View Episode 125
Originally aired 07.28.08
1:06:48
29:04 – UYD: Smell the pizza
8:47 – It’s Shark Week again (Episode 023, 10:55; Episode 075, 43:33). Jah maintains his theory that last year Shark Week took a week from Black History month, even though Shark Week is always in July, not February. … Jah plugs his friend Emily, who is one of the contestants on Project Runway. She’s made it through the first two weeks and Jah calls on UYD nation to root for her.
15:40 – This Sunday, check out The Two Coreys on A&E at 10:00, then Sunset Tan is back on E! at 10:30 p.m. Seth had a panic attack from the season 4 premiere of Criss Angel Mindfreak.
43:46 – Truman Show Delusion – afflicts white men 25-35, causes them to believe that the world is a giant docuseries about them
45:12 – Seth brings up Capgras delusion (originally mentioned in Episode 035, 45:42), where family members are mistaken for stand-in doubles
46:16 – Fregoli Delusion – one thinks various people they meet throughout their life are the same person but are done up in various disguises
52:27 – Seth dips back into Casual Encounters. Some examples: … No bugs, no drugs, just hugs … Degrade my stupid boy twat. Attack this ass and mouth. Force feed me that huge sac and remind me how worthless I am. … What’s a married man gotta do around here to get his mouth filled Can do a garage gag at lunch. Leaky boners to the front of the line. … I miss my frat. Let’s put on some porn, butt heads and get rowdy. No gay stuff, just straight bros teaching each other to jack off the right way. … Let’s hang, have a mojito, watch some drunk girl porn. Drop trou, maybe JO while we watch those horny butt sluts get slammed. No gay shit. Just pull em out and show em off. See what they do. … Knock the dust off that bro pussy. Nip play essential. Handle this.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
18:10 – Seth gives Jah the top 10 singles from this week in 1988 and Jah has to sing a chorus or line from them. Jah only knows Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine – “1-2-3;” Terrence Trent Darby – “Sign Your Name;” and Def Leppard – “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
48:16 – Someone told Jah that traveling to other places in the world is the second most important thing in forming the human brain besides tripping on LSD. Jah trickled back into his life thinking about tripping on acid because everyone his age is dipping back into stuff that they haven’t done in forever
1:01:29 – Jah dips back into Amir’s “Who Am I?” segment from his 1988 biography. This week he writes about “Most Proud”: The things I am most proud of are my music, merit awards and drawing achievements over my life. In music, I made it into the Roosevelt School orchestra in second grade and made the honor orchestra in the same year. Since then I was in The Stairway, a musical production at the Civic Auditorium, until now. My drawings I am very proud of. I have never taken a special art class except for Lincoln’s Art program. These are pictures of Spider-Man and Batman, which has to do with my comic collection. I am also proud of my comic collection, but I couldn’t include that in the report. Jah: “He’s a mysterious dude to this day.” Seth: “Why don’t you stop bragging about yourself, first of all.”
27:36 – Jah used Mitchum deodorant in high school once, and he had an allergic reaction because it clogged his pores. He claims it literally glues your pores shut
33:00 – On his way over to the studio, Jah sees a van that he’s seen before that is absolutely covered in Jesus stickers. He saw the guy that drives the van in 7-11 with his children. Jah guesses there are 1,000 bumpers stickers on it (or 300), and the man has resorted to writing his own bumper stickers in marker and duct taping it to the van. Jah writes down a few: LOOK, THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE: BUDDHA, MOHAMMED, MOSES, KRISHNA, EVEN ELVIS – THEY’RE ALL DEAD. JESUS AND JESUS ALONE DIED AND THEN RESURRECTED NEVER TO DIE AGAIN. THAT IS WHY HE ALONE CAN GIVE LIFE ETERNAL. NEO IS NOT THE ONE – JESUS IS. NATURAL LAW CAN NEITHER EXPLAIN THE ORIGINS OF LIFE OR THE UNIVERSE. HE WHO BASES HIS ATHEISM ON SECULAR PHILOSOPHY OR SCIENCE IS BUILDING HIS HOUSE ON SINKING SAND. The man had a walkman in his front pocket and was playing with the Batman food dispenser, saying “Cool!” and trying to get his kids into it.
37:54 – Jah saw a woman in a Jack LaLanne full rigout at the Santa Monica Glow event at the Pier. It was a full adult crazy woman representing, saying basically “don’t forget about Jack.”
