View Episode 067
Originally aired 06.02.07
1:06:33
33:05 – Seth watched the season finale of Adventures In Hollyhood, where Three 6 Mafia has to go back to Memphis for inspiration to cut a track because Hollywood has sapped the flavor out of them. They roll into Jack Pirtle’s Chicken, and order a #2 – a 6-piece gizzard, large fries and a grape soda for $4.40. … So You Think You Can Dance? is having all of its early hopefuls who can’t dance at all … Miss Universe results: Miss Japan won, and Miss USA fell on her ass in her evening gown. She was booed by the Mexico City audience when she went up to answer her question. She reaches into the glass bowl to see who’s going to answer her question, and it’s Judge No. 1, Tony Romo. The question: “If you could relive one moment in your past, what would it be and why?” Dave Navarro gave the kiss of his index finger and middle finger and pointed to the camera after being introduced as “International Rock Superstar David Navarro.” … Seth declares that Sunset Tan was plain awesome. They introduce you to Nick, who claims to be the best salesman. He helps a little girl look like Lindsay Lohan by giving her a base tan, a spray, etc., for $1,300. Some girl that’s not from Hollywood comes in and says her dad won’t let her do this because it’s too much for her. There’s a catfight at a pool party, and the owner constantly says, “Let’s kick some ass!” … John Langley of COPS fame has a new show he’s trying to bust out called Jail – it follows inmate from their booking to their last day behind bars.
12:52 – OUT: Karaoke. IN: Guitar Hero
44:04 – OUT: Pluto. IN: Black Anus
44:09 – Chingo Bling – “Taco Shop” (not spoken until 46:35)
48:19 – Billy Currington – “Good Directions”
2:33 – Debut. Numerous 1981 and 1982 journal entries about Dukes of Hazzard, and doodles of band logos (Ozzy, Rush, Billy Squier) and games (Ms Pac Man, Centipede). Miss Sullivan’s replies to Seth would have gotten her fired in modern-day times
1:34 – Seth used to have Varnays back in eighth grade, he also used to have, he also had chums that he would wear as a necklace. He also had a Pop Swatch and would take the faceplates off and put them down on their crotches
10:27 – Jonathan retells the story of the guy walking by with a stack of Garbage Pail Kids, 20 minutes later walking back out of the comic book store with the same stack (originally told in Episode 037, 41:07)
19:53 – Jonathan was in a sketch with Jon Lovitz. His dad was hosting Saturday Night Live so he went to New York with him, and the producers put Jah in a sketch. Lovitz was playing Picasso in a restaurant and his punchline was “I’m Picasso!” Jah played a kid doodling on a piece of paper, and shows it to Picasso, then Picasso signs it and makes it worth something. Jah got a $358 check for the sketch. Randy Newman was the musical guest.
27:18 – Jonathan’s story about going to Topanga Days. He explains there was still some allure from the 60s and 70s, then there’s just this other element that’s just the tired, run-down, sad and forgotten and sun-drenched and booze-ridden ex-hippies. It cost $15 for admission. John Doe was playing on stage by himself, and Jah says he did the shittiest Joni Mitchell cover. Jah sees dudes he used to see around back in the day who are still doing the same thing and drinking like crazy. He saw the hottest 15-year-old hippie girls walking around, one of them talking to another saying “…yeah he’s really cute he’s like Jack Sparrow.” Jah walks by the “healing” section and a poetry writing group where you could get a custom poem, then sees Andy Dick standing in the poetry reading tent being hugged by eight little kids. He sees a lot of weird rashy fucked-up ankles
55:39 – Seth’s story about working with John Larroquette in a movie, catching an extra with a notebook, writing about being up front and thinking John Larroquette is gay
13:04 – Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya got injured playing Guitar Hero during the postseason, lied about it and then came clean later
13:32 – Star high school pitcher’s friend Daniel Hicks makes him sign a contract on a napkin that he’ll get 1% of his signing bonus—gets $3,000. David Wright turned down a huge contract to get .5% share in the company Vitamin Water. Glaceau sells Vitamin Water to Coca-Cola for $4 billion and Wright earns $20 million. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of Vitamin Water, made $400 million.
18:07 – Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick speaking at Johns Hopkins commencement: “It takes a chicken and a pig to make a bacon-and-egg breakfast. In life you need to commit and be the pig.”
18:57 – Jamie Mesada of the Laugh Factory signs Jon Lovitz to a lifetime Wednesday night residency
40:02 – There’s been a recall on AMO Complete Moisture Plus. It contains a parasite that ultimately leaves you blind.
41:08 – Jones Soda Co. beats out Coke and Pepsi to serve soda at Seattle Seahawks football games at Qwest Field. In 2006 Jones Soda’s revenue was $39 million; combined Coke and Pepsi revenue in the same year was $57 billion
42:05 – Jack In The Box spoofs Carl’s Jr. Angus burger ads and Carl’s Jr. is suing them, saying: “while they may find it humorous, the oral and phonetic similarities with anus, but that is erroneous.”
1:01:25 – Jah explains that if you haven’t been able to sign up in the forums, it’s because the dude who’s the UYD website administrator is a “fuckin’ jackass.” He also says he has no means of doing anything on the website
16:44 – Jonathan sees a bumper sticker that reads: DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF DRAGONS FOR YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND GOOD WITH KETCHUP.
19:24 – Seth going off on Jon Lovitz’s lifetime residency to the Laugh Factory: “You got him? How’d you nab him? He’s so busy and all with his characters that he does… from his specials.”
22:10 – Jah asks if Kevin Nealon would please stop doing his bit on being a porn reviewer because it’s wicked played out