night, confirming his belief that he saw him at a prior performance (Episode 146, 50:53). Jah says Haley Joel has put on a couple of pounds and filled out a little bit.
0:48 – To celebrate Black History Month, Albright College in Reading, Pa. has put signs over different drinking fountains that read WHITE and COLORED ONLY to signify how far we’ve come, and it’s causing some disruption
2:56 – In these tough economic times, many people are going back to dial-up internet and canceling cable internet and DSL.
3:59 – Seth reads about a woman in the LA Times who bought a digital cable converter box but is having some trouble hooking it up to her 17-inch Toshiba
12:38 – After an 8-year hiatus, the original members of Limp Bizkit are reuniting for a tour and album. Jah does not believe him and thinks Seth is making this up.
14:43 – Jah references the woman who faked her own death and showed up at the funeral (Episode 151, 12:14), which relates to the story he read this week: A man is in jail facing extradition for this crime he had committed, and he explains that they’ve got the wrong guy and they’re mistaking him for his twin brother – the evil one. They show him his birth certificate at the trial, and he then explains that they were Siamese Twins separated at birth.
22:06 – The American Counseling Association claims there is no difference in marriage satisfaction between arranged marriages in India and couples in the U.S. who marry for love after courtship. Seth doesn’t believe that.
23:40 – Troy Brisport of Toledo Ohio was arrested this week. He took a woman against her own will, brought her to his house, handcuffed her wrists and ankles, gagged her and stripped her of all her clothes, put a diaper on her and then read her passages from the Bible for a total of 3 days and tried unsuccessfully to suffocate her with a pillow several times. He later fell asleep and she escaped.
30:56 – Paul Davies, an acclaimed theoretical physicist and cosmologist has been traveling the country and giving lectures about a possible alien shadow life that currently lives among us
38:50 – The Georgia State Capitol is going forward with its Annual PB&J Day on March 4 despite the national recall and scare. A spokeswoman for the Georgia Peanut Production Association says “It’s about 3 hours of the most fun you can have.”
41:50 – There was a very sad passing this week of a man who has brought Seth 20 years of laughter, joy and excitement. It was an 88-year-old nuclear physicist and aerospace engineer by the name of Jack Cover – he invented the taser.
43:46 – Wired magazine had an article about odd animal mating rituals – hippos use their tails to throw their feces all over the place to convey olifactory cues about their capable reproductive help; flatworms, because they are hemaphrodites, engage in a pseudo penis jousting battle to determine the winner, and the winner gets to be the male. (UYD does the same thing before every show, which is why Guy Cunt refused to come film them anymore)
46:56 – New poll says that 1 in 5 teens has sent a nude or partially clothed image of themselves to someone either by e-mail or mobile phone. 50% of 15-19-year-olds have sent sexually suggestive texts, which imply “an expectation to hook up.”
48:00 – Erykah Badu had a child with André 3000 named Seven Sirius. She also had a child with the rapper DOC, named Puma Rose Sabti. She also just had a child with rapper Jay Electronica named Mars Merkaba.
48:38 – Charlie Sheen told Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that he will name one of his twins Bob Ma Sheen.
54:59 – They have found a cure for the common cold, supposedly.
0:34 – Jah informs us that hiccupping is when your diaphragm goes into spasms
2:07 – The only water fountains Jah has even touched in three years are the same 2 at the park where he takes his dogs. He uses them to fill up their water bowls. Sometimes he’ll give Norman some Aquafina at home, however.
3:14 – Jah and Seth just got a knock from the other apartment for being too loud because they started so late because Jah messed up with the computer. The knocking persists at 3:29.
6:30 – Seth wonders if they’re going to Mardi Gras, but they’ve decided to go to Jazz Fest this year and Mardi Gras next year. Seth has never been to one but he hopes one day he could go. Jah has been to Mardi Gras.
18:06 – Jonathan is going to Europe for some experimental therapy (really a 3 ½ week Jogger Tour with The Long Lost), and Seth announces that Episodes 157, 158 and 159 will be brought to listeners in their entirety on time – they are “The Lost Episodes” that were recorded before Episode 001 launched. UYD will be back with a fresh episode in 160. Episode 157 will be 90 minutes long, Episode 158 will be 30 minutes long and Episode 159 will be the normal 60-minute length. Seth and Jah listened to them and think they’re very interesting.
27:02 – Seth is wondering if he is supposed to believe that, according to PepsiCo., Will.I.Am is Bob Dylan? Jah likes Will.I.Am and thinks he’s a super nice guy, but thinks that shows an immense amount of disrespect to allow yourself to be compared to someone like that.
28:53 – Seth wants to know what Andy Milonakis is up to
46:21 – Jah is a fan of 50 water (Vitamin Water), but he has a problem with Crystalline Fructose, which he thinks he has a problem with – it gasses him up
47:48 – Seth says that if we listen to closely to 157, 158 and 159, we might hear a different title for these episodes
56:10 – Seth dips back into The Lost Episodes that will be forthcoming. Seth wants the listeners to take it with a grain of salt because it’s the first three times Jah and Seth turned on microphones and just spit heat.
57:19 – UYD just celebrated their 3-year anniversary, and Jah and Seth thank listeners for sending them anniversary cards and Valentine’s Day cards.
59:00 – Seth points out that the amount of UYD downloads has been really high the last couple of weeks, which is awesome.
1:20 – Jah and Seth go off on Albright College in Reading, Pa. for having WHITE and COLORED drinking fountains. Seth: “And first of all, what are you doing at a fountain? Get an Aquafina you fucking idiot. Why don’t you take the receiver on the payphone, take your shirt off and rub it on your chest?”
6:13 – Jah: “Hey, um, everybody – stop playing World of Warcraft.”
16:50 – Seth and Jah rip Terrence Howard for defending Chris Brown and hammer Chris Brown for being an asshole and beating Rihanna
45:27 – Seth rips Kanye West and his wack haircut at the Grammys, which Jah was kind of down with. Seth thinks it’s because of the high-tops Jah was wearing at their meeting last week, which had faux fur bent over the top of the high-tops.