View Episode 099
Originally aired 01.12.08
1:07:28
32:17 – UYD: The Alice In Chains of podcasts
33:22 – UYD: Act up
15:12 – Budweiser and Clamato have teamed up – Chelada now available at 7-11s
33:27 – Police called to a home in Port St. Lucie b/c a man and his stepfather were fighting – 6-year-old daughter had loaded gun under her pillow, man said he lets her sleep with it because he “watches way too much CNN;” couple from Chicago in Florida watch their home in Chicago burn down
28:07 – Taser MPH (Music Play Holster) – holds 500 songs and costs $80. Tom Smith, co-founder and chairman of Taser International, Inc., showed it at the International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week
4:54 – Golf Channel anchor Kelly Tillman during opening day of PGA’s opening event in Hawaii: “Today’s young players should lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley.” (Seth: “That’s color commentary.”)
2:57 - Mondale Ferarri
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
17:20 – Jah impersonates Sean Connery announcing Queen Latifah as Best Supporting Actress
46:38 – Real/fake new Valentine’s Day 2008 messages on Necco heart-shaped candies. Jah nails all six that Seth throws at him. This is the first game that Jonathan has ever aced in UYD history. Seth is flabbergasted
1:15 – Two hours after uploading Episode 98, Jonathan gets a text message that reads GOLDEN CUM ASS, PS I FUCKED YOU, CHARLIE WILSON’S WHORE, 1 MISSED CALLGIRL 18, JEW HO, COCKED HARD: THE DO ME COCKS STORY
7:59 – Jonathan walked into his local Starbucks, said to his barista, John, that the smell from the cleaning products used on the new panini makers was wack, he was told that the smell was a problem and now to combat the smell they’re getting new espresso machines with giant vents on the front to push out more aroma to overwhelm the stench
39:35 – Jah reveals that Blaise was the name of the kid he was babysitting when he made all those phone sex calls he talked about in Episodes 37 and 90
43:19 – Seth is at Hugo’s minding his own business, getting two bowls of soy chorizo honey chipotle, extra guac, extra sour cream, some dude rolls up in a Porsche and yells “Hey! Cowboys gonna lose on Sunday!” Seth just looks back and says “Really?” Dude: “Your boy T.O. ain’t playin’!” Then he peels out against traffic before Seth could think of a witty response
2:30 – District representative from northern California – Mondale Ferraro
5:39 – McDonald’s launching coffee bars with baristas in nearly all their 14,000 locations
9:19 – Democratic presidential hopeful Mike Gravel speaking to a group of high school students in New Hampshire: “Alcohol is a heck of a lot worse than marijuana, and I’m sure a lot of you have tripped out on alcohol. Well it’s a lot safer to do it on marijuana. Marijuana is not addictive and you should be able to buy it in package stores.”
10:59 – Convicted kidnapper and child molester at a federal penitentiary in California dies after choking on a hot dog
17:44 – Joaquin Phoenix spells his own name wrong backstage at the People’s Choice Awards when he wrote his thank-you speech on placards: HI, I’M JOAQIN.
19:01 – Guess who wins “Funniest Male Actor” for the second year in a row? Robin Williams for License to Wed
22:29 – New drunk driving champion: Oregon woman Terri Comer beats previous high of .69 last month with .72 BAC – found passed out in her car by a snowbank near a Don’t Drink & Drive highway sign
24:39 – 21-year-old Brian Hathaway report: in April of 2005 he was arrested after killing a horse and trying to fuck the horse on a woman’s property, went to jail, got out, just got re-arrested when people found him in the woods trying to bone down on a dead deer
30:05 – Onslaught of Wii-related injuries are plaguing America. Refer to www.wiihaveaproblem.com for more details
36:33 – Top baby names of 2007 – Cayden (any spelling) came up several times according to Seth; Top boys: 1. Jacob, 2. Michael, 3. Joshua, 4. Ethan, 5. Matthew, 6. Daniel, 7. Christopher 8. Andrew, 9. Anthony, 10. William ….. (22. Jonathan, 74. Jesus, 103. Seth, 210. Ty). Top girls: 1. Emily, 2. Emma, 3. Madison, 4. Isabella, 5. Eva, 6. Abigail, 7. Olivia, 8. Hannah, 9. Sophia, 10. Samantha … (37. Destiny, 43. Nevaeh, 237. Brooklyn, 316. Diamond, 440. Mercedes, 458. America, 555. Precious, 711. Akeelah, 852. Karma, 959. Alizae)
0:04 – Crazy long period of silence lasts for 26 seconds
3:14 – Seth wants the two of them to begin carrying combs/brushes in their back pockets
13:06 – Jah has a slightly Hobbit big toe with a little Hitler stache on it
14:06 – Seth is thinking that Domino’s will be the next pizza place to launch a new pizza. He’s already picked out the Domino’s he’s going to egg, just north of Oxford St. on 3rd St.
29:05 – UYD listener confirms that the turban-wearing “You’re a very lucky man” grifters exist. He was listening to UYD talking about them as one walked past him. He sees two of them in his neighborhood and saw them eating lunch together one day
31:58 – Phenomenal voice messages – seems like they’ve got the Pacific Northwest on lockdown
41:50 – Rambo trailer plays in background
1:03:24 – Episode 100 discussion. Seth almost walked up to Orlando Bloom in a Whole Foods to try to convince him to be on the show
1:04:28 – UYD has made an achievement – on the first page of iTunes of Featured Podcasts
10:15 – Seth blasts Mike Gravel for talking about dope and drinking and partying
21:32 – Seth rips America for its system of voting: “I’ve got a new system: I’ll pick the president: Barack Obama.”