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Don't sleep on Take N' Bake

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View Episode 121

Category:Episodes

Originally aired 06.14.08

Seatbelts

1:00:32

UYD Slogans

23:55 – UYD: Unzip, explode, go

52:11 – UYD: 2006 for fuckin life

TV Picks

29:19 – New, on TruTV, Monday nights at 8 p.m., Party Heat: Bayou Blast Part I and II follows the Louisiana Wildlife and Fish agents as they hand out BWIs to hundreds of drunk girls in bikinis (being crazy loud) and obnoxious dudes. Next week they’re going to Lake Havasu. … Jah’s staple pick is the new season of America’s Best Dance Crew.

Energy Drinks

5:42 – Seth washes his weed down with some Anti-Energy Drank straight from Houston. Jah: “That tastes like slightly bubbly poorly made grape Kool-Aid.”

16:52 – Seth ponders what would happen if Jah use Drank instead of milk for cereal, and Jah says he would puke before anything else happened: “I dun drank the drunk and it’s grosso.”

48:31 – Jah is drinking Orangina, not Drank, b/c Drank is gross

Seth's Ailments

44:49 – Recession Depression: Jah is down in the dumps about the cutbacks that the country is going through. Causes emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and psychological damage

Craig's List

18:05 – Jah asks if Seth has a Craig’s List, b/c Jah has one too. Seth has one that involves Jah. Seth goes first: I’m looking for 2 dudes who will milk me whilst pretending to be the super hot podcasters of Uhh Yeah Dude fame. Also, if you’re into it, I have seatbelts we can tie each other up with. No fags. Seth doesn’t know who posted it but Jah loves it. Jah reads one that Laura found: Charming barista from Starbucks – where did you go? We used to eyefuck the shit out of each other every time I would order my venti iced caramel macchiato with soy milk. I haven’t seen you in a week. Where have you been? I need to be inside you before I move away. Let me in! Seth cracks up b/c it definitely is Jah

21:32 – Seth dips back in: Just 2 clean cut married men getting together when we can. Let’s wear our wives’ panties. I’ll give you head while you sniff my wife’s dirty underwear. My bushy stache looks amazing around a dick – try it. … Wife leaves for work at 6:30. I don’t leave till 8. Figure it out. Cop dick gets top priority. … Going to a show at the Wiltern with my wife. You can meet me in the men’s bathroom for a quick 420 and tug. Get at me. … Hey bros, my wife is on a business trip. Come and join an impromptu group at my house. Hosting a discreet get together for discerning adults. Around 6 guys – that’s 12 balls. Looking for hot cocks and hot cocks only. … Wife: In DC for June. Me: Watching pussy porn on the couch. You: Walking through an unlocked door into my living room, shooting a load onto my face and then leaving. … Married father of 3 needs to service a hard cock this week. If you can promise to be quiet in my garage (wife and kids asleep till 8) I can meet you there for a quick suck. Unzip, explode, go. … Married in Los Feliz. Had a guy friend convince me gay men suck cock better than women. How’d he convince me? Figure it out. … Fuck discretion, my marriage is over. Send a dick pic. If I approve you have permission to swing your pipe by my work whenever you can. Maybe we roleplay. You’re making a delivery, you need directions to your next stop. I turn on my computer – whoa! All that comes up is she-male porn. We sit in our chairs and cumrace to Thai ladyboys. … I got a dick and balls – do you? Fully devoted to my wife so must be discreet. All races of dick considered. No grandpas though – sorry grandpas.

Product of the Week

39:39 – P’Zone is back for good at Pizza Hut – over 1 pound of pizza goodness. Big enough to share, but so good you won’t want to

Band Names

42:41 - Terrorist Fist Jab

Ins and Outs

48:03 – OUT: Cigarettes. IN: Dipping

Drug Use

3:36 – Through a crazy sequence of events, Seth has gotten a strain of medicinal marijuana named after him – “Seth’s Sexy Sativa.” Jah has gotten ahold of some, and puts it in a bowl and smokes it live on UYD. Now that Jah is no longer a sober man, he feels justified to do it. Seth stands on the other side of the room with the fan on so he doesn’t come in contact with it

8:43 – Jah starts to feel some of the effects of the sexy sativa.

