View Episode 089
Originally aired 11.03.07
1:04:06
22:18 – Seth downs two NOS energy drinks before boning down with a 92-year-old corpse and saying “Shawty wanna ride?”
22:38 – Spiderman rape bracelet – shoots mace at would-be rapist
29:41 – New products unveiled at 2007 SEMA Auto Accessories Show in Las Vegas: LED wheels and the Ultimate Tailgate Package – fold-out flat screen TV and built in barbecue on back of truck
30:43 – Pimpfants – new kids clothing line – wife beaters and tanks that read MY MOMMY’S A MILF, etc. Jah: “As my father said, ‘All of a sudden the old joke isn’t funny anymore – what’s the worst thing you could say in a Victoria’s Secret – does this come in kid’s sizes.’” Seth: “Why yes, it’s a sister store, it’s next to Baby Slut Gap.” Jah: “Baby Cunt.” Seth: “You ever been to Baby Cunt? Oh man, the stuff they got there…”
35:47 – From San Francisco, all-organic Batter Blaster – ready-made pancake batter in a spray can like Cheez Whiz
59:21 – Hurricane Chris – “Hand Clap”
56:00 – “Wash” is the hot new thing. You take a kilo of cocaine, do an acetone wash to it, and extract half a kilo of the cocaine completely removed of all other things. You’re left with a pure, pure, refined powder. Post-nasal drip is little to non-existent. You can flavor it with grape or strawberry, etc.; high is the cleanest coke high you could imagine without a lot of the crazy side effects. It lasts a long time, you can eat and sleep on it, and when you rise from sleep it’s as if nothing happened
20:19 – Show me the CGILFs!
59:13 – Show me the Leopard!
0:57 – Seth was standing on a sidewalk during the Halloween celebration in West Hollywood and saw a man dressed up as Mystery from The Pickup Artist. Oh wait, it was Mystery – and Seth shook his and Matador’s hands, then walked down the Boulevard with Mystery as his wingman.
2:34 – Jah winds up in costume as a Deadhead. He’s standing outside of a club waiting to get in when a dude drives by and yells out the window, “You’re all faggots!!” Jah’s friend sees someone dressed as Blossom, except it was not a costume
8:56 – On Santa Monica and La Cienega, Seth partied at the Alta Cienega Hotel in Room 32 – Jim Morrison’s room – on Halloween night. Seth describes it as the tiniest room ever with a bed, small table, and everything – wall, floor ceiling – has been scrawled with graffiti and illustrations. Seth says if you walk out to the window and look out the window to the world and look up, it will read JIM’S FAVORITE PODCAST: WWW.UHHYEAHDUDE.COM
10:37 – Jah passing out candy on the porch when a teen in skeleton hoodie and gloves says, “Hey, can I get some candy from you?” Jah: “I think you’re supposed to say ‘Trick or Treat.’” He digs into the bowl; his friend comes up, takes one thing and says “I ain’t greedy.” First kid says “I am. Feel my bag.” And drops the 13-lb bag on Jah’s lap. Jah: “First of all, your costume sucks, you’re 15 and you walk up and say ‘Hey can I get some candy from you?’ Not trick or treat? You’re not even going to give me the pleasure?”
14:50 – Seth saw a homeless guy today holding a sign that said COULD YOU HELP ME? RESIDENTIALLY CHALLENGED. Seth didn’t help him b/c he didn’t like his attitude
15:27 – Jah’s story about a homeless guy spitting on his window at an off ramp outside of Las Vegas – he was having an argument with Justine while they were lost. Pulled up to a red light, looked at dude and looked back in heated conversation. Light turned green and dude hocked on the car. Jah thought about stopping but thought to himself that the dude has stabbed four people this morning: “He was so fucking scary looking.”
12:55 – Domino’s has managed to come up with another pizza: the Crispy Melt Pizza – melted cheese and a topping between two crusts
18:20 – Luther Campbell of 2 Live Crew: “Kobe is gay. Anyone who seen him out at the club know it. Kobe is gay.”
25:57 – Jordan’s Furniture in Avon, Mass. – promotion that ran from March 7 – April 16 “Jordan’s Monster Deal” – any furniture would be free, credit cards refunded, if the Red Sox won the 2007 World Series. 30,000 families purchased furniture during this time period, and more than $20 million in furniture was given away. Jordan’s issued a statement saying they were happy the Sox won and the insurance company was the big loser here. One man furnished his whole house with more than $40,000 in furniture
28:28 – John McCain speaking to supporters at New Hampshire Smith & Wesson factory on Oct. 22: “I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell, and I will shoot him with your products.”
58:36 – Number 1 holiday wish ahead of peace and happiness: A computer
12:25 – Jah declares that the Christmas Creep is on: decorations are up across the street from his dog store, and his friend Courtney has just seen his first Christmas commercial
13:45 – Jah revisits his hatred for holiday music originally mentioned in Episode 042
19:57 – GCILFs: Grandma Corpses I’d Like to Fuck
23:16 – Jah suddenly gets very dizzy and the whole room tilted at 45 degrees and tilted back. Seth has also felt terrible all day. Jah asks if there is a gas leak in the house and Seth says not to say that. Jah dismisses the notion because he thinks he would’ve smelled it by now. This is foreshadowing to Episode 144, 42:13, when Seth reveals there really was gas leaking from his stove that whole day
27:56 – Seth gives a shout-out to his cousin Eric for celebrating his 1-year anniversary with wife Erin. One of the only two weeks where UYD has skipped a podcast was when Seth was the best man in Eric’s wedding last October
33:29 – Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, offers a new course in the History Department called “Red Sox Nation”
37:46 – Seth’s seemingly harmless birth-related question sparks the first fight of UYD; Jah proposes to go adopt a baby (39:18), which Seth finds ridiculous; Jah says there’s too many babies (41:12) but Seth says that’s not the point, then sets Jahnny off by saying he treats kids like a litter of dogs (41:19); Seth argues that the most important thing is making the kid, Jah says raising the kid is the most important thing; Seth says it’s the most epic thing you could ever do (44:56), but Jah says mushrooms at a Jerry band show is the most epic thing; Jah gets pissed at Seth for saying he looks at a human being the same way he looks at a dog (45:53), says he wants to turn the podcast off and never turn it on again; then reiterates his pissedoffedness (48:49)
51:02 – Jah admits he hates God, then plugs Zeitgeistmovie.com
1:02:51 – Seth and Jonathan meet with UYD nationers agent79 and 55INCH at the 101 Coffee Shop. Being the gentleman that he was, Jonathan picked up the bill
5:40 – Jah sees two women at a Whole Foods, one with a George Washington wig and the other physically jacked up … then sees 54-year-old woman in a Lexus with cat ears and little dots: “Oh, are you a cat? At the point you even decide to dress up, what compels you to go as a cat? Your cat costume sucks.”
18:57 – Seth’s reaction to morgue security guard in Teaneck, N.J., catching a lab worker boning down with a 92-year-old female corpse: “Of all the things in the world that give you a boner, how does a dead 92-year-old corpse give you a boner? What is the makeup of that? Where is the synapses and the brain function and the things and the stuff? What is that?”
33:51 – Seth hammers colleges and students for the ridiculous courses they offer: “Go to school you fuckin’ hippies! What happened to doctors? There’s literally not a person in med school right now! There is not going to be a doctor in this country in 20 years, but there will be very well-versed Deadhead Red Sox fans.”