View Episode 120
Originally aired 06.09.08
1:01:36
33:55 – The Anti-Energy Drank has hit the market. As it says on the can, SLOW YOUR ROLL and SIPPIN’ SUM DRANK. Basically legal sizzurp. It’s a carbonated grape beverage with melatonin, velerium root and rose hips.
40:31 – Jah and Seth reference Rockstar and Monster energy drinks
19:09 – Seth dips into Casual Encounters for married dudes looking for other married dudes: All dressed up and no one to blow. Wife gone, looking for married dick on the real. I have videos of me and my wife fucking if that turns you on. Ball gagging a must. No sissies please. (Jah: “Could you imagine if she came in, was like, ‘What are you doing?’ and then on the Sharp Aquos is you?) … Lakers! Let’s kick back, watch the finals, drain bone. Got milk? … I only suck married wood, just like my wife. Bodybuilder cock to the front of the line. … Married dude looking for vibed-out bro to stretch and drink juice. Maybe get naked and mess around, see where it goes. Strictly normal. Maybe you make me your personal cocksucker. Service with a smile. … Married guy just needs some bro time. Why are guys such dicks to each other. Come on, let’s show some respect. Isn’t it about time – time to tap this virgin ass. Check me. … First and foremost I need a gym partner, preferably a rat who loves the burn so it doesn’t look odd to our wives that we always meet up to “pump.” This way we can have easy excuses to “get away.” My promise? You will not be able to deny this Mexican ass-pussy. (Seth: “Would you rather have a boy cunt or an ass pussy?” Jah: “I would rather have a boy cunt.” Seth: “For real?” Jah: “In. A. Heartbeat.”
6:09 – Kmart has a new line of abstinence sweatpants that say TRUE LOVE WAITS right next to the drawstring. The sales pitch is “Whether she’s lounging around the house, going to practice or doing her chores, these athletic pants boldly proclaim just where she stands.”
29:49 – Daddy dolls are inflatable dolls with a picture of uniformed daddy on it with a personalized voice recording built in. This is replacing the flat daddy trend (Episode 030, 20:31)
29:10 – OUT: Flat daddies. IN: Daddy dolls
31:38 – OUT: Fortune cookies. IN: Dichos
16:50 – A different kind of club drug – bodybuilders are applying Preparation H all over their body to keep swelling down and have a more lean look
23:16 – “The Patch.” A fentanyl patch, an opiate analjesic several times stronger for morphine – intended for people with a debilitating pain and a high tolerance for morphine. Measured in micrograms because of its strength.
36:59 – The “Who Am I?” segment returns about Amir. This week Jah reads the entry where Amir wrote a Dear Abby letter asking for advice about getting a drum set: Dear Abby, I really want a drum set. I have tried everything to convince them to buy me this drum set. At family gatherings I bring up the subject and everybody else thinks I should get a drum set. Finally he said if I get a good grade in my Axelerated Math class I could get a drum set. I got a C, but still stayed in an accelerated class. Where should I go from here? – Amir Yagmai The response: Dear Amir, It’s just a matter of time. Be patient. Try to get a good grade this semester and maybe your father will buy you that drum set. If it doesn’t work out, maybe you just weren’t meant to have a drum set. – Abby Jah says Amir’s signature in 1988 is identical to his current-day signature
Crazy Things Dudes Say While Boning Down
52:34 – More crazy things dudes have said whilst boning down. Guy and a girl were in a casual sex relationship, the girl was falling asleep and he asked her to suck him before she went to bed, she said no half asleep, then realizes he has pulled a knife from between his mattress and box spring and is holding it up to her tit. She got up, got dressed and left. Jah thinks the dude had half boner rage and half rape fantasy
2:36 – It had been too long, so Jah went in and got a physical. Jah received a rectal exam from a male doctor who wanted to ask Jah the best way for him to learn how to play guitar. Jah told him about free guitar lessons on YouTube as his butt is being dug into, saying “it’s way easier than piano.” He had Jah turn and face the wall in the fetal position – the most vulnerable thing he’s ever felt in his whole life. The doctor dug around for a while, then went over and did paperwork for a few minutes while Jah just laid there with butthole open and lubricant in his area. When he looked over his shoulder at the doctor the doctor said, “Oh, I’m done.”
7:17 – Dude tells Seth about his experience with a bad pickup line segment. He was in Boston during the Boston Marathon, standing at a crosswalk where two attractive young girls are behind him. Another dude rolls up and says “Hey, what’s going on here today?” The girls go, “Uhh, the marathon.” Dude: “Cool,” then backs away.
