View Episode 048
Originally aired 01.22.07
1:04:35 – Seth: “Wear something. … if you’re a fella, don’t wear Quiksilver, but wear a seatbelt.”
57:09 – Seth was pissed when they canceled Joey. He was excited because Joey had a date coming up but then the show never came back on and Joey never got his date with that waitress that he met at Jamba Juice in that crazy episode called “Joey Goes to Jamba Juice.”
45:53 – Julie Winifred Bertrand passes away as the oldest woman in the world. New oldest woman in the world is Emma Tillman from North Carolina. When asked about the secret to her longevity, Emma points skyward and says “ask the man upstairs.” Del Toro from Puerto Rico is still the oldest dude in the world.
58:18 – Man lights house on fire while trying to burn out hornets; father shoots 4-year-old son with BB gun to “teach him a lesson;” 51-year-old masturbates in front of college girls for third time; Hooters across from a school puts PLAGIARISM SAVES TIME on marquee; etc.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
0:58 – Seth: “What’s the capital of North Dakota?” Jah: “I couldn’t name a single city in North Dakota or South Dakota.” Seth’s hint is that it’s the greatest African American rapper of all time (Biz Markie), for Bismarck. Neither can name the capital of South Dakota, which is Pierre
14:31 – Seth: “Would you rather get shot in the balls or the throat.” Jah: “Balls. I’d rather get shot in the balls.”
34:27 – Jah has to say “Rancho Cucamonga” three times fast and succeeds
12:52 – Jonathan retells Rick Schroder paintball story from Episode 010 – Rick and his dad show up and the first person who calls him Ricky sets him off: “IT’S RICK!!” Jah also explains that there’s a limit on how fast your gun can shoot. He shows up and he’s 11 years old, but everyone else is 30. They would clock in, then find bunkers and field strip their guns and tweak them up to where they shot really fast. Jah got shot at point-blank range in his throat, the only piece of his body that wasn’t covered. It looked like a volcano on his neck for two weeks, oozing like crazy. Schroder’s dad killed a rattlesnake with a giant buckknife, cutting its head off.
20:39 – Jah knew a guy who got busted in San Francisco—another hotbed for medicinal marijuana cards—for weed. He got pulled over by a cop and was searched and the cop found half an ounce of weed. The cop literally threw the weed back at him and said “get a fucking card!”
25:04 – Jah watched the Playboy Channel in weird wavy lines on the TV since his family didn’t subscribe to it, he would see an ass or a tit come through occasionally and still got off on it … Seth watched the Tyson-Douglas fight the same way at Mike Bevalaqua’s house
25:46 – Seth was in Starbucks and saw a girl he knew but didn’t remember her name. He started making small talk with her and her friend about their crazy phones and the things they were doing with them. Seth’s phone rang with the default Verizon ring and he just reached in his pocket and turned it off. So Seth calls Verizon to try to get a ringtone because he wanted “Throw Some Ds,” but he was asking for a ringback (when someone calls you and hears music instead of dialing) because he didn’t know the difference, but he couldn’t get that because his phone isn’t capable of that technology. Seth looked into getting a new phone but he’s locked into a contract. Seth recalling conversation with Verizon representative: “You’ve got that phone through like 2010. What?! Yeah, you signed a contract. Where?! At the Beverly Connection. She had like the date and the time! Like did I really? That was a really shitty signature I did then, to lock me into this awful phone. She couldn’t even give me a ringtone. … How’s 2002 treating you? It’s treating me pretty good!”
1:01:23 – Seth is wearing hospital scrubs because he and Jonathan went out to a coffeeshop last night and Jonathan was wearing an embroidered Quiksilver sweatshirt that he was given for Christmas. Jah admits that it’s the worst item but it’s so comfortable that he has to wear it
0:44 and 6:11 – Promotion by two Sacramento DJs – “Hold your wee for a Wii.”
4:43 – Mitchell Hultz, 15, receives FBI medal at high school: “Git ’er Dun!!!”
10:16 – Harris poll polls a few thousand people across the country to count the top 10 TV personalities in the country: 1) Oprah, 2) Jon Stewart, 3) Bill O’Reilly, 4) House, 5) Letterman, 6) Leno, 7) Jack Bauer, 8) Ellen, 9) Conan O’Brien, 10) Ray Romano
15:08 – Feb. 17, 2009 is the last day of analog; July 7, 2007 will be the most popular wedding date ever
17:42 – L.A. trying to crack down on medical marijuana dispensaries (where Seth works). In less than a year the city has gone from four to 98. Undercover dude went in with a headache and the guy behind the counter tells him he needs some weed. Monday night at the Golden Globes, LAPD Chief of Police William Bratton and his wife were seated at the table with the cast of Weeds
19:45 – Representative from New Hampshire trying to pass a bill to legalize marijuana. The only problem is that his name is Charles Weed.
24:52 – Vivid Video the first to do a Blu-ray porn DVD
40:29 – 29-year-old impersonating 12-year-old and boning 61-year-old dude, another dude joins the mix
1:57 – UYD thanks the three listeners who donated to the show in the first full week of accepting donations to keep the show running ($10 = Community Builder; $25 = Hope Giver; $50 = Dream Catcher; $100 = Miracle Maker)
9:00 – Seth goes through the best upside-down words you can spell on calculators: BOOBIES (5318008), SHELLOIL (71077345); GOOGLE (376006)
44:36 – Technical difficulties on UYD
53:59 – Seth wants to know the lyrics from Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55”
52:17 – Seth predicts Bud Dry will win the Bud Bowl
10:48 – Seth going off on America for liking Ray Romano, Nickelback, etc. “I’m totally down with Meshach Taylor from Designing Women, I think he’s pretty hot. Hey people watching the People’s Choice Awards – stop listening to Nickelback and stop watching fucking Everybody Loves Raymond reruns! And why House?! Yo, I like House. You mean Hugh Laurie? No, House. I like Jack Bauer.”
28:52 – Seth going off on Bindi Irwin: “Your dad was a lunatic. You’re lucky to be alive. I’ve seen videotape of you in a crocodile’s mouth, bitch. I saw some tape of your father throwing you around like a monkey. My dad was special. No he wasn’t. You’re lucky he’s dead or you’d be dead, because that dude was fuckin’ crazy.”