40:24 – David Schwimmer spoke at the first AA meeting Seth ever went to, being at rock bottom and having failed pilots, etc. (Seth is kidding). In actuality, Chuck Negron of 3 Dog Night spoke at Seth’s second meeting and gave the longest, worst speech ever. He had the worst hair ever but the best beard ever, and said something like “I got laid! … I had a lot of threesomes and a lot of cocaine!” Seth wondered what was wrong about that situation. … In Seth’s first meeting, it was super late at night and a female friend of his brought him there. He said it was wicked creepy, near Fat Beats on Melrose. A gay dude corners Seth and said “At the end of meetings we move chairs. Care to help?” Seth resigned to it but the gay guy stacked chairs so Seth was in a literal rape room. The dude gave Seth a book and told him to get sober and gave him a kiss on the cheek
49:21 – The second year Jah was in boarding school, he was more of a veteran hippie who people looked at to discover drugs. Shortly before Jah got kicked out, there were a lot of psychedelic drugs on campus. A girl there who was very cute (Jah can’t remember her name) told Jah she was thinking about tripping for the first time, didn’t know if she should do mushrooms or acid. About 12 hours go by, and Jah eats a bunch of mushrooms and is having the best trip ever. He is walking to the smoking section, and sees her walking up to him in the dark. They sit down and start talking, and Jah goes into an in-depth analysis about the difference between mushrooms and acid. He said, “You definitely need to do mushrooms, because acid is more hard edged and grindier. The patterns start shifting you in different directions, while mushrooms is more of an organic hum that you can ride…” Jah looks at her and she’s not into it. He asks her if she’s cool, and she says she just ate acid like three hours ago and is tripping balls. She stood up and said she was going back to her dorm, and walked away. Later on people asked Jah what he said to her.
2:59 – Gastrosexuals are single men who have taken up cooking to impress ladies
3:55 – Starbucks has had some cutbacks, shutting down 600 stores. On Starbucks.com you can see a list of all the stores that have closed. Girl being interviewed in NYC: “We’re devastated.”
7:09 – National Sleep Foundation reporting an alarming new development for our mothers – Caffeinated Moms. A mom’s responsibilities have increased so much that they’re forced to consume a lot of coffee and sodas to stay on their game, and they’re sleep deprived
13:45 – Matthew McConaughey to OK Magazine, talking about his child Levi’s birth: “We were jamming. We were sweating. We got tribal on it. We danced to it. I was DJing this Brazilian music. Having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing. I said ‘Come here little man.’ I saw the penis and I screamed that we’d been right all along about him being a boy.”
23:21 – J Dragon, a tattoo and body piercing shop in Chicago, has done it again. Last year a man got a tat there that said CHI-TONW. Now a man is suing the shop after getting a memorial tattoo for a late friend that was supposed to read TOMORROW NEVER PROMISED TODAY. Except the tattoo reads TOMMORROW. Artist claims he wrote it exactly as it was written on the slip of paper.
25:06 – A new domain extension is now available, .me, which has caused godaddy.com some problems. Nine different people claim to have bought the same one, aweso.me.
29:08 – A new service called Slydial lets you connect with another person’s voicemail, bypassing the ringing process and eradicating the chance of them picking up on you. They receive a vm notification and a missed call. Call 267-SLYDIAL
38:34 – According to the CDC, the most unhealthy and obese states are found in the South. Mississippi is No. 1, preceded by 5) West Virginia, 4) Louisiana, 3) Tennessee, and 2) Alabama
0:33 – UYD follows up on the cameras in the studio and tells us there will be a few clips up on the Myspace page and on YouTube. They are indeed filming again tonight
26:40 – At this point in the show Jah saw two of the cameramen look at each other and acknowledged that his pits were crazy fuego right now. He asks for a super close-up on the pits. He claims that because he’s a hippie he wears crazy deodorant that doesn’t prevent perspiration, it just perpetuates the sweat
31:43 – UYD got a message from a female busdriver in Pittsburgh, PA, and she doesn’t think she’s the target audience but she loves it just the same
56:23 – Jah has a theory that before the Depression in the 20s, dudes would jerk off a much more classy way, but then in the Depression it became a more angry and fevered “Soup Kitchen Jerk”
39:27 – Report in upcoming issue of Medical Journal, “Alcoholism: the Clinical and Experimental Research,” a professor from Vanderbilt has discovered that both coffee and cigarette consumption is very popular among AA attendees
8:48 – Seth and Jah hammer Shark Week
10:44 – Seth rips The Two Coreys, specifically how Corey Feldman’s wife is in the latest Playboy. Seth also hammers the name of the Feldmans’ child, “Zen Feldman.” Seth then blasts Feldman for being in PETA and wearing leather jackets
16:15 – Seth absolutely demolishes Criss Angel for his new season premiere, how he wears Affliction hoodies and has a full beard and iced out hands that force him to drop playing cards. One of the guys in the crowd: “That’s a mindf---.” (bleep)