View Episode 001
Originally aired 02.11.06
56:11 – Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on Monday and Tuesday night
57:10 – National Geographic Explorer – MS-13 gang; Front Lines – Crystal Meth
1:01 – Sonya Thomas
8:16 – Quote
31:57 – Florida arson suspect hangs self aboard United Airlines plane in flight; Miami man drives Ford Escape into showroom, pours gasoline on car, sets it and all other vehicles on fire b/c he was upset about financing deal he received. Seth: “If you’re not in some way lighting yourself or the people around you on fire, it doesn’t count to me.”
8:17 – I’ve been stalking you on Myspace (John Beta)
13:05 – Onederwear
40:21 – OUT: Calf implants. IN: Eyelid surgery
3:11 – Pepsi’s Brown & Bubbly commercial (not dictated)
15:04 – Trace Adkins – Honky Tonk Badonkadonk (not dictated)
18:33 – Richie Sambora and Lance Armstrong are dating – seen at a Farmer’s Market holding hands and buying furniture
56:24 – Drug rings from Colombia are implanting liquid heroin into puppies, then cutting them open and taking it out
57:31 – Seth: “If you can watch Front Lines do another hour on meth and not smoke meth with Jonathan and I, then you’re through.”
57:46 – General mention, boner rage. Seth: “One dude took a bus 4 hours and walked 3 miles from the bus stop. He comes into the house, hears the voice of the faux 13-year-old boy. He begins visibly sweating and shaking and taking his boner out and chasing it, until the man with the mock turtleneck’s like Whoa, whoa whoa. Slow down.” Jonathan admits he hasn’t seen it yet
25:00 – Jah was at a Carl’s Jr. at 2:00 in the afternoon when he watched his car get stolen. Jah begged them to throw out his odd, super-rare recordings of Jerry Band playing.
42:38 – Story about the eczema dude at Starbucks (Night Latte). His friend Robert tells him to go into Starbucks and order a night latte, and the barista tells him he’s never heard of it. He asks another barista, Steve, who says he’s never heard of it. Jah notices that Steve has horrific eczema on his arms, and upon seeing the eczema, he realizes he has seen this Asian guy at another Starbucks. He says, “Hey man, I know you. You work at another Starbucks that I go to.” Jah is right, but simultaneously they both realize that the only reason Jah notices him is because of his raging eczema.
9:54 – In Connecticut, 14 girls in the last two months have been sexually assaulted by guys they’ve met on Myspace
10:15 – Annual Run to the top of the Empire State Building in NYC – winners were Andrea Mair of Austria and Thomas Dold of Germany – it was Mair’s third women’s race title in a row in record time – completed 2-mile race in 11:23. Dold did it in 10:19.
21:26 – Alan Shalleck found covered in garbage bags in front of mobile home – helped bring Curious George to TV; found dead just before the Curious George movie was released
23:05 – A sampling of the 911 calls Seth hears on Good Morning America, when they reveal that 200 million people call it every year – many of them non-emergencies: Hey, what time is it? … Um, is it winter time or is it summer time? Because the seasons change … Uhh yeah, I need the number for Pizza Hut! I can’t get it from Pizza Hut, I can’t get it from the directory and I can’t get it from 411! I need a pizza! … Um, hello. I’m at Burger King right now, and I’m ordering a Western Bacon Cheeseburger and they’re making it wrong. This is an emergency! I want you to send an officer down here right now!
36:17 – On this date in 1989, in order to gain deregulation, the WWF (now WWE) admitted in a N.J. state court that pro wrestling was an exhibition and not a sport
47:32 – The Army sent a bill to a 25-year-old first lieutenant who was injured in Iraq. The bill was for $632 to pay for his body armor vest that he didn’t return. He didn’t return it because he was shot, it was covered in blood and the medics burned it on the battlefield as a biohazard. They had to hold a fundraiser in his hometown to pay for it
49:45 – Jessica McClure (Baby Jessica) was married in Midland, TX this week
0:30 – Jah refers to this as Episode 1/Episode 4
3:42 – Jah talks about Busta Rhymes’ bodyguard being shot by someone in G-Unit during a video shoot
7:13 – We first hear of Jah’s good friend Amir, who is apparently a huge Steelers fan
15:34 – We learn of Seth’s origin from north of Boston – a true Masshole
24:33 – Jonathan talks about his fear of dialing 911: “You get jitters calling it. You’re only supposed to do it, like, if your mom has a knife in her stomach.”
27:51 – We learn of Seth’s vehicle, a Plymouth Sundance
40:48 – We learn of Jah’s brother’s name, Ben
43:14 – Jah used to always order a 24-oz white chocolate dream blended with soy and an add shot with no whip and no fudge swirls at Starbucks
56:45 – We learn that Jah is a dog lover and has rescued dogs
7:35 – Seth goes off on how crappy the Super Bowl was
11:45 – Seth on people who run up 89 flights of stairs in 2 minutes and swim in icy rivers: “It’s life affirming! “Is it stupid or life affirming? Because I’m sleeping in a warm bed.”
17:37 – Seth and Jah rip on old people trying to say hip things
27:11 – Seth goes off on New York for having shitty shit launched, like knitting groups, hug groups and speed friends: “I don’t need friends, I don’t want friends, because I live in Hollywood! Do you take a cab to get a friend? How’s your cab ride New York? Um, Uptown please. How ’bout out of town, now!”
1:00:18 – Jonathan hammers Britney Spears and her live concert that he saw: “I get it, you’re not a little girl anymore. … If Madonna had gotten into a bus crash and was mentally retarded, this is what she would’ve been doing in the 80s. … Just to see these fruits do this sex dance sequence, it’s astonishing. It’s uncomfortable to watch them.”
11:55 – Seth doesn’t know why the Ethiopians haven’t taken over step running
12:22 – Koreans run downhill to get to China