View Episode 016
Originally aired 05.30.06
59:08 – UYD: It’s what the white man calls wind
34:12 – Seth forgot to plug Baghdad ER on HBO. In defense of that, he plugs the PBS Frontline series, which is doing a 25th anniversary of the first diagnosis of AIDS cases – Tuesday, May 30 and Wednesday, May 31 from 9 to 11 p.m. … On CBS, The Game Show TV Marathon – Wednesday and Thursday night at 8 p.m., hosted by Ricki Lake.
39:01 –Third season premiere of Rescue Me on Tuesday night; Thursday on ABC from 8 to 10 p.m. – 2006 Scripps National Spelling Bee
21:30 – L. Ron Hubbard’s “Operation Clear Florida” … Jah offers “Florida Purchase” where they will sell Florida to the scientologists for $200,000 … HS teacher in Florida puts illegal Haitian player on soccer team and gets busted; another HS teacher in Florida found outside of a bar at 2:30 a.m. with no shirt on – when police subdued him he went Luke Skywalker on them and beat off two cops (Jah: “What do you mean he beat them off?”); relatives of a teen who died in a car crash are suing police department b/c the deputies pursued their son b/c they wanted to sexually assault them; man with gold teeth exposes prick to young girls; FedEx driver run over by his own truck and killed; man douses himself in gasoline and sets self on fire; woman shoots bottle rockets at chopper
9:25 – Jah re-references his theory from Episode 8, then Seth says someone is born every day in a Wal-Mart …. Police in Tulsa OK searching for man who licked woman’s toes as she loaded groceries into vehicle in Wal-Mart parking lot
21:36 – L. Ron Hubbard: “What you’re doing is creating an island of friendliness, indecency in the sea of a violent world. You do it by using policy and tech that took half a century to find and develop. You know, sometimes it’s tough going. Well it’s a tough world. That’s one makes our org so valuable. Others talk about a better world; we’re making one. What I’ve just told you is the winning way to do it. So don’t regard it lightly. We’re the only chance man has. And that is why above all else we must create these org islands. Project Clear Florida.”
47:00 – iPod+Nike
19:46 – OUT: J Date. IN: J Love
20:53 – OUT: Mumps in Iowa. IN: Measles in Boston
54:31 – Dem Franchise Boyz – “Ridin’ Rims”
56:11 – Craig Morgan – “That’s What I Love About Sunday”
3:58 – Anderson Cooper: “I TiVo, like, a lot of shows on MTV, like My Super Sweet 16, and I’ll watch them on the weekend. Now I like Tiara Girls. It’s like, ‘Oh my God.’ On the second season of My Super Sweet 16, it was crazy because they had all seen the first season, so they were trying to top what the girls did in the first season.”
7:25 – New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin is re-elected, and talks about N.O. being a “chocolate city” and keeping it that way: “You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk and it becomes a delicious drink. That’s the kind of chocolate I’m talking about.”
5:10 – Seth spots Breckin Meyer and Scott Caan piggybacking, laughing and slapping
10:57 – Seth claims TCAP has been wrapped up (Jonathan: “The summer of ’06 will be the Peed Summer of Love.”) … J&S play out the scene of Chris Hansen catching the peed who gets caught for the second consecutive day. Hansen: “In all my years in TV…” Peed: “I’m just getting something to eat! Can’t I get something to eat?” (13:00) … Seth has an idea of taking the rogues gallery of arrested peeds in last two Datelines, making a Peed Platoon out of them and dropping them in Fallujah (14:11)
34:30 – Jah: “We’ve been shoving sexual predators to death. We’re done. I even stopped watching for God’s sake.”
37:30 – TCAP is doing a special on Louie Anderson
41:17 – (not spoken until 44:20) Jah can’t make it through the passage without laughing his ass off, Seth has to take over:
She was the first of her tribe. She competed with the warriors of the tribe like she was a warrior herself. She didn't understand women being thought of the ones who care for the home. Her hunting and tracking skills were superb. She was never quite excepted though, until the war broke out between Spanish settlers and her tribe. She gave her life for her people. She fought hard and fierce, but a bullet was put through her. And no matter how strong and courageous she was asked to join the gods. She still dances through the fields where she was killed and plays her flute so that all can hear. The white man calls her flute playing: Wind.
32:51 – Seth hears a trainer from N.Y. standing in lobby outside The DaVinci Code complaining: “He’s a swimmer in the book, he would have done a lot of cardio so his lats would’ve been way more defined than Tom Hanks.” Seth: “What?!!”
3:58 – Anderson Cooper watches Super Sweet 16 Part 2 and Tiara Girls on MTV
5:59 – Louisiana Democrat William Jefferson was taking bribes, was caught with $90,000 wrapped in aluminum foil in his freezer
14:49 – In Sidney, Neb., a man sexually assaulted a young child. The judge acknowledges that the man is guilty, but she sentences him to 10 years probation because he’s only 5-foot-1, and says he’s too short to go to prison
18:35 – Grown men going to HS football games, bringing video cameras and training them on the cheerleaders and selling them on the internet
48:15 – Last weekend a guy dressed up in full Freddy Krueger regalia attacked a homeless man on Hollywood and La Brea and put him in the hospital
48:56 – In Cincinnati, a vampire man protests the new Garlic Cheeseburger at White Castle
52:09 – Sir Edmund Hillary outraged at mountain climber who left another to die (Mark Ingles – double amputee who was previously rescued leaves other to die)
2:26 – Seth and Jonathan are eating Doritos Kryptonite and their strength has diminished tremendously in the last half-hour
34:13 – Seth doesn’t like it when people put the incorrect emphasis on the wrong syllable, which Jah admits to doing.
4:40 – Jah slams Anderson Cooper for being on the cover of Vanity Fair while tearing up
15:26 – Seth slams the Nebraska judge who has mercy on a peed for only being 5-foot-1
23:17 – Jah talking about going to Starbucks and encountering trainees who call it expresso: “I don’t want an estra shot of expresso; I would like an extra shot of espresso.”