9:40 – Jah recommends possibly listening to Episode 066 when Episode 122 would have regularly appeared. He spoke with a friend of his who was listening to old shows, the friend called him and told him 66 was the best. When Jah got in his car today he plugged in his iPod and it started playing the first thing on the iPod, which happened to be Episode 066. Jah agrees it was a good episode
14:39 – UYD was told about a casual encounter of a different sort – two complete strangers in Brooklyn met randomly at a bar, the dude was throwing out some UYD references, the girl picked up on it and said “UYD for life.” They locked eyes and joined forces for a one-night stand. Both parties separately contacted Jonathan to recount the story. Jah is thrilled, beside himself and jealous for these two people. Jah thinks the evening warrants a revisit at some point. “However, just for the sake of clarity, his name is actually Giovanni, it’s not Giuseppi.”
17:12 – Seth references his old doctor, Christopher Flynn at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank, who fingered his butthole when his appendix burst (originally mentioned in Episode 049, 11:24). Seth recommends that he gets him and Jah gets his doctor and they all get together for a party
39:22 – Amir kicked Jah out of his house yesterday. He had been crashing there since his separation
45:30 – Seth is genuinely pissed off because the government took his stimulus check and applied it to the $10,000 owed to the Screen Actors Guild. Seth did a commercial approximately 10 years ago for Kellogg’s Raisin Bran Crunch. During the callback he was so hung over that he had the shakes. Seth sat down, and the start of it was to start eating the cereal. He was going to die so he buried his head in a plastic bowl and ate two heaping piles of it with his crazy hair and denim jeans. He didn’t say anything so they thought he was British. He was paid as if it was a commercial airing on network TV (lot of money) even though it only ran on cable (normally less money). At the end of Seth’s spending spree where he bought a Simmons Beautyrest, the SAG told him he owed them $7,500. It was about 2 days before Christmas and a woman at SAG was holding him as he was crying. Jah remembers it being a fucking disaster
1:31 – Yahoo Health’s unhealthiest drink in America – Baskin Robbins’s Heath Bar shake (32 oz., 2,310 calories, 108 grams of fat, 266 grams of sugar – total of 73 separate ingredients). Jah: “If I wasn’t a vegan, I would definitely indulge in one of those right now.”
12:10 – National Retail Federation expects consumers to reduce spending on Father’s Day this year from $98.34 to $94.54. Seth brings up the fact that more collect calls are made on Father’s Day, originally mentioned in Episode 013, 41:21.
26:15 – Seth references the freeway service patrol where they will give you a free gallon of gas to get you off the freeway (originally mentioned in Episode 012, 50:05). Dude in Sacramento was pulled over on the freeway scamming people to get free gas. Same guy that helped him in the morning pulled over in the afternoon to catch him. In Venezuela, gas is 19 cents a gallon
28:30 – Washington-based religious group “Pray at the Pump” prays around gas stations to lower gas prices. They have led offshoots in San Francisco and Oakland, they believe the gas prices are the sign of the apocalypse. Since they have started gas has gone up 43 cents
0:45 – Since the Boston Celtics are playing the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, Seth and Jonathan have a wager going – if the Lakers win, Seth has to give Jah a Boston Crème Pie, and if the Celtics win, Jah has to give Seth sushi
9:11 – Seth reminds the listeners that Episode 122 will be put on hold for a week as Jah goes to Spain
11:56 – Jah doesn’t like it when people say “ladies and germs…”
14:05 – Jah was talking to high school senior David from Wisconsin about girl troubles. He wanted to ask a girl out, they sent some texts back and forth. It’s been backburnered for the time being but he expects an update in the next few weeks
59:55 – Jah still can’t wrap his head around the show and how people listen to it and support it. It makes him so happy, along with the texting and calling. He encourages people to write reviews for the show on iTunes. Seth: “In February of ’06, Jonathan drove over here, sat in the same seat he was sitting it, smoked the same type of cigarette (not true – Jah is switching from Parliaments to American Spirits, which take 45 minutes to smoke), and we did Episode 001 of Uhh Yeah Dude. It’s now June of ’08 and we’re doing Episode 120.”
10:29 – Seth rips on Usher for having wack cologne
27:18 – Jonathan rips on the dude whose shitty life is so shitty that the chunk of his day commuting is worth a gallon of gas: “What’s up Mad Max? Your life sucks, dude!”
30:04 – Seth and Jah hammer the Daddy Dolls, which is the new version of flat daddy. Seth: “Hey kid, where’s flat daddy?” He was replaced by daddy doll. Why not just replace him with real dad?!” … “Why are they always in camo!? Everything’s in camo!”
41:09 – Seth has been seeing young women in the L.A. area wearing tunics, but blasts the dudes who have been wearing them. “Unless you’re Prince or Jason Lewis you can’t pull off a tunic!”
55:48 – Seth rips on Coldplay for dressing like futuristic homeless people