View Episode 015
Originally aired 05.21.06
1:01:08 – UYD For Life
41:07 – Sunday night, May 21, 10-11 p.m. on VH1, Supergroup with Ted Nugent, Sebastian Bach, Scott Ian, Jason Bonham and Evan Seinfeld (Episode 004, 38:43) … all this week, 9 p.m., VH1 – Heavy: The Story of Heavy Metal … Tuesday night, May 23, 8-11 p.m. on CBS, 41st Academy of Country Music Awards … Sunday night 9-11 p.m. and concluding Tuesday night 9-11 p.m. on NBC, 10.5 Apocalypse
5:21 – A small reference to sugar-free Red Bull
58:23 – Tanorexia: Seth was fired from his job because he needs to tan at all times. He’s filing for a disability check and he’s suing Hawaiian Tropic, Hollywood Tans, the sun and Jonathan
28:47 – Stanley Kunitz, 100-year-old, former poet laureate served as official lightning rod for poetic impulses of Americans. Released a poetry book every 12 years, held this post twice before passing. Seth would like to propose that Jah be our nation’s new poet laureate
47:17 – Brooksville, FL fake DUI tests by “Deputy Chuck,” grandfather robs 7 convenience stores and ends up naked and unconscious in the woods, etc.
9:25 – Man licks ladies toes in parking lot
2:35 – (“Who’s the Best Mom?”) A) Mom kills baby after contaminating baby with cocaine in her breastmilk; B) Mom gives child coke after kid bugs her about it, kid has full cardiac seizure
19:25 – (“Who’s the Worse Teacher?”) A) 29-year-old teacher asks principal to take girl to prom, principal later finds out he’s dating the girl; B) HS teacher asks students to perform writing assignment: “Who Would You Kill and How Would You Do It?”
43:15 – Motorola C-51 – cell phone as a landline
35:30 – Rick Ross on Dr. Dre’s “Chevy Ridin’ High”
33:32 – Garth Brooks – “Friends In Low Places”
49:03 – Boyfriend came into gas station where girl worked, doused her in gas and set her on fire. Brother of victim: “She was the sweetest person. She had a fire in her that you would just love.”
36:36 – Seth watching The Da Vinci Code at the Arclight, finds Luke Wilson and D.B. Sweeney making out in the back
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
6:00 – Preakness – Seth makes all nine horses up: “I feel bad for the listeners, they can’t see the full ruse I just pulled on him.”
5:45 – Jah: “What’s going on with cocaine? It’s everywhere!”
7:58 – Jah assumes responsibility for missing first two, but Seth recorded the wrong version of TCAP on Jah’s TiVo. … Two guys both get arrested and get same sentence – one married dude with a Florida t-shirt, sends a girl a picture of his prick, brings her over a double cheeseburger and cold fries from McDonald’s – not to mention rope and duct tape; gets same punishment as other guy who e-mailed her “Let’s make love,” and brings over a single red rose and a half-empty bottle of Bacardi Big Apple … 61-year-old dude comes over to blow a 12-year-old boy. People say my BJs are the best. Seth: “Your what? I don’t even know what a BJ is! I don’t want to seem like a crazy perv, I’m just a 30-year-old, and my BJs are the best. Well dog, you are a crazy perv, you’re 60 and your BJs suck. Your BJs are wack like 1950s BJs and they don’t count.” (11:18) … policemen are fully decked out in full sasquatch camo, yelling “get down!” Seth: “Is that wicked necessary, or is that like fully not necessary?” (12:26) … Crazytrain85 sends girl a picture of his balls. Seth: “Balls are wack. Brad Pitt’s balls are wack.” Jonathan: “Can people please start sending us pictures of their balls?” (13:02) … You know what would turn me on? If you blew your cat. (13:49) Seth: “Isn’t fucking this 12-year-old virgin enough, asshole?! Stop it!!!”
30:16 – Jah includes his first segment intro , but doesn't speak poem until 31:47:
Why must I do your deeds / Why must you bother me / I have no regard for your downpressin' laws / I am trying to make you notice your flaws / My fear of your Wall Street / What keeps me safe is da Reggae beat / Give me all you got and I'll tell you again: / "This is the dawn of the Rasta men" / I aint I and I intrested in yo money / I and I think yo suit look funny / Jah in highest praise / Babylon leader its time to face / This is the one fire for Babylon
20:09 – Seth’s story about getting a salad at Leaf restaurant and spotting crazy hot insane lady (“Hello SATAN!”) Seth has eaten there three times a week for six months and has never spoken a word inside the building. Paramedic: “Which one am I here for?” Seth raises hand. (25:32)
38:10 – While at the mall, Jah spots porn star Mr. Marcus. Jah says “awesome” about something and Mr. Marcus looks at him and repeats “Awesome.”
53:47 – Jah sees a payphone the other day driving down Coldwater Canyon and said it was like finding an old Coke bottle dug up at a construction site. Jah’s cell phone was jacked up and he tried to call someone on a payphone from a supermarket, and the phone stank horribly
59:35 – Newlywed couple pleads not guilty to drug charges in front of the same judge who pronounced them husband and wife the day before
2:00 – Being a boarding school guy, care packages are clutch for Jonathan
5:45 – Jah: “What’s going on with cocaine? Coke is everywhere!”
1:00:48 – Apparently UYD is helping people carve it out at the gym – America’s #1 gym talk show
55:46 – Jah and Seth hammer Inside the Actors Studio for having Tim Allen as a guest
18:28 – Jah: “Uhh Yeah Dude is going to blow two retards every episode.”