View Episode 005
Originally aired 03.12.06
14:18 – Surreal Life 6 stars Smashmouth’s Steve Harwell, Andrea Lowell, Maven Huffman, Sherman Hemsley, Alexis Arquette, Tawny Kitaen, an undisclosed TV hunk that will be voted on by cast members and C.C. Deville.
35:26 – Black-White, Wednesdays, F/X, 10 p.m.
18:58 – 100-year-old woman claims she has the secret potion for longevity – beer. But Seth says, “Slow down bitch, you’re nowhere in the running. You haven’t found the secret to shit. Call me when you’re like 100, I might maybe meet you at the soup plantation and maybe entertain the thought you might live another year if I don’t kill you, because we’ve got other people to deal with.” … 112-year-old Marion Higgins passes away – was the oldest person living in California. With her passing, George Johnson of Richmond, Calif., is now the state’s oldest-living citizen
11:22 – (segment not titled) Seth: “If you’re in Florida, get out. If you have to be there, shoot gators.”
25:03 – In reference to Jason Lee’s daughter’s name, Pilot Inspector, Jah says: “Fuck that bullshit, that fuckin’ SciTi bullshit.”
3:03 – Jungle Kid (myspace.com/junglekidd) – friend BulimicRainbowVomit
30:50 – Jonathan: “We will be retiring Myspace Person of the Week, and it will be replaced by Netbanger of the Week”
22:40 – Handy toothbrushes www.violight.com www.walkabouttravelgear.com
4:24 – Jonathan: “Raving is IN every week.”
5:17 – OUT: Goji Berries. IN: Mangosteen
16:43 – Dem Franchise Boyz – “Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It.” (Seth speaks one line of song)
17:40 – Sarah Evans – “Cheatin’” (not dictated)
15:38 – Seth’s friend sees Tom Bergeron and Pat Sajak getting off the elevator at a motel in Vero Beach and entering a room
26:08 - Sage Moonblood
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
40:20 – How many Americans have died in car accidents since the invention of the automobile? 1 million Americans have died in wars since the American Revolution. 2.5 million Americans have died on the road
43:21 – Jah thinks 7-10-year-old kids would be fine if they did coke, because he had friends who did coke when they were that age: “Their awesome, strong little hearts. They could probably do more coke than we can.”
59:18 – Jah wonders what people do now besides drinking: “Apparently every 14-year-old kid in America judging by my awesome Myspace people are all eating ecstacy like crazy, which is cool because they all eat candy and eat ecstacy, and that’s awesome because that’s the way I left everything. It looks like nothing’s changed in 15 years, it’s like perfect.”
48:23 - Jonathan: “I guarantee you that Perverted Justice has blown more kids than any of those dudes they’ve busted.” Seth does his impression of the decoy who looks like Jack Osborne: Give me a second, I spilled Diet Coke on my shorts. … Are those condoms, and Bartles & James?
7:23 – Forbes’ billionaire ranking list came out. Sergey Brin, co-owner of Google, is worth $12,900,000,000, but Larry Page, the other co-owner, is only worth $12,800,000,000
24:40 – Celebrities’ kids wack names: Nic Cage – Kal-el; Sly Stallone – Sage Moonblood; Rob Morrow – Tu; Jason Lee – Pilot Inspector; Shannon Sossamon – Audio Science; Jonathan Davis of Korn – Pirate; David Duchovny/Téa Leoni – Kyd; Ginuwine – Story; Robert Rodriguez – Rebel, Racer, Rogue and Rocket.
28:25 – Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall’s Brokeback shirts sell for $100,000+; Crash screenplay signed by writer, director, cast sells for $255. Seth: “I could grill up veggie bacon right now, manipulate a face of Jesus and sell it for $300 tomorrow.”
41:36 – Second-grade kid brings live grenade into show-and-tell. Seth: “Would you rather have your kid bring a grenade or cocaine into class.” Jah: “Grenade.”
44:22 – Dairy worker and 8-year-old son die in a 10-foot deep manure pit
47:33 – Border patrol guys nabbed for smuggling illegal immigrants across borders
48:57 – Shannon Kennedy is deaf, yet she went to the Bon Jovi show at the Key Center in Seattle. She had a music interpreter, Joanne Ball, to do sign language so she could get the full effect of Bon Jovi’s songs
54:04 – Kansas church protesting funerals of Iraqi war victims because they are defending a country that accepts homosexuality
1:01 – Jah pleads for some e-mails to uhhyeahdude@gmail.com. Says he’s only had one e-mailer so far
1:24 – There were no responses to Seth’s request for the LiveLinks girl, but it’s OK because Willem Dafoe said it’s his favorite podcast
30:31 – New trend called “netbanging” – gangs go on web, create sites, call each other out … East LA home to Clanton gang (www.clantone.net)
49:29 – Seth would rather be deaf than blind; Jonathan is the complete opposite. This sparks an argument between them. Jah could still make music if he’s blind. Jah would also rather lose the sense of smell than touch, but Seth says that is crazy.
58:31 – Who should they dedicate this show to?
46:47 – J&S rip on M Knight Shamalyan. Jah: “The Navajo people should be ashamed to have you as their representative.”
51:53 – Seth goes off on the deaf woman who went to the Bon Jovi concert
Hints of RacialReligious Prejudice
11:04 - Jah commenting on Shelly Lubin, aka “Roxy” who went from porn actress to evangelist: “To go from blowing dudes to blowing Jesus…”
12:44 and 17:01 – Jonathan: “Interracial porn has the ingredients to be the greatest form ever made, except for the fact that black dudes talk. … As soon as a dude opens his mouth I get intimidated.”