11:46 – Seth tells Jah to take another hit, but Jah says no b/c he still has to maintain a hard drive and index cards

11:59 – Seth asked to stop giving babies pot, but was on VidMax website and watched a baby get smacked. Seth now encourages people to smoke out the baby instead of smacking it

56:30 – Seth asks Jah how he feels, and Jah says stoned. He says it’s totally crazy doing it whilst doing the show

Amir's Who Am I

28:00 – Jah brings back the “Who Am I?” segment about Amir. This week he reads the passage entitled “My Father”: All my life I have admired my father. He has made good money and supported my family. He is an architect and an owner of AGI Marble Company. I hope to become an architect and follow in his footsteps. He comes home at about 6:00 to 7:30. He’s very good at math and helps every night. He’s on a diet now and enjoying it. The diet sometimes makes him cranky but I can live with it. He always complains that I watch TV too much but he watches it a lot too. He owes me $250 and still hasn’t paid me back. I love my father. Both Jonathan and Seth erupt in laughter after the reading of this. And Jah confirms that Amir watches too much TV, as does Seth.

Show Me The Twins

48:10 – Jah goes back to the tweeeeins singing montage

UYD Stories

33:08 – Jah reflects on how crazy it is that his cell phone is out in the world and people are hitting him up with texts at 3:30 a.m. One dude texted him the other day about summer shoes and Jah recommended some vegan Vans

UYD News

6:58 – Top 10 most commonly used online passwords according to PC Magazine: 10) First name; 9) blink182; 8) password1; 9) myspace1; 6) monkey; 5) letmein; 4) abc123; 3) qwerty; 2) 123456; 1) password

9:03 – Friday June 20th is Take Your Dog to Work Day. 17% of Americans say their company is already dog-friendly. 5% of Americans are allergic to dogs

10:51 – The 100 thing challenge is an online blog that challenges people to downsize their lives to 100 items. “SHED it”: S – Separate the treasures, H – Heave the trash, E – Embrace your identity from within, D – Drive

16:30 – Lucky Charms is adding a new charm, an hourglass

35:38 – Study of lemon wedges placed in ice water at several east coast Applebee’s restaurants and Chili’s showed 1/3 of them contained bacteria including fecal matter and e coli

36:23 – Ritz Carlton – Miami Beach has a tanning butler. Started on the hotel’s opening day, Jan. 1, 2004. Dude makes $30/hour and roams around the pool area providing Evian mist spray, is armed with lotion holsters on his hip to spray and rub people down

38:34 – To celebrate IHOP’s 50th birthday this July, they will unveil 9 new pancakes this summer

52:22 – Guy that caught Ken Griffey Jr’s 600th HR was named “Joe.” He brought a glove to the games, got into the scrum, but brought in another baseball so when he was at the bottom of the pile he tossed it as a decoy and walked out with the real one

53:00 – Dude gets Jonathan Papelbon’s attention in the bullpen, hands him photographs – nude pictures of dude’s ex-wife. Entire bullpen signs a baseball for him to say thanks

Extra Notes

0:54 – Seth reminds everyone that this is the final show before sabattical – a well-deserved one-week break – UYD will be back better than ever the week of June 30

2:05 – This episode is a special dedication to the troops, especially Timothy Pegram in Afghanistan. Seth: “When you find Osama, we’ll get you the UYD shirt in early July, you’ll videotape it, make him say ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’”

8:17 – Seth and Jonathan decide that they can’t get married on Tuesday after all b/c Jah is so straight that they wouldn’t believe it – unlike Seth

13:18 – Seth admits he has never owned a pair of flip flops. He has also never gone on a blind date

20:48 – Laura was the first person to send UYD photos of her and her husband when they were kids – in their soccer uniforms at age 11

26:37 – Jah’s friend Amir got to play guitar on The Tonight Show on June 11, back up for Priscilla Ahn

Rants and Raves

6:17 – Seth rips on the hyper miler dudes who ask about MPGs

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