View Episode 142
Originally aired 11.25.08
58:54
15:32 – There was a lot of interest in Papa Murphy’s and Take ‘N’ Bake from last week’s segment. This week’s introduction is Jimmy John’s gourmet sandwiches – good old-fashioned hoagies and subs. The company is headquartered in Champaign, Illinois, and founded by J.J. Liautaud. His first shop was four sandwiches and a garage in Charleston, Illinois. In January 1983 he sold his first sandwich, and they now have over 700 stores in 35 states. Two slogans: “Subs so fast you’ll freak” and “Your mom wants you to eat at Jimmy John’s.
18:54 – The final write-in votes have been tallied in Florida for the presidential election. There were 23 votes for Jesus, 6 votes for God, 2 votes for Chuck Norris, 2 votes for George W. Bush, 2 votes for Bill Cosby and several single votes for Billy O’Reilly, May the best man win, Me, Homer Simpson, They Both Suck ’08, Tommy Chong and Weird Al Yankovic
52:53 – Jah recalls being left in a dirty hellpit of a house full of filthy white, dirty, East-side L.A. SciTi kids for the worst daycare experience ever.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
7:59 – Seth learned a new trick this week and asks Jah if he’s ever heard of it – The Land O Lakes Butter Maiden Trick. You take an exacto knife, cut out the panel that shows her with her arms outstretched, then cut the bottom where her knees are to make it where it bends up and her knees become her breasts, and they’re awesome
22:46 – Jonathan sings another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” per Seth’s request
39:19 – Jonathan hums the Jeopardy! theme because Seth requests it. Seth then quizzes Jah on the Final Jeopardy! question: It’s the year 1888. He’s the first black man to earn a vote for president at a major party convention. Jah nails the answer: “Is it Frederick Douglass?”
30:16 – Researchers at the US Department of Energy’s National Laboratory of Neuro Psycho Imaging, have concluded this week that when given the choice between viewing pics of cocaine or other images of random things, cocaine addicts prefer to look at cocaine
57:19 – Seth thinks the reason people are so violent and sadistic in America is a combination of the amazing high-end marijuana and hardcore pornography. “If you lived in Hollywood and you were to get a high end strain of medicinal marijuana and put it in your body and also have some strong joe and combine that with some of this, I guess, pornography, you’re gonna get baby cockfights.”
21:39 – Seth and Jah give another long-winded explanation for why they need to see the “Twins!”
29:16 – Jah says either people either need to take off their outdated bumper stickers right now or show him the twins. Seth says they have to give him either ass, cash or grass
25:55 – On Wednesday morning, a complete stranger walked by Seth and just said “Obama!” Seth was flabbergasted because it’s almost December, but Jonathan says it’s understandable because everyone in LA is partying hard. Seth also says he read about two people hooking up and while they were boning down the girl was moaning “Obama…”
50:28 – Seth says there are some punk kids in his neighborhood that have tagged the front of his apartment building claiming their set. He says a bunch of them sit out front and smoke blunts, and they have drawn an elaborate marijuana leaf that has all their names written by it
52:19 – Jonathan’s mom dropped him off at the worst daycare once. He said it was a nightmare; a scarring childhood experience. The worst part of it was that his mom didn’t want to leave him either but had no choice at the time. It was a hellpit of a house filled with filthy white children, dirty East LA sci-ti kids. He literally saw lice jumping off kids’ heads, the place smelled like puke and cheap dinner. “It was like where you go to get fucking killed. I didn’t think I was coming back.” Jah’s mom didn’t see what he saw, but he had a full-fledged panic attack
11:23 – Prince, a Jehovah’s Witness, weighed in on the California gay marriage issue: “God came to earth and saw people just sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever and just cleared it all out. He was like, ‘Enough!’”
23:02 – Nebraska lawmakers have given preliminary approval to a new 30-day age limit for children to be legally abandoned under the state’s safe haven law, bringing the total tally to 34 kids total
32:47 – TiVo and Domino’s have launched a new service this week – TiVo’ing your pizza order and then half an hour later hearing your doorbell ring
37:38 – Huntington, W. Va., is America’s fattest and unhealthiest city. It also holds the title of worst dental hygience, with half of the citizens over 65 having already lost their teeth. The healthiest city in America is Burlington, VT
43:40 – 38-year-old Robert Melia Jr., a cop in Moorestown, N.J., was suspended from the force after being charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Police turned up several homemade porn tapes of Robert in various sex acts with cows
46:09 – A suburban Philadelphia landlord secretly videotaped 34 female tenants over the course of two decades. Thomas Daley had installed cameras in seven apartments that he rented to women and their female roommates
49:53 – Patricia Villamarin has been paid $15 per hour to take care of kids in the Hancock Park and Larchmont areas of Los Angeles ; however she was dumping them in an unlicensed daycare in a Hollywood apartment for $5 a kid, pocketing $10 an hour and driving down to Chinatown to work her 9-5 job of selling produce. Some of the parents got wise to what was going on and the nanny got busted
0:42 – The next Friday we will see is Black Friday. Seth has already made plans to sleep over at Jonathan’s dad’s house the night before. They’ll probably hit up the American Girl store after John makes them flapjacks at 4 a.m. Seth will “hit a Circuit City like nobody’s fuckin’ business.”
1:38 – More brocabulary this week: marriagonce – the arrogance from a newly married man; pourizontal – standing or sitting so someone can pour a can of beer in your mouth; cerebro – the bro who does the thinking for you; ESPNvy – a chick’s jealousy over your love for ESPN Sportscenter; PMScalate – a woman escalating an argument because of her PMS; guynamic – the dynamic between bros; stalkward – awkwardness that arises when trying to avoid a girl who keeps calling you; guyamese twins – two bros who are inseparable; dudanym – a name only your bros call you; felladrama – drama between homies
5:39 – Jah wonders if, as the Christmas Creep has each year gotten further and further pushed back, Black Friday’s importance has been tapered
6:35 – For the first time in a long time, Seth tells us that a place where he’s not being gouged is at the pump. Jah says it feels like high school again
41:53 – Jah updates us on UYD t-shirts. He got a good idea on who needs what in preparation of online ordering
54:58 – Seth has asked for people to stop hitting kids and then he asked for them to stop getting them stoned. Now people are letting kids fight each other. Some sites: Tiny Brawlers, Toddler Fights, etc.
42:43 – A new study claims that pregnant moms should drink some alcohol only if they’re having a boy. Three years of tests show babies did better with behavior in cognitive tests when their moms drank booze
12:56 – Seth rips 24 for being back on TV. Jah saw a magazine with his face on the cover but it didn’t say Kiefer Sutherland. It just said Jack Bauer.
13:36 – Seth blasts Jason Alexander for doing a guest spot on Criminal Minds, playing a serial killer. He’s wearing a long gray wig and whispering a lot: “Hey Jason Alexander, you’re a wicked shitty actor.”
28:07 – Jonathan and Seth rip on people who have a grip of Obama stickers on their cars, and wonder how they’ll look in six years. They still regularly see people with John Kerry stickers on their cars. Jah: “I’m a slob, but that kind of stuff, I wouldn’t be caught fucking dead.” Jah also rips on the one he sees: DON’T BLAME ME. I VOTED FOR GORE.
19:27 – Jah thinks God would make a better president than Jesus, however the problem would be Jesus humbly sitting in the vice presidential seat and affecting the father-son relationship