View Episode 110
Originally aired 03.31.08
1:03:28
4:25 – The CW is planning a spinoff of Beverly Hills 90210
6:24 – As we speak, the JabbaWockeez robbed Status Quo of the victory because Status Quo are an African American group, according to Seth.
58:01 – Arbella Ewing, the second-oldest American, passed away. Edna Parker, who will be 115 on Sunday, April 20, is still No. 1. No. 2 is Maria DeJesus from Portugal. The new No. 3 is Gertrude Baines, who will turn 114 on April 6. She lives at the Western Convalescent Home in Los Angeles. Seth thinks it would be appropriate if UYD could visit her and celebrate her birthday together. Jah imagines that it possibly could happen
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
15:14 – Jah has to name 5 animals that exist off the top of his head: hyena, canary, polar bear, monkey and zebra
39:00 – Jah recollects this segment and the phase of his life where he was on a lot of drugs and involved with Rastafarianism with dredlocks
Crazy Things Dudes Say While Boning Down
33:31 – Jah reads real-life quotes from girls UYD knows that have been said to them by dudes while boning down: “Oh my god, this is awesome. I can feel your warm guts;” “You ever been with a Mexican with a big dick like this before?” (and the dude had a tiny prick); “Scoot down. I like to look at my own balls” (dude was sitting naked in a chair while receiving oral sex with feet up but needed a visual connection); “(whispering) You wanna get fucked where you make brownies?”
3:26 – Back in the day of dial-up porn on the internet, it was the only time Amir would practice playing guitar. He would click to download a picture and then start playing until it finally downloaded
11:07 – One of the greatest live performances Jah has ever seen in his life was watching Buckethead perform at the Troubador with a band called Praxis. The incredibly tall Buckethead was bodylocking while performing some of the most ferocious electric guitar Jah had ever seen. He also had a life-size human torso that was disemboweled sitting on a stand next to him
19:20 – Jah saw James Worthy in a Starbucks, but was on the phone when Worthy walked by in a full suit. Jah looked at him in his face, but said “That’s James Worthy” into the phone loud enough to where Worthy turned and looked at him. Worthy nodded and jumped in his 7 Series
39:50 – Jah talks about a 24-hour span where the period of his life of Rastafarianism, Deadheadism and Blues Travelerism came to a tipping point, as he was being protected by Jah in order to write his first book, which would liberate thousands—possibly millions—of white men and women from the chains of Babylon. He was 16 years old in 1994, and Blues Traveler was in town for two nights, and Jah had tickets for both nights. His weed dealing was at a point where he was smoking more than he was able to produce and buy. He goes to the show in Hollywood at the Palace and brings a few friends. A lot of hash and weed are being smoked, they’re on the way back from the show driving on the PCH back to Malibu. He’s hauling ass at 3 a.m. on the PCH, car is full of smelly dudes and a gang of weed. All of a sudden he gets hit with a warm shock in his chest, and some kind of voice in his head tells him Slow down. He screeches down to 50 mph and around a blind corner 5 seconds later a cop car comes from the opposite direction. Everyone in the car is going nuts, and Jah gives thanks to Jah. He speeds back up, and 5 minutes goes by, and he gets another surge in his chest telling him Slow down. Another cop passes by and people in the car are screaming “How the fuck did you know that?!!” and he starts screaming “Rastafari!!” He has to be at school the next morning (Concord HS in Santa Monica) after 3 hours of sleep, and gets into his GMC Yukon. In the console he has a secret compartment full of weed and money. Wedged between the seat and the console is a glass bong, so he can hit it at red lights. He’s driving with Blues Traveler playing on his bumping system, and he’s playing harmonica at the same time, steering with his knees. This morning he woke up feeling blessed and protected that nothing could stop him. On the way to school, going 80 mph in the opposite direction, a cop comes down, Jah has no idea he’s there, clocks him and U turns. Jah looks in his rear view and thinks it’s going to be fine. He rolls down the window and says “You got me, I’m late for school,” and gives him the license. Cop has Jah get out of the car and puts his hands in his pockets and pulls out a fat sack of weed. He cuffs Jah, goes into his car, gets all the bags of weed and the $2,000 of drug money. He gets put in the back of the car and driven to the sheriff’s station, Jah is crying and begging the cop to give him his harmonica back so he can play it in the back of the car. Mr. Larroquette bails him out of jail, but Jah says he can’t explain the utter disappointment from him. The next night, he was taking his friend Abby to the show, but his dad told him he wasn’t going anywhere. Jah tells Abby he got arrested and gives her the tickets. Jah eats ecstacy that night, and at 2:30 a.m. he sneaks out of his house barefoot and runs through a muddy field and jumps a fence to see her when she gets back from the show to make sweet love to her. She’s not there when he gets there, but he’s X-ing his balls off. He sneaks into the house and gets into her room, and he puts on a Phish record and sits Indian-style with muddy feet on her black satin sheets. He thought that would be his fresh game. She walks in, and followed behind her is a 23-year-old dude that she had taken to the show. Jah says “Heeeey!” and tries to play it off like he wanted to kick it. He gives them the hit of ecstacy, they took it and made love and stayed together forever. Jah’s life as a Rastafarian prophet was over forever. … There was a National Enquirer blurb written about it, but they couldn’t print Jah’s name but did reference John Larroquette’s son, and it listed the amount of money and everything. Seth couldn’t get a back issue because the anthrax scare had messed up the Enquirer building in Florida
0:45 – Northstar Media of Toronto has bought rights to 21 IMAX movies to be shown on mobile phones
2:02 – Seth finds an article from a February 1995 Newsweek titled “The Internet – Bah!” by Clifford Stoll … “I’m uneasy about this most trendy and oversold community. I say baloney.”
10:13 – Dr Pepper will give every person in America a free can of soda if Axl Rose will release Chinese Democracy in 2008 – he’s been working on it for 10 years
12:50 – Adolfus August Busch V, 17, was arrested at a party in Illinois for underage drinking. He was drinking Natural Light beer, the cheapest, worst-tasting beer on the market – however, it is an Anheuser-Busch product
16:39 – Tuesday’s Mavericks-Clippers basketball game was shown live in 3D at Mark Cuban’s Landmark Theater in Dallas, made using James Cameron’s 3D cameras (originally mentioned in Episode 52)
17:24 – Robin Williams and his wife Marsha are getting divorced. Seth feels bad for her for having to be married to him for 19 years. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are getting married
22:08 – The Advocate reports a story about a man in Oregon named Thomas Beatie, who was born a woman but is now transgendered and legally male and living with his wife Nancy. He had his breasts removed and takes testosterone, but chose to keep his female reproductive organs. His wife cannot carry a child, so they have chosen to artificially inseminate him, and he is set to give birth on July 3. He also has a 5 o’clock shadow and a bump
31:51 – Seth recalls Anderson Cooper interviewing Kenny Chesney and how they were ready to bone down. On Sunday night Cooper interviewed David Beckham, but Cooper was more attracted to Beckham than he was to Chesney, except Beckham wasn’t receptive to it
4:25 – Seth’s dream of appearing on an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 could technically come true because the CW is planning a spin-off of the show
6:24 – Seth says the dance crew Status Quo was robbed in America’s Next Best Dance Crew because they’re African American because MTV is a racist network. Jah called the Jabberwalkies winning it from Day 1, and is happy
8:32 – Voicemail callers have requested Amir to appear as a studio guest
9:27 – Seth gives a shout-out to Patrick and Adrian in Arlington, TX. Jah thanks Patrick for busting UYD’s balls about not being involved with the Myspace page in so long
54:28 – Seth gets a call from Weck asking him to look on Jah’s dad’s IMDB page at the trivia section: Has a son who was a fan of 90s group Fishbone. Jah: “I loved Fishbone.” He explains that it came out because his dad was on Arsenio wearing a polo shirt with the Fishbone logo on it, saying they listened to the same music even though he’s getting older. Also on the page: Liked playing Super Mario Land on Game Boy between takes on Night Court. … Likes ScharffenBerger’s gourmet chocolate, etc.
1:01:29 – Jah apologizes for uploading Episode 109 on Tuesday, and appreciates people texting him and asking him where it was
1:02:14 – Seth says he’d like to get UYD back up in the top 10 of 3,000 comedy podcasts on Podcast Alley, although they’re currently down to No. 22. Podcast Alley was the first thing Jah came across and thought it was the only thing you could go through to get them
27:15 – Seth slams Andy Rooney for his incoherent ramblings on national TV: “I would rather watch 6-year-olds reviewing X-rated movies than this fucking guy.”
26:29 – Seth impersonates Andy Rooney talking about a great friend he grew up with who “didn’t know how to tie his shoelaces,” and a friend who makes toast