View Episode 128
Originally aired 08.18.08
57:04
3:20 – (Who’s Living Harder/Who’s Keeping It More Real?) – A) Ken Hawkins in Ohio has been posing as an underwear researcher, saying he’s conducting market research and having people’s kids try on storebought underwear while he took copious notes to check the waistband, etc. He then gave the parents a $20 bill and went about his business; B) Barry Zephyr in Sioux Falls, S.D. came out of a local strip club, lying on a patch of grass bottomless, furiously masturbating. He was in a full boner rage, dropped his pants and began furiously jacking it
44:37 – With nary a warning, Seth opens the door to Craig’s House with this: Let’s be honest, you’re a cocksucker. You know it, your wife knows it, I know it. The thought of my throbbing hard cock is making you drool. You’re a facehole, nothing more. Stop making fucking excuses and suck this dick, asshole. Some more examples from Casual Encounters: Am open to suck on 2 black buddies as long as there is peace. … I wanna hang on your dick and tug on your titmeat while we party in the pitch dark. … Shutup while I abuse your faggot holes. Baby wanna suck his bottle? Piss on you bitch, open that dudetwat now.
12:41 – Jah wonders if Louis Gossett Jr. won an Oscar for Enemy Mine, and after Seth references the 1983 TV show V, Jah admits he used to be obsessed with that show when he was a kid
17:54 – Seth is in Whole Foods and sees paparazzi standing outside, and realizes he’s seen a grip of celebrities in there and never saw paparazzi before. Thinking that Brad Pitt is in there, he goes over by the produce and sees Lauren Conrad and Lo hanging out. He grabs a Think Thin bar, comes back and starts to applaud, saying “Monday the 18th, 10 p.m., could not be more excited.” Lo gives him the dirtiest look that hits Seth deep. LC, wearing a fedora and sundress, looks back with perfect white teeth and is loving it. Jah wonders how Seth got that and Jah got Brody Jenner three times in the same week. Seth got Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill two times at Whole Foods
22:27 – Jah got caught watching the Olympics the other night and then was informed that he was supposed to be boycotting them. Jah says he gets a little randy watching them. Late at night they’re broadcasting live on USA, which peeps Jah to some of the network’s programming, including Burn Notice, which shows the close-up of the lead character’s mouth with a beach in the background
29:30 – Last week, following the recording of UYD on Jah’s birthday, a group of friends decided to go to a nightclub called Hyde on the Sunset Strip, at the suggestion of Guy Logan. Jah shrugs off after the show because that kind of club has a panic-inducing effect on Jah, then Seth comes out with a new shirt on and everyone convinces Jah to come. Jah brought his car in case he wanted to roll out early. Jah parks, walks out, gets 20 feet from the front door of the place and sees Dimitri standing outside alone, and thinks they beat everyone there somehow. Dimitri says that Seth just went in to get Guy and realizes they’re both already inside, and that this might not go too well for him. Jah is standing awkwardly outside of the nightclub and goes up to the beautiful woman at the door, and says “I thought Greenblatt’s went out of business.” About 10 minutes into it, he hears “Fuck you then, come out here!” and an enormous dude with plucked eyebros and a superstarched giant cuffed shirt and True Religion jeans tucked into a witch’s cowboy boot gets thrown out by the bouncers. Dimitri is being patient and tries to send texts to Guy, then re-explains that Seth saw Dimitri out there. Fifteen minutes go by, and Jah decides he’s no longer comfortable standing outside of this club. He gets in his car, and Dimitri does the same. Jah peels out and makes a right, and sees Guy’s face peeking out the door, then pulls over and runs up to the door, asks the bouncer to go in and get him, but the bouncer tells him to just text him. Jah texts Dimitri to text him Guy’s number, instead gets a call from Dimitri who tries to calm him down for 25 minutes before he rolls out. The title of Jah’s birthday escapade is “Herpes and Hyde.”
55:55 – Seth dips back into the Hyde story, saying it was the best night ever, walking into an oasis of everything the Hollywood nightlife should be. Basically, it was 100 wicked hot girls standing on top of shit pumping their arms and then 100 of the biggest losers you’ve ever seen in your life doing the same thing but lower, beneath them. Seth found a $5 bill on the ground, “Oh, is that a fin?” and keeps rolling on.
7:31 – Chicago police officer Barbara Nevins was fired for demanding free Starbucks coffee at 5 different locations. When she was denied she pulled out her badge and began waving her gun around
8:27 – Roman Catholic Archdioces of Cincinnati has issued all priests a list of things not to do as far as interactions with male alter boys: no kissing, tickling, wrestling, bear hugs, etc.
10:50 – PETA is asking to rent space on the country’s US-Mexico border fence, so they can put up signs that read IF THE BORDER PATROL DOESN’T GET YOU, THE CHICKEN AND BURGERS WILL. GO VEGAN.
13:40 – Matthew McConaughey has kept the placenta from his son’s birth and plans to plant it in an orchard: “I hope it will fertilize the land. It’s going to bear wonderful fruit.”
21:08 – Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have been working on a new pill called CP154526 which stops all the euphoric effects of alcohol but will not prevent the sloppiness or the hangover. Jah: “You guys made it backwards.”
39:53 – Deputy in Dewitt County, TX, filmed with his dash cam the year’s first sighting of the Chupacabra, the Latin American Bigfoot, which attacks and drinks the blood of goats
40:30 – Blender magazine asked presidential candidates top 10 songs of all time. Obama’s #1 was “Ready Or Not” by the Fugees, and #6 was “Touch the Sky” by Kanye West. McCain’s #1 song was “Dancing Queen” by ABBA, and #3 was “Take A Chance On Me” by ABBA
51:55 – Ernest Borgnine, 91, was on Fox & Friends this morning, and was asked “How do you look so good?” Borgnine first says “I dare not tell you,” then tries to whisper to one of the hosts, “I masturbate a lot,” except the microphones pick up everything he says
1:36 – Jah outs Seth and the fact that his outgoing message tells people about the season premier of Entourage
2:17 – Seth wondered if they ever decided if “Gillette – the best a man can get” is supposed to be targeted toward a male or female. Jah thought it should have been for a man. Seth wants to say it to a dimepiece in the club
50:14 – Jah thanks listeners for the feedback about microphones, sound quality, videos, and asks for thoughts on Entourage sponsorship and that listeners will post the YouTube videos on their own sites
53:01 – Jonathan and Seth declare they will be interviewed on the Mike O’Meara Show on WJFK in Washington DC on Monday, Aug. 18 at 5:30 p.m. Seth wonders if he’ll be able to talk for 15 minutes and not drop an F-bomb
12:05 – Seth dips back into Parade magazine, this time with the Q&A section. One from Jeanette Gentry of Anderson, Indiana: “Why hasn’t Danny Glover been awarded an Oscar?”
11:12 – Jah hammers PETA for focusing their time on stupid efforts
15:08 – Seth goes off on the new X Files movie and the fact that it’s coming out 10 years after the show was on
16:18 – Seth rips on a horrible upcoming movie coming out the day before Seth’s birthday, My Best Friend’s Girl, starring Kate Hudson, Dane Cook and Jason Biggs: “Did I come up with this cast?” Jah thinks Jason Biggs died of AIDS at the young age of 37
25:50 – Jah blasts China for lying and trying to trick the world about everything
27:43 – Jah has watched so much Olympic boxing, and says the matches are the worst