View Episode 030
Originally aired 09.04.06
1:00:46
19:17 – UYD: Big ups to locavores
19:29 – UYD: We won’t pick up
33:16 – UYD: 2007 tomorrow
38:15 – UYD: Pay us to do this
45:47 – UYD: We love the old
47:35 – UYD: Antibacterial wipes
47:52 – UYD: Loving Puerto Ricans
59:07 – UYD: Twenty-eight Fridays, a Thursday and a Saturday
10:43 – Monday night, Sept. 4, NBC: Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Diff’rent Strokes, with Bobby J playing Gary Coleman; Tuesday, Sept. 5, ABC: The View with the premiere of Rosie O’Donnell; also Tuesday, 6:30 p.m., The CBS Evening News with the premiere of Katie Couric; also Tuesday, 10 p.m. on F/X: Nip/Tuck; next Sunday, Sept. 10, 8 p.m. on FOX, Season 18 of The Simpsons.
40:02 – Lizzie Bolden update – still alive; lying Ecuadorian woman passes away, so Lizzie is now on top at 116 years old. Jonathan verifies that the Ecuadorian woman died of AIDS. George Johnson, 112 years old, was the oldest Californian before dying on Wednesday. Emiliano Mercado Del Toro from Puerto Rico is the world’s oldest living man at 114, and UYD decides that he counts as an American too
49:13 – (freakiest intro ever) Fish leaps out of water and breaks arm of jetskiier; dude rapes three girls in one day (Jah: “Hey, what’d you do today? Eh, you know, I woke up, grabbed coffee, went to work, got out of work and then I raped a girl.” Seth: “You what?” Jah: “I raped a girl. And then after that I went and grabbed a bite and then I raped another girl there, and then on my way home from there, I pulled over and raped somebody else.” Seth: “Three times?” Jah: “It was a crazy day. It was hectic. A lot on my plate right now.” – 51:37); Naked tickler; man gets into fender bender and shoots himself; roommate gets tired of other roommate playing loud music and burns the house down; guy tries to jump a canal in an ATV with no helmet, doesn’t make it, etc.
33:51 – Gurkha ($200,000) – driven by Arnold Schwarzenegger
45:51 – OUT: Yoga. IN: Power Plate
29:00 – Cadillac Don and J-Money – “Peanut Butter and Jelly”
27:21 – Kenny Chesney – “Summertime”
57:12 – Untitled:
I truly wish I were part of a traveling circus / And could do tricks for the little ones and help elders up stairs / I could make all of them laugh again / I would wear purple and green donkey slippers / And I could go bowling for pennies on ice / I could lick off all the wall sticker burrs / And sing to a dolphin spring jack
1:11 – Female voicemail caller Tara from North Carolina attacks J & S, calling them assholes and saying she expects something better on the outgoing voicemail
4:58 – Jonathan breaks pinky doing yoga, then names three separate yoga poses (Down Dog, Warrior 3, Warrior 2)
16:59 – Bag lady in Seth’s neighborhood wearing a Cruella Deville shirt tries to put a hex on Seth, then Seth flips the script on her: “I looked her dead in the eye and I was like ‘Oh you gonna put a hex on me? You gonna put a hex on me?” while holding a Diet Dr Pepper.
33:24 – A friend of Seth’s who doesn’t know much about the internet asked Seth, “Where is the internet?” Seth looked around at the other people who were laughing out loud, pointed at his heart and said “It’s right here.”
20:31 – Flat daddy – life-size photo of your dad who’s in Iraq so kids can pretend that he’s still there
19:37 – Jah tells UYD callers that if you’ve covered your bases on the UYD voicemail, don’t call back and wrap up your previous ramblings
21:36 – Seth hammers Flat Daddy
32:52 – Seth blasts everybody that didn’t have